TTC After a Loss

TTCAL week of 3/5

Happy Monday everyone!

1. Introduce yourself (if new)
2. Status?
3. Rant/Rave:
4. GTKY: What is your dream pet?

Re: TTCAL week of 3/5

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    1. Ttc since 1/17. CP 3/17. NMC 9/17.
    2. WFAF 13 DPO
    3. Rant: Eczema is taking over my life. I can't even function in the real world because I can't wear anything that's even remotely tight on my skin. I've been wearing a robe for a week. Can't sleep more than an hour at a time without waking up. It's horrible. Started a new treatment last Wednesday that is so far proving ineffective. Grrr. Also frustrated with ttc. Stupid temp drops.
    Rave: DH has been such a blessing the last week helping pick up the slack with the household as I deal with all this. I really am so lucky.
    4. A husky!! I want one sooooo much!
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    2. Status?  TWW 5 DPO
    3. Rant/Rave: yesterday my in laws came to dinner.  They were sitting in dining room and I was in hallway talking to DH for a minute when I hear them say to my son whoa that was close you scared us.  In a minute, son comes in and I asked him what he did. He didn’t respond and I walked into dining room and in laws went silence then FIL says mums the word.  It was so awkward I just walked on through to kitchen and got my son something when they began to talk.  So I mentioned it to my DH so he texted his mom and she claims it was nothing to do with my son.  Not sure I buy it.  I’m sure my son just almost fell off something just not sure why they wouldn’t tell me. Annoying 

    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? Great Dane I just love those dogs especially when their ears haven’t been clipped.  They are so big I’m not sure we will ever have one though 
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    @Kath525 sorry about the temp drop.  It sucks.  Also eczema is the worst I have it too however I don’t think I’ve ever had it as bad as what you are describing.  I hope it gets better for you! 
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    edited March 2018
    1. Introduce yourself (if new): not new
    2. Status? I don't even know anymore.  CD16, either not going to O this month, or 1DPO if I use OPK as indicator instead of temp. 
    3. Rant/Rave: My temperature is a lot lower now than it was during AF.  I'm hoping it's due to interrupted sleep.  Feeling very meh about this cycle.  Started the progesterone today anyway.
    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? I'm not sure.  We have allergies in the family, but I love big dogs.  And elephants :)
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    1. Not new. March 2017 was my 1st pg. Only to end in a MC in April. Then 2 more MC in July and October
    2. TWW but not holding much hope for thus cycle
    3. At a dinner party the other night and one of the ladies asks myself and another woman 'so why did you both decide not to have kids, you both travel so much and live childfree lives, it's all so cool'.  She seriously said that!!! I so badly wanted to say - Actually b!&#ch my last trip away was to try to connect with my partner after suffering through 3 heartbreaking miscarriages in the past year as it's hard as hell on a relationship, it's not 'cool'. But instead I just sat there dumbfounded and then brought up how I know a couple with a 7 year old who's traveling the world right now. Why is this still happening. Women wake up - you can't ask  other women those questions! We should all know better. 
    4. If I could have 32 cats I would! I have 2 now but would love more 
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    40momma40momma member
    edited March 2018
    @Mack2342 sorry about the in-laws. Obviously something happened...
    @Kath525 ugh. Sounds so painful. Does anything make it better or just time? 
    @bakerstreetboys an elephant hehehe 
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    1. Not new. MC 5/16, CP 2/18, nothing in between. No diagnosis yet. 
    2. Status? CD1
    3. Rant/Rave: I feel very positive for this cycle- I’m finally getting a hysteroscopy done, switching to a new GYN, and meeting with an RE. All over the course of 3 days next week :lol: I just want to move forward in my life. 
    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? I’m really happy with the kitty we have now, although I want to get him a buddy. If I worked from home I would get a dog in a heartbeat. 

    @kath525 So sorry about your eczema. I had a friend growing up who had it really bad- it seems so tough to deal with. 
    @40momma Oh no, that’s horrible to say to someone! Some people live in such a bubble and don’t realize how tough this process can be for people- so they don’t realize they should keep their $%(&# mouth shut regarding our ‘choices’.
    @mack2342 Great Danes are so gorgeous and chill! Their short lifespans are kind of depressing, though. 
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    @Mack2342 that's so irritating! Sounds like something my mil would do. Grrrr. I also love great danes. It's too bad they have so many health issues.
    @bakerstreet89 sorry about the wonky cycle! That can be really frustrating.
    @40momma people who haven't gone through it just don't have a clue. It's really frustrating. I'm sorry you had to listen to that. And I've been fighting this flare up for about 6 weeks. 
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    Argh my post got cut off 
    @40momma my dr has tried 3 different medicated cream, an oral steroid and last week a super shot of steroids. Nothing has touched it. I really don't know what the next step is. I have to go back at the end of the week. But it is a distraction from ttc at least ha. 
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    @lin0442 That's exciting that you have so much coming up!  Hopefully you get some answers :)

    @40momma Ugh.  People are such a$$holes.  I'm impressed with your ability to filter your response!

    @kath525 That sounds awful.  I hope something works for you.  And yeah, boo to stupid temp drops.

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    @lin0442 I hope you get a plan worked out with all your appts 

    @40momma women should really know that you don’t ask that.  
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    1. MC in Sept. then CPs in Jan and Feb
    2. Benched while testing
    3. I know I’ll be glad we followed advice and waited for them to finish testing but it’s so hard to be patient. Due to timing of my cycle we will be out for at least two months by the time everything is done. 
    4. One day I would love to get a maincoon cat.

    @40momma some people are so insensitive and clearly don’t think before they speak!

    @Mack2342 that’s so annoying, when it comes to my LO I would be pissed if I knew something happened and they just wouldn’t tell me!

    @Kath525 that sounds awful! My niece has bad eczema and it just seems like nothing helps! Luckily your DH sounds great! 
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    1. Introduce yourself (if new) - not new. BFP 1/16/18, MMC 2/15/18, D&C 2/27/18

    2. Status? - Not sure if/when I'm going to be ovulating so not avoiding sex but also not actively TTC or chart until after at least my first cycle.

    3. Rant/Rave: Rave - We have been remodeling our bathroom and it was completed Thursday evening, which officially makes it the nicest room in our house. Rant - And then the next day, Friday, we were caught in a windstorm and half our roof blew off. Whomp whomp. Insurance will cover it, but it's still annoying having to deal with that process (esp the same week as the D&C).

    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? I am a dog person (as are apparently most of you!) so love my pet pup. My dream pet I think would just be all the dogs. We found a lost dog in the neighborhood Saturday. After 2 hours and no leads I also wanted to just keep that dog - alas the vet was able to find a chip.

    @Kath525 - I feel your pain with the eczema. I get *such* dry skin, esp during the winter. I was begging DH to scratch my back last night and apparently it looked pretty wrecked already :neutral: Hope you get some relief soon!!

    @Mack2342 - I have been obsessed with great danes since the Poker Face music video (is it weird I remember music videos based on what animal was featured?). I am so sorry your MIL and FIL are teaching your son it's ok to keep secrets from you, def not the lesson he should be learning. I'm sure it was something small, but still, why act weird about it. How frustrating.

    @bakerstreetboys - Sorry you're feeling meh this cycle. I wish I could offer advice but I am still new enough to this I don't understand the significance of most of what you're saying so - let me offer you GENERAL WELL WISHES AND ENCOURAGEMENT! 

    @40momma - I'm so sorry about the dinner party. I am chubby and carry my weight in my midsection so get asked if it's a boy/girl about once a year. That's *never* fun, but I have been dreading getting asked that again and afraid I will lose my shit, unlike you. People need to know it's a sensitive subject, for a lot of different reasons, for a lot of different people. Sounds like you handled it the best way you could.

    @lin0442 - Get a dog!! You don't just have to work from home!! FX for you this cycle, I hope all the change brings positive news for you!

    @char245 - Sorry about your recent CPs. Hope the testing brings some answers and being benched will feel worth it at the end.
    Me: 36 | DH: 41 | Married: 9/29/07 | DD: December 2018 | BFP: 2/1/21, EDD: 10/6/21
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    2. Status?  

    CD 17; 99% sure I ovulated today, not temping while benched

    3. Rant/Rave:

    Rant - we’ve had some really nice weather and melted almost all of our snow, and now a giant (like foot and half of snow) storm is blowing in Wednesday night... this sucks because 1. It’s my 30th birthday and I was going to have dinner with a couple of friends since it’s a week night; now I’ll probably be home alone while DH races to finish last minute stuff in the house because 2.  We’ve had our post construction clean scheduled for like two months for Thursday... they’re saying they can add more people and do it all Friday if they can’t make it out but ugh!  We need everything cleaned majorly from the months of gutting and building and we also need to be able to be back in next weekend to finalize everything for moving the weekend of 3/17.  Rent plus a mortgage is stupid after all the rebuild cost and we’re dooooone.

    Rave - despite the above.... after a year of hell, home soon!!

    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? A hedgehog!!! Or a sloth!!! (Don’t tell my dog.  Lol). 
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    @lin0442 You go, girl!  I’ve had weeks like that!  My hysteroscopy wasn’t the funnest time but DH likes to tell everyone that he’s seen the inside of my uterus.  You know, fun party talk.  I took a couple Ativan and three ibuprofen and it was definitely doable... I’d rank it worse than the sonohysterogram and better than the D&C.  

    @40momma You’re nicer than me... situations like that are where I get really blunt and start giving the person who asked an inappropriate question my full medical history because, hey, you wanted to know.  If it makes you uncomfortable maybe you won’t ask people that anymore.

    @char245 The bench sucks.  There’s no hope or action and I’ve had such a hard time with it... since September.  We had one shot in all of this about a month ago and despite the BFN it was probably my best two week span yet just because I felt like something was finally possible.  Distract yourself the best you can and know you’re getting all of the leg work in now to motor into treatment afterwards!
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    @lin0442 I hope all of these appointments give you some new information and you get a good plan going! 
    @Kabazaba eek about your roof! Dealing with insurance Is the worst too!
    @ccvslp welcome home! (Soon!)

    Thanks everyone for the sympathy about the eczema! 
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    1. Introduce yourself (if new) - mostly new (was here briefly in November) MMC 10 weeks last October, just had second loss over weekend 6 weeks. 

    2. Status? - benched for now. Realizing I need to be charting. have follow up with obgyn next week.

    3. Rant/Rave: Rant: i was selfish and told my family about this regnancy early - now I gotta tell them the bad news, ugh. Rave: being outside in the sunshine today, sky was a bright clear blue and it made me feel hopeful. 

    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? backyard, egg-laying chickens - funny birds would make me laugh and make me eggs, win-win

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    @whit789 sorry for your losses.  Welcome to the group. It is hard to tell people after the fact but I found it helped with the grief process. 
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    @whit789 i don't think it was selfish to tell your family about your pregnancy at all. We tell my family right away as well. At least in my case, they'd rather know and be there for us. It is hard to tell people the news of a mc but I hope you find that they are there to support and love on you during this really hard time. I'm really sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
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    2. Status? CD 27. 4 DPO.
    3. Rant/Rave: Rave: It's no longer Monday. Rant: I'm still a bitter hag.
    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? A beautiful rough collie!!!  Oh wait, I got one of those almost 2 years ago!  He's my baby and I love him SO much.

    40momma  Urgh! Sorry about your dinner party guest. I wish people would just STFU about PG and ‘mom’ anything!

    Kabazaba Oh no about your roof!  That sucks!

    whit789 You weren’t selfish! Telling family/friends early on in the PG can give you a great support network when a loss happens. Appreciate that! I didn’t tell anyone for my first PG and so I had to call my mom and tell her that not only WAS I PG and found out that I had a non-viable PG, but that I was having surgery 2 days later because the baby may have actually been a cancerous ball of cells (Molar).  If I had it to do all over again, I’d have told everyone right away with the first PG! It’s hard to be depressed, not wanting to talk to people, and crying at your desk all work day for weeks, when no one knows what happened and you aren’t up to explaining it.

    MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
    MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
    MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
    RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
    MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
    RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
    MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)

    RE #3: More testing 2023. 
    Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
    Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
    Lupron Depo March 2024.  Benched 3 months.  Hopefully FET after that.


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    @Kath525 I’m so sorry about your eczema - my DH gets it horribly bad like that, too. His whole body will essentially look swollen and red and dry. 
    @Mack2342 UGH about your in-laws. Mine can be incredibly weird, so I feel your pain.
    @bakerstreetboys Interrupted sleep was really messing with my temps, and thus making me BSC, so I had to stop temping. And also, I ♥️ elephants!
    @40momma I’ve had people comment about my childlessness like it’s sooo cool, and such a money-saver. I’m super blunt, so like @ccvslp I tell them exactly what’s going on with my struggles to shut them up.
    @lin0442 GL next week with your appointments!
    @char245 I had a Maine Coon growing up and he was the COOLEST cat.
    @Kabazaba Sorry about your roof! 
    @ccvslp YAY for returning home, soon! And Happy Birthday - 30’s are the best.
    @whit789 Welcome, and I’m sorry for your losses.
    @dpjennifer I LOLed at “bitter hag.” I’m right there with ya, sister.


    1. Not new, 3 early losses in 2017.
    2. TWW, 4dpiui
    3. Rant: work this week is going to be insane! All day trainings and travel 4/5 days. Rave: busy work week means less BSC during the TWW.
    4. Dogs, all day err day. 
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    @whit789 I’m so sorry for your losses! And I agree with everyone else, you were definitely not selfish. Most likely you’ll get a lot of support from friends and family now, which will hopefully help you heal mentally.

    2. Status: CD16, might still be WTO but might have missed my window. Details in WTO thread. 
    3. Rant: Husband is sick. I feel so bad for him because when he’s sick, he’s always REALLY sick. This is his third time being sick this winter which is pretty unusual! Poor guy can’t catch a break. Rave: Today is a beautiful day! The sun is shining and it’s starting to feel like spring, finally!
    4. GTKY: Hmm. I’m a cat person, and I love my kitty to bits, but she’d be even better if she 1. Didn’t shed (all my clothes and furniture are covered in fur), and 2. Let me pick her up. She hates being held! Other than that I already have the perfect pet. 

    DS born 2/18/2019
    DD born 4/1/2023
    Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
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    1. Introduce yourself (if new): New but have posted. 31, this would have been our 2nd, confirmed MMC on 2/28 And had D&E 3/1

    2. Status?: Benched until 15th follow up w/OB then plan (maybe...) to NTNP until first AF. Active TTC after that.

    3. Rant/Rave: Rant first. MIL just sent me a pic of BILs Bffs new baby asking me to show niece her "new cousin". She knew about the pregnancy, loss, and surgery. I haven't been able to stop crying for the last 45min because of it. That baby is not her cousin. My baby was. And now my baby is gone. And you send me a f#&$*=% baby pic not even a week after I lose mine?! Likely wasn't intentional but clearly she is super upset about losing a grandchild. I have nothing to rave about right now because she absolutely ruined my decent day.

    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? Sugar Glider. They look so soft and snuggly
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    2. Status? Expecting AF today. POAS on Saturday (ok, 2 sticks) and both were BFN. We went ice fishing and I wanted to test before I spent the day drinking. I guess it's not over until AF shows up. But I have to say I'm glad I tested.. got the devastation over with. 
    3. Rant/Rave: 
    Rant: My lanta, there is a supply teacher at my school today with the gosh darn cutest baby bump. Probably about the size mine would have been at this point. I cried the whole way down the hallway while I ran-walked after a 5-year-old student after seeing her. That topped with the BFNs.. sigh. 
    Rave: t- 5 days until March Break! And, someone hand delivered a slice of homemade chocolate cake to my office, it was glorious! 
    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet? 
     I'm always, always in the minority, but I'm not an animal fan. I don't have any pets and I don't really ever want any, ever. I actually have nightmares about being trapped in a pet store. 
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    @Kath525 Sorry about the eczema! My husband has psoriasis and goes absolutely crazy with itchiness when he is off of his medication. 
    @40momma Going through this journey totally changes your perspective on things. I used to be a "so... babies?" kind of friend, but never again will I casually ask someone about it. 
    @lin0442 Good luck with your appointments! Yay for optimism!
    @Kabazaba We just renovated our bathroom and it is also the nicest room in our house haha. I'm so happy with how it turned out! Super crappy about your roof though! Terrible timing. Hopefully it gets fixed quickly! 
    @whit789 I only told my mom about the pregnancy after my miscarriage. I think she suspected I was pregnant (with the lack of beverage consumption, I'm an easy tell), so the look of excitement/expectation that came crashing down when I told her about the miscarriage made it so much worse. But she's been super supportive, she had an ectopic pregnancy before I was born so she is very understanding. (Actually when my husband told his parents he also found out that his mom had a miscarriage before he was born as well).  

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    @mrsdrez it's shocking when you tell people and find out how many have actually suffered the same. I've told some coworkers (who didn't know about the pregnancy) and I would say 5 out of the 6 have told me they've gone through it as well (well their wives cause I work with mostly men).
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    Thanks everyone, appreciate the kind words and perspective. I know my mom will be loving and supportive when I tell her - I’m so lucky to have that.  I’ve just got to trust that she can handle her own disappointment when I share bad news. She’s a big girl, she can do it.

    @prpl11butterfly ugh, MIL! Such a bad move with the picture! Sorry she wasn’t more thoughtful.

    @mrsdrez hand-delivered homemade chocolate cake at work - way to win, jealous! 
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    I have a question for the ladies who temp/chart and have used progesterone.  Did you find that it made your temperature spike?  I guess it makes sense because naturally produced progesterone is what makes the temp rise after O, but I didn't expect to see such a drastic shift.  I'm pretty sure I didn't O this month either, but I could see if becoming misleading if you were to get your hopes up when your temp remained high in the TWW.... 


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    @bakerstreetboys I temp and take progesterone in TWW.  My temp is slightly higher when I take it but not that much.  It typically stays higher until I stop taking it.  One time I had a temp drop and started AF before I stopped it but that has not been my norm. 
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    edited March 2018
    @Mack2342 Thanks!  Do you wait until O is confirmed to start taking it, and wait until AF arrives before stopping?  My OB wasn't super clear, and given that my cycles aren't 28 days anymore, I want to do it right.  I've read online that starting it too early can suppress O, and taking it too long can suppress AF!
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    I will be using it this next cycle, @bakerstreetboys.  My RE has me using OPKs and I’m supposed to start it 3 days after a positive one.  I’ll take it until 2 wks and 2 days after the positive OPK and then do a PG test.  If it’s negative I stop until +3 the following cycle. 
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    @bakerstreetboys RE has me use it 2 days after O.  We use a trigger shot and the do IUI so with the trigger you are supposed to O within 36 hours.  So I start progesterone 2 days after IUI and then they tell me to wait until 15 DPO to test and if negative then I stop progesterone.   AF usually starts within a day of stopping progesterone.  I have continued to take it a few days extra because I was out of town and didn’t want AF to arrive while out of town as I would not be able to get an US.  
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    edited March 2018

    @ccvslp Thank you!  That seems like a good way of doing it.  That will be my plan until I finally get to meet with an RE in April.  I started based on OPKs, but maybe didn't wait long enough this cycle.

    ETA: as if I could wait 2 weeks + 2 days to POAS!  That will be several sticks in already for the month.

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    1. Introduction: Discovered MMC on 2/15 via u/s and had D&C on 2/21. First miscarriage.
    2. Status: Just trying to figure out what's happening with my body now. My bleeding from D&C has been very manageable and not heavy. But I'm 2 weeks post-op today and it's the heaviest it's been. We are ready to start TTC again as soon as it's possible, I just have no idea what to expect from my body getting back into a real cycle. I was very regular and predictible before MC.
    3. Rant: Just when I thought maybe my bleeding was almost over...
    4. GTKY: What is your dream pet?: I just love dogs, and I love mine. Any rescue is perfect!

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    @GeorgiaGirl1230 sorry for your loss.  Welcome.  Unfortunately there is no normal after MC.  It takes time for body to heal and then it may bounce back to normal before or it may create a new normal.  After my first MC I bled for about 4 weeks.  The next two bleeding was much shorter maybe a week or so.  Take time to heal both physically and emotionally 
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    @GeorgiaGirl1230 welcome. I am so sorry for your loss. I know after my miscarriage of i started doing too much physically then my bleeding would pick back up. So maybe that's the cause of the increase? 
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    edited March 2018
    @GeorgiaGirl1230 I hope your bleeding stops soon. My D&E was a week ago (tomorrow) and so far hasn't been bad. BUT I did notice that on Monday it got heavier after getting seriously PO'd at my nieces mom and then again yesterday after I got upset about MILs message. I haven't really done anything out of the norm for physical activity (actually less then usual because DH has me on "light duty" at home until my FU next week) so I don't have experience but it does make sense that it could increase it.

    Edited to current SN. Opps.....
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    @GeorgiaGirl1230 I’m sorry for your loss. Waiting for your body to get back to “normal” is so hard! Hopefully you’ll find the support you need from the wonderful ladies on this board. 
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    @GeorgiaGirl1230 - welcome, and I'm sorry for your loss. Sorry about your bleeding, I hope it gets better soon. I had a D&C last Monday (Feb 26?), and had very light bleeding through Thursday that week (Mar 2?) but that was it. I hope you return to "normal" soon.
    Me: 36 | DH: 41 | Married: 9/29/07 | DD: December 2018 | BFP: 2/1/21, EDD: 10/6/21
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    @GeorgiaGirl1230 so sorry for your loss. Welcome. I hope your body settles in to a normal pattern soon. I’m waiting for the same, after a nmc last weekend. Trying to trust it will come soon.
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