Giving two weeks' notice is a bullshit tradition. I mean, it's best to try to wrap things up tidily for your coworkers and everything obviously (which may or may not require two weeks), but companies don't give you two weeks to rearrange your personal or financial affairs when they fire you or lay you off, and I find it utterly ridiculous that more is expected from employees than from employers on that front.
(I just turned in my resignation; the only reason I gave notice at all was because I was afraid of my employer's ability to sabotage my career in future. I gave about a week, which is more than adequate time to help transition my responsibilities over to my coworkers, particularly as I regularly leave copious notes on every file and I've worked hard to train people to back me up on my other responsibilities).
@AGK2015 I agree it sucks that it’s a double standard, but I think giving notice is the professional thing to do. My old job was notorious for unceremoniously kicking people out about a week after they gave notice so they couldn’t “steal clients.” News flash—-if they already gave notice, whatever clients they were planning on taking are already on board. Anyway, people have now started jumping ship left and right without any notice. One guy emailed them his resignation from his new job’s email address. Hahaha. Sometimes karma is great.
My UO - don't hate me everyone, but I think that 90% of cute dog/baby videos are actually super dangerous and set up unfair (to the dog) and unsafe (for the baby) expectations of how a dog and a small child should interact. No, it is not cute that your kid stands on your dog to reach the fridge. No, it is not cute to cram a dog and a baby into a baby swing together. Yes, maybe your dog is the most chill dog in the universe and will tolerate it, but it might inspire another family to take that risk and have it end very, very differently. Not to mention, that even if your dog *tolerates* that stuff, it doesn't mean it enjoys being used as a ladder or being ridden like a horse. And every dog, even beloved dogs, have their breaking point.
@rosebud332 Yeah, it's definitely not a thing I can avoid doing (much though I wanted to), but ooooooooh it chafes me! I might feel differently if things here hadn't been so sour, but the level of bullying and harassment and retaliation by management has just been awful for years now, so the fact that they have one more piece of leverage over me is really frustrating. The people who could negatively impact my career down the road are the ones who've pushed me to the point where I feel like taking a pay cut to leave is my best option, and if I'd quit without notice and they elected to retaliate (which is in line with what they've done before), potential employers wouldn't necessarily look to get my side of the story before throwing away my resume, you know?
If this were less of a toxic hellhole, I'd probably feel more generous in how much notice I'd be willing to give.
@AGK2015 I totally get it. I felt similarly at my old job. Management was just awful and sometimes I just wanted to screw them. But in the end it came down to really I’d be screwing my coworkers who were great, so I didn’t do it. I left them a bad review on Glassdoor though, cause I’m petty like that.
@maureenmce Ooooo people being careless around dogs and/or generally disregarding their comfort drives me crazy. My brother will pick dogs up and play with them in ways that clearly make them uncomfortable, but he thinks that just because they aren't whining or growling that they just don't mind. And I cannot preach enough about kids and dogs. It's an animal - their behaviors can be predictable for the most part, but you really have no idea what that dog is going to do and when. Good dogs snap out of nowhere all the time. Kids' body language is all over the place and they don't understand boundaries as well. Like you said, even the chillest, best-behaved dog has a breaking point.
Hm, seems like my UO is that when I jump ship, I like to give a four-week notice so that I can train my replacement. But I guess I only did that in highly technical jobs where you can only learn by doing, or where it’s normal to memorize EVERYTHING. Then again, I’m a hopeless optimist and always leave on good terms - just in case.
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
In my field a significantly longer notice period is standard. Last time I think I gave about 4 months notice? I think the minimum I would do would be 6 weeks because that’s how far out I need to give notice to block my clinics for vacation.
I gave four weeks and change notice at my last job, which had nothing to do with my employer, my coworkers or training a replacement. I was a child and adolescent therapist and I needed to give my clients time to process and terminate with me. I still think about many of them and how they’re doing.
@maureenmce I agree about everything you said. I have cute videos of my DD and my dog but they’re not anything like what you described. They’re her laughing at him, them sharing toys, him licking her. I know he’s an animal and that he’s way gentler with her but there’s always a risk and I don’t leave them alone together.
My UO is I am excited for fall and I want it to stop being so hot. Lol
@Jens_Hoes I’m also ready for fall! I saw some decor the other day in At Home and it got me so excited! Then, I saw the Christmas stuff one aisle over and it freaked me out...
@maureenmce I completely agree! My dogs love my son, but they are dogs. Especially drives me crazy, when you see a newborn baby propped up on a dog. What if the doorbell rings, the mail comes, or a squirrel runs past the window?
@agk2015 I agree that it is a double standard. How did it go with your boss when you told her?
My UO is about birth plans. I get having a general idea of what you want and what you don’t want and going over the main medical points with your OB but....most OB can’t follow the plan as one has laid out because as a doctor the health of you and baby come first. Do you really think telling a doctor “I don’t want that” as your baby is in distress is a good idea?
I wanted to do delayed cord cutting but in the middle of a terrible delivery my OB says “Dad get ready you have five seconds to cut the cord” and handed him scissors. There was a nurse with scissors behind my husband if he wasn’t fast enough. He did it without hesitation but DD was swiftly pulled away and they started working on her. I dont really remember all the details because I was going down at the same time. Just grateful to have a good team that put a new mom’s grand ideas on the back burner. After everyone was fine my OB did say I could try my plans next time. There were other things about my plan that I wasn’t able to do, this was just the big one. I think it is more annoying that I spent the time to make a plan for something I really had no idea about! Lol
@llynde5 I agree, and I think it's a good idea to have an idea of what you'd like, and not necessarily a plan, because we can't plan how your labor will progress/how baby will do.
My birth "plan" last time and this time is this: -get to hospital -get drugs -get baby out alive -stay alive
@Jens_Hoes that’s pretty much my plan this time! Maybe add don’t kill my hubby to that list. He was such a cheerleader last time, it was so out of character and the nurses thought he was so sweet. I mean he is but I was annoyed after 19.5 hours
@LLynde5 I think of it as more of a “Birth preferences should everything go smoothly and require zero interventions.” Obviously if there’s an emergency the entire thing gets thrown out the window to keep baby and/or mom alive.
And I’m saying this as someone whose son was cut from her early because he wasn’t breathing and had to be taken away to be resuscitated. This time I have high hopes that everything will go well and so I’m bringing my birth preference sheet again
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@LLynde5 I agree that it sets you up for failure if you have a very specific plan that you expect to be followed. However, I think it is good to discuss your preferences with your spouse and her doctor, just so that they know what you want, if possible, if you are not exactly in a place to be making decisions or advocate for yourself.
I am not suggesting that you go into labor blind with no expectations at all but some women put a lot of time and effort into a plan and then are disappointed that it doesn’t go as planned. There are tons of articles about birth plans and options. I find it overwhelming and unnecessary. I am sure a thread closer to December will pop up on here! Lol
I agree your doctor, Midwife and spouse should know that your preferences but if medical intervention is needed, the birth plan should be the last thing a mom needs to worry about.
Have we had a UO about "push gifts" yet? If not, I think they are ridiculous. No offence to those who want a push gift, but I think it makes the whole pregnancy/birth a cheap service that the woman provides. I am not having a baby because I want a gift. The baby is my gift, LOL.
@ab_canada I couldn’t agree more! Someone asked my husband, when I was pregnant with DS, what my push present would be and he was confused and told her the baby.
@ab_canada Yessss. And if a guy wants to thank his wife in some way for carrying / giving birth to their child, then he can do that by making sure he is a good father and partner both during pregnancy and after the baby is born. Do everything possible help with the baby. If you feel like you aren't able to help enough with the baby, then you better do literally every other chore or errand you can think of so mom doesn't have to worry about anything else. The best way to convey appreciation is by showing it, not by buying something. Buying a gift takes almost no effort.
@AGK2015 I totally get that. I usually like to always give 2 weeks to be on good terms. (I also have this bad habit of caring what people think of me, even if I'll never see them again...hahaha) However, one time I found a new position closer to home (I was leasing apartments, and had about an hour drive, and after 9 months of working there, I was offered a job right down the street). I gave a 2 week notice at the beginning of December, but my manager asked if I could stay until after the holidays so everyone could still take their vacation. I agreed because...I was nice I guess? I don't really know. But I regret it. I should have just done the 2 weeks. They were EXTREMELY rude to me the whole time I was still there. Like I personally hurt them by finding a better position. So...moral of the story is, I will never give more time than what is "standard" (2 weeks).
However with my most recent job, I was working weekends and my morning sickness was out of control, and just so I wouldn't be the unreliable person and call in a lot, I gave a two week notice, and he asked me if I would like him to just not put me on the schedule (but I would still be leaving on good terms). I was like...yes please! Some employers are great and it's worth giving back. But not all of them.
@LLynde5 I actually super agree with you. And I am sure some people can get angry about that. But people who have super extensive "my way ONLY" plans for their labor erk me. My doctor put it well with my first pregnancy. I asked her what she thought about birth plans, and she said, for a first time mom, it's best to not have a crazy birth plan because you don't know what your body will do. Anything can happen and literally the most important thing is making sure you and your baby are safe. And you have to be able to trust your doctor with that. Now, I had some things I wanted. Basically just immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding. Neither one of those happened for my pregnancy due to complications and I didn't see or hold my son for 3 hours. But, all turned out well. He ate wonderfully and we bonded quickly. We were both healthy.
@ab_canada Wait, what's "push gift"? I am not sure if I have heard of that. lol
Re: Push Presents I'm 50/50, neither for nor against them. I totally agree with @hkom that being an awesome partner is more important than a gift. I haven't brought it up to DH though, mostly because he got a really good bonus earlier this year and we've been treating ourselves. Seems a bit too greedy (for me) to ask for a push present when I put on my expensive new shoes to drive my new car with my new phone in my pocket. I'm nearly maxed out on new things this year, but I'm most excited for this new baby
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Yeah, I'm not necessarily a push present type gal personally, it's not a tradition we do, BUT I don't think it's a terrible idea. And I do think it's very, very important for partners to acknowledge and honor the disparity between what the mom contributes to the whole bringing children into this world thing and what the dad contributes. For example, ***TW* between 34 and 37 I have been pregnant four times, two times ending in loss. I have had to deal with postpartum thyroiditis after giving birth to my daughter, which took a year to get under control. I had to deal with failed medication treatment of a miscarriage, then a D and C. I had to deal with miscarrying suddenly and unexpectedly at work. I had to deal with PPD and PPA. Not to mention just the normal things like morning sickness, reflux vomiting, of all the middle of the night breastfeeding, breastfeeding struggles and guilt, all of the hormonal ups and downs from weaning, the postpartum period. I had a 27 hour induction that involved me losing consciousness, choking on my vomit, and coughing up blood for hours. And through many of those things I experienced, other than labor and while on maternity leave, I still had to go to work and fulfill my responsibilities as a parent, an employee, a family member, a friend, often with little rest or recovering from procedures, feeling very unwell or dealing with serious emotional, medical and hormonal stuff. end TW***
I'm not saying I want a bracelet or anything, lol, and I have chosen to have kids and go through all the assorted stuff that goes with that, but long story short, it has been a challenging period of my life! And the vast majority of the things I have gone through (and will continue to go through until I am done having children) are things that my husband literally can't experience and often can't even help with. And though personally I think supportive behavior and effort that husbands puts in (letting their partners rest as much as possible, doing little nice things for when we don't feel well, cooking and cleaning and taking as much of a load off of the pregnant/postpartum woman as possible) is much more important and better than a gift, I think the concept of also thanking your wife for enduring everything that comes with bringing a child into this world is...actually kind of a nice idea?
I think it gets a bad rap because it has a dumb name, which makes it sound infantilizing and materialistic!
@ab_canada Normally this is something I would agree with totally, but I actually got one technically. I’m not sure my husband had ever heard of a “push present” because I hadn’t until after the fact, but he did give me a necklace with my daughter’s initials and it’s very special to me. It was sweet because he’s not normally a spontaneous gift giver. We don’t even give gifts for Valentine’s Day or our anniversary most of the time. I guess I think it’s weird for someone to ask for or be mad if they don’t get a present, but if your partner decides it’s a little something they’d like to do to commemorate the moment then I think it’s a nice gesture.
@maureenmce I completely understand and support everything you said! I feel like society as a whole, just assumes that women will successfully give birth to a healthy baby and then go on to care for that child, with no regard for her physical or emotional well-being. I I think my issue with push presents is that everyone I know who has gotten one basically berated their SO into getting it. I feel like, if my husband wants to get me a gift to thank me for carrying and giving birth to our child, it should be something he does on his own. Plus, I would rather have his verbal praise, thanks, and admiration, in addition to his help and support, than a one time gift. (Not that you can’t have all of that plus the gift).
I don't expect a push present but I did get a necklace from DH. DD was born a couple weeks early so he hadn't gotten it by the time she was born but I eventually got it. It's a cute mother/ child pendant with her birth stone.
Re: work and giving notice. This is exactly something I've been thinking about recently! I see it from both sides and think depending on the atmosphere and situation... either 2 weeks notice or longer would be appropriate.
@AGK2015 Remind me, I don't know if I've seen it elsewhere - are you moving to a new job or taking time off at home?
I'm like 95% sure I'm going to stay home after the baby is born and want to take 4 weeks before birth to just prep and rest. I'm talking with my boss next Tuesday (which I'm terrified about since she doesn't react well to things) just to talk about all the options and how flexible she'd be with maternity leave and coming back part-time/work from home. If all things went amazingly and she was super on board with whatever I needed... that's the 5% where I might not stay home. I don't think she's going to be like that though.
So, I'm torn between giving less notice or giving a ton of notice and helping to hire/train my replacement. I don't love the work culture, but all my colleagues are awesome. And we have no admins, associates or other staff at my level. Everyone else are VPs! So.... if I didn't give much notice, I'd definitely be leaving them in a hole. And I'd probably feel terrible. I imagine that 3 months notice would be appropriate in my case to help hire and train someone, especially if I want to be done 1 month out.
Re: push presents - I think they are silly as a present for giving birth. BUT I love presents, and wouldn't say no to something.
Push presents: I think they are weird. Like thanks for giving birth to my child.. but I’d H showed up with a gift I would never turn it down
Honestly I think the best gift I could get from h (or anyone really) is a gift card to get my hair done or a pedicure / manicure or massage or something. Somehing that would say “you’re a trooper. Take some time for yourself and go enjoy a couple hours to be you” i know they should do it anyway but mom guilt is real and you won’t feel like leaving a gentle push to do so would be nice.
I would never ask for one but feel like DH got me something last time and i cant remember. So I just had to ask if my husband got me one last time. Lol. He feels like he did get me something but we can’t remember. He said “do you want one this time?” Um no, if we can’t remember what it was last time, it’s obviously not necessary. He wouldn’t buy jewelry because I never wear my good stuff.
So I mentioned Push Presents to DH He agreed that baby IS a gift (you know, since we’ve been trying), then said that he was already planning on buying flowers. I think I might up the ante and request soup. There are few things in this world I enjoy more than ordering take out Hot & Sour Soup and enjoying it at home
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Re: UO 8.2
(I just turned in my resignation; the only reason I gave notice at all was because I was afraid of my employer's ability to sabotage my career in future. I gave about a week, which is more than adequate time to help transition my responsibilities over to my coworkers, particularly as I regularly leave copious notes on every file and I've worked hard to train people to back me up on my other responsibilities).
If this were less of a toxic hellhole, I'd probably feel more generous in how much notice I'd be willing to give.
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@maureenmce I agree about everything you said. I have cute videos of my DD and my dog but they’re not anything like what you described. They’re her laughing at him, them sharing toys, him licking her. I know he’s an animal and that he’s way gentler with her but there’s always a risk and I don’t leave them alone together.
My UO is I am excited for fall and I want it to stop being so hot. Lol
@maureenmce I completely agree! My dogs love my son, but they are dogs. Especially drives me crazy, when you see a newborn baby propped up on a dog. What if the doorbell rings, the mail comes, or a squirrel runs past the window?
@agk2015 I agree that it is a double standard. How did it go with your boss when you told her?
Do you really think telling a doctor “I don’t want that” as your baby is in distress is a good idea?
I wanted to do delayed cord cutting but in the middle of a terrible delivery my OB says “Dad get ready you have five seconds to cut the cord” and handed him scissors. There was a nurse with scissors behind my husband if he wasn’t fast enough. He did it without hesitation but DD was swiftly pulled away and they started working on her. I dont really remember all the details because I was going down at the same time. Just grateful to have a good team that put a new mom’s grand ideas on the back burner. After everyone was fine my OB did say I could try my plans next time. There were other things about my plan that I wasn’t able to do, this was just the big one. I think it is more annoying that I spent the time to make a plan for something I really had no idea about! Lol
My birth "plan" last time and this time is this:
-get to hospital
-get drugs
-get baby out alive
-stay alive
And I’m saying this as someone whose son was cut from her early because he wasn’t breathing and had to be taken away to be resuscitated. This time I have high hopes that everything will go well and so I’m bringing my birth preference sheet again
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
I agree your doctor, Midwife and spouse should know that your preferences but if medical intervention is needed, the birth plan should be the last thing a mom needs to worry about.
If not, I think they are ridiculous. No offence to those who want a push gift, but I think it makes the whole pregnancy/birth a cheap service that the woman provides. I am not having a baby because I want a gift. The baby is my gift, LOL.
However with my most recent job, I was working weekends and my morning sickness was out of control, and just so I wouldn't be the unreliable person and call in a lot, I gave a two week notice, and he asked me if I would like him to just not put me on the schedule (but I would still be leaving on good terms). I was like...yes please! Some employers are great and it's worth giving back. But not all of them.
@LLynde5 I actually super agree with you. And I am sure some people can get angry about that. But people who have super extensive "my way ONLY" plans for their labor erk me. My doctor put it well with my first pregnancy. I asked her what she thought about birth plans, and she said, for a first time mom, it's best to not have a crazy birth plan because you don't know what your body will do. Anything can happen and literally the most important thing is making sure you and your baby are safe. And you have to be able to trust your doctor with that. Now, I had some things I wanted. Basically just immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding. Neither one of those happened for my pregnancy due to complications and I didn't see or hold my son for 3 hours. But, all turned out well. He ate wonderfully and we bonded quickly. We were both healthy.
@ab_canada Wait, what's "push gift"? I am not sure if I have heard of that. lol
Met: 2005 | Started Dating: 2009 | Married: 2013
Surprise Pregnancy #3; BFP: 01.11.2020; Due Date: September 19, 2021
I'm 50/50, neither for nor against them. I totally agree with @hkom that being an awesome partner is more important than a gift. I haven't brought it up to DH though, mostly because he got a really good bonus earlier this year and we've been treating ourselves. Seems a bit too greedy (for me) to ask for a push present when I put on my expensive new shoes to drive my new car with my new phone in my pocket. I'm nearly maxed out on new things this year, but I'm most excited for this new baby
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
I'm not saying I want a bracelet or anything, lol, and I have chosen to have kids and go through all the assorted stuff that goes with that, but long story short, it has been a challenging period of my life! And the vast majority of the things I have gone through (and will continue to go through until I am done having children) are things that my husband literally can't experience and often can't even help with. And though personally I think supportive behavior and effort that husbands puts in (letting their partners rest as much as possible, doing little nice things for when we don't feel well, cooking and cleaning and taking as much of a load off of the pregnant/postpartum woman as possible) is much more important and better than a gift, I think the concept of also thanking your wife for enduring everything that comes with bringing a child into this world is...actually kind of a nice idea?
I think it gets a bad rap because it has a dumb name, which makes it sound infantilizing and materialistic!
I think my issue with push presents is that everyone I know who has gotten one basically berated their SO into getting it. I feel like, if my husband wants to get me a gift to thank me for carrying and giving birth to our child, it should be something he does on his own. Plus, I would rather have his verbal praise, thanks, and admiration, in addition to his help and support, than a one time gift. (Not that you can’t have all of that plus the gift).
@AGK2015 Remind me, I don't know if I've seen it elsewhere - are you moving to a new job or taking time off at home?
I'm like 95% sure I'm going to stay home after the baby is born and want to take 4 weeks before birth to just prep and rest. I'm talking with my boss next Tuesday (which I'm terrified about since she doesn't react well to things) just to talk about all the options and how flexible she'd be with maternity leave and coming back part-time/work from home. If all things went amazingly and she was super on board with whatever I needed... that's the 5% where I might not stay home. I don't think she's going to be like that though.
So, I'm torn between giving less notice or giving a ton of notice and helping to hire/train my replacement. I don't love the work culture, but all my colleagues are awesome. And we have no admins, associates or other staff at my level. Everyone else are VPs! So.... if I didn't give much notice, I'd definitely be leaving them in a hole. And I'd probably feel terrible. I imagine that 3 months notice would be appropriate in my case to help hire and train someone, especially if I want to be done 1 month out.
Re: push presents - I think they are silly as a present for giving birth. BUT I love presents, and wouldn't say no to something.
but I’d H showed up with a gift I would never turn it down
Honestly I think the best gift I could get from h (or anyone really) is a gift card to get my hair done or a pedicure / manicure or massage or something.
Somehing that would say “you’re a trooper. Take some time for yourself and go enjoy a couple hours to be you”
i know they should do it anyway but mom guilt is real and you won’t feel like leaving a gentle push to do so would be nice.
I would never ask for one but feel like DH got me something last time and i cant remember.
So I just had to ask if my husband got me one last time. Lol. He feels like he did get me something but we can’t remember. He said “do you want one this time?” Um no, if we can’t remember what it was last time, it’s obviously not necessary. He wouldn’t buy jewelry because I never wear my good stuff.
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018