It was so great to belong to a BMB. And now, I'm kind of lost. I want to be able to talk to people going through this with me. Especially those of you who were supposed to be with me on the S18 road to baby.
I'm still kind of in shock. Trying to sort through this is a lot.
At our regular OB visit on the 27th, they were unable to find baby's HB. Assured me they were not worried, was still early and placenta could have been blocking but everything else was spot on for my dating. Scheduled a US for the next morning. I left work and met DH at the hospital. I was prepared to see baby and heartbeat and go back to my office shouting from the rooftop that were were pregnant. But no. No heartbeat. We were sent back to OB. I'm not sure if DH was in denial or just hopeful. But I knew. I saw the dopplar with no HB registering. OB confirmed, MCC.
I had my D&E on Thursday (March 1st) and all things considered, it went well. I had amazing staff caring for me. And I mean truly caring. They'd been there before me, laid on that table, felt the heartbreak and shared their stories. It was beautiful to be surrounded my so much love and support in such an emotional and painful moment of my life. I don't remeber their names, it was a blur. But their kindness will never be forgotten.
I'm tired, emotionally drained. But I want a baby. My family isn't done, we are all ready for another. God this is truly aweful.
Sorry for ranting, it just helps me feel a bit better everytime I can get it out there.
Re: So I find myself here....
There's a really great group of women in the ttgp boards if you want to come over there. There is a ttcal thread that is wonderfully helpful. Maybe I'll see you there
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss, and I am right there with you. I hadn't even joined in on the September board because I wasn't sure I would be able to dedicate the time to it, but we found out at our first ultrasound on 2/5 that baby was measuring much smaller than expected based on my dates. They booked me for a followup u/s on 2/15, but I think I knew all along that it wasn't going to be good. I was certain of my dates. Waited 10 days in near agony and found out baby never grew another day and heartbeat was gone. I had my D&C 2 weeks ago today.
It's been the biggest challenge of my life. It's hard to see pregnancy announcements from friends on FB with babies due in September, even when I am happy for them. I will have sudden bursts of sorrow when it hits me all of the moments I won't be experiencing with this child that I was already so in love with. But I know that I will make it through this season. Just know you aren't alone.
Went to my 8 week appointment on the 28th and there were 2 empty sacs ... no baby (or babies) to be seen.
They had me come back to check for changes today and there was no change.
I have had no spotting or bleeding. Just typical minor cramping so this came as an incredible blow to my husband and I.
I am scheduled for a D&C on Monday. I am hosting a bridal shower and bachelorettr party in the next 5 weeks otherwise I may have waited for a natural loss up to12 weeks but I just have too much on my plate to wait this out.
My husband has been amazing throughout this and I know we will come through this a stronger couple. I believe things happen for a reason even if we don't understand it in the moment.
I am so sorry to share this loss with everyone here and wish for all of us to find our rainbows soon.
@bethica83 I am so sorry for your losses. Dh and I have definitely become even more vulnerable and grown closer together because of our recent loss. Wish you luck on Monday, our d&c would be 2 weeks ago on Monday. Hoping for rainbow babies soon
I'm glad that your H has been great, I think it's good for the healing process. I hope he's able to grieve in his own way as well, sometimes men are hard to read. Hoping your D&C goes smoothly. I had mine last Thursday so if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to, please feel free to PM me.
Hugs and hope you also get a rainbow soon
I know my husband doesn't like to talk about feelings much but I know he's grieving in his own way. I can feel it in his touch mostly. Sometimes he just reaches over and touches me and I know he's thinking about the loss.
A nurse called me to go over instructions to get ready for the procedure today. She started and ended the call with so much empathy and kind words - I appreciated that so much.
I have no doubt that you will be in great hands Monday
I'm just gonna go ahead and cry now.....
I am not even 48 hours from my d&c and my body has amazed me. Smooth physical recovery so far.
Emotionally I am better than expected. I had nearly 2 weeks knowing I had miscarried before the procedure so it was a relief and provided closure for me. I definitely wasn't ready for it when we first found out.
The clinic was great, my doctor has been wonderful.
I still have my ups and downs. But I am looking forward to getting the all clear to try again.
@bethica83 2.5 weeks post op I still have up and occasional downs. It does get better slowly
Sending you peace and love.
I've been making sure to go outside in the sun most days and take my vitamins, trying to think positively. It's helping and I'm feeling better, even if some days I have to fake it. I'm in a better frame of mind now.
It's amazing how much better I felt physically after it was over. My horrible sickness went away that day and I didn't need MS meds anymore. My energy levels are way better, and my patience is back. I'm not a jerk anymore. Mentally I still get sad though.
It's kinda hard going back to work because I'm a nanny and the woman I work for got pregnant same time as me. It suuuuuucks and it's hard. She and her husband don't want me to tell their son "my baby died", so I guess I have to keep it a secret.
I'm so sorry Alexandra, my first pregnancy and mc was an empty sac. It's so shocking... Even worse that you didn't know this whole time. I hope you're doing ok and can take a little break to help recover. Did they say it was a blighted ovum?
I hope everyone else is doing ok too. There are definitely ups and downs. It's ok to feel sad, mad or anything in between.