October Randoms - Page 3 — The Bump
March 2018 Moms

October Randoms

135

Re: October Randoms

  • @mccurleya sadly no. 
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  • Aww. I know they do a lot. What about chipotle? They give very high percentages back. 
    shoretobe
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  • I will have to check into that.
    They are doing a pancake dinner at their church. I have a henna tattoo station and maybe feather or colored extensions set up for that. I am trying to set up a thing to pie the teacher who gets the most money collected. I also and doing bubble teas and Italian sodas at 2 church bazaars. 
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    mccurleyashoretobe
  • @slr1229 How'd it wind up going with HR?  Any update?
    fatstagnationshoretobe
  • @megpeg maybe some sort of kids craft like bracelet making, or something for the holidays like pinecone or ornament painting? It might be more of a production, though. 
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    shoretobe
  • With my graduation looming right around the corner, it's time to start applying for jobs.  I've found myself dragging my feet and not wanting to apply.  Applying means that I will have to work which means that someone else will need to watch LO.  My husband keeps asking if I've found any daycares I want to look at and honestly, I'm sure they are fine, but I just dont trust anyone.   I want to work but I don't want to be away from LO.  😔  I know I'll have far more time off with him than some get but good gracious this is so hard! 

    What are some things that you look for when finding a daycare you are comfortable with?
  • @sgrn18, I prefer daycare facilities over someones home. But I know plenty of people prefer someones home over a daycare facility as well. Really, you just gotta go with what you feel most comfortable with. Here are my reasons:
    • With someones home, you can't control who comes into the home. Daycare facilities, anyone coming in contact with your child would have been vetted by the facility.
    • Daycare facilities lessen one on one interaction opportunities because there are multiple employees. This helps lessen opportunity for abuse (sexual or physical).
    • No screen time. The daycare facility (at least none we saw) have TVs, etc. for the kids to get glued to.
    We visited a few daycare facilities and chose the one that had big windows to each of the rooms in the hallway. So each room was basically a fishbowl where you could easily look in and out of. I feel that helps also lesson opportunity for abuse as what goes on in the classroom is easily seen by anyone walking by.

    Where ever or whatever you choose, make sure they have no issues what so ever with you dropping by to visit anytime you want without notice (which, if possible, you and/or partner should do every now and then unannounced). I also make sure to meet with the teachers and any new teachers my daughter has as she moves up to the next room for her age group. This is to get to know them a bit, them get to know us, and mostly, for them to know we're involved and aware. We mention we're continually educating our daughter (and now son, since he just started daycare earlier this month) to prevent sexual abuse and explain how (for example, as a baby we point out we use proper terms for private parts during diaper changes as we talk out loud, then when around one years old we start getting the child to be able to name their private parts, etc.). The Mama Bear Effect is a good site that gives a breakdown by age of how to educate your kids. Talking about this to the teachers/staff let them know you are watching (as far as keeping potential predators away), as well as gaining allies (by teaching/empowering others to help protect your child).

    Make sure to also ask management/owners what precautions they take to prevent sexual abuse. Their answer should involve more than just background checks (as that only weeds out people who have been caught). They should talk about training and education for their teachers, and procedures/rules that limit one on one interaction, as well as bathroom procedures for the potty trained kids. This is a great resource to help you with that discussion: https://www.themamabeareffect.org/putting-child-safety-first.html

    So...to end a super long post. I don't mean to scare by focusing mostly on preventing abuse. In each daycare setting, there will be plenty of teachers that truly love and enjoy the kids. A couple positives about daycare versus staying at home (there are positives both ways, but since you'll be using daycare, let's focus on those positives):
    • You'll have someone gushing over your cute LO and get to hear about how cute they are (because, don't we all love hearing other people talk about how awesome our LOs are?)
    • You'll see your LOs excitement when they see you after work
    • It's a nice way for your LO to learn to share and play with others (well, mostly if they wouldn't normally be around a bunch of kids otherwise...and of course this is more when they get a bit older out of baby-hood)
    • You'll have extra help when it comes to helping them use utensils/cups, and potty training (plus, they'll see other kids doing those things, which helps as well)
    • Starting them in daycare when they are this young helps them be used to you leaving and trusting you'll be back for them
    • I hate to say this, but I'm sure my daughter wouldn't have had as much fun just with me at home as she's had overall at daycare...just because I can't imagine I would have done daily (or almost daily) art projects and outside time multiple times a day.

    DDRRT1982sgrn18
  • @sgrn18 Leaving your LO is HARD - it doesn't matter what your hours will be or how much time you'll still get to spend with your baby, it's rough!  That being said, so is going to school and completing your degree - you deserve to put that bad boy to use and let your LO see what a fierce mama he has!  I would try to focus on the fact that your hard work is about to pay off.

    My husband and I were more comfortable with a day care center than in-home.  Like @enigmaticjj said, you can't control who goes in and out of someone's home, but day care centers tend to have beefed up security.  I also feel like there's more steady care at a day care center - it's not like there's one teacher and if she gets sick, you're screwed - there's always going to be someone there to watch your LO.  When it comes to choosing a day care center, here were the major factors for us:
    • Obviously, it needs to have hours and prices that meet your needs.  We had to rule out the day care I loved the most because its hours just weren't flexible enough - and that sounds like a DUH choice but I found it hard to make the obvious practical choices when N's care was involved, so it's worth a reminder!
    • Security: there should be double-locking doors, codes, a process for people who try to enter.  We saw one day care that didn't have these features... and a stranger walked into the infant room in the middle of our tour!  Nope, nope, and nope.
    • Baby needs his/her own space.  Most places we saw had no crib sharing, but the day care we chose seems next level with it: Nora's crib is labeled with her name and picture so no one can make a mistake about whose crib that is.  She has a hook labeled the same way for her jacket and bag, and pantry, fridge, and under-bed storage all labeled with her name.  Even though I send her food in labeled with her name every day, day care labels it a second time as verification that the right baby got the right food.  It's just a nice added way of knowing that her health and our desires for her are being prioritized.
    • An app is SUPER helpful.  Our school has Bright Wheels.  Teachers mark when N is dropped off, when/how much she eats, when/what is in there for diaper changes, and length of naps.  They upload pictures throughout the day and can send us messages through the app (and vice versa).  It's just a nice way of being in touch with her and the actual people who work with her throughout the day.
    • The bonus perk that came with our day care is a camera system!  Our school's is called Watch Me Grow.  Basically, there is one camera in each room, and when your kid enrolls, you're given access to the camera for that room.  So I can log in any time during the day and see a live feed of what's going on in that room.  The quality isn't great, which is probably good for me work-wise - otherwise, I'd spend all my time watching her!  But it is perfect for me to be able to take a quick peek, see what she's up to, and know if she's upset or not (I've probably checked 3-4 times a day for the last two months and never once saw her crying).
    • This wasn't something we knew when we signed up, but parent outreach is really nice.  They try to get parents involved with the school as much as possible.  There's a big trunk or treat event on Halloween, for example, where parents will be coming in costume and decorating their cars.  I'm volunteering as class mom to help get all the infants in their costumes and take them around to the cars with the teachers.  It makes me feel like part of a community, and it shows that the day care is really going above and beyond to give the kids positive experiences.
    This was all way longer than I intended - day care is just one of those things!  Like @enigmaticjj said, I think there are so many benefits that come with day care (even though, of course, we all wish we could be with our LOs all the time).  I had SUCH intense separation anxiety as a kid, and Nora is already so much more social than I ever was (...or am to this day lol).  When I drop her off, other babies will cheer and crawl over to see her, and she lights up to see them.  She's getting used to being cared for by people other than my husband and I, which I thinks help her build trust.  When I look at the cameras, N is almost always on the floor - sometimes interacting with teachers, sometimes with other babies, sometimes surrounded by toys playing on her own.  I know she's building more muscles than she would at home (SO MUCH TUMMY TIME) and building an independence that I really want for her - because I want her to be able to entertain herself, but when I'm home and she's awake, I have trouble resisting interacting with her.

    So long story short way too late, a lot of good can come from day care and you will find a place that fits for you.  I had my husband take a day off over the summer and we scheduled literally 5 different tours for that one day.  I made a spreadsheet that we filled out after each appointment and that helped us decide which center will be right for us.  You will find your fit.  The beginning will be hard, but it'll get easier for both you and LO every day!
    enigmaticjjDDRRT1982sgrn18
  • So we use an in home daycare. She has about 5 or 6 kids. We did this because we live in a small town and that was our only option. After reading @ashtuesdays post, I wish we had that! Don't get me wrong, I love our babysitter, but I don't know what's going on all day. I wish I could see it. I'm also pretty sure he spends a lot of time in a walker or chair. I don't know how much time he actually gets to sit and play with toys. That's my only issue, so I make sure he gets lots of time doing that at home after work and on weekends. So if I were you i'd probably choose the daycare route. He's been with her for 3 months and it's still hard to leave him. She's a great care taker and I trust her, but I still hate leaving him and only seeing him an hour a day. It gets a little easier as time goes. 
    DDRRT1982sgrn18
  • We chose a daycare center for a lot of the reasons mentioned. The germs are a slight downside, but it is either their first year of daycare or their first year at school that they'll be sick a lot - immune system has got to be built up at some time. I like that they get to do lots of activities and get to play with other kids their own age. 
    Me: 30 H: 30
    Dx: PCOS
    Married: June 2013
    TTC#1: January 2015
    BFP #1 8/24/15 | MC 9/3/15 at 6w2d
    BFP #2: 12/12/15 | DD born 8/29/16
    TTC#2: June 2017
    BFP #3: 7/15/17 | DS born 3/20/18
    DDRRT1982sgrn18
  • Thank you ladies for all your thorough and thoughtful responses! You've given me a lot of good things to look for and ask about!  I wrote them all down to ask lol.  I'll be working 12 hour shifts (3 days a week) and MH works 10 hr shifts (5 days a week) so we've already had to eliminate a bunch of daycares because of the times they are open. I was open to a home based daycare but I really like all the points you all made for the benefits of an actual center.  
    DDRRT1982
  • @sgrn18 if you end up working in a hospital setting they may have a day care on site for employees - which I think would be great because then you could visit if you get a break and it would be one stop for you. I know you’re just applying now (Good luck!) but that might be something to look Into as well. 
    DDRRT1982sgrn18
  • @shoretobe that would be amazing. We had one for a long time but they closed that hospital and let go of all the staff instead of absorbing them into the new hospital. A doctor that worked there saw an opportunity, hired all of them, and opened his own daycare so that's definitely one I'm going to talk to this week.  It's close to the 3 hospitals (gives me options for jobs) and open for hours associated with 12 hr shifts.  I'll probably be on a wait list for a while but the jobs I'm applying for have a residency starting in February so I have some time. 
    shoretobeDDRRT1982
  • @sgrn18 One roadblock we hit looking into in-home day care is that no one we spoke with wanted to take N part time (she'll be going down to 2 days/week soon). You might encounter that problem with in-home if your LO will only be there 3 days.
    sgrn18
  • You guys gave such useful and thoughtful responses.  

    I am a RT and work 12 hour shifts too.  I have always struggled finding care for my kids because of the hours, so I hope you don’t have the same struggle.  When I was a single mom I had to get really creative, but once I married a man that work 9-5 it opened up options.  With my oldest daughter we started out putting her in daycare part time.  They were nice and let me pick the days (something you might want to ask about).  However, I started moving around my days and working mostly weekends to keep her out of daycare.  This led to me just going part time and PRN.  We dropped daycare.  I have pretty much been working every weekend for five years now.  I love it and hate it. It allows for us to have a large family, but then we don’t have a lot of time off together to spend as a family.  I know it’s not what you were asking for, but really think about how your schedule plays into all of this.  Do you want to keep him out of daycare more or do you want some weekends off as a family?  The beauty of healthcare careers are all the opportunities for flexibility, but sometimes they can come at a price. Like I said, working weekends has given us many opportunities to grow as a family, but I take a pretty significant hit not having any weekends or down time.  For me it’s worth it, but for your family you might want something else.  I just wanted to share my experience with scheduling.
    ashtuesdaysgrn18shoretobe
  • Well, I got word that my company might be changing my position.  My position is that I work every weekend (24 hrs a week), but I get benefits like I work a full time schedule.  I don’t know for sure, but I think they are going to start consider my position part time making my benefits almost double and not reasonable for my income. We might be faced with making changes with my employment.  I am suppose to talk with my boss this morning.  I don’t want to go PRN, but I am not also interested in working every weekend without my benefits package.  That’s part of my compensation and I completely factor that into the benefits of keeping this position.  We’ll see.  Going full time might be a better option, but I would have to see about the schedule.  Ugh. 
  • Yeah I seriously have some slim pickings for daycare all because of the hours. Most open at 7am. I think there are 10 that open at 630 which is pushing it when you need to be at work at 645. I've found just the 1 that the dr opened that opens at 530. Then the most close by 6 which is pushing it for pickup since MH gets off at 530 and depending on how close he is itll easily take him 20 mins to get there.  Ugh so stressful! 

    I not sure how I'll go about this now. I'll be fine for the first half of the residency since it'll be 8 to5 but it gets tricky with the 12 hr shifts. 

    @DDRRT1982 I was looking at a position like that at our pediatric hospital. They do weekends only with full benefits but I'd still have to do the whole residency working full time. That would be horrible for them to change it on you like that. Youd think they would keep it since finding people who ONLY work weekends(willingly) is a tough gig. 
  • Ugh, they are changing it.  
  • Ugh, I'm sorry @DDRRT1982.  I agree that it would be hard to keep working weekends when they're cutting the perks that come with it.  Are there any comparable companies that you could apply with, if need be?

    @sgrn18 What time does your husband go into work?  Maybe he could do drop-off if you need to be there so early?  I have to be in earlier than my husband, so he drops N off alone while I pick her up.
    shoretobe
  • @DDRRT1982 that's awful! It's weird that they can just do that without some notice. I'm sorry that they chose to do that. Sometimes I hate hospitals because of that crap money>patients/employees. 

    @ashtuesday MH is actually at work earlier than I am, he goes in at 630. 
    shoretobe
  • Okay.  My overwhelm level is at 900.

    I have generally been doing a bad job.  Balancing work, the house, Nora, my husband, our families, life.  I don't have it all together right now, and being pregnant on top of it is complicating everything even more.  I've tried to talk to my husband about it, and it's like talking to a brick wall.  At best, he listens quietly.  He doesn't ask questions, he doesn't help come up with solutions, he doesn't feel any of the anxiety himself.

    This morning, I texted my godson to check in and he told me his mom (my cousin) wants to get rid of their dog.  This is a good, sweet dog who has had a hard time adjusting as they've moved from their house to an apartment recently.  As good as my cousin is with kids, she doesn't treat a dog the way you should and I know he's been abused.  She wants to send him to a shelter.  My husband and I love him and feel so bad for him - there were rumblings of him being sent away before, and we'd always said we'd take him.  But now, push is coming to shove.

    I 150% believe it would be the right thing for us to take this dog for his sake - he deserves a good home.  And my godkids would benefit from still being able to see him.  But I can't swallow this as the right choice for my family.  I am drowning, and despite my husband's "I will do whatever it takes to make this work," I know the responsibility will fall on my shoulders.  We had a 70-pound mutt in a 500-square foot apartment for 2 and a half years (we still have him, but now with a house and a yard) and I could count on 1 hand the number of times my husband took him on long walks for exercise.  On top of me already drowning in life, I know how abused dogs can be affected, and I know it takes time to build trust and rehabilitate them - what if he hurts Nora or the new baby in the time it takes to do that?  I brought this up to my husband, who responded "I'm not worried about that."  I know!  You're not worried about anything!  We have two dogs already, we have a kid and another one on the way, we just bought a house... I don't know that I could do it.  But I feel really, really guilty because I know it's the right thing.
    shoretobe
  • ashtuesday Poor dog! That's terrible what your cousin has done/is doing. Under other circumstances, it might be the right thing for you to take him in, but! He's already stressed. and a house with 2 dogs and 2 babies and a really stressed mom might not actually be the best thing for him. 
    Maybe you can help your cousin rehome him or find the right shelter - one with a good track record fostering/rehoming dogs with unfortunate pasts. There are good shelters in some areas.  :( 
    (Just trying to take some stress out of the situation.)

    Or you can talk to your husband, but instead of a general agreement that "he'll do what ever it takes," you need him to say specifically what he'll do - When will he feed dog? When will he walk it? Will he put vet visits on his calendar and get it done? etc
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    shoretobeashtuesday
  • To add to all this fun stress, I took Nate to the doctor today because he has a cough and stuffed nose and my husband has bronchitis. He had a fever of 101.5 when we got there. I really wish daycare would've noticed that. I had to take my sweater off he was so hot. I feel like that's really noticeable... He doesn't have flu or strep thankfully but it's really annoying that the babysitter didn't catch that and that my husband is sick because now I'll get 0 help with Nate. 
    shoretobe
  • shoretobeshoretobe member
    edited October 2018
    @DDRRT1982 I’m so sorry they’re just changing it on you - how frustrating. Did they offer any suggestion how to keep your benefits? I can’t believe they can’t grandfather you in (actually, I guess I can - it just stinks). 
    @ashtuesday just sending lots of love your way...I know that doesn’t help with feeling like you just can’t get ahead. It’s so weird cause life is so amazing with the baby but at the same time it’s just all so much (you know what o mean). 
    @mccurleya wishing Nate a speedy recovery. 

    Thinking of you all. 
    P.S. its not that I “love” that you’re all going through stuff. Just want you to know you’re heard 
    mccurleyaDDRRT1982sgrn18ashtuesday
  • Thanks, guys.  My boss said she just found out about it Friday.  They are grandfathering me in as TDA, but that only means my weekend schedule and an overall decrease in my overall compensation.  They are doing away with the TDA program all together.  She is looking into seeing if I can be pulled to full time, but logistically with all the kids I might be in a tight spot.  We’ll see.  Hopefully, my husband has more affordable benefits.  

    @ashtuesday sorry for all the stress with everything.  You have a big heart.  Maybe you could help her regime before she surrenders him.  I will be praying a loving he opens up for him. 

    @mccurleya I hope he is feeling better soon.  Poor guy.
    shoretobeashtuesday
  • That's so exciting!!! 
    sgrn18shoretobe
  • @DDRRT1982 sorry those are some rough changes to go through. It’s so hard to get good benefits anywhere now.

    @ashtuesday I love animals and would have a hard time not helping but it sounds like you are already stretched too thin. Like others have said maybe help it to find a new home for him.

    @mccurleya I hope Nate and your husband are feeling better. That's rough too because then you are usually waiting to get sick yourself.

    @sgrn18 yay for crawling!!
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    sgrn18ashtuesdayshoretobe
  • Thanks for the support ladies, and sorry for venting here.  As badly as I want to help this pup, I know it's an added responsibility I can't handle.  He was adopted as a puppy from the same shelter I got my dogs from; it's a no-kill shelter and I know that they will always accept their own dogs back, so I'm going to talk to my husband about that last night.

    @mccurleya Hope Nate's feeling better soon!

    @DDRRT1982 @sgrn18 Not a novel suggestion, but have you looked into any nursing positions in schools near you?  I don't know what field of nursing you're both in specifically, but schools do tend to offer good benefits (in my experience) and it means your schedule, if you have to go full time, would mirror your kids'.

    @sgrn18 Yay to crawling!!!
    shoretobe
  • Thanks for the support ladies, and sorry for venting here.  As badly as I want to help this pup, I know it's an added responsibility I can't handle.  He was adopted as a puppy from the same shelter I got my dogs from; it's a no-kill shelter and I know that they will always accept their own dogs back, so I'm going to talk to my husband about that last night.

    @mccurleya Hope Nate's feeling better soon!

    @DDRRT1982 @sgrn18 Not a novel suggestion, but have you looked into any nursing positions in schools near you?  I don't know what field of nursing you're both in specifically, but schools do tend to offer good benefits (in my experience) and it means your schedule, if you have to go full time, would mirror your kids'.

    @sgrn18 Yay to crawling!!!
    I am a Respiratory Therapist and positions usually outside of the hospital setting don’t pay as well.  I could do pulmonary function testing, but that would probably have me 9 to 5, five days a week putting the kids in daycare.  It’s definitely a reasonable option when all they will need is after school care down the road.  Nursing has more opportunities outside of the hospital setting.  RTs are a bit limited.

    guys, I forgot it was my anniversary until my MIL reminded me. I suck.  
    fatstagnationshoretobe
  • Nursing has so many opportunities outside of the hospital but I need to get hospital experience before wandering out. Now I'm looking at all these jobs and getting kinda excited. My dream would be do work in Labor and delivery but positions are few and far between. 

    @megpeg I agree! I'm glad you guys welcomed me into your group and that we've kept it going! Seriously has been so awesome to share this experience with you all.
    DDRRT1982
  • sgrn18  I forgot you weren't *always* a part of our group. :D 
    BabyFruit Ticker

    shoretobeDDRRT1982sgrn18maelily15
  • @DDRRT1982 Ah, I hear you.  Fingers crossed the right opportunity (with your current company or elsewhere, if that's what you want) opens up soon.  And happy belated anniversary!

    @megpeg I definitely agree - very thankful for you ladies.  And I'm with @fatstagnation - @sgrn18 , don't remember Bump life without you!

    DDRRT1982sgrn18
  • I'm happy to have you all as well! Also, Nate ended up with croup :( he's so pitiful
    shoretobeDDRRT1982
  • Poor Nate. Hope he feels better soon and that you all can find some rest. 

    My random - my grandpa was on the local news tonight for a book he wrote on World War I and he  used a picture of him and Maeve for the story - which was very sweet of him to do. It’ll be cool to show the baby when she’s older. 

    ashtuesdayDDRRT1982fatstagnationmaelily15
  • @mccurleya, croup over here as well. My 3 year old daughter had it a couple weeks ago, and LO has had the cough for a few days now. No fun especially since it flares up at night.
    shoretobe
  • Sorry guys croup sucks! My oldest was in the hospital with it when he was 8 months old for 2 nights. It was sad and scary to see him not be able to breath. Hope your little ones feel better!
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    shoretobe
  • Thank you @megpeg and @enigmaticjj I hope yours feels better soon. It's 12:30 am and the breathing treatment has me a gittery baby now
    shoretobe
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