did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal?
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it?
did you poop on the table?
how was your first BM?
how can H best help in the first few days?
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting?
1. I tore with both kids. Externally with DS. Internally with DD. Not sure how many stitches. I never asked. I’d say it was 4 weeks for the stitches to be gone.
2. I didn’t get engorged with either kid. My milk gradually came in. Let down feels like boob tingles. My SIL said it felt like a small cramp. I’d agree.
3. Nope. No poop during delivery for me.
4. My first PP BM was fine. Not painful or anything.
5. My H got up at every night wake up and changed baby’s diaper while I got ready to nurse. Then when he passed baby to me, he’d go into the bathroom and fill my squirt bottle so it was ready for me when I went to the bathroom after nursing. H was also in charge of meals after baby #1. After baby #2, I had no problem taking care of dinner.
6. Nothing weird happened from what I remember. Definitely listen to the weight lifting restrictions. I overdid it after DS and saw that I bled a lot more when I overdid it. I listened after DD and never had the random heavier flow days.
@Jocelyn0415 I remember wanting to smack my doc too and was like “get out!!!!!” but I never tore either and think his “hands on” approach I can thank for that.
did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal? Yes- 2nd degree tear but no idea how many stitches. I popped one while getting out of bed in the middle of the night that first week home which was excruciating. I feel like it took about a month for me to feel sorta normal down there again.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it? It took 5 days for my milk to come in so we had to supplement in the meantime because my giant kid was starving. I was pumping every 2 hours for 30min and getting drops. It was insanely difficult and awful and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. My son had trouble latching due to the larg size of my breasts so we worked with a lactation consultant for the first few months to get it right. I don’t necessarily “feel” my letdown but it made me want to throw up every time. For 9 months every time we did a feeding I wanted to hurl. It was awful. Ice water helped make that sensation go away. I have what is called DMER and basically breastfeeding made me feel depressed and shitty every time we did it. I have zero good memories of breastfeeding and was so relived to stop. I felt like an entirely different person within a few days of stopping- like I had been in a fog for 9months. This next time around my goal is to make it 6months and not put so much pressure on myself because my mental health is important too.
did you poop on the table? My H says yes but that it was cleaned up immediately. I didnt notice.
how was your first BM? Fine. It was within a couple hours of birth and just sort of slid out without me trying. I took all the colace they gave me when I was home though- it helps!
how can H best help in the first few days? Remain even keeled. My hormones were nuts and emotions were so high. We struggled big time those first few days and my H lost his cool a few times which made everything worse. He had no idea what to do with me sitting in bed holding my baby and sobbing for no reason in the middle of the night and got frustrated and upset which was 100% not what I needed at that point. We’ve had lots of talks about it since then and he’s apologized for his behavior in those first few months.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting? I really had no idea what to expect so it was all a bit startling. I feel like I was really prepared for the worst case scenario so when it wasn’t so bad I was ok. The floppy PP tummy was not cool though. Trying to shove that into jeans was awful.
@chicandbubbly I forgot about the after pains! I had them so bad after my second it literally felt like I was in labour again every time I breastfed. That is something I never expected and would be happy to forget about.
Yes! I didn’t have anything like that with #1. After #2, it felt like labor every time DD nursed for a week. Ugh. I hear it gets worse with every kid. Not looking forward to that.
I have a weird one. Talk to me about post partum sex. Painful? Less sensitive? Dry?
Dry. Soooooo dry. We used lube for a while getting back into things and it helped a lot.
It did hurt at first, but each time got better. Honestly the first few times were basically 100% for MH's enjoyment, but between lube and taking it slow, we were able to ease back in without too much pain on my part.
I never noticed any difference in sensitivity.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
@Redpuma119 I never did leak, but I preferred to keep a bra/shirt on anyway for an extra layer of protection. I was very much so of the mentality that boobs were for baby, not for my husband and didn't want him touching them at all. That's just me though and I imagine others don't mind as much.
I felt the same. Honestly I'm just now starting to get more comfortable with him touching them again now that DS is 100% weaned. He's already aware they will be off-limits again in 6 months or so.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal?
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it?
did you poop on the table?
how was your first BM?
how can H best help in the first few days?
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting?
Yes. I don't know how many stitches but I don't think it was that many. It was only 1st or 2nd degree, I can't remember. I do remember feeling a pulling sensation a few times getting up out of certain chairs, but in general it wasn't bad and I was fully healed by my 6 week PP visit.
Engorgement hurt, but I didn't find it terrible. It made getting DS to latch more difficult. You can hand express some milk if it gets to be too much or LO can't latch, but don't pump because it can make it worse. I had porn star boobs for a few days once we got home, but they figured things out after a few days and after that I only got engorged if I was really full. It can be painful though - like a strong aching feeling.
I did not poop on the table. I thought I did but MH watched the whole delivery and confirms I did not. I didn't feel like eating once I went into labor so I had no solid food after lunch time Monday and DS was born just before 9am Tuesday. I imagine that helped. I was more worried about pooping on the table in front of MH than anything. Really hoping I get away without doing it again.
My first BM was fine. It actually happened in the hospital before we were discharged and basically happened with no pushing. At the recommendation of an IRL friend who had a baby a few months before me, I started taking colace the week leading up to delivery. I imagine this helped a lot!
He helped best by getting me whatever I needed. Got me food, drinks, more pillows, etc. Changed diapers so I didn't have to get up to do it myself all the time. We got home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon and he went back to work Monday. I had one day were DS was really unsettled and wouldn't stop crying all afternoon. MH came home with a bottle of wine, took DS and told me to go outside for a short walk. When I came back in there was a glass of wine waiting for me.
My rib cage expanded during pregnancy and at 18.5 months post-partum it still hasn't gone back to where it used to be. And since I'm pregnant again it won't be happening any time soon. So clothing that SHOULD have fit a few months post-partum never fit again because my rib cage was wider. Any event needing a dress has required I go shopping because nothing I own will zip.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
Any tips on what to pack in your hospital bag? We're doing a birthing center so no overnight stays (unless I'm still in labor). Does that change what I should pack much?
I WAY overpacked and I was there from Monday night to Thursday afternoon. I ended up not wearing any of my own clothing and stayed in the hospital gown the whole time.
I did shower before I left so my own mini-toiletries were awesome to have. Also cheap flip flops for the shower that I didn't even take home.
I brought music and cards, but since I labored overnight we slept when we could. Even if I wasn't trying to sleep I don't think either of those would have helped me. The Monday Night Football game on TV was a much better distraction.
Snacks for MH were good, but I brought a ton a quarters for vending machines and didn't use any of them.
I'm blanking on what else was in my bag, but I'll try to think more.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
I was given Tylenol and Motrin to take on a rotating basis after delivery. At one point I forgot to take them. DO NOT DO THIS!!! The nursing session after I forgot was miserable with the cramps. It wasn't bad at all when I took my meds, but forgetting them was a bad idea!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
If you live in a house with multiple floors, I recommend a changing station on each floor, at least at the beginning. DS's nursery is on the 2nd floor so I set up our pack 'n play w/ changing station on the 1st floor so I didn't have to climb stairs to change his diaper.
This can be majorly helpful at the beginning when recovering from the birth, especially since doing stairs too often is not recommended and for some moms could increase bleeding.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________ MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks DS born 9/13/16 BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
I was given Tylenol and Motrin to take on a rotating basis after delivery. At one point I forgot to take them. DO NOT DO THIS!!! The nursing session after I forgot was miserable with the cramps. It wasn't bad at all when I took my meds, but forgetting them was a bad idea!
I completely forgot about this! Yes, take the Motrin and Tylenol. Do not skip your Motrin and Tylenol!
I totally agree with the Motrin/Tylenol! And don't turn down the ice packs for down there... my hospital put ice in a newborn diaper- sounds weird but it was AMAZING!
Another thing that can help with tearing is positions during the pushing! I was mostly in hands and knees and side lying and I think that helped, don't take this as medical advice though lol I never would have expected to be in these positions-I always envisioned birth as lying down on your back, but that didn't end up being my experience. I didn't have an epidural so not sure how much you would be able to change positions in this case but it's worth asking your midwife or OB!
Me: 28, DH: 30 Married July 2014 DX: Severe MFI- 3 failed IUI's, IVF #1 Egg retrieval June 4th 2016, 5 day transfer- BFP Baby Boy! EDD 2/25/2017. Our sweet miracle Carter Bennett arrived 2/12/2017 6 lbs, 2 oz 19 inches. Surprise BFP!!! Baby Girl due 10/1/2018.
did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal? -I tore a little naturally and then got an episiotomy. I don't know how many stitches and I didn't ask! I actually felt totally comfortable within a week, so I think my recovery went well, considering, but sex was a different story - I'll answer that Q below this set.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it? -I didn't have like insane engorgement - I wasn't ever in pain from it or anything like that. For me, it was a huge relief to have my milk come in because we had lots of trouble breastfeeding until that happened. The colostrum just wasn't enough to keep my son interested & latched. Once my milk came it he was like "ooooooh, this is good!" and everything started to click. I had a weird tingly/burning sensation when letdown happened for the first few weeks, but it wasn't uncomfortable, just weird!
did you poop on the table? YUP! I felt a little...nugget...come out. I didn't care at all and the nurse just wiped it right away. Really no big deal at all and not something to stress over whatsoever.
how was your first BM? -OMG, I was TERRIFIED. It didn't happen until I think 5 days after both, and I kept going into the bathroom feeling like I was going to war. TBH, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was prepared for it to be. I don't even think it was actually painful, it's just like...scary, because so much has happened down there and you're just afraid of upsetting anything. I have some real tips that helped me make it through the first few times, but I'll share those when we get closer!
how can H best help in the first few days? -Make sure he knows just as much about breastfeeding as you do. If you see any LC's in the hospital, have the LC show him exactly what a good latch should look like, how to help you get baby positioned, etc. You totally need 4 adult hands & arms to help you get situation for a little while. My H was suuuuuper helpful when it came to breastfeeding and he really encouraged and supported me sticking with it.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting? -So obviously all I have is one experience, and idk how normal this is, but I remember feeling scared at how bad I felt in the first couple of days after birth. Like, I felt as if I had been hit by a bus. I definitely pulled muscles in my shoulders from pushing, and everything "down there" felt so tender that I felt like I had to be so careful even standing up and sitting down. I walked like a 100-year old man for a little while. But - within 5 days I was taking walks around the block with my baby, so I did recover very quickly, it was just a rough first few days for me.
Ok, sex. We didn't even try until about 15 weeks PP, and it hurt, a lot. We tried maybe 1x a month for a long time after that. I cried about it a lot because I felt like it would never be the same again. I grit my teeth to get through it many many times because I SO wanted to have that part of our relationship back, but DH didn't want to hurt me at all, so he really stopped trying to initiate anything. The sex issues were one of the reasons I decided to wean DS after a year. Seriously - it was like night and day after I weaned. FINALLY I actually wanted to have sex again and think felt (mostly) the same again. It still took a few months after that to get all my parts used to everything again, but now we are back to normal. I don't think my experience is the norm, but I also think it is good to know that you might not want to jump right back in the sack 6 weeks after giving birth and it may take much, much longer than you ever imagined it taking - but even that doesn't mean all hope is lost. Luckily, my DH is such a greta, kind, understanding spouse, and he never pushed me or made me feel guilty about it at all.
Engaged 12/2013 Married 5/2015 BFP 11/27/2015 - EDD 8/4/2016 Baby Boy born 8/13/2016 ~ 8lbs 7oz BFP 1/6/2018 - EDD 9/19/2018
If you live in a house with multiple floors, I recommend a changing station on each floor, at least at the beginning. DS's nursery is on the 2nd floor so I set up our pack 'n play w/ changing station on the 1st floor so I didn't have to climb stairs to change his diaper.
This can be majorly helpful at the beginning when recovering from the birth, especially since doing stairs too often is not recommended and for some moms could increase bleeding.
I have a relatively small one story home and I still had two changing stations. One in buddy's room and one like 3 feet away from my recliner where I pretty much lived for the first few weeks pp.
If you live in a house with multiple floors, I recommend a changing station on each floor, at least at the beginning. DS's nursery is on the 2nd floor so I set up our pack 'n play w/ changing station on the 1st floor so I didn't have to climb stairs to change his diaper.
This can be majorly helpful at the beginning when recovering from the birth, especially since doing stairs too often is not recommended and for some moms could increase bleeding.
Yes! We bought a few of those inexpensive JJ Cole changing clutches to have a clean protected place to change DS in the living room and in my bedroom and kept diapers and wipes in both places. A diaper caddy was helpful to keep all the creams and stuff in one place as well. I got a generic caddy from 31 that worked well. We tried the PNP changing topper but it was really unsteady. I have a picture somewhere of newborn DS rolling to the side in it looking super pissed.
PP sex - I don't remember much about it, lube helped. We tend to use lube often anyways, it always helps even if it's not necessary. Maybe I'm just naturally kind of dry? The thing that I disliked the most was how sensitive my boobs were, and not in a good way. I BF for over 20 months, and I didn't want MH touching my boobs at all. Like a PP said, they were just so much for the baby at that point. And for the first part of that time (IDK how long), I totally leaked after orgasm. Very annoying.
did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal?
I didn't tear (thankfully!) I mainly squatted while pushing, and like @chicandbubbly said, I think the position you're in can help prevent tearing to a certain extent.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it?
It wasn't as bad as I expected. My opinionated but not super reliable MIL told me that my milk must not have come in yet if I wasn't in excruciating pain. (eyeroll) Engorgement isn't fun, and it's painful, but I think there's a lot of variation from person to person. I think I had worse engorgement if I went too long between nursing sessions than I did when my milk came in. Those cold/hot packs linked above are great, though. I want at least one more pack, maybe two, so I can keep two in the freezer and maybe even have one to warm up.
did you poop on the table?
I'm 99% sure I did. I haven't ever asked MH and he hasn't said but he has implied that it happened. I have no idea at what point it happened; it wasn't embarrassing at the time because I didn't know about it (if it happened... lol).
how was your first BM?
I don't really remember. Not fun but not horrible? I was taking pre-emptive Colace. The peri bottle is AWESOME for peeing, though, and for rinsing off the blood.
how can H best help in the first few days?
For us, it was him doing the "regular" stuff like preparing meals and doing laundry and letting me nap when possible. I did all the "baby" stuff, mainly because he doesn't tolerate crying babies very well, he was in school (had some time off from work but started classes a week after our baby was born) so being up in the MOTN made more sense for me to do, and I was EBF so I would have to be up anyways.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting?
I had very little control over my peeing for a while. One of my worst PP memories is waddling from the PNP to the bathroom with my newborn daughter's blanket between my legs because I had to pee and just absolutely couldn't hold it in and pee was just flowing out. I think I had just woken up from a nap or something and was checking on her before I went to the bathroom. I learned to go to the bathroom first, even if she was crying, because who knew how long it would take to calm her down. It didn't last forever, but my pelvic floor was WEAK. Horribly weak.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
Some things I've noticed haven't been mentioned much:
The weirdest thing PP is how dislocated your inners feel. Like your organs are just floating. If you can bring some kind of post partum tummy band to hold it all together, that sometimes helps.
Also bring robes. Not pajamas. Or bring button down nightgowns. The nurses are gonna be checking your body out so much after baby, it's a pain in the ass to keep undressing.
If you tear, follow all the cleaning regimens the doc tells you to do. It is annoying when all you wanna do is sleep when baby sleeps, but it helps you heal so much faster.
The thing I wasnt prepared for during birth was just how vulnerable I was going to feel. Getting poked and prodded constantly and my hooha open for the world to see made me lose all dignity and I wasnt prepared for it. In the long run it's not a big deal, and if you're someone who'd endured medical procedures in the past then maybe it's not a big deal and you're used to it, but I just really wasnt prepared for all the feelings. I tensed up and wanted to scream at everyone to get their hands off me.
Oh yeah! I completely forgot. The Belly Bandit SAVED my stomach. I wore it all day during the day and took it off to sleep at night. It helped suck everything in and actually made me feel supported and so much better during the mushy PP phase. I think I wore it for 6 weeks until I didn't need it anymore for comfort.
I'm excited to hear some good reviews of PP belly-band things - I didn't use one with my first but I totally want to get one this time. I can totally see how having more support in that area would make everything feel a lot better!
Engaged 12/2013 Married 5/2015 BFP 11/27/2015 - EDD 8/4/2016 Baby Boy born 8/13/2016 ~ 8lbs 7oz BFP 1/6/2018 - EDD 9/19/2018
I was given one by hospital after my section. I found it really uncomfortable and hot, and it pinched when I sat, got in the way when I was trying to pee (short torso problems) and generally shifted and bugged me. But, I was terrified of the "c section pouch" and having the muscle gap in the middle of my abs, so I wore it all day long until I left hospital, only during the day for the first four weeks, and then only when walking around for another two weeks. Not sure if it helped, but I didn't have that sloshy organ feeling that I've heard about either. Granted, I was almost entirely physically numb to pain and most things besides itching for quite a while, due to pain overload during delivery, so maybe I'm the weird one.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@SkilledSailor It wasn’t too bad...as long as I adjusted it so it wasn’t sitting too high and cutting into the underside of my breasts while sitting. I have a longer torso so that probably helped. I mean, it wasn’t the worlds most comfortable thing, but not at all unbearable and I much preferred being “held together” than feeling like my organs were floating in space.
Bellafit makes a really nice compression tank top (with nursing friendly straps) that I think I will order a couple more of (if on sale). It gives gentle compression and is seamless fabric. Their post partum girdle was a bit uncomfortable but I might try it again, I'm tall so it just didn't seem to fit right
I'm definitely going to look into a belly band for after birth. I guess one weird thing that happens that you may or may not expect is that you'll possibly be in between clothing sizes for quite a while. The pregnancy stuff fits but you hate the thought that you're still wearing it, but your old stuff just doesn't fit as well. Also, your rib cage may be bigger, your hips may have spread, and your feet can grow too. So I think it's somewhat common to just not feel like "you" in your own skin.
Did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal? Yes, I had a 2nd degree tear. I think one internal and one going out to the side. (Not bad for a forceps delivery!) No episiotomy. Don't remember how many stitches. Took several weeks to heal.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it?
I was very full the first week? Couple weeks? Don't really remember. I was only painfully engorged when I went too long without nursing or pumping and it wasn't that painful. Just kinda soreness and pressure. Let-down felt like a pinch deep inside my breast but was pretty mild. Eventually stopped feeling anything during let down. When you breastfeed the first couple days after delivery though, be prepared for the sensation of mild contractions to return. Yowch. Also, for me at least, the first week or two of breastfeeding is rough. It's also sweet and amazing and wonderful. But it's difficult to get the right position, correct latch, baby might be really fussy and you can't figure out why, cluster feeding, and it just hurts really, really bad for a little bit. It gets better!! If there are any local breastfeeding support groups or opportunities to see an ICBLC - do it. Definitely make sure the lactation consultant sees you before you leave the hospital and make sure you're SO pays attention because you'll be a little out of it.
did you poop on the table?
Yup. Many times. I pushed hard for hours. Every time a little came out the nurse just had a towel and immediately wiped it away. I'm guessing it was just a little at a time. And I really did not care. By that point your modesty is gone lol.
how was your first BM?
I was very scared of it because any kind of pressure from pooping, coughing, sneezing, etc. makes you feel like your uterus is going to burst through your stitches and fall out. But turns out that doesn't happen lol. They give you stool softeners but I actually felt like that caused me to have more diarrhea-like stools which burned more than any sort of pushing so I stopped taking them after a few days.
how can H best help in the first few days?
I was so thankful DH was able to stay home the first 2 weeks. He was just my servant basically lol. You want to get up as little as possible so it was lovely for him to just bring me things, help me up and down, take turns with diapers and soothing, help track all the feedings and diapers. I definitely recommend that partners attend any breastfeeding classes so they can support you and point out if your positioning is off. I also put DH in charge of regulating visitors. If I needed to breastfeed or I was looking worn out, he kicked people out or asked them to give us privacy and stuff. We even came up with a code phrase for him to kick people out. I think it was like "hey babe, do we have any almond milk?" Lol
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting?
The sweating and hair loss were things I hadn't heard discussed much. You can't hold your farts in for a while either. DH referred to this period as "post-partum post-fartum." The recovery isn't agony or anything, but it's no joke either. Pregnancy and delivery do a number on your body. I knew that there would be some changes down there . . .I wasn't prepared for how drastically everything changed in my case. I ended up with both rectocele and cystocele. Basically the walls of my vagina lost structure so now my rectum and bladder push into my vagina. It actually bulges out a little bit. This also means I will always have to splint (push on my perinium) in order to pass stool for the rest of my life. And I have extreme stress urinary incontinence so I have to wear a pad 24/7 because if I cough, I pee, even if I just went. Several months pp I also started having pain in my lower abdomen that got worse until I could barely walk. I finally got a referral for PT to work on my pelvic floor muscles. Some were very hypotonic and others hypertonic to make up for it. PT fixed it and I'm glad I kept looking for answers because originally my PCP just kinda said "yeah, something's not right but it doesn't seem to be your joint. Idk. Best of luck." And I just thought I had to live with it. My OB was the one who made the referral. I don't mean to scare people, but there are all sorts of things I had no idea could happen and it would've been nice to have a heads up.
@Car0liiine I'm so sorry about your tearing. I feel like there should be some post of surgery they can do to repair things. In fact, I actually saw a show where they did that for a woman, of course in the UK. I wonder why they haven't brought it up with you, especially considering your amount of symptoms.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
@pourmeamocktail My OB noticed the rectocele (and I'm assuming the cystocele although he didn't mention it because I hadn't figured it out maybe?) at my 6 week check up. He said it was mild as far as those sorts of things go and said that it would continue to improve and if it was bad 1 yr PP we could discuss treatment. Well, I'm knocked up again so. . . PT, pessaries and surgery are the treatment options I've heard of. My plan is to ask about surgery but I think they will advise I wait until I'm done having children. I will say, I had some stress urinary incontinence before ever becoming pregnant, I believe from chronic cough. It is rather depressing to be wetting my pants all day every day at 30 years old. I've made an appointment to return to PT because it's all gotten worse since my recent bout of bronchitis.
@car0liiine A good friend of mine had a rectocele. I’d never heard of it before then. She ended up getting the surgery. Recovery for her wasn’t too bad and she says now that everything is great. I’m sorry that that’s happened to you. I’m sure it’s very uncomfortable. Are there any ricks with being pregnant again?
@Redpuma119 Ricks? Honestly, I don't really have any discomfort, there's more of an issue with lack of sensation. TMI warning. Basically because there is slack there, when I have poo it doesn't cause pressure on my rectum so I frequently don't know I need to go until I go pee and can feel a bulge in my perineum. I then have to press to redirect it. So freaking sexy. Sigh. But mine is apparently very mild. Some people have serious constipation or fecal incontinence which is more likely to garner a doctor's recommendation for surgery.
@Redpuma119 Duh, I should've been able to figure that one out. I was like, is that shorthand for restrictions?? Overthinking. To answer your question though, no. No effect.
did you tear? Stitches? How ma. ny? How long to heal? Yes....a lot...internal and external. I don't know how many stitches. I do know they ran out of stitches in the room and had to get more. I had to follow up with my doc the very next week because i had so many stitches. The delivery of my dd was very fast that resulted from me pushing for 2.5 hours and then we lost her heartbeat so I was basically jumped on by 3 nurses to push her out quickly.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it? None of mine was bad at first. I did end up having to stop breastfeeding period when she was about 6 weeks due to major issues and complications. Stopping everything at that point made my life so much easier.
did you poop on the table? Probably. I don't know but I would imagine so. Most people do...but it is common and not a big deal at all.
how was your first BM? It was more dramatic leading up to it because I was freaking out. But, the actual BM was piece of cake...no pain...no issues...it was fine.
how can H best help in the first few days? My dh did literally all clothing and diaper changes while we were in the hospital and at night for the first 2 weeks he would get up and change her or give her to me if needed. He was basically on his own with all house duties the first week or 2.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting? The only the for me was the walking farts lol I was so embarrassed by that.
I saw the sex question earlier in this thread and oddly enough with all of my tearing during birth....I was totally in the mood by week 4 pp (weird i know....i don't even want to think about sex right now lol). So, we actually didnhave intercourse 4 weeks pp and of used protection and that was it...no other lube or anything. I will say I was a lot younger then....I was 25...so..that may have some play in that.
did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal? First was c-section and a feeling totally better by 6 weeks. 2nd was a tear of everything but my bum so LOTS of stitches and 2L blood loss. About a 6 week recovery. I recovered fine. Diaper rash cream (for me) and the water squirt bottle were my friend. 3rd re-tore some of the scar from my first. Much shorter of a recovery.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it? Life and nurse the baby if it starts to hurt BUT I don't tend to be an over producer.
did you poop on the table? Yep, for sure, with the second. Not a big deal while trying to push a baby out. Probably with the third.
how was your first BM? Fine, but stressful as they like to make sure everything is working and you don't necessarily have to go and you want to but you want to make sure that you really have to go but fine.
how can H best help in the first few days? Understanding of the up and down emotions and take the baby and help if Mom is not able to. My mom put it best that when you start to care about the state of the house, it's time for you to start doing something about it.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting? Just the up and down (mostly down but not PPD) emotions. They definitely exist. Also, that despite the tears, I seem to be "normal" down there.... so interesting to me.
Daughter #1 - Feb 2012 Daughter #2 - Oct 2014 Daughter #3 - Nov 2016 Baby #4 - Sept 2018
-Waxing/shaving.. did you ladies keep up during pregnancy? If not, did you shave before going in? PP how long did you wait before waxing/shaving again? -I've read about women freezing pads with witch hazel? Did you do this? Speaking of pads, how bad is the lochia? What kind of pads worked best for you? -Hemorrhoids. When did you get them? Do they go away? Relief?
@Redpuma119 Thank you for asking questions! I’m reading all of this! I’m learning so much! It’s hard for me to think of questions because there is literally so much I don’t know!
I want to know about hemorrhoids, too. Does everyone get them?
Me: 34 | DH: 33 Married Aug. 2013 TTC #1 Sep. 2016 ***TW***
BFP Jan. 15, 2017; MMC Mar. 4, 2017 at 10w6d BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF. BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Waxing/shaving: I definitely didn’t keep up, I think I might have attempted to shave before going to the hospital, but just my legs. Honestly I probably didn’t even think about shaving for at least the first month postpartum, showers were few and far between, and usually too fast!
Pads: I tried the pads frozen with witch hazel but didn’t like them; I’d recommend just making a few in case they don’t feel great. I used the biggest pads I could find (overnight, feels like a diaper, not discreet at all) with a combo of tucks pads and dermoplast spray (the kind with the blue lid). That stuff was heaven.
I didn't get hemmoroids so I can’t help with experience there.
Supplies to buy: super duper pads, tucks witch hazel pads, dermoplast, Motrin, collace, iron supplement, an awesome water bottle. And all the snacks.
Re: PP Preparedness
2. I didn’t get engorged with either kid. My milk gradually came in. Let down feels like boob tingles. My SIL said it felt like a small cramp. I’d agree.
3. Nope. No poop during delivery for me.
4. My first PP BM was fine. Not painful or anything.
5. My H got up at every night wake up and changed baby’s diaper while I got ready to nurse. Then when he passed baby to me, he’d go into the bathroom and fill my squirt bottle so it was ready for me when I went to the bathroom after nursing. H was also in charge of meals after baby #1. After baby #2, I had no problem taking care of dinner.
6. Nothing weird happened from what I remember. Definitely listen to the weight lifting restrictions. I overdid it after DS and saw that I bled a lot more when I overdid it. I listened after DD and never had the random heavier flow days.
Yes- 2nd degree tear but no idea how many stitches. I popped one while getting out of bed in the middle of the night that first week home which was excruciating. I feel like it took about a month for me to feel sorta normal down there again.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it? It took 5 days for my milk to come in so we had to supplement in the meantime because my giant kid was starving. I was pumping every 2 hours for 30min and getting drops. It was insanely difficult and awful and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. My son had trouble latching due to the larg size of my breasts so we worked with a lactation consultant for the first few months to get it right.
I don’t necessarily “feel” my letdown but it made me want to throw up every time. For 9 months every time we did a feeding I wanted to hurl. It was awful. Ice water helped make that sensation go away. I have what is called DMER and basically breastfeeding made me feel depressed and shitty every time we did it. I have zero good memories of breastfeeding and was so relived to stop. I felt like an entirely different person within a few days of stopping- like I had been in a fog for 9months. This next time around my goal is to make it 6months and not put so much pressure on myself because my mental health is important too.
did you poop on the table? My H says yes but that it was cleaned up immediately. I didnt notice.
how was your first BM? Fine. It was within a couple hours of birth and just sort of slid out without me trying. I took all the colace they gave me when I was home though- it helps!
how can H best help in the first few days? Remain even keeled. My hormones were nuts and emotions were so high. We struggled big time those first few days and my H lost his cool a few times which made everything worse. He had no idea what to do with me sitting in bed holding my baby and sobbing for no reason in the middle of the night and got frustrated and upset which was 100% not what I needed at that point. We’ve had lots of talks about it since then and he’s apologized for his behavior in those first few months.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting? I really had no idea what to expect so it was all a bit startling. I feel like I was really prepared for the worst case scenario so when it wasn’t so bad I was ok. The floppy PP tummy was not cool though. Trying to shove that into jeans was awful.
It did hurt at first, but each time got better. Honestly the first few times were basically 100% for MH's enjoyment, but between lube and taking it slow, we were able to ease back in without too much pain on my part.
I never noticed any difference in sensitivity.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
Engorgement hurt, but I didn't find it terrible. It made getting DS to latch more difficult. You can hand express some milk if it gets to be too much or LO can't latch, but don't pump because it can make it worse. I had porn star boobs for a few days once we got home, but they figured things out after a few days and after that I only got engorged if I was really full. It can be painful though - like a strong aching feeling.
I did not poop on the table. I thought I did but MH watched the whole delivery and confirms I did not. I didn't feel like eating once I went into labor so I had no solid food after lunch time Monday and DS was born just before 9am Tuesday. I imagine that helped. I was more worried about pooping on the table in front of MH than anything. Really hoping I get away without doing it again.
My first BM was fine. It actually happened in the hospital before we were discharged and basically happened with no pushing. At the recommendation of an IRL friend who had a baby a few months before me, I started taking colace the week leading up to delivery. I imagine this helped a lot!
He helped best by getting me whatever I needed. Got me food, drinks, more pillows, etc. Changed diapers so I didn't have to get up to do it myself all the time. We got home from the hospital on Thursday afternoon and he went back to work Monday. I had one day were DS was really unsettled and wouldn't stop crying all afternoon. MH came home with a bottle of wine, took DS and told me to go outside for a short walk. When I came back in there was a glass of wine waiting for me.
My rib cage expanded during pregnancy and at 18.5 months post-partum it still hasn't gone back to where it used to be. And since I'm pregnant again it won't be happening any time soon. So clothing that SHOULD have fit a few months post-partum never fit again because my rib cage was wider. Any event needing a dress has required I go shopping because nothing I own will zip.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
I did shower before I left so my own mini-toiletries were awesome to have. Also cheap flip flops for the shower that I didn't even take home.
I brought music and cards, but since I labored overnight we slept when we could. Even if I wasn't trying to sleep I don't think either of those would have helped me. The Monday Night Football game on TV was a much better distraction.
Snacks for MH were good, but I brought a ton a quarters for vending machines and didn't use any of them.
I'm blanking on what else was in my bag, but I'll try to think more.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
This can be majorly helpful at the beginning when recovering from the birth, especially since doing stairs too often is not recommended and for some moms could increase bleeding.
MMC 8/5/15 at 8 weeks
DS born 9/13/16
BFP 1/13/18 - EDD 9/20/18 - It's a boy!
Another thing that can help with tearing is positions during the pushing! I was mostly in hands and knees and side lying and I think that helped, don't take this as medical advice though lol
did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal?
-I tore a little naturally and then got an episiotomy. I don't know how many stitches and I didn't ask! I actually felt totally comfortable within a week, so I think my recovery went well, considering, but sex was a different story - I'll answer that Q below this set.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it?
-I didn't have like insane engorgement - I wasn't ever in pain from it or anything like that. For me, it was a huge relief to have my milk come in because we had lots of trouble breastfeeding until that happened. The colostrum just wasn't enough to keep my son interested & latched. Once my milk came it he was like "ooooooh, this is good!" and everything started to click. I had a weird tingly/burning sensation when letdown happened for the first few weeks, but it wasn't uncomfortable, just weird!
did you poop on the table?
YUP! I felt a little...nugget...come out. I didn't care at all and the nurse just wiped it right away. Really no big deal at all and not something to stress over whatsoever.
how was your first BM?
-OMG, I was TERRIFIED. It didn't happen until I think 5 days after both, and I kept going into the bathroom feeling like I was going to war. TBH, it wasn't nearly as bad as I was prepared for it to be. I don't even think it was actually painful, it's just like...scary, because so much has happened down there and you're just afraid of upsetting anything. I have some real tips that helped me make it through the first few times, but I'll share those when we get closer!
how can H best help in the first few days?
-Make sure he knows just as much about breastfeeding as you do. If you see any LC's in the hospital, have the LC show him exactly what a good latch should look like, how to help you get baby positioned, etc. You totally need 4 adult hands & arms to help you get situation for a little while. My H was suuuuuper helpful when it came to breastfeeding and he really encouraged and supported me sticking with it.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting?
-So obviously all I have is one experience, and idk how normal this is, but I remember feeling scared at how bad I felt in the first couple of days after birth. Like, I felt as if I had been hit by a bus. I definitely pulled muscles in my shoulders from pushing, and everything "down there" felt so tender that I felt like I had to be so careful even standing up and sitting down. I walked like a 100-year old man for a little while. But - within 5 days I was taking walks around the block with my baby, so I did recover very quickly, it was just a rough first few days for me.
Ok, sex. We didn't even try until about 15 weeks PP, and it hurt, a lot. We tried maybe 1x a month for a long time after that. I cried about it a lot because I felt like it would never be the same again. I grit my teeth to get through it many many times because I SO wanted to have that part of our relationship back, but DH didn't want to hurt me at all, so he really stopped trying to initiate anything. The sex issues were one of the reasons I decided to wean DS after a year. Seriously - it was like night and day after I weaned. FINALLY I actually wanted to have sex again and think felt (mostly) the same again. It still took a few months after that to get all my parts used to everything again, but now we are back to normal. I don't think my experience is the norm, but I also think it is good to know that you might not want to jump right back in the sack 6 weeks after giving birth and it may take much, much longer than you ever imagined it taking - but even that doesn't mean all hope is lost. Luckily, my DH is such a greta, kind, understanding spouse, and he never pushed me or made me feel guilty about it at all.
Married 5/2015
BFP 11/27/2015 - EDD 8/4/2016
BFP 1/6/2018 - EDD 9/19/2018
did you tear? Stitches? How many? How long to heal?
I didn't tear (thankfully!) I mainly squatted while pushing, and like @chicandbubbly said, I think the position you're in can help prevent tearing to a certain extent.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it?
It wasn't as bad as I expected. My opinionated but not super reliable MIL told me that my milk must not have come in yet if I wasn't in excruciating pain. (eyeroll) Engorgement isn't fun, and it's painful, but I think there's a lot of variation from person to person. I think I had worse engorgement if I went too long between nursing sessions than I did when my milk came in. Those cold/hot packs linked above are great, though. I want at least one more pack, maybe two, so I can keep two in the freezer and maybe even have one to warm up.
did you poop on the table?
I'm 99% sure I did. I haven't ever asked MH and he hasn't said but he has implied that it happened. I have no idea at what point it happened; it wasn't embarrassing at the time because I didn't know about it (if it happened... lol).
how was your first BM?
I don't really remember. Not fun but not horrible? I was taking pre-emptive Colace. The peri bottle is AWESOME for peeing, though, and for rinsing off the blood.
how can H best help in the first few days?
For us, it was him doing the "regular" stuff like preparing meals and doing laundry and letting me nap when possible. I did all the "baby" stuff, mainly because he doesn't tolerate crying babies very well, he was in school (had some time off from work but started classes a week after our baby was born) so being up in the MOTN made more sense for me to do, and I was EBF so I would have to be up anyways.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting?
I had very little control over my peeing for a while. One of my worst PP memories is waddling from the PNP to the bathroom with my newborn daughter's blanket between my legs because I had to pee and just absolutely couldn't hold it in and pee was just flowing out. I think I had just woken up from a nap or something and was checking on her before I went to the bathroom. I learned to go to the bathroom first, even if she was crying, because who knew how long it would take to calm her down. It didn't last forever, but my pelvic floor was WEAK. Horribly weak.
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
The weirdest thing PP is how dislocated your inners feel. Like your organs are just floating. If you can bring some kind of post partum tummy band to hold it all together, that sometimes helps.
Also bring robes. Not pajamas. Or bring button down nightgowns. The nurses are gonna be checking your body out so much after baby, it's a pain in the ass to keep undressing.
If you tear, follow all the cleaning regimens the doc tells you to do. It is annoying when all you wanna do is sleep when baby sleeps, but it helps you heal so much faster.
The thing I wasnt prepared for during birth was just how vulnerable I was going to feel. Getting poked and prodded constantly and my hooha open for the world to see made me lose all dignity and I wasnt prepared for it. In the long run it's not a big deal, and if you're someone who'd endured medical procedures in the past then maybe it's not a big deal and you're used to it, but I just really wasnt prepared for all the feelings. I tensed up and wanted to scream at everyone to get their hands off me.
Married 5/2015
BFP 11/27/2015 - EDD 8/4/2016
BFP 1/6/2018 - EDD 9/19/2018
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Also, for me at least, the first week or two of breastfeeding is rough. It's also sweet and amazing and wonderful. But it's difficult to get the right position, correct latch, baby might be really fussy and you can't figure out why, cluster feeding, and it just hurts really, really bad for a little bit. It gets better!! If there are any local breastfeeding support groups or opportunities to see an ICBLC - do it. Definitely make sure the lactation consultant sees you before you leave the hospital and make sure you're SO pays attention because you'll be a little out of it.
You can't hold your farts in for a while either. DH referred to this period as "post-partum post-fartum."
The recovery isn't agony or anything, but it's no joke either. Pregnancy and delivery do a number on your body.
I knew that there would be some changes down there . . .I wasn't prepared for how drastically everything changed in my case. I ended up with both rectocele and cystocele. Basically the walls of my vagina lost structure so now my rectum and bladder push into my vagina. It actually bulges out a little bit. This also means I will always have to splint (push on my perinium) in order to pass stool for the rest of my life. And I have extreme stress urinary incontinence so I have to wear a pad 24/7 because if I cough, I pee, even if I just went.
Several months pp I also started having pain in my lower abdomen that got worse until I could barely walk. I finally got a referral for PT to work on my pelvic floor muscles. Some were very hypotonic and others hypertonic to make up for it. PT fixed it and I'm glad I kept looking for answers because originally my PCP just kinda said "yeah, something's not right but it doesn't seem to be your joint. Idk. Best of luck." And I just thought I had to live with it. My OB was the one who made the referral.
I don't mean to scare people, but there are all sorts of things I had no idea could happen and it would've been nice to have a heads up.
ETA: typos and added a little about breastfeeding
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
PT, pessaries and surgery are the treatment options I've heard of. My plan is to ask about surgery but I think they will advise I wait until I'm done having children. I will say, I had some stress urinary incontinence before ever becoming pregnant, I believe from chronic cough. It is rather depressing to be wetting my pants all day every day at 30 years old. I've made an appointment to return to PT because it's all gotten worse since my recent bout of bronchitis.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it? None of mine was bad at first. I did end up having to stop breastfeeding period when she was about 6 weeks due to major issues and complications. Stopping everything at that point made my life so much easier.
did you poop on the table? Probably. I don't know but I would imagine so. Most people do...but it is common and not a big deal at all.
how was your first BM? It was more dramatic leading up to it because I was freaking out. But, the actual BM was piece of cake...no pain...no issues...it was fine.
how can H best help in the first few days? My dh did literally all clothing and diaper changes while we were in the hospital and at night for the first 2 weeks he would get up and change her or give her to me if needed. He was basically on his own with all house duties the first week or 2.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting? The only the for me was the walking farts lol I was so embarrassed by that.
I saw the sex question earlier in this thread and oddly enough with all of my tearing during birth....I was totally in the mood by week 4 pp (weird i know....i don't even want to think about sex right now lol). So, we actually didnhave intercourse 4 weeks pp and of used protection and that was it...no other lube or anything. I will say I was a lot younger then....I was 25...so..that may have some play in that.
how was engorgement/let down the first time? Tips for dealing with it? Life and nurse the baby if it starts to hurt BUT I don't tend to be an over producer.
did you poop on the table? Yep, for sure, with the second. Not a big deal while trying to push a baby out. Probably with the third.
how was your first BM? Fine, but stressful as they like to make sure everything is working and you don't necessarily have to go and you want to but you want to make sure that you really have to go but fine.
how can H best help in the first few days? Understanding of the up and down emotions and take the baby and help if Mom is not able to. My mom put it best that when you start to care about the state of the house, it's time for you to start doing something about it.
anything weird happen with your body that you weren’t expecting? Just the up and down (mostly down but not PPD) emotions. They definitely exist. Also, that despite the tears, I seem to be "normal" down there.... so interesting to me.
Daughter #2 - Oct 2014
Daughter #3 - Nov 2016
Baby #4 - Sept 2018
-Waxing/shaving.. did you ladies keep up during pregnancy? If not, did you shave before going in? PP how long did you wait before waxing/shaving again?
-I've read about women freezing pads with witch hazel? Did you do this? Speaking of pads, how bad is the lochia? What kind of pads worked best for you?
-Hemorrhoids. When did you get them? Do they go away? Relief?
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
Pads: I tried the pads frozen with witch hazel but didn’t like them; I’d recommend just making a few in case they don’t feel great. I used the biggest pads I could find (overnight, feels like a diaper, not discreet at all) with a combo of tucks pads and dermoplast spray (the kind with the blue lid). That stuff was heaven.
I didn't get hemmoroids so I can’t help with experience there.
Supplies to buy: super duper pads, tucks witch hazel pads, dermoplast, Motrin, collace, iron supplement, an awesome water bottle. And all the snacks.