Lurking lurker from ttgp - we created a sitewide U/O and on the chit chat board. We miss our old friends and looking to make new ones. Today we kicked it off with a U/O thread. Hope you'll join us. All are welcome.
Reading this all I have a feeling my UO is that I do not care if the event is kid-free or not. If LOs are important to the host or bridge/groom, then I'd totally expect there to be kids there. If not, then cool. I suspect I'll have an opinion once I have kids, but we'll see.
I’m with you, the more I think of it. If kids are allowed, and I feel like mine will be ok/I’m prepared to leave early if not, then I’ll bring my kid. If I want to get a sitter, I will. If other people bring their kids, they’re not my problem. I can still enjoy myself if other people’s kids are there.
@norahkate I couldnt decide on any name for the baby. I couldnt think of one name the whole time he was in my belly. My boyfriend had a few names. And I panicked and just picked the name the boyfriend liked. Its not always because we have to see them, it could be because you cant even pick a name lol
I probably won’t be winning any popularity awards today but I’m in a grumpy mood so don’t care!
I feel like weddings are about family and excluding certain family members from attending alienates everyone in that family group. We had a kid room at our wedding and hired babysitters and had tons of activities for them so parents got a break but didn’t have to scramble to try and find their own child care and potentially not be able to come because they didn’t want to leave their kids.
My other UO (and I know this is a hot topic for a lot of people but I’m saying it anyways) is that unless it is medically deemed necessary or part of a religious practice, circumcision is an awful choice. I didn’t have an opinion one way or another until I had my son and did a ton of research and watched a lot of videos of the procedure, but after doing so I strongly feel if people choose it for cosmetic reasons it is a form of cruelty because you are putting your child through genital mutilation and the stress of the procedure and recovery for no reason other than because it looks ‘nicer’ - let’s be real, even when circumcised penises are ugly! I highly recommend anyone thinking about it do some research and watch the procedure being done before making the choice - at least make an informed choice!
I don’t care what other people do. If it’s kid free and I can’t find a sitter, I just don’t go.
My wedding was kid free. I could not exceed 100 people at my reception hall. The people I invited almost all had kids. My number of guests would’ve tripled and I would’ve had to go somewhere else. Somewhere more expensive.
Im not offended if you can’t come and I’m not offended if my kids aren’t invited. I need nights without them sometimes anyway.
My wedding was kid-free and we loved it. We didn't have a lot of family/friends with kids to begin with but my cousins' kids are not well behaved. We knew how little they are supervised, we know how they love to scream and run and no one stops them, and I also knew we would have an open bar reception with some family and friends taking full advantage haha. To us, our wedding was an adults event. I have no regrets
Me: 33 DH: 31 Location: Castle Rock, CO DD: 10.13.18 baby #2 due: 7.14.20
My other UO (and I know this is a hot topic for a lot of people but I’m saying it anyways) is that unless it is medically deemed necessary or part of a religious practice, circumcision is an awful choice.
Yep- we recognize this is a terrible thing to do to little girls (yes, this is a thing in some cultures), but it is a societally acceptable thing to do to little boys? I just don’t get it.
@knottieamusements Exactly! When I was pregnant with DS I went into it assuming we would get him circumcised because DH was and we wanted them to ‘match’ (and I do agree it looks ‘neater’). And then I read up on it and was horrified by what I found. All it took to convince DH was making him sit through a video of the procedure - he made it about 30 seconds in before agreeing there was no way we’d be putting our newborn through that!
@tinattt23 Yes! I thought DS was so cute...eh he was just like all the others.
@mamabearcj Personally it annoys me when people say no kids. Like it makes me wanna say, you don’t have kids so fuck you telling mehow I will or will not have a good time. However, we try to get a babysitter anyways. I just don’t like being told what to do. I agree with @elothair I see wedding as family events so when my family says my kids not welcome I think that’s not cool. We had a kids section and our wedding and everyone loved it!
I left the circumcision think up to my H with DS. He chose to do it for faith based reasons, but I agree, it’s stupid to do it for cosmetic reasons.
H said if we had a boy he would not want to get him circumcised because 'sex will feel better for him.' I don't know if this is true, and I can't believe he'd already be looking out for his future kid's sex life...but, welp, I guess he's got an opinion on this one.
I’d like to chime in on the kids at weddings thing....I think your wedding is yours and you should do whatever you feel like and not be pressured by family or friend opinions. With that, the guests can decide if they want to attend.
My wedding was kid free. I felt like I HAD to have a flower girl / ring bearer which were my MH's neice/nephew. Since they were in my wedding I made arrangements for a sitter at the venue (hotel) for them plus my own nephew. I had told their mom I would pay for it. Husband's neice and nephew did not show up with the sitter so I asked around only to find out they had all left during the cocktail hour while I was taking pictures and not told us. I will never forget this
My UO is I think allowing my 3 year old the option to watch the iPad while we are out at dinner is completely acceptable. He can learn table etiquette at our home and out in public when he is older. I want peace and quiet when we eat dinner and it lets me interact with my DH without completely losing my mind.
Kid free events are not my style, and I absolutely get judgy when I get those invites. If you don’t want my kids around, I take offense. They’re adorable, sweet, and well behaved. They always make events more fun.
For a wedding, I’ll bend this rule. I’ll be there and I’ll leave my kids at home if you ask me to. But know I’m rolling my eyes at you. Honestly, it’s just not my kind of party if it’s the kind of party where kids aren’t welcome. Family friendly and chill beats orderly and fancy every time.
Oh and if you have a no kids wedding but allow *some* kids at the reception, I’m going to be making lemon face at your party.
Allowing some kids but saying no kids is just rude. I think it should be one or the other. Obviously I lean more towards kid free but I would find it really insulting if you said no to my kid or "all" kids but let someone else bring there kid for whatever reason. Make a decision and stick to it.
I’m admittedly in the camp that was all for kid-free weddings/events before I had a kid, but now feel like they’re just rude/not ok. For my wedding, we didn’t invite the kids on the invites (and by kids, I mean like toddlers, we did include kids as young as like 7-8), but if anyone came to us with concerns about not having anyone to watch their kids, we of course allowed them to bring them. That only ended up being my one cousin’s son, as she was flying in from the west coast.
Fast forward to now - my cousin got married in January, and they didn’t include kids at all for the wedding. I live on the west coast and the wedding was back east (and was kind of a wedding “weekend”), and since my whole family was going to be at the wedding, we would have had no one to watch DS while we were at the wedding. I ended up going solo, while my husband and son stayed home and missed the whole thing. I get why they want to exclude kids, but it just got me a little annoyed because I was flying all this way to go to the wedding, and my husband, who would have loved to be there too, couldn’t come because of it.
Oh and if you have a no kids wedding but allow *some* kids at the reception, I’m going to be making lemon face at your party.
This reminds me of when my uncle married his second wife. They said no kids allowed. I was 12, and my brother was 7, and we were the most chill, well-behaved kids, especially at that age. Nope, couldn’t come. Turns out all HER family brought kids, most way younger than us.
@Lisa3379 yeah that’s so rude. My cousin (who lived with my family when I was in HS and is easily the cousin I’m closest with) got married and had a no kids wedding. He did allow his siblings to bring their kids, because they were traveling from MD to MA and one of his nieces is severely disabled, so not allowing her to come would mean his sister would miss his wedding. I made a face at this plan but I did understand. Siblings are siblings, our family is huge and Irish catholic and you have to draw the line somewhere.
One of his fiance’s friends brought her kids to the wedding and reception. She was local. I was livid.
I know with my wedding we said no one under 16. Then my godfather brought his 13 yr old. I couldn't be rude and kick them out... even if I wanted to.
And just to add some color. This was his step child that I had never met before. He had left my godmother high and dry and married another woman really quickly. It was very messy. Anywho it was extremely obnoxious.
This may be another UO, but while we’re on the topic of weddings, another thing that gets me irritated is the “plus one”. I get that it’s nice to give people the option to bring someone if they’re not married, but personally, I don’t want some random person brought to my wedding just because you have the option to bring a guest. My mom basically forced me to give some of my cousins plus ones, and I swear, one of my cousins brought some guy that I had never met before, and I’d really rather not have paid for his plate. It may be just me, but if you’re not in a serious enough relationship that I’ve either met this person, or at least know their freaking name, then I don’t think they should be at my wedding.
@pumpkinpancake agreed. Unless you have a somewhat serious significant other, go to the wedding alone (chances are you’ll probably know someone there, just glom onto them) or don’t go at all.
@pumpkinpancake totally agree! We had to keep our wedding under 70 for budget purposes so no body got a plus one and all of our friends understood. The only one we had given was my SIL because DHs parents pretty much stated that was the only way they thought she'd come. He was super nice and fun but not a single person other than her knew him.. and on top of that 2 other people brought plus ones that we weren't prepared for and luckily 2 or 3 people canceled and we were able to accommodate them but i was super annoyed to say the least.
I have heard wedding with no kids allowing kids of those in the wedding party, immediate family, and/or people from out of state. We had kids at our wedding. Dh wanted them, I did not. I wasn't thrilled and even he got a little annoyed with them being there and lots were immediate family.
@pumpkinpancake and @kiwi2628 Totally agree with the plus one rule. Not paying for some random! I even went to the extent and told my maid of honor she couldn't have a plus one unless she was dating him for 6 months. Funnily enough she met her now husband 6 months + 2 days before my wedding!! Turned out I went to high school with him too so I knew him well, but they found each and I didn't figure that out until a month into their relationship.
Me 33 DH 41 TTC since 2016 Due: October 12, 2018 Location: Ontario, Canada
@pumpkinpancake I agree with you with one exception: if someone won’t know anyone else at the wedding and you really want them to attend I think it’s a nice gesture to give them a plus one. They won’t really get to hang with you since you’re surrounded by all your friends and family so it makes it more fun for them. If you don’t really care if they come or not then no need for a plus one.
If someone was in a serious relationship, their SO was on the invite. I only allowed plus ones because my single friends were in the single digits and my wedding was small enough to accommodate a few randoms.
Honestly, nothing about someone else’s wedding bothers me. No kids? Cool. No plus one? Cool. No open bar? Cool. It’s your day, it’s your money, I’m just here to celebrate with you because I love you.
@Gizmo1231 I am not with you on the tablet shit. Actually, I am really against kids with tablets except for special occasions. My 2.5 year looks out the window when we drive and GUESS WHAT he fucking recognizes places we’ve been once 6 months ago! Today I saw a guy push a kid in a stroller car while the kid, who was like 3 was playing on a phone. YOUR KID IS OUTSIDE, let them experience the world around them! The worst I saw was at Lowes this couple had two kids where were like ten playing on tablets while they walked around the store! I definitely judged hardcore. Tablets are fine for long car rides , airplane rides or when you have to take your kid to your tax appointment, but for every day. Sorry no.
Oh and if you have a no kids wedding but allow *some* kids at the reception, I’m going to be making lemon face at your party.
I got invited to a bridal show last year for H’s cousin. I was told, “only nursing babies”. I was never planning to bring DS, but since I was still nursing him at 18 months I was tempted to bring him and whip it out to be a bitch.
We allowed plus ones for all of our guests who were unattached. We wanted people to enjoy themselves and realized that that might be a challenge when we were asking people who may not have any connection whatsoever with one another to all come together for the sake of celebrating our relationship...It just felt weird to not allow them to bring a guest of their own. Though I completely understand it from a budgetary perspective.
I'm with you @krzyriver. I do not understand getting upset or taking offense at the decisions made by other people about their weddings (or whatever). It's your show, you do what you want. If I'm not up for it, I just won't go but I'm not going to be mad or offended about it. It's not about me at the end of the day; you do you.
Our wedding was a little different because my 6yo step-son was involved in our ceremony, so he of course was there and I wanted him to have people to play with. My siblings are also 8 and 10, and were in the wedding. I think my sister would have been so upset if she wasn't invited. I also have first cousins who are under 10 that we are very close with (my aunt and I are like sisters, so it would have been weird to not have her kids). I allowed my siblings and first cousins, and then anyone under the age of 1. I have a few friends with very little babies. I didn't have to pay for anyone under 5 (which included my SS at the time). In the end, the kids kept each other company and were the ones who made the most use of the dance floor and photobooth!
We also had a Sunday afternoon wedding that was from 3:30 - 8pm with only beer and wine, so it was very low-key. I felt bad turning away some of my friends older kids, but they understood when I explained.
I try and limit SS's use of tablet and TV. Although, in the winter it's a bit harder because there's less for him to do. I've already told him once spring comes we are going to be outside more. I also know he only gets his tablet at our house, so I know it's not an all the time thing. And sometimes, it just keeps me sane.
@momoflogan20 that makes sense...I know a couple who just made the one year deadline for naming their second! they just could not find a name that they agreed fit.
I know with my wedding we said no one under 16. Then my godfather brought his 13 yr old. I couldn't be rude and kick them out... even if I wanted to.
And just to add some color. This was his step child that I had never met before. He had left my godmother high and dry and married another woman really quickly. It was very messy. Anywho it was extremely obnoxious.
Yeah that’s not cool. Bringing people to an event who were not invited is never ok, especially if it’s something like a wedding where... you know, there’s usually a seating plan.
My UO is that "push presents" are silly. We told one of our couple friend last week and she was instantly on my husband to make sure he got me one. I immediately shut her down, my husband has pretty much been waiting on me 24/7 when he's not at work, hasn't had sex in 2 months, and I know he'll pick up the slack where needed through this pregnancy.
I dunno, I just really don't get it, yeah, I'm working hard, but so is he. And we have more important things to spend our money on.
@beccajean71 Yes! I don’t get it. Like yeah, growing and birthing a baby isn’t a walk in the park, but does it really earn you a present? And not like most husbands have it easy the whole time either. And especially something expensive at a time in your typically already spending a lot of money and/or expecting reduced income from leave. Also, if it’s a “push present” does that mean c-section mom’s are ineligible? Cause that’s not cool.
I know with my wedding we said no one under 16. Then my godfather brought his 13 yr old. I couldn't be rude and kick them out... even if I wanted to.
And just to add some color. This was his step child that I had never met before. He had left my godmother high and dry and married another woman really quickly. It was very messy. Anywho it was extremely obnoxious.
Yeah that’s not cool. Bringing people to an event who were not invited is never ok, especially if it’s something like a wedding where... you know, there’s usually a seating plan.
A friend of mine decided that since someone else that was invited to my wedding had to cancel last minute, he'd just invite a friend of his that I somewhat knew in that person's place. I was so mad he put me on the spot like that - I felt like a jerk because I hadn't invited this person (irrational I know since I barely knew them) and then that person felt like they had to apologize to me for crashing the wedding. I ripped my friend a new one the next time I had a chance.
Re: UO Thurs 3/22
https://forums.thebump.com/categories/chit-chat
I feel like weddings are about family and excluding certain family members from attending alienates everyone in that family group. We had a kid room at our wedding and hired babysitters and had tons of activities for them so parents got a break but didn’t have to scramble to try and find their own child care and potentially not be able to come because they didn’t want to leave their kids.
My other UO (and I know this is a hot topic for a lot of people but I’m saying it anyways) is that unless it is medically deemed necessary or part of a religious practice, circumcision is an awful choice. I didn’t have an opinion one way or another until I had my son and did a ton of research and watched a lot of videos of the procedure, but after doing so I strongly feel if people choose it for cosmetic reasons it is a form of cruelty because you are putting your child through genital mutilation and the stress of the procedure and recovery for no reason other than because it looks ‘nicer’ - let’s be real, even when circumcised penises are ugly! I highly recommend anyone thinking about it do some research and watch the procedure being done before making the choice - at least make an informed choice!
ETA words
My wedding was kid free. I could not exceed 100 people at my reception hall. The people I invited almost all had kids. My number of guests would’ve tripled and I would’ve had to go somewhere else. Somewhere more expensive.
Im not offended if you can’t come and I’m not offended if my kids aren’t invited. I need nights without them sometimes anyway.
My wedding was kid-free and we loved it. We didn't have a lot of family/friends with kids to begin with but my cousins' kids are not well behaved. We knew how little they are supervised, we know how they love to scream and run and no one stops them, and I also knew we would have an open bar reception with some family and friends taking full advantage haha. To us, our wedding was an adults event. I have no regrets
Me: 33 DH: 31
Location: Castle Rock, CO
DD: 10.13.18
baby #2 due: 7.14.20
@mamabearcj Personally it annoys me when people say no kids. Like it makes me wanna say, you don’t have kids so fuck you telling mehow I will or will not have a good time. However, we try to get a babysitter anyways. I just don’t like being told what to do. I agree with @elothair I see wedding as family events so when my family says my kids not welcome I think that’s not cool. We had a kids section and our wedding and everyone loved it!
I left the circumcision think up to my H with DS. He chose to do it for faith based reasons, but I agree, it’s stupid to do it for cosmetic reasons.
For a wedding, I’ll bend this rule. I’ll be there and I’ll leave my kids at home if you ask me to. But know I’m rolling my eyes at you. Honestly, it’s just not my kind of party if it’s the kind of party where kids aren’t welcome. Family friendly and chill beats orderly and fancy every time.
Oh and if you have a no kids wedding but allow *some* kids at the reception, I’m going to be making lemon face at your party.
Fast forward to now - my cousin got married in January, and they didn’t include kids at all for the wedding. I live on the west coast and the wedding was back east (and was kind of a wedding “weekend”), and since my whole family was going to be at the wedding, we would have had no one to watch DS while we were at the wedding. I ended up going solo, while my husband and son stayed home and missed the whole thing. I get why they want to exclude kids, but it just got me a little annoyed because I was flying all this way to go to the wedding, and my husband, who would have loved to be there too, couldn’t come because of it.
Cool.
One of his fiance’s friends brought her kids to the wedding and reception. She was local. I was livid.
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
Honestly, nothing about someone else’s wedding bothers me. No kids? Cool. No plus one? Cool. No open bar? Cool. It’s your day, it’s your money, I’m just here to celebrate with you because I love you.
I'm with you @krzyriver. I do not understand getting upset or taking offense at the decisions made by other people about their weddings (or whatever). It's your show, you do what you want. If I'm not up for it, I just won't go but I'm not going to be mad or offended about it. It's not about me at the end of the day; you do you.
We also had a Sunday afternoon wedding that was from 3:30 - 8pm with only beer and wine, so it was very low-key. I felt bad turning away some of my friends older kids, but they understood when I explained.
I try and limit SS's use of tablet and TV. Although, in the winter it's a bit harder because there's less for him to do. I've already told him once spring comes we are going to be outside more. I also know he only gets his tablet at our house, so I know it's not an all the time thing. And sometimes, it just keeps me sane.
I dunno, I just really don't get it, yeah, I'm working hard, but so is he. And we have more important things to spend our money on.