@tosh24 holy cow, I am so sorry you had to deal with that - especially from family who should be the most supportive. Fully support your distance here also.
@tosh24 I totally get wanting to keep your pregnancy to yourself! I have a weird relationship with my mom and dad as well, and my sister is not supportive of that (and is a real B in general, ha). Unfortunately I can relate. We got into a fight (mom, then sister) the other day because I was firm about no one being called to the hospital until AFTER delivery -- I don't want people barging in when I'm trying to bond with baby and recover after birth. They said I was "selfish" and "it's their baby too". Umm, no, and also, it'll still be a baby if I wait a few hours to call you. You ain't missing anything. I'm glad that your therapist encouraged some space for you -- therapists over the years (including my poor DH's therapists) have suggested I cut off all contact... but it's your only family, etc. We are lucky that we can make a family of our own choosing, too Friends, other people's families, etc.
@julesf817@sweetyjenj there's no way that Tyler and Hayley make it to F2 together. Tyler grew on me -- at least he's smart and plays the game. I think it'll be him and Sam. She just cracks me up, so quirky. If you ever watch the live feeds, she also is friends with everyone in the house and is basically the "mom" and cleans up everything all of the time! Hilarious. I can't imagine if she made it to F2 that she wouldn't win, even though she's played a weak game so far.
We had a huge falling out with my husband's actual mother when my son was born so she had only seen him once, when he was 2 days old, for a total of 10 mins. He's 5 1/2 yrs now and she saw him in July because my brother-in-law got married. Both DH and DS were in the wedding so we couldn't avoid it but I was hoping she wouldn't find out I was pregnant. Unfortunately b/c this is #2 there was no hiding it and all of DH's family knows so they were commenting on different things about the baby all day/night. She never bothered to say anything at all to either myself or DH or even try or ask to speak to my son so lord knows what the woman is thinking about this pregnancy. All I know is I have no intention of telling her when he's born so I might just keep things underwrap for a few days afterwards minus our immediate families.
@tosh24 and everyone else dealing with family struggles I'm sorry to hear that. As someone who is the child of a woman with a very difficult relationship with her mother, I think you should absolutely keep your distance and do whatever you need to protect yourself. My mom let her mother in again for support when me and my sister were born and she ended up screaming at us over nothing (not sure if she beat us or not) and my mom had to cut her off all over again. All I remember is that she screamed at me for falling asleep in the movie Bambi like I had committed murder. The worst was how emotionally abusive she was. As a child, teen, and adult I always respected my mom's strength for distancing us and protecting us all and for anyone who says but I missed out on a grandparent, that's the way it goes sometimes. There's a reason three out of four of her kids didn't go to her funeral.
Stay strong and only you can know what is right for you and your immediate family
@wkuandrea I don't think Sam will make it past the next few weeks. And Ty would be stupid to take her to F2. I think taking Angela would be an easy win for him if he makes it. I would like hayleigh out within the next few weeks. ETA: and I love the live feeds! I don't get to watch them as much as I used to (I started watching them at season 14) but it's great entertainment and adds so much to the game.
For all you talking about difficult families, sorry to hear it's been tough! I'm sorry you have to deal with rough families, but I'm glad many of you are self-advocating, even when it's tough. I'm grateful my mom and siblings and I are really close, but my step-dad is a total douche. My dad died when I was 12, so when my mom got remarried it was already rough, but then he comes in all "Your dad is dead, I'm your dad now" attitude. He has his great moments, and I'm glad we're fairly cordial right now, but he made my teenage and early adult years really tough, and I think he has a lot to do with a lot of my own shit right now. I've learned to take the good with the bad, so if dealing with my step-dad is needed to continue having a good relationship with everyone else in my family, I just have to take it. I'm not a fan of when he interacts with DD, though. Not because he's bad with her, but just because I don't like him.
Anyone else remember when opening this app would trigger the MS like nobody's business? I swear they chose this color scheme to make women toss their cookies.
@molosmiles me, too! I only have 1 girl, but I'm still nervous to have a boy, and it seems silly to me to be nervous. But like you said, different anatomy and personality and quirks. I know even another girl would have another personality and quirks, but now it's a boy.
So I'm a little disappointed I found out the sex via the NIPT Blood test. I took an Uber to my A/S this morning (where I would have found out I was having a boy had I not already known) and my Uber driver's name was WEINER. So prophetic!!!
@kaf1788 yes to those awkward puberty years!! BUT..having 1 girl already, if we had 2 girls I can only imagine how horrible those teenage years would be due to periods and PMS. Hormones are so crazy at that time, and teenage girls can be like a rollar coaster. I'm glad to have one of each to hopefully balance out the crazy that the puberty stage will inevitably bring lol
It’s finally cooling down here. It’s still hot (low to mid 90’s) but the mornings and evenings are wonderful. I think we’re over the hottest part of the summer in that it won’t be 100 degrees every day. Yay!
+1 to being a nervous boy mom. I have no idea what i'm getting myself into. But I keep thinking about our AS and he had his little hand in his mouth and i just want him to get here so I can love on him
To all the future boy moms out there, it's an AMAZING experience but be forewarned of the following:
Awkwardness comes waaaaaay before puberty and the teenage years. My 5 yr old started asking questions at 3 regarding how his penis worked and why girls don't have penises and how babies are made and where they come from. My husband sucks at answering this stuff and so I get stuck doing it. He also has been obsessed with getting married since he was 4 and has a meltdown about once a month about which of his best friends he will marry (the poor kid has 3 best friends and they are all girls!).
Also - penises - PLEASE remember to point them down. My mother raised 2 boys and swears that she never had to put their penises down when she changed their diaper so for about 8 mos, everytime DS was at my parents house, he went through SEVERAL outfits because every time he peed, it went out the top of the diaper and all over his clothes. Apparently it's not an issue for everyone but my child was a little "blessed" in that area
And no matter how many times you tell them not to do it, they will burp, fart and be disgusting in public. Boogers are funny, farts are funnier and the louder the better. I seriously feel like I'm raising a frat boy some days.
But just remember, they LOVE their mommas and you will get the sweetest compliments from them when you need them the most. Nothing is better than being told how pretty you are or how great you are by your little boy (esp when your husband isn't the worlds greatest compliment giver!)
@molosmiles, same with having 2 girls and being nervous about a boy! I feel like this pregnancy has been super different too and not in an easy way.
@bradleysmommy28, these are great tips and I am glad you wrote this. I asked DH about the penis thing and he totally didn't know. He said it is probably so small that it doesn't matter where it points.
@jackiemxoxo I feel like it's an unwritten rule that you'll figure out pretty quick but isn't told to moms enough! Also, I remember being so scared when he was circumcised. I was afraid that I was going to hurt him but you have to make sure you're cleaning everything super good so it doesn't get infected. And I never even thought about the whole circumcision thing. Like I had a minor panic attack when they were like okay so if you're having him circumcised fill this out so we can schedule it. I was like whoa, he needs "surgery" already!
Thank you everyone for letting me know I'm not alone.
@bradleysmommy28 thank you! Those were some of the things I was wondering and not sure about. The circumcision thing already makes me so anxious.
@sweetyjenj Luckily my girls are 8 years apart so I won't have 2 teenage girls at once but girls get sassy so young! It will feel like it. Lord help me.
I second everything @bradleysmommy28 said. And remember that one day you might be a mother in law, so take notes now how your MIL treats you and learn from it, regardless if it's negative or positive. My MIL and I are like oil and water sometimes but I always try to keep in mind that we both love the same man, obviously differently, but now as a wife I am leading woman in his life. That has to be a hard pill to swallow for a mom.
One thing my mom said to me that stands out: A son is a son until he takes a wife, but you have daughter for life. I know one day I won't be the leading lady in his life, so I just bask in all the kisses, love and attention he gives me now.
@bradleysmommy28 I am so scared about the circumcision part but I am glad you mentioned to keep it really clean.
I remember when I was pregnant with DD1 and didn't know if she was a boy or girl and thinking about the circumcision and hurting and I was glad to be having a girl. Little did I know she would have a severe tongue tie anyway and would be writing in pain from getting that clipped. I can't handle when babies cry from pain, I turn into water works with them.
@tosh24 I am just catching up but wanted to let you know how sorry I am about how your family has treated you. I completely understand you not wanting to tell them.
I have cut off ties w my MIL bc she’s just a very manipulative and toxic person. When we announced we were pregnant, she was so upset and DH realized just how messed up she was (but of course would never admit her faults). DD is two years old and MIL has never seen her in person. It’s also been that long or a bit more since direct contact. I’m sure she gets updates from DH’s sisters/dad from time to time but I could care less if I never saw her again.
Also want to add that I am super nervous being a boy mom but I’m learning to embrace the unknowns. Yes, it won’t be the same as raising DD but that’s also part of the fun. I will remember to point his penis down - lol omfg this is going to be a wild adventure.
Lastly, I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I want to catch up on some of our threads! It’s been a busy week.
@luckymay2x I had a similar experience! Most of my younger diaper changing days were with baby boys, so when DD came around I was like, "weird, a tiny vagina" lol and I was slightly annoyed that I had to worry about cleaning out the poop from the vag. Now I'm all nervous about having to clean a tiny penis and somehow keep from being peed on, and now trying to always remember to keep the penis pointed down in the diaper. But, anatomy and gross boy humor aside, I'm excited for all the other boy things
To second what @bradleysmommy28 being a boy mom is amazing. Granted I can't compare it to a being a girl mom but the bond we have is so amazing. I also love dressing him in cute outfits and especially love all the hats in the fall/winter. I saw a Facebook video about being a boy mom the other day and I found it too funny. I found it on YouTube so here is the link for all you current and soon to be boy moms!
I just wanted to throw out there for FTM's that being a girl mom is pretty awesome. The clothes are adorable. I love rewatching all the disney princess movies. And you will soon know all the words to Frozen. Make sure you teach your male SO's how to properly clean a vagina because I cringed watching DH change one the first time. I feel like I have 2 little shopping buddies that love everything sparkly, shiny, and girly. Girls are gross too though and love to fart and burp.
I always thought I’d be a girl mom but it’s not to be, but I love being a boy mom.
As for everyone worried about circumsizing, it’s also always an option not to do it. We’d already decided against before he was here, but I remember thinking that if we hadn’t there was no way I could have let them take him off to do some procedure on him when he was so tiny and perfect. We’ve never had any issues or concerns having not done it and won’t be doing it for number 2 either.
It’s finally cooling down here. It’s still hot (low to mid 90’s) but the mornings and evenings are wonderful. I think we’re over the hottest part of the summer in that it won’t be 100 degrees every day. Yay!
Same! I’ve actually been able to get out for early morning and late evening walks. Our lows have been in the 60s so I’m starting to feel that glimpse of fall (and I am fall obsessed so this makes me so happy).
Also I love DD with all of my heart. And I’m starting to get sad that I go back to work next week and she’ll be starting daycare for the first time. BUT if I have to read ‘Duck and goose, goose needs a hug’ one more time today I think I’ll probably lose my mind. Wish me luck because it’s only 9:30am.
Me: 28 DH: 26 Married: November 2015 TTC#1: January 2016 BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16 BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17 DD Born 06/23/17 TFAS: April 2018 BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19
I looked at DH this weekend and was like, what are we going to do with a boy? We both have just gotten used to being parents to a little girl that it seems foreign to me. Even though, in some ways I hope I can be fair and similar as a parent to both kids, I know that problems are going to arise for each one in different ways and you have to handle those differently. And also, even if we had two girls, other than anatomy, there's nothing to say that they wouldn't be very different anyways.
Being a girl mom has made me a different person than I ever expected. My mom and I haven't always had a great relationship so I was nervous about having a girl and not being close to her and how that dynamic might be. But as soon as she was born, it felt right and I knew it'd all be okay.
I'm excited to see who I become now as a mom of both and can only hope I love baby boy as much as I do DD (which I know Iwill but it seems impossible)
Re: Weekly randoms 8/20
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19
@julesf817 @sweetyjenj there's no way that Tyler and Hayley make it to F2 together. Tyler grew on me -- at least he's smart and plays the game. I think it'll be him and Sam. She just cracks me up, so quirky. If you ever watch the live feeds, she also is friends with everyone in the house and is basically the "mom" and cleans up everything all of the time! Hilarious. I can't imagine if she made it to F2 that she wouldn't win, even though she's played a weak game so far.
Andrea -- FTM at 39!
Good luck @tosh24
We had a huge falling out with my husband's actual mother when my son was born so she had only seen him once, when he was 2 days old, for a total of 10 mins. He's 5 1/2 yrs now and she saw him in July because my brother-in-law got married. Both DH and DS were in the wedding so we couldn't avoid it but I was hoping she wouldn't find out I was pregnant. Unfortunately b/c this is #2 there was no hiding it and all of DH's family knows so they were commenting on different things about the baby all day/night. She never bothered to say anything at all to either myself or DH or even try or ask to speak to my son so lord knows what the woman is thinking about this pregnancy. All I know is I have no intention of telling her when he's born so I might just keep things underwrap for a few days afterwards minus our immediate families.
Stay strong and only you can know what is right for you and your immediate family
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
I swear they chose this color scheme to make women toss their cookies.
Married: October 2014
Began TTC: April 2015
BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17
BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19.
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
To all the future boy moms out there, it's an AMAZING experience but be forewarned of the following:
Awkwardness comes waaaaaay before puberty and the teenage years. My 5 yr old started asking questions at 3 regarding how his penis worked and why girls don't have penises and how babies are made and where they come from. My husband sucks at answering this stuff and so I get stuck doing it. He also has been obsessed with getting married since he was 4 and has a meltdown about once a month about which of his best friends he will marry (the poor kid has 3 best friends and they are all girls!).
Also - penises - PLEASE remember to point them down. My mother raised 2 boys and swears that she never had to put their penises down when she changed their diaper so for about 8 mos, everytime DS was at my parents house, he went through SEVERAL outfits because every time he peed, it went out the top of the diaper and all over his clothes. Apparently it's not an issue for everyone but my child was a little "blessed" in that area
And no matter how many times you tell them not to do it, they will burp, fart and be disgusting in public. Boogers are funny, farts are funnier and the louder the better. I seriously feel like I'm raising a frat boy some days.
But just remember, they LOVE their mommas and you will get the sweetest compliments from them when you need them the most. Nothing is better than being told how pretty you are or how great you are by your little boy (esp when your husband isn't the worlds greatest compliment giver!)
@bradleysmommy28, these are great tips and I am glad you wrote this. I asked DH about the penis thing and he totally didn't know. He said it is probably so small that it doesn't matter where it points.
@bradleysmommy28 thank you! Those were some of the things I was wondering and not sure about. The circumcision thing already makes me so anxious.
@sweetyjenj Luckily my girls are 8 years apart so I won't have 2 teenage girls at once but girls get sassy so young! It will feel like it. Lord help me.
Funny thing, before DD I had only ever changed boy babies' diapers. My first thought changing DD was "weird. No penis"
Now I'm going to be like "wait, this is all different. Where's the vulva?
One thing my mom said to me that stands out: A son is a son until he takes a wife, but you have daughter for life. I know one day I won't be the leading lady in his life, so I just bask in all the kisses, love and attention he gives me now.
I remember when I was pregnant with DD1 and didn't know if she was a boy or girl and thinking about the circumcision and hurting and I was glad to be having a girl. Little did I know she would have a severe tongue tie anyway and would be writing in pain from getting that clipped. I can't handle when babies cry from pain, I turn into water works with them.
I have cut off ties w my MIL bc she’s just a very manipulative and toxic person. When we announced we were pregnant, she was so upset and DH realized just how messed up she was (but of course would never admit her faults). DD is two years old and MIL has never seen her in person. It’s also been that long or a bit more since direct contact. I’m sure she gets updates from DH’s sisters/dad from time to time but I could care less if I never saw her again.
Also want to add that I am super nervous being a boy mom but I’m learning to embrace the unknowns. Yes, it won’t be the same as raising DD but that’s also part of the fun. I will remember to point his penis down - lol omfg this is going to be a wild adventure.
Lastly, I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I want to catch up on some of our threads! It’s been a busy week.
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
As for everyone worried about circumsizing, it’s also always an option not to do it. We’d already decided against before he was here, but I remember thinking that if we hadn’t there was no way I could have let them take him off to do some procedure on him when he was so tiny and perfect. We’ve never had any issues or concerns having not done it and won’t be doing it for number 2 either.
Also I love DD with all of my heart. And I’m starting to get sad that I go back to work next week and she’ll be starting daycare for the first
time. BUT if I have to read ‘Duck and goose, goose needs a hug’ one more time today I think I’ll probably lose my mind. Wish me luck because it’s only 9:30am.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
DD Born 06/23/17
TFAS: April 2018
BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19
Being a girl mom has made me a different person than I ever expected. My mom and I haven't always had a great relationship so I was nervous about having a girl and not being close to her and how that dynamic might be. But as soon as she was born, it felt right and I knew it'd all be okay.
I'm excited to see who I become now as a mom of both and can only hope I love baby boy as much as I do DD (which I know Iwill but it seems impossible)
Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
DD: 10/5/16
TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
DS: 1/9/19