@VallieS86 I hear you about just wanting to lay around and rest, except for those pesky toddlers. My DD is 3. There are times I think about how luxurious it is to be pregnant with no small children to also care for. I was spoiled my first pregnancy and didn't even know it.
My motorola video monitor started beeping MOTN because it was dying...while plugged in...and now WON'T charge!! Thankfully DD room is right across the hall, so we just opened both doors to hear if she cries. But totally not ok, and MIL is taking her for the weekend, so now have to stop at Target and buy a new monitor, rather than buy the one I want on Amazon. Lovely.
@VallieS86 I hear you about just wanting to lay around and rest, except for those pesky toddlers. My DD is 3. There are times I think about how luxurious it is to be pregnant with no small children to also care for. I was spoiled my first pregnancy and didn't even know it.
DD is almost 2 and she keeps jumping on my stomach or head diving first onto me. She definitely keeps me on my toes w this pregnancy!! I try to tell her there’s a baby in there but she’s too young to understand that her actions are risky so I just remove myself from the scene now. DH takes over while I go lay down in our room. I feel bad since she wants to play w me but sometimes I just need that space to rest! It is the worst when he has late nights. No laying around there!
My little dude is sick. He had school yesterday and then we went to the park and swimming and he was fine. Then late yesterday afternoon he started saying “mommy I’m tired!” He NEVER tells me he’s tired. Then he fell asleep on the couch. Now he’s got a fever and says his head hurts.
Wow, my heart goes out to all of the moms with little ones to also care for! May you have all of the strength and patience!
Does anyone feel that the first trimester (especially their first time) was a bit isolating? I feel as though my friends (majority of whom are still single or don't have kids) do not really understand why I have periods of social withdrawal both because of feeling sick as well as feeling down emotionally. It's harder when I am trying so hard to balance a full-time schedule and moving apartments, among other things. Just not sure what they're imagining I'm doing, but they're pretty annoyed I don't pick up the phone or answer texts as promptly...it's kind of frustrating to have to explain and apologize over and over again. I do my best to stay in touch otherwise but need time. It just makes me wonder how understanding they're going to be when I actually have the baby.
@bb2510 yes! I just tell friends that I don’t have the energy to do anything after 4pm and I’m hoping to catch up with them once I’m in the 2nd trimester. A couple of them have offered to bring us dinner and visit for a little bit which has been amazing. Their expectations are low, I don’t feel like I have to clean for them, and they bring dinner for my husband. Cause...you know...it’s unlilely that I’m going to eat anything anyway.
@lamega I’m so happy to hear your friends are so understanding and kind enough to bring food! I think I’ll use that line, “catch up with you in the second trimester”
@bb2510 Yep, and just stop talking to me altogether. At this point, I feel that reevaluating friendships is a good idea, because I don't want "friends" who are only there when they find me to be convenient.
I had a long talk with DH yesterday. He's been (mostly inadvertently) making me feel bad about the slack he's had to pick up for me around the house and with DD during first tri. I explained to him that he knows I am not one to shirk responsibility for no reason and I am usually very on top of things, especially care of our daughter. And while I know it is hard for him to have to do so much extra while he is busy working and trying to take care of the new house, I needed him to understand that I was doing everything I could and that his comments were hurtful and not ok. I know they are out of frustration and just his way of venting, but they were causing a divide. He was a bit better about things yesterday so I'm hoping it'll continue.
Me: 28 DH: 26 Married: November 2015 TTC#1: January 2016 BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16 BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17 DD Born 06/23/17 TFAS: April 2018 BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19
I started a new job at the end of Feb, leaving a position I loved and staff I loved to try something new and exciting. My old boss is great but very scatterbrained. After four years there, and basically being the #2 person in the org, I didn't even get a goodbye lunch. It's a small staff and we had done goodbye luncheons for people who had been with the org wayyy less time than me. I know she didn't do it maliciously; she's the kind of person who just has so much going on it doesn't occur to her. But that's one of her weaknesses as a boss because her employees don't feel appreciated and valued. She's quick to point out negative but not great at reinforcing and expressing gratitude.
Anyway, she keeps offering me $ for little side projects. #1 it was a broke nonprofit so I feel bad taking $ from them. #2 I kind of just want to make a clean break from being an employee there. There are awesome programs which I still volunteer to help on, but I feel like (even though she's offering me $ for my time) it's obnoxious to keep asking me to do things when she should be coaching her new staff to take on projects. And the bitter, resentful person in me still feels like it was rude to not give me any kind of sendoff and that still hurts. UGH egos get in the way in life when we really want them to just step aside and shut the F up!
My wife and I have conceived a babe with my body and frozen donor sperm through IUI, with medication support (clomid, ovidrel, and injections of progesterone) IUI #1, #2, and #3: Dec 2017, Jan 2018, and Feb 2018 - all BFN HSG Test: April 2018 - all clear! IUI #4: April 15/16, 2018 - BFP!! EDD: Jan 7, 2019
JFC seriously some men are so self involved. They stand in the middle of the hall blocking it so no one can get by chatting away. I just got a call and had to get by and I had to literally move one of the culprits. There are other people that exist in this world. GTFO out of the way.
It took me forever to think of something that sounded good for dinner- chicken parmasan. Now that I’ve been smelling it the whole time I’ve been preparing it, however, the smell is making me sick and I’m fairly sure if I try to eat it, I’m going to puke.
@leighbrek I had that issue with my first one. We still did girls night once a month. They even threw me a surprise baby shower one night. Then I had my daughter and we tried to do girls nights. I switched positions at my job so I didn't see them as much.... they stopped inviting me out and made no attempts to talk to me. Don't want to make you worried but I think it's more isolating after baby.. but then you make new friends with other moms and realize you're probably better off.
@VallieS86 Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm a loner by nature, so it doesn't bother me much to cut people out when they act like jerks. I think you're right that it would be valuable to make mom friends, though, especially as to demonstrate good relationships to the baby.
I also think it depends on the friend. A couple of friends of mine had babies before I did, and we still got together and hung out. But we generally had their babies along when we did, and I tried to help with their kids like an aunt. I was never the one to suggest for them to get a sitter so we could hang out with just us grown up girls, though occasionally one of them would suggest it. And now that I have kids, too, I will occasionally suggest we gets together without the kids. But I also better understand how hard it is to plan regular things without the kids, and I’m so glad I never suggested it when I was the one without kids. We still generally plan something that involves all the kids when we get together.
@leighbrek I meant to respond sooner to you! This definitely happened to me where DH and I were the first ones to have a baby. The very first time I ever felt isolated was when we hosted Friendsgiving while I was in my first trimester w DD. My friend complained that her cousin didn’t even have the decency to put on make up at their last holiday gathering bc she was too sick/pregnant. I wanted to smack her in the face for talking smack about her family member esp. when she hasn’t gone through it herself. I recall being turned off by her comment, “I mean, I get that she’s pregnant and nauseous but there’s no excuse for looking like sh*t when a bunch of families are getting together!”
Then a few more comments would fly by as my pregnancy progressed then turned into parenthood. The single friends who have been taking care of their little siblings or cousins would offer unwanted advice on all sorts of things I was going through besides breastfeeding.
I felt isolated in these different events but learned to brush it off because I can’t ever make them see the way I see things when it comes to pregnancy and becoming a parent unless they go through it themselves. We moved out of the city and into the suburbs here where it’s not that far away (20 min drive). To this day, they only visited a handful of times. I get it though. They want me to meet them for dinner at 8 PM on a weeknight in the city. They want to go out and bar hop in the city on weekends. They want to go see every singer thst comes to town and are on their computers at work waiting for seats to become available while I’m at work going through photos of DD I took over the weekend. Not saying I am now this boring person but there are definite lifestyle changes and priorities that come with this.
However, not all of this is bad. Sure, the first few posts of them on Instagram at Beyonce concert or at a live jazz bar on a Saturday night might sting you a little while your hungry baby is breastfeeding hardcore for the umpteeth time that day but I think these are natural transitions in life that everyone at some point goes through.
You come out of this on the other side developing deeper relationships w those that are walking similar paths. It’s inevitable and it isn’t a bad thing at all. The single friends are still friends I keep in touch with here and there but they’re not my go to support when it comes to motherhood. They always say things like, “I don’t know how you do it! I went out last night and was sooo hungover the next day. I thought I would die from exhaustion!” And I just smile and move on - talk about things they can relate to that are going on in my life other than babies. It’s not a sudden transition either, at least for me. It was a gradual transition - one I learned to accept and adapt as I found and developed new relationships with others as time went by. I see them as growing pains
@AliKay20 For sure relationships will change, especially as your priorities shift away from late night get-togethers and concerts to changing diapers. I was talking about the people who full out disappear and treat a woman like a leper when they learn she's pregnant. It's a funny dynamic.
Re: Rants!!!! Week of June 10th
Married: 8/11/2007
DD: Born 2/3/17
BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
Does anyone feel that the first trimester (especially their first time) was a bit isolating? I feel as though my friends (majority of whom are still single or don't have kids) do not really understand why I have periods of social withdrawal both because of feeling sick as well as feeling down emotionally. It's harder when I am trying so hard to balance a full-time schedule and moving apartments, among other things. Just not sure what they're imagining I'm doing, but they're pretty annoyed I don't pick up the phone or answer texts as promptly...it's kind of frustrating to have to explain and apologize over and over again. I do my best to stay in touch otherwise but need time. It just makes me wonder how understanding they're going to be when I actually have the baby.
Married: November 2015
TTC#1: January 2016
BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
DD Born 06/23/17
TFAS: April 2018
BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19
I started a new job at the end of Feb, leaving a position I loved and staff I loved to try something new and exciting. My old boss is great but very scatterbrained. After four years there, and basically being the #2 person in the org, I didn't even get a goodbye lunch. It's a small staff and we had done goodbye luncheons for people who had been with the org wayyy less time than me. I know she didn't do it maliciously; she's the kind of person who just has so much going on it doesn't occur to her. But that's one of her weaknesses as a boss because her employees don't feel appreciated and valued. She's quick to point out negative but not great at reinforcing and expressing gratitude.
Anyway, she keeps offering me $ for little side projects. #1 it was a broke nonprofit so I feel bad taking $ from them. #2 I kind of just want to make a clean break from being an employee there. There are awesome programs which I still volunteer to help on, but I feel like (even though she's offering me $ for my time) it's obnoxious to keep asking me to do things when she should be coaching her new staff to take on projects. And the bitter, resentful person in me still feels like it was rude to not give me any kind of sendoff and that still hurts. UGH egos get in the way in life when we really want them to just step aside and shut the F up!
My wife and I have conceived a babe with my body and frozen donor sperm through IUI, with medication support (clomid, ovidrel, and injections of progesterone)
IUI #1, #2, and #3: Dec 2017, Jan 2018, and Feb 2018 - all BFN
HSG Test: April 2018 - all clear!
IUI #4: April 15/16, 2018 - BFP!! EDD: Jan 7, 2019
Then a few more comments would fly by as my pregnancy progressed then turned into parenthood. The single friends who have been taking care of their little siblings or cousins would offer unwanted advice on all sorts of things I was going through besides breastfeeding.
I felt isolated in these different events but learned to brush it off because I can’t ever make them see the way I see things when it comes to pregnancy and becoming a parent unless they go through it themselves. We moved out of the city and into the suburbs here where it’s not that far away (20 min drive). To this day, they only visited a handful of times. I get it though. They want me to meet them for dinner at 8 PM on a weeknight in the city. They want to go out and bar hop in the city on weekends. They want to go see every singer thst comes to town and are on their computers at work waiting for seats to become available while I’m at work going through photos of DD I took over the weekend. Not saying I am now this boring person but there are definite lifestyle changes and priorities that come with this.
However, not all of this is bad. Sure, the first few posts of them on Instagram at Beyonce concert or at a live jazz bar on a Saturday night might sting you a little while your hungry baby is breastfeeding hardcore for the umpteeth time that day but I think these are natural transitions in life that everyone at some point goes through.
You come out of this on the other side developing deeper relationships w those that are walking similar paths. It’s inevitable and it isn’t a bad thing at all. The single friends are still friends I keep in touch with here and there but they’re not my go to support when it comes to motherhood. They always say things like, “I don’t know how you do it! I went out last night and was sooo hungover the next day. I thought I would die from exhaustion!” And I just smile and move on - talk about things they can relate to that are going on in my life other than babies. It’s not a sudden transition either, at least for me. It was a gradual transition - one I learned to accept and adapt as I found and developed new relationships with others as time went by. I see them as growing pains
I was talking about the people who full out disappear and treat a woman like a leper when they learn she's pregnant. It's a funny dynamic.