Trying this again, hopefully this did not post 28 times.
@Jens_Hoes I always thought that was the norm too...buy a gift for the shower and then write a check to cover the cost of you and your plus one. It seems to be for the most part what people do around here. I’ve always envied men because they only have to put out money once!
PS the app is so crappy today! Sorry if I double posted!
@rosebud332 I have had an insane amount of problems with the bump all day! Even using the browser instead of the app! So frustrating. Hopefully this actually posts? (And just once!)
Agree with so many of these!!
Hard no to cash bars, cake smash in face or garter stuff. If you're going to do favors, either make them edible, drinkable or something genuinely great or skip them - literally no one will care! And oh my gosh PLEASE no on the slideshows or videos or dry weddings unless you are legit super religious.
My personal wedding UO's:
-I would do a fancy vow renewal every 5 years if it wouldn't be utterly ridiculous and expensive. Wedding dresses are so pretty and parties with all of your closest friends are so fun! -Related to that (maybe this is more of a FFFC?) I still browse BHLDN's wedding dresses probably once a month, lol. -There are too many pre wedding events. It is absolutely too much to have a bridal shower, engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette party and wedding. Like, pick one plus the wedding. Two, MAX. And gifts should not be expected at all of them!
@maureenmce I've never heard of BHLDN but I'm looking at their website now and they have such pretty stuff! I may have to buy a dress from there for my SIL's black-tie-optional wedding next year
My somewhat related UO: I want one of the fancy fondant cakes for the baby shower! They are way too expensive but they're pretty and delicious, so I am totally getting one.
This one might have been said, but my UO is we can do away with bridal parties. I’ve been a bridesmaid many times now and I don’t get the full experience when I only see the brides back and the grooms face. Plus I miss the part of the wedding where other bridesmaids walk out first. And the bride misses all of her maids walking and the flower girls. Why do that to yourself? I want to sit down and enjoy the wedding of people I care about- not stand up front and worry about my posture.
+1 to please offer me some alcohol at your wedding. Even having a cash bar is better than no alcohol on the premises.
@maureenmce OMG I love wedding dresses too. I wish I had a reason to wear mine again. I LOVE it. H wants to do a vow renewal when the kids are a little older in Turks and Caicos (that's where our marriage certificate is from as that's the port we were in when we got married). I'm like "can I get another dress?!"
@ab_canada I had fondant but I have to agree they make such pretty cakes. The cake I had for my wedding shower and baby shower were both those stupid fancy 3 tier fondant cakes. Was worth it just for the photos.
@kristah2 I specifically bought a wedding "outfit" (skirt and tank) that i could wear again! I love it. I try to wear one or the other on my anniversary every year. I had a casual wedding so the skirt is just ivory tulle from amazon and the shirt is a lace tank from anthropologie. Separate, they don't look wedding-y, but H and I know! Plus I wear my wedding shoes all the time, they're one of my favorite pairs!
I should expand on my fondant opinion. I like it best when the cake is first frosted in buttercream and then covered in fondant. Yum! I’m also very picky about my frosting and hate it when it’s too sweet (which is the majority of cake frosting). Fondant is just the perfect amount. And chewy!
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
After reading all of your unpopular opinions, here's mine: I love weddings. I love every part of them. I love the wedding showers. I love the favors. I love it all!
Oooooh, I have a good, unrelated to weddings, UO: I think the weird need to avoid painkillers during labor and insist on having a natural birth because you don't want to "miss out" on the experience is ridiculous. Give me all the drugs you think are necessary, and if labor is going to take too long, I am happy to have a c-section. Honestly, if it wasn't for the 6-week recovery and other possible complications, I would go for an elective c-section. But I figure I will let the chips fall where they may and just try to be happy with whatever ends up having to happen.
I agree I don’t really get the no medication thing. But I will say that since I will probably never go into labor because I’m sure I’ll have a repeat c-section this time, I feel a little left out of that experience. Like I know it’s sucks and is painful and I would probably want to die, but I still feel a little sad I’ll never have a real contraction and get that experience of giving birth.
@rosebud332 and @ab_canada I've been thinking a lot about it lately. I think women approach it the way some people approach mountain climbing or other extreme sports. Like, why would anyone want to put themselves through that kind of pain? I guess to say they did it? That said, I'm part of a Natural Childbirth group on FB that I hate-read because it's mostly full of antivaxxer crazies, and the McJudgy part of me always giggles when I see these women showing off their beautifully-created birth spaces. Like, oh honey. You enjoy those twinkle lights and affirmation cards while you're being hit with your umpteenth contraction and your husband is trying to force-feed you carbs to keep you going.
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@ab_canada@rosebud332@PensiveCrayon - the part of the unmedicated birth I'm curious about is the whole bit about being flooded with endorphin at the end and the recovery being much easier with that natural bounce back, where as that rush is not supposed to be there with epidural. I dont know if it's true. My mantra is "you dont get a medal for that." I'll do it if I'm ok with it but not for anyone else's approval.
@temmetime Oh man your example of a vegetarian wedding hit home lol... we went to a wedding where they ONLY served vegan food and it was so bad. So so bad. A group of us had to leave earlier than we wanted because we hardly ate and what we did eat couldn't sustain us from all the alcohol. We ended up going through a drive through right after lol.
@morgantu I LOVE that you are able to wear your wedding outfit again and as separates! That is so special and sweet, like just a little secret for you and your husband on special occasions.
@ab_canada I agree with your thoughts on unmedicated births. I know a lot of women do it for the "thrill" or to prove it to themselves, but I always feel like they wear the fact they did it unmedicated like badge of honor. I have friends who had unmedicated births and will tell me until they're blue in the face that it was for them and to prove to themselves that they could do it, but it still somehow feels like they're saying my experience wasn't as valid because I medicated. Maybe that's part insecurity for me because I couldn't go med free either of my deliveries (and I almost did with my first) because good god that shit hurts. Whatever, give me all the drugs.
@ab_canada My goal was to have an Unmedicated birth with DS because I wanted control over my body the whole time and the recovery is supposed to be easier. Plus, the idea of a needle in my spine terrified me. That being said, after 34 hours of labor and no food, 48 hours of no sleep, 5753 bathroom breaks with an IV pole, and pitocin kicked up to 16. I got an epidural and then ended up with a c-section. I felt like a failure for several months, especially when I would read or receive comments from the natural birth community. It still bothers me that I will never get the med free water birth that I dreamed of, but DS is healthy and I’ll take a healthy baby over a perfect birth any day.
Here are my thoughts on an unmedicated birth. I was lucky in that my body responded well to pitocin and I was in active labor one hour after they induced me. The pain quickly became so unbearable I couldn't walk, talk or frankly live. I took iv drugs shortly thereafter and once they started wearing off, the epidural. I pushed for maybe an hour and after skin to skin I was immediately up moving around and felt perfectly fine. My recovery was zero percent affected by the drugs. For those that feel that they missed out- please don't, the way the baby comes out has nothing to do with anything. I also think many women say they did med free as a "I'm better than you" which is annoying. Idgaf if you want to feel more pain than me but you are zero percent better because you didn't get an epidural. It's all a part of mommy wars (oh you buy store bought baby food, I make my own; oh I only buy organic clothes and food, etc.) good for you that you do all that but at the end of the day your one year old will still try to eat sand, dirt and dog food like mine does
My thoughts on med free are more similar to what @katy0990 said. I don’t like needles. Right now, I think I’d rather take the pain than a needle in my spine. That sounds way worse to me. When I’m in labor, I might not care so much. Who knows? Future me will find out when she gets there. I’m trying to keep an open mind because I know I get anxious in medical situations, and I don’t like not having control over my body (another reason to avoid the epidural). I’m seeing CNMs for my prenatal care, and I plan to give birth in a hospital. A little mix of western medicine and granola. I think I might look into the prices of doulas again.
@Jens_Hoes thanks for sharing your experience. It's good to hear voices from both sides but I think internet being internet, there are few loud voices that drown out a lot of reasonable voices and stories.
@Jens_Hoes I can't love what you said enough! Labor and delivery is just the beginning of the long road of parent shaming, judgement, comparison and competitiveness. Jk, the beginning is before you even get pregnant, but you know what I mean. I try to not set many specific goals for myself because I don't want to lose sight of what I really want: a baby that's alive and well! If I can do it unmedicated and my labor isn't 836292643 hours like it was for DS, great! If not, I'll get all the meds and take it all step by step. I too was up and walking around an hour after giving birth with an epidural and my recovery was great. My motto for parenting has become go with the flow and it starts very early.
The idea that women have an unmedicated birth because it's a "badge of honor" or "just to see if I can do it" is silly. I know a lot of women who haven't had epidurals, none of them for that reason. Some of them want a birth atmosphere (freestanding birth center or home) where epidurals aren't allowed. And some of them don't want it because there are actual known side effects and risks to an epidural. And if most women decide that the benefits (no pain*) outweigh the potential for negative side effects (spinal headaches, nausea, shivering, increased difficulty pushing, further interventions, etc.), that's their business. For me, I don't think the risks outweigh the benefits. I view an epidural as no different than any other medication - I won't take it unless absolutely necessary, and I believe the benefits outweigh the risks.
*probably no pain. 1-2% of women don't experience pain relief with an epidural. And 12% don't initially experience pain relief and have to have stuff readjusted or inserted, sometimes multiple times, before it takes.
@lovesclimbing I do know women who choose to not get the epidural and rub it in other women’s faces that they didn’t give birth “naturally” so saying it’s silly- is rude because you don’t know everyone I have had experiences with. If you or anyone wants to go med free, whatever, but it literally matters zero percent, which is what I’m getting to. And it’s not really cool to shame those who choose interventions such as an epidural, because let’s be real, that’s what your post was. In my last BmB there were plenty of women who got an epidural and had zero side effects. We have far too many FTM on this bmb who don’t need to be scared into making a decision because they get scared by side effects that are infrequent.
And if we’re talking about making choices that lead to further interventions, had I not gotten the epidural I’d be too exhausted from 8 hours of constant contractions to push, and I would have likely needed a c-section.
And some of them don't want it because there are actual known side effects and risks to an epidural. And if most women decide that the benefits (no pain*) outweigh the potential for negative side effects (spinal headaches, nausea, shivering, increased difficulty pushing, further interventions, etc.), that's their business.
There are plenty of known side effects and risks to "natural" birth too. All birth is incredibly risky and can have pretty terrible side effects no matter how much or how little medical assistance you have (remember how many women and babies used to literally die in childbirth before modern medicine?). Saying otherwise is ignorant and dangerous and can brainwash women into refusing necessary medical intervention, thus endangering themselves and their babies. Women can tell themselves all they want that one choice has more benefits and the other has more risks, but that's bogus. It all comes down to which risks and unpleasantries you'd rather deal with, not which has more "benefits." The only true benefit to birth seems to be that you (hopefully) get your baby at the end.
@lovesclimbing I do know women who choose to not get the epidural and rub it in other women’s faces that they didn’t give birth “naturally” so saying it’s silly- is rude because you don’t know everyone I have had experiences with. If you or anyone wants to go med free, whatever, but it literally matters zero percent, which is what I’m getting to. And it’s not really cool to shame those who choose interventions such as an epidural, because let’s be real, that’s what your post was. In my last BmB there were plenty of women who got an epidural and had zero side effects. We have far too many FTM on this bmb who don’t need to be scared into making a decision because they get scared by side effects that are infrequent.
And if we’re talking about making choices that lead to further interventions, had I not gotten the epidural I’d be too exhausted from 8 hours of constant contractions to push, and I would have likely needed a c-section.
*eyeroll* No it wasn't.
Everyone in this thread so far who has talked about med-free births in this thread has almost exclusively slammed women who have them for only doing it as "badge of honor." I'm simply pointing out that's not the only reason. So yea, I think calling that the only reason women do it is silly, and I won't take that back.
I said the "potential for negative side effects." Of course, I know not everyone has those side effects. I also choose not to use hormonal birth control. Yes, I know some people use it just fine and have no side effects. But there are also women who experience side effects, and for me, the benefits don't outweigh the potential risks when there are other options that don't have those risks available.
And I fail to see how laying out actual facts is "scaring" FTMs. Any woman who is giving birth should have the facts of any intervention laid out to her before she has it so she can make an informed decision, period.
As far as women like you, yes, there are women who get the epidural so they can relax for a bit and then have more energy to push. If I were in that situation, that would be a point at which I would decide the benefits of the epidural outweighs the risks.
And I fail to see how laying out actual facts is "scaring" FTMs. Any woman who is giving birth should have the facts of any intervention laid out to her before she has it so she can make an informed decision, period.
Please don't confuse "laying out actual facts" with cherry-picking statistics to support your opinion.
@lovesclimbing I do know women who choose to not get the epidural and rub it in other women’s faces that they didn’t give birth “naturally” so saying it’s silly- is rude because you don’t know everyone I have had experiences with. If you or anyone wants to go med free, whatever, but it literally matters zero percent, which is what I’m getting to. And it’s not really cool to shame those who choose interventions such as an epidural, because let’s be real, that’s what your post was. In my last BmB there were plenty of women who got an epidural and had zero side effects. We have far too many FTM on this bmb who don’t need to be scared into making a decision because they get scared by side effects that are infrequent.
And if we’re talking about making choices that lead to further interventions, had I not gotten the epidural I’d be too exhausted from 8 hours of constant contractions to push, and I would have likely needed a c-section.
*eyeroll* No it wasn't.
Everyone in this thread so far who has talked about med-free births in this thread has almost exclusively slammed women who have them for only doing it as "badge of honor." I'm simply pointing out that's not the only reason. So yea, I think calling that the only reason women do it is silly, and I won't take that back.
I said the "potential for negative side effects." Of course, I know not everyone has those side effects. I also choose not to use hormonal birth control. Yes, I know some people use it just fine and have no side effects. But there are also women who experience side effects, and for me, the benefits don't outweigh the potential risks when there are other options that don't have those risks available.
And I fail to see how laying out actual facts is "scaring" FTMs. Any woman who is giving birth should have the facts of any intervention laid out to her before she has it so she can make an informed decision, period.
As far as women like you, yes, there are women who get the epidural so they can relax for a bit and then have more energy to push. If I were in that situation, that would be a point at which I would decide the benefits of the epidural outweighs the risks.
Well regardless of how you meant it- you can eyeroll all you want, that’s how it read. We get along pretty well here, and support one another. We even had a home birth/low interventions thread going for sometime. Idk where it went because I want the drugs. But I support all of the women of this BMB regardless of how they choose to give birth. Because again my point (for the third time) is IT DOESNT MATTER. Just like how I support my SIL who was too late for an epidural last time and will try for a second time without it, and my other SIL for getting her scheduled repeat c-sections.
@lovesclimbing just to split hairs here. I didn’t say most women who get it do so because they love to brag about it. I said most women who TALK about it love to brag about it. Because that is my experience
Well regardless of how you meant it- you can eyeroll all you want, that’s how it read. [...] But I support all of the women of this BMB regardless of how they choose to give birth. Because again my point (for the third time) is IT DOESNT MATTER. Just like how I support my SIL who was too late for an epidural last time and will try for a second time without it, and my other SIL for getting her scheduled repeat c-sections.
Yup. There's nothing wrong with having an unmedicated birth purely for the challenge! Plenty of people do risky and difficult things just to see if they can. No one shamed anyone for choosing the unmedicated route for that or any other reason. The issue is when the pro-"natural" birth crowd uses their choices as ammo to make women who, whether they elected to or had to, had medical interventions, which is definitely the vibe that our little lurker is giving off (the fact that she even bothered to insert herself into our thread hints that she feels her choices are superior).
@lovesclimbing I understand you are a lurker, so you may not be familiar with the supportive nature of the December 2018 board. We all understand that we are here to support one another and to my knowledge, no one has had anything negative to say about the way that anyone else has chosen or attempted to choose their birth experience. I respect moms who have uncomplicated med free vaginal deliveries regardless of what led them to go that route. I also respect the moms who choose an epidural and those who either by choice or by circumstance end up with C-sections. While I appreciate the information that you shared and your perspective, I do not think your assumption that no one has a med free labor just to say they did is accurate. It happens. There is nothing wrong with that. The only type of mom who will be slammed on this board is one who does not take proper care of their child, regardless of how they delivered him or her.
@katy0990 agreed 100%. But please can we also save just a teeny bit of judgment for those who aren’t tolerant and supportive of others’ experiences and choices?
@hkom@katy0990@Katzalia@temmetime@Jens_Hoes I love you all so much. THIS is why I need this board. All the support and love regardless of choices we make as long as we do right by our babies. I am going to TRY to go med free, but I am not great with pain so I am definitely open to the epidural if I change my mind and decide I need it. And if things get complicated, I know c- section is always a possibility and my baby will still be my baby no matter how she comes into this world. I am open to any and all medical interventions should they be necessary. I have an idea in my head of how I want it to go, but I understand the need for flexibility and I know that the more rigid I am the less pleasant my experience will be.
But this IS an unpopular opinion board and lurker was throwing in her opinion I agree not ALL women who go med free do so for bragging rights. But some do feel they have one up on those who don't, and they are the ones who tend to talk most openly about their birth experiences. But that's just what I've noticed.
But this IS an unpopular opinion board and lurker was throwing in her opinion
That's true. But what bothered me is that she's not a December lurker - she's from March '19. I would never intrude in another BMB just to tell someone that they are wrong, unless it was really awful (like that post in April (i think?) where a woman had some sort of really awful experience wkth her last pregnancy and made a one-off post about it and they were suuuuper rude to her about it without offering any sympathy whatsoever - lots of leople from other BMBs intervened on her behalf). That combined with her tone seemed like she only chimed in here to add contention, which ain't cool.
@hkom I'm with you, I think it was unnecessary. Just playing devil's advocate. I love that our board is drama and judgement free, and I want it to stay that way! And I saw that post you're talking about. It was terrible the way she was treated initially, but it was so reassuring seeing so many women come to support her! People can be awful, but also wonderful.
Y’all, the lurker is just exactly the type of person mentioned in the initial comment about natural birth, and couldn’t handle the shade. And of course those people, per the original comment, need to talk about it constantly and how it was absolutely the best way to do it and how any other way is just less than. The irony here is too much. By jumping in at all, she’s proved why it’s so damn annoying.
(—Said the person with two natural births under her belt. But forreal I just can’t handle a needle in my spine. Major props to anyone who’s brave enough for that ish. I’m legit terrified to go through this whole thing again, and will absolutely consider an epi if I can get over my fear of the needle).
These are all hilarious and u guys got me going. Ok so... Has anyone ever had a good wedding cake? Lmao I feel like mine was ok and I had one tiny bite and after all that damn cake tasting and wasting. Lawwddd...I haven't been to one wedding where I'm like this is delicious. Nope. Also the whole wedding planning was a fiasco for me and I dread stuff like that. I realized during my wedding planning phase that I like to rely on me Nd I really have trust issues relying on others cuz let's face it...its not their wedding and they will never put that much effort into helping as they would if it was their wedding. I guess I'm a little jaded. I got burned during my wedding. My best friend turned out to be crushing on me all these years! (Yes, a TV show drama, cue music). She literally stalled and sabotaged many of the things I asked her to help me with, until I realized the truth and she came out and told me she loves me and started crying. I'm thinking, ok Heffa, I love u too now come on let's get me married...nope...tried to kiss me on the lippppsss!! Now some might wonder, as I did, how could I have NOT seen this coming!?? Well, I have no clue. U know how girls are close, go out dancing, she's my dance partner and she'll slap my bootay here and there. ..nothing abnormal...right. WRoNG!!! Anyways. Weddings makes you realize who you're real friends are . LESSONs!!!
Ahem ...so I read all the wedding UO and then got carried away and wanted to tell my story then I went back to finish this thread and whoooa....that escalated quickly guys. I think I get what the lurker was saying tho, she was trying to side for those that dont use epidural and it's not because they want bragging rights. Her arguement was a little skewed though in the examples she provided. *off with her head!!!*** hehehe just kidding. Mob mentality happens quick;)
Re: UO Thursday 8/30
@Jens_Hoes I always thought that was the norm too...buy a gift for the shower and then write a check to cover the cost of you and your plus one. It seems to be for the most part what people do around here. I’ve always envied men because they only have to put out money once!
PS the app is so crappy today! Sorry if I double posted!
Agree with so many of these!!
Hard no to cash bars, cake smash in face or garter stuff.
If you're going to do favors, either make them edible, drinkable or something genuinely great or skip them - literally no one will care!
And oh my gosh PLEASE no on the slideshows or videos or dry weddings unless you are legit super religious.
My personal wedding UO's:
-I would do a fancy vow renewal every 5 years if it wouldn't be utterly ridiculous and expensive. Wedding dresses are so pretty and parties with all of your closest friends are so fun!
-Related to that (maybe this is more of a FFFC?) I still browse BHLDN's wedding dresses probably once a month, lol.
-There are too many pre wedding events. It is absolutely too much to have a bridal shower, engagement party, bachelor/bachelorette party and wedding. Like, pick one plus the wedding. Two, MAX. And gifts should not be expected at all of them!
+1 to please offer me some alcohol at your wedding. Even having a cash bar is better than no alcohol on the premises.
H wants to do a vow renewal when the kids are a little older in Turks and Caicos (that's where our marriage certificate is from as that's the port we were in when we got married). I'm like "can I get another dress?!"
@ab_canada I had fondant but I have to agree they make such pretty cakes. The cake I had for my wedding shower and baby shower were both those stupid fancy 3 tier fondant cakes. Was worth it just for the photos.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@morgantu I LOVE that you are able to wear your wedding outfit again and as separates! That is so special and sweet, like just a little secret for you and your husband on special occasions.
@ab_canada I agree with your thoughts on unmedicated births. I know a lot of women do it for the "thrill" or to prove it to themselves, but I always feel like they wear the fact they did it unmedicated like badge of honor. I have friends who had unmedicated births and will tell me until they're blue in the face that it was for them and to prove to themselves that they could do it, but it still somehow feels like they're saying my experience wasn't as valid because I medicated. Maybe that's part insecurity for me because I couldn't go med free either of my deliveries (and I almost did with my first) because good god that shit hurts. Whatever, give me all the drugs.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
I was lucky in that my body responded well to pitocin and I was in active labor one hour after they induced me. The pain quickly became so unbearable I couldn't walk, talk or frankly live. I took iv drugs shortly thereafter and once they started wearing off, the epidural. I pushed for maybe an hour and after skin to skin I was immediately up moving around and felt perfectly fine. My recovery was zero percent affected by the drugs.
For those that feel that they missed out- please don't, the way the baby comes out has nothing to do with anything.
I also think many women say they did med free as a "I'm better than you" which is annoying. Idgaf if you want to feel more pain than me but you are zero percent better because you didn't get an epidural. It's all a part of mommy wars (oh you buy store bought baby food, I make my own; oh I only buy organic clothes and food, etc.) good for you that you do all that but at the end of the day your one year old will still try to eat sand, dirt and dog food like mine does
I’m trying to keep an open mind because I know I get anxious in medical situations, and I don’t like not having control over my body (another reason to avoid the epidural). I’m seeing CNMs for my prenatal care, and I plan to give birth in a hospital. A little mix of western medicine and granola.
I think I might look into the prices of doulas again.
I try to not set many specific goals for myself because I don't want to lose sight of what I really want: a baby that's alive and well! If I can do it unmedicated and my labor isn't 836292643 hours like it was for DS, great! If not, I'll get all the meds and take it all step by step. I too was up and walking around an hour after giving birth with an epidural and my recovery was great. My motto for parenting has become go with the flow and it starts very early.
DS: 12/20/16
EDD: 11/29/18
The idea that women have an unmedicated birth because it's a "badge of honor" or "just to see if I can do it" is silly. I know a lot of women who haven't had epidurals, none of them for that reason. Some of them want a birth atmosphere (freestanding birth center or home) where epidurals aren't allowed. And some of them don't want it because there are actual known side effects and risks to an epidural. And if most women decide that the benefits (no pain*) outweigh the potential for negative side effects (spinal headaches, nausea, shivering, increased difficulty pushing, further interventions, etc.), that's their business. For me, I don't think the risks outweigh the benefits. I view an epidural as no different than any other medication - I won't take it unless absolutely necessary, and I believe the benefits outweigh the risks.
*probably no pain. 1-2% of women don't experience pain relief with an epidural. And 12% don't initially experience pain relief and have to have stuff readjusted or inserted, sometimes multiple times, before it takes.
If you or anyone wants to go med free, whatever, but it literally matters zero percent, which is what I’m getting to. And it’s not really cool to shame those who choose interventions such as an epidural, because let’s be real, that’s what your post was. In my last BmB there were plenty of women who got an epidural and had zero side effects.
We have far too many FTM on this bmb who don’t need to be scared into making a decision because they get scared by side effects that are infrequent.
And if we’re talking about making choices that lead to further interventions, had I not gotten the epidural I’d be too exhausted from 8 hours of constant contractions to push, and I would have likely needed a c-section.
Everyone in this thread so far who has talked about med-free births in this thread has almost exclusively slammed women who have them for only doing it as "badge of honor." I'm simply pointing out that's not the only reason. So yea, I think calling that the only reason women do it is silly, and I won't take that back.
I said the "potential for negative side effects." Of course, I know not everyone has those side effects. I also choose not to use hormonal birth control. Yes, I know some people use it just fine and have no side effects. But there are also women who experience side effects, and for me, the benefits don't outweigh the potential risks when there are other options that don't have those risks available.
And I fail to see how laying out actual facts is "scaring" FTMs. Any woman who is giving birth should have the facts of any intervention laid out to her before she has it so she can make an informed decision, period.
As far as women like you, yes, there are women who get the epidural so they can relax for a bit and then have more energy to push. If I were in that situation, that would be a point at which I would decide the benefits of the epidural outweighs the risks.
We get along pretty well here, and support one another.
We even had a home birth/low interventions thread going for sometime. Idk where it went because I want the drugs. But I support all of the women of this BMB regardless of how they choose to give birth. Because again my point (for the third time) is IT DOESNT MATTER. Just like how I support my SIL who was too late for an epidural last time and will try for a second time without it, and my other SIL for getting her scheduled repeat c-sections.
The only type of mom who will be slammed on this board is one who does not take proper care of their child, regardless of how they delivered him or her.
But this IS an unpopular opinion board and lurker was throwing in her opinion
(—Said the person with two natural births under her belt. But forreal I just can’t handle a needle in my spine. Major props to anyone who’s brave enough for that ish. I’m legit terrified to go through this whole thing again, and will absolutely consider an epi if I can get over my fear of the needle).
Ok so...
Has anyone ever had a good wedding cake? Lmao I feel like mine was ok and I had one tiny bite and after all that damn cake tasting and wasting. Lawwddd...I haven't been to one wedding where I'm like this is delicious. Nope.
Also the whole wedding planning was a fiasco for me and I dread stuff like that. I realized during my wedding planning phase that I like to rely on me Nd I really have trust issues relying on others cuz let's face it...its not their wedding and they will never put that much effort into helping as they would if it was their wedding.
I guess I'm a little jaded. I got burned during my wedding. My best friend turned out to be crushing on me all these years! (Yes, a TV show drama, cue music). She literally stalled and sabotaged many of the things I asked her to help me with, until I realized the truth and she came out and told me she loves me and started crying. I'm thinking, ok Heffa, I love u too now come on let's get me married...nope...tried to kiss me on the lippppsss!!
Now some might wonder, as I did, how could I have NOT seen this coming!?? Well, I have no clue. U know how girls are close, go out dancing, she's my dance partner and she'll slap my bootay here and there. ..nothing abnormal...right. WRoNG!!!
Anyways. Weddings makes you realize who you're real friends are . LESSONs!!!
I think I get what the lurker was saying tho, she was trying to side for those that dont use epidural and it's not because they want bragging rights. Her arguement was a little skewed though in the examples she provided. *off with her head!!!*** hehehe just kidding. Mob mentality happens quick;)