Ask a STM

disneybaby84

This post is to ask a second time mom, or a third time mom any and all questions. This is a perfect forum for you first time moms to ask any and all questions. Remember each mom is sharing her perspective, opinion and methods. Not all of us are the same. 

kayjay44

Happy to share as a TTM

ThePax89

Me too! I love this thread. 

flmommy1

2nd time mom here, little boy is almost 11 months old. Happy to help if I can

disneybaby84

I personally did a natural hospital birth and would be happy to share my experience or answer any questions if anyone wants to discuss that.

kayjay44

disneybaby84 said:

I personally did a natural hospital birth and would be happy to share my experience or answer any questions if anyone wants to discuss that.

I ended up wanting an epi both times - the first time it only worked on half my body (my left half) with a sunny side up birth. The second time they did 6 punctures and couldn't place it before I had to push. So I had all the negative side effects and none of the good ones. My advice to FTMs, just don't do that   

becks_726

Ooh! I have a question! 

What sleeping arrangements have you found to work the best for you in the first year? Nighttime and naptime if different. Specifics about the required gear would be extra appreciated! 

ruby696

Just to add my two cents - I had an epidural with both. DS was sunny side up and I ended up having a c-section. So it was nice to have the epidural already in place for that. I had a VBAC with DD and the epidural slowed labor WAY down. Also, I went from 6cm after 2 hrs back down to 4cm for 4 hrs. They started talking about another c-section which was stressful. Luckily things started moving again. But she probably would have been born earlier if I hadn't had the epidural. After that it clicked for me that 27 hours of labor with DS was probably at least partially due to intervention  (epi and pitocin). For me, intervention definitely effected progress. Just something to keep in mind if you're on the fence about getting an epidural....

antera23

What are the actual essentials you found that you needed for baby? What didn’t you need that everyone insisted you did? 

canadianmom89

@becks_726 I only have one (3yrsold) and who knows how it will go with this one so take my advice with a grain of salt but just do what works for you and listen to no one else judgements when it comes to sleeping arrangements. 
With DD I had to sleep in a recliner for 6 weeks until finally the public health nurse convinced me to co sleep . I was 100% against co sleeping but in my sleep deprived and hurting back state I did it. It worked well for a while until we couldn’t transition DD to her crib and we tried every method available. At 1 year old we was sleeping on a queen size mattress on the floor and I was with her most the night and I swore I would do better with my next child . 
Now at 3 she sleeps well by herself in her own room and rarely wakes in the middle of the night. 

As for naps, I never put her on a schedule most people think I’m crazy but that child can nap anywhere and even on days when she doesn’t nap she never has meltdowns because she doesn’t have a strict schedule. It wouldn’t work for everyone but it works for us 

Each child is different and every phase will pass. Do what works for you and baby. 

ruby696

@antera23 You really don't need as much as you think you will. By baby number three, I'm going with as little as possible. A pack-n-play with a bassinet and changing table is great because you get a bassinet, changing table and pack-n-play for travel all in one item. Some kind of baby carrier. Clothes, wipes, diapers, swaddles (and my kids loved zipadee-zips when they got older. my kids hated swings and I will not bother spending then the money and losing space in my house for one this time around. An infant bouncer is nice if you need to set them down while they are awake. Triple paste is the best diaper rash medicine I've ever come across, especially if you put desitin on top. I used a pillow instead of a boppy since I was udually breastfeeding in bed and didn't want to take the extra step of keeping one within arms reach. I'm pro pacifier as well.

Hated using a bottle warmer. Microwaved for 30 seconds and swirled so the temp was even. Didn't use the wipe warmer with my second, just held them in my hand for a few seconds. Also, we put whatever shirt MH had been wearing that day in the bottom of the bassinet so it smelled like dad. Helped both babies stay asleep when we put them down. Or it seemed to anyway.

shellperry

This will be my 4 and I had all my kids naturally my smallest was 6lbs and 4 oz and my largest was 10lbs and 3 oz. the “ring of fire” was a vary real for me with all my labors and I’ve read some women never go though it during labor. Like @ruby696  said the pack and play is the best way to go skip the crib the can usually climb out of it befor two. Baby baths aren’t really needed they out grow them quickly wipe warmer and bottle warmers are needed either. Diper rash wise busters butter butt worked best for us and Johnson and Johnson bed time lotion really help with DS 2 he had  reflux and was colicky so it helped alot

smallbutmighty77

Happy to offer insight- but my DD is 10mos old and just being back on the bump has my head spinning!!

JNR6510

Epidural: I ended up getting an epidural after over 24 hours in labor. For me it was fantastic. I did have some issues with it only working on one side but that was because I wasn’t switching the side I was laying on like I needed to. So if you do opt for an epidural and find it seems like only one side is numb, try laying on a different side. That fixed the issue for me within five minutes.

Sleeping Arrangements: For sleeping arrangements, we had a pack and play with a bassinet insert for bedtime and some naps. We also had the MamaRoo for during the day time. Sometimes DD would fall asleep in the MamaRoo and take naps there. We still have DD in our room in the pack and play. She will be transferring to her own room soon. We have done naptime in the crib in the nursery since she was 5 months old. She just doesn’t sleep well alone in her room. I’m sure the dogs constantly popping into her room to check on her overnight doesn’t help. Dog nails clicking on wood floors wake her up half the time.

Essentials:
#1 Sleeping surface. Whether you prefer a crib or pack and play or bassinet is up to your preference. I liked the multi functionality of the pack and play. Ours has the bassinet, diaper changing station, and of course the crib options available. It is very economical for parents on a budget.

#2 Car seat. Unless you don’t own a vehicle and plan to take the metro home, it’s a very important large purchase. If you have friends with a kids in car seats, you might want to ask if they will let you try seeing how it fits in your vehicle. Some car seats are very bulky and a huge PITA to install. So if you have a smaller vehicle you definitely want to make sure the car seat fits well.

#3 Bottles. Even if you plan to breastfeed, you will want a small stash of bottles. It is such a nice break for mom and good bonding time for dad if you can pass off baby to your SO with a bottle of pumped milk sometimes. We only had about 12 bottles. I preferred to wash the bottles by hand after each use. It only took a second and prevented any crusty milk scum that took extra elbow grease to scrub off.

Beyond that the usual stash of diapers, wipes, and a variety of sizes in the baby clothes is really all you need. I recommend getting a few diaper samples ahead of time and trying those out before breaking open the pack. For us the Honest diapers caused DD to break out around the belly band and Pampers Swaddlers mesh style inside caused diaper rash issues. We figured out not to use those two brands from the samples and were able to exchange the diapers for a brand that worked best for DD. Walmart and Target are really good about letting you exchange your diapers for whatever new size / brand you need. So even if you do overstock on the wrong size, they are a breeze to trade out.

ETA: typo

ruby696

@JNR6510 Great point about the bottles, especially if baby will be going to day care at some point. If they're not used to taking a bottle, they may refuse it. Super fun to be at work knowing your baby is starving. DS would take no more than an ounce or two out of a bottle for close to 6 weeks. It was a nightmare.

kayjay44

becks_726 - DD slept in her crib from day one. DS co-slept with me (DH slept in the guest room) for 2 months, transitioned to a bassinet then a crib. For naps, we usually held them or they napped in the crib or bassinet.

ruby696 - DD was born sunny side up - I don't recommend it.

antera23 - at first, you need basic clothes, some place to sleep, car seat, blankets, diapers, wipes. A stroller or a baby carrier (I like ring slings for little babies). I'd also add a boppy, nipple butter and lansinoh soothies if you're BFing. I always also buy new moms a nose frieda because you WILL need it. Bottles, nipples, bottle brush and formula if you want to go that route. My kids were mostly EBF until I went back to work - we had no issues with them refusing a bottle from daycare but they did at home.

squirttheturtle

becks_726 said:

Ooh! I have a question! 

What sleeping arrangements have you found to work the best for you in the first year? Nighttime and naptime if different. Specifics about the required gear would be extra appreciated! 


***stuck in box ***

We did a bassinet for the first month then in his crib.  He was in his own room for the day we got home and we only coslept out of absolute survival.  Independent sleep is something I was adiment about.  I need my space and baby needs to learn to feel safe and secure in their own space.  I have nothing against co sleeping, just my preference.

antera23 said:

What are the actual essentials you found that you needed for baby? What didn’t you need that everyone insisted you did? 

Don't get a wipe warmer.  Useless. 
Things we couldn't have lived without: a white noise machine for his room, bouncer and playmate; a decent high chair; rock n play/pack n play w/ bassinet; Moby, soft sided newborn carrier and now an Ergo.

I use glass bottles.  Not practical for daycare but I love that I can put them in the dishwasher and sterilize them.  

Along that line, extra sets of pump parts.  I had 4 sets so I only had to wash/sterilize once a week.

madreofdragons

With DD I did about 12 hours of pitocin induced back labor so I gladly got an epidural. No regrets there. 

As far as sleeping I’ll likely be the odd one out that co-slept. I was nursing and I’m the lightest sleeper ever. We had a few naps in the bassinet. Went from our bed to a toddler bed. 

Product wise, white noise machine was extremely useful. I babywore a lot so my Tula was worth the $ for sure. Changing tables and wipe warmers were worthless to me. So was the crib for that matter. Bouncer and bouncy chair were lifesavers for showering and cooking. I second extra sets of pump parts. 

cmjenkies

antera23 said:

What are the actual essentials you found that you needed for baby? What didn’t you need that everyone insisted you did? 

I mean, if we’re going bare basics: somewhere to sleep, something to eat, diapers, wipes, car seat, and something to wear. 

E had severe reflux slept in a RnP or co-slept for the first few months, transitioned to a PnP, and finally to a crib - which he hated. Lou slept in a RnP/co-slept with me early on, then to an arms reach co-sleeper, then to her crib around 5-6 mo. She’s over 2 now and LOVES her crib. She doesn’t try to climb out of it or anything, but I’ll have to transition her to a big girl bed by Christmas time to get ready for the new baby that will share her room. 

If you're breastfeeding, I’d highly recommend Earth Mama Angel Baby nipple butter, the soft gel nipple soothies and/or the ice packs, a good pump (I have had Medela PISA in the past but will definitely be going to a Spectra S1 this time around), and a couple of bottles just in case. If you’re FF, buy a couple of different types of bottles so you can find the best fit for your LO, then add more from there. I am also pro-pacifier, but both of my kids hated them, so.. maybe this time? 

I prefer Pampers swaddlers diapers for NB & size 1, then Target brand (up&up) for sizes 2+. I only use Pampers Sensitive wipes. I used to like Target brand in the purple package but they changed them and they’re garbage now.

Other “necessities” for me: a baby wearing contraption (or two, three, four of them haha). I love woven ring slings for tiny squishes because they allow for easy ups and downs. As baby gets older, I like a SSC (soft structured carrier). My SSC brand of choice is Tula, but there are several good options. Keeps ‘em close, but keeps your hands free! I strongly recommend AGAINST forward facing baby wearing, and if anyone wants any specific info on the reasons why, I’d be happy to share in another post. 

More random product recommendations: Triple paste diaper rash cream (big tub, has no scent and works great. I can’t stand the smell of Desitin), JuJuBe diaper bags (pricey, but easy to wash and has a lot of different styles - I’m going to get one of their pump bags this time around), zipper jammies over snaps (snaps are the devil), rock n’ play, and lots of snacks and water bedside for momma (and/or dad) during late night feeds.

Things I personally don’t use: Baby tubs - DH holds our babies in the shower or they get sink sponge baths, swing (but only because my demon children hated them), wipe warmer, diaper genie, changing table (hello couch, floor, bed, lap), baby monitor (mostly because baby rooms in with us in the beginning).

risainthesky

becks_726 said:

Ooh! I have a question! 

What sleeping arrangements have you found to work the best for you in the first year? Nighttime and naptime if different. Specifics about the required gear would be extra appreciated! 

We did the rock n play the first two months due to reflux but my favorite thing ever was getting a cheapy IKEA crib, taking the side off, and making a side car on our bed. That way he had a separate place to sleep but it was super easy to nurse in the middle of the night. (Once I figured out how to nurse side lying... it was a game changer.

cmjenkies

@risainthesky sidelying nursing FTW. How many times did you drop your cellphone onto baby’s head tho? 

kayjay44

madreofdragons I co-slept for a few months with DS until I had to start getting ready to go back to work. Worked for us and he's the best sleeper now. He asks to go to bed nightly when he's tired.

disneybaby84

@becks_726 in my situation I was living in a one bedroom apartment, so baby spent the first year im the same room with  me.  First 2 months he slept in the rock n play. Shortly after 2 months, he slept in a crib in the same bedroom. He never slept through the night permanently until we moved into a house when he was 13 months old. Second kid, Once they get to month 4, sleeping in their own room.

disneybaby84

@antera23 personally my favorite items, #1lamp with soft light, you don’t want those middle of the night wake ups to be too stressful. #2, munchkin diaper pail, I never smelled the dirty diapers in there. #3, a really comfortable nursery chair, you might spend hours on that chair, don’t get one that you don’t like. #4, travel mugs, because when the baby wants to sleep on you while you’re rocking the nursery chair and you want coffee, a travel mug is the best way to keep it warm and not spill on baby.

kayjay44

Also, we cloth diapered with our first and did with our second until I went from working 40 hrs a week to working 50-80 a week.

allthingsgo

Lots of good info here! Just some things to second and add:

We used a swaddle from day one and it was great. Just got the halo kind off amazon and DD loved it.

For the first 5 months DD slept in our room on the bassinet attachment of the pack n play which also had a changing pad for those MOTN diaper changes. It was great especially with poopslotions or leaks, very easy to wipe clean. 

She usually napped in the pack n play or rock n play. I also would use the rock n play to keep her nearby while I was showering or cooking etc. 

All babies are different and I recommend buying a few single bottles to see which they like before going all in on one type. 

Highly recommend the website Lucie’s list. Really helped make sense of all the stuff you need and why and things you can do without. Has good thorough reviews on different must have products such as carseats, strollers, high chairs etc as well as other helpful baby and child care info. 

Finally this may be a personal preference since I’m tall but I love and still use our changing table. It is attached to her dresser with a changing pad inside it and has saved my back. Just something to consider. 

Favorite carriers: Solly wrap (so much lighter easier to use than moby or a ring sling for me) and Boba Soft structured carrier. 

ginger1228

Lots of burp cloths and a nose Frida are must haves. I bought cloth diapers to use as burp cloths. Perfect size and cheaper in bulk. 

madreofdragons

Yeah. NOSEFRIDA. That sucker works. Pun intended.

cmjenkies

madreofdragons said:

Yeah. NOSEFRIDA. That sucker works. Pun intended.

Ya know, I bought one for my youngest and only had to use it like once. She’s a snotty monster now, but not when she was a little squish. 

BourbonBiscuits

Essentials: really nice swaddles, a shit ton of diapers, baby nail clippers and those little gowns with the elastic at the bottom. DS wore those baby gowns alllll the time when he was tiny. Makes the super frequent diaper changes much easier and faster. Don’t bother buying cute little outfits unless you have a specific occasion. 

As as far as epidurals are concerned, I got mine after 12 hours of back labor from pitocin too! No regrets at all. I got all the side effects though (puked nonstop, violent chills, all that) and then it wore off right when I had to start pushing. That was ... unpleasant. But I’m glad i had it when my son got stuck in my tailbone and I had to flip him around with that gd peanut ball. 

kayjay44

I still use our nose freida on both kids. Four year olds still aren’t great at blowing their nose. 

madreofdragons

kayjay44 said:

I still use our nose freida on both kids. Four year olds still aren’t great at blowing their nose. 

I’m not going to lie, I tried it on myself last cold. 

kayjay44

@madreofdragons I’ve totally done it. 

antera23

You are all so helpful. Thank you so much! 

cmjenkies

kayjay44 said:

I still use our nose freida on both kids. Four year olds still aren’t great at blowing their nose. 

The only thing Lou likes up her nose is her finger   

campinginthewoods

Evidencebasedbirth.com is a terrific resource and all her articles are free and reliable.  

notthecheat

antera23 said:

What are the actual essentials you found that you needed for baby? What didn’t you need that everyone insisted you did? 

I didn't think we would really need a baby swing. LIFESAVER. We had a portable/table top swing and at times she would ONLY sleep in that. (I know she's not supposed to but ya know. Sanity.) It was also easy to take from room to room when I needed to get things done. Disclaimer: we only had a crib though, not a RNP or something like that.

Our high chair was a portable one we left strapped to a regular chair for daily use. But SO helpful to grab and pack last minute if we were having a meal at someone else's house or something like that. LOVED that.

Another vote for NoseFrieda. Love it.

We did not get a comfy chair/glider for the nursery and I was so sorry.

There was nothing everyone insisted we needed that I found useless. Some things we barely used but they were all due to baby's preference.

kayjay44

As comparison, my kids HATED the swing. Borrow one to try if you can first. Especially before spending $$$$ on a Mamaroo and Rockaroo like we did. 

conchispita

I second the comment on zipper jammies over the snaps. When you are changing diapers in the middle of the night it is a game changer.

one thing that hasn’t been mentioned yet is get a good thermometer. 

DD slept in a bedside bassinet until I started working. When I went back to work she started waking up every 2hrs to nurse (she was sleeping 4-6 hrs at night before that), so we started co-sleeping. I struggled with PPD and co-sleeping helped with that too. 

becks_726

Thank you all for your replies! This is super valuable information. Keep it coming! 

Omie_Wise

Re sleeping: My son started out in a cradle in our room in his (don’t flame me) DockaTot and the Ollie swaddle. Around 4 months he moved to his crib and we used the Merlin for awhile. Now he sleeps in a sleep sack. For naps he napped on me forever. Then one day he was able to go in his crib. You figure it out with the help of low self control brought on by sleep deprivation, an iPhone, and an amazon account.