I'm torn on the Santa/tooth fairy/etc. front. I LOVED all of the holidays growing up, Christmas, Easter (though that was mostly because we did scavenger hunts to find our baskets, not because of a giant Easter bunny), Halloween... a part of me really wants my son to have that magic.
Then again, my child is already such a realist little child that when I bought him a wand at a Harry Potter festival, he made me clarify that it would do *real* magic spells. Then I was stuck trying to decide if I should tell him the truth, or lie directly to his face to keep the magic alive. Sigh. He then tried to make spells happen and got sad when they didn't. >heart breaks just a little<
OMG I FUCKING LOVE PICKLES. I'm feeling personally attacked that more than one person in here hates them
Re: Santa - we take DS to see Santa for pictures at the mall and he sees him in movies, but we've never said "Hey this plump old man is watching you so behave." I really don't know if he thinks Santa is a real person or more of a character, but we haven't really pushed SANTA on him.
I was raised Catholic and did the whole Santa thing, but have married a Jewish man and our kids were converted. It's hard living in a city with a small Jewish community and we're hounded by Santa (and Xmas trees, red and green, and Xmas parties) everywhere. Who ever thinks there is a "war on Christmas" is clearly stuck up their own ass. I appreciate how many parents are deciding not to tell their kids Santa is real. I remember being hurt that my parents would lie to me for years about it.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
I’m Jewish, but my dad isn’t so we celebrated Christmas as a secular holiday. DH is also not Jewish, so we’ll continue with Christmas. And I fully intend to have Santa deliver presents on Christmas morning.
I don’t Plan on sheltering my kids, but I’m sure not going to let them think it’s ok to walk around talking like a truck driver. I think kids who swear are incredibly disprespectful. I also won’t swear up a storm in front of them and tell them not to do it themselves. I just try to talk like... myself... and not curse all the time. If my kids start swearing they are going to have a come to Jesus talk because I’m just not cool with that.
Santa will deliver the presents at our house for as long as my girls believe! They love the idea of Santa and it’s adorable. If it gets them to act better, I don’t see the harm. That’s how my parents raised me and I have never felt offended that they “lied” to me. They just let me be a kid. Let kids be kids!
@mels823 I’m going to have to disagree. Kids who curse aren’t disrespectful, kids who are disrespectful are disrespectful. If one kid says “Oh shit!” when he drops his plate, and another kid angrily yells “You’re a stupid poopy head!” I’m going to be more upset at the second one because the first one didn’t disrespect me at all, he just made an exclamation. I think it’s more important to teach your kids to be respectful and that there are situations where those words are inappropriate, but cursing on its own does not make someone disrespectful.
That being said, I don’t curse a lot around my kids (really just exclamations) because in general those are situations where cursing is inappropriate. But growing up I got grounded for using the word “crap” or “hell” and I don’t want to raise my kids to be scared of words like I was.
Ok so I'm coming in late. We are going ahead with Santa but when I found out Santa wasn't real, I wasn't hurt or felt that my childhood was defined by finding out that the jolly old fat man isn't real. But what we truly believe in is the spirit of Christmas and the "spirit" of Santa Claus. That giving is important, spending time with family and friends, and of course, the reason why Christian's (should) partake in Christmas is because of the birth of Jesus. I don't think it's going to make our kids' childhood go down the tank if they believe in Santa for 8-10 years-ish. After I found out, I remember that next Christmas because I got to be in on an "adult" secret and got to watch my little brothers get really excited.
We do plan on having a discussion with our kids when they start asking about the importance of maintaining the spirit of Christmas. There are example letters on Pinterest (and everywhere) and we really like that idea. But in person, not a letter.
@mels823 I’m going to have to disagree. Kids who curse aren’t disrespectful, kids who are disrespectful are disrespectful. If one kid says “Oh shit!” when he drops his plate, and another kid angrily yells “You’re a stupid poopy head!” I’m going to be more upset at the second one because the first one didn’t disrespect me at all, he just made an exclamation. I think it’s more important to teach your kids to be respectful and that there are situations where those words are inappropriate, but cursing on its own does not make someone disrespectful.
That being said, I don’t curse a lot around my kids (really just exclamations) because in general those are situations where cursing is inappropriate. But growing up I got grounded for using the word “crap” or “hell” and I don’t want to raise my kids to be scared of words like I was.
If I hear a kid/toddler shouting “what the fuck” I’m definitely giving him a major side eye. Shit isn’t a terrible swear imo. Crap, hell, shit, are definitely not the same as fuck, twat, cunt, etc in my book. When I hear those words used in public I think low class (and my H does it sometime and I tell him he’s acting straight up gross and embarrassing”
Regardless, I saw “gosh darn it” a lot and people giggle, but my 3 year old said it the other day it I was relieved it was that rather than god damnit!
My friend teaches elemtary school art and the things her first thru third graders say make me want to throw up. don’t even get me started on the 6th grade class in an upper class neighborhood my bff works in. Kids think it’s ok to speak that way... but it’s not.
ETA: I will hope to have my kids say “oh man!” Rather than “oh shit”. If it comes down to being disrespectful towards aomeone, I’d rather hear a kid say “you’re a poopy head” rather than “you’re a fucking idiot”.
I try not to curse around my kid, but it comes out sometimes. When he says things that are inappropriate, I just explain to him that those are words that only grown ups say. He gets it, no problem. For a short time he was saying "oh god!" which my mother would have a heart attack over if she ever heard. I explained that only grown ups say that and it's not very polite, especially for kids to say, and he hasn't said it again. Kids are smart and I don't worry too much. If he can understand that wine and beer are only for grown ups, I don't see why he wouldn't understand that "shit," is also only for grown ups.
@mels823 I think it's pretty normal for elementary school kids to "try out" saying shocking things. They are exploring language, learning about consequences, and figuring out what kinds of reactions they can get from adults. Definitely if they don't grow up in homes that teach them kindness and appropriate boundaries, things will be worse. But all kids will do and say inappropriate things just to find out what happens. If your friend is dealing with children who are consistently doing and saying vastly inappropriate things, then it probably isn't because their parents curse in front of them, and more likely that they have serious problems at home. By middle school it won't matter if you've said bad words in front of your kids or not. By then they've heard every word in the book, and some made up ones besides. I spent my entire 8th grade year wondering what a "snow blow job" was. By then it matters a lot more that you've taught your kid to be respectful and kind, than it matters if your cursed in front of them. There's almost no way that a normal middle school kid won't be saying "oh shit," every once in awhile, if nothing else because their friends are doing it. Peer pressure is powerful.
@mels823 said: I’d rather hear a kid say “you’re a poopy head” rather than “you’re a fucking idiot”.
I completely understand why you feel that way, because my gut reaction is that one is worse than the other, but for me intent is more important than which random collection of phonemes comes out. My kid would get his ass handed to him if he said either one of those.
I’m not disagreeing that there are certain words that have no place in my kid’s vocabulary, and there are words that have no place in school (I was a K-12 teacher for 8 years, I’ve heard it all). My kid will learn that certain words in certain situations are inappropriate because of how people perceive you or that they make people uncomfortable. But saying “what the fuck” to your teacher and saying “what the fuck” when you’re stuck on a video game level have very different connotations, and in our house one would get punished and one would get an offer for help.
@mels823 said: I’d rather hear a kid say “you’re a poopy head” rather than “you’re a fucking idiot”.
I completely understand why you feel that way, because my gut reaction is that one is worse than the other, but for me intent is more important than which random collection of phonemes comes out. My kid would get his ass handed to him if he said either one of those.
This. They’ll be standing in the corner for the same amount of time.
But I have to add...
We don’t swear in our house. While I don’t expect everyone to do the same, I’d also prefer to not hear (or my kids hear) swear words on the playground, even if it’s used in the correct context. Not really necessary for that age group IMO.
Fast forward if my kid is in high school with his friends then I’m not really going to care so long as little kids aren’t around and he’s not attacking anyone (verbal or physical).
My kid casually used the f word last night. Not with proper context, and he got sent for a time out for that and being rude in general to DH. Afterwards when I pointed out that DH has been awful about censoring himself lately, he tried to argue with me and I had to mention that he had told our son that he's a "god damn good parent," just earlier that evening . To be fair, DS was telling him he was a bad dad because he left the fridge open.
Full disclosure, I did not finish reading all of this, but I must comment on the burgers.
First, thanks, because now I am dying for one, and in my skimming I also noticed fried pickles which will now haunt my dreams.
White Castle is SO not the east coast’s In n Out! If anything maybe like a semi old school novelty item, but I don’t know anybody that really thinks it’s that great - they definitely don’t do it for me. The closest to In N Out is Shake Shack, and I think its wayyyy better, but it’s too new and there aren’t enough of them outside of major areas to be as well known. I like In N Out, but it may be a little overrated.
To be clear, I don’t curse around my kid, and I don’t want him to learn that vocabulary, I just wanted to point out that curse words are not inherently disrespectful.
on another topic, I think it was in this thread someone mentioned a new season of Great British Baking Show. My DH lovingly makes fun of me for watching all of the baking shows, but this morning he came down and saw me watching it and said “Where the hell is the other judge! And the hosts! What is this bullshit?!” (Ok, so we haven’t fully eliminated cursing from our vocabulary) It was just really funny because he’s clearly more invested in my shows than he lets on!
@wearegroot that was me! I think in randoms. Anyway, I miss Mary Berry, and the host humor has definitely changed, but I still really appreciate that the hosts are there to lighten the mood instead of increase the stress as they do on other cooking shows.
For swearing, I generally just don’t (DH does). I’m that person some of your hate because I say things like fiddle sticks lol. But it’s not because of the kids I have always been that way. DD used shit a couple times when she was 3. I realize it was my MILs fault. She would refer to DD or DS as “a little shit” if they were being alittle naughty (for example if they wouldn’t sit still for a diaper change or wouldn’t share their snack). I was livid! I made DH talk to her and she actually stopped saying it. She usually ignores anything we tell he to do or not do.
@chelseay416 not even fried pickles. Although that does make me want some fried mushrooms lol
@blueberrymomma Yeah, calling a kid a “little shit” is definitely not ok!
Not exactly the same thing, but the other day my mom was over and DS was pushing a cooler around (because in a house full of toys and books, pushing a cooler around is the funnest activity to be had). He had been trying to climb the couch earlier so she said “If you were smart, you’d push it up against the couch so you could climb it.” I got so defensive. She says “if you were smart” all the time, even to herself, and doesn’t mean anything by it, but all of a sudden when it was directed at my kid I realized just how problematic that phrase is.
Re: UOs 9/13
Then again, my child is already such a realist little child that when I bought him a wand at a Harry Potter festival, he made me clarify that it would do *real* magic spells. Then I was stuck trying to decide if I should tell him the truth, or lie directly to his face to keep the magic alive. Sigh. He then tried to make spells happen and got sad when they didn't. >heart breaks just a little<
Re: Santa - we take DS to see Santa for pictures at the mall and he sees him in movies, but we've never said "Hey this plump old man is watching you so behave." I really don't know if he thinks Santa is a real person or more of a character, but we haven't really pushed SANTA on him.
I was raised Catholic and did the whole Santa thing, but have married a Jewish man and our kids were converted. It's hard living in a city with a small Jewish community and we're hounded by Santa (and Xmas trees, red and green, and Xmas parties) everywhere. Who ever thinks there is a "war on Christmas" is clearly stuck up their own ass. I appreciate how many parents are deciding not to tell their kids Santa is real. I remember being hurt that my parents would lie to me for years about it.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
That being said, I don’t curse a lot around my kids (really just exclamations) because in general those are situations where cursing is inappropriate. But growing up I got grounded for using the word “crap” or “hell” and I don’t want to raise my kids to be scared of words like I was.
We do plan on having a discussion with our kids when they start asking about the importance of maintaining the spirit of Christmas. There are example letters on Pinterest (and everywhere) and we really like that idea. But in person, not a letter.
If I hear a kid/toddler shouting “what the fuck” I’m definitely giving him a major side eye. Shit isn’t a terrible swear imo. Crap, hell, shit, are definitely not the same as fuck, twat, cunt, etc in my book. When I hear those words used in public I think low class (and my H does it sometime and I tell him he’s acting straight up gross and embarrassing”
Regardless, I saw “gosh darn it” a lot and people giggle, but my 3 year old said it the other day it I was relieved it was that rather than god damnit!
My friend teaches elemtary school art and the things her first thru third graders say make me want to throw up. don’t even get me started on the 6th grade class in an upper class neighborhood my bff works in. Kids think it’s ok to speak that way... but it’s not.
ETA: I will hope to have my kids say “oh man!” Rather than “oh shit”. If it comes down to being disrespectful towards
aomeone, I’d rather hear a kid say “you’re a poopy head” rather than “you’re a fucking idiot”.
@mels823 I think it's pretty normal for elementary school kids to "try out" saying shocking things. They are exploring language, learning about consequences, and figuring out what kinds of reactions they can get from adults. Definitely if they don't grow up in homes that teach them kindness and appropriate boundaries, things will be worse. But all kids will do and say inappropriate things just to find out what happens. If your friend is dealing with children who are consistently doing and saying vastly inappropriate things, then it probably isn't because their parents curse in front of them, and more likely that they have serious problems at home.
By middle school it won't matter if you've said bad words in front of your kids or not. By then they've heard every word in the book, and some made up ones besides. I spent my entire 8th grade year wondering what a "snow blow job" was. By then it matters a lot more that you've taught your kid to be respectful and kind, than it matters if your cursed in front of them. There's almost no way that a normal middle school kid won't be saying "oh shit," every once in awhile, if nothing else because their friends are doing it. Peer pressure is powerful.
I’m not disagreeing that there are certain words that have no place in my kid’s vocabulary, and there are words that have no place in school (I was a K-12 teacher for 8 years, I’ve heard it all). My kid will learn that certain words in certain situations are inappropriate because of how people perceive you or that they make people uncomfortable. But saying “what the fuck” to your teacher and saying “what the fuck” when you’re stuck on a video game level have very different connotations, and in our house one would get punished and one would get an offer for help.
But I have to add...
We don’t swear in our house. While I don’t expect everyone to do the same, I’d also prefer to not hear (or my kids hear) swear words on the playground, even if it’s used in the correct context. Not really necessary for that age group IMO.
Fast forward if my kid is in high school with his friends then I’m not really going to care so long as little kids aren’t around and he’s not attacking anyone (verbal or physical).
she doesn’t talk yet so hopefully we have some time?
Moral of the story: our child is a troll.
First, thanks, because now I am dying for one, and in my skimming I also noticed fried pickles which will now haunt my dreams.
White Castle is SO not the east coast’s In n Out! If anything maybe like a semi old school novelty item, but I don’t know anybody that really thinks it’s that great - they definitely don’t do it for me. The closest to In N Out is Shake Shack, and I think its wayyyy better, but it’s too new and there aren’t enough of them outside of major areas to be as well known. I like In N Out, but it may be a little overrated.
on another topic, I think it was in this thread someone mentioned a new season of Great British Baking Show. My DH lovingly makes fun of me for watching all of the baking shows, but this morning he came down and saw me watching it and said “Where the hell is the other judge! And the hosts! What is this bullshit?!” (Ok, so we haven’t fully eliminated cursing from our vocabulary) It was just really funny because he’s clearly more invested in my shows than he lets on!
other cooking shows: stop being mean!
@chelseay416 not even fried pickles. Although that does make me want some fried mushrooms lol
Not exactly the same thing, but the other day my mom was over and DS was pushing a cooler around (because in a house full of toys and books, pushing a cooler around is the funnest activity to be had). He had been trying to climb the couch earlier so she said “If you were smart, you’d push it up against the couch so you could climb it.” I got so defensive. She says “if you were smart” all the time, even to herself, and doesn’t mean anything by it, but all of a sudden when it was directed at my kid I realized just how problematic that phrase is.