My family is supportive but my husbands is, well horrible

taylorsmall29

My husband and I have been married for 2 years and have decided to try to get pregnant. He's always wanted children, where I've been more on the fence and have just recently decided that I, too, would like to have a baby.

My family is super supportive and just as excited as we are. We haven't told his family yet. I'm worried how they will react. They still very much try to control everything. His mom had him at 18 and thinks that if we have a baby we will ruin our lives to. Not joking, she often talks about how having my husband ruined her life. His side of the family are very heavy drinkers and his mom is a heavy smoker. So I don't really want our child to be left alone with them or be around her without myself or my husband there to make sure there is no smoking around our child. These are only a couple of the issues I have with his side. I really don't know how to handle it because my family is great. They are supportive and understand that we don't want our child to be around any smoke.

For reference, I am 25 and my husband is 24. We both have full time jobs and have lived together and on our own for years. We are TTC and our HEDD is June. I guess my question is, how would you handle this situation? My husband agrees with me, but doesn't like confrontation.  Is it ok to just flat out tell his side that they can't be alone with the baby and that I won't be coming to family gatherings while pregnant to avoid the second hand smoke? Is it horrible that we have shared the news of TTC with my family but not with his? 

meggyme

It sounds like you both don’t have a great relationship with his family, so I’m not sure what you’re afraid of losing. If you don’t want to be around the smoke, then don’t go. Tell them it’s because you’re TTC or because it gives you a headache or because it makes you feel sick. 

You don’t need to disclose every detail of your life just because they’re family. It also doesn’t hurt to set boundaries like this now. It doesn’t get any easier when a baby is involved, but it does make it more important. At least you’re on the same page with your husband.

wishiwaspreggo

My sister-in-law recently told her heavy-smoking sister that she won't allow her baby in their house. It didn't go over well but she's doing what's best for her child. That's what we all have to do. There are definitely places I won't let my child go or situations I'd put him in and I've pissed off a few people because of my rules but I don't care. My son is my priority and his needs come before anyone else's feelings.

yelyah4826

I would honestly cross that confrontational bridge when you get to it. Don’t worry about that stuff now when it could effect yours and your husbands relationship.

Does the family smoke inside the house? Do they smoke around pregnant women and children? A very easy and polite thing would be just to ask them if they minded smoking outside when you visit and are pregnant or once you have a baby. That may have been their intentions all along anyways!


edit for autocorrect 

TJtheGoat

If you don’t think they will be supportive, I wouldn’t even tell them you are TTC. No point in inviting unpleasant people to give their opinions on your life. And when you do get pregnant, just tell them you can’t be around the smoke, period. If you don’t leave it up for discussion, it leaves less for them to argue about. Good luck. I know it can be tough dealing with family.