@sammierose464 ditto to what knottieamusements said. Maybe he's just going through an adjustment phase with you feeling like junk on top of worry about having another kid and not sleeping great and it's making him a negative Nancy. I feel like there's always an underlying worry. I know sometime personally I need time to talk about something that's bothering me because even I'm not sure exactly what it is and I need to sort out my feelings and pin point it. I hope he's out of his funk soon!
@sammierose464 I'm sorry that DH isnt communicating with you. Maybe he just needs some time? My SO and I have A LOT going on besides this new baby and I know how frustrating it can be when he doesn't want to talk things out. Hopefully he opens up and things clear up for you guys soon!
@sammierose464 My husband actually gets depressed when he's not had enough rest and is working too much. I don't know how your husband's brain works, but I collect trigger data on Jeff:
-You've worked 12 straight hours. -You tossed and turned all night. -You have a hangover (perhaps on the weekend) -You stayed up too late and woke up at the same time as usual in the morning
If I indicate any of those things to him, he gets the picture that he's in a funk and claims responsibility for his behavior and usually goes to bed or will put away his work until tomorrow.
@sammierose464 DH and I were having a really rough time communicating and getting along the past couple of weeks as well. We bumped heads on everything. I went out of town for a conference for a few days and I think being apart really made us realize we were not being supportive of each other and I ended up really missing him while away. I'm not suggesting you skip town, haha, just saying maybe with a little time and some you time, you guys will find common ground again. I hope so anyway!
My BF is about work and my co-worker. You may remember the overly aggressive, shitty co-worker who exploded on me during a meeting about being pregnant and my ability to perform the job as a new mother..... yes, he was reported to HR and given reprimand, but never apologized and since then has not spoken a word to me or our 3rd teammate. Which is fine cuz I don't wanna talk to his ugly mug, But we work in a super busy ENT clinic with many patients and its not an environment that we can operate in without communication. He fucked up my clinic schedule today and refused to acknowledge that this is all due to the fact that hes too prideful to admit that he was an ass, and moreso that hes acting like a goddamn teenager and retaliating by not communicating. GRRRR. n
Afm, I want to bitch about everyone I live with...except my son because he's a baby and my dad because hes disabled and can't do much for himself.
Most days I feel like the only adult in the house. Between SO, my mom, and my almost 20 year old brother no one wants to do anything! The house is a mess all the time and God forbid someone besides me has to cook dinner. I don't get home until 7 PM most nights and it's late when we eat. If my mom is off she either orders out because she "forgot" to defrost something for dinner (and none of us have to money to be eating out all the time) or it takes her three hours to cook something simple because she doesn't have all the ingredients. She can't meal plan to save her life and if she does all that means is that that's what I will be cooking/prepping for the week.
I have one child (and one on the way). I dont need to take care of grown ups that are just too lazy to do it themselves.
My husband gets in funks because he's getting stressed about work. He just started a new business, and while I know it's going to be really good in a few years, it's inconsistent now. Some paychecks are great and some not so much. And I know it stresses him out. But it annoys me that every time I'm in a bad mood, he gets in a bad mood, and then I feel like I have to suck it up and try to cheer him up. Sometimes I just want to be in a bad mood too!
@sammierose464 DH and I were having a really rough time communicating and getting along the past couple of weeks as well. We bumped heads on everything. I went out of town for a conference for a few days and I think being apart really made us realize we were not being supportive of each other and I ended up really missing him while away. I'm not suggesting you skip town, haha, just saying maybe with a little time and some you time, you guys will find common ground again. I hope so anyway!
Well, I'll be gone from Tues-Fri next week for work and then he's gone June 5th-10th. So maybe that will help us both reset.
Thanks everyone. I try not to complain about him, because he's a great husband. But when i'm feeling like crap it makes it even harder when he's also feeling crappy. I know work is part of it. He's starting training for his new job today, so he's starting his new shift. He's also unhappy about his weight (but not doing anything about it...). I think it's a combo of things.
@sammierose464 my H has been having a bad attitude about adjusting to my sleep changes too. Oddly the thing that helped us was him getting a sleep monitor so he could see hard data about his sleep patterns. It turned out not to be as bad as he thought. I don’t know if that would be helpful and I can imagine it backfiring. I think other posters are right that some of it is a proxy for anticipating bigger adjustments.
Amyway, processing it here may be helpful! And no judgment for complaining about your H! It’s part of what this community is for!
If you were going to do the sleep monitor thing, people might consider getting one for both partners. So even if it shows the h’s sleep sucks, it will also show that the Mom’s sleep sucks too. (In other words- less potential for backfire, and room for mutual understanding...)
I wear my fitbit almost 24/7. The last two nights it's lower than usual for sleep. DH has one, but doesn't wear it. I'm being very cold shoulder to him today, and I don't think he's realized it. I won't even see him until after 10 tonight since he's taking SS to his parents after work and I work my 2nd job at 8pm.
@sammierose464 I feel for you!! We’ve been working hard on our relationship and everything has been much better since we’re starting to understand each other more and have learned how to communicate a bit better. He’s the type of person too who won’t talk and bottles things up until he explodes which annoys the crap out of me. Just talk to me dude!! He’s also getting laid once or twice a day and bjs are back in the picture. I’m 100% sure that’s helping things too! He still has his grouchy/snappy days especially when work is stressful or he doesn’t get enough sleep. I try to be understanding but sometimes, as much as I do appreciate him, I want to hit him over the head with my big cast iron skillet because hormones. On the bad days I remind myself I need to be thankful he’s not a complete POS like my sister’s baby daddy. Sorry I got distracted...It may be he’s worried about something baby or money related that he doesn’t want to bother you with? Hopefully the days apart will help!
He finally told me its work, sleep and his weight. Which I pretty much knew. I told him when he doesn't talk to me it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong. He told me its not me, although he's considering sleeping in SS's bed when he's not here. Which I hate, but is probably for the best.
DH just started working out again recently and last night he told me he want to try "clean eating." I'm annoyed for a couple of reasons. First of all, I basically hate all foods that aren't grilled cheese right now. Secondly, every time I do try to cook healthy meals, he chooses to not even try them and will either skip dinner completely or make chicken nuggets for himself. I actually grilled some zucchini for dinner a couple weeks ago and he wouldn't eat it. He doesn't eat vegetables, so I don't know what he thinks "clean eating" is going to look like for him. I guess it's time to start looking up recipes on Pinterest.
@acciocoffee - I’d talk to him some more before you start down that path, find out what clean eating means to him and lay some ground rules. It’s no good making meals for him if he is just going to turn his nose up. That way lies madness.
Slightly jealous of all the awesome MILs. (There was nice talk of MILs on randoms thread, but mine is definitely a BF lol) My MIL is a narcissistic self absorbed asshole who couldn't be bothered to mother my husband for most his life (the early cute stage she did ok), so I didn't really expect much. But it's honestly even less than I think anyone would expect. And she basically can't be bothered with us at all (Poor DH, you could tell he expected his whole family to be more involved and give a shit more after we had Ds. Because the huge reaction and big deal made of our nephew. I think he figured after 8 years of intertility and loss, he would be at least as big of a deal as nephew born to teenage SIL. We don't blame nephew. We actually took him and cared for him 3-5 days every week until he was 2 or so, and would just drop him back to his mom for a couple days. She'd call crying she couldn't handle it after a few days. But yet all these years later she is still jealous of mine and nephew's bond! Like we basically raised him for 2 years. *sigh* She even had the nerve to bitch about being "jealous" we were pregnant (both with our loss and this tiny) even though her (now ex) BF wanted no kids, and she was actively taking all measures to prevent. That makes my head hurt. Smh. Hubs obviously isn't the golden child nor DS the golden grandchild). She hasn't even said a word about the fact that we are having #2. (A few of his "close" family hasn't. His dad's side will find out when we go this weekend for reunion and I'm slightly showing! Lol) But if this tiny has 2 X chromosomes instead of XY, the sky is going to open and she (all his mom's side actually) is never going to leave me the fuck alone! (She loves to look like mom/grandma of the year, to people who know no better). The bad part is I would really love a girl (because this is last, tube getting tied/burnt whatever, and I already had Ds) but I know this will ramp up the crazy from his side... Sorry that was crazy long! Guess I really needed to get that out!
@jomama1618 I'm sorry that they aren't being more caring and excited for you guys. I know you've also been really sick, so it really sucks to not get that excitement from family too. While I hope that they will be more involved with #2, I can imagine that over compensating and fakeness isn't wanted either.
We haven't talked to H's family in quite a few years. His mother is just TOXIC, and his sisters aren't any better. It's way too much to type here, but good riddance.
Thanks @sammierose464! Definitely still sick and a little sad that they don't even seem as interested or excited about this baby ass they did with DS. Like, you ladies know more about my pregnancy and this tiny than they do. Smh. I hope they will be too, (as long as they don't try to make a difference between the kids if it is a female), but I doubt it from the way they have acted so far. (And some comments). It's ok, we are used to it, and this baby will be crazy loved either way!
@chopchop25 Toxic is the perfect way to explain many people in that family. @knottieamusements just made a crazy family thread for us! I've cut out lots of people, and severely limited others. But DH's normal meter is broke, so I have to point out the crazy as it happens and put boundaries etc in place. Thankfully he sees I'm right and follows my lead (knowing I have experience in this. My dad was crazy toxic before he passed.) So thankfully I've had a lifetime of preparing for this and shielding my kids from the toxic crazy crap!
@sliztee Ugh, that's the worst! I don't know what MIL's official diagnosis is, but I know she is diagnosed and is supposed to be medicated. Also know she chooses when she feels like taking it. Every (very limited, like literally maybe 3 day time hours of days a year) visit is a fun game of are you medicated today?! Sorry you ladies understand the crazy, but glad we can commiserate together!
@sliztee yes, it makes me crazy! And the worst part is, she now works in a medical field (cna or something) so she deals daily with the importance of meds being taken correctly and is STILL in total denial about her need for regular meds. I've spent my entire life surrounded by (and eventually started working in) different aspects of the medical fields, so it makes me.crazy as well!
Weird internet hugs to all having to deal with crazy family! I have little experience with it, but maybe enough to sympathize. I could always share a couple stories about my dad's second wife who was a Batsh*t crazy person. I had very little dealing with her, thankfully, but she was a trip!
Thank you all for the advice and support today. DH and I finally talked a little and we both feel better. Our buddy is spending the night tonight (he's been working on my custom shelves) so I teased DH he has to sleep with me. He told me he already planned too which made me happy.
My DH put the AS pics in his back pocket after we left the appointment and HE LOST THEM! I mean they weren’t the best pics but still. He feels bad, it was a total accident but I’m so annoyed!!!! Gah I guess I just have to try to remember it’s not a big deal and look forward to a lifetime filled with good photos. But ugh. Just venting.
There was a shot I wanted and didn't ask so I contacted my midwife to see if they are kept on file for any period of time. She is checking for me! @rc-cola do it!
So last night DH and I made grilled chicken and grilled zucchini for dinner. Guess who only ate the chicken and never even tried the zucchini. I gave him a hard time about it and he said his piece of chicken was too big to fit any zucchini on the plate. This is why I hate cooking.
@acciocoffee ugh that would annoy me. If he wants to make a change and eat cleaner, then I say he needs to cook for himself rather than you making things that he refuses to eat.
@acciocoffee That's too funny! I got the request from DH to go completely organic. I have celiac so gluten free food is expensive enough, but to go 100% organic too would put me out of business! I told him if he can eat 100% organic for 3 days (even while eating out) then I will consider it. That was a month ago and it never happened LOL
Re: Monday BF (May 21)
-You've worked 12 straight hours.
-You tossed and turned all night.
-You have a hangover (perhaps on the weekend)
-You stayed up too late and woke up at the same time as usual in the morning
If I indicate any of those things to him, he gets the picture that he's in a funk and claims responsibility for his behavior and usually goes to bed or will put away his work until tomorrow.
@sammierose464 DH and I were having a really rough time communicating and getting along the past couple of weeks as well. We bumped heads on everything. I went out of town for a conference for a few days and I think being apart really made us realize we were not being supportive of each other and I ended up really missing him while away. I'm not suggesting you skip town, haha, just saying maybe with a little time and some you time, you guys will find common ground again. I hope so anyway!
Most days I feel like the only adult in the house. Between SO, my mom, and my almost 20 year old brother no one wants to do anything! The house is a mess all the time and God forbid someone besides me has to cook dinner. I don't get home until 7 PM most nights and it's late when we eat. If my mom is off she either orders out because she "forgot" to defrost something for dinner (and none of us have to money to be eating out all the time) or it takes her three hours to cook something simple because she doesn't have all the ingredients. She can't meal plan to save her life and if she does all that means is that that's what I will be cooking/prepping for the week.
I have one child (and one on the way). I dont need to take care of grown ups that are just too lazy to do it themselves.
Sorry that got long. Haha
Thanks everyone. I try not to complain about him, because he's a great husband. But when i'm feeling like crap it makes it even harder when he's also feeling crappy. I know work is part of it. He's starting training for his new job today, so he's starting his new shift. He's also unhappy about his weight (but not doing anything about it...). I think it's a combo of things.
Amyway, processing it here may be helpful! And no judgment for complaining about your H! It’s part of what this community is for!
Also- grilled cheese! Yum!
But if this tiny has 2 X chromosomes instead of XY, the sky is going to open and she (all his mom's side actually) is never going to leave me the fuck alone! (She loves to look like mom/grandma of the year, to people who know no better). The bad part is I would really love a girl (because this is last, tube getting tied/burnt whatever, and I already had Ds) but I know this will ramp up the crazy from his side...
Sorry that was crazy long! Guess I really needed to get that out!
We haven't talked to H's family in quite a few years. His mother is just TOXIC, and his sisters aren't any better. It's way too much to type here, but good riddance.
@chopchop25 Toxic is the perfect way to explain many people in that family. @knottieamusements just made a crazy family thread for us! I've cut out lots of people, and severely limited others. But DH's normal meter is broke, so I have to point out the crazy as it happens and put boundaries etc in place. Thankfully he sees I'm right and follows my lead (knowing I have experience in this. My dad was crazy toxic before he passed.) So thankfully I've had a lifetime of preparing for this and shielding my kids from the toxic crazy crap!
@sliztee Ugh, that's the worst! I don't know what MIL's official diagnosis is, but I know she is diagnosed and is supposed to be medicated. Also know she chooses when she feels like taking it. Every (very limited, like literally maybe 3 day time hours of days a year) visit is a fun game of are you medicated today?!
Sorry you ladies understand the crazy, but glad we can commiserate together!
DD 3/15/12
DD 6/3/14
#4 Due 10/26/18!