trying not to feel blue- first pregnancy and first loss

knottie7b4e61387771ddf2

Hi everyone!

A little over 3 weeks ago I miscarried. I never knew how physically painful it could be. Emotionally I was fine until late last week- I’ve just been crying randomly and sometimes feeling obsessed with researching and trying to understand this.

Everything was great tested positive at 4 weeks felt slight symptoms and was so excited for my first OB..... BUt experienced spotting right at 8 weeks, when I went to ER for spotting Dr. told I was fine and only 5 weeks + 4 days (after imaging and blood work)- I just knew things weren’t adding up to when I had a positive result- Er told me to go home and relax, two hours later it started and was the most pain I’ve ever experienced.

My husband and I had sex last week for first time last Monday, I was feeling pregnant again Saturday and took a test- it was faintly positive, then tested again Sunday line was even more faint. The false hope has set me back and I find myself wanting to test if ovulating but just feel so lost.

What’s your experience with TTC after MC?

prpl11butterfly

First off, I am so sorry for your loss. Until you experience it, you have no idea how heartbreaking it is.

My loss was about 4 weeks ago (on Thursday). I had a missed misscarriage and opted to have a D&C because my body wasn't "letting go". I am just today getting negative HPT. Friday I had a faint faint line. I am still having pregnancy symptoms as a result of the fluctuating hormones. My smell seems heightened, my boobs are killing. But I know I'm not pregnant. We are TTC but I'm not expecting success this month. My doctor said it was highly unlikely (though possible) to conceive again before having a propper period.

Have you seen your Doc since this happened? I beleive in cases where you MC naturally they monitor your HCG to 0 to watch for signs of potential issues  (such as molar pregnancy). In cases like mine, the tissue is tested to after surgery.

Make sure you take all the time you need to grieve and mourn your loss.

knottie7b4e61387771ddf2

Thanks so much for your kids words prpl, my doctor is affiliated with the ER I went to the day my MC started so she was able to review the imaging done there (where the discharged me without finding) as well as review all bloodwork. In addition the next morning I went into my OBs to do a scan to see if I passed everything completely, luckily I had. I also had a chance to discuss next steps, which didn’t require any additional follow up to MC (since it passed complete)

She was so empathetic about the hospital giving me false hope- even though I was bleeding, vomiting and in incredible pain I was in denial through most of the actual miscarriage which unfolded at home. The Er told me my cervix was closed and I was having no signs of MC (incidentally when I went to ER my hormone levels dropped to what would read normal for 5 weeks, so bloodwork and US matched). ER had also advised me I’d experience red blood from the cerical exam and transvaginal US and warned me not to take pain relievers or pain meds. They insisted I had my LMP wrong and that I likely had a false positive test when I though lt I found out

bethica83

I'm so sorry. Your loss was about a week after I found out about my loss too but my body held on so I did a D&C two weeks ago. I am just in the past couple days getting negative HPTs and I definitely had symptoms on and off through last week.

There is just no way to prepare for any loss but especially this one. It is extra heartbreaking when your body is signaling that it is pregnant when you know you are not.

Take all the time to need to grieve and we are here for you. Peace and love to you @knottie7b4e61387771ddf2

PS We'd love to get to know you a little better - updating your screen name will help us do that!

holly321

@knottie7b4e61387771ddf2, first, I am sorry for your loss. To follow up with what @prpl11butterfly said, even when an ultrasound shows that there was nothing retained, it is best to have your HCG followed to 0 after a natural miscarriage, to rule out complications such as molar pregnancy.  I had one over the summer, and every ultrasound I had, it did not show up, and my hcg continued to climb (even with d& C's). 
Having a positive test at this time could likely at this time still be from your last pregnancy.  Unfortunately, until your hormones are normalized, pregnancy symptoms will occur.  I am sorry this last set you back emotionally, I went through something similar after my first loss, being unsure if the positive test weeks later was a new loss or leftover HCG, it is hard not knowing how to feel or grieve. 

kathrenne

I really, really want to stress what Holly has said. 

The imaging is not going to tell you absolutely that the pregnancy is over; the only way to know is an hcg beta quant via blood work. 

You having a second positive test that soon is legitimately concerning because if you are getting it only three weeks post loss, you haven't had time to reliably get into a new cycle, so you wouldn't be able to reliably even tell if you've ovulated. 

If your hcg wasn't tracked to zero, there may still be product of conception you haven't passed that could be causing additional scarring to any number of things, especially if you have an ectopic somewhere. Given your time frame, my gut is that you are in the same pregnancy and you need follow up for the sake of your health. 

Ask for an hcg beta quant. In fact, insist on it, and go from there, please. Not doing it carries substantial risk to your reproductive health, and there's no downside to having it tested. 

holly321

And to add to what @kathrenne, and I said.... I was hemorrhaging on several occasions, each time, they did an ultrasound to look for retained tissue, which makes me think there was a chance, in their mind, they thought it was possible to miss it in an ultrasound.

kathrenne

That is an unfortunate truth. Twelve out of my fifteen losses were never able to be visualized on ultrasound, and two of those had to be treated with methatrexate because hcg levels would drop, then rise again. If your hcg beta quant isn't at least 1000, and preferably 1500-2000, there is no expectation of seeing anything on ultrasound, even though "positive" pregnancy beta quant is only 10. It happens, and those pregnancies are, first, never viable, and second, potentially causing damage while they stick around. Blood draws will be the only way to know that your body isn't messing with you. I know it sucks, but please get checked.