July 2018 Moms

Re: UO Thursday 5/24

  • I know behavioral interventionists that I worked with that did not believe ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) was a real diagnosis, that kids were a-holes for other, underlying reasons, but not because they had some sort of disorder that made them that way. So basically a similar idea. Usually anger at some aspect of their life, anxiety about something they couldn't manage, etc. So you needed to treat that and not "ODD"
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  • @runsomewhere how many of those kids do you really know first hand? If they’re just kids you see at the park every week or at church or whatever then I don’t think it’s fair to assess them that way... I have a very spirited kiddo and a good portion of the time I’m in public I choose to let him be a littler freer than I do at home/in the car etc. part of that is because I’m trying to keep my sh*t together so I don’t lose it and part of it is because I’m so tired of correcting him and reminding him of how he’s supposed to act/do/say that it’s kind of a miracle that I’m at the park (or wherever) at all. And part of it is because it’s hard on both of us to try to rein him in all of the time. He deserves to be a little wild and crazy sometimes. 

    Im not a perfect parent by any sense of the word and I’m sure there are parents out there who definitely DO prefer to label instead of actually parent, but sometimes kids are really good at making us look terrible even when we’re trying our darn hardest to make them be decent humans. 
  • @hillbillywife I hear you on the "spirited" thing...sometimes I lack the energy to call him on EVERYTHING, lol. Kids aren't easy, and some parents have it easier than others on behavior. Some kids will challenge you on EVERYTHING, and some kids will do what they are told. Those of us with the kids who challenge them on EVERYTHING have it a little harder and even if we were on it 24/7, parents of the "good" kids would probably look at our kids and us with a raised eyebrow about why our kids are like that and theirs aren't. I have that convo with a friend all the time...I go to a forest playgroup with many other 3 ish year olds, and our two kid are at each other, hitting, picking up sticks to whack others with, running off....we always have to be on it, and it makes us feel like we are doing something wrong when we compare with the "good" kids in the group. But we aren't doing anything wrong! Our kids just push the limits!

    I guess I thought @runsomewhere was talking about the over diagnosis pyschologically that gives kids a reason to act crazy. 
  • @hillbillywife I'm not sure what you mean by how many kids I know first hand. It's also not clear if you're referring to your kid as highly spirited as a behavioral diagnosis or as a description of his personality or what you mean about letting him be freer so it's hard for me to respond. 

    I absolutely agree with your statement about how sometimes kids are really good at making us look terrible even when we’re trying our darn hardest to make them be decent humans.

    However, if your (general your) kid is often physically aggressive with other children, disruptive at school and ripping apart every store you bring him to and your response is "oh he's just highly spirited" instead of disciplining and guiding him, I've got a problem with that. 
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  • I for sure think sometimes the behavioral issues are lack of parenting, but I also do believe in ODD as a disorder...and ADHD...and autism...all of which CAN lead to a lot of behavioral issues. And believe me, a parent of a kid with special needs dealing with a behavioral disability has a very difficult job, and I try my best not to judge their parenting because I can't even imagine walking in their shoes. Sure, some parents may throw around ODD and use it as an excuse, but when I read a neuropsychological evaluation performed by a highly regarded, trained, and educated psychologist who I know and respect, I don't question the validity of their diagnosis. I represent kids with special needs and spend half my days talking to these kids' parents, and as much of a pain in the ass a lot of my clients are (the parents), I come home every single day and thank god/the universe/whatever that I don't have to walk in their shoes. It's HARD. 
  • @runsomewhere I guess I meant is do you actually know kids like that or is your statement about kids you only see occasionally in public. It’s easy to make assumptions about kids you don’t see all the time. I didn’t think “spirited” was an actual diagnosis. I agree with your clarification. 

    I also wasnt offended and also agree with how irritating it is to have to pussyfoot around everything. If that was pointed at me @gingerbride26 but if one person gets to speak, so does everyone else. 

    @SmashJam it’s always nice to know other people have delightfully charming yet ridiculously irritating children too lol
  • @hillbillywife no not at all! per usual I start typing something and get distracted or go back to pussyfoot my paragraph for bombs and 3 people post in the interim lol just really bad timing.  I completely agree that everyone gets to speak if one person gets to speak.  Not the BEST example but kind of like when people scream "cultural appropriation" and get nasty/ragey on facebook for NOT THEIR culture.  Or like when there's an article geared at SAHM and the working mom's get all ragey in the comments that they feel insulted for working, and then the WM article comes out and there are SAHM raging in the comments that this is offensive to them.  Not really explaining this well, and probably really bad examples, true injustice and biggotry are everyone's problems, but is this person REALLY offended, or just jumping on the bandwagon because he/she feels like a better person for being offended in a situation that has nothing to do with him/her.  So maybe it's just a continuation of my hate of the "everyone's a winner" mentality?
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  • I have a UO: I HATE when people give shit about including living veterans and active duty in memorial day posts.  Can I not say that since I don't know any fallen soldiers, only active duty or veterans, that on memorial day my thoughts are with those who serve out country who spend everyday remembering their fallen friends? I know the difference between the two holidays.But I can't remember fallen soldiers. So I think of those who can, and my thoughts are with them. 
  • @smashjam is that seriously a thing? I can't imagine ever correcting someone for giving props to someone who is serving/has served our country, no matter what day or holiday it is. 
  • hillbillywifehillbillywife member
    edited May 2018
    @gingerbride26 no worries! I get what you’re saying. I understand not wanting every different group to feel left out or judged or whatever but there’s gotta be a line somewhere 

    @SmashJam so I’m one of those people that hates it when veterans that are alive get attention on Memorial Day. I like your explanation on why you feel like they should still get recognized. I’d put veterans who died of natural old age causes in the Memorial Day bracket though too. I don’t know anyone personally who has fallen, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be aware that there are people who have fallen. I don’t feel like I’m being jipped anything by not having someone to actively commemorate on Memorial Day. 

    ETA sorry I’m getting scatterbrained. I hope that makes sense

    another edit after seeing your post below. I’d never call someone out on it. That’s rude. And takes the meaning of the holiday even further away. My dad is in the military. And even though his branch/ job isn’t the most dangerous, I can appreciate your effort to honor the fallen the best you know how
  • @zande2016 at least one person I know, not a veteran, has posted the, "here it comes, people confusing memorial day and veterans day in Facebook posts." Every year people post sanctimonious crap about it that shows up on my feed, along with reminders that people died so we could grill and have a long weekend but thats not hwat its about. I don't think they'd correct me online but the fact that it pissed veterans off or non vets annoys me. I AM HONORING THEIR SACRIFICE THE BEST I CAN.  They should understand it's coming from a good place.
  • @hillbillywife i always thought of it as those who died in combat, not those who died of old age, so maybe that's why it annoys me so much. 

    Also, when I say sanctimonious crap I do understand how it can be hard for veterans who have lost friends or are in a bad space see everyone going about their merry bbq on memorial day weekend when that day isn't necessarily happy for them at all. 
  • wildtotwildtot member
    Off the trending topic but my UO are push gifts. I just don’t get them and seem like a silly trend made up by celebrities.
  • wildtotwildtot member
    @SmashJam im all for practical gifts like a runny egg and mimosa lol but the expensive gift trend is just not me.
  • I’ll take a large pizza and a root beer as my push present. I absolutely hate the name push present and agree I don’t really get it. 
  • @wildtot meh I just pushed out the most expensive gift of all, I don’t need an extra present. I like the thought behind it though! 
  • I like the thought behind a gift but ugh for calling them push gifts...
  • I would be game for a “push present” if DH thought of it on his own because he thought me pushing out a baby was amazing and he loved me. But expecting a gift- especially something really expensive makes me SMH. 
  • I kinda like push presents. I think they're a nice way to say "thank you for all you've been through to grow our family." I especially like them when they are meaningful. When I had DD DH got me a bar necklace with our initials on one side and the coordinates to our home on the other side. This time I think I want these Keren Wolf rings with each child's birthstone. 

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  • coco305coco305 member
    I think it's all how you view a push present. I feel like here in the states it's almost an entirely and all about get paid back for 9 months rent, whereas in Latin America it's a more commemorative gift. I think it's nice to have something that can last you forever that is symbolic of your child's birth. Also I would not consider a purse a push present, that's just an additional expense. 
    My UO, newborn photography is really freaky looking. Not sure if this is a trend all over, but in Miami, I feel like everyone wraps their teeny newborn into a super tight swaddle and positions them all weird, like butt up in the air and the chin resting on their little hands. The babies are usually asleep and they just don't look real (or comfortable). What happened to just a photo from above of a baby in a cute outfit?? Or a family portrait? 
  • wildtotwildtot member
    @coco305 we are doing newborn but at the hospital. I’m not really into the studio setups either. 
  • I would love a push present! But again only if DH thought of it on his own. I don’t expect one nor would I be upset if I didn’t get one. 

    Studio set ups/props are bizarre. We’re also doing to newborn photos at the hospital but our photographer has a more ‘journalistic” style so we’ll probably do a couple of poses family portraits but mostly candids. My only request was I wanted a picture of my sons face as he’s coming through the door and sees the baby for the first time. 

    @gingerbride26 A million times yes to misplaced moral outrage. It’s exhausting. 
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  • I think I expressed the newborn photos as being weird as my UO a while ago. So I agree @coco305. We haven't discussed doing newborn photos at the hospital, but now I might want to!
  • I’m so not into the majority of newborn photos I see. I think I’ve said it before, but the props, allll the dam props, just not a fan. With my son the hospital had a photographer that came around and took photos and you could buy them if you wanted. We bought some and I’m glad we did, but it was just my son in a diaper with a quilt my sister made behind him, and a couple of the three of us. The hospital were using this time has a photographer as well and if I like the photos I may buy some. For those considering it, you can check to see if your hospital has one that comes around before hiring someone. Probably cheaper. 
  • @zande2016 we did the same. Im glad we did, it was simple and caught the moment without all the fuss. From what I remember it wasnt too expensive either, I want to
    say it was like $60 for prints and digital copies. 
  • I think newborn photos can be pretty adorable. The big issue with them is all the propping up and unnatural posing of brand new babies. These babies are often days old, have zero head control and should not to contorted in to poses unnatural for them, like the picture below. Image result for unsafe newborn photography

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  • andplusalso...why the crowns
  • I just noticed the gif from Silicon Valley!! I'm watching season 4 now and love it so much!

    A friend who's married to a doctor propped her 3 week old up and put a stethoscope kind of around his neck...I don't know, it was just too much.
  • Just FYI, a lot of the crazy newborn poses like the ones pictured above are done using boppys/pillows, and the parents hold them steady. There is a lot of photoshop that goes into it.  With that being said, we did hospital photos and newborn pics. No crazy props or poses, just a few cute outfits and a sleeping baby 
  • liz789liz789 member
    Hello all. I was training a photographer in this pose so she would learn to safely execute this position if a parent asked for it. Whilst the posing may not be to your taste, some people like this and other poses, I think we all sometimes forget the scrunched up positions baby gets into in the womb. For your information these babies were the photographers nieces, and the photograph was taken individually in two to three different shots where hands were edited out - the baby wasn't actually perched like this. And as for the crown. We're British so crowns are kinda big here, and again personal taste - some parents love them some don't they pick what they want. I just wanted to clarify as my photograph was used that it was actually really safe and done as a composite, even if not to your tastes. Have a great day everyone. Liz
  • liz789liz789 member
    Thank you for confirming parent was edited out, in fact a photographer was being trained and she was edited out, lots of work went into this one. Thank you even if you don't like the crazy pose for assuring people if done correctly babies aren't perched like this. Liz x
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