UO (Unpopular Opinion) 6/21/18

kns1988

@KLS123 I'm totally the same as you on the gift giving and receiving. I had to set really firm boundaries with my mom about it because she would bring something over every time I saw her, and it was stressing me out like you wouldn't believe. I've been a minimalist for 6 years, so I really don't want the extra crap in my house. 

peachy104

KLS123 said:

my UO is that I hate gifting. I hate buying gifts and I hate receiving them. The whole ritual stresses me out, including the thank you notes. I don't like having extra stuff around my house and I really hate the guilt that comes with getting rid of something that I really don't want, don't have a spot for or use for but someone took the time and money to buy for me. I repeatedly ask not to be given any material gifts and feel that those who choose to ignore that wish are just selfishly giving themselves the satisfaction of gift giving (I hear some people are into that) as they know it brings me no joy and a lot of unnecessary guilt and stress.

I think some people have “giving/receiving gifts” as their love language (The 5 Love Languages book by Gary Chapman), so I don’t see it as selfish. It’s my mom’s love language and, even though it isn’t my love language, I know how much it means when she sends me something in the mail. 

My former FIL was BIG TIME into gift giving at Christmas. I used to get upset about it because I also dislike “stuff”/useless junk. So when he’d ask for my Christmas list, I’d make an Amazon wish list of things I actually wanted/needed. It made Christmas much more enjoyable when I got over myself and just let him give whatever he wanted to give. And if I get something I don’t want/need, I donate it, and accept the tax write-off. 

The “gift” I disliked the most from my former FIL was scratch off lottery tickets. Ugh. Such a waste of money and time to get $4 (from $50-$100 worth of tickets) but it was one of their traditions I guess. 

KLS123

@kns1988 I'm right there with you with the minimalism which is interesting with pregnancy. I'm a FTM so trying to figure out what baby stuff I really need and the idea of a bunch of extra stuff around is giving me anxiety. Heck even the thought of buying maternity clothes and having to keep/store a separate wardrobe for my changing body gives me anxiety. 

@featherchicki I totally get that it's some people's love language, but when you do something that gives you pleasure when you know it causes me stress/guilt/anxiety aka harm then that to me is a selfish act. For example if my love language was physical touch but I had a friend or relative that had anxiety about being hugged I wouldn't hug them just to make myself feel good knowing that I was causing them harm. I know not everyone agrees with that but that's why it's an UO I guess. FWIW my DH likes to "gift give" but rather than buying items he will make me a card or plan a vacation or wash the car or tag me in a funny meme that he thought I would like, basically meeting me at my love language of quality time and acts of service. 

pttomato

We were really minimalist with baby stuff when DD was born, but ever since then, especially since we moved closer all the stuff our parents are always buying for DD drives me crazy. She has enough 2T clothes I could not do laundry for an entire month.  And most of the clothes and toys are not what I would prefer to get her, but DH is weird about not returning family gifts so I now I have a bunch of stuff for DD that I’d rather we didn’t have. 

kns1988

@KLS123, it's hard figuring out what you need for the first baby! I had a lot of anxiety around that, too. Most single use items you'll find you can live without (breast pillow, shopping cart cover, etc). Baby containers turn out to be really helpful. I loved the Brica Fold 'n Go travel crib until DS was about 5 months old, and then we splurged on a Lotus travel crib, which I absolutely love and use. I don't mind spending a bit more when it's a high quality item. You'll find your go to things!

alexandraseattle

@KLS123 @kns1988 another minimalist over here! I am also struggling with having a maternity wardrobe! I don’t have very many clothes and what I do have is starting not to fit. The thought of all that extra stuff in my house is a huge source of anxiety for me. Can we start a minimalist moms thread?  

kns1988

@alexandraseattle, that'd be fun! It might just be the 3 of us though I bought 2 dresses, 2 pairs of work pants, 1 pair of jeans, 2 tanks, and 4 shirts when I was pregnant last time. My wardrobe was pretty boring for the 3rd trimester, but I was happy not to spend a ton of money on new clothes. The stuff will still be useful this time because I'm pregnant in the winter again. 

KLS123

@alexandraseattle @kns1988 I'm totally in for minimalist thread! I already have a  "Rent The Runway" subscription to keep a rotation of business wear and formal wear when needed without having to buy and store clothing items. Thankfully it looks like they recently expanded their maternity selections so I will probably just buy a few basics (1 jean, 1 legging, 1 black pant, a few layering tops) and fill in with what I already own (like blazers and cardigans) and rented dresses and blouses. 

CoastieGirl79

@KLS123 I'm trying to stretch my work wardrobe, too. A friend suggested I check out Kid to Kid, which takes kids' items on consignment and maternity clothes. 

greenhillgirl

Potterphile I disagree about the pregnancy brain. I'm not especially sleep deprived and since pregnant I've gone from being able to run an efficient meeting with zero prep and sound intelligent to having to do prep and make an agenda for myself otherwise not knowing what I'm talking about. I lose my train of thought a lot and have trouble listening without my mind wandering. I've also called someone I've worked with for over 4 years and who has the same name as my husband the wrong name in an email. I've never experienced anything like it before. I actually feel less intelligent. We also did IVF so I was on progesterone and estrogen for the first 8 weeks so maybe that had an impact. I wouldn't use it as an excuse for behavior, just apologize and move on and prep more. But it definitely exists.

Agree on party favors. For our wedding favors my mom baked mini bundts of my great aunt's pound cake recipe and gave them out in little bags. Love our friends cause some people ate them AT the wedding even after eating regular cake and ricotta cheesecake lol. Jordan almonds, yuck rooonilwaazlib