Best Advice from your Baby Classes

sammierose464

Many of us are taking birthing classes right now (birthing, breastfeeding, sibling, infant care etc) or have recently taken them. What are some of the best pieces of advice you got from the class? If your a STM+, what gems stood out that you remember for your subsequent births? All of our classes will be a little bit different, so I thought it would be nice to share some of the key takeaways we have.

dellusion

One thing that I will be doing differently this time is the sibling introduction.  Last time I had zero warning when my oldest was walking in the room and he saw me holding baby brother and was immediately alienated from me.  He gave me the silent treatment for quite awhile and I really think it delayed him bonding with his little brother.  With this new kid i'm going to make sure baby is in the bassinet when my boys walk in the door so I can hug and love on them first and then introduce them to baby brother.  I'll probably even get them little gifts "from the baby" to help with the introductions, which I didn't do last time.

As far as what I learned from my first birthing class that has been helpful was the bit about "4th trimester" and baby's need to be held and cuddled and wrapped tight constantly.  Ignore anyone who tells you that you're spoiling your baby by holding them or nursing them too much! Babies are shockingly good at telling you what they need, so be sure to listen. 

KFrob

@dellusion Your post made me tear up.  Thinking about the right way to introduce DD to the baby makes me really overwhelmed and emotional.  I feel like I've read so many suggestions and I'm trying to piece together what makes sense for us and for DD's personality. We're doing the gift thing both ways, DD picked out something for the baby and the baby is going to give her something too.  We're also thinking about maybe having DD come to the hospital so we can all bring the baby home together.    

dellusion

@KFrob, yes personality and age plays a huge part in that sibling interaction too!  My first two are 23 months apart.  New kid will be 5yrs and 3yrs apart from his big brothers, so i'm hoping it'll be easier for the older ones since they'll have a better idea of what's going on.  I love the reciprocal gift idea....i think I'll have the big boys make some special artwork for little brother as a gift, maybe hang it in his nursery so they can see it in that space and relate it to him.

fwiw, my boys now are best buds and biggest foes all wrapped up in one.  reminds me of the relationship I had with my big brother.  In fact, I just dropped them off at school today and DS2 has been super clingy to me, but we're getting ready to start a new "school year" which comes with transitioning to new classrooms.  For the first time ever I dropped both boys off together in the same early opening room.  It was so sweet to watch DS2 stick right next to big brother for support.  He didn't cry or cling to me at all (which he's been doing quite a bit of lately at drop off).  Made my heart melt a bit to see them there together.  Ack, i'm getting all teary.......sibling relationships are the coolest thing to see!!! So excited to get to know everyone here and read about how the big kids deal with meeting and getting to know their new siblings!  

sammierose464

I'm not really worried about SS, but I think the dynamic is a little different. He's SO excited for the baby to come. He tells us constantly how he can't wait. I think the fact that I'm not his "real mom" will help the transition. I am more worried about how he will feel about his relationship with his dad. He's a mama's boy for sure, but he craves attention and time with his dad too. My key is to make sure that they still have 1:1 dates on occassion.

KFrob

@sammierose464 We weren't worried about it with SD either since there was a different dynamic and I hate to say it but she was used to staying at different houses, having new people introduced into her life and being with her two families plus still having the consistency of staying an "only child" while at mom's house.  Plus SD's personality isn't nearly as sensitive as DD's.     

acciocoffee

@dellusion That's something I hadn't even considered! In my head, I have pictured me holding the baby when she walks in. You might be right though about putting baby in the bassinet until DD gets some hugs first. She always is super excited to see me even if I've only been gone a couple hours, so running hugs happen on a daily basis. Might not be the best intro to baby brother if the first thing I have to do is tell her to be gentile... Thanks for sharing that!

Also, I 100% agree about giving baby unlimited cuddles. DD napped in our arms all the time and I have no regrets about it. Also, she LOVED being swaddled. Plus she just looked so cute all wrapped up like that.

bel194

I get teary eyed thinking about the introduction as well! I keep thinking too about me growing up as an only child and how now DD will get to grow up with a sister now.

We did our sibling class on Monday and one of their tips was to start making the older child practice waiting now. So instead of getting them a snack when they ask, tell them they need to wait and be patient until you finish doing X, and then you will get them a snack. 

sammierose464

This article seems to fit the conversation: https://pickanytwo.net/helping-your-child-adjust-to-a-new-baby/#_a5y_p=4086486

mommy2ane

The introduction... it made me tear up! We video taped when A came into the room. He and E are 2 years 9 months apart. I was holding her but I think my husband or my inlaws prepped him for when he came in. He was so excited and I made sure I hugged him and they met while in my arms. We actually watched the video recently and both kids loved it. E is much more Mommy clingy. But she’s also younger. They’ll be 22 months apart so I don’t know how she’ll react once the baby is actually here. But at the same time, she’s already used to sharing me so it may not be that big of a deal. I may have H hold the baby when they come in so I can give them hugs. 

Also, yes to hugs, snuggles and cuddles! I don’t regret the moments I snuggled rather than do something else. Especially STMs- this new baby won’t get to have you to themselves so I feel that it’s important to give the new baby one on one time as much as possible. I also made sure to give A one on one time as well. His little world was altered and even though he loves his sister, he needed reassurance of his place in the family. 

SweetSweetTooth

You can ask for more time and more info for most decisions in birth in the moment.

If you don't like a nurse you can fire them and ask for a different one. You are paying them not the other way around.

nasalot188

A few valuable things i remember from my birthing classes with DS:
1. Lying on your back with legs in stirrups is actually one of the least effective ways to push (obviously there are some exceptions, like limited movement if you get an epi), being on your side, or on all 4's, or squatting etc. are all more productive and work with gravity.
2. You have the right to say no or request more time if the situation is not an emergency (ie. doctors are recommending a c-section)
3. Take one contraction at a time and breathe deep in and out. If you focus on the contractions ahead and how long you have to go, you will panic and stress. 1 at a time, get through it and move to the next.
4. Adrenaline is a powerful drug! After DS was born I felt like I could do ANYTHING

I didn't even think about the introduction for DS to baby. Good to know! Will definitely read up on some options.

cjx95

Most helpful advice I think I got was to find a focal point for when contractions hit. Whether that be DH, a spot on the wall, a spot on the floor, counting, something to focus on to help get through the contractions. 

chopchop25

Favorite lesson from class 1:
If you're one of those people who goes to the restroom, and then immediately has to go again - lift and jiggle your belly a bit to remove some of the pressure from your bladder and get more out on the first try. I haven't tried it yet but our teacher swears by the 'lift and jiggle!' 

nugget2ehf

Kind of piggybacking of @nasalot188, but one of the things that really stuck with me was the time that you're actually having contractions is much less than you'd realize. I know it's different for every person, and it may not be this way at all. But one of the ways I deal with things is breaking something big down into more manageable pieces. 

So they said the average labor for FTM is 24 hours, and of that 24 hours you're actually only contracting for about 3.5 hours total. And then only like 30 to 45 minutes of that are the really tough ones. 

Probably wishful thinking on my part. And I obviously have no idea what to expect. But it made it seem more manageable to me, if you can think about it just being a portion of the entire thing. 

quiltandknit

The instructor at our hospital really pushed visualization during contractions...thinking about your happiest time, your proudest time, etc as a focus rather than the pain to also help your brain release endorphins. I thought this was interesting and I’m definitely going to try it.

nugget2ehf

Yes, and breathing in a specific pattern can help you focus on that instead of the pain. And maybe bringing a picture of something you really care about that you can stare at when it's bad. 

I'm not against getting an epidural and will certainly do so if it gets bad. But I'm also one who tends to say "After the next one" or "I can do one more" until the next thing I know it's over. So fingers crossed for that to work this time. (That's also been my mantra for getting through the work days lately...)

sammierose464

Lately every time I feel nervous or scared about labor, I remind myself that my body is meant for this, in the end I get my baby boy, and other positive affirmations. My hope is that if I drill them into my head now, they will be easier to bring to mind when I'm in pain .

pajamstagrams

@nasalot188 yep, the L&D nurse who taught our last birth class told us the same thing, you have the right to say no and/or ask for alternatives. It was nice to hear that confirmed, since I am trying to do a med free birth and don't want a lot of unnecessary interventions.

missmaehurt

I didn’t do a delivery class with DD, but a baby care class (I was clueless when it came to babies). One thing I’ll always remember is if baby is fed, diaper is clean, all basic needs met and they’re still crying, strip them down to see if there’s a hair wrapped around a finger or toe. Especially with PP hair loss, those can easily end up tightening around their fingers and causing pain.

jwebbbber45678

Heat is great for contractions. I spent a good deal of time laboring at home in the shower with the hot water running. It was very helpful! 

knottieamusements

Not from a class, but from a discussion with my anesthesiologist prior to my c-section-

If you are like me and abhor the thought of using narcotics (especially opiods), the use of them in an epidural reduces the likelihood that you need stronger painkillers after the c-section.  (Note - the context of this conversation was that I wanted to forgo the use of opioids in the epidural, so she was educating me on its use.)

Also, while I didn’t take any oxycodone after the surgery, I did discuss this also with my favorite hospital pharmacist.  He said that use of anything stronger than ibuprofen or Tylenol should be discontinued after about two days post surgery.  

acciocoffee

@chopchop25 I just started doing this a couple days ago and can confirm it works! 

I actually learned this from a birthing book last time and I really think it made my experience a lot better with DD. So just because you hit 10 cm doesn't mean you need to start pushing. My nurse called it "laboring down" if I remember correctly. Obviously, baby needs to be handling labor well to do this, but I waited until my body started pushing on its own to start pushing with DD. Because of that, she was crowning after my practice push and she was out in 3 pushes. I probably would have pushed a lot longer if I had started pushing right away. I did have to advocate for myself though. I told the nurse that I didn't feel like my body was ready and, luckily, she was very supportive and thought it was a good idea. Even with an epidural, I could still feel the contractions and my body working to push DD down. If you can't feel it then the epidural probably needs to be turned down. 

SawyerRichardson

@acciocoffee This is the biggest thing that I’m going to do differently this time. I had no idea that you don’t have to start pushing just because you are at 10cm. With DD I pushed for 2 solid hours and was so exhausted by the end that she had to be vacuum assisted out. Looking back I don’t think I was ready to push yet. I’m planning to tell every nurse that I’m not pushing until I’m good and ready.

jennybean80

Labouring down is awesome! It’s more an issue for FTMs (typically the pushing stage of youve had a baby vaginally before is less than 30 minutes, and 1-2 pushes is super common). But if you’re fully dilated, have decent contractions, baby is handling labour well, and you don’t feel an urge to push waiting 1-2 hours (we're involved in a study that promotes up to 4 hours) before pushing is fine. Your body will do the work of bringing baby further into the pelvis and significantly shorten the pushing stage (and you’ll get less tired!). 

Edited for weird punctuation

jwebbbber45678

With my first, I got an epidural and then they checked and I was 10 cm. They had me lay on my side with a giant foam peanut between my legs and I took a 2 hour nap ( which was much needed because I hadn't slept the night before). When I woke up they told me the baby had labored down enough to start pushing.  It still took an hour but he it all went very well with minimal tearing. 

acciocoffee

@jennybean80 I was actually hoping you would jump in here and confirm that I'm not crazy!

@jweber4747 I had the giant peanut too! I'm hoping I can snag one of those again this time since I think the nurse said they only had one. 

nmadjeski

I had the peanut ball as well. A little awkward at first but it definitely helped!

cagncoo12

@chopchop25 and @acciocoffee are you supposed to lift and jiggle before you sit or once your on the toilet? This may be the weirdest question I’ve ever asked. 

pajamstagrams

@cagncoo12 I also do the lift (not so much the jiggle), and I do it while I'm peeing or when I'm "done" peeing to see if more comes out.

purplegoldfish2

missmaehurt said:

I didn’t do a delivery class with DD, but a baby care class (I was clueless when it came to babies). One thing I’ll always remember is if baby is fed, diaper is clean, all basic needs met and they’re still crying, strip them down to see if there’s a hair wrapped around a finger or toe. Especially with PP hair loss, those can easily end up tightening around their fingers and causing pain.

If it’s a boy, check his penis too. 

chopchop25

@cagncoo12 so far I’ve only tried when @jemmerjams said. I’m assuming it may depend a little on your body and how long it takes to relieve the pressure?

beccajean71

I think the best advice we got was that you only need slow flow bottle nipples. The instructor explained that the breast only has one flow and therefore bottles should too and the medium/fast flow are marketing tactics to make people buy more.

She said that slow flow is best and most like the breast. Also that medium and fast doesn't let baby understand it's full until it's overfull and can lead to early obesity. 

I didn't check any science behind it, but it seems logical and we only registered for slowflow.

kiwi2628

I dont even know how to tell if the bottles I have been gifted are slow or fast flow...

purplegoldfish2

kiwi2628 said:

I dont even know how to tell if the bottles I have been gifted are slow or fast flow...

New or used and what kind are they? New are usually slow flow and should say on the package. 

kiwi2628

purplegoldfish2 said:

kiwi2628 said:

I dont even know how to tell if the bottles I have been gifted are slow or fast flow...

New or used and what kind are they? New are usually slow flow and should say on the package. 

New- they came in my baby boxes but I already threw away the packages and washed the bottles.. I have some advent ones, a Dr. Browns and some other kind. I will have to google when I get home

mytrueloves

I read a hypnobirthint book and while I didn't get much out of it, the book suggested practicing the pushing breathing while having a BM and it changed my life. Instead of pushing while having a BM, take short but deep breaths and keep yourself relaxed. I poop so much easier and faster now.
youre welcome

pajamstagrams

@mytrueloves now I kinda want to try....3rd tri constipation is no joke

SweetSweetTooth

Even slow flow bottle flow too fast. Look up pace feeding for bottle feeding. 

acciocoffee

@cagncoo12 I just lift my belly while I pee. I can always tell that I am lifting LO up when I do it so I'm guessing he puts pressure on my bladder that makes it difficult to empty it. 

Mylitta

@kiwi2628 They should have a number on the nipple. #1 is the 'newborn/breastfed' slow flow. The higher the number typically the faster the flow - I think that's a normal across the board that a higher number is faster flow.

@beccajean76 From what I have noted, all brands equate newborn and breastfed and recommend that you never change the flow so long as you are breastfeeding. Which completely supports your class that there is never a need to up the flow. I have heard of babies getting frustrated that it's not fast enough, but it's usually closer to 10-12m olds. So by that time you could transition to a cup.