Rainbow baby woes

luvmyminime

Hello all! I am currently 32 weeks with my rainbow baby. We have an almost 4 yr old dd that is the center of my world. We had a miscarriage back in December at 6 weeks, likely a chemical pregnancy, and were pregnant again by the end of January. While this has been a hard pregnancy for me physically, it has been a healthy pregnancy overall. However, I had a hard time really letting myself celebrate at first. It wasn't until our scan at 21 weeks that I finally really felt the joy and excitement. Now, as we get closer, I find that I'm having horrible nightmares and such. Last night I had 2 different nightmares about miscarrying, plus a nightmare about my dd getting hurt. Is anyone else having this issue or has been something similar? Just wanting to connect with people who may be struggling with the same issues.

nasalot188

@luvmyminime Welcome! Feel free to introduce yourself in the introductions thread so we can get to know you. Many women on here have been dealing with pregnancy after miscarriage/loss, I do believe there is a PGAL thread somewhere, although it hasn't been active in a while.

I also experienced a chemical pregnancy before this one, 2 actually. I also found it hard to celebrate and get over the anxiety at first, but am doing much better now that we've progressed past viability. As for the nightmares, I get those too. I had them really bad once DS was born. I would constantly have nightmares regarding SIDS or him getting hurt.

I think it's very normal...chalk it all up to hormones and hang in there. Your LO will be here before you know it

mamabearcj

Hello, first I'm sorry for the loss you experienced. Though I dont personally have experience with a loss I have learned they occur way more than I previously realized. I have learned a lot from this group of wonderful woman, some of them may be able to connect with you further than myself. I would suggest introducing yourself in the intro thread and lurking and joining in some of our threads to get to know the community and hopefully make connections.  

sammierose464

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling. Unfortunately, pregnancy dreams can be a real jerk sometimes. Even those of us who haven't experienced loss may have horrible dreams regarding our babies or our relationships/lives. My anxiety has been very high lately about my baby.

I recommend you introduce yourself on our intro thread and start lurking around some of the threads. Especially the "symptoms" weekly thread and the "mental health mamas". You might find some good support there.

Welcome to our little community.

jennybean80

I’m in a bit of a different situation - this pregnancy was identical twins, but we lost one at 22+ weeks, which had some pretty significant possible implications for the surviving baby (stroke being the highest possibility). So it’s been a stressful journey. My husband and I have been seeing a counsellor to help us with the situation, and to work on our communication with each other. I had some unsettling dreams earlier, but they seem to have stopped. My older kids are 7 (DS1) and 4 (DS2/DD - twins). 

I definitely suggest joining in with the Mental Health thread, as there may be strategies to help you cope. Good luck and I’m sorry for your loss. 

bntfroggie

I would suggest joining the Pregnant After A Loss board.  They really helped me through my second pregnancy after my MMC.  I have been calmer this go around but still didn't believe it was really happening until about 20wks.  It's very very hard and remember to take it one day at a time.

krgriffin26

I totally get it! My almost 4 year old is our rainbow baby after a 10 week loss. It was hard to be too happy during her pregnancy and with this one as well. Maybe even more difficult this time since I already have an outside baby. I'm still really even cautious at 34 weeks. Find some groups and just talk about your fears. Take it one day at a time! 

silverramette

30 weeks with rainbow baby currently. I lost my last baby on halloween last year at 16 weeks.  I dreamt about her for a while—holding her, hearing her cry, that my grandpa (deceased) was caring for her.  I went through 3.5 months of grief counseling (luckily paid by employer as a part of family assistance program).  I don’t dream I’m going to lose this one but we’ve been cautiously optimistic and didn’t announce this pregnancy until about 16 weeks.  I would recommend you find a counselor and talk to your SO about your fears.  It will alleviate your stress and help prevent your subconscious from taking over your dreams like this...Recognize your loss, even if that means a ceremony or talking about it.  Give yourself permission to celebrate and to be happy.  Whatever problems come your way, you can handle with the help of your family and friends.  

mommy2ane

It’s rough... I had two losses before we had our 4 year old. I found out I was pregnant with him the month I was due with the second baby so it was a total mind fuck. Even though I’ve had two kids since, I still stress about potentially losing this one and stress during my pregnancies. Give yourself a break, and it’s okay to feel apprehensive as well as to feel joy. It’s conflicting but life isn’t simple. 

ashin121

Hi! It's unfortunately normal to have these dreams and not fully enjoy the pregnancy. I had one miscarriage before my 2.5 year old son and 3 miscarriages last year before this one all requiring a D&C . I'm 32 weeks.  I'm always counting kicks and resting as much as I can . I think the only thing that helps me through is what my mom told me which was.". God has a plan for everything and wants the best and healthiest baby for you. If the baby can't survive in the most safest place in the world which is your womb, then it'll have a really hard time in the outside world where it's so much harder. It's most likely a chromosomal abnormality so he's just making the best for you and your family.  ".  This thought really helped me through and kept me going to keep trying after all my loses. Plus they say your baby can feel your feelings so I try to stay happy and positive for the baby. Who knows if that's true  

Try to stay optimistic. Hang in there

krzyriver

I had several miscarriages before I got pregnant with Z, who is almost 2 now. My last MC I was due in May of 2016.... which meant I was pregnant with Z on my due date. It was VERY difficult. I didn’t enjoy any of my pregnancy, I was constantly terrified of something happening to Z. And any time I did feel excitement, I felt guilty. I still struggle with it sometimes, because I wouldn’t have Z if I’d had that baby, but of course I still want all my babies back.

I wish I had some advice, but we will always wonder about our babies that are not here with us. And we have to remember that our beautiful children that we do have might not be here if things had been different. Hold your baby tight every day once he/she is here. The pain will fade with time.