The schedule is life. People will roll their eyes and make comments, but they have no idea.
This. This. This. Somany eye rolls about keeping a nap and bedtime schedule. Esp from the in laws, which you would think they would understand. No, we can't meet you for dinner at 8pm ... I don't care though because DD is an amazing sleeper.
My pediatrician once told me that it’s not a problem if it’s working for you. The exact situation was that I was always nursing baby to sleep, then putting her down (when the “rules” say to put baby down sleepy but not totally asleep). But it worked for us for months! Until it became impossible to put baby down and leave the room without her waking and screaming, and we started sleep training, but those months where it worked for us? Priceless!
I think the sane advice applies for anything: no schedule works for you? Great! Only napping while walking in the stroller and you love walking? Great!
The schedule thing is definitely something to figure out for yourselves.
I love/loved NOT being on a nap/feeding schedule. If I need to run an errand and I'm not home by set nap time, it's not a problem. We keep a general bed time but if DS isn't home and in bed at bed time? It's perfectly fine. No I won't agree to an 8pm dinner, but a 6pm dinner that has us getting home at 9:30? Sure, once in a while why not?
It's all about finding what works for you and your LO.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
I wanted to be on a schedule so very badly but my baby wouldn't do it. I'd hear everyone talk about feeding and sleep schedules and just be screaming in my head, "how!? How do you do it!?" If the baby won't eat or sleep at the times you want them to and then NEEDS to eat or sleep at the "wrong" time do you not feed them and like poke them awake!? How!? My baby was just such a horrible sleeper we couldn't even pretend to get on a schedule until he was 6? 7? months old and it was still a hot mess til he was over a year I'm crossing everything I can cross and hoping with every fiber of my soul that this baby sleeps anything close to resembling "good," so that maybe I too can finally experience the joys of a schedule and doing things, any thing, "after baby goes down for the night."
YASSSSS to schedules. My son loves it, I love it. Grandparents who babysit love it. Everyone is well-rested and happy :-)
- You might do EVERYTHING wrong breastfeeding-wise for the first few days. Like, everything that hardcore breastfeeding advocates will tell you to avoid (pacifier, needing to supplement with formula, baby not "rooming in" with you in the hospital, etc), and you can STILL turn out to have an awesome breastfeeding experience that lasts over a year!
Yes! We gave both kids pacifiers in the hospital and we sent baby #1 to the nursery night 2 in the hospital and sent baby #2 both nights. I still EBF for a year.
The nurses still brought baby into the room so I could nurse overnight, but I slept a ton better knowing they were still being looked after.
Re: schedules, I used an app to track baby’s natural sleep patterns from about 1-4 months, and noticed patterns I would not have otherwise noticed. It made it easy to encourage those natural patterns, which turned into a schedule. The patterns with feeding were more obvious, so it was easier to try to be consistent (like a bedtime feed, a late-night feed, an early morning feed, etc.) and also link the feedings to expected naps because it was easy to nurse her to sleep!
@stothi I hope it comes easier and earlier this time!!
I will say DS put himself on a schedule, basically. We followed sleep/wake recommendations for his age and offered naps when his recommended wake time was up. He did follow the books pretty well. Not every kid will do this, though. I like to think DS was in the womb absorbing all of my new baby knowledge from books and websites through osmosis.
@stothi my DD wasn’t on a predictable schedule for....hmmmm. Well she’s 3 now and goes to bed between 7-9 depending on if she naps or not. I had to learn early on to go with her flow, as soon as I thought I’d found a pattern everything changed. Also daylight savings messes everything up.
+1 to putting your baby down and stepping away when you need a moment. Letting them cry to take a break for a few minutes might be the best thing for everyone.
I’ve already forgotten the title of this thread.....umm tips and tricks?
My lifeline was finding a group of moms to hangout with. I went to the local library story time and eventually we started a play group that meets about 3 times a month. Find your tribe, in person, online, on the phone. Find people going through the same thing so you can support each other and find some sanity in the chaos.
I wish I had known that I had more options to find ways to get things done. There's nothing wrong with taking time to recover after birth, but I feel like it took me *so* long to get into anything resembling a new groove after the baby was born. For me, I finally realized that I needed to take better advantage of babywearing, which I'd been planning to do from before she was born but didn't do right away. Even now, I'm planning on much more wearing than I did last time. Someone else mentioned finding a good spot to be able to set the baby down, and for me, this is very similar. Your baby doesn't have to rule every moment of your life, although they will be very demanding!
I get very overwhelmed when I'm tired and stressed, and my ability to think clearly and make focused, logical decisions goes out the window - but don't just assume because one solution for any given problem isn't working that you're stuck or that nothing else will work.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
@stothi I didn’t realize babies could be so hard until my sil had my nephew...he is just as you describe. Sleep training may help, but mama isn’t comfortable trying it.
Which brings me to my advice: if you aren’t comfortable with it, if it doesn’t work for you, remember you don’t have to do it. Find what works for you.
We naturally fell into a pattern that worked well for us but wasn’t “normal” and didn’t make sense to anyone not living in our home. I tried and tried to get us to a more “normal” timeline, but all it did was frustrate me, cause tension w dh, and stress everyone out.
Once I gave up “normal”, things evened out and we’ve even managed to work our pattern so when we need to be “normal” we can. (We eat dinner as a family at 9-10pm, and dd has a snack at 6pm)
bfp#1-10/29/12,EDD: 7/3/13. nothing found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 12/10/12. "Bean"
bfp#2-5/10/13! EDD: 1/18/14. "Peanut" Arrived 1/13/14. Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis
bfp#3- 9/26/14. EDD: 5/7/15. no heartbeat found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 10/23/14. "Little Bug"
I wish I would have known to disregard and/or be appropriately offended by judgemental questions (He's not sleeping through the night yet? He's eating again already? Are you SURE it's safe to drink a beer if you're breastfeeding? Etc.) Thanks for the concern but I got this.
I wish I had known how much hair I would lose and how long the shedding stage can last. It got scary for a while but after 6 months or so it got back to normal.
I was thrilled to have an OB who explained that birth is MY experience and we were paying a LOT of $ for it so we should make sure we were satisfied with the experience. Medical staff and the hospital reps can request you do things (change clothes, have an IV, etc.) But unless there is serious concern or risk you can refuse/decline. I felt like I was a human at the hospital for a routine procedure. I was empowered to ask the whats and whys of everything. I never felt like a random patient or room number during birth.
I wish I had known how much hair I would lose and how long the shedding stage can last. It got scary for a while but after 6 months or so it got back to normal.
Yes! After my first, I’d heard the PP hair loss was bad but never expected to get a receding hairline! 3 months of insane clumps coming out. Then one day it just stopped. I had it from 3-6 months PP with #1 and 2.5-5.5 months PP with #2.
Re: I wish I had known...
I think the sane advice applies for anything: no schedule works for you? Great! Only napping while walking in the stroller and you love walking? Great!
I love/loved NOT being on a nap/feeding schedule. If I need to run an errand and I'm not home by set nap time, it's not a problem. We keep a general bed time but if DS isn't home and in bed at bed time? It's perfectly fine. No I won't agree to an 8pm dinner, but a 6pm dinner that has us getting home at 9:30? Sure, once in a while why not?
It's all about finding what works for you and your LO.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
I'm crossing everything I can cross and hoping with every fiber of my soul that this baby sleeps anything close to resembling "good," so that maybe I too can finally experience the joys of a schedule and doing things, any thing, "after baby goes down for the night."
The nurses still brought baby into the room so I could nurse overnight, but I slept a ton better knowing they were still being looked after.
I will say DS put himself on a schedule, basically. We followed sleep/wake recommendations for his age and offered naps when his recommended wake time was up. He did follow the books pretty well. Not every kid will do this, though. I like to think DS was in the womb absorbing all of my new baby knowledge from books and websites through osmosis.
+1 to putting your baby down and stepping away when you need a moment. Letting them cry to take a break for a few minutes might be the best thing for everyone.
I’ve already forgotten the title of this thread.....umm tips and tricks?
My lifeline was finding a group of moms to hangout with. I went to the local library story time and eventually we started a play group that meets about 3 times a month. Find your tribe, in person, online, on the phone. Find people going through the same thing so you can support each other and find some sanity in the chaos.
I get very overwhelmed when I'm tired and stressed, and my ability to think clearly and make focused, logical decisions goes out the window - but don't just assume because one solution for any given problem isn't working that you're stuck or that nothing else will work.
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
I didn’t realize babies could be so hard until my sil had my nephew...he is just as you describe. Sleep training may help, but mama isn’t comfortable trying it.
Which brings me to my advice: if you aren’t comfortable with it, if it doesn’t work for you, remember you don’t have to do it. Find what works for you.
We naturally fell into a pattern that worked well for us but wasn’t “normal” and didn’t make sense to anyone not living in our home. I tried and tried to get us to a more “normal” timeline, but all it did was frustrate me, cause tension w dh, and stress everyone out.
Once I gave up “normal”, things evened out and we’ve even managed to work our pattern so when we need to be “normal” we can. (We eat dinner as a family at 9-10pm, and dd has a snack at 6pm)
bfp#1-10/29/12,EDD: 7/3/13. nothing found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 12/10/12. "Bean"
bfp#2-5/10/13! EDD: 1/18/14. "Peanut" Arrived 1/13/14. Diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis
bfp#3- 9/26/14. EDD: 5/7/15. no heartbeat found @ 1st u/s, natural mc 10/23/14. "Little Bug"
**Psalm 139:16**
I wish I had known how much hair I would lose and how long the shedding stage can last. It got scary for a while but after 6 months or so it got back to normal.
I was thrilled to have an OB who explained that birth is MY experience and we were paying a LOT of $ for it so we should make sure we were satisfied with the experience. Medical staff and the hospital reps can request you do things (change clothes, have an IV, etc.) But unless there is serious concern or risk you can refuse/decline. I felt like I was a human at the hospital for a routine procedure. I was empowered to ask the whats and whys of everything. I never felt like a random patient or room number during birth.