UO Thursday 5/31

tessiesmom26

lurvleybunchococonuts

Oh damn... I had thought of 2 earlier this week, but of course now I can't think of them and I didn't write them down.  

tessiesmom26

I hate when people overshare things on FB related to their kids. Achievements are great, share away, but I don't need to see a picture of you covered in your baby's spit up. (Yes, I saw that on FB yesterday)

highsteaks

i just watched the sarah jessica parker episode of comedians in cars getting coffee and she was delightful and beautiful. it was the first time i’ve seen her “as herself” (as much as one will be in front of cameras)  and not as a character in tv/movie roles. i was surprised how funny and easygoing she was.

so, my uo is that sjp is delightful and beautiful.

now, the tina fey episode was at times really awkward; one time she asked jerry seinfeld where his children were at with the whole santa thing. jerry’s response was, “well, i’m jewish, so...” the look on her face. LOL

hollyeva

@highsteaks I love that show! My husband and I watched episodes of that for months in the post-bedtime evening. I agree SJP was awesome and I think she's too-often typecast and not given real opportunities to display her comedic talent.

amjschmidt

Oh, I have one! DH and I got into an argument about this last night.

UO: I love stepping out from an air conditioned building into a hot and humid day. It's like slipping into a warm bath. (Now, it gets old pretty quick, don't get me wrong, but I love that initial feeling. ) 

highsteaks

@amjschmidt whoa, team your husband on this one! 

pink_polkadots

ohhhhh i got one. 

I am all for breastfeeding, formula feeding, pumping... hey, as long as your baby is fed, that's whats most important. What I do not understand is why some women feel like they have to put their breastfeeding OUT THERE. I'm NOT talking about BFing in public...I am talking about the Instagram filtered with snapchat decoration pictures that are uploaded onto social media. I was scrolling through my instagram Explore feed and the amount of boobs with babies attached I see is just weird to me. And almost all of them are more boob then the baby. Sorry, not sorry, I don't want to see your boobs. Feed your baby, whenever, where ever you need to. But a picture of you feeding you baby with a flower crown and sparkly eyes is just weird to me. Just feed your baby. It doesn't need to be made in to a big spectacle. It almost comes off to me like "Ohhh Look at me Im breastfeeding my baby! Im so great Im such a good mommy, look look look LOOOK!"  We are all doing our best. Your photo filter sparkly picture of your boobs doesn't make you any more special than the next mom. Kbye.

ETA: I also understand breastfeeding can create a special bonding moment between mother and child, and sure, you may want to take photos for yourself to remember and commemorate your awesome acheivement. But I feel like those are pictures for you and your family. Not for the entire social media world, and not for attention and hundreds of "likes". 

BabyBoyH92016

@pink_polkadots I agree. I nursed and then ended up combo feeding. Breastfeeding is great! Formula is great too! Feed your baby whenever and however you need to. Your UO reminds me of a viral photo I recently saw. It was a yoga mom doing a handstand  while her kiddo nursed. It’s just too much. 

pink_polkadots

@BabyBoyH92016 or the celebrities. They post pictures of themselves bfing while getting their hair or makeup done by professionals and then the media outlets are like "OMG SHES SUPER MOM LOOK AT HER MULTI-TASKING" and Im like.... "are y'all for real right now?" Major side eye.

lachnessmomster

@pink_polkadots I actually kind of did feel like super mom when I was able to multitask while nursing. 

I guess an UO of mine is I dislike when people schedule inductions to fit their schedule or just to get the baby out sooner. If there's a medical necessity, that's one thing. But if you're just "sick of being pregnant" or are trying to plan a birth around some life event, that rubs me the wrong way. My son was 11 days late, and was I sick of being pregnant? Yes. Obviously. And everyone kept saying that he was going to be a huge baby if I didn't get induced soon (he wasn't -  he was 6 lbs 8 oz), and people were even jokingly giving my husband shit at work because I chose not to get induced. I just feel really strongly that if baby isn't arriving yet, he/she isn't ready. No one's been pregnant forever. *shrugs*

ETA: spelling

pink_polkadots

@lachnessmomster the point i was making is that breastfeeding while sitting in a chair while professional makeup and hairstylists pamper your every whim, with a nanny probably waiting right there in the wings ready to grab the baby...... its hardly multitasking or out of this world unbelievable. But the media sees that and makes a ridiculous deal out of it and its like, really? You really think that makes her super mom? Like, come on, now let me show you some REAL super moms.

MouseMama817

@pink_polkadots That’s what I was about to say. Being worked on by a glam team while sitting in a chair BFing is hardly multitasking. I’m sure that whatever @lachnessmomster was doing while BFing was actual multitasking. I have my fingers crossed so, so hard that BFing works for us this time. I exclusively pumped with DD and it was so difficult. 

My UO is that I kind of side-eye parents that don’t put their babies on any sort of schedule whatsoever. Obviously everyone parents differently and I’m not proposing that kids should have every minute of the day planned, but I am a firm believer in set meal times and sleep times. Kids thrive on structure and I just don’t get parents who are totally flippant about giving it to them. 

firsttimespartanmom

I don’t know if this is an UO or not but with the talk about breastfeeding I’ll put it out there: I’m kind of terrified of it! Ideally I will do it, but I feel like there is so much pressure that it’s the “right” thing to do and the thought of it really freaks me out a little. 

MouseMama817

@firsttimespartanmom I stressed out so much about this before I had my first. Mostly I was afraid of supply issues but that stemmed from thinking breastfeeding was the only way. It didn’t help that whenever I would take DD in for her shots, I would always have a bottle of breast milk ready to calm her down and the nurses would always inquire whether or not it was breast milk. Why even ask? 
Fed is best, bottom line. 

lifesabeach85

@MouseMama817 Yes!!! One of my sisters insisted she was never going to put her son on a schedule, she thought he would always be just as happy as he was in the nb phase to sleep wherever, go to late dinners, just go along with her life. LOL. Surprise, surprise, she is now super strict to the 7pm bedtime, only sleep in the crib, etc. Most people I know end up doing that, though I have one friend who really never did, and it's actually hard to see her because she never knows when her kids will need to nap, eat, be in good moods, or anything.

I'll offer my own opinion in that I think it's perfectly acceptable for certain events to be adults only and people should NOT expect to be able to bring their kids to everything. I know (and have heard of more) people who get their panties in a wad if they are told that they can't bring their kids to a wedding/dinner/party or whatever. I get that finding a sitter can be hard/expensive, but still. We have a superbowl party every year and designate it as adults only, because 90% of our friends have toddlers and that's not the party we want to have - we go to enough birthday parties on the weekends.

BabyBoyH92016

@firsttimespartanmom I think you are feeling what a lot of moms feel. I mentioned earlier that I ended up combo feeding my baby. I’m not going to lie that it didn’t upset me at first that it came to that, but I got over it pretty quickly. 

I think the the nice thing about being a second time mom is that I give wayyyyy less about certain societal pressures. I’m sure I won’t put myself through what I did with my son if exclusively breastfeeding doesn’t work out with this little one. 

middleschoolmommy

On the topic of breast feeding, I assume my view is unpopular. I'm refusing to do it. I have underdeveloped breast tissue (thanks pcos) and I could never produce more than half an oz for ds. I'm too worried about this one not getting enough to eat.
I'm going to pump and get whatever I can, but unless a miracle occurs, I'll be supplementing with formula very early on. I was so hyper focused on DS's weight that I know I'll worry about this baby's too, even if she isn't a preemie like her brother. The way I see it, why put extra stress and anxiety on myself?

BabyBoyH92016

@middleschoolmommy Everyone should do what works best for them, and a Mother’s mental health and happiness is extremely important.

Yes! Yes! Yes! To schedules. I don’t side eye people who don’t do them because I have come across some kiddos who are really just go with the flow and do fine. My son definitely needs structure and i am VERY strict when it comes to sleep. For the most part, he is an excellent sleeper, and I’d like to keep it that way. I’m sure I’ve gotten a side-eye because I’ll skip an event or leave early because I’m not willing to push bedtime/nap time back. I can be a little flexible sometimes. Maybe 30 or so minutes, but I’m not willing to go past that. 

msb11182018

@middleschoolmommy you're not alone. I also do not plan on breastfeeding. I did with DS for the first 3 months but I was working 12 hour shifts, trying to find time for pump breaks and my supply was never that great because of it. I also will hopefully be in my first year of teaching this time around so having to figure out pumping schedules and just deal with the stress of it just seems too overwhelming to me. I may try to pump while on maternity leave but I'm not going to stress myself out over it, baby will get fed one way or another.

MouseMama817

@middleschoolmommy I don’t view that as unpopular at all. I think that if you refuse to do it because you just couldn’t wait to be able to have nightly cocktails again or you didn’t want your boobs to sag or something then that would probably be unpopular but not if you have a genuine medical reason. I hope none of that is unpopular LOL. One of my childhood best friends also has PCOS  and just had a little girl who she isn’t able to breast-feed and she was feeling really guilty about it. I was like “Girl your baby is a damn miracle! Who cares how she’s getting her nutrition as long as she’s getting it.”

@lifesabeach85 Yep. A family member of mine was out shopping yesterday and complained about how terrible her son was being. I asked what time of day it was and surprise surprise, it was lunchtime. You would never catch me out  and about with DD at that time unless we were going to get food. And she gets angry when he falls asleep in the car because it means he won’t nap at home....maybe stop driving around town during the times he typically naps? I don’t know just a suggestion. 
 Also totally agree with you on adult only events. I actually will bow out of meeting up with friends sometimes if I don’t have childcare because I know I’ll be spending the entire time wrangling my toddler. That’s not fun for me or for them. 

firsttimespartanmom

+1 to adult only events. It annoys me when kids are at weddings, we just got married and invited no kids except family to ours and it was delightful! 

herewegoagain3rd

We are a family that has a pretty flowing schedule. Unfortunately, it is necessary in our life. As a teacher, I come home any time from 4 to 6 depending on how much work I have. Also, my husband works over night so he isn't awake until I come home. He also has to do a lot of double shifts so on those nights, I have to do everything. Our dinners are almost always on the late side and that makes bedtime later side too. It is not something I really enjoy but it is just a fact of life. And don't get me started on nights that we have girl scouts or other things we have to do!

offtoneverland

@MouseMama817 You and me both! I EPed with DD and I so hope I'll be able to BF for real this time. Maybe we can be buddies after our LOs arrive and see if we can figure it out together.
@pink_polkadots I have a friend who constantly talks about breastfeeding and her freezer stash on Facebook. I don't think she means to rub it in anyone's face, but I think it could make a lot of moms feel really bad if breastfeeding didn't work for them for one reason or another.

So happy to see such wonderful, welcoming opinions on breastfeeding and formula feeding. It makes my heart happy to have so many people agreeing that fed is best, and it doesn't matter how it gets done in the end.  Like @BabyBoyH92016 said, I put a ton of pressure on myself when I was a new mom and I hope to avoid that this time around. 

My UO--I think cloth diapers are weird.  I don't judge anyone who uses them, and it's great that people are trying to save the environment. But no thank you, I don't want to do that ish. 

Also, I don't plan to name our baby before we see him/her in the hospital because I like the idea of meeting the baby before I give it a name.

runningyogimama

We don’t tell our baby name to anyone at all (I don’t even share it with my FB froups from my previous BMBs, haha) until after the baby is born. 


Also I HATED breastfeeding. Hated. With my first, my milk just never came in. It did with my second, but I hated every second of it and didn’t last very long. I’m hoping to EP this time, because I was too overwhelmed with a (high needs) newborn and a 1-year-old to stick with it last time (for cost purposes...formula is expensive, ha). 

pelorunningmama

@mousemama817 my SIL doesn’t have her kids on any kind of schedule and it is chaos. It makes all our family gatherings so overwhelming because their kids are constantly overtired and then fall asleep at the most random times.

edited because I hit enter too soon and can't type.

I’m an extended breastfeeder (go to 2 with my kids). It has been such a wonderful experience for me and is something I will always treasure. I would never share photos of it because that’s just not me, but I do have a few on my phone that are very special to me. My main reason on commenting at all on this is to encourage those that are first time moms and scared to give it a try. It may not work out and 100% agree fed is best, but it could also end up being this totally shocking, amazing thing for you. That’s been my experience. I never thought I would breastfeed this long, but it is such a sweet, peaceful time for us to connect after long days.

runningyogimama

Oh, I thought of one! I think Alexa is creepy, and I don’t understand the need for an Alexa or echo or whatever. 

mockingjay1

@pink_polkadots - I think breastfeeding pictures can be tastefully done. I'm kind of split because I don't love the AW part of posting them online, but part of me knows how freaking hard it is (it took us 3 weeks to get DS to finally transfer milk correctly) and mama's should be proud of that. People post pics of their kids bottle feeding so as long as it's a tasteful picture (not all/mostly boob) I don't see the difference. Be proud of however you feed your kiddo! 

I think it's odd people name their babies before they meet them. We had two names going in with DS and waited until we saw him to pick one. We'll do the same with this baby (if we ever narrow down names for a boy and girl, ha).

wildrainbow

@mockingjay1 I totally agree. Ds was a late term preemie and I had to triple feed the first 6 weeks of his life because his suck, swallow, breathe reflex wasn't fully developed. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, trying to breastfeed and succeed. You better believe I have pics that document the hard as well as the good. We bf up until I got this bfp, so for 2 years. I wouldn't have stopped, but my nips felt like they were soaking in acid every time he latched. 

Breastfeeding isn't something that comes easily and naturally as everyone thinks. You have work and fight for it. Your mindset sets the tone for your whole success. In my case, I was to stubborn to admit defeat when I had the supply, but my kid just didn't know how to do it. The LC saved us and I will never forget my tear filled times in their office, crying about how I would never be able to feed my kid. You have to have support, and the will to do it. If you don't, it's very hard to succeed. 

BabyBoyH92016

@mockingjay1 I thought it was odd to name a child before meeting them, until I had my first and sat in the hospital for the full two days feeling stressed out about picking a name. We went in with 5, narrowed it to 3, and then I was stumped. He really didn’t look like anything but a squishy newborn.

This time around I want to go in being 99% sure of the name and have one back-up just in case the one we pick just doesn’t feel right. 

I can be an indecisive person, so I think it’s important for me to try to have the name finalized as much as possible before baby arrives. 

highsteaks

regarding breastfeeding: @mockingjay1@wildrainbow
long version in spoiler; short version below.

what you ladies said really resonated with me. i still want to tear up right now thinking about how frustrated i was at the hospital those first few days. dd1 was <2% for gestational age at birth, jaundiced, and absolutely could not latch and eat. and, sadly in my case, most of the nurses and even the lc that stopped in could not help her, but they were so forceful and pushy about making me breastfeed even though i knew i was not transferring colostrum to her. i had taken a breastfeeding class previously, read extensively about it, and was still unprepared for difficulty. now, looking back, i realize that it was most likely because my dd was too weak/small to nurse, and we should have started her with bottles. but there was so much pressure on me to keep trying for a long time, perhaps because my hospital pressured the nurses to maintain a high rate of breastfeeding success. it wasn’t a good atmosphere. to add insult to injury, once i made the decision to feed her formula until my milk came in, the hospital staff gave me a hard time every time i asked for more because they were running low. it was a long holiday weekend. they gave me a hand pump to try to express milk. you guys, it was so ridiculous. i was a first time mom and had no idea what to do. it was not until the middle of the third night after dd was born that i got a new nurse who came in, saw me struggling with the hand pump, and was totally wtf were those other nurses thinking, let’s get you an electric pump. it was a game-changer for me. i am so thankful for her, for she truly saved my breastfeeding relationship with my dd. when we were discharged, we rented the exact same hospital grade pump from a local medical supply company and i used it exclusively for a month, pumping for every single feed, then bottle feeding my daughter. in between feeds, we “practiced” latching, and right around when she reached her original due date was when we finally had success, and she was able to eat straight from the tap. we breastfed until she was 26 months old. i am very proud of that.

tl;dr: breastfeeding is really freaking hard, even if you know/think you know what you’re doing. i wish someone warned me during pregnancy that breastfeeding is NOT easy and as natural as the reading material suggests. it probably would have saved me a lot of grief in the first few weeks. having a positive and supportive staff at the hospital is key. i had a hard time, but kept at it, and in my case i thankfully got to a good point. but that isn’t the case for everyone, and that’s OK! fed is best.

pink_polkadots

Like I said... absolutely take pictures, commemorate the amazing achievement. It is hard as hell, trust me, I know. I didn’t say all pictures of breastfeeding were bad. I just don’t want to scroll through Instagram and see your boobs with sparkles, doggy ears and a photo filter with a bunch of lame ass hash tags. #bestmomeverrrrr #omglookatmyboobs #imbreastfeedinglookatmelookatme that’s clearly been posted for attention and likes. 

highsteaks

@pink_polkadots oh, my comment was in no way an attack against yours, i just saw an opportunity to tell my peace to others that struggling is not abnormal. i’m totally with you on how some women can be too militant or in your face about it, and that really does more of a disservice.

pink_polkadots

@highsteaks I know! I was just trying to clarify for others that I am in no way saying breastfeeding shouldn’t be celebrated or commemorated. If you are able to breastfeed then you should absolutely be proud of yourself, because it is hard. I just think some people on social media take it too far. 

highsteaks

@pink_polkadots and to be honest, your original comment was very clear on that point, to me. just, reading mockingjay and wannaflickone’s stories struck a nerve with me, so i had to get it out.

mockingjay1

pink_polkadots said:

Like I said... absolutely take pictures, commemorate the amazing achievement. It is hard as hell, trust me, I know. I didn’t say all pictures of breastfeeding were bad. I just don’t want to scroll through Instagram and see your boobs with sparkles, doggy ears and a photo filter with a bunch of lame ass hash tags. #bestmomeverrrrr #omglookatmyboobs #imbreastfeedinglookatmelookatme that’s clearly been posted for attention and likes. 

OMG I can't believe people post that! Obviously not tasteful I didn't mean to imply you said they were all bad, sorry if I came across like that. I've been fortunate to only see pretty tasteful ones on social media and not the trashy kind of ones you describe. Yikes.

MouseMama817

I love you guys so much. Look at everyone rushing to clarify that they weren’t being combative or trying to offend. I couldn’t love this board more. All the lurkers afraid or intimidated to post— pay attention! We are nice people!

lifesabeach85

@MouseMama817 but I guess we have done something to anger admin since they won’t sticky our anatomy scan thread 

wildrainbow

@lifesabeach85 it's probably because we all get along so well and they have nothing to do, so they are petuantly ignoring us. 

@pink_polkadots I in no meant to say that you hated all bf pics, I really hope it didn't come off that way and if it did, I'm sorry. Ds didn't reach his birth weight until he was 6 weeks old because he used all the calories he got to bf, hence the triple feeding for so long. 

FreeTheElf

@bfpafter4years I'm with you with the flowing schedule! Kudos to you though, I am not nearly as busy! Teachers work so hard and I'm sure your schedule fluctuates like crazy depending on the time of year. My husband works nights at a school except for in the summer it switches to mornings, and on special days/vacation times during the school year it changes up drastically. It gets pretty hard to stick to a schedule, especially because my son is absolutely obsessed with his daddy and wants to do everything with him, and will try to stay up until he's home or cuddle/sleep in with him later into the morning than most toddlers. I can usually count on a nap about 5 hours after he wakes up (recently he has been waking up at 9, naps around 2), and he always lets me know what he needs/wants! I don't find it too chaotic.

MouseMama817

@lifesabeach85 Okay don’t judge me....what does it mean to sticky something?