Team Green?

ladystout08

Anyone else planning on not finding out the sex before birth?

I don't want to, not sure I can get MH on board. 

luckymay2x

Yay team green!

I did not find out the sex of my first baby until delivery. I enjoyed the surprise of it. Also, I hated the fact that if you tell people you are having a boy or a girl, then they only give you gendered baby items (pink shit for girls, blue shit for boys). 

We had fun finding neutral items for our registry. Once DD was born and the birth announcement went out, people who wanted to give us  cute girly stuff sent it in the mail. 

Just a head's up. I got some snark from people when I told them we were team green. The most common snark was "well, I found out the sex because I wanted to bond with my baby", implying that since I didnt know if my baby had a penis or vagina, I was less able to bond with them before they were born. Such bs.

I also heard peopme tell me that my baby would be "confused" about their gender identity if I out them in all neutrals. That really got me going, made me so mad.

This is one of those decisions that people feel entitled to judge - like most decisions moms and dads make.

Also, if you can't tell - I'm a non conformist, gender wise. Also, I'm an outspoken feminist and lgbq ally. Not finding out my baby's sex allowed me to protect them a little from the gender pressure in our society.

/rant over

MrsBinPA

My H is toying with the idea of team green.  I have NO desire for this.  I will be better about at least not having them tell me the sex over the phone (I will have NIPT) and will pick up an envelope & maybe get someone to make a reveal cake so we can find out together.  Hoping he will accept this as a reasonable compromise. 

Ghostie625

I want to be surprised but DH wants to find out. I'm trying to bring him over to my side.

luckymay2x

For this pregnancy, we will know the sex because we are getting the genetic blood test in 1st tri (cause I'm old now). But we will not tell anyone except very close family (and I dont even want to tell them, but I compromised with DH).

This time around I don't want the "I bet you are hoping for a boy! Complete the set!" comments

emmaaa

I didn't want to find out the first time around but DH was very insistent that he wanted to so he could hopefully start to feel a connection with the baby. I got where he was coming from and it wasn't a big deal to me, so we found out. We will do the same this time as well.

ladystout08

Since we already have a son I don't want the comments. We have a son so it'll either be "oh two boys, now you have to try for a girl!" or "one of each, perfect." Blah. I hate people. DH said we could find out and just not tell anyone but I don't think that will actually work.

RVAmom315

I wanted to be team green this time around but DH was not on board. In his words “How will we prepare?!” Seriously? I have my NIPT test in 2 weeks so we’ll know shortly thereafter 

pttomato

I don’t want to find out but DH does. We were team green with DD and I really liked it, but we made a deal that for the first one we wouldn’t find out and for the second we would. I’m a little disappointed. We got a lot of comments last time along the lines of hopefully it’s a boy/boys are better/girls are harder. This time I expect to hear about how if we must want boy so we will have one of each.

rooonilwaazlib

Having a revelation here so bear with me...

@emmaaa Thank you for raising your point because it challenged me to think about things differently.  Like @luckymay2x I have always been super team green because I would want to avoid the gendering of my child.  I am super conscious of this. I want to respect that for my kid...and I have the most control over that while they're growing inside me.  It's been a no-brainer for me personally but is opposite for my wife.  She hates surprises and always needs to know things IMMEDIATELY!  It's adorable for when I can tease her about birthday presents, and I thought she might come around eventually to team green.  

But @emmaaa you challenged me to think about it in her position.  Having used a sperm donor and my egg, this baby will not be genetically related to her.  She doesn't want to look into reciprocal IVF so no kid we have in the future will be biologically hers either.  She has already made some comments to me in passing which I try to correct, but which express her feelings of disconnect with the baby while it's inside me.  I know she'll feel the mama love when it's out, but right now she is detached from it as it's in me. 

As much as I would love to be team green, finding out the sex (gender is a social construct! ) would probably help her feel more connected to the kid while it's in me, and that's more important to me than not finding out for myself.

Thanks again for making that awesome point @emmaaa. I think you just changed my life a lil bit!

luckymay2x

@roonilwazlib interesting point about your partner. Are there any ways to meet half way? Like, only the two of you know the sex? Then she can feel more engaged but you avoid that annoying imposed gendering from bystanders/extended family. 

That is our compromise. For a variety of reasons, we are not ourselves team green this time, but I still want to limit knowledge of the baby's sex until the birth announcement. 

luckymay2x

But if course in our case, since DH wants to be able to tell DD whether she is getting a little brother or sister, we will be telling people who come in contact with DD...since she will be telling EVERYONE.

catlady2015

We are doing the NT scan and not the NIPT (at least at the moment). So no worries about finding out super early. That being said, I'm on the fence about being team green. DH is very much a "go with the flow" guy and would love to not find out until the baby comes out. I'm warring if I can let go of the planning and control enough to not find out until then. Our doctor would (I'm sure) let him announce what it is when he/she is born so he could have that moment, and it would be really special for me to have him tell me the news. 

If we do choose to find out, (DH is a physician and can easily read the darn ultrasound) he would still announce what it is to me at the appointment. But i think we'd stay team green to our family/friends. I'm a private person anyway and I don't like the idea of all these people in my business. If I can shut down that talk by staying team green, I will totally do it. Thankfully, we live fairly far away from our families, so keeping it a secret will be a little easier. 

melly-melly

My H and I have also been toying with the idea of finding out baby's sex, but keeping it to ourselves until baby is born. Neither of us are a huge fan on being on the "in the dark" side of the secret, but I don't mind keeping one. We found out baby's sex with DS and got sooo many shitty comments from people about doing so. I even had someone BOO in my face because "finding out is so lame". I'll never understand why people feel so inclined to say absolutely whatever the hell they want to you while you are growing a child--or once that child has been born for that matter. 

olivemomma

Nope. I have zero patience and would pay someone to tell me tomorrow. I think it’s cool to wait though

kiwieloping

This is #1 and we are team green all the way!  

TruStory

This is our first and it’s an IVF pregnancy. We did PGS testing so we can find out at any time since we know we had 2boys and a girl but I don’t know what they transferred. We have 2 more appointments at the fertility clinic and I think we are going to ask the sex at the last appointment and keep it to ourselves. I love the team green idea but I think it would eat me up. I also love gender neutral stuff...not big on the pink and blue. I’m sure we will get criticism for this since family knows we had 3 embryos and we knew the sexes. Oh well...

rooonilwaazlib

@luckymay2x it’s definitely worth the try!  I don’t think I’ll post it all over social media if I end up knowing, but I don’t trust myself to not slip up...and I feel like it will snowball from there. Also toyed with the idea of her knowing and me not knowing. But idk I could handle that! I think as long as we keep it on a need-to-know basis we will be ok.

helleebellee

We didn't find out with one of them.  It was fun. No one really seemed bothered by it. It was definitely cheaper not knowing because I didn't buy all the cute clothes.  Not sure what I'll do this time.  I haven't given it much thought.  

emmaaa

@roonilwazlib You're welcome! It was something I never thought about because I just assumed he would feel connected to the baby like I did. But obviously it's different for him/or any partner, when the baby isn't growing inside you I guess. It just wasn't a hill I was willing to die on. I figured if I could help him feel an emotional attachment earlier the way I did, why not? I know each couple feels differently and that's perfectly fine obviously.

Also, it's worth noting that even some mothers who carry their children don't feel a connection with the baby until they are born or even until they are home. It's different for everyone.

Also again, even though we knew DD was a girl ahead of time, I didn't want a whole lot of bright pink and frilly clothing...it's just not my style for the most part. So if you get clothes or items that are too gender specific or you don't like them, keep the tags on them and try to return for store credit or exchange them. I always took clothes to Target first and then places like Khols second to try to exchange. There were very few items that I couldn't find where they went and either made them "play" clothes or donated them.

ladystout08

I asked this in the STM thread but was anyone team green and how did you handle it with your current LO? Did you just tell them you were having a baby? 

greenhillgirl

We had to do IVF to conceive and did PGS to reduce chance of miscarriage. DH always wanted a boy and I was fine with that because his father abused his sisters. I understood him wanting to get comfortable parenting with a boy because of his childhood. But the male embryo transfer failed and we decided the second time just to transfer the best embryo. It is a girl and we knew all their genders all along. It felt funny to pay for a test that determines the genders (chromosome abnormality test is a gender test essentially) and our team and doctor know but not find out. IVF made me let go of a lot of things I thought would be my typical pregnancy journey. No surprise to any of it. We are excited and like knowing any detail about the growing baby- I wish I could know her personality. But I don't want to go crazy with gendered stuff or impose my idea of what she will be like. She will be her own person. I understand both choices. 

lordadmiral

I want to find out because I'm an evil control freak that must know absolutely everything all at once. BUT I don't want to tell anyone else (DH not included). When we last visited my Mother-in-Law she was giving us a bunch of DH old toys and she was pointing to an old fire truck of his as something we can give our future kid. "Well unless you have a girl." And I thought why the heck not?!?!?! I played with matchbox cars all the time as a kid. So I would prefer that if they buy the baby anything, it's not bought based on archaic gender stereotypes (yes, I'm one of those, I've read too many articles). Though we are just going to tell everyone that we want to be surprised at the birth because it's cruel to have that knowledge and dangle it over everyone's head. 

DarkSerendipity

I'm going partially team green. If this baby doesn't come on or before Christmas, I plan on opening up the envelope from the anatomy scan as a Christmas present with my two boys. I thought that would be kind of fun!

ladystout08

DarkSerendipity said:

I'm going partially team green. If this baby doesn't come on or before Christmas, I plan on opening up the envelope from the anatomy scan as a Christmas present with my two boys. I thought that would be kind of fun!

That's a super cute idea! 

CoastieGirl79

I dont want to know but my husband does. I will win this one. Lol! My friends who are on Team Green told me that there is more excitement in the atmosphere (for the nurses and docs, too) in the delivery room when the parents don't know the sex. I don't know if that's true, but I'm willing to test the theory. 

Russiandea12

I’m considering it this time around. We already have 2 boys and a girl so have everything we need for both. I found out at 20 weeks for my bio kids and our foster son was a surprise!! Thought it might be a new fun twist.

Augusta108

This thread has been so interesting! We’re on the fence, DH is leaning Green but is willing to do whatever I want to. I’m leaning toward finding out but then am asking myself “Why is it so important to know? What would it change?” I’m a feminist and definitely planning on a fairly neutral nursery either way, and I would be a little annoyed to be drowning in pink stuff before my daughter was even born. On the other hand, I like the idea of being able to use the baby’s name earlier when I talk to him or her, and as a librarian I also just really love having as much information as possible at all times. Tough decision!

catlady2015

@Augusta108 - librarians unite! I really really want ALL the info. I'm sure I'm driving DH and my OB both nuts. Whether or not this is a boy or girl, there will be dolls and trucks. But turning off the "I need to know" switch is so hard!

eleven_

We are team green as a tribute to my MIL.
Before she died, she always wanted our next baby to be team green. She said she did it with her kids and when the doctor called out the sex, it was the best moment of her life. 

Also, we already have a boy and a girl and have all the baby clothes saved so it makes it a little easier. 

kaf1788

I totally admire all you Team Green-ers. It seems like such a fun surprise, but I've always been awful about needing to know EVERYTHING as soon as possible. I was totally the kid who would go snooping for my Christmas/birthday presents in advance. While I also like to avoid needlessly gendering babies, I also just really love pink so tbh I'll be dressing my baby in pink whether it's a boy or girl (and my husband will be buying Bears jerseys for either one). Also the nursery (currently my office) is already painted a really nice mauvey blush and I don't think I'll be changing that either. I have a feeling I'll get some shit from my inlaws if it ends up being a boy but I also don't really care 

KLS123

Team Green all the way for this FTM. I don't want unnecessarily gendered items. I don't want to hear peoples opinions on labeling my unborn child as "easier" or "harder" based on the sex. I don't want to get pressured into having a "Gender Reveal" party. I don't want to fall into the trap myself of having preconceived expectations on their likes, dislikes, preferences and personality. And finally I just think it will be fun and exciting on the day of for everyone!
I am very much a type A planner but I hear becoming a parent will break you of being a control freak so I just see this as step one to giving up control and going with the flow 

kiwieloping

KLS123 said

Team Green all the way for this FTM. I don't want unnecessarily gendered items. I don't want to hear peoples opinions on labeling my unborn child as "easier" or "harder" based on the sex. I don't want to get pressured into having a "Gender Reveal" party. I don't want to fall into the trap myself of having preconceived expectations on their likes, dislikes, preferences and personality. And finally I just think it will be fun and exciting on the day of for everyone!
I am very much a type A planner but I hear becoming a parent will break you of being a control freak so I just see this as step one to giving up control and going with the flow 

This!

Our exact thoughts and reasons for team green.  

BitterBetty12

I realllly don’t think I could do team green BUT h and I have been throwing around the idea of being team green to everyone but us. As in leaving it a surprise for our family and friends to find out when the baby is born. 

Last time we didn’t tell people DDs name and my in laws really hated it. So I can’t imagine how they’ll feel not knowing the sex or the name. 

jandd2014

I was leaning toward team green last time and DH was going to go along with whatever I wanted... but I ended up changing my mind in the ultrasound waiting room and wanting to know. I’m glad we did, and we told everyone it was a girl, but I also made it very clear that we didn’t want everything to be pink. For the most part, people honored what we said (plus I put a lot of gender neutral stuff on our registry). 
I’m going back and forth again about team green with this baby. I want to know because I like to plan and it would help prep DD to have a set name picked out, but I also think it would be exciting (and motivating lol) to find after the baby is born. 

ladystout08

DH and I talked about it last night and I think we agreed that we'll find out but we're not telling anyone. Because of my history I qualify for genetic testing so we can find out early. It would be great timing to get that done and then I can give it to H as his birthday present in July. 

rooonilwaazlib

Would anyone who is team green dare to let their partner find out the sex, but they themselves not know? This is my current plan!  Wife wants to find out which is totally ok. But I don’t! Or I’m not sure! Worried about her accidentally spilling the beans, that it’ll drive me nuts If she knows and I don’t, and also that I’ll be slightly less thrilled if I do know. For now I’m going to out off finding out for as long as I can last. We’re doibg the Sneak Peek Test so we will use her email so I won’t be tempted. And I can always look when I want!  You can’t unknow things like this. Ugh I’ve never wanted to know and not know something at the same time sooo much! 

ladystout08

rooonilwaazlib said:

Would anyone who is team green dare to let their partner find out the sex, but they themselves not know? This is my current plan!  Wife wants to find out which is totally ok. But I don’t! Or I’m not sure! Worried about her accidentally spilling the beans, that it’ll drive me nuts If she knows and I don’t, and also that I’ll be slightly less thrilled if I do know. For now I’m going to out off finding out for as long as I can last. We’re doibg the Sneak Peek Test so we will use her email so I won’t be tempted. And I can always look when I want!  You can’t unknow things like this. Ugh I’ve never wanted to know and not know something at the same time sooo much! 

We've thought about it because MH wants to know and I don't. I think he could keep the secret but he may also start using pronouns without thinking about it. I think we've decided to find out but not tell anyone.  

kaylaef

I did not find out with my 1st 2. I dont think i will for this one either. 

tosh24

I found out with my first but DH and I kept it to ouselves because our families were adament about not knowing. I kind of felt it was "wrong" to know after I found out which is a feeling I never expected to have since I was 100% in favour of finding out the sex. I can't really explain it.

With our second we were team green. Having a little baby wiggling around inside you and playing with its feet and hands when they stretch through your skin and loving baby so much while not knowing its sex is a really sweet and exciting feeling. I definitely enjoyed the anticipation of my team green pregnancy. Just a word of caution for anyone pinning all their dreams on that "reveal" at birth - you may not get it. I was so delerious from my labour I never even heard the doctor announce the sex. DH said he also told me after the doctor announced and I never heard him either. I only remember checking for myself. There are lots of scenarios where you may not get that movie-like reveal, so just be prepared for that since I definitely felt a little robbed of that moment after waiting 9 months!

We'll probably be team green again. I already have a girl and a boy so I'm set clothing/accessory-wise for either sex.

mamadaisy13141619

Our first 3 girls we we're team green till birth and it was such an exciting moment having that announcement as soon as they were born. Because of that most of our baby stuff can be used either way and I even have plenty of boy clothes I've some how accumulated as well as lots clothes that are just neutral. We are still deciding on whether to find out this time or not. Before we got pregnant I wanted to and DH didn't and now he wants to and I'm not so sure, lol. I feel like it's one of those things where you WILL find out at some point and once you know you can't unknown, so what's the hurry? It doesn't really effect my planning, so it's fun to have that surprise at the birth!