UO Thursday (5/31)

mytrueloves

DunkinDecaf

Pencil-only eyebrows make me cringe.

kiwi2628

@DunkinDecaf I truly hope that is actually just a popular opinion

bel194

I feel like this one might get flamed.. It bugs me when stay at home parents put their infants/toddlers in daycare part-time with the intent that they want the child to be around other children and get socialization.  There are so many other ways that kids can be around other children without taking up scarce daycare spots that working parents depend on.  This might also be a regional UO.. I would have no issue if there were enough spots for every kid out there.  I've just been seeing so many posts on my area's daycare resource facebook page of parents desperately looking for child care so that they don't have to quit their job while other parents are casually posting and looking for a spot, while treating it like daycare is a fun activity that their kid gets to go do. 

knottieamusements

@bel194-

Not a flame.  Definitely.  

My comment on that is that there are day care programs that are only half a day or 2-3 days a week that those parents should be looking for, rather than a full time program.  

I checked into a couple of the programs through local umm... we’ll say churches, for lack of a more inclusive word... and none of them were appropriate for my needs as a full-time employee and mother.  This made me sad, because those programs/organizations demonstrably have values consistent with what I want my child to learn.  But I will find other ways to expose them to those values.  

jynjer4

Pretty sure this will make me an outcast but here goes. I hate cats. 

pajamstagrams

@jynjer91 me too! I'm also allergic, so that doesn't help. #teamdog

mytrueloves

@jynjer91 @jemmerjams
 

knottieamusements

I have a cat and a dog.  I love most cats. I hate most dogs. 

I love my dog.  

Don’t ask.  He’s mine.  I wanted him even though I don’t like dogs.  And he’s mine.  

jynjer4

@mytrueloves I cannot be shamed by a Winchester! Especially Dean  I just get distracted!

ninji15

@bel194 Nope I agree with you 100% I had such a HARD time finding care with DD. I am on a local mommy and me group on facebook and there are SO many events SAHP can attend and socialize their kids that I can't do because I work that they could take advantage of instead but don't. I know it may still be an UO but I get it.


That brings me to my UO I guess. There should be more working mom friendly events because they are all during the week around here at like 10am or 2pm. Its frustrating, I would love to go but never can! I know there have been some attempts to do a working mom meet up at like 6pm on weekdays but no one but myself actually showed because we are all too busy I assume. I need more weekend events in my life!

rc-cola

Team CATS forever. Though I also like dogs.

Since the gauntlet was thrown with cats I feel that I can finally admit here that I hated the Harry Potter movies.  Loved the books though!!

pajamstagrams

@rc-cola would it have killed them to give Daniel Radcliffe GREEN contacts instead of blue? I mean COME ON, major discrepancy from the book. Also the 3rd movie wasn't great, the director got way too artsy with it. It's Harry Potter man, chill out, you're not going to win an Oscar anyway.

rc-cola

@jemmerjams totally. That and I don’t know, acting classes? The first three movies were painful. And why so many cuts from the book but then minute long shots of hedwig flying?!? We get it. She’s a bird.

DunkinDecaf

@bel194 mmmhm, that gets a solid eye roll from me. If I hadn’t been able to find a preschool program for DD1 this past year (which I almost didn’t bc she just barely missed the age cutoff) I’d have been putting her in a part time daycare. No shame. I had already done two applications as a backup plan. Every kid is different, and she was a lot to handle as a 2 year old. She genuinely DID need the socialization. She was growing up in a family where she was the only grandchild on both sides of the family, and I didn’t have friends nearby that had kids. She felt like the only kid in the universe, and it showed in her behavior. A positive way to put it was “assertive”. We did go to music class and gymnastics, and I sent her to a playgroup 3 mornings a week, but it was not enough. She needed a peer group to engage in without a parent around, and she needed other adult role models to tell her when her behavior wasn’t acceptable. I was worried she was becoming a bully, because she just didn’t understand other kids’ needs and feelings. She’d never HAD to share before. She needed a classroom environment, and every preschool had turned us away because she would be 2.8 instead of 2.9 in September, until we found a Montessori program that starts as early as 15m. I will always put my kid’s needs first. If daycare was our only choice to get her in a peer group like that, that’s what we would’ve done.

Also worth mentioning, sometimes the words a SAHM says are “they need the socialization” and what they mean is “I need a break”. That’s valid too. It’s hard to be a SAHM. It’s really hard. If you don’t have family nearby or someone who can give you a break, a kid like my eldest is enough to drive you up the wall if you’re with them 24/7. She’s such a joy and I love her to pieces, but I can absolutely imagine circumstances when I would choose part time daycare for my own mental health. Judging another parents choices on something like childcare makes me a bit ragey.

sliztee

I like dogs...that belong to other people. And don't slobber on me. And don't stink. And don't bark.

Yeah, pretty sure that just makes me a cat person.

mytrueloves

The movies would've been better if Harry had had any sort of personality at all.

I agree with @DunkinDecaf. ODD was the type of child who needed way more socialization than we could get at parks, playdates, or even classes. She didn't start thriving until she started preschool and had a large group of children her age to interact with every day. Making a temporary friend at the park that you'll probably only get to see that one time is not the same as learning how to form long-term relationships with peers that you have to see and interact with every single day. 

bel194

knottieamusements said:

@bel194-

Not a flame.  Definitely.  

My comment on that is that there are day care programs that are only half a day or 2-3 days a week that those parents should be looking for, rather than a full time program.  

I checked into a couple of the programs through local umm... we’ll say churches, for lack of a more inclusive word... and none of them were appropriate for my needs as a full-time employee and mother.  This made me sad, because those programs/organizations demonstrably have values consistent with what I want my child to learn.  But I will find other ways to expose them to those values.  

I guess I wasn't so much worried about being flamed, I was just hoping to not spark of working mom vs. sahm debate (I've been both and they both have their unique challenges and special kinds of mom guilt).  As for the part time programs, that really sucks that you weren't able to find one that fit your needs. We ended up finding a part-time one for DD that we really liked and offered wrap around care, so while it works with my full-time schedule, we are paying a lot more than we would with a standard full-time daycare spot. 

bel194

Yeah I guess I see daycare and preschool as two different things.  I totally agree that at certain point, kids do need socialization and to be around adults that aren't their parents.  It seems like there are several preschool options out there (this may vary from place to place, obviously).  I was thinking more of of the under 24 month traditional daycare spots that are so hard to find and typically have long waitlists.  Probably should have clarified that in the beginning- sorry if I offended anyone! 

Lisa3379

Yup... while I respect the UO, and you’re obviously entitled to it, I’m very excited to put DS in part time day care this December - a spot that we reserved for him 6 months ago. He’ll benefit from it, and I’ll get a slight breather three days a week while I’m taking care of his little brother. And yeah, random meet ups at the park don’t provide all that much socialization - or help me recharge and save my sanity. 

tinattt23

Eh, the options for SAHM (or WAHM) or not nearly the same as daycare level socialization. Our local mom’s group meets maybe 2-3 times a week for a couple hours at random times and places. We’re lucky to be able to make it to one event a week (especially when everyone is working around naps). A lot different than consistently socializing for multiple hours multiple days a week. We plan on putting DS in parting daycare/preschool hopefully a bit before #2. I work at home and can’t posibly juggle them both and still work. We have a part time nanny, but I’d rather DS go socialize/learn than just have more nanny time. 

hellopartyof5

See the thing about part time daycare vs. "group activities" is the amount of time. Library story time? 30 min. Mygym class? 45min-1hr. Music? 45min. Swim? 30 min. Unless you have all of these every day they really don't take up much time and ESPECIALLY when it's crummy outside (aka a huge part of the year) your child will go insane and you will too trying to keep them busy. If I could afford part time daycare this fall to put my almost 2 yr old in I would 100%. They enjoy the time and yea I need some space with my newborn. We didn't have much for DS to do when DD was born and holy sh*t that winter was hard. Never again! I'm signing DD up for all the classes and DS in in preschool 5 days a week. 

krzyriver

Z was in daycare 1 day a week purely for socialization. No shame. I'm not a SAHM, but my mother watches him for free. She needed a break. Being home with a kid 24/7 is hard. Having a kid in your home 40 hours a week when you're older is hard. Everyone is entitled to utilizing those openings. Z gets socialization other places now, including his soccer classes. That's 45 minutes once a week. He really needs more than that as he is a very social, high energy child. Unfortunately I can not afford it right now. If I can before he starts school, he'll be back in daycare 1-2 days a week. Same for #3.

lest12

UO:  I think the show 13 Reasons Why on Netflix is borderline irresponsible and I don't like how it portrays teen suicide at all. 

Disclaimer - I've only seen Season 1 and part of Season 2, not the whole series.

mytrueloves

@lest12 I agree. I like the show anyway, but I wouldn't want my kid or teen watching it without a serious discussion on why it's irresponsible first.

knottieamusements

I don’t think what @bel194 is arguing is that pre-school aged kids don’t need socialization provided by daycare (or that their primary caregivers may need a break).  

I think what she is arguing is that it makes it harder to find openings for fulltime daycare when the limited available spots are taken by part-time students. 

Maybe this is more a structural problem with how daycare is offered in the U.S.?

jennybean80

@jemmerjams they tried giving him green contacts and he turned out to be allergic. There is one scene in the first movie where he has them in (Hogwarts Express I think) but that’s it. They could at least have picked an actress for Lily who had similar eyes to Daniel Radcliffe... 

tinattt23

@lest12 I’m not one to get worked up about how a show portrays issues like that. Season 1 I thought was fine. Season 2 was meh until the last few episodes. But then it drove even me nuts. Like seriously, everyone in this show learned nothing. It’s one thing for characters to do the wrong thing and learn from their mistakes. But they just keep being stupid. And when you’re dealing with some seriously heavy and very currently relavent issues, they at least need a character who is learning to do the right things. DH and I stayed up finishing up the last couple episodes last week, thinking the good part had to be coming. Then we stayed up another hour ranting about it.  

lest12

mytrueloves said:

@lest12 I agree. I like the show anyway, but I wouldn't want my kid or teen watching it without a serious discussion on why it's irresponsible first.

@mytrueloves Right?  I didn't 'not like' the show, I actually got really into it... but at the end of the day there was something about it that didn't sit right with me.  I thought it was romanticizing a lot of things that shouldn't be romanticized.

Also, (possible spoiler alert?) if anyone ever did to my son what was done to Clay in his tape, I would be out of my mind. 

lest12

tinattt23 said:

@lest12 I’m not one to get worked up about how a show portrays issues like that. Season 1 I thought was fine. Season 2 was meh until the last few episodes. But then it drove even me nuts. Like seriously, everyone in this show learned nothing. It’s one thing for characters to do the wrong thing and learn from their mistakes. But they just keep being stupid. And when you’re dealing with some seriously heavy and very currently relavent issues, they at least need a character who is learning to do the right things. DH and I stayed up finishing up the last couple episodes last week, thinking the good part had to be coming. Then we stayed up another hour ranting about it.  

Again, spoiler alert.

Right?  I haven't gotten that far, but I thought there was some hope with how Clay handled things... but at the same time, it made me angry and I thought that was another irresponsible way to go about it.  A 17 year old kid shouldn't have to be doing that.

Lisa3379

@knottieamusements I don’t think that’s what’s she’s arguing, either, but she did kinda equate the kind of socialization kids can get through day care with that through play dates and mom meet ups, which isn’t true, in my opinion. 

I get the frustration of looking for day care. 

knottieamusements

Related to the 13 Reasons commentary—

Twilight was awful.  I read the first two books, but the second book just royally pissed me off.  I hate to say I would never let my kid read something, but this one comes close.  Seriously- the heroine is rejected by the boy, becomes suicidally depressed, and then discovers she can get the boy’s attention by taking extreme risks; she gets the boy back at the end of the book!

What kind of message does that send to young girls?  That it is okay to wrap your entire identity around a boy, and you’ll get him back if you try to kill yourself?

mytrueloves

@knottieamusements
I completely agree about Twilight. But I'd expand by saying that the relationship between Bella and Edward was also abusive. 
I had the entire Twilight series from when I was a teen. My teenage niece asked if she could borrow them and I told her she could read them after we had a discussion about abuse. Then when she was reading it, I made her pick out parts of the book that could be taken as stalking / abuse. 
At one point she thought the fact that Edward was sneaking into Bella's room to watch her sleep was romantic. So I asked her, "How would you feel if instead of Edward, it was the 80 year old man who lives across the street? Would you think it was romantic then?" That was when she started to understand. 

knottieamusements

@mytrueloves - Yup, that too.  

I think that particular bit didn’t bother me as much because I read the books as an adult, and recognize that we let a lot of authors take liberties in romantic fiction.  

But yes, I completely see your point- especially since Edward is an 80yr old man (or whatever)- he just masquerades as a teenager- which now that I think about it is even worse.  Eww.  

kiwi2628

Twilight and 50 shades...especially 50 shades the movie. I do not understand how people got through the first book/movie, let alone the rest. They were AWFUL

bel194

Lisa3379 said:

@knottieamusements I don’t think that’s what’s she’s arguing, either, but she did kinda equate the kind of socialization kids can get through day care with that through play dates and mom meet ups, which isn’t true, in my opinion. 

I get the frustration of looking for day care. 

I just want to say before I drop it that I never said anything about mom groups or playdates or bringing your kid to the park for socialization, so I'm not sure where that came from.  There are other curriculum-based programs out there to bring young children to that aren't daycares. But yes, like @knottieamusements said, I was speaking more to the structural issue of child care. 

krzyriver

I enjoyed Twilight when I was younger... but I was still an adult and could recognize the problematic behavior. I would never let my young child read it. Don't get me started on 50 Shades of Grey. I know the author from my days of "hanging out" (online) with people who wrote Twilight fanfic. I honestly don't even remember the story, I just remember it was awful and that she turned out to be a B*#$%! Lol

SawyerRichardson

@kiwi2628 UGH I hate 50 Shades! I read the bookstore to see what all they hype was about and hated every minute of it. But once I start something I can't not finish it. I honestly really didn't find that it was that kinky either. Big disappointment.

knottieamusements

It’s funny- I joined my local kink community just about the time the first 50 Shades movie came out.  Everyone assumed I joined because of the movie, but I had been reading kinky erotica for years and didn’t even bother with 50 Shades.  (I read the Amazon book reviews and realized that I would hate the book for some of the same technical reasons I hate Twilight- those reasons aren’t listed above because they have to do with poor writing rather than content.)

Lisa3379

@bel194 I guess I’m not familiar with any curriculum-based programs for 1-2 year olds that aren’t day cares/preschool-type places, so I made an assumption that play groups is what you meant. Apologies. 

mamabearcj

I liked twilight a lot but also read it a kid, Listening to you guys talk about it points out a lot I never even realized!! I also the  Love Harry potter movies but I've never read the books... 

My UO I hate mustard, think its disgusting and too yellow...