Pregnant after IF

2nd Trimester Check-in w/o April 23rd

edited April 2018 in Pregnant after IF
How far along?
Appts this coming week?
How're you feeling this week?
GTKY:  What are your cravings or go-to snacks these days?

Don't forget HDBD on Wednesday... <img alt="" src="" height="20">
<p><b>Mommies to be:</b></p><p><a rel="nofollow" href=""><i>@coco305</i></a><i> EDD 7/14 to 3rd Tri...</i></p><p><a rel="nofollow" href=""><i>@jr102217</i></a><i> EDD 7/15 to 3rd Tri...</i></p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@cseley321</a> EDD 7/22 GIRL!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@safire3</a> EDD 7/23 BOY!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@irisheyes81</a> EDD 8/4 GIRL! </p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@2MomsHoping</a> EDD 8/12 GREEN!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@laurad75</a> EDD 8/20 BOY!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@sarcasticowl</a> EDD 8/30 GIRL!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@lablover78</a> EDD 9/1 BOY!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@hottietoddie</a> EDD 9/5 BOY!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@BusinessWife</a> EDD 9/9 GREEN!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@sarzee2</a> EDD 9/10 GREEN! </p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@adirat</a> EDD 9/15  BOY! </p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@marimarii</a> 9/30 Finding out...</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@chicandbubbly</a> 10/01 GIRL!</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@halfanewt</a> 10/3 GREEN!</p><p>@Klyn7 10/6 Finding out...</p><p><a rel="nofollow" href="">@dragonfly6191</a> 10/14 TWINS!</p><p>
</p><p>Please also let me know if I can add any updated information to the roster... ❤</p>

Re: 2nd Trimester Check-in w/o April 23rd

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  • @marimarii. You sound like you're being so healthy!  Cherry tomatoes and blackberries I'm sure are high in all sorts of antioxidants, and 40 min of exercise per day??!?!  Rockstar!  I only went once to the gym last week, but Im going to try again for a couple times this week.

    @cseley321. Omg, almost third tri!  I feel like this is going to fly by for us too here.  One minute you're in 2nd Trimester, next it's the AS, then viability, the 3rd Tri.  Whoosh!
  • @sarcasticowl. Sorry you're suffering with the reflux so much.  I feel like mine has improved maybe this past week, but definitely still had the awesome burp / throwup combo more than once!  :s. Yuck!
  • @sarcasticowl sorry you're getting bad heartburn :(  Years ago I had an ulcer and it got so bad that I couldn't eat anything except 1 peanut butter jelly sanswich per say. I would split it up half for noon and half for dinner. Any other food or any more than that would trigger a nighttime of pain and suffering. Hopefully it gets better for you!!
    sarcasticowl[Deleted User]
  • How far along? 15+3
    Appts this coming week? OB checkup tomorrow. No scan this time which makes me a little sad!
    How're you feeling this week? My energy is DEFINITELY back, thank goodness. Not really napping anymore and able to stay up until a decent hour again. Still some morning sickness though that I'd love to get rid of!
    GTKY:  What are your cravings or go-to snacks these days? No real particular cravings. Now that most of the (all day) sickness has gone away, I feel like I'm getting back to my regular eating habits. I still seem to need carbs in the morning but after that I've been able to go back to salads, yogurt, fruit, etc instead of 24/7 carbs!

    1st cycle of IVF started April 9, 2017. ER- 15R, 7M, 5F, 4 frozen, 1 transferred. BFN

    May 2017- Hysteroscopy

    June-August 2017- 2nd attempt via FET. 2 Embryos transferred on 08/10/17. BFP, but ended in a chemical.

    November 2017- Hysteroscopy

    January 2018- 3rd attempt via FET. 2 Embryos transferred on 01/25/18. BOLD BFP on a HPT on 1/31, Beta # 1 on 2/5= 721. Beta # 2 on 2/7- 1903. 6wk+3 day scan revealed twins!

    I'm blogging about it here

    [Deleted User]chicandbubblymarimariisafire3
  • hottietoddyhottietoddy member
    edited April 2018
    @cseley321 congratulations and heading into the home stretch! :smile:

    @sarcasticowl sorry to hear about the heartburn, man that sounds challenging.  I bet your OB will definately let you take something and can recommend the safest option.  You should def try some kind of meds to help though. I have found lately that if I use my u-shaped pregnancy pillow then put another pillow on top of it at the head it helps my hips and I am more propped up.  I haven't had heartburn yet, but I get kind of dizzy if I lay too flat and seem to sleep better and have my hips hurt less when propped up a bit.  Just an idea.  Hope you get some relief soon. 

    How far along? heading into week 21.  Technically I am 21 weeks tomorrow or wednesday as they have been measuring....

    Appts this coming week?  OB appointment tomorrow with sono and then dr. appointment.  My hubby is coming for sono, but my doctor always takes forever for appointment after, so if all is well with sono will probably do that myself and let him go back to work.  Guess we'll have to take two cars, but easier than boring him to death and making him stress out. The main issue I am thinking about now is what I am going to do after I have the baby for blood sugar and hormone control.  I want to stay on my metformin and then go on bc.  My ob said last time he wants me to go off everything to get a baseline for my blood sugar.  I am going to tell him no on that as it is torture and I can't risk being so miserable bleeding when have newborn. I have my next endo appointment on May 7th so going to probably talk to my endo and get her to back me up on a plan and then just tell my OB at next appointment after that.  If all is well tomorrow I might not even wait to see the doctor....or maybe I will but just not mention much and try and keep it short and sweet.

    How're you feeling this week?  I am okay, feeling tired and seem to keep forgetting I am pregnant then I get super tired and hungry.  This makes me in a bad mood or get down so trying to keep up the rest and eating healthy and regularily.  Also still having RL pain and had a bunch of that and stomach pain this weekend when moving around so much.  Wasn't too bad and still got a lot done, just had to lie down and take a couple breaks. I had gained a couple pounds the last 2 weeks, but they came off this weekend after we did a lot of work on the nursery, play room and office.  I'm about half way so gaining weight isn't a problem, I just wasn't feeling as good and moving around and getting exercise was exhausting but I feel really good after today.  Going to try and keep that exercise up this week.  Blood sugar still hasn't changed.  I am feeling good about that, but still have a ways to go.  A couple jerk doctors told me that it will most likely go way up and I might even need after meal insulin (shot after every meal) once I get into mid and later pregnancy.  I really hoping that is not the case. For now I am still only having insulin at night to control fasting BS so I can still go to morning time insulin prior to any of that after meal rediculous business. I think my weight control and diet and exersize has paid off which makes me feel good and accomplished.  

    This weekend we moved my office in with my husband's and then cleaned out the whole nursery and set up a TV/play room/Guest room with a new bed day bed.  We had to pick up furniture, build the day bed, and even buy mattresses this weekend.  We made so much progress and I am super happy with it so feeling really good.  Next phase is ikea furniture delivery and building which is coming next saturday.  My best friend who has two boys also went to lunch with me and looked through my registry and gave me tons of advice. She is a lot like me so I really liked everything she had to say.  I am feeling confident that I can finish that out now as well. I am getting close to having everything I need for a newborn which has been my strategy so that is helping me feel prepared.  My plan is to then register for larger clothing and other items that aren't as critical right off the bat.  I'll still need to make purchases after showers I'm sure, but it is helping my piece of mind to have critical newborn items put together.  

    GTKY:  What are your cravings or go-to snacks these days?  I have been really liking the Amy's pizza bite pocket thingies.  They take 1.5 minutes to heat up and with some bolthouse yogurt ranch dressing they are a very easy fast snack when I am just dying for food.  Been so hungry and I bit my husband's head off this weekend after not eating lunch soon enough!  I eat the same thing for breakfast every day, morning star spicy breakfast patties and a cinamon raisin english muffin with whipped butter.  Those english muffins are so good.  But I ate breakfast at like 7:30am really early on sunday and then barely made it to lunch.  I've been trying to eat something every 2 hours to help with mood and keep my blood sugar evened out. @marimarii I also have been loving cherry tomatoes!  I should get some more of those.  I have also been loving salmon!  If you haven't tried the fresh prepare salmon from costco you should.  It is seasoned, cut and even comes in a pan you cook it in.  I love fish but hate having to mess with it so I love this. It is a good price too.
    [Deleted User]adiratmarimariisafire3
  • @laurad75 and now I want a chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven... YUM! Too bad that would require some time to bake lol :D

    Me: 28, DH: 30 Married July 2014  DX: Severe MFI- 3 failed IUI's, IVF #1 Egg retrieval June 4th 2016, 5 day transfer- BFP Baby Boy! EDD 2/25/2017. Our sweet miracle Carter Bennett arrived 2/12/2017 6 lbs, 2 oz 19 inches. <3 Surprise BFP!!! Baby Girl due 10/1/2018.

    laurad75[Deleted User]marimarii
  • Lurking

    @sarcasticowl heartburn is truly the worst and I've had it from the beginning.  I still need to take tums to take the edge off at times but I needed meds from the OB to give me some
    Relief as I've been struggling from first tri.  I know u mentioned u can't sleep
    propped up but that actually helps.  Lying flat makes it unbearable and makes my nausea even worse! It's hard to flip for
    sure and my hips have bothered me for a while as well.  The more u progress ull need the other side.  I'll find myself in such pain that I have no other option after even an hour at times to get up and flip to the other hip.  Good luck!
    History of TTC in spoiler box
    TTC since 2014
    Unexplained Infertility - but I am 40...Low AMH .30
    7 - IUI (50mg-150mg Clomid) Feb - August 2016 all BFN 
    IVF#1 August 2016 (Antagonist protocol 4/5 eggs) Cancelled cycle :( RE thought I would get at least 10.
    IVF#2 Sept 2016 (microdose luporn pro - disappearing follies, ONLY ONE, convert to IUI) BFN
    IVF#3 November 2016 (4 ER, 3 F,  3DT)-BFP  with TWINS // MC both at almost 10wks  :'( 
    IVF#4 March 2017 //EPP  (10 ER (1 wonky so 9 ER) 7F, 3B (5AB, (2)5BB) PGS tested- ALL abnormal  :'( 
    IVF#5 April 2017 // EPP (7 ER, 7F yes! 6B) 2/5 day 4/6 day - 2 PGS normal! yes!! :)
    IVF#6 May 2017 // Antagonist didn't have time for Estrogen Priming...(4 ER, 3 F, 3B) (5AB, (2) 5BB) 2 PGS normal, yes!! :)
    IVF#7 June 2017 // EPP praying this is it and then on to an FET!

    [Deleted User]sarcasticowlsafire3
  • @chicandbubbly and @BusinessWife I had really bad gestational diabetes last pregnancy so I'm trying to prevent it this time. Even though the doctor said it's probably genetic, it couldn't hurt to exercise and eat healthy. I'm taking my first glucose test today.

    @BusinessWife I hope all is well with your scan. Counting down the weeks until I get mine!!
    [Deleted User]2MomsHopinghottietoddy
  • @marimarii hope your glucose test went well!

    Me: 28, DH: 30 Married July 2014  DX: Severe MFI- 3 failed IUI's, IVF #1 Egg retrieval June 4th 2016, 5 day transfer- BFP Baby Boy! EDD 2/25/2017. Our sweet miracle Carter Bennett arrived 2/12/2017 6 lbs, 2 oz 19 inches. <3 Surprise BFP!!! Baby Girl due 10/1/2018.

    [Deleted User]marimarii
  • Hey guys! Sounds like everyone is moving along!! 

    How far along: 25 weeks 2 days 
    appointments: I had my glucose test today and had to get that shot because of my negative blood type. I heard baby girl’s heartbeat and she was kicking the Doppler after that drink. Um i loved that drink and wanted more. Which brings me to my craivings.... sugar. That’s it. :) OH and I found out because I’m elderly (that was literally written on my lab slip) I get two more ultrasounds!!! One at 29 weeks and one at 36 weeks! I’m so excited. I had Braxton Hicks contractions one day last week. They happen when I’m dehidrated. Totally painless but there’s no question what it was. I was worried but apparently it’s very common. 

    I have heartburn too but it’s not anything like @sarcasticowl. My acupuncture lady put me on this huge wedge and it was super comfy and didn’t feel like sleeping sitting up like the elephant man. Maybe something like that until your doctor helps you. So sorry. 

    @BusinessWife so glad the AS went so well. Adorable!! I remember going through FET with you like it was yesterday. What a fun 2018. Hugs. 

    @hottietoddy I’ll be curious to see what your endo says. I went off metforman at 15 weeks and I’m worried about my glucose test. Keep us posted for sure and fingers crossed it’s all okay. 

    I left a bunch of people out but I’m on mobile so who knows if this will even post. you guys, it’s almost May. 
    • Me: 36 DH: 33
    • TTC since June 2016
    • Me: PCOS DH: Morphology 1%
    • 3 TI with Famera and trigger shots-BFN
    • 3 IUI's with Famera and trigger shots- BFN
    • IVF August 2017 25 eggs retrieved, 19 mature, 13 fertilized (ICSI), 5 frozen, 3 PGS normal 
    • FET November 2017 Transferred one 6 day blast (a little GIRL) BFP EDD 8/4/18

    [Deleted User]adiratsafire3kristimh80
  • @sarcasticowl I think I read on the 3rd tri board that someone got heartburn relief by doing apple cider vinegard in water before bed
    TTC since May 2013
    Mild PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR
    No Folic acid/pharmaceuticals/supplements (too many to list- private message me if interested), IVIL infusion
    [Deleted User]adiratsarcasticowl
  • @BusinessWife So glad you're appt went well.  

    @sarcasticowl My heartburn isn't nearly that bad but I had never had it before so I didn't know what it was.  It's so gross I'm nervous it will get worse.  I may try the apple cider vinegar trick.

    @Irisheyes81 Elderly?  Yikes!  I much prefer AMA.  
    History and blog link in spoiler
    2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 
    2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
    moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
    Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP!  baby boy born 8/22/18

    May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
    Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
    May 2020 FET; BFN
    July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
    Oct 2020 BFP! 

    Take a look at my blog

    [Deleted User]
  • Good news: I can take Zantac 150 once or twice a day and still take Tums whenever I need an extra boost. So yay! Also, slept SOLELY on my left side last night and was good. To. Go. Hips this morning? Not so much. But I'll take it over the alternative!
    [Deleted User]safire3
  • How far along? 27+1 - looks like next week I have to move on to third tri. I’ll definitely still be popping in here tho until you all join me!

    Appts this coming week? At OB’s now waiting for my blood draw after the glucose test

    How're you feeling this week? Ok. Just normal pregnancy stuff

    GTKY:  What are your cravings or go-to snacks these days? For some reason I crave tuna a lot but I’ve read you have to limit how much you eat in pregnancy. I usually snack on fruits. You guys exercising every day are rock stars. I get out of breath changing positions in bed so I plan to start walking again to try to bring up my endurance. 

    @sarcasticowl I have a h/o reflux which did not prepare me for this level of heartburn. When it started I had to go to the pharmacy immediately and bout some maalox and Pepcid (which were both on my approved list of meds from my OB’s office) and I took them both together because I felt like the back of my throat was being melted. Since then it seems sporadic, not every day but I also try to avoid foods that make it worse like coffee, orange juice, tomato sauce. 

    @BusinessWife yay so happy the scan went well! It’s always a treat to get to see so much of these little ones. 

    @Irisheyes81 I just did mine too and the drink was fine. I was worried when they gave me a barf bag just in case but mine tasted like flat orange soda and I was good with that. 
    [Deleted User]sarcasticowladirat
  • *lurking* @safire3 I'm at my OB's getting my glucose test too!
    @Irisheyes81 LOL elderly?! I love it. I'm geriatric, ya know. SMH
    [Deleted User]safire3
  • Hi everyone hope you are doing well.  I think I’m on an emotional hangover today.  I’ve been pretty “chill” through most of this pregnancy which is odd because that is not at all my nature.  Then on the way home from work it’s like I just cracked.  I was setting up appointments for the day care tours for some of the places we are on lists for.  We still haven’t figured out what we are doing and are in this weird limbo of trying to decide on full time daycare, a nanny share, or an au pair.  All are in the same ballpark price wise and there are pros/cons to each and my mind has just been spinning.  Anyways I just lost it crying…bawling by the time DW got home about how I don’t like any of the options and no one will take care of our baby like one of us and what if something happens…and it went on like that total panic mode.  I feel like I’m having this crazy mom/work life crisis.  I’ve always been extremely career driven and now honestly I just don’t really care about work as much.  I still get everything done, participate in projects, etc. but my heart isn’t in it.  it just doesn’t give me the high it used to, and if I’m honest if I had the option I much rather be a stay at home mom until the baby was school age, or at least till pre-school.  The problem is I am the primary earner and though we could theoretically live on DW’s salary it would require major life changes.  Like selling and downsizing the house just to start, which seems pretty drastic to me.  Then I get all mad at myself because I’ve worked so hard for my career and I have the feeling if I did stay at home my “glamorized” version of motherhood will come crashing down pretty soon.  I’m pretty decided that I don’t want to make any big changes right now.  I mean worst case I have the baby go back to work, do the child care thing and if we all hate it we can make the changes we need to make something else happen but I am just paralyzed in making a choice when I don’t really like any of them.  Is anyone else struggling with this?

    @marimarii that’s awesome that you are working so hard at the diet and exercise.  Even if genetics isn’t in your favor trying to be healthy should still be beneficial for you and your little one.  Good luck at your test!!!

    @businesswife so happy your anatomy scan went well, glad you got some good pictures and they didn’t give you a hard time about the weight gain.  Yeah, when I did my first weight at the RE it was higher than I expected by about 7lbs, I don’t regularly weight myself at home and those fertility hormones can cause weight gain even before baby.  Just take it in stride.  I think it’s pretty much impossible to make it through the 3rd trimester without gaining so try not to get too stressed about it just do what you can with your healthy eating.

    @irisheyes81 they need to get rid of the term elderly pregnancy.  So offensive.  Based on the “81” in your screen name I’m guessing we are the same level of “elderly” lol and I don’t feel elderly at all.  My neighbor asked how old I was after I told her I was pregnant, “36, but I’ll be 37 when the baby is born.”  Oh that’s so old she said.  I was like really?!? To be fair I honestly didn’t take offense she’s an old lady and has a very loose tongue, and she proceeded to say far worse things about how me being pregnant will make our weeds even worse for her to contend with this year (eye roll). 

    @lablover78 I would love to see a pic of your closet if you can manage it.  We just added a little ikea square shelf at the bottom for now but I love closet organization and would love to see how it turned out!    

    Me:38 DW:33 
    TTC History in Spoiler ***Trigger Warning*** Losses/Child Mentioned 
    Dx: My wife has no sperm  :D and apparently my embryos aren't as good as they look

     * April IUI#1 - BFN
     * June IUI#2 - BFN
     * July IUI#3 - CP  :'(
     * Sept IVF#1 - 4 Retrieved & Mature, 4 Blasts.  Fresh Transfer 1  - CP  :'(
     * November FET #1 - Transferred 1 Blast - CP  :'(
    2017 Switched REs - Recurrent loss testing for me - all normal, remaining 2 frosties sent for PGS - both abnormal
     * April/May IVF#2:  9 retrieved, 8 mature, 7 fertilized, 7 blasts!  Sent for testing - 2PGS Normals (0 remaining)
     * November IVF #3 12R, 8M, 6F, 4 blasts! - All 4 PGS normal!
     * November FET# 2 (Transfer a PGS normal from IVF#2) - BFP!!!
    2018 DD born 8/20/18
    2019 5PGS frosties ( 4 remaining)
      * September FET#3 (1PGS normal) - Beta#1: 139.7  Beta#2: 322.6

    [Deleted User]sarcasticowlsafire3
  • @2MomsHoping. We are facing some of those same questions.  For me, my job was never something I started out on, looking at it as a career.  My boss, of course, would love to see me stay and move up and up and do all the things, though!

    But if I'm honest - two things. 1) the benefits, and specifically ivf coverage with no cap is the main reason I came / am here.  And to that end, 2) We already got out of it the main thing wanted, which was DHs retrieval, two retrievals for me, a polypectomy, two FETs, one sticky bean, and five precious snobabies waiting for us.  So while I don't necessarily want to drop those benefits, even if we had to pay for embryo storage going forward, and future FETs, all OOP, we would find a way.

    Personally, I think I would love to come back to a 20 hour role, (that still comes with benefits), enlist family help for those 20 hours, and go from there.  If things got to where with DHs work we didn't have to worry about coverage, we could just go back to the type we had before and pay cash for our transfers, I would love to stay home FT, and even home school up until around middle school or HS.  Meanwhile, DH would happily stay home himself, if I were raking it in at the bank, but for that to happen, even that would take several years to work up to, and I'm not sure I'm interested in throwing myself into fulltime work when my babies are still small.  So it's tough.  Maybe harder though in your case, since it sounds like you felt like you once really were enjoying your career path, where for me, the Bank was something I never saw coming, just jumped at the opportunity to make our baby-dreams come true!  But there is a lot to be said for living simpler, if that's what makes your household happier. ;)
  • hottietoddyhottietoddy member
    edited April 2018
    Hi guys-

    There is a 25% off bra sale today on motherhood maternity website, and there is also another promo code for an additional 10% off which you can use at the same time.  I'm getting a couple new bras because I am outgrowing the ones I have.

    TMI but my boobs have really started to change these last couple weeks and it is a little unnerving.  They are swollen and now red for about 2 inch circle around the lighter skin around the nipple.  It is probably just extra blood flow and they are redder after a shower. It also feels hard around my now giant nipples.  I guess they are changing for milk purposes but they are starting to really hurt.  I had legitimate sharp pain the last couple nights because I guess I was sleeping on my left one. I think I am going to look into some of those sleep bras and have my doctor take a look tomorrow as well. Was wondering if others have similar issues.  Also they are just already getting so big- they are going to be enormous and I think I might need to get into the larger over DD bra sizing. 

    @2MomsHoping I'm sorry to hear about the meltdown (as I call them).  I've had several along the way and had a ton of anxiety and one full blown panic attack at 4am last saturday just about moving our house around so much for the nursery and playroom.  It all worked out and I feel so much better after getting some progress made.  There is something about pregnancy hormones that just seem to allow small or large anxiety to just spiral so quickly!  I know the feeling well. So maybe try and calm down a little bit and do some relaxation techniques so you don't get so worked up.  I have found light exersize, breathing, a nap or snack can help.  Or just doing something else for a while to take your mind off for a bit. 

    So my situation is a little different, but I've actually been making a major shift in my career for about 2.5 years now.  I used to be a building architect right out of school, then switched to landscape design.  I feel like I have slowly let go of my career a bit over the last 10 years....  I worked my butt off for about 5 years for a large company, then tried to switch to a LA firm after that.  They promised time off and work life balance, truned out to be awful.  So I was going to quit, but let them let me go for the severance, then took that and started my own business. That was very challenging and I still feel embarassed about being fired, although my therapist says 'why? It just wasn't for you'  I make about half as much money as I did before but I have the flexibility to work at home and schedule my life how I would like. It took me several years to really adjust to working less and focusing less on my career so all I can say is try and give yourself time to adjust.  I felt like a loser and I wasn't doing enough and I also get bored and lonely commonly.  I am recently looking for mentally stimulating books to read just so I can exersize my brain more because my current work is a little on the easier side and I get bored.   I also think I will be bored once the kid is here, although I will love spending time with him, I already feel isolated just being pregnant and working at home.  So the grass isn't always greener on the other side.  I really think I needed the flexibility and reduced stress to get pregnant so in the end I am pretty happy with my decisions. 

    If you are like me you probably want everything decided up front ahead of time.  I am personally trying after this weekend to realize that there are some things that will just work out and we will decide as we go.  I do understand that you will need child care set up ahead of time though so you are prepared for maternity leave. Maybe try and focus on the positives of your options.  One thing I will say is it sounds like you have some really nice options laid out!  All of those options are pretty fancy compared to what some people's options are.  There are several benefits to having a nanny or day care that might not be apparent too. For example I had a friend that stayed home with her child and he was a huge clingy mess by the time he was 2!  She watched another little girl with him and he was still so clingy to his mother it was weird, so being around other kids is a great thing. Some people only have the option of grandparents or family members watching their kids, which to me sounds like a nightmare.  You also have a nice job which allows you to afford a nice house and if the time comes you could downgrade.  It would be a shift, but some people don't even have the nice house to begin with.  Some people have to work full time just to live a lifestyle that is barely getting by.  I try and tell myself that when I feel down sometimes.  Another example: My SIL works at a glorified daycare (mothers day out) to afford child care for her kids.  They are way in over their heads on their mortgage and lifestyle.  I personally, would go crazy working at a place like that and they are having a third kid too. Their only other child care option is her mother watching her kids and my MIL is cray.   I guess they are happy with this layout, but to me personally, it would be hell.  My husband and I have made totally different lifestyle choices.  So to each their own and I personally need a career of some sort to stay happy and sane.  I am a smart person and invested so much time and money and effort in my education and career, I'm not willing to throw it away and I would be very bored and unhappy without it.   The other thing you might consider is kind of a meet in the middle solution.  Could you find a part time 20 hour per week job that allowed you to pare back but also work?  I know that is easier said than done and like I mentioned before, it's taken me a few years to figure that one out myself. 

    I am planning to go to half time in June when it gets hot, but may work a bit more pending what comes along, I just have to stay out of the heat.  Then from Sept.- Feb I plan to be off on maternity leave.  We have made several decisions over the last few years in preparation and finances has been one of the main reasons we have waited to have a child.  We are both just wanting to be very careful to make sure we still can feel comfortable and not stress about money.  My husband and I both get a lot of anxiety about money.  I had some major issues in 2008 and also after going through a divorce at the same time.  It was so awful, I never want to go through something like that again.  We kept our house that isn't the fanciest and just fixed it up a bit instead of moving to a nicer neighborhood like several of our friends.  

    Sorry for rambling.... just wanted to tell you you are not alone and I think every new mom struggles with this!
    [Deleted User]
  • I'm also struggling with a post baby work plan.  H is dead set against me coming back to work where I am now because its not worth the commute - between gas, mileage on the car and the ridiculous cost of daycare in the city the cost just doesn't make sense.  I don't argue because I don't want to go back to work FT but I do want to work in some capacity and I don't know what that will look like.  I need to start researching WFH options but I can't really do that safely from work.  It's overwhelming.  
    History and blog link in spoiler
    2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 
    2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
    moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
    Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP!  baby boy born 8/22/18

    May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
    Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
    May 2020 FET; BFN
    July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
    Oct 2020 BFP! 

    Take a look at my blog

    [Deleted User]sarcasticowlsafire3
  • @2MomsHoping (and everyone else struggling with meltdowns and back to work struggles) I have had MAJOR anxiety about a totally different issue. My MIL will be the primary caregiver which is obviously amazing because it's free, but I am having a lot of struggle with not having a professional boundary with my childcare. Like, am I going to be able to tell my MIL not to do something, or that I prefer things this way, when its not like I'm employing her? I have this fear that I'll never feed my child dinner or give it it's bath because I'll be getting home from work at 6 PM and I think she'll have done all of that already to "help" me. Part of what gives me this anxiety as well is that we live in the same brownstone as my IL''s literally us on the top floor, BIL and his girlfriend on the floor below us and then IL's on the bottom 3 floors. They're all separate apartments, but I just have this fear about her popping in all the time, or saying the baby is already asleep when I get home, he/she can just stay down here all night. I've had a lot of stressful discussions with DH about this and he reassures me again and again that it's OUR baby and WE will be raising it, but I think we just have to wait and see.

    I LOVE my job and have a lot of flexibility as far as hours and ability to work from home, which will definitely be a help. Financially we could live on DH's salary, but I've put that burden on him in the past and don't want to do it again. We also live in such a high COL area and I really want to be able to buy a house in the next 5 years, so my income and raises every year are definitely necessary.

    20+1 today, and AS is tomorrow morning!
    Me: 31 DH: 34
    Together Since 5/07, Married 5/13
    TTC Since 8/15
    3 Cycles Clomid/Ovidrel/TI-11/16, 12/16, 1/17-All Failed
    Switched RE's 1/17
    4 IUIs-2/17 through 6/17-All Failed
    ER-8/30/17-25 Eggs Retrieved=7 PGS Normal Embyros
    FET#1 of 1 Embryo-10/3/17-Chemical
    FET#2 of 2 Embryos-11/16/17-Failed
    FET#3 of 1 Embryo-12/22/17-BFP!
    Carter Wright arrived 9/5/18
    sarcasticowlsafire3[Deleted User]
  • @2MomsHoping I think your conundrum would make an awesome new post. We haven't discussed what we're all planning on doing/how much time we'll take off, etc. after our babies are born, and all the guilt and frustration or other feels that we might feel about our particular life situations.  :)
    adirat[Deleted User]laurad75
  • @2MomsHoping just chiming in to say I’m also worried about what we will do for child care and I haven’t even started researching yet. I’m lucky to be working part time - 3 days a week and one weekend per month - but that is mainly because the workload was too much for me when I started this job and I spend about half of my days off finishing work from home. Although I have invested so much in my career I actually think I would love being a stay at home mom but it’s not practical for us either. I make more working part time than DH makes working full time so it would mean some major changes for us as well. I’m even anxious about the 2-3 months that I will be on unpaid maternity leave. 
    For now I’m hoping we can get a nanny to come for the 3 days per week but if we can’t afford it then it will have to be daycare. I don’t really like the idea of someone living in like an au pair.
    DH of course is not worried about it and thinks his parents can help since they are retiring soon but they live one hour away so I don’t see how that would work. I’d have to drive an hour there to drop the baby off then and hour back to work and again in the evenings so I don’t think so. 
  • Klyn7Klyn7 member
    I took a week off last week, work has been crazy. @BusinessWife, will you add me to the list? Due date is 10/6/18, and we are not going to find out the sex of the baby (hopefully!). Thank you!

    How far along? 16+3

    Appts this coming week? I just had one last week and was kind of shocked by how short and uneventful it was. After being with an RE for so long, I keep expecting the OB to worry about me. 

    How're you feeling this week? I feel good! Though awkwardly fat. I can't wait to start showing more.

    GTKY:  What are your cravings or go-to snacks these days? Hamburgers and french fries. I don't eat them often but I realllllly want to. 

    @2MomsHoping: I am struggling with this a lot, too, but I pretty much have no choice but to work full time. I live in Denver, and the cost of living (esp housing) is fairly high. My husband just doesn't make enough money for us to live on his income alone. I am a public school kindergarten teacher, so I will be working mostly just to pay for health insurance and childcare. I also have to continue working for public schools/government for several more years in order to get student loan forgiveness. I never thought making money would be that important to me (hence the choice of profession), but I also never knew how difficult it would be just to pay for regular life. I just started looking into daycare and was underwhelmed with the options. I think we will probably go with a nanny share, because that's what some of our friends do, and they seem happy with that choice. 
    Me: 36 DH: 34 Dx: MFI, TTC since 2014
    3 IVF retrievals.
    PGS and PGD results from 9 embryos: 1 genetically normal embryo.
    April 2017 transfer. BFP! M/C 11 weeks.
    Donor embryo program: January 2018 transfer. BFP, EDD 10/6/18

    [Deleted User]chicandbubbly
  • Got the closet pic uploaded in the spoiler! 

    Completely agree on the childcare anxiety. I’m an Attorny and my DH and I own a small practice. He’s not an attorney/ runs the business side so I don’t have a choice. One of my major problems is no real maternity leave- my friends think I’m crazy but what choice do I really have? I have only realized how much I actually work since being pregnant- many more nights/weekends than I realized. I am so worried I won’t be able to have enough quality fam time so I’m trying to figure that out. Our tentative childcare plan is my mom 2 days/wk, nanny 2 days/wk and my DH and I switching off every other Friday. I haven’t priced nannies and have no idea if this will work. I drove by a place called College Nannies & Tutors the other day and they are a national franchise so I’m going to start there and pray it’s not too expensive since they do training/background/payroll etc. I’m so lucky to have my mom - she’s 71 and I’m hoping she can handle it! 

    TTC since May 2013
    Mild PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR
    No Folic acid/pharmaceuticals/supplements (too many to list- private message me if interested), IVIL infusion
    [Deleted User]sarcasticowl
  • Hang in there & take care of yourself @hottietoddy we are here for you. You have the right frame of mind and are such a strong mommy already xo
    TTC since May 2013
    Mild PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR
    No Folic acid/pharmaceuticals/supplements (too many to list- private message me if interested), IVIL infusion
    [Deleted User]
  • Regarding childcare vs staying home, I made the decision with my first child to quit my job. I was a construction manager and worked approximately 60 hours a week (for pretty good pay). We have always kept our monthly budget so that either one of us could keep us afloat if the other suddenly lost their job, so downsizing wasn't an issue.

    What eventually swayed me to quit was the thought that I went through so much garbage to get pregnant with my daughter, I want to enjoy everything I can.

    Fast forward to the present, I am now working part time from home to help boost our income. I got hired at my old company to work at a much lesser capacity, so it's all working out. I just hope I can juggle it all once the new baby is here. 

    Do whatever is best for your family! There are pro's and con's for both. I will say I went through a nasty PPD, i think mostly because I felt overwhelmed and missed working... but since I started working some, my attitude is much better. 
    [Deleted User]sarcasticowl2MomsHoping
  • @2MomsHoping. I don't <i>really</i> know if coming back part time will be an option, but I did start at part time and shortly went up to fulltime.  If I we're to come back part-time, hypotheticallly, they would need to have someone else cover my other 20-30 hours budgeted for my role.  And when I brought it up to my assistant manager, pointing out that whoever they get in to cover while I'm out on leave could presumably go from 40 to 30 and take 10 more hours to cover another location, she just laughed.  As in she didn't think they would actually have anyone cover my hours while I'm out for four months. :flushed: I can't even imagine.  So I kinda have to wait and see how this plays out...

    @hottietoddy. Good luck today!!!

    @Klyn7. Welcome back!  Second Tri has a way of flying by....
  • @hottietoddy GL today!

    @lablover78 The closet looks awesome.  I can't wait to get into our new place and put the nursery together.  

    @sarzee2 That is super tricky.  I think its totally appropriate for you to set some boundaries like saying that its really important to you to feed the baby when you get home or put the baby down unless something comes up and you tell her otherwise.  Those are really close quarters and I couldn't do it with my IL's but it is great that you have the help. 
    A while back there was some talk of us moving to CT and into the house H grew up in (he bought the house from his divorced parents several years ago and we rent it) but I couldn't live there.  MIL will always think of it as her house and I'm sure would treat it as such.  That's just too much for me.  
    History and blog link in spoiler
    2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 
    2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
    moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
    Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP!  baby boy born 8/22/18

    May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
    Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
    May 2020 FET; BFN
    July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
    Oct 2020 BFP! 

    Take a look at my blog

    lablover78[Deleted User]
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