Can't keep a secret!

mommaangie32019

Did anyone else have or are you having troubles keeping it a secret? Our initial intention was not to tell ANYONE until 8 weeks. I'll be 6 weeks on Friday, and most of our closest friends know, work knows (because I've been sick) and we told our families immediately. There are moments that I'm happy that we aren't able to keep it quiet out of pure excitement because this is our baby, its a real pregnancy, and there is no reason not to celebrate this little life, but there are also moments where I get super anxious about the fact that we've told so many people and what if something happens? I suppose this is me being relatively young and immature (not being able to wait but also worried about what people think of us). We weren't sure for a while if we could have kids, so the fact that once we were "out of the water" we got pregnant immediately, we're just amazed and can't keep it in! Tell me I'm not the only one...

meggyme

Last time we told people pretty immediately. I told our families and best friends when I as barely 4 weeks. I think we will tell our immediate families this weekend and I'll probably tell my best friends sometime this weekend too. I'm too honest of a person (and too bad at coming up with excuses) to lie to people, so if someone asks I'll probably tell them. That's how we told people last time too.

I'll probably tell work sometime after my first appointment because I work in an industrial environment and idk how long I want to be subjected to that.

JLaVO888

DH and I have all but announced it on the radio. Tons of people know. I kind of feel the same way about not caring but then being worried that I don’t care. I think everyone processes and handles the excitement differently and I would just try to stay excited or you will drive yourself nuts with worry. The cats out of the bag and there is nothing that can be done about it now. So enjoy other people being exited for you! It’s been fun getting to see others around me get to be just as excited as we are. 

chocolatelemons

I told my mom at 6 weeks last time right after I had a dating ultrasound and then my brother and sister. I didn't tell anyone else until 10 weeks when I heard the heartbeat. It was really hard to keep it a secret, but this time is a little easier for me.

Twiggster

@mommaangie32019
Im the same way. I’m still super, super early. I immediately wished I hadn’t told anyone but this morning I’m feeling ok with the decision. I’m choosing JOY over FEAR and thinking about names and all the fun stuff that comes with pregnancy. 

christac1010

@chocolatelemons I did the same thing last time and I feel the same way now. It felt impossible to keep quiet the first time - but I did. This time feels a little easier. Not that I don’t care as much but I know I’ve done it once before. 

mommaangie32019

How far along are you? I’m glad I’m not the only one. Ultimately I’m really glad that my husband is this excited. I think he might have told the UPS Delivery Man

applesandbananas23

We told parents (immediately) and grandparents (5 weeks).

I actually had to tell my mom to stop fear mongering and just be positive because she kept making annoying comments about 'just waiting for 8-12 weeks' and I am a big believer in manifesting your reality. It turns out she had the wrong idea about the chance of miscarriage and stopped when I told her the actual chances.

We are waiting to tell siblings and the rest of the family until the 8 week ultrasound but it is sooo hard because I just have 1 older sister where as DH has 3 sisters and a brother (and a BIL).

I want to tell my sister and honestly am a little worried that she will get hurt/annoyed or take it personally if she finds out that we made her wait to know - - but also I am reminding myself that this isn't about her and I can't control her feelings at all! (She had a dramatic year with a divorce, a new boyfriend and a job change so her responses have been a bit unpredictable).

Twiggster

Ladies, Just want to say that this post is such a comfort to me right now. I no longer feel cray cray for telling people. ❤️ Also for those that choose not to tell, do you!  This is your baby and it’s your decision when you tell people.

brookepdavis

I'm personally not telling anyone except my sisters for a while, but you tell everyone you want! It's completely your decision so do whatever feels comfortable for you. Celebrate! Enjoy the moment. It's always fun when you start telling people, whether it's right away, when the baby arrives, or anywhere in between!

maggiemadeit

We have only told our immediate family (6 people total), but man I want to shout it to the world! Trying to hold off until first appointment at 8 weeks, but it’s especially hard keeping it from good friends and my very large extended family, who I know will be thrilled! 

Also so very hard not telling my 2 year old. She is VERY verbal and I know she will tell the whole world, but she’s going to be so excited! She asks me for a baby sister almost every day! 

3rdtime_charmed

BFP was yesterday, i have already told 6 people... and they told people. My husband is anxious about this because we had a previous loss, but I am going to be grateful for every day I am pregnant, having starting trying almost 4 YEARS ago, and if we do have a loss, I don’t want to be alone in that either.

cflo83

So far the only people that know are my husband and my BFF who lives 3 states away. I intend to keep it a secret from as many people as I can until the 8 week scan (and even then, I will only tell a select few), but it's VERY hard at work bc one of my employees just had her 2nd baby 2 weeks ago, another is pregnant and due in October, and another coworkers wife is having their last embryo transferred next month. There are several of us in our office that were all pregnant at the same time 2 years ago, and still regularly talk about our children and pregnancy, so I feel like a sham talking about all this while carrying such a big secret. We'll see how long I last at work. Other than that, I feel confident I'll be able to keep it from the rest of my family and friends until 8 weeks, or longer. That said, if my parents were to ask me, or it came up, I'd probably tell them (but NOT the in laws). Part of me enjoys having this little secret that's just for me and my husband, and the other part of me wants to talk about it, and wants the support from at least a couple other people.

mommaangie32019

Twiggster, we sound like we have the same mindset! Spread the good news! Thanks for sharing!

navete

MH has been itching to tell people since we found out two weeks ago, but I requested we wait until after the first trimester. He's been really good at keeping mum but I'm now debating telling people sooner. I've been really emotionally detached with the pregnancy so far; perhaps telling our parents and some close friends will help make it feel more real. We have our first prenatal appointment on Monday, so we may tell a few folks after that (or maybe tell our parents before so we can confide in them should anything bad happen...)

It can be a tough decision, but as others have said on this thread, it's ultimately up to you and your partner. There is no wrong way of doing it 

hopefulmom45

I told my best friend first, right away when I got my BFP before my missed period because I felt something different.  Then I told my dad when I went to visit my best friend that same weekend, and then my cousin during that same trip.  We are only telling very close family/friends who we trust, not everyone, since I'm high risk.  I wanted to wait until 3 months to tell people after I've done all the testing to make sure the baby is OK.  I'm going in for my first prenatal next Wednesday when I'll be 6 weeks, 2 days.  The NP said she'll order blood work and an ultrasound.  I can't wait until that day comes.  It doesn't really feel real yet.  I can't let myself get too excited.

Sweetest116

This is my third baby and I'm having trouble keeping my mouth shut! So don't call your self immature... you're excited and it's totally normal. We have told our parents and a few random friends, but that's it. And I won't tell work until MUCH later. HOWEVER, I did goof up pretty bad and started following a bunch of pregnancy fit people on Instagram not knowing there's a feed that you can see all my activity on!! One of my friends called me about 12 hours after the mistake was made, I deleted all the pages... but damage done.

stephorgutz

I totally get it! I couldn't keep my mouth shut the first time, and it's not any easier this time! haha I'd say 75% of close friends and family know. I'm thinking the other 25% after my first scan at 7w on the 27th. I can wait for social media until 2nd tri but people I talk to daily or weekly....I just have to! All people who would help us through a loss anyway. It's not immaturity, everyone just has different personalities and different ways of handling big news.<3

applesandbananas23

@Sweetest116 Wait-- what?? I also followed a bunch of mom/parenting feeds and I had no clue people can see your activity - - where do I delete that? (also Instagram should tell people about that!!) 

indigoheightsblog

Oh I am right there with you!!! I am 6 weeks and 3 days and I swear I think I started telling family & friends as early as 4.5 weeks! I'm holding off on a social media post until 2nd trimester begins - mostly because I run a life + style blog.... I don't need 18K+ people knowing something so personal just yet, but my motto has been "if I see you in person, i tell you." This way I don't have to try and make up lies as to why I'm not drinking - and as someone mentioned above - god forbid we DID have a loss, doing it this way means I'll have a support system too. To each his own! But this is my first and I have found it to be VERY difficult to keep it a secret. I've basically given up. LOL! 

novelblessings

Last time it was kind of fun and easier to hide. I didn’t see anyone much for those first 12 weeks. This time I keep forgetting that we aren’t telling people yet because we keep seeing family and hanging out with people. I’ve almost slipped a few times. Couple more weeks and I can tell!!!

Allycat11

I feel like this is such a personal choice and you should do what works for you! 

*TW loss mentioned* 
This is pregnancy #5 for me with 2 living kids. Many peole avoid telling others too early in case of miscarriage. It is tough to tell people you lost a baby but man it is tough going through it alone too...we've had losses both ways. 

I am 6w3d and all parents and siblings know and some of our close friends do too. Friday night is wine night with my girlfriends and it will be impossible to hide if I go...so I am on the fence about that. But those women are my biggest support system, we laugh and cry together, they know my history with ttc and losses so it almost helps for them to know. Off topic but if anyone wants an idea for girls night after babiea are here...for wine night each person brings a bottle of wine in a brown paper bag and places it on the porch in the red bin or white bin. We then snack and blind taste test each wine as a group. We vote on best red, best white and best label...winners get prizes. IMO we are all winners because we had a kid and hubby free night with wine, snacks and good company!

ashley14598

Where is everyone at on the subject of telling others?

We have told my in-laws (mother, father, and 2 sisters), my mom, and 2 close friends (one that is also pregnant). We want to tell my siblings but we haven’t seen them. We plan to tell them on August 12 my mom is having a big get together at her house and we plan to tell them then along with most of my
aunts/uncles/cousins on my moms side (I’ll be 10 weeks). I go back to work on Aug 8 so I’ll probably tell my bosses that day because of doctors appointments & getting sick. 

brookepdavis

@ashley14598 We told immediate family over the weekend. We were going to wait a few more weeks due to a history of loss, but spur of the moment decided to tell them. We don't get the whole family together often so we figured we should just tell them in person since I'm not sure when we will see them all next. I'm a little nervous now that so many people know and I'm only 9.5 weeks, but oh well, that ship has sailed. We're not planning on telling anyone else until after 12 weeks when we know the sex. I'm not sure it will even feel real to me until then. I need to hear that heartbeat one more time at my 12 week appointment to be sure.

indigoheightsblog

@ashley14598 this is our first baby so it’s a combo of being overly excited and also knowing that we don’t want to go through a potential loss alone...... but nearly all our friends and family know and i’m 8.5 weeks. short of posting on social media, our motto has been: “if we see you in person we tell you.” - it’s a personal choice, but i’d prefer not to have to fake drink and I know that struggles with TTC are things I’d want to actually talk about god forbid we have to. 

southerngirlinwi

@ashley14598 We haven't told anyone, not even family yet. I am 8w today and don't have my first appointment for another 1.5 weeks. Since my first pregnancy ended in a loss, we have decided to just keep it to ourselves this time. We live far from family, so it is fairly easy. I know that a lot of people tell family for support; but for now, this is something MH and I have decided to do just as a couple.

treetop19

I planned on keeping the secret until at least my 10 week appointment.. but the cat was out of the bag to MIL shortly after my BFP because she brought wine, which I had to say no to (and I never say no to wine).  And.. then the rest of the family and friends followed, hearing the news shortly after.  lol.  *TW* - I had a previous loss at 8 weeks, so everyone knowing this soon is kind of scary, but at the same time, I'd like the support of family and friends if, heaven forbid, a loss happens again.

I don't plan on telling my work colleagues until the 2nd trimester.  I work in a office of very judge-y women, and I've seen how cruel they were to one woman who announced early, then suffered a loss.  A lot of very cruel comments.  So I prefer not to put myself through that.

catlady2015

We haven't told anyone really. My BFF knows, as does my trainer. Everyone else is waiting until after the first ultrasound at the very earliest (*TW - we had a loss in May so I'm super cautious *end TW). Once I see the bean, I think i'll feel better about telling people. But I didn't tell people the first time around, either, so I'm really just one of those people who keeps it in. 

But I think I'll have to tell my boss before too much longer. I've been feeling so sick I think she probably needs to know soon so she can understand/make accommodations to my schedule. I work at home so my schedule can be flexible, but I like to give her a heads-up so she knows I'm not being super flakey. 

mayoduck

I'm 9 weeks and only my husband knows. It's been so hard to keep a secret, especially during wedding season and all our friends are social drinkers. This is my first pregnancy and looking back, I would probably tell our parents sooner but we really want to tell them in person since this is their first grandchild and mine are out of state. We will finally be up to visit and tell them next weekend and I can't wait to have others know! But we're still waiting.

lelkcot

With our first we told family super early (we were really excited and my sister and I were due just a few days apart). This time, due to a history of loss since DS, we aren’t telling anyone until after are first appointment at 9 weeks. Depending on how that goes, I may be ok with telling family after that. We’ll see though, I may still decide not to share with anyone until after the NT at 12 weeks. (DH would probably prefer to share now, I’m just too scared) 

laur84ns

We are in the cautious camp of waiting until the end of the first trimester. 
It was easy to do with my DD because we lived pretty far from both of our families. 
Its not as easy this time, since we've moved close to DH's family, but we are determined to wait until after our 12 week ultrasound. 
I've been doing a bit of fake drinking; I survived the July long weekend family cottage trip without suspicion and I'll have to survive one more this weekend! I'm nearly 9 weeks, so not much longer (my us is scheduled for August 20). 
*TW - we had a loss late last year around 7 weeks and I would have been horrified if on top of my devastation I also had to let everyone know about the loss. I was very happy that I hadn't told anyone yet - end TW*

lovesclimbing

We told our parents around 7 weeks. We were with my in-laws, and with how sick I was feeling, I was expecting to puke and they'd know. We "told our siblings" just before nine weeks. And by that I mean I called all of mine, and so far, H has only "called" one of his. And by "called," I mean his mom was on the phone with his brother and just handed H the phone. And H still didn't pick up on it, and almost hung up after chatting for a few minutes before I said, "dude, tell him we're having another baby!" 

My H is just bad at communication. It's not that he dislikes them or has a bad relationship with them, he just doesn't call them much. I keep telling him to hurry up and call the rest and call his grandparents, and he still hasn't five or six days later. And I've told him that I won't do it for him (which he already jokingly/seriously asked me to do). I have good relationships with all his siblings, but I told him I'm not his social secretary, and I won't maintain his relationships for him.

Bonnesetter27

I am having a hard time but I just keep thinking that is my h's and my little secret. It's also the last time we will get to have this secret (our third and final baby). That helps a little.

Morningstar80

I live a continent away from my family and 20 minutes from my inlaws. With my 1st pregnancy we told my mom via Facetime as soon as I had my first beta but made her keep the secret. I didn´t tell my inlaws or my father/brothers until the 2nd trimester. This time around only my BFF and friend who recommended my amazing fertility doctor know (and MH of course). We fly to the States on Sat. to see my family and made a Promoted to Big Brother March 2019 tshirt for my DS for when they pick us up at the airport. It feels a little soon to me because I´m cautious but I can´t resist seeing their faces when we share the news. We live close to my inlaws but my MIL is an incredibly annoying worrier/stresscase and if we tell her now she won´t let me get on the plane and my SIL can´t keep her mouth shut. So we´ll wait until the NT at 12 weeks.

mamakate1616

We have told my SIL and her husband (they were our maid of honor/bestman in our wedding and we are all really close) and reluctantly my MiL/FIL. I would have preferred not to tell her but we live next door and she watches our daughter for us, she is extremely nosy and anytime we go anywhere she asks where we are headed (can’t tell how many times she has poked her head out of her house after the car starts). It was too hard to come up with excuses for all the doctor appointments. We told them we didn’t want anyone else to know yet and within a couple days she had told the sister, probably both of them but we haven’t talked to the other one yet to find out. 

valentynsi

This is my first, and I'll be 40 in a month... I never thought I would want kids. My SO has never had kids and he's 44... So this is a huge deal for us. I have told everyone I can think of practically. I tell random people all the time. One of my friends I think judges me a little for it but whatever. It's super exciting and I'm happy. We haven't told his family yet ONLY because they live half way across the country and we won't be able to go see them until around Christmas. So I've had to keep quiet on social media and make sure everyone I know does as well. I also set my security setting so high that nobody can post on my feed or tag me anything. Just in case someone forget (my mom) and decides to post something. And since nobody I know is friends on social me die with anyone he knows, it works out well.
I just feel like it's up to me to tell or not tell and dammit I want to tell the world! 

novelblessings

We have told DD, our parents and siblings, and that’s about it. Not that I care who knows but this is our 2nd and it’s not as big of a deal. Plus, my SIL is pregnant with her first so everyone is so focused on her. Takes the pressure off me this time because we had the 1st grandbaby for both sides. 

southerngirlinwi

@novelblessings we are going to have the first grandchild on both sides as well. I certainly feel the pressure. So far, it is just MH and my secret, but once the cat is out of the bag, I think it will get a little crazy.

babya422

We can’t stop telling people! We’ve told our parents, grandparents, siblings, some cousins, friends. My husbands even told some of his coworkers. I was feeling crazy too for want to tell everyone! But we are putting the positive vibes out there and getting them back in return, so it’s all really exciting. 

heatherv89

9 weeks tomorrow. I went for my first sonogram on Monday. We were planning to tell more people after that but then we found out it was Twins. Granted they're both beautiful healthy measuring great and strong heartbeats it just threw us for such a loop. A Twin pregnancy is making me a little bit nervous so I'd like to see the doctor and hear their heart beats one more time before I make the big announcement. Though I did tell to my 2closest co-workers which has made work more bearable. My mother-in-law and my best friend have also known since the day I found out since there are biggest support system. I'm really ready for this anxiety to subside and to start celebrating with everyone.

bdesterhouse

Everyone knew right away with all my previous pregnancies. My due date this time is the day after my moms birthday so we are keeping it a secret for as long as humanly possible. I’m a bigger girl from all my pregnancies (tw- 3 losses) and depression that came after them, so I’m hoping they just think I’m putting on more weight or hopefully I stay the same weight as long as possible. 

I dont think  they’d be mad if we didn’t tell and baby was born healthy. My mom loves surprises and I can’t think of a better 55th birthday surprise than meeting a new grand baby that’s been prayed for, for years.