I'll preface this with a TW, talks about negative side of unmedicated birth, if you're considering it. I'd hate for my individual experience to scare somebody. I just want to know if anyone else experienced what I did.
I gave birth to my second child unmedicated about a year ago. Im still processing it emotionally. I feel dumb and ridiculous for saying I was "traumatized" by it, because nothing was wrong. Medically we were both fine. No near death experiences or anything. I had a supportive husband and was in a hospital with a wonderful medical team. I chose to go unmedicated. It was my choice (after a bad experience with an epidural for my first) and I prepared for it for months.
I labored for 2 days at home and was fine. I was lucky my water didn't break till the end and it made the pain bearable. I got to the hospital at 8 cm and still felt happy, excited, like I could do this. Then my water broke and it felt like a switch went off in me. Not only did the pain intensify but an intense, primal fear came over me. Even though I mentally knew I was fine, and I had plenty of help, I couldn't shake this awful fear. I went into an alternate state of mind and I felt like I had no control. I jumped up on the bed screaming, panicking. By the time my water broke it was time to push. I was screaming, and they were telling me not to. Within a half hour my baby was out. And he was completely fine.
I had nightmares about the pain and the fear, I would wake up with postpartum contractions and feel panic, thinking I was in labor again. I still feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it, and although I've always wanted 3 kids, I don't want to do it again. What if it happens too fast and I don't get an epidural in time. What if an epidural doesn't work. I don't want to risk it.
I was lucky, we were both fine, my water stayed intact till the end, I was only in severe pain for about 30 minutes. I feel like a wimp to complain when people literally die or lose their babies. I don't know why I feel so freaked out by it. I'm wondering if anyone else who had a healthy, medically normal unmediated birth felt the same or if I'm just crazy. Ive wanted to talk to someone about it for a while but I'm afraid of either coming off insensitive because others have it worse, or scaring my friends who don't have kids yet. I feel like this is "taboo" in natural birth forums, it's supposed to be "beautiful"
If you read this whole thing, thank you, sincerely. If anyone has any thoughts or experiences to share, I would greatly appreciate it
Me: 26 DH: 27 Married 6-15-13 DS born 4-9-15 Septate Uterus BFP 10/12/16--EDD 6/24/17