UO/FFFC (3/9)

izza2

UO wasn't started yesterday - figured we could do both in one thread!

What's your unpopular opinion?

What do you need to confess to us?

rnielsen321

I must confess I am not on the June Spreadsheet. 

ffw0617

I confess I’m taking a “sick” day. I still have one unused sick day, and 4 unused vacation days. I i wish my job paid you for your unused days. But they don’t so. Those 5 days will go to waste.

ramennoodlegif

@ffw0617 Boo! I'm sorry you don't get paid for those. Hope you at least get to enjoy your sick day.

I dropped the kids off at daycare 1.5 hours before my MFM appointment so that I could sit in Panera and read. Got 70 pages in before I had to leave. I took the rest of the day off to clean, but I am super unmotivated. I'm thinking a bubble bath, face mask, and nap are in order. 

marcus7676

I confess I have done about 15 minutes of work today.  I have no idea how I'm going to bill my time . . .

krash_

Getting saucy and stirring things up...

UO/FFFC: I will have sex with MH even if I'm not in the mood or really enjoying it just because I want to be a "good wife." Did it last night but luckily I don't really have to fake an orgasm because he knows that getting to O is always hard for me. 

kmurdock925

kfren - that day sounds wonderful!

elsie42

Confession- every time I see the "GD check in" thread or see people post about their "GD test" I always read it is "goddamn" first

doxiemoxie212

@krashke did you listen to the episode of Babes & Babies where they have the husbands on to talk about pregnancy sex, etc? I made DH listen to it, and he got so mad. (For those who don't listen to this podcast, they were talking about how their sex drive was nonexistent during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and they feel like bad wives for not having sex with their husbands more, and sometimes do it out of obligation. The husbands were slightly more like meh, whatever it's fine, I get it.) DH was like, "Men don't need sex, they want it. It's not a wife's job to give her husband sex, this is absurd. Is this what women think? This is nuts. These are bad people." I tried to explain that in many relationships, yes, sex is seen as a few steps below mandatory.   

Needless to say, DH does not really love to have sex with me when I'm not in the mood, which is annoying because sometimes I know he would be in a better mood if we just had sex. I'm just a shitty actress. What bugs me, though, is that he would like me to give him blowjobs when I'm not in the mood (confession: I haven't done this in probably two years lol, whoops, because 1) TTC, 2) Pregnancy, 3) I hate them, stfu) because mentally he understands that blowjobs aren't physically pleasurable for women, so it's okay that it's not mutual. But because sex is supposed to be? Then it's not okay when I'm not in the mood? But like... it's so much easier for me to just lay there in spoons sex than give a blow job.   

krash_

@doxiemoxie212 yes I did! Which is kind of what led me to it. The thing is MH isn't pushing me to or initiating it but I still feel like I should offer it. He too wants blow jobs all the time and I feel like I might have miss led him in our relationship. In college, I had a tongue ring, I really liked giving blow jobs, I would swallow, ya know all the things that I thought guys really wanted. I liked having that "power" over him. But now I'm like "yeah I'd rather not. There's nothing in it for me." Nowadays a blow job is just foreplay but I don't like doing it because it will make MH finish faster. 

I'm sure if I talked to MH about it he would say the same thing yours did and he would tell me that I never have to feel obligated to have sex with him. But like I still do because it is part of being in a relationship with someone and it does affect the relationship eventually if you don't even if they say it's fine. And maybe it is all just my own insecurities. 

kmurdock925

When I have my doc apts it is always almost a challenge for me to see how clear my pee can be, lol.  I use it as a judge of my hydration and get pretty pumped when it is all clear.  So weird...

lisa2589

I also hate blowjobs @doxiemoxie212.... my confession is that DH and I lightheartedly bargained on something about 2 years ago in which I agreed to give him 5  .... I still haven’t fully paid up and in fact may have pretended to have forgotten about said bargain... oops?

sunshineandwhiskey

My husband totally agreed to do my laundry for sex.  No shame in my game  

doxiemoxie212

@krashke yes, exactly. I'm like wtf is the point of a blowjob for me? Either you finish from it and fall asleep immediately after because an orgasm is comatose-inspiring, or I do it before sex as foreplay, and then you finish in record time. And I'm sure any guy worth anything at all would obviously not want their partner to feel obligated to have sex with them, but I get annoyed with DH because occasionally (...rarely, but occasionally) I do feel that way anyway, and I just want him to go along with it. But instead we get into this like, "I don't want to be disrespectful of you" kind of thing where I'm like BUDDY I CAN DECIDE FOR MYSELF IF I'M BEING DISRESPECTED OKAY lol.

doxiemoxie212

@2589 @sunshineandwhiskey I used to bargain blowjobs in exchange for a certain amount of time picking DH's blackheads lol lol lol But years ago we decided to stop that because obligation blowies are the absolute worst kind of blowie lol. Also he stopped trusting me that I would actually give him the blowjob. ................I mean, I would've eventually. 

emiliadkay

@doxiemoxie212 You're my hero. I looooove picking blackheads, and DH has the most amazing nose where you can just run your fingernail along it and everything goes crazy. Poor guy hasn't gotten more than a 30 second blowjob in the last year, but his luck may be about to change...

Everything you're saying @krashke totally resonates with me. I'll definitely initiate sex when I'm not particularly in the mood and DH isn't even asking, just because I know it's been a little while. But even then it's kinda like going to the gym -- I'm not excited to go but, on the other side, I'm glad I did it. The sex I have the most mixed feelings about happens when DH requests, I say no, and then he seems so disappointed I change my mind just to cheer him up. But I love him and I want him to be happy... does that make me a good wife but bad feminist?

=caenis=

About the blow jobs and not getting anything in return...I get oral sex in return, which I actually prefer over regular sex. I would definitely not put the time and effort in if there was nothing in it for me. Like. Nah. But I'd say 70% of our sexual relationship is oral sex.

doxiemoxie212

=caenis= said:

About the blow jobs and not getting anything in return...I get oral sex in return, which I actually prefer over regular sex. I would definitely not put the time and effort in if there was nothing in it for me. Like. Nah. But I'd say 70% of our sexual relationship is oral sex.

I can't tag you for some reason... weird. 

I just feel like it makes so much more sense for DH to go down on me, and then we just have sex. And that used to be our routine, mostly, but we developed some bad habits during TTC because we're both efficiency minded people, and since we had to have sex so much even when we were really tired, I started opting to either use pre-seed, or I'd get myself ready because it's just faster. So that took a lot of the fun out of sex lol, and also now he's like well what's the point. 

Honestly, that's the most challenging part of our sex life -- convincing ourselves that there is value to be found beyond efficiency. Because if we're talking purely what's efficient in terms of achieving orgasm, sex is not the most efficient for either of us. 

But DH is basically a nudist at home lol (like not even boxers - he's just fully naked 100% of the time he's at home), and we spend a lot of time snuggling, so it's not like we miss out on skin to skin or anything 

THAT SAID is anyone else's husband a naked human? I told him once the baby is born, he's gotta at least have boxers on. And he said that as long as the baby is breastfeeding, then it's okay for him to be naked still. I guess that's sort of fine? IDK, I'm like half in the team of naked is natural, and then the other half of me is like but we're having a girl and that's sort of weird. #genderisasocialconstructionbutithasbeenconstructedveryconvincingly

dinodna3

@doxiemoxie212 I feel like being naked with a baby is just asking for an accident. Like he’s going to get scratched or spit up on or kicked in the junk. As far as them seeing him naked, DD is 3.5 and she still sees DH naked. She’s not weird about it, just comments on how he has a penis and she has a vagina. 

krash_

@doxiemoxie212 I like the hashtag. I think it's fine maybe until she is like talking and sharing with other people because it could be a very uncomfortable situation if she talks about her dad being naked around her and someone suspects there might be abuse. 

doxiemoxie212

@dinodna3 I certainly don't imagine we'll ever be a non-naked household entirely, but I feel like it's a little weird for DH to be naked all the time, especially as baby gets older because I feel like it's just going to make her be like, "DIAPER OFF, I AM NAKERS, I PEE/POOP EVERYWHERE! Hooray!" even more than she would normally? IDK. 

stephcat421

Oh boy this is a spicy FFFC! I'm kind of in the same boat. After about a week I kind of tell myself I've got to pay my dues. Usually if I get a little energy I'll convince myself to initiate it so he won't when I'm not up for it (because I always feel so guilty saying no even though DH is so respectful) anyways, I totally was like well time to DTD and actually started oral which is a special treat for him and just decided to finish with that because I was thinking that I didn't want to put my morning breath back in me lol.... I've got a baby in there to worry about! DH surely didn't complain! I was really hoping for the sex drive boost and although it seems more sensitive I'm still like eh not worth it. 

kmurdock925

@doxiemoxie212 - while dh is definitely not in the naked category, DD is 20 months and if she does see him naked she tries to touch and grab and it generally makes him very uncomfortable.  She has started taking showers with him at night about 50% of the time and he puts on swim trunks while she is in there.  The awareness of differences happens quickly.

dinodna3

@kmurdock925 The awareness does start early. DS (20m) has been poking me and saying “ ‘gina” for a couple months now. He is definelty more vocal about it then DD was that age. We just take a very anatomical approach to it. 

@doxiemoxie212 Maybe by that age, YH will just want to wear boxers for an extra layer of protection from hits and kicks. 

aharv77

I've been stalling for two weeks with DH because I was so sore downstairs after we did it last time! He'd probably be satisfied with just blowies buuuuut what fun is that?

amys614

Wow this is a spicy FFFC 

I am also on team I'll give you oral if I get it back. I mean maybe not perfectly equal every time but if you think I'm ponying up and youre not...ppsshhh nope. Sex now is like non existent. I typically have a pretty good sex drive, but now, it's like totally gone and I think he is semi weirded out by it so no one initiates. 

My FFFC is that I hate underwear so I mostly don't wear them. I wear them to the doctor or if im wearing a skirt...stuff like that, but they just make me insane. I haven't had too much extra going on down there in pregnancy so panty liners aren't in my wardrobe either.  My pants do go in the dirty laundry after one use just as underwear would, so it would save on laundry if I could learn to like it, but considering I've been anti since I was like 16, I'm not banking on it. This whole post delivery underwear wearing is gonna be fun lol 

doxiemoxie212

@amy614 pre-pregnancy I always had a lot of discharge, but ever since I got pregnant it's like... a faucet. My underwear look like I've been wearing them for three weeks without changing them after TWO HOURS. Like crusty and gross. (TMI? I don't care lol) I hate pantyliners though so... I just change my underwear a lot at this point. I seriously cannot imagine not wearing underwear. It would be dripping down my legs. 

ffw0617

Luckily I don’t have to stall since restrictions turns DH off. From day 1 of the pregnancy my boobs have been sensitive/ painful. That alone is pretty much a no go for him. I’ve sucked it up a couple times so that he can have access to them but he can tell it hurts me and overall I’m uncomfortable (worried about my tummy, the position, my hips hurting, heart burn at night) so that kinda kills the mood. 

elsie42

Ugh this sex talk is killing me lol. Going on 4+ weeks without it, and at least another 6-8 to go

dinodna3

The thought of wearing jeans without underwear makes me so uncomfortable. 

Im the same way @doxiemoxie212. I have to wear panty liners or else I’m changing my underwear and pants like 4x a day. 

jsl82

+1 to hating blowies!  DH and I have ongoing bets (sports teams, and random stuff) where I get a massage and he gets a blowie as our reward- I still get massages but I am in the red something like 10 blowies and 2 with swollows (he's never getting them).

We DTD last weekend because my parents had DD overnight when our power turned back on after the storm right before bedtime (we didn't think the house would be warm, so we left her to sleep in a warm PnP vs a cold crib).  We were both so tired from the snow, sleeping on an air mattress, and sharing the living room with DD- but felt like we owed it to each other/ ourselves to do it.  I'm glad we did, but I doubt we will DTD again until i"m 37- 38 weeks pregnant and ready to get DS out of my body (worked with DD within 2 days).   I do feel bad for him- not because I "owe" him sex (clearly I don't care about being in debt with our blowie situation), but because he's not hormonally challenged right now.  He takes care of himself- but I know he is excited to have the pregnancy be almost over (though he knows with BFing my body is still very much not my own for another year-ish).   I will also say though that I feel like we have more adult sex since having DD- as in, I get turned on much more by his vacuuming the living room without being asked (or coming home to a clean house) than I do by snuggling on the couch.   

As for DH being naked in our house- he's so much more conservative than I am.  I have no issues running around in a towel, topless, changing in front of a window, nursing in front of company/ while at the zoo, park, ect.  He is always making a fuse about it- and is weirded out by our 14 month old seeing him naked.  I've told him he needs to get over it- there will be times that he has to take her to the bathroom, shower with her, ect.   @kmurdock925 I see the swimsuit showering happening in our very near future- the the idea makes me laugh a little. 

krash_

@jsl82 the thing is MH wont take care of himself. I don't think he likes it. Not that he refuses to do it himself to force me to do it with him but he will just go entirely without. Whereas I am taking care of things for myself sometimes. I think that is what makes me feel bad too because I know he isn't doing anything unless I do it with him. 

Also I love the "adult sex." If he were to ever vacuum or clean a bathroom I think my panties would immediately drop. 

jsl82

@krashke feel free to let him know about the cleaning motivation- if you are going to give in to obligation sex you might as well get clean floors or dishes out of it 

katelynrae86

+1 to giving it up when I'm not really in the mood. I like how you compared it to the gym, @emiliadkay. Much like the treadmill, I generally enjoy myself once we get going and feel better after   

Weirdly, last pregnancy my libido was through the roof and this time its non-existent...I wish it would come back!

catlady1215

get busy for the afternoon and this blows up!

I won't even tell you guys how many times we've had sex this pregnancy. but I feel really bad for DH lol. We don't even talk about it. but I've felt really guilty and feel I need to address it with him.. make sure he's ok lol.

doxiemoxie212

@catlady1215 I think we’re at 6 or 7 times since ovulation?? Lol 

@krashke oh DH is 100% fine taking care of himself. If he didn’t feel that way I think things would be different (sometimes I wonder if it would be better because he’d feel more motivated?). I often will get up to pee in the morning when he accidentally wakes me up, and he’ll be in the bath (he’s always in the bath) watching porn on his phone, and I just pee and go back to sleep lol. 

Does anyone else feel like semen smells extreeemely strong with pregnancy nose? I can open a trash can and be like, you masturbated today didn’t you? 

catlady1215

@doxiemoxie212 DH would be ecstatic with that number   I feel like a bad wife. even though I know exactly what he'd say... my body is going through a lot, he understands, blahblahblah.

sunshineandwhiskey

@catlady1215 right there with ya. I think we’re at 3-4 since I found out. I blame my hatred of being pregnant. DH is great about it but I’m with you and feel guilty and bad. 

Is it it bad I really don’t mind blowies? Easier cleanup and seems to tide him over  

i really need to work on overall affection with DH. I feel like I’m the guy in the relationship sometimes. 

katelynrae86

OMG @doxiemoxie212 I'm dying over here at, "you masturbated, didn't you?" 

On a TOTALLY unrelated note: I find it really creepy/weird when people create a Facebook profile for their children (I don't think this is UO...but possibly since I don't know if any STMs here do this). There are a few people in my feed who tag their kids/babies when they post photos and videos. I clicked on one of them today and it was a full on profile for an infant! I'm not against posting stuff on social media, but why does he need a profile? Are they going to hand it over to their kid at some point? Will they want their baby bathtub pictures and first steps linked to their profile as a teenager or adult? Or is just the way of the future...? I'm glad FB didn't exist until I was in college... (as I go post pics of my kiddo, so who am I to talk)

doxiemoxie212

@katelynrae86 I think a lot of people use it as a photo album of sorts but man, at least lock down those privacy settings. I do giggle thinking about giving my kid the keys to their social media account with photos from EVERY SINGLE DAY of their lives lol lol.

sunshineandwhiskey

@katelynrae86 I have an insta page for DD. It’s easier for us to share pics with people this way and I figure if they are following her page they WANT to see pics of her. Thus my insta stays more me. I don’t think I’d ever make a FB for her though. I’ve never seen that.