March 2018 Moms

How are the moms doing?

We talk babies, but haven’t really done a mom update in a while.  How is everyone doing?  Do you feel fully recovered physically?  How are you doing emotionally?  Any parenting wins?  Really, how are you doing?

Re: How are the moms doing?

  • Physically I feel much better.  I am definitely not in as good of shape as I was before getting pregnant, but I am getting there.  I still have between five to 10 pounds to lose.  Fortunately, I am just not that stressed about it.  I feel like getting stronger is a better goal this time around. 

    I did want to ask a little about anxiety and see what you guys thought.  My husband thinks I am weird, but I seriously cannot stand it if my kids cry at all right now.  Mostly my two youngest.  It’s like an anxious feeling when they do and I have to stop everything and fix it.  My husband says let them cry for a sec if I am in the middle of something, but I can’t.  I have always been very attentive and do not let them CIO, but it seems heightened this go round. I don’t know if it’s bc there are more of them and I deal with more crying and my fuse is short or if I have an anxiety issue.  I feel like it’s normal for mom to have a physical and emotional responses to their kids crying, but my husband acts like I am not normal.  Anyone relate or have insight?

    A win...I am really enjoying my balance between work and home.  I am ready to go to work by the end of the week and enjoy it and then when my time at work is up I enjoy being home.  I think that my job is a great outlet for me and I need to make sure I remember that when I feel pulled to be home more.  

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  • sgrn18sgrn18 member
    Physically I feel mostly back to normal. I lost all but about 2 lbs of the weight I gained but I feel super flabby in my stomach and thighs.  I've been wanting to get back to running but school has got me bogged down so much that I have to choose between sleep, eat, or bathe with what limited time I have.   I'll get there.  

    Emotionally? Eeh I've dealt with anxiety and OCD tendencies in the past that were awful enough to be medicated for. My big issue is that I micro manage MH when he is taking care of LO. It got bad,  I recognize that but I just had to have it done my way (also an issue).  MH has had issues with bonding, which I translated into a lack of love (which isn't the case), then that leads me to he can't possibly care for a child if he doesn't love him like I do(again not true) It's a long spiral down. I've been working on it by limiting my calls(in a 12 hr shift i probably called him 12+ times/ probably separation anxiety on my part) and trying to show more trust in MH. I think by my last clinical day I was only calling him while I pumped which was about 4 times/shift.  And that seems to be helping me especially when I get home and LO is fed and mostly happy lol. 

    Wins: I'm getting so much better at figuring out his needs(maybe just some mom confidence!). The change me vs feed me cries are different. Overall I kinda feel like I'm just getting the hang of things  

    Really? I'm sorta starting to feel like myself again, willing to venture out with LO and run errands or whatever which was terrifying before.
  • Physically: Surprisingly in better shape than I was before pregnancy. Lost all my weight gain, plus some. I think mainly because of stress from a personal situation but also because I'm eating healthy and getting a workout from taking care of Massimo. My arms and legs are feeling stronger from all the lifting and walking I'm doing. I have a lot of energy some days, while others I'm completely exhausted.

    Emotionally: Not going to lie...this is the biggest challenge in my life. This baby depends on me for everything and I have to decide on what is right for him since he can't talk nor have much of an opinion! I have to protect him and make sure he knows he is safe and loved. This is truly such an honor to have this responsibility, and makes me emotional in a positive way.  I'm reading his cues and understand his cries, as like you ladies are. Every day I see him grow and change and learn something new...I sometimes feel sad because I know he will keep growing and I will miss these days. He hangs on to me an hugs me already. Such an amazing feeling. He honestly is a gift in my life that came at the perfect time.

    Wins: DH and I are pretty much on the same page with things so far. We are a good team. He knows me very well...he understands when I need him to take over and knows when I'm overwhelmed. We have naturally set a few things in place. Ie shower time is with mama and then papa dries and prepares baby for bed while mama finishes her shower...mama/papa preps dinner while the other parent plays with baby...diaper changes are with DH from when he gets home from work till bedtime etc. All this helps with Massi's care so very much. 

    Really: I'm happy, although tired. I will be 39 on Tuesday and just doing my best to care for myself and my family. Not to take anything for granted. Not to get overly upset at things and to try my best to appreciate at least one thing every day. Whether it's a smile from Massimo, or my mom doing my dishes, seeing birds around my flowers, saying hi to neighbors that walk by my house while I sit with my babe on my porch, or just falling asleep for a nap with him...I always go to sleep remembering a good thing that happened that day and to be thankful for it.

    Hah. Long post. Felt good to think deeply and write. Good night all.
  • It’s good to hear from you guys.  I relate to so much. 
  • @nancysimp we have the same birthday!  My birthday is July 3rd too.  I will be 36.
  • @DDRRT1982 wow! We share the same birthday. I knew I clicked with your personality from your writing. Hah :) 
  • @DDRRT1982 & @nancysimp my husband's birthday is the 3rd also!
  • megpegmegpeg member
       Do you feel fully recovered physically?  
    For the most part physically I feel good. I am 10 lbs less than when I got pregnant but still way above what is healthy and am trying to take control of that. Some positions are no good for sex but are slowly getting more comfortable.
    How are you doing emotionally?
    I think emotionally I am close to where I normally am but my five year old is testing every boundary. She makes me lose my cool a lot but it’s mostly because I am scared someone will take her.
     Any parenting wins?  
    Declan is sleeping better than my other two did. He slept through the night the other night and it was awesome besides getting up to pump and worrying he was ok. This is also the longest I have made it pumping. I did 2 months with DS1 and 2 weeks with DD. I am almost at 4 months now and don’t plan on stopping.
    Really, how are you doing?
    My biggest test is coming next week. DH and DS1 are leaving for a mission trip in Brazil for 10 days. I am going to be alone with my little two and I know how much DS1 helps and the sanity I get to feel when DH gets home. We are going to my moms for 3-4days of it. 
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  • great topic @DDRRT1982 - thank you. and thanks everyone for sharing.
    How is everyone doing? I'm doing ok.
    Do you feel fully recovered physically?  Yes and no. It's weird. I feel like my stomach is totally misshapen, but I've lost all the baby weight plus some (to be fair, I was overweight to start). My incision doesn't bother me anymore - I almost forget it's there. Just trying to learn my new stomach shape.
    How are you doing emotionally? This is a hard one. I like the routine of being back at work, but am sad at how soon I had to come back and how I do not feel valued for the work I do. I also had an uncomfortable situation with my MIL and SIL where I now feel like they judge me as a crummy mom and wife. Since my SIL lives with us my anxiety has increased and I'm just uncomfortable. I just tell myself to be positive around the baby and remind myself the SIL will be gone in about six months. 
    Any parenting wins?  LO smiles at us and seems so very content with life and everything. She makes me want to be the same way. LO also sleeps through the night which is awesome and something I'm so grateful for.
    Really, how are you doing? I have a great support system with MH, parents and sisters which helps so much. I'm really just trying to be a good example for my daughter, so I'm focusing on looking at the good side of things.

    Happy Birthday to all the July mommas!!!
  • megpegmegpeg member
    @DDRRT1982 I hate when he cries especially when someone else is taking care of him. when I am pumping or driving it makes me crazy. I am ok with a little whiney cry when he’s tired but otherwise no.
    i also cry at everything he does. He is such a sweet baby. I cry sometimes when he smiles or laughs. Knowing he is probably my last baby is really hard. 
    How do you know when you are done having kids? I really want another but DH thinks we need to be done. He had his vasectomy consult scheduled and I am not sure that I have come to terms with it yet. He says he could have babies with me forever but he thinks three is enough and four will make him a little too nervous/anxious. I get it, but we have always said four. I am lucky to even have talked him into 3. He is worried financially it will also be too much and wants to give them all the best.
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  • @megpeg I am glad I am not alone.  I am sure this will all pass.

    as for knowing when you will feel done is the question of a lifetime for me.  We should probably be done, but we still feel called to have one more. I know that sounds silly, but I still feel like there is still a little spirit that is meant to be with us.  Instead of pushing it all to the side I have just embraced it and realized I am not done.  However, my H would have 10 more if my age and body could do it, so no arguing with him.  Since I am the one that is on the fence I gave myself time.  I usually get pregnant around 10 months to a year, but I have decided to push it further to give myself more time to heal and let Jack get older (he’s my most demanding).  Maybe ask your H to give it time.  Not commit to another child, but give your family time to phase out of the baby stage and get into a better flow.
  • Do you feel fully recovered physically?  
    Yes, I was down to my pre pregnancy weight before I left the hospital and durning the end of my leave I started exercising again so I feel stronger and healthier. My incision itches at times but I know that’s from it healing. 

    How are you doing emotionally?
    I was doing my really while before returning to work. I’m bipolar, have anxiety and OCD so I took a lot of precautions before Jeffrey was born to hopefully avoid PPD. Unfortunately Once I went back to work the stress and sleep deprivation caused a manic episode. DH was working out of state and I made him come home. I’m doing better now but not receiving any support from my management at work. 

    Any parenting wins?  
    I’m actually learning how to stop worrying about everything and just enjoy these moments with LO. 

    Really, how are you doing?
    overall much better then I thought I would be. Ive has a few set backs but enjoying being Jeffrey’s mom. 
  • @bexster05

    Good luck with work and your mental health. My anxiety came crashing in as well when I went back. It's tough to not only balance the logistics but also balance what I'm worried about (baby or work). Overwhelming! Hugs.

  • Do you feel fully recovered physically?  
    Almost. I'm at my pre-pg weight, but my belly is a weird shape still and I have an area at one end of the incision that is still sore when I try to sit up. But I am getting back to more normal exercise. 

    How are you doing emotionally? 
    Better than I expected. This is our first so I didn't know what to expect. I know everyone says "it goes so fast," but OMG I can't believe how much she changes every day. 

    Any parenting wins?  

    I feel like I understand her cues and know what she needs now. We have very little crying, and usually when she is really crying, it's because we took too long to make the bottle. 

    Really, how are you doing?

    Kinda sad at how fast it's going, and kinda anxious to get more clients lined up and get back to work. I LOVE being with her but I'm starting to feel the adult-brain-needs and, you know, the money needs. :D 

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  • Went for a run last night and loved it but it feels like so much effort getting the work out clothes on after work, getting both kids to bed then working out.  This Texas heat doesn’t help either.  I’m happy once I do it but it takes ALL the efforts getting there!  

    I still have no sex drive.  Sorry hubs.  

    My toddler is driving me bonkers and I call my second baby the “good daughter” right now!  
  • mmom3mmom3 member
    Physically: I am at 4 months PP after a CS.  I don’t feel fully recovered yet.  I can see/feel my inside part of my incision on my right side.  I’m just at my prepregnancy weight but lumpy in the tummy section.  I’m breastfeeding and my period still hasn’t returned. 

    Emotionally: I am grateful this is the first baby I have the opportunity to be home for.  However, since he’s #3 - I don’t have the same chances to get all the snuggles in.  The fall will get even busier with running my daughter to school, my son to preschool, dance classes, and the every dayness.  It makes me very sad because he’s getting big so fast.  I often find myself with tears because I just want to rewind time to a year ago when we just found out I was pregnant lately.  

    Wins: We are 4.5 months into BF and still going strong.  I love nursing and the quiet time together.  

    Really how you doing:  My SIL is having a baby in a little over a month and my sister just announced she’s pregnant as well.  I’m happy for them, but makes me feel sad/down in a way that’s hard to describe.  I’m the oldest and know they have more babies for years after I’ll be done.  The best moments of my life where when I held my babies for the first time.  I’m sad for me that I’ll most likely never experience that again.    

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