Bitchtoberfest • w/o 10.1

echo-charlietango

Holy crap y’all it’s October now. Last week of Oktoberfest, and our baby days feel suddenly closer

AdorkablePixie

My bitch is DS's darn molar that's popping through. His sleep was off for like a week and a half and he was waking up a lot at night, which is not normal. I noticed last Monday he had a molar popping through. Then his sleep was better Monday-Wednesday so I thought we were through out. Thursday he woke up multiple times, Friday was once... Saturday night he barely slept at all. DH ended up going in and just sleeping on his floor because it was the only was he was staying asleep, I would have just gone and slept in his bed with him but I was so dizzy and felt so ill I couldn't. Last night I expected terrible sleep because he had an elevated temp all day and wouldn't nap. He woke up a couple times and when he woke up at 2:00am I gave him more Tylenol and put him in bed with me because I had to be up at 4:00am. I hate cosleeping, but it was the only way he was staying asleep and I could not stay asleep in his toddler bed last night. Sorry about the short story explaining why I hate molars. This is the only molar he's had this reaction with!!

maureenmce

@AdorkablePixie Oh, my sympathies! Molars are the worst! 

I am full of bitching today:

-the a/c is out at our office and it is approximately 1 million degrees. I'm sweating and feeling lightheaded and I really hope they fix it asap! (It's being worked on.)
-found out our daycare raised the infant prices nearly $300/month since DD was in infant care! So our monthly daycare bill will basically be $3000. *faints*
-I haven't worn my maternity jeans in a few weeks and decided to wear them to work today and I did not realize how uncomfortable they would be while sitting. Which I do all day. So.

echo-charlietango

@AdorkablePixie Whee! At least molar quantities are limited - still sucks though.
@maureenmce I'm sorry your panteloones are uncomfortable, that's insult to injury. Ick.

I have a mini-bitch. So months ago I delegated a few tasks to DH so that he could be involved with the registry - so it didn't have to be the Echo Show. He was in charge of researching and picking out LO's carseat, stroller, and baby monitor. DH did and I was happy with his choices until recently when I realized that the infant car seat is not compatible with the stroller! No adaptors are made so now I have to research car seats and strollers to find a good combination for us. So my bitch is that if I was going to end up doing this, why did I give him this task months ago?! Bah.

Oh, and we were offered a nice non-expired infant car seat - but it's only compatible with high end European strollers. DH is like "Yay, it's an excuse to buy the Thule!" and I'm here going "Thule + adaptor = $510 ...we can get a new American set without spending as much money..." So yeah, back to researching combinations.

Katzalia

@echo-charlietango maybe a used Thule? So frustrating to have to resume the hunt when you thought you were done. 

@maureenmce uncomfortable pants + sweltering without AC sounds like hell. Hope they get the AC working again soon and your day gets better from here. And seriously ridiculous the cost of daycare. I’m hanging out in denial over here because our price tag is at least that much. 

My BF items this morning:

I am having ridiculous GI distress today. Food poisoning? My thyroid acting up? Random GI bug courtesy of preschool? Blergh.

Also I bought a pair of shelves from Ikea and I finished assembling one of them, only by raiding parts from the other one. Now I have to call or something to try to get the right spare parts. Such a nuisance. 

Eta: this morning? It’s nearly 3 pm. 

echo-charlietango

@Katzalia Good call on the used! So far I can only find a blue one, two hours away, for $300. Now I'm leaning towards paying full price for not-blue and to not have to drive for four hours I'll keep looking though, because I forgot about the adjustable handlebar and easy folding. Welp, bitch withdrawn! I shared my findings with DH, and he shared some good stock news with me. In a matter of seconds he sold some stocks and made many dollars. So I'll just buy the Thule whenever I want

Have your GI issues cleared up yet? I hope it's nothing serious!

kadeephd

@maureenmce Ugh what a day!

@Katzalia Hope you feel better.

@echo-charlietango yay for good stock news.

My bitch: they just released the spring schedule of classes.  There are three more required courses for me on the PhD level and they are all offered this spring.  Every semester so far I have had one evening class, but of course next semester all of the required classes are during the day, three different days of the week.  This either means I can't take them all or it makes it tougher to figure out childcare.  I had hoped I'd be able to stay home most days until my husband got home from work.  I might be able to put some of them off until next year, but I don't know when they'll be offered then either so that might just be punting the problem.  If I don't take them all, I also couldn't take my qualifier exams at the end of this year, which would mean I couldn't get a jump start on my dissertation (you aren't allowed to defend your prospectus until you pass your qualifier exams).  After I finish these classes I should be able to do all evening ones.  I was really hoping the schedule would work out better for me and this is just about the worst possible distribution and timing throughout the week.  Arghghhhh

morgantu

Yikes @kadeephd that does sound rough. I haven't been in a PhD program, but I know with my masters+research it was a struggle. I can't imagine a baby adding to the mix. I hope you and yh can get it worked out! 

clbness

@echo-charlietango I'm glad the Thule issue worked itself out, yay!
@AdorkablePixie Ugh, so sorry for the teething woes...I feel for ya!
@maureenmce OMG, your daycare prices are no joke out there!  I can't believe they raised that much in such a short amount of time, that's so discouraging!

DH totally pissed me off with his drinking on Saturday.  I should preface this by saying I don't feel left out by not being able to drink while pregnant, so this is not a jealous-because-I-can't-drink thing.  So, he was drinking in the afternoon at home on Saturday (thanks to another Husker loss) and I could tell he was pretty buzzed by the time we put DD to bed...I could already hear it in his voice.  After her bedtime, he disappeared back to the garage for 1 hour + while I sat at the table and painted one of DD's wall hangings for her new room.  He came back in the house, set his phone down on the counter and disappeared to the bedroom.  I knew he was just trying to hide how drunk he had gotten in the garage...by himself.  About 20 minutes later, I was ready to go to bed, so I checked that the front door was locked and while doing that, I saw one of our dogs sitting patiently in the front yard.  Say what?!  So, I run to the garage to see if he had left it open, and nope, he closed that like a good boy, but didn't pay attention to where the dogs were.  This is a nightly routine, y'all...make sure the dogs are inside with their collars off, garage door is shut and door leading from house to garage is locked.  So, I let Husker inside (his collar was already off, so what if he had run off without his collar?!?!  *super angry face*) and locked the front door.  Went back and woke MH and said, "in case you were wondering how Husker was doing, I just found him out in the front yard!"  He seemed confused and immediately fell back asleep.  When I finally got to bed, he was snoring extra loud (like he usually does when he has just 1 too many), so I nudged him lightly and asked him to roll over.  No reaction, so I nudged harder and asked him a little louder to roll to his side.  He just turned his head to the side.  Mind you, he's a lot harder to wake when he's drunk, so I nudged extra hard a 3rd time and yelled, "roll to your side, damnit, don't just turn your damn head!"  That worked.  He laid there for a minute then sat up straight and got up and walked out of the room.  I thought he was going to the bathroom, but no, I hear plastic crunching and realized he was in the spare bedroom (plastic is on the floor because we're painting in there).  I get up out of bed and he's coming out of the spare bedroom and about to go into DD's room.  I say, "what the hell are you doing?!"  He says, "going to the f**king bathroom!"  I lose my shit (not even joking, I was shaking while whisper-yelling at him) and say, "the f**king bathroom is over there (pointing across from DD's room).  You just came from the spare room and are almost to go into B's room when the bathroom is right f**king there!  Have another drink, you f**king idiot!!!"  I went back to bed and angrily pounded the screen of my phone waiting for my heart to stop beating out of my chest.  Thankfully, he didn't try to come back to bed...he knew he messed up and went downstairs to sleep.  I didn't treat him badly Sunday, but I was definitely short with him.  When we went to bed last night, I asked him if he would like to know what he did Saturday night and he didn't remember ANY of it.  I calmly told him everything and even confessed that I had called him a name and apologized for that part (even though he had no idea I called him a name, I just wanted to be honest).  He was embarrassed and felt like a piece of shit and was completely apologetic.  I told him that him blacking out after casually drinking at home was not acceptable and I refused to be married to his father.  He's had a couple other blackout instances in the past year, so I think that's why I lost my patience with him.  Sorry for the long ass rant!

tl;dr DH is on my shit list.

Katzalia

@kadeephd that’s rough. Can YH flex his schedule at all to cover any of your classes? 

Jens_Hoes

@clbness
I unfortunately relate very well to your bitchfest.  DH has a drinking problem and is forbidden to drink liquor, specifically captain morgan. He has done way too many reckless, aggressive, and out of control things when blacked out on liquor.  It has caused a lot of strife in our relationship, and I've almost left him a few times because of it.  Luckily, he has gotten it WAY under control, but I am super sensitive anytime he drinks. I hope he sees the error of his ways and gets his shit together.

morgantu

@clbness and @Jens_Hoes solidarity on the very sensitive to drinking wives club. H and I have fights about it a couple times a year. He has also gotten his shit together in a big way (and grown up a lot, I think), but it's one of those things that I am easily set off about. Hopefully yh cools it and you guys figure out a good balance.  

katy0990

@AdorkablePixie Molars suck! I hope they pop through soon!
@maureenmce $3000?!?!? That is insane! Do you get a discount for having more than one child there?
@echo-charlietango I’m glad your stroller issue resolved itself!
@Katzalia That’s annoying! I need to go to Ikea soon to get spice racks for DS’s new room. It’s a great store, but a PITA to navigate!
@kadeephd Would you be able to take baby to class with you at all? Or can you take any of the courses in the evening or online at another university and transfer them?
@clbness I’m so sorry! Do you think he has a problem? Does he? *hugs*

Katzalia

@clbness I’m sorry you are having to deal with YH’s problem drinking. I’m so impressed at how direct you are with him about the problems his drinking is causing for you. Hopefully he makes some changes to be able to have a healthier approach to drinking. 

kadeephd

@clbness I'm sorry about your Saturday night and your husband's issue with alcohol.  I think substance abuse is a problem in a lot of relationships.  I'm not super comfortable going into details on this forum, but I have sympathy for what you are going through.

@Katzalia My husband works at a high school so he doesn't really have any flexibility with his hours unfortunately. 

@katy0990 I'm not sure about taking the baby to class.  I guess I would have to check with individual professors about that.  I don't feel too comfortable asking, but maybe it's worth a shot.  Unfortunately these three classes are ones I need and they must be taken on-campus at my university.

katy0990

@kadeephd I completely understand feeling uncomfortable asking, but there was someone in my cohort who brought her infant with her sometimes, so maybe you would be able to.

LLynde5

@clbness girl I think our husband are long lost brothers.  They both seem to take sport too seriously and my husband did something similar on Friday night after a party we went to.  He was snoring and I woke him by asking him turn the TV off.  He spent a solid five minutes turning the screen of his cell phone on and off while pointing it at the TV.  He then fell right back to sleep.  He has done the lost on the was to the bathroom B.S. before also, actually worse he peed in a basket of clean laundry because I did stop him in time.  

I will not make excuses for that behavior but I am more accepting of it when DD is not home.  (And she wasn’t this weekend)  I alway make him aware but I have learned that he is harder on himself.  I won’t see that level of drunk for months to come now.  I am not sure if he will ever grow up enough to keep it in check forever but it seems to be less and less frequent.   I hope that is the case for you too!!

zoepac

@maureenmce I feel you! Daycare pricing is my every month bitch. My son only right now is 3200 for full day and adding an infant will bring it to $6900 which we can't afford. (But kudos to the numerous families who do at our center) we are going the nanny route for 4000 and calling it a deal... ugh 😑 

krob

Add me to the ridiculous daycare costs. New baby will bring us over $3K per month as well. And we are currently at a really really inexpensive daycare. Considering switching to a nanny once DS2 is here. I am torn tho because DS absolutely loves daycare and I love the socialization for him. 

scaredunprepared

@clbness and @LLynde5 it sucks when others overindulge and aren't aware of their own behavior or how it affects others. Sorry you're dealing with that bs, and from your hubbies, no less.

@kadeephd no childcare offered by your school? My good friend had her baby the last semester of grad school, and teachers were very understanding and let her bring her daughter to class very often.  

@AdorkablePixie sorry you're dealing with teething and molars!

@maureenmce $3k per month?  Is this daycare or boarding school? Sheesh!

LLynde5

@scaredunprepared I’m not mad at my husband.  If anything he is just a little embarrassed.  He has in the past had way worse behavior.  Our daughter was at my parents for the weekend and even though I could tell he was having too much fun with the guys, he was in a great mood, cracking jokes and talking to the bump before he finally fell asleep.  I was in shock, more than anything, when he didn’t wake up with the phone/remote thing.  I didn’t realize he was that far gone.  BUT like I mentioned before he will be mindful about his drinking for months now and with the new baby definitely won’t over indulge!!  

scaredunprepared

@LLynde5 I'm glad he wasn't that bad, and that he will be more cognizant in the future.  Being in a good mood is one thing, but the line is a fine one to navigate and often gets crossed, sometimes unintentionally.  Sounds like he knows his responsibilities

AdorkablePixie

@maureenmce That is terrible!! I feel like you should be sent home if the AC isn't working. Daycare is so expensive!! Once LO is here our daycare costs will be more than our mortgage. That just seems wrong to me!

@echo-charlietango That is awesome! Good for him. It sounds like he's smart with money and investments. I wish my husband was that way..

@kadeephd Ugh. That sucks. I hope it all works out.

@clbness Of my gosh.. not cool!! I would have been pissed too.  I probably wouldn't have kicked him off of the bed when he didn't turn over the first time. My DH drinks more frequently than I'd like (it's usually just one or two angry orchards or something while he's unwinding at the end of the day, not getting drunk) and I feel like it's not necessary. Even when not pregnant I rarely drink. He doesn't drink to get drunk though, so I guess that's good. He does snore more when he drinks though, and it's so annoying.

katy0990

@LLynde5 He peed in a basket of clean laundry?!?!?! You must have a lot of self control. I think I would have ended up on that Snapped show!

morgantu

I have one for today- when i bought my first home, i got a grant from our city that was 5k and you have to stay in the house 5 years. Well, i'm selling after almost 4 years (4 years would be end of oct, we are closing this week) and apparently the grant will not prorate what I owe them back for the 11.5 MONTHS of the year that I owned the house. So now I owe $1500 back to them instead of $750 (2 full years instead of 1). I am so freaking annoyed. 

rosebud332

@clbness I’m sorry your husband was irresponsible this weekend. Maybe it would help to establish a rule that there’s no drinking during the hours the kids are awake? That at least gives less time for overindulgence. I can definitely relate to the football woes. DH was in a ridiculously bad mood for a while after the eagles lost. I just can’t wrap my mind around caring that much about a game. And the drunk snoring is so infuriating. My dh does that and also sometimes comes to bed smelling like beer even if he’s only had a couple. Pregnant me is not very accommodating to any of it.

katy0990

@morgantu That’s annoying! Can you push the closing?

morgantu

@katy0990 nope, we need the money from our house closing more than that $750. It's just a surprise expense that i am not loving. I will get over it, just not the way i wanted to start my day haha. 

LLynde5

@morgantu that stinks. 

@katy0990 the laundry thing was a long time ago and I didn’t say I didn’t snap, lol.  But it was pointless because he had no idea he did. He is good about cleaning up after himself.   If that counts for anything....

kadeephd

@morgantu Ugh that sucks!  I would be mad too.

@scaredunprepared My university only offers daycare for potty-trained children.  Also it's probably more money than we can afford!  My current hope is to find a reliable college or grad student and bring the baby to campus with me to hand off to them when I am in class.  Hopefully we have an easy baby!

I have no idea what a reasonable rate is so I'll have to figure that out. How much do others pay babysitters? I am guessing there is a lot of geographic variation and we do live in a pricey area.  However it would probably be a pretty easy job since I would bring the baby to them and pick it up -- whoever I hire could stay on campus studying.

LLynde5

@kadeephd how much to pay a baby sitter is tricky.  We generally pay ten bucks an hour but it my baby cousins who do the majority of our babysitting. They are 17-22 years old.  However, say they only watch for an hour or two we pay double or it wouldn’t be worth their time. 

If I had to pay an adult, non family member with all their clearance with would be closer to $20 bucks an hour around here.  

katy0990

@kadeephd My friend used to watch DS 2 days per week at her house (her kids were there, too) and we paid her $4/hour. I know some in my area who pay more and some who pay less. Daycares tend to pay $8-10 per hour. I would look on care.com in your area to get a better idea. Is there an ECE program at your school? You may be able to find someone in that program, whom you could pay less, if they could use it on their resume.

temmetime

@clbness First off - Wow, that is so incredibly frustrating & I'm glad you are upfront with him the next day. I hope he feels embarrassed enough to actually make a change. Secondly, we (Huskers) may very well not win a single game this year  MH sticks with his Busch Light, thankfully, so even though he drinks 8-10 beers starting in the afternoon, he doesn't get out of control. What bothers me is that he got migraines both Saturday & Sunday after some day drinking & now won't eat my leftover chicken & rice soup or the pizza we got because he thinks it may have caused his migraines (Not even considering the drinking).
I have to admit that I do have a bit of jealously of the drinking though. I love a few beers myself, so watching someone else drink daily gets SO OLD. If he feels fine (no headaches), helps with DS & housework and sticks to light beer I'm fine with it. 

Activebaby

@kadeephd cost of baby sitting is very location specific. Around here it’s $20/hr. Our babysitter and we’re fine with that when we just had 1 kid and now with 2. I’m thinking we will probably owe more when ds3 comes along. 

clbness

@Jens_Hoes @morgantu @katy0990 @Katzalia @kadeephd @rosebud332 @LLynde5 @scaredunprepared @AdorkablePixie  Thanks for the love and solidarity!  I'm sorry some of you have gone through similar crap with your DH's too.  Jen, I'm glad YH has nixed the hard alcohol and that has seemed to help.  I think MH needs to stick to just beer because he doesn't overdo it with beer.  Katy, before we had DD, he drank about 1-3 beers every other night.  I wasn't a fan of it, but it wasn't a HUGE problem because he wasn't forgetting things or appearing to even be buzzed.  After DD, I made it clear that I didn't want his drinking to turn into a problem like his Dad's drinking did with his Mom.  After DD turned 1, he had a couple instances where he forgot things that we had JUST done together and I reminded him last night that I was not OK with that.  So, no, I don't think he has a problem.  BUT, it seems that him adding hard liquor into the mix IS a problem for him and if he doesn't accept that, then it's definitely a problem.  Llynde, since I am on the outside looking in, I totally chuckled at him trying to turn the TV off with his phone, haha!  But, I probably would have been irritated/annoyed if I was in bed with him at the time.  I agree though, it's a different story if the kids aren't home...I wouldn't have been mad if B wasn't at home or we were staying somewhere without B.  Katzalia, thank you.  I was a bit proud of myself when we talked about it the next night too.  Had I talked to him about it when I was still pissed, it would have been a lot uglier and I know how I can be when I'm angry.  It's not pretty.  It wouldn't have been a productive conversation.  Anywhoo, we will see how things continue and if he has any more black out moments, I'm going to have to take some serious action, much like Jen.  If it happens again, would I be horribly out of line speaking with his Mom about it?  Since she has gone through it with his Dad and has openly told me about some of the situations?  When DH's best friend passed away 4 summers ago, she asked if MH had been controlling his drinking while grieving, so she has asked me before about his drinking.  

clbness

@morgantu Dang it, that's frustrating...so sorry for the added expense!

@temmetime You chimed in while I was writing another novel...I had a feeling you would, as you've mentioned the same irritations as me before!    Ya know, when I was pregnant with DD, I was a little bit jealous because I wasn't able to drink.  Something changed in me this time and it really doesn't bother me all.  Do I still love craft beer and red wine and look forward to having some post baby?  Hells to the yes!  I'm glad YH just sticks to beer and doesn't get out of hand, but I'm totally laughing at his reasoning behind his migraines.  Suuuure, buddy!  BUT, I couldn't agree more with your last sentence...amen, sista!

P.S. I think our H's would have a good time watching some Husker football together!  Not this season, though...like you said, it's definitely going to be a losing season.  

temmetime

@clbness I agree - they sound like they'd have a good time together watching a game! Maybe in another year or three when the Huskers improve?  

katy0990

@clbness I don’t think it would be out of line to talk to his mom, if he continues to overdo it, especially since she has been there.

maureenmce

Belatedly catching up - Expensive daycare solidarity @Katzalia @zoepac and @krob ! @Krob we considered a nanny as well, but it would be more and honestly, we love our daycare (and so does DD) so we're just biting the bullet. At least it'll only be that expensive for 1.5 years or so, until this LO starts the toddlers class, which is somewhat cheaper. 

@Katzalia are you feeling any better today? Sorry about GI issues, they're the worst.

@clbness Oh my gosh, I would have lost it if my husband let the dog outside without a collar and nearly walked into DD's room! You did a great job confronting him the next day, setting boundaries and being direct. I think sometimes guys need more of a "hey, we are parents and grown ups now, we can't drink like we did in college" talk than women (especially when football related drinking is involved.) Hopefully your husband gets the message because you don't need the added stress!

LLynde5

@clbness I am not sure how your relationship is with you and your MIL or between your MIL and your husband.  I was very close with my MIL and I did make the call one time before we were even engaged that E was out of control.  I really just wanted to have his dad come and take him to their house for the night.  His mom was the most tender person and she talked me down, because I started to cry, feeling bad because I was embarrassed for E and I didn’t know what else to do.  She had me put E on the phone. I have no idea what she said to him but when I said good night to her she said put him to bed and I will talk to him tomorrow.  She thanked me that evening for calling her and we never spoke about it again.  (Like never ever)  The next morning I didn’t say a word to him and at about 10 am his mom called.  No idea what that phone call entailed.  E apologized sincerely and also wasn’t mad at me in the slightest. 

But I always felt bad about it, maybe because I tattled.  And even though I invited my MIL into that mess and she had the right to voice her opinion, he was a grown ass man and he was reprimanded.  I never in the whole time I knew my MIL saw her raise her voice. She was a mom of three boys and had total control and pose till the very end. 
I would only warn that anytime you tell someone something of this nature, they will draw their own opinions and/or feel like they can offer their opinions into this matter and other matter in your relationship with your HD. 

Now for my husband, the biggest threat would be marriage counseling because he has a background in counseling, so he would feel like he should have known better.  He would attend if I asked him and he knows counseling works.  I have threatened it before but I like to keep it in my pocket as if it’s a trump card and don’t want to use it until there is no other option.  

katy0990

 This is probably really petty, but I’m going to complain anyway. My son is 2 1/2 and my dad has never watched him, mostly because he lives an hour and a half away. Anyway, I need to go Saturday morning for my glucose test. My husband is on call this week and will be working on Saturday.  My dad is coming down for a memorial service at 11.  Well, I asked him if he would mind coming down a little early and staying at my house with DS, while I went to the lab. He acted like he was interested, but call me back today and told me that he does not think it will work out because he would need to leave his house around 7.I just feel frustrated because he has complained in the past about not being able to watch his grandson and here I give him the opportunity, but he does not want to get up early. The man is up at 5 AM every morning, anyway, so I really don’t get it, but whatever. I guess I will just take DS with me and cross my fingers that he is calm and happy.