New member Intro

ayush7

Hello! 
I have been looking for a place/community that understands what I am going through and am so glad to have found this place! Reading these posts give me some relief that I'm not the only one feeling this way and there is hope out there! 

Me (30 y/o with PCOS) and my husband (30 y/o) have been trying for over two year now and just finished our 3rd IUI with letrozole and trigger shot which was negative. We are now considering IVF, per my doctors recommendation  and have our first meeting with the clinic next week. I have tried acupuncture as many people recommend it but it stressed me out even more. I went to two sessions and did not like it at all, I was super tense the whole time and felt worse after.
 
I am getting very frustrated, angry, sad, disappointed with this whole process and its depresses me even more after every failed attempt. It is hard for immediate people around me to relate because they don't understand and they are not pumped with hormones even though they are trying their best to be there for me. I am very nervous about the IVF process and dont know if I will be able to handle pumping more things into my body. I guess we will know more after our first consultation. 

This is my first post so please forgive me if I did anything wrong. Good luck to everyone! I hope we all find a solution that works for us. 

fivetimesnoluck

@ayush7 I am sorry you find yourself here. It sucks that you haven't yet had success with the treatments you have pursued. Your feelings are right on point. Infertility makes even the sanest among us frustrated, angry, sad, - feeling crazy with the mix of emotions. I hope that by participating here you find some comfort knowing you are not alone. Wishing you the best of luck in however you choose to proceed.

suzycupcake

@ayush7 Welcome to this board and I second what fivetimesnoluck said. Please join in on your month's IVF thread. There is a September egg retrieval thread posted with a lot of really supportive ladies in it. I was insanely nervous about the thought of IVF too and took a break from all treatment for a few cycles to get my feels and body in order. That might be an option for you to feel a bit better about this. Also though, I lurked and asked questions of other ladies to learn about the process and it helped me to feel so much better, more empowered about the thought of doing this. I hope the same happens for you.

The best thing that I did was research a very good RE with a high success rate, but I also called clinics to ask about what makes them different from other ones. I went with the one that I thought was best for me and it ended up being the clinic and RE that made me hopeful again. Here were my fears about IVF and how they were relieved:

1. During IUI, we were treated like cattle, one collection room, piss poor monitoring, a one size fits all treatment protocol.
At my new clinic, they have two collection rooms, tailored treatment to each patient's individual needs, heavy monitoring, we were treated like we should be--we are paying them!

2. I dont like needles but I got used to under the skin trigger shot injections during IUI.
For IVF, I will still be doing under the skin injections, even with stim medications. Even though this ended up being the best possible outcome for me because of my dislike of needles, if I had to do injections into my muscle, every stark white negative pregnancy test up until this point and my emotions about it proved to me that my desire to have a baby is greater than any temporary pain I might experience.

3. I had such bad reactions to IUI meds, big cysts, benched on full pelvic rest, so much pain, etc.
My IVF RE told me he will not allow that to happen because he will put me under, go in there and extract my eggs before my ovaries have a chance to form cysts.

4. I hate medication period and wasn't sure how I'd be able to pump my body full of more meds with IVF.
My new RE says that we will do a retrieval, freeze stuff, I can wait a cycle or two to allow my body to calm down before doing a transfer, which doesn't involve all of that medication again. All they do is place a catheter like they do in IUI and push an embryo into my uterus during the implantation window.

5. I had to fight over and over again to advocate for myself during IUIs at my old clinic. They didn't do this test or told me to do this in error, etc. 
Asking my new clinic about the process, who will I contact if I have questions, what tests they recommend when and why, etc., helped me to know what to expect to relieve anxiety. I used my poor experiences at IUI clinics to formulate the questions I asked. 

6. I found a clinic with an RE who will be with me every step of the way rather than seeing all these other people and never my own doctor for everything. If I'm paying thousands of freaking dollars, I'm going to see my doctor, plain and simple. 

This journey is such a struggle and knowing that you have a doctor who will do all of the worrying so that you don't have to, is key. Sending all the hugs to you and hope to see you in the other threads. I'm serious that the other ladies here are really great at helping to calm anxiety about this process. It means a lot to see them going through it because then I know I'm not the only one. 

ayush7

@fivetimesnoluck thank you so much for the support, I was going crazy and didn't know where to voice my concerns. 
@suzycupcake thank so much for the details! It truly does help and I feel your pain with the IUI, I didn't see my doctor until my last IUI and that was only for a few mins. I felt so lost and would have to ask for service instead of them providing a solution for me. With PCOS they didn't even want to do a mid cycle ultrasound, I had to ask for it! I went to Cleveland Clinic fertility center which is supposed to be the best around but I guess with a big hospital like that, you're just another number. My doctor also made me feel bad about my weight and thats the reason im not getting pregnant, which I did not care for. I have been on a weight loss path but it takes time, cant happen overnight and im only 15-20 pounds over, but she made me feel like I should lose 100 pounds. Im looking forward to this new clinic for the IVF, they have great reviews. Once I know the plan, I will join the monthly post for IVF. 
Thank you both for the support!