Ask Me Anything thread!

BitterBetty12

I know this has been discussed pretty extensively already but @rooonilwaazlib I second @katethemom with all of her sentiments about book instead of a card. I did it for my shower with DD and almost every one I know has done it since then. I only got a few duplicates and in some cases they weren't signed so I donated them or just kept two copies. People did an amazing job picking sentimental books and writing really heartfelt notes in them. I read the notes every time I open a book I haven't read to her in a while, and I think it will be really fun for DD down the road to read the notes as well! If you're worried about it being gift grabby, I like @galactickates idea of saying that it's optional!

galactickates

I basically only feel like events are gift grabby if I don't like the person. If its for someone I care about I'll spend or do whatever is asked of me. 

BitterBetty12

galactickates said:

I basically only feel like events are gift grabby if I don't like the person. If its for someone I care about I'll spend or do whatever is asked of me. 

HAHA! Yup. I feel the same way. BFFs baby shower? Can't even tell you how much I spent. I started collecting things when she found out the gender at 14 weeks. SILs shower for her twins? "I can't believe I have to spend xx, ugh".

sweetyjenj

I never see showers or birthday parties as gift grabby. There have been a few times that I've thought, "ugh now I have to spend more money.." but showers and birthday parties are a part of our culture and it's so common that I've never thought the person was purposely throwing a shower just to be gift grabby. (By the way, my brothers future wife is from a different culture where they don't do showers. She had a blast, but her parents and sisters were clueless what to do and were so confused about the games haha they had fun, too, though)

AliKay20

Guests brought books to my shower but since it was in lieu of cards, I did get a lot of books that had notes written like one would do when they give you a card! I couldn’t return all of them but I did return a few due to duplicates.

Prepare to get a lot of “Goodnight Moon” books - big and small. Vary in sizes. 

My question: Anyone heard of tummy shield seatbelt?! I am sooo over car rides lately bc I feel like the belt cuts through my bump. I almost feel like I’m suffocating but that could be half mental half reality. Idk. I hate car seats right now. And my butt hurts even for short trips. Should I invest in one?! Or something similar like it? Ahhh

AliKay20

^ lol did I really say carseats?! Wow. I meant car rides or seatbelts. One of the two. 

bradleysmommy28

I threw a shower for my cousin that was storybook themed because she didn't have a theme for her nursery or anything.  I did the book instead of a card but her shower was super duper small so me, my mom, her MIL and SIL actually went through our own book collections and wrote various messages to the baby and her in them then used them as decoration (stack of books with flowers on them for center pieces, sitting on tables here and there, etc).  She now has quite the library.  Also, something to keep in mind - each year for DS's birthday, I pick a book that I love and fits his personality and I put it on the cake table and ask everyone to sign it.  I LOVE reading him books from his 1st and 2nd birthday and sharing messages to him.  It's special to see ones from relatives that have passed

galactickates

STM+ did you go to birthing classes? If w
You did which one did you find the most helpful?  If you didn't,  did you wish you had? Or were you fine?

kmvisioli

galactickates said:

STM+ did you go to birthing classes? If w
You did which one did you find the most helpful?  If you didn't,  did you wish you had? Or were you fine?

I don't remember which thread this got discussed in, but I did Bradley Method with DS1 and a refresher class for DS2&3. We really liked the course and found it to be helpful in knowing what to expect, coping tools, how to advocate at the hospital, and even tools for pain management towards the end of pregnancy. DH felt like it educated and empowered him a lot, and he even suggests that class to his first time dad friends.

galactickates

Oh I didn't remember this being talked about! Sorry! Thanks for the info, my H thinks it's unnecessary, I think it is necessary so I wanted to figure out how many people actually took classes

kns1988

@galactickates, we went to Lamaze, and I did find it really helpful. DH liked it a lot because it was a way for him to feel like he was involved and like he had a job during the birth. The tips actually came in handy because he knew how best to support me. My only caveat is to be confident in your choices when it comes to meds or no meds. We had an instructor who was very obviously anti-med, and I could see that turning people off. 

kns1988

STM+ What did you find harder: going from 0 to 1 kid or going from 1 kid to 2 kids? Just curious. 

kmvisioli

kns1988 said:

STM+ What did you find harder: going from 0 to 1 kid or going from 1 kid to 2 kids? Just curious. 

I found the first baby to be pretty easy, but I think we were fortunate to have a sweet baby (aside from a really rough start breastfeeding). It was also a lot of mindset in my opinion; we were determined to be the kind of people who still got out and saw our friends and traveled, etc, so we still did all of those things from early on. Can't speak to the 1 to 2 transition because we went from 1 to 3, which was HARD.

tosh24

@galactickates with our first we did a class run by a L&D nurse. I don't know that I got a ton out of it since I was around babies and BFing my entire childhood and i'm a biologist so the anatomical/biological part was not new to me, but it was worth every cent for DH who also wasn't sure it was necessary. This class covered pregnancy, L&D, postpartum healing and mental health, BFing, diapering, bathing, sleeping, troubleshooting and resources, etc. so it was really good for DH to see what having a baby actually involves and how his support would be required tenfold once the actual giving birh part was over. I highly recommend taking a good, comprehensive class if only for DH's sake. With our second, we did private hypnobirthing classes with our doula which were amazing.

pttomato

I took a natural birth class and then was induced and it was not useful at all. Particularly since one of the big things natural birth information generally emphasizes is “don’t be induced.” 

molosmiles

I took a class with DD1. My ex worked out of town so I went with my mom and I found it helpful, but not life changing. DD2, we did not take a class. I didn't feel that I needed one and SO didn't find it necessary. We were just fine without it. But I don't think it can hurt to take a class.

The transition to 1 was harder for me because it was a complete lifestyle change and I unexpectedly became a single mother. But my transition to 2 was a big gap and I think that made it easier. I'm nervous for the two so close in age.

kmos816

We took a class before DD was born, not sure we will take one again- it was very helpful and helped eased some anxiety. It was a birthing class and breastfeeding class combined with some newborn care- my H never changed a diaper or held a baby before DD so he also found it helpful.

kmvisioli

I want to add that our Bradley coach was also a certified doula, and she gave a lot of helpful information and tips pertaining to c-section when I was expecting twins since she knew we were more likely going to end up on that side of things. Might not be standard for the Bradley class, but would be good to ask.

mtengl

For those who did take classs, how far along were you when you took them?

kmos816

mtengl said:

For those who did take classs, how far along were you when you took them?

@mtengl I think I was around 30-34 weeks

jandd2014

@mtengl I started mine at 27 weeks (they were once a week for four weeks) but that was only because I was at high risk of pre-term labor. Originally we were supposed to take them from 34-37 weeks. 

@galactickates we took the childbirth/nurturing your newborn class taught through our hospital. The lady that taught it was a certified doula and was definitely "all natural" geared, but she did talk about the options the hospital offered for pain management. The only thing that turned me off a little bit was that she wouldn't really answer my questions about pumping and bottle feeding for when I returned to work. Maybe because she wasn't a lactation consultant? I genuinely had no idea what I was doing the first time I hooked my boobs to the pump. I recommend taking some kind of class, mainly because in our case, DH had NO experience with babies, so then it wasn't me telling him what to do for everything, he could remember things from our classes on his own. 

nononorman

I took breastfeeding and we took infant cpr. Nothing else and didn’t feel it was needed - for two people w ZERO baby experience. Sometimes I think it gives you expectations that may/may not happen. I have a friend who took more classes and she felt they gave her unrealistic expectations- ie “never be induced” or things like that when you might get to that point and ... things happen. Maybe you’ll be more encouraged to advocate for yourself but the whole process is tough even if you’ve been there Bc it’s different every time. I know how the last one went but who knows on round two. I tried to just read a lot and not develop expectations. 

hollye30

We took a comprehensive class offered by public health.  They covered a lot but not very in depth on anything.  We won't take a class this time but if we could do it over we would find a class that offered more about taking care of the baby once home (holding, bathing, dressing etc) as DH had never even held a baby before. 

I wouldn't wait too long before taking a class ours was offered over 6 weeks and we had people that missed the last few as they had their babies already.

Ours was on a weeknight and we would go straight there from work so we made a ritual of going out for a nice dinner after and we would discuss the class that week and other baby related things such as names, what we still needed etc. 

sweetyjenj

I can't speak to the transition from 1-2 kids (yet), but going from 0-1 was hard for us. We were married for almost 10 years without kids and are usually very spontaneous with date nights and going out and doing things. We were used to going on walks when we wanted, running to the store when we wanted, watching a movie when we wanted, binge watching Netflix all Saturday if we wanted, sleeping in if we wanted. After 10 years of that, then transitioning to thinking like parents and having to cater to nap time, bedtime, meal time, etc...it was rough. I can say that after about 3-4 months, it was much easier. I still CAN'T WAIT until we're out of nap time stage, though, bc then we'll have more freedom on the weekends. I'm thinking going from 1-2 will be rough, because we're used to how mobile DD is (18 months), but I imagine it'll be easier since we know what to expect and it's not a TOTAL lifestyle change like it was going from 0-1. We already have to cater to nap times and feeding and early bedtimes, we're used to thinking about the child and packing what they might need if we go out for the day, and we're already used to not being able to do whatever we want whenever we want anymore.

Mandamay1414

I'm nervous about the transition from 1-2.. 0-1 was hard, but we are mostly homebodies in general so the lack of of spontaneity that comes with a kid didn't really bother me too much. What I'm really nervous about is how to balance 2 kids.. right now DD is use to basically getting all my attention and having almost everything planned around her "schedule". I'm worried I'm going to completely lose myself in having to take care of two needy kids, lol.  

BitterBetty12

The biggest reason I’m nervous for the transition from 1-2 is because my favorite part of the newborn days with DD was just kind of how ‘slow’ it all was. I could sit in bed in the middle of the day holding my sleeping newborn and just watch Netflix. As she was a little older, H and I would just stay up until 12pm-1am until she had a feeding. And then sleep until 9am when she woke up for the day (of course there were several feedings in the middle there). 

Those are things I know will not be possible this time because I’ll also have a toddler who is on a schedule and does not want anything to do with sitting in bed and watching Netflix. I’m weirdly both looking forward to and dreading the time at the hospital. Looking forward to it because it’s the only time we’ll get those slow days with baby girl #2. Dreading it because it’s the longest amount of time I’ll be away from DD1.

I know this is late but as for classes - we just did all of the ones our hospital offered. Childbirth, newborn, and breastfeeding. I don’t really think they were necessary BUT I wanted to do them more for the full ‘experience’ of having a first baby than anything. And I’m glad I did. 

pttomato

I’m nervous about having two kids on different nap schedules. DD can’t stay at home all day, so I don’t know how I’m ever going to get the baby on a nap schedule if it conflicts with DD’s routine.

Mandamay1414

@BitterBetty12 I'm also weirdly looking forward to the hospital days.. mostly for slowness of the days where I can devote my whole attention to Little Brother like you said, but also because there are people to take care of ME for a few days before the chaos really begins. Lol, no one takes care of me at home..

tosh24

For those of you who used mesh, padded underwear post-birth: what brand did you prefer (poise vs. depends vs. tena)?

The hospital I used for DD provided me a stash throughout my stay and I took some home as well. Diffferent hospital for DS and they only gave me ONE pair right after delivery and I wasn't allowed any others so DH ran out and got me regular pads which were a pain to use. Planning ahead this time since I'm using the same hospital again this time.

gorgeousariel

@tosh24 I used Depends for about 2 weeks following birth. Then it was light enough that I wore heavy pads. I don't remember which brand it was but the first brand I tried gave me a chemical burn. So I had to switch. I bled for 6w and it stopped only days before 

pttomato

For anyone who has had growth scans with 2 or more babies- did you find the accuracy similar with both kids? My first was quite a bit smaller than estimated.

tosh24

@gorgeousariel Thanks! I put some Depends in my Amazon cart. I searched online and there were a lot of recommendations for depends so hoping it's a safe bet. I also get chemical burns from disposable pads which is why I use cloth pads. I'll use cloth postpartum too but at least for the first week I think it will be easier to use disposables.

rooonilwaazlib

How do moms feel about the jumper vs. bouncer debate? I can't decide which to add to registry, and we're getting down to the wire!

Oops! Edited to add pics to be more specific.  I meant like the round seat jumper vs bouncers for when the kid is 4+ months old....pics below for clarity.  Either of these type of contraptions, or something else completely!

Bouncer-type thingy:



versus

Jumper-type thingy:

kmos816

@rooonilwaazlib I can’t keep straight what is what lol but we had an infant bouncer seat, an activity station once she could support herself around 4 months  (like a jumperoo without the bouncy seat), and then a jumperoo she started to use around 6 months. We also had a door jumper which I did not like. The infant bouncer and jumperoo were my favorites- I think we could have skipped the activity center thing but we just got it from a second hand store so wasn’t too expensive.

BitterBetty12

@rooonilwaazlib so I have both types (jungle jumperoo and an exersaucer) and feel like I wouldn’t want only one. The stand still we were able to use starting around 3-4ish months and she loved it. It was a nice change from her normal laying down / sitting items that she used until then. Jumper we didn’t start until later because she needed more head and body control. We started it probably around 6-7 months. If I had to pick one it would be the jumper because I feel like she enjoyed it more. BUT I got more use out of the exersauser because she was able to use it for more months. We also didn’t keep her in the jumper for more than 10-15 minutes at a time because DH was paranoid about some research he read about delayed walking. But even without considering that I felt like the jumper would wear her out faster, whereas I could let her chill in the exersaucer and play for longer periods.

kns1988

@rooonilwaazlib we had a jumper and started using it around 6 months. It probably only had a 3-4 month timeline before he outgrew it, but he really loved it. I'd encourage buying one secondhand. They're so expensive for the short amount of time that they're used. 

rooonilwaazlib

@kns1988 Totally.  I put one on our registry but if no one gets it I am definitely looking for secondhand.  

kianarain

Does anyone have sore underarms? Or for STM+s have you experienced this in a previous pregnancy? I’m going to call the advice nurse line tomorrow (and have them check it at my appt on Friday) to make sure they’re not worried, but I googled and it seems semi common. Just wonder if anyone here is feeling my pain (lol literally). 

It’s right where my armpit connects to my boob, there are no noticeable lumps and the lymph node doesn’t seem swollen, so I’m thinking it may be associated with rapid growth...I’ve noticed a huge difference in size just in the past week so I know there’s a lot going on in there. I also have some redness on the bottom half of both breasts when I don’t wear a bra for a while. And both the armpit soreness and redness happens on both sides so it feels like it’d be growth/pressure related, but idk. Lol ok end boob rant. 

kns1988

@kianarain it's not totally the same, but in my pregnancy with my son, I would get these stabbing pains on the outside of my breast near the underarm. It was really painful, and I ended up getting a breast ultrasound to make sure it wasn't serious. There was nothing there, so it was just growing pains. I'd be willing to bet that yours are just growing pains, too, but no harm in calling. 

nononorman

@tosh24 I used the always brand underwear, highly recommend. 
@rooonilwaazlib we had only the jumper type and did alright. We just needed something to contain DD if we needed to use our hands for something else. There was a time when she would roll/crawl etc so we couldn’t just leave her and we wanted something more interactive than a pack and play. 

@kianarain not sure if possibly related but your blood flow to your boobs increases by like a billion from now through the first month or so of breastfeeding. I made it through the pregnancy alright (in terms of my arms not looking gross) and when the baby came out, I got arm stretch marks within the first week (meanwhile I lost 30 lbs go figure). The explanation is that blood flow which causes some increase in size to the whole region. It’s where a lot of batwings come from YAY. Maybe you’re just getting some increased blood flow early? I also find that as I sleep on my sides- normally a belly sleeper- my arms/armpits get so uncomfortable overnight and I can wake up w aching.