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March 2018 Moms
DDRRT1982
member
How are the moms doing?
DDRRT1982
member
We talk babies, but haven’t really done a mom update in a while. How is everyone doing? Do you feel fully recovered physically? How are you doing emotionally? Any parenting wins? Really, how are you doing?
Re: How are the moms doing?
I did want to ask a little about anxiety and see what you guys thought. My husband thinks I am weird, but I seriously cannot stand it if my kids cry at all right now. Mostly my two youngest. It’s like an anxious feeling when they do and I have to stop everything and fix it. My husband says let them cry for a sec if I am in the middle of something, but I can’t. I have always been very attentive and do not let them CIO, but it seems heightened this go round. I don’t know if it’s bc there are more of them and I deal with more crying and my fuse is short or if I have an anxiety issue. I feel like it’s normal for mom to have a physical and emotional responses to their kids crying, but my husband acts like I am not normal. Anyone relate or have insight?
A win...I am really enjoying my balance between work and home. I am ready to go to work by the end of the week and enjoy it and then when my time at work is up I enjoy being home. I think that my job is a great outlet for me and I need to make sure I remember that when I feel pulled to be home more.
Do you feel fully recovered physically?
Yes and no. Everything is all healed up but my period is back and I'm terrified to use a tampon. I hate pads but I'm legit scared to use a tampon again. Honestly dreading the day we finally have sex.
How are you doing emotionally?
I'm okay. I'm exhausted even though I get plenty of sleep. This is just a physically and mentally taxing job. I'm honestly ready to go back to work so I can have a daily break. I left Nate with his great grandma the other day for 5 hours and it was such a relief. Even though I was doing manual labor of unpacking our new house, it was relaxing to not have to worry about him for a while. But at the same time I'm dreading leaving him for 8 hours every day. Mainly because I'll only get to breastfeed him once or twice a day and I'm absolutely not ready to lessen that bond. I'm so worried I'll lose my supply sooner than my goal of 1 year. I also want to see him longer than a couple hours before bedtime.
Any parenting wins?
I've finally figured out why he is fussy when he is fussy. I know when he's ready for a nap and when he wants to be left alone or play a different way. I also found an in home daycare and I love the lady and am excited for him to have some friends when he gets a little bigger.
Really, how are you doing?
I'm pretty neutral. It's weird.
Emotionally? Eeh I've dealt with anxiety and OCD tendencies in the past that were awful enough to be medicated for. My big issue is that I micro manage MH when he is taking care of LO. It got bad, I recognize that but I just had to have it done my way (also an issue). MH has had issues with bonding, which I translated into a lack of love (which isn't the case), then that leads me to he can't possibly care for a child if he doesn't love him like I do(again not true) It's a long spiral down. I've been working on it by limiting my calls(in a 12 hr shift i probably called him 12+ times/ probably separation anxiety on my part) and trying to show more trust in MH. I think by my last clinical day I was only calling him while I pumped which was about 4 times/shift. And that seems to be helping me especially when I get home and LO is fed and mostly happy lol.
Wins: I'm getting so much better at figuring out his needs(maybe just some mom confidence!). The change me vs feed me cries are different. Overall I kinda feel like I'm just getting the hang of things
Really? I'm sorta starting to feel like myself again, willing to venture out with LO and run errands or whatever which was terrifying before.
Emotionally: Not going to lie...this is the biggest challenge in my life. This baby depends on me for everything and I have to decide on what is right for him since he can't talk nor have much of an opinion! I have to protect him and make sure he knows he is safe and loved. This is truly such an honor to have this responsibility, and makes me emotional in a positive way. I'm reading his cues and understand his cries, as like you ladies are. Every day I see him grow and change and learn something new...I sometimes feel sad because I know he will keep growing and I will miss these days. He hangs on to me an hugs me already. Such an amazing feeling. He honestly is a gift in my life that came at the perfect time.
Wins: DH and I are pretty much on the same page with things so far. We are a good team. He knows me very well...he understands when I need him to take over and knows when I'm overwhelmed. We have naturally set a few things in place. Ie shower time is with mama and then papa dries and prepares baby for bed while mama finishes her shower...mama/papa preps dinner while the other parent plays with baby...diaper changes are with DH from when he gets home from work till bedtime etc. All this helps with Massi's care so very much.
Really: I'm happy, although tired. I will be 39 on Tuesday and just doing my best to care for myself and my family. Not to take anything for granted. Not to get overly upset at things and to try my best to appreciate at least one thing every day. Whether it's a smile from Massimo, or my mom doing my dishes, seeing birds around my flowers, saying hi to neighbors that walk by my house while I sit with my babe on my porch, or just falling asleep for a nap with him...I always go to sleep remembering a good thing that happened that day and to be thankful for it.
Hah. Long post. Felt good to think deeply and write. Good night all.
Physically ok too. Gained some weight back in my tummy from lack of any exercise and constant need for chocolate...darn stress!
For the most part, yes! Some sexual positions are a total no-go, but that's the only time I'm really reminded of how labor ravaged my body. I also have irregular periods, which I know is normal post-pregnancy, but it still makes me a little anxious.
How are you doing emotionally?
Emotionally, I'm doing well! Well, with one exception. I had my ACL repaired on Wednesday, and pre-surgery, I was a mess. I spent the whole morning holding Nora and crying and telling her how much I love her, and as soon as the anesthesiologist walked in the room, I sobbed that I have a 4-month old I need to be okay for. Now that Nora's here, all the stakes are so much higher. Surgery was fine, I'm fine, everything's fine in the end, and my emotions are under better control. I also am officially home for summer break, so knowing I get so much time to spend with N really helps!
Any parenting wins?
I feel really good about my ability to accurately predict and meet Nora's needs. My mom is staying with us to help because of my surgery, and I still feel more capable of meeting N's needs than she or my husband are. That sounds bad and competitive, which isn't how I mean it - I just mean it's nice to know I have such a good grasp on what my little woman needs.
Really, how are you doing?
Good. Good, good, good. Nora helps me see the bigger picture!
For the most part physically I feel good. I am 10 lbs less than when I got pregnant but still way above what is healthy and am trying to take control of that. Some positions are no good for sex but are slowly getting more comfortable.
How are you doing emotionally?
I think emotionally I am close to where I normally am but my five year old is testing every boundary. She makes me lose my cool a lot but it’s mostly because I am scared someone will take her.
Any parenting wins?
Declan is sleeping better than my other two did. He slept through the night the other night and it was awesome besides getting up to pump and worrying he was ok. This is also the longest I have made it pumping. I did 2 months with DS1 and 2 weeks with DD. I am almost at 4 months now and don’t plan on stopping.
Really, how are you doing?
My biggest test is coming next week. DH and DS1 are leaving for a mission trip in Brazil for 10 days. I am going to be alone with my little two and I know how much DS1 helps and the sanity I get to feel when DH gets home. We are going to my moms for 3-4days of it.
i also cry at everything he does. He is such a sweet baby. I cry sometimes when he smiles or laughs. Knowing he is probably my last baby is really hard.
How do you know when you are done having kids? I really want another but DH thinks we need to be done. He had his vasectomy consult scheduled and I am not sure that I have come to terms with it yet. He says he could have babies with me forever but he thinks three is enough and four will make him a little too nervous/anxious. I get it, but we have always said four. I am lucky to even have talked him into 3. He is worried financially it will also be too much and wants to give them all the best.
as for knowing when you will feel done is the question of a lifetime for me. We should probably be done, but we still feel called to have one more. I know that sounds silly, but I still feel like there is still a little spirit that is meant to be with us. Instead of pushing it all to the side I have just embraced it and realized I am not done. However, my H would have 10 more if my age and body could do it, so no arguing with him. Since I am the one that is on the fence I gave myself time. I usually get pregnant around 10 months to a year, but I have decided to push it further to give myself more time to heal and let Jack get older (he’s my most demanding). Maybe ask your H to give it time. Not commit to another child, but give your family time to phase out of the baby stage and get into a better flow.
Yes, I was down to my pre pregnancy weight before I left the hospital and durning the end of my leave I started exercising again so I feel stronger and healthier. My incision itches at times but I know that’s from it healing.
How are you doing emotionally?
I was doing my really while before returning to work. I’m bipolar, have anxiety and OCD so I took a lot of precautions before Jeffrey was born to hopefully avoid PPD. Unfortunately Once I went back to work the stress and sleep deprivation caused a manic episode. DH was working out of state and I made him come home. I’m doing better now but not receiving any support from my management at work.
Any parenting wins?
I’m actually learning how to stop worrying about everything and just enjoy these moments with LO.
Really, how are you doing?
overall much better then I thought I would be. Ive has a few set backs but enjoying being Jeffrey’s mom.
Do you feel fully recovered physically?
Pretty much. I'm below my pre-pregnancy weight which is good, but doing some strength training now to firm up. DH and I have had sex; I feel like it wasn't as painful as I was expecting it to be, but still not totally normal. I'm BFing so no period yet, but I've spotted a little a couple times.
How are you doing emotionally?
It's exhausting sometimes making the adjustment to having two kids. My 4.5 year old is very demanding of attention these days, doesn't nap, talks nonstop, and is learning that sometimes I just need to give all my attention to the baby, and when she naps I can be 100% focused on her. There is no sleeping when the baby sleeps except for at night. During the day I get no breaks. Sometime work feels like a vacation! But I love my girls so much and watching them bond has been amazing. I couldn't be happier!
Any parenting wins?
She sleeps through the night! 9pm - 5AM! It's glorious!
I don't get up at night at all to pump but I do pump at work when I can't be with her to nurse during the day. I think the sleep is helping my supply more than skipping pumping overnight is hindering it. 3.5 months and going strong with nursing - I currently produce more than she needs and have a really good freezer stash. I wasn't able to nurse at all with my first, though I did pump some, so I'm over the moon doing this. It's done wonders for my confidence.
Really, how are you doing?
OK. I miss my girls when I have to go to work, but I know I'm very blessed to be working part time right now, and my hours are flexed, 6AM - 2:30PM. It could definitely be worse.
Baby #2 M/C 4/5/16
Good luck with work and your mental health. My anxiety came crashing in as well when I went back. It's tough to not only balance the logistics but also balance what I'm worried about (baby or work). Overwhelming! Hugs.
Do you feel fully recovered physically?
Almost. I'm at my pre-pg weight, but my belly is a weird shape still and I have an area at one end of the incision that is still sore when I try to sit up. But I am getting back to more normal exercise.
How are you doing emotionally?
Better than I expected. This is our first so I didn't know what to expect. I know everyone says "it goes so fast," but OMG I can't believe how much she changes every day.
Any parenting wins?
I feel like I understand her cues and know what she needs now. We have very little crying, and usually when she is really crying, it's because we took too long to make the bottle.
Really, how are you doing?
Kinda sad at how fast it's going, and kinda anxious to get more clients lined up and get back to work. I LOVE being with her but I'm starting to feel the adult-brain-needs and, you know, the money needs.
I still have no sex drive. Sorry hubs.
My toddler is driving me bonkers and I call my second baby the “good daughter” right now!
Emotionally: I am grateful this is the first baby I have the opportunity to be home for. However, since he’s #3 - I don’t have the same chances to get all the snuggles in. The fall will get even busier with running my daughter to school, my son to preschool, dance classes, and the every dayness. It makes me very sad because he’s getting big so fast. I often find myself with tears because I just want to rewind time to a year ago when we just found out I was pregnant lately.
Wins: We are 4.5 months into BF and still going strong. I love nursing and the quiet time together.
Really how you doing: My SIL is having a baby in a little over a month and my sister just announced she’s pregnant as well. I’m happy for them, but makes me feel sad/down in a way that’s hard to describe. I’m the oldest and know they have more babies for years after I’ll be done. The best moments of my life where when I held my babies for the first time. I’m sad for me that I’ll most likely never experience that again.