@Aurora1973 "Life throws a lot of shit at you, and rather than wallow in how unfair it all is, acceptance is the way for me. What I like about this approach is that acceptance is not forgiveness or forgetting; it's not pretending that it's OK, just acknowledging that it just is."
I hope someday that I can think this way about several things, and knowing that you do, gives me some hope. "If it doesn't happen for you, your life is still rich and full because you make it so."--very very wise words. Thank you I wish you well as you go forward and move on.
@emmasemm I hope the uti clears up for you soon. Those things suck. "the age old IF question of how much do you put your life on hold"--yes, I get that so much. It's good you can take some self care days off of work. Is it feasible to take a break from work for awhile or would that just drive you crazy?
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
@emmasemm I was in a similar position over 2 years ago. I ultimately decided to take the best job offer even though that meant putting IVF on hold for what turned out to be about a year, despite having an offer that would have allowed me to continue on with treatments with no break. My logic was that if I ended up CFNBC then at least I wouldn't feel like my dream career was something else that IF robbed me of. It is a really sucky position to be in.
@Aurora1973 I'm so sorry things didn't work out and I wish you all the best as you move forward
@Aurora1973 I've been waiting to see where your post lands this week, and I'm sorry to see it landing here at the same time that I know you're going to be just fine. I'm going to freaking miss you. You've been so supportive, so snarky, so funny, clear in your goals and treatment path from the beginning with a kick ass attitude, and really a true IF warrior all along. I see that I'm not the only one that has looked up to you through this journey. I'm picturing a beautiful and happy life in your future with some incredible adventures. Know that you've made a positive impact on all of us here. PM me any time.
@nitnat007 Sounds like you are moving right along with all the testing. I hope the upcoming procedures continue to give you good news.
@rallykat14 I really hope they get the hysteroscopy machine fixed soon. I have no knowledge of what actually makes up a machine like that, but I imagine they require some special parts for repair.
@lulu1180 I'm guessing the FET will be in November or December, assuming there are no further delays as we continue our testing cycles. I hope your IUI goes well next week!
@Avrilmai The RE confirmed that it will take about a week to get the biopsy results, so we'll see. Coping for me has gotten easier/harder in different ways over time. I just focus on the small milestones along the way and make a calendar for myself. Checking off my meds every day makes me feel like I did that one thing for the day to get me to the next step.
@Aurora1973 I know that feeling of wanting to know that you tried everything before being able to move in a new direction. Your words were so beautiful, although I know there's a lot of pain behind being at this place right now. None of us on this thread had this moment of our lives go as we expected. My heart is just full of emotion reading through your wisdom and positive outlook. You will be very missed on this thread and I know I will continue to think of you often.
@purplg8r Sounds like a good protocol. Mine was very similar with my previous RE, although my current RE prefers the patches to the oral Estrace.
@emmasemm I was trying to explain to a dear friend how this whole process makes us put our lives on hold in so many ways. It sounds like you have some exciting job offers, but gosh, it's so hard to think ahead about all the possible outcomes of treatment. I wish you all the best in deciding what will be the best fit for you.
AFM I had my biopsy today. WOOF. The RE said I had "extreme cervical resistance." She couldn't get in with just the speculum, so I think she had to use some medical pliers to pry me open or something. She did the best that she could to warn me that it was going to hurt, but I'm not sure I could have prepared myself for that. Now I just wait for the results and start with the BC with my next cycle. She was able to estimate that my ERA will be mid/late September, so that's pretty much on track with what I figured. I'm going to take it easy for the rest of the day while my poor cervix stops being upset.
Me: 35 DH: 28 TTC since June 2016 Azoospermia diagnosis (zero count) Dec 2016 AZFc chromosome microdeletion discovery March 2017 Unsuccessful TESE for DH in August 2017 October 2017 IVF with donor sperm
29R, 24M, 16F, 2d5, 4d6 (6 embryos total) Only 3 could have PGS. 2/3 normal. 5 embies frozen 12/15/17 FET #1 (1 embryo)--CP 2/7/17 FET #2 (2 embryos)--BFN Chronic endometritis diagnosis May 2018
ERA Sept 2018--borderline receptive--12 more hours of progesterone Abnormal SIS Oct 2018 Repeat hysteroscopy Nov 1. Treated recurring endometritis. 12/4/18 FET #3 (2 embryos)--BFN Our journey has come to an end.
@AlohaKumu the term "medical pliers" just made my stomach turn. OMG. You're a fucking badass.
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Hey guys! I have been gone for quite a while but wanted to get back into this thread.. hopefully its ok??? I have been through lot these last few months. Lots of testing and lots of tears .
Diagnosis (if you've been): AMA, Extremely low AMH .03 and found out my fiance has Azoospermia which I'm at a loss because TW he has a 9 year old daughter , Lindsey END TW. Deep down I think he may have gotten a vasectomy but he is being very standoffish about it and I dont know what to do.
Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO
What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Trying on our own idk why
How are things going?: Things have been awful. After getting my results back from the RE with extremely low AMH and high FSH THEN to find out my fiance had ZERO sperm was like a punch to the gut. I still think he may have had a vasectomy at some point as from the research I've done! He even went to his own urologist for the semen analysis... something is fishy here. it just doesn't fit! I dont know what to do here. Maybe move on to donors? or potentially domestic adoption? Its been really rough with absolutely no one to speak to about this. I have an appointment with the RE coming up and will run my concern by her but I have a feeling shes going to tell me its a lost cause.
Any questions?: Are there any other azoo girls out there whose SO/DH have had a TW child end TW.
GTKY: Share something that made you smile recently (story, picture, gif, meme, video, etc) I'll have to get back to this
@Aurora1973 I cried reading your post. I’m sad that this day is here. I remember when the vial stash was full but then when it started to get lower I would feel sad so I can only imagine what it must have been like for you. I’m glad to hear you say you’re at a place of acceptance. Something that’s always helped me and how I explain it to my clients is like this... non-acceptance= pain + suffering acceptance= pain + moving forward Just because we accept something doesn’t mean the pain goes away but it decreases our suffering and helps us to move forward in life instead of feeling stuck and in suffering. I hope your path moving forward is full of joy and lots of great things. I love how you explained the silver lining of all the children your surrounded by. Of course I’ll always hold onto hope for your miracle but i pray that however things go that you have peace and happiness. I’m gonna really miss you here. But know you are always always welcome in whatever capacity you please. Sending you so many hugs
@AlohaKumu Yes that pain is excruciating. I at least got some ativan beforehand. I hope you have been able to rest and relax after that. When do you expect the results?
@auntieleelee78 Gosh I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult that is. Have you point blank asked him if he has had a vasectomy or is there something going on that makes you feel like you cannot trust him so you don't want to play all of your cards? I don't have any advice but wanted to send you some hugs.
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
@auntieleelee78 That must be very tough for you emotionally to even have to contemplate. I mean this gently and kindly as possible, but remember how easy it is to go down the
Google rabbit hole and assume the worst. Perhaps he hasn't had a
vasectomy and something else is truly going on to cause that particular condition. Have you asked him outright if he's had a vasectomy? Will you trust him if he says no? What are the implications for the future of your relationship if you don't trust his answer, or if he says he has had a vasectomy?
I sincerely hope you're able to sort through this with as little pain and stress as possible Big hug.
@AlohaKumu You made it through the biopsy! Oof, that does not sound like fun though. Relieved for you to have passed this latest hurdle and to be moving forward... ❤
@auntieleelee78 ***TW***
<div class="Spoiler">Azoo grad here, lurking.
My H did not have any previous children when we met, and had no clue about his azoospermia until we did the first SA... and then the repeat SA... I know how devastating that DX is. I mean he has said in retrospect, he wonders if there might have been a hunch, deep down in his subconscious, because he kept saying to me, (as I was buying up a royal cloth diaper stash), not to jinx ourselves, because, "we don't even know if we <i>can</i> have kids!" Which I thought was just preposterous at the time. Turns out maybe not so wrong for him to have been worried.
So having been through it, forgive me, but I'm not sure if I have a gentle way to say this. Trust your gut. It's a very powerful tool. If you feel there is something fishy going on, you're probably right to suspect there's more going on here than meets the eye. His potentially not being forthcoming about having had a vasectomy is a very serious breach of trust, imho. There is a 1000% difference between having had a vasectomy, and possibly needing to pursue a vasectomy reversal in order to conceive, and a true clinical azoospermia diagnosis, for whatever congenital physiological / genetic reason. If he cannot get honest with you about his reproductive health, I would run - not walk - away from marrying such an individual.
I do hope you will find the answers you need, and I know my response may have come across a bit harsh, but I assure you it comes from a place of care and concern, and please, feel free to PM me if you would like. I still remember what a dark and scary place our diagnosis brought me *to at the time. Please know - whatever the reason may be, and whatever the future may hold - you are not alone. ❤</div> @Aurora1973. You have been such a light to this community from the minute you joined. While I am deeply saddened to see your journey come to an end, it is truly beautiful how you have been able to process your grief and begin to heal. I know the boards will miss you... ❤
TTC #1 since September 2014 Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI
(count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low
progesterone Check out my Infertility blog Check out my Infertility Instagram
Loss History (TW):
BFP: 3 May 2015, loss confirmed 4 June 2015 BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015 BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015 BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018 BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
TTC History (TW):
3 losses in 2015 Met with OBGYN in January 2016 Me: all clear, H: OAT November 2016: HSG = All
Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt
#1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17 December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC) Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA) FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018 May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus" FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo. BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019 Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two! Lost Baby A 02 July 2018 Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018 Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
Next Up:
TTC Naturally, possibly IUIs for remainder of 2018. ER#2 ~Jan 2019
@suzycupcake@BusinessWife@Swiftlet Thank you all so much for your words. Honestly I didnt ask him right out because in the back of my mind I think I may Know the answer is yes and maybe he’s just too scared to tell me? His daughter is 100% his, looks just like him! I pretty much support the family and even went far enough as to give him the money for my engagement ring .. sorry if it sounds Pathetic but I was pushing 40, divorced once already and felt like it was the next step but he may have needed a push. Ugh and when he gave it to me... he pretty much tossed it in the counter and real snarky said “ Here , happy now?” I always Saw myself as a mom some day. I fear I may have missed my chance and now this, I may Have wasted my time. With my extremely low AMH , high FSH , and now finding out that his has no Sperm you’re probably right @BusinessWife you’re not saying anything that i haven’t already thought myself and I should run ..i fear I may me alone for the rest of my life. I knew being 40 and ttc was going to be a challenge but never in my life did I think it would come to this. Thank you all for listening. I think tonight when he gets back from fishing I’ll ask him if he did, I just Don’t see how , at this point, he can even deny it. If he admits it and is willing to talk about a reversal I may listen to what he had to say but if I feel he’s lying... well I guess I’ll have to make a decision how I want my life to be. Be taken advantage of or stand on my own and go it alone into motherhood.
I feel so sad for you @auntieleelee78. Of course, none of us know your entire story of your relationship, but based on what you've said here, I agree with business wife, run away. You deserve so much better!
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
@AlohaKumu ugh, "extreme cervical resistance" and the rest of that story just made me cringe. Virtual hugs to you for sure.
@literatureandink thank you for stopping in and your kind words, I know I needed them this week!
@50Wife Thank you, me too! And you do need an ice cream maker, we eat so much ice cream that we purchased one on sale for $20. More clutter for my house, more ice cream for my belly Good vibes to you this time around for FET.
@suzycupcake wish the meds had regulated your cycles. I have no idea if it's helpful, but reading about all the details of IVF has really made me more comfortable about jumping into it if the time comes. I also agree that trusting the clinic has given me a lot of peace of mind.
@purplg8r thanks for answering about femara, headaches are definitely happening here. Sounds like you have a good plan with your Dr for IVF!
@nitnat007 the HSG is a neat test, hope your tubes look good on that one too.
@rallykat14 hope you can get in for that hysteroscopy soon, I can't believe the machine's still broken?!
@lulu1180 IUI is really much easier than I ever thought it would be, though I had hoped that you wouldn't have to get here. And those memes were PERFECT, thank you!!
@Avrilmai sending so many good vibes for your round of IVF. I'm not religious but am very spiritual and am able to feel more in control of the situation when I focus less on my body and more on my mind and spirit. If that makes any sense? For me, focusing too much on exercise, diet, and supplements would make me feel that I had failed at TTC for not taking this vitamin, or getting too much or too little exercise, etc. So backing off that stuff and saying that it was all in the hands of my Drs (once I started seeing an RE) actually made it easier. Instead I focus on my spirituality as well as try to be my own therapist--though I'm sure seeing one in real life would be good too, lol.
@Aurora1973 I really liked your self care suggestions for @KristoKekerooni. I am so so sorry that you are where you are. But thank you for sharing your journey and your process, it meant so much to me and I think most of us can see ourselves there.
@emmasemm sounds like some very difficult decisions surrounding the job offer, I also hate not knowing the timeline ahead. When I have declined job offers for IF reasons, I have always regretted it later, but that's because we still haven't conceived.
The Femara certainly made for a rough week of headaches and rides on the emotional rollercoaster. We have begun reaching out to our lesbian friends with babies, asking how they conceived, and most of them just magically ovulate at regular intervals, have decent luteal phases, and are able to get their known donors up for two rounds around their ovulation. And conceive within a year. The rage I feel towards them and the universe seems to take over my life. Where is the mysterious grace I'm supposed to carry this baggage with?
Just got prescribed progesterone this week but in suppository form, sounds fun? RE didn't say why, just included it with the rest of the meds. Guess two failed IUIs were what made her change her mind?
Found some nice and some nerdy facebook memes for you all.
Re: IF Testing & Treatment week of 7/16
I hope someday that I can think this way about several things, and knowing that you do, gives me some hope. "If it doesn't happen for you, your life is still rich and full because you make it so."--very very wise words. Thank you
@emmasemm I hope the uti clears up for you soon. Those things suck. "the age old IF question of how much do you put your life on hold"--yes, I get that so much. It's good you can take some self care days off of work. Is it feasible to take a break from work for awhile or would that just drive you crazy?
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
@Aurora1973 I'm so sorry things didn't work out and I wish you all the best as you move forward
Much love, friend.
TTC since June 2016
Azoospermia diagnosis (zero count) Dec 2016
AZFc chromosome microdeletion discovery March 2017
Unsuccessful TESE for DH in August 2017
October 2017 IVF with donor sperm
29R, 24M, 16F, 2d5, 4d6 (6 embryos total)
Only 3 could have PGS. 2/3 normal. 5 embies frozen
12/15/17 FET #1 (1 embryo)--CP
2/7/17 FET #2 (2 embryos)--BFN
Chronic endometritis diagnosis May 2018
ERA Sept 2018--borderline receptive--12 more hours of progesterone
Abnormal SIS Oct 2018
Repeat hysteroscopy Nov 1. Treated recurring endometritis.
12/4/18 FET #3 (2 embryos)--BFN
Our journey has come to an end.
@AlohaKumu ouch! You are a badass!!
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
Status (WTO/TWW/TTA): WTO
What are you doing this cycle? (Testing? Treatment?): Trying on our own idk why
How are things going?: Things have been awful. After getting my results back from the RE with extremely low AMH and high FSH THEN to find out my fiance had ZERO sperm was like a punch to the gut. I still think he may have had a vasectomy at some point as from the research I've done! He even went to his own urologist for the semen analysis... something is fishy here. it just doesn't fit! I dont know what to do here. Maybe move on to donors? or potentially domestic adoption? Its been really rough with absolutely no one to speak to about this. I have an appointment with the RE coming up and will run my concern by her but I have a feeling shes going to tell me its a lost cause.
Any questions?: Are there any other azoo girls out there whose SO/DH have had a TW child end TW.
GTKY: Share something that made you smile recently (story, picture, gif, meme, video, etc)
I'll have to get back to this
non-acceptance= pain + suffering
acceptance= pain + moving forward
Just because we accept something doesn’t mean the pain goes away but it decreases our suffering and helps us to move forward in life instead of feeling stuck and in suffering. I hope your path moving forward is full of joy and lots of great things. I love how you explained the silver lining of all the children your surrounded by. Of course I’ll always hold onto hope for your miracle but i pray that however things go that you have peace and happiness. I’m gonna really miss you here. But know you are always always welcome in whatever capacity you please. Sending you so many hugs
@auntieleelee78 Gosh I'm so sorry. I cannot imagine how difficult that is. Have you point blank asked him if he has had a vasectomy or is there something going on that makes you feel like you cannot trust him so you don't want to play all of your cards? I don't have any advice but wanted to send you some hugs.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
@auntieleelee78 ***TW***
<div class="Spoiler">Azoo grad here, lurking.
My H did not have any previous children when we met, and had no clue about his azoospermia until we did the first SA... and then the repeat SA... I know how devastating that DX is. I mean he has said in retrospect, he wonders if there might have been a hunch, deep down in his subconscious, because he kept saying to me, (as I was buying up a royal cloth diaper stash), not to jinx ourselves, because, "we don't even know if we <i>can</i> have kids!" Which I thought was just preposterous at the time. Turns out maybe not so wrong for him to have been worried.
So having been through it, forgive me, but I'm not sure if I have a gentle way to say this. Trust your gut. It's a very powerful tool. If you feel there is something fishy going on, you're probably right to suspect there's more going on here than meets the eye. His potentially not being forthcoming about having had a vasectomy is a very serious breach of trust, imho. There is a 1000% difference between having had a vasectomy, and possibly needing to pursue a vasectomy reversal in order to conceive, and a true clinical azoospermia diagnosis, for whatever congenital physiological / genetic reason. If he cannot get honest with you about his reproductive health, I would run - not walk - away from marrying such an individual.
I do hope you will find the answers you need, and I know my response may have come across a bit harsh, but I assure you it comes from a place of care and concern, and please, feel free to PM me if you would like. I still remember what a dark and scary place our diagnosis brought me *to at the time. Please know - whatever the reason may be, and whatever the future may hold - you are not alone. ❤</div>
@Aurora1973. You have been such a light to this community from the minute you joined. While I am deeply saddened to see your journey come to an end, it is truly beautiful how you have been able to process your grief and begin to heal. I know the boards will miss you... ❤
Diagnoses: RPL, Endometriosis, MFI (count, morph, DNI, DNAS, multiple bilateral subclinical varicoceles), low progesterone
Check out my Infertility blog
Check out my Infertility Instagram
BFP: 15 August 2015, loss confirmed 23 August 2015
BFP: 16 November 2015, loss confirmed 22 November 2015
BFP: 18 July 2016, loss confirmed same day
BFP: 04 March 2018, loss confirmed 23 March 2018
BFP: 12 June 2018, TWINS; D&C 06 July 2018
Met with OBGYN in January 2016
Me: all clear, H: OAT
November 2016: HSG = All Clear!
January 2017: H tested again, High DNA fragmentation and stainability
February 2017: Clomid + TI + Progesterone = BFN
March 2017: Clomid + HCG + IUI + Progesterone = SA/wash: zero count on attempt #1, <1,000 on attempt #2= BFN
Varicocele Embolization- 5 May 17
December 2017 SA: Zero improvement after embolization
January IVF- 25 retrieved, 11 mature, 8 fertilized, 3 frozen day fives (3AA, 3AA, 3AA), 1 frozen day 6 (5BB), 1 frozen day 7 (3CC)
Three PGS normal (3AA, 3AA, 5BB), one inconclusive (3AA)
FET #1: 27 February 2018, 3AA & 5BB, one stuck! BFP 04 March 2018.... Loss confirmed 23 March 2018
May 2018: SHG/SIS = all clear "beautiful uterus"
FET #2: 04 June 2018, 3AA PGS normal embryo, 3AA PGS hatching inconclusive embryo.
BFP: 12 June 2018, EDD 20 February 2019
Ultrasound, 25 June 2018: There are two!
Lost Baby A 02 July 2018
Baby B not growing, D&C 06 July 2018
Laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, chromotubation: 23 July 2018: blocked right tube, heavily inflamed, covered in endo. Removed right tube. Removed more endo from uterus, tubes, ovaries. Endo remains on bladder and bowel.
ER#2 ~Jan 2019
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
@AlohaKumu ugh, "extreme cervical resistance" and the rest of that story just made me cringe. Virtual hugs to you for sure.
@literatureandink thank you for stopping in and your kind words, I know I needed them this week!
@50Wife Thank you, me too! And you do need an ice cream maker, we eat so much ice cream that we purchased one on sale for $20. More clutter for my house, more ice cream for my belly
@suzycupcake wish the meds had regulated your cycles. I have no idea if it's helpful, but reading about all the details of IVF has really made me more comfortable about jumping into it if the time comes. I also agree that trusting the clinic has given me a lot of peace of mind.
@purplg8r thanks for answering about femara, headaches are definitely happening here. Sounds like you have a good plan with your Dr for IVF!
@nitnat007 the HSG is a neat test, hope your tubes look good on that one too.
@rallykat14 hope you can get in for that hysteroscopy soon, I can't believe the machine's still broken?!
@lulu1180 IUI is really much easier than I ever thought it would be, though I had hoped that you wouldn't have to get here. And those memes were PERFECT, thank you!!
@Avrilmai sending so many good vibes for your round of IVF. I'm not religious but am very spiritual and am able to feel more in control of the situation when I focus less on my body and more on my mind and spirit. If that makes any sense? For me, focusing too much on exercise, diet, and supplements would make me feel that I had failed at TTC for not taking this vitamin, or getting too much or too little exercise, etc. So backing off that stuff and saying that it was all in the hands of my Drs (once I started seeing an RE) actually made it easier. Instead I focus on my spirituality as well as try to be my own therapist--though I'm sure seeing one in real life would be good too, lol.
@Aurora1973 I really liked your self care suggestions for @KristoKekerooni. I am so so sorry that you are where you are. But thank you for sharing your journey and your process, it meant so much to me and I think most of us can see ourselves there.
@emmasemm sounds like some very difficult decisions surrounding the job offer, I also hate not knowing the timeline ahead. When I have declined job offers for IF reasons, I have always regretted it later, but that's because we still haven't conceived.
The Femara certainly made for a rough week of headaches and rides on the emotional rollercoaster. We have begun reaching out to our lesbian friends with babies, asking how they conceived, and most of them just magically ovulate at regular intervals, have decent luteal phases, and are able to get their known donors up for two rounds around their ovulation. And conceive within a year. The rage I feel towards them and the universe seems to take over my life. Where is the mysterious grace I'm supposed to carry this baggage with?
Just got prescribed progesterone this week but in suppository form, sounds fun? RE didn't say why, just included it with the rest of the meds. Guess two failed IUIs were what made her change her mind?
Found some nice and some nerdy facebook memes for you all.