Monday BF (May 21)

knottieamusements

@babyptobe - I had a friend a few years ago who I was out for lunch with one day.  I suggested a local build-your-own salad kind of shop and she turned it down because “it probably wasn’t organic” and wanted to go to a Thai place across the street instead.  

I like Thai food, but I’m pretty sure they are even more unlikely to be organic than the other place.  

Edit- because apparently my brain skips words.  

krzyriver

1) I'm craving grilled cheese now. 2) The only way I could get DH to start eating healthy was when I started HelloFresh. He basically refused any veggies besides green beans before that. Now he'll try anything if it's from a HF recipe.

sammierose464

Ugh. Apparently it's my week to bitch... The SMs will understand this one...

BM is very high conflict. She has refused from the beginning to give us a week day over night. DH hasn't pushed it because she agrees to two evenings (4-7:30) and if we went to court we'd get our overnight but possibly only one week night.

Well with DHs new job, he now works till 5 (instead of 4). He just found this out Monday that it started Tues. So last night at drop off he gave her a proposed schedule saying Tuesdays DHs dad would pick up SS at 4, she would pick SS up at DHs dad's (DH would go there after work. And Grandpa lives very close to BM). Wednesdays I'd pick SS up from school and we'd meet at our half way point Wednesday night. He also proposed that once school is out SS spends the night Tues and spends all day Wednesday with me (I work from home) so that we can have as much time with SS as possible.

Well I get a call at 4:15 from BM asking if I have SS. I tell her yes, that DH told me he had told her I was getting SS from school from now on. She tells me that it wasn't agreed upon yet so she didn't know I was getting him.

I TOTALLY understand being worried about where your kid is. But, DH or DHs dad wasn't there to get SS from school. So wouldn't you assume that he had gotten picked up, call to confirm and leave it at that? 

I'm terrified this will put her in a mood and she will fight the summer overnight AGAIN. (We asked for this last summer and were denied because she "didn't want to give up her time". You mean the time he's sleeping and with your mom? When he could be with his step mom?). 

knottieamusements

@sammierose464 - Ugh - she’s a peach.  

sammierose464

I'm just tired of walking on eggshells and playing mother may I. DH and I have very similar parenting styles. BM is very different. And her mom is basically a mother figure to SS. And treats him like a baby. Which drives me crazy.

mamabearcj

@sammierose464 as much as it would suck to go to court the judge might see things you and DHs way. My cousin had similar issues with DD1s dad, had to go to court to set a schedule that worked for both. He still gives her a hard time if something comes up and she needs to switch weekends

sammierose464

We had talked about going after we got married, but now with the baby we don't really have the money to do it. Although, neither does she. I feel like we should file for a mediation and threaten court. Their agreement is "reasonable and liberal". She has primary custody, but we try and get as close to equal time as she will let us. 

krzyriver

@sammierose464 Honestly, I would take her to court if I were you. H and I avoided it FOREVER, but eventually we were tired of the power play and everyone was much happier once it was on paper and non-negotiable. One weeknight is standard, but if you guys are already doing two weeknights, I could not see the court taking that second night away from. I've seen judges literally rip into mother's who try to argue that allowing the kids to spend the night on weeknights disrupts their schedules. What county would it be through?

sammierose464

It would be monroe. DH is terrified to lose time. Her excuse is such BS. She says SS can't spend the night during the school year because it would disrupt his sleep to get up at 6:30 instead of 7 to have time for DH to drop him off. We offered to put him to bed earlier. But yet, we know he stays up later some nights with her.

linssears4

Late to the party but now I want a grilled cheese too!  For our reveal party in 3 weeks, we actually got a gourmet grilled cheese food truck to cater for us.  I know, you're jealous!  @sammierose464 soooo sorry you guys have to deal with that crap!

sammierose464

I'm just hoping all the anxiety ends at 7:30 and she agrees. This anxiousness and then anger if she refuses is not good for baby or mama. I told DH if she refuses tell her that meditation is obviously needed since they can't agree.

pumpkinpancake

@linssears4 a gourmet grilled cheese food truck?!? That sounds amazing!! Can I come?

sammierose464

Success!! BM agreed to everything we requested. I'm so excited to have SS during the day on Wednesdays over the summer. My mom is a teacher so a few times a month we will spend the day over there with my siblings. SS and my brother are good friends.


Thank you ladies for all of your support this week. ❤️

mamabearcj

@linssears4 I am soo jealous!! That sounds Delicious!!
@sammierose464 keep holding your ground momma!! You and DH deserve just as much time with ss especially to help prepare him for a new little sibling coming soon!

sunnyknightsarah

My BF is that an acquaintance from my NJ high school is in CO (where I now live) for a wedding this weekend. He asked to meet up with me and 3 other people who we both are friends with who live in CO now too. So I picked the place, coordinated everyone meeting up for dinner and drinks (and I can’t even drink), I left work early, drove over an hour in rush hour traffic to the city, and then all 3 of those people bailed and he’s currently 30 min late. So annoyed. 

sammierose464

@sarahzett that's so frustrating. Especially when you probably wanted to cancel too.

nasalot188

@sammierose464 keep holding your ground for sure! As a child of divorce it seriously bothers me when parents deprive time from each other for no good reason. All it does is hurt the children.

sammierose464

My own situation is different, so it's hard sometimes but I know it better than DH and BM who's parents are still married. My was with my sisters dad from the time was 2 till 11. I stopped seeing him at 13 because I realized how toxic he was. Around 21 my sister cut him off. I watched him destroy my sister's self confidence, fight with my mom, and just make life hard. He barely paid CS and has never held a steady job. I never want my bonus son to feel that he is not loved, appreciated, cared for, and wanted by both sides. I'm so cautious of how I'm handling this pregnacy so he doesn't feel left out. 

sunnyknightsarah

@sammierose464 I totallllly wanted to cancel haha. But I’m going to make the best of it and catch up. 

krzyriver

@sammierose464 We were in Oakland county cause E’s mom is in Novi. But a father who wants to be involved is rarely denied an overnight during the week. And again, if he’s already there two weeknights, she’d have a harder time arguing to scrap it since she’s already allowing it. The court hates hearing a mom talk about disrupting a child’s schedule/sleep/etc. They know it’s just an excuse to keep the kids away from their dads. My BIL has two overnights a week with both his girls(two different moms/court cases). Just something to keep in mind if you guys ever decide to go that route...

coffee-saur

@linssears4 I didn't even know gourmet grilled cheese were a thing, and now I want one! And on a food truck??? 
My mind is blown! 

linssears4

I will definitely take pictures and share with you all. I didn’t know they were a thing either, it was my best friends idea! Genius! 

acciocoffee

@linssears4 Please tell me I'm invited to your reveal party. I'm going to need that gourmet grilled cheese.