TTCAL week of 2/26

coco2787

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.** 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today?

ChloandCoco

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

TFAS - 4 early losses in the last 11 months.

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are going ok this week. DH has been working a lot lately, so it feels like time is passing quickly. I'm meeting a friend for dinner on Wednesday and I'm really looking forward to it.

I'm struggling with deciding if I want to bench myself for a couple of months, just for a mental break and to get back in shape. I guess I'll see how I feel later this week.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? HPTs later this week.

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today? I'm grateful for the sunny weather today. I think I got hit with seasonal depression this year (on top of everything else), and I can't wait for the spring.

Another thing I'm grateful for is this recipe I found (see spoiler), it's absolutely delicious.

https://www.ricardocuisine.com/en/recipes/5241-lemon-chicken-pasta-with-parsley

galactickates

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
1 ectopic loss at 9 weeks on Nov 20. The date will forever be burned into my brain.  My left tube was removed. 

Status: TWW. 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Ups and downs. . I've been having a really hard time seeing and being around pregnant people.  Over the weekend we celebrated H's birthday and this girl was there who was due in August, already has two kids was there and I was crawling out of my skin. I had to just suck it up because we came into town and I wasn't going to make H leave his own birthday... but that was painful.
What's going well is I'm really hopeful for this cycle.  H and I had amazing timing and I just need to wait it out now.  

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
BFN yesterday but it's ok,  it's to early.  I'm not going to freak out and say I'm out yet because I don't think I am.  I can't test until I get home though so that sucks.  Maybe tomorrow am?? Idk

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today?
I have two.  For my husband. It's his birthday today which is even more of a reminder that I thank my lucky stars every day that I have him.  Second - we close on our new house tomorrow!  This time tomorrow we'll be getting the keys to our brand spanking new house.  Gah!!! Squeeeee!!! Omg!!! Yay!!!! Oooooo!!!!! Aaaaah!!!!! All of the above! 


Eta tag- @ChloandCoco - that recipe looks delicious!!! I saved a screen shot of it so I can try it out

holly321

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MMC 2/12 and MMC molar pregnancy 8/17

Status:

Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

I am doing well.  I have 2 more BCPs left, still benched for 1 month, but I started temping, so I feel like I am getting somewhere.  TW, today, my mom called and said my cousin's wife is pregnant again, accidentally, and the only emotion I felt was genuine happiness. End TW.  I did have a bit of a breakdown over the weekend, but otherwise, things are good.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Hcg is next week. 

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today?
Today, my mom.  She is handling stuff for me while I had a bunch of errands to run and a ton to do at work.

@ChloandCoco , what about NTNP even?  Not sure if that would help take away some stress.  Best of luck making your choice.

@galactickates , how exciting about your house.  Sorry the party was rough, but I hope you and your DH enjoy his birthday.  FX it was just too early.

galactickates

Yay!  @holly321 You are almost through it!  I remember when you were posting saying 6 months!!  And you're right there now!!!  I'm so happy for you, it's bringing tears to my eyes. 1 month benched left.  I hope it flies by for you.  

ChloandCoco

@galactickates I still have a hard time seeing/talking to pregnant women. I can keep it together while talking to them, but once I get home I'm in the worst mood ever. But congrats on closing on your house!!!!
@holly321 Yay for almost being done with the bench!! Time will just fly by for you this month! AFM, NTNP isn't really an option for us because it's easy for us to get pregnant.  If we prevent, that way I could workout/diet, drink, and do things that I've been putting off in case I was KU. 

kindbytealikat

@galactickates Hugs that is so hard. For me it has gotten easier but still isn't easy by any means. Our local ToyRUs is closing so DH and I went in there which I didn't think would be a big deal. But seeing all the infant stuff really made me realize that I in fact won't be bring home a baby in a month. 
@holly321 ALMOST THERE YAY!!!
@ChloandCoco that's a hard choice to make, it kind of feels either way something is going to be hard. Hugs my friend. 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses August 17, Jan 18

Status: Break

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I guess things are going okay this week. The warmer weather is definitely helping, curbing the seasonal depression anyways; lets just hope it's here to stay. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Awaiting results from my blood test last week. 

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today?
My family, friends and sunlight. 

nmbrcrnchr1

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Hi, I unfortunately belong here now  

We have been TTC since July 2017 and I started actively participating in the dailies around Sept/Oct I think. Loss story in spoiler for TW* BFP/CP/EP mentioned and bc it’s kinda lengthy

This last month has been an extremely emotional roller coaster that just keeps going. At 14 dpo I thought I had my first CP, I was sad but honestly ok with it and ready to move onto the next cycle. A week later when I was starting to test on OPKs, the wondfo test line was twice as dark as the control line, for 2 days in a row. I had read somewhere that OPKs will show positive if you are pregnant so to rule that out I took a pregnancy test. I only had a digital so I was shocked when the word “Pregnant” showed up in less than 30 seconds. We were cautiously excited. Started that day with betas and progesterone testing. My prog was extremely low and my hcg was rising but not doubling. My dr was cautiously optimistic and put me on prog supplements. I kept getting my hcg tested every few days and it was the same story - rising but not doubling. Last Tuesday at 6w3d I started cramping. I called my dr to see if I could get an ultrasound. They told me I’d have to wait until this next week. I argued with the nurse that if they wouldn’t see me that week I was going to the ER so they agreed to see me. My midwife is wonderful and after realizing I was worried more about ectopic than whether this pregnancy was viable she ordered an u/s that day. Unfortunately, my biggest fear became reality, this baby had implanted on my right tube, right where it meets the uterus. My dr has praised me for being insistent on being seen bc we believe we caught it early enough to save my tube. I received a methotrexate injection on Friday and go back Tuesday for my first follow up to make sure everything is doing ok. 

Status: benched I guess? 

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? It was a rough weekend. I’m feeling much better today but I think I called the on call midwife more times this weekend than I ever have combined. Mentally I’m doing ok but physically this has been rough, and from what I’ve read I’m not even at the bad part yet I believe the progesterone I was on or the MTX caused me some major stomach issues. So I’ve spent most of the weekend wondering if my tube ruptured or if I just need to poop! Sorry TMI!!! 

Although I don’t want to be here I’m thankful for this thread. I’ve been lurking for a few weeks now and the support that is given is just amazing! Only one friend in real life knows about this, except DH and my parents, so it’s nice to have a safe place to talk about these things. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Yes, Tuesday I’ll get a hcg test and ultrasound. So I’m anxious to see those results and I hope and pray my body is responding to the MTX so I can avoid surgery. 

GTKY: It may sound weird but today I’m grateful that I have an awesome job that has allowed me to work from home through this entire process. It keeps my mind off of everything but yet I’m comfortably working from my couch (and also catching up on all my shows) 

nmbrcrnchr1

@ChloandCoco I too suffer from slight seasonal depression, it’s awful. I’m so ready for spring/summer
@galactickates sorry for the triggers this weekend. Yay for closing on the house tomorrow and I’m crossing everything for you for a positive this cycle!
@holly321 yay, you’re almost there! 

kindbytealikat

@nmbrcrnchr1 So sorry for your loss. Take your time and be nice to yourself. We are here for you. 

coco2787

@nmbrcrnchr1 I'm so incredibly sorry you find yourself here.  I had been lurking October and my heart sank when I saw your name on a goodbye post.  I'm so glad you advocated for yourself and were able to avoid surgery.  It can be hard to offer support to others when you're still reeling from a loss so don't feel like you have to jump right in and be supportive right now.  We're here for you  

galactickates

@nmbrcrnchr1 - I meant to check in on you and see how you were doing.  I'm glad to see you made it over here.  Keep us updated on your appointment tomorrow. 

eleven_

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 early losses this year

Status: TWW – 10DPO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’ve been okay. The TWW has been such a roller coaster for me this cycle. I need a vacation from this mind-f*ckery.

TW: pregnancy mentioned

My sister-in-law is due this week and for some reason, I can’t wait to hold her LO. I know I’ll probably cry and be consumed with jealousy, but I’m just so happy for her. She had a pretty traumatic loss at 22 weeks and I’m so happy she gets her little rainbow. I know I'll probably be an emotional wreck once I leave the hospital though.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? BFN yesterday and today. I am still waiting for progesterone results to come back. Then I have a few more tests to take on CD3 if this cycle is a bust.

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today? I’m grateful for my DH. He is just so understanding of my ups and downs. Sometimes I don’t know how he even deals with me.

@chloandcoco That’s a tough decision you are faced with. Maybe decide as O comes closer? I thought I wanted to bench myself this month, but when the time came I just couldn’t not try.
@galactickates I’m so excited for you to get the keys to your house! That is such an exciting time. I’m so sorry you’ve had such a rough time being around pregnant people. When I’m having a sad day, I suddenly feel like the entire female population is pregnant. They are just everywhere. FX for you if you decide to test tomorrow!
@holly321 I’m so excited that it almost time for you to be able to try again. Like @galactickates said, I hope it flies by for you!!!
@nmbrcrnchr1 Hi friend. I’m so sorry you are here. You have had such a stressful weekend and I hope you are taking care of yourself. That is so nice you are able to work from home during all of this.

ChloandCoco

@kindbytealikat I hope the warmer stays around wherever you live!
@nmbrcrnchr1 I'm so sorry you are joining this group, but just remember that it's ok to not be ok. And good for you for speaking up during your loss.
@eleven_ Good luck to your SIL, but it's normal to feel a lot of happiness and excitement for her, but at the same time jealous.

holly321

You ladies are the sweetest/best.  Thank you!
@nmbrcrnchr1 I am sorry for your lost and finding yourself here.  I hope you are feeling better from MTX, it is rough stuff.  Do you know how long you will have to be benched? I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow.
@kindbytealikat , I am glad the warm weather is helping, I hope it stays this way.
@eleven_

I think we discussed before that our SIL's are in similar positions.  Some how mine still hasn't had her baby yet, they are scheduling her induction date tomorrow.  I am so excited for them, but I worry about how I will feel. I hope we both do well. 

coco2787

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

MMC discovered at 9 weeks, baby stopped growing at 7w4d, elective D&C.  Early loss at the beginning of the Feb. 

Status:
TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

TWW is always stressful.  Doing ok emotionally in that I don’t always cry when I think about my losses but I’ve always been a sweep it under the rug and put on a brave face kind of person, which I know isn’t really healthy.  The end of my first intership is almost here which means a mad scramble to finish final projects, but it’s a good distraction from TWW anxiety.  I have to present an inservice next week and I’ve never done anything like that so I’m pretty nervous.  Excited for spring break though!  

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Phospholipid antibody test at the OB tomorrow.  HPT on Friday probably.  Hysteroscopy around CD 3 if this cycle is a no go.  

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today?
My family.  Sometimes I feel so caught up in TTC/worrying about the future that I forget to appreciate the people right in front of me.  Trying to get better about focusing on the things I do have rather than being consumed with what I’ve lost. 

nmbrcrnchr1

Thanks everyone 
@holly321 I’m not sure yet how long I’ll be benched. I was waiting to ask my dr on Friday. I go in tomorrow for blood work and ultrasound and then again on Friday. She said that would be the day they would be able to know whether the MTX was working or not (and if they’d have to do surgery) From everything I’ve read it’s 3 months  

lnwint01

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Early loss in January/February.  I can’t really pinpoint the loss exactly, because the pregnancy never progressed as expected and the loss process was so drawn out.

Status:

WTO, I think? Still have no idea what exactly is happening with my cycle.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

This past weekend all of my husbands sisters were in town to help my SIL prepare her house for the baby.  She started having Braxton Hicks contractions too.  The girls organized a sister/maternity shoot for her, which I was in.  That was hard, especially pictures with all of our hands on her belly, but I am very excited for her.  Seeing all the baby swings, nursery, newborn diapers, etc set up hurt.  But my SIL was the only one of the sisters that knows about my miscarriage, and I didn’t want to ruin the good time and excitement, so I kept a smile.  Thankfully I have years of practice keeping my feelings to myself. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

My hcg on 2/23 was finally <5, so I am officially done and good to go I guess.  But I am still bleeding slightly (I have been bleeding since 12/31). I’m not really sure when that will stop.  I did start using the CB OPK, yesterday was low, and this morning it was a flashing smiley, but I don’t really know how reliable that is.  I don’t really know how the whole cycle/ovulation/AF scenario works after MC.

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today?

My stepdaughter.  She’s 12, and she’s just a really good kid.  She marches to the beat of her own drum and she genuinely cares about everyone.  She completely filled the big ring by the wood stove with fire wood yesterday so her daddy wouldn’t have to, just because and without being asked.  

Spylon

@nmbrcrnchr1 So sorry for your loss and that you have to join us here. This is a fantastic group, though!
@eleven_ Totally understandable for you to have such mixed feeling in regards to your SIL. Good luck to her!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 early loss 

Status: benched, WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm struggling a little bit with seeing pregnancy announcements on Facebook right now, especially because they're expecting around the time I would have been. I'm happy for them, but I still feel those twinges of sadness. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope. 

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today? It finally feels a little bit like spring outside!

ChloandCoco

@coco2787 I'm a sweep it under the rug kind of gal, too. Even thought it's probably not healthy, it's easier, right? I hope your presentation goes well next week and that your tww goes by quickly!
@lnwint01 That sounds like a horrible weekend, and I'm so sorry you had power through that.
@Spylon I took a social media break for a couple of weeks and it really helped me. Maybe you could step away from facebook for a little bit?

dpjennifer

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Unexplained RPL. 4 early MC

Status: WTO. CD 20.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I think weather and hormones are messing with me. I’ve been having headaches and sensory overload. Just done with people right now is all. FW and O is also stressing me out.

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today? Grateful for the flexibility I currently have in my work so that I could telework/take off some time this week to deal with my emotional issues.

galactickates Sorry for the PG chick at DH’s party. It’s always rough to be around PG women, and even harder when you can’t avoid them. Also, congrats on the house! I hope you’re having a great day today!

nmbrcrnchr1 Sorry for your loss. I’m glad you were at least able to stick up for yourself and get diagnosed sooner rather than later! Also, I agree about the teleworking. It’s been a lifesaver during my RPL issues!

eleven_ I understand how you’re feeling about your sister’s LO. A friend of mine has had 4 losses (including 1 stillbirth) and gave birth a week or so ago to her rainbow and I desperately want to visit and hold it!

lin0442

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Not new. Loss in wk 13 in 2016, CP Feb 18. No diagnosis.

Status: 13 DPO, wfaf

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’ve had to work a lot lately around a woman who’s been obviously (and successfully) pregnant both times I have and it’s just so infuriating. She’s nice enough, but I feel so gross and jealous and bitter. It’s a really painful reminder.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Just wfaf this month. I finally have my RE intake on 3/16 (hahah exactly two years to the day from my first BFP haha why do I do this to myself)

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today? DH. He’s just such a sweet person and made decaf for the two of us this morning even though he was tired. (He knows I gave up caffeine for TTC reasons).

@nmbrcrnchr1 Sorry for your loss. Good for you for advocating for yourself. 
@Spylon ‘snooze for 30 days’ has been my best friend on Facebook for the past couple of months. 
@dpjennifer Working from home is a blessing. I remember after my first loss, before I had the ability to wfh, I was stuck at the lab bench in a coat and gloves working on a time sensitive thing, and tears were pouring down my face and proceeded to do that ‘crying because you’re crying’ thing but couldn’t go anywhere or wipe the tears away. Mortifying. Also, it seems like you’ve had a painful few days and I’m so sorry. It’s hard sometimes. 

dragonette505

ChloandCoco yes! the improving weather will be good for all of us!
galactickates Ugh... it can be so hard dealing with being around preg women! Of course you couldnt leave sux but so awesome you're closing!!!

holly321 so glad you are getting closer to being off the bench!! I was benched for a good while with you, so i wont exactly say it flew by, but so nice to be getting to the end of it!

kindbytealikat Im with you guys and totally appreciating the better weather!

nmbrcrnchr1 Im so so sorry.... also I hate that they made you fight to be seen at a time like this! sending hugs and hoping you recover (physically) quickly...

eleven_ The TWW is the worst. 10 DPO, so theres still hope!

coco2787 Im a bit like you... sweep it under the rug... i think thats why support groups like this are so valuable.. I would NEVER express all of the feels i express here in real life with my family... Im stalking your TWW too! I'll be keeping my fingers crossed Friday!

lnwint01 so sorry this MC is being so drawn out.. i had one like that with lots of spotting... sometimes it just takes a while to resolve... in my case i had retained tissue, so if the spotting keeps up too long its not a bad idea to check. your step daughter sounds lovely

Spylon I removed my FB app from my phone... made life easier for a while. Hope AF comes soon for you!

dpjennifer do you think you are in your FW now? I can be a bit of a late O-er myself.... so awesome you can occasionally work from home!
 


Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.  4 losses

Status: WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just tired of the Provera Ive been taking, but luckily today was the last pill!

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I will be getting a fluid sono after AF is done

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today? My husband... There are times it seems he carries the weight of all our responsibilities while i wallow in a hormonal stupor.

Spylon

@ChloandCoco @lin0442 @dragonette505 You guys are right. I probably need to take a social media break. I did it last summer for nearly two months, not for any specific reason, and it felt really good. 

maureenmce

Hi all, I thought I would introduce myself here as well. I'm recognize some of you from BOTB and some from our, unfortunately, brief stays on A18. Hugs to you guys and it's nice to "see" you, but sad to see you here.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
**TW for loss and child mentioned** I'm TFAS and I've had two losses basically in a row, one was a MMC, suspected at 7 weeks, confirmed at 9 weeks on September 18th. I tried the medication route for 2 weeks and thought it worked, found out it didn't, had to have a D and C a week after that October 9th. I was benched in November, took December off for mental health, then started trying again in Jan. We got a shocking BFP our first cycle back, but then I had an early miscarriage before week 5. end TW**

Status:
TWW, though I'm almost certain I'm out this month because I was working an insane schedule, our timing wasn't great, and for the first time since I started tracking my CM I didn't notice any at all last month, so I'm not sure I ovulated. So basically WFAF and eager for her to show up so I can move on to next cycle.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
I've been struggling a bit because I'm in a message thread with two of my friends who are trying for a baby and having difficulties. It's just a bit tough because our difficulties are so different. They are having trouble trying to get pregnant but have never miscarried. I am having trouble staying pregnant. They are wonderful but I just have been dying to talk to people who understand the process of loss more I guess? I'm also having a hard time with milestones. The due date for my MMC pregnancy is coming up in April and I just am kind of terrified of it. I had really, really hoped I'd be pregnant again by that date (and I kind of used that hope to get me through the pain of the loss), but after my most recent miscarriage my hope for that is dwindling. I could go on and on but it's my first post here, so I'll pace myself, lol. I can be longwinded.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?
I have a thyroid autoimmune disease, so I saw my endocrinologist to make sure my thyroid wasn't the issue (it was off when I had my MMC) but it seems good, so at least there's that.

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today?
My husband, who is such an amazing partner and I don't tell him so enough. I need to do that tonight. He worked his ass off while I was on that insane work schedule, taking care of everything I couldn't and I wouldn't be able to work in my career without his support. And he's been amazing through the losses and so supportive.

ChloandCoco

@maureenmce I recognize you from BOTB and A18. I'm really sorry you find yourself here, but these ladies are the best and we are here to help you. People who haven't had a loss, don't understand the pain/fear/anxiety. It's really something that you have to experience in order to get it. 

holly321

@coco2787, I am like you and don't deal with emotions healthily at all.  I have been telling myself for over a year I need to go therapy.  I hope everything goes well with you internship finishing up this week.
@lnwint01, from what I  have read in the molar group I was on, a lot of women either ovulated or got their periods as soon as their HCG levels normalized.  As for bleeding for a while, I would think it is bornal to have bleeding with elevated HCG, but after that, I would talk to the doctor.  It still may be nothing, but it is better to check things out. But, it could be hormone related as everything gets back to normal.
@dpjennifer, I hope you are feeling better..
@dragonette505, time certainly hasn't flown, especially when you add on the time before I was benched, it will be  almost 9 months total from my loss until I am cleared. I hope you are feeling better from the Provera and hope it does it's trick.  Good luck with your sono.
@maureenmce, I am sorry for your lost everything and that you find yourself here.  I swear us A18 ladies have had the worst of luck.  So many with multiple losses and it just feels like there are a lot of us. 

clbness

@ChloandCoco I hope you enjoy dinner with your friend tomorrow night!  
@galactickates  Congrats on the house...I hope everything went smooth today!  
@holly321 I hope your last month really flies by for you. 
@nmbrcrnchr1  I'm so sorry you find yourself here.  Good for you for being persistent and advocating for yourself.  FX for good results and no surgery!
@coco2787  Good luck with your presentation next week!
@lnwint01  That's great that your hcg is back down.  And I'm with you on not knowing where you're at in your cycle...it's frustrating!  Also, your stepdaughter sounds like an awesome kid...it's heartwarming to hear of kids helping out "just because."
@Spylon  I'm sorry that FB has been hard...I hope that a little break away from it can help. 
@dpjennifer  I'm sorry you've been feeling down in the dumps lately, but you're totally allowed to feel that way.  I hope you're feeling a little better today!
@lin0442  I'm sorry you have that painful reminder at work.  Don't feel guilty about those feelings. *hugs*
@dragonette505  Yay for being done with Provera!  I'm glad your DH has been super supportive...that's nice to have when you're feeling down.
@maureenmce  I recognize you from my very short time on BOTB (I THINK we may have shared a love of NKOTB? I apologize if I'm mistaken.) and I'm so sorry to see you here.

FX for all of you in your TWW and testing!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 early loss at 8 weeks around February 10th-confirmed on the 15th

Status: Impatiently WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?  Well, my rave is below in the GTKY.  But my rant would be my left ovary.  Before my MC was confirmed, the ultrasound showed a simple cyst on my ovary about 4 cm big.  At the time, they couldn't tell if I had already miscarried or if I was having an ectopic.  Fast forward 3 days and they chalked my bleeding and cramping up to a miscarriage (because my uterus was empty) and nothing else was mentioned about an ectopic.  Since I've been working out a little bit, my left side has been cramping a bit more and now I'm worried it could be more than that cyst.  I could be paranoid and it could just be the cyst.  But, I don't know...

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Another blood draw for hcg this Friday.  Was 83 on the 14th and 53 on the 22nd.  REALLY hoping it's below 5.

GTKY: What are you most grateful for today? Today the sun was out and the snow was melting, so I went for a run on my lunch break!  DH and I are doing a couple 30 day workout challenges before work each morning and that bit of activity has really lifted my mood.  I do still like to eat all the things though, so there's that...

nmbrcrnchr1

Thanks everyone for the thoughts. Unfortunately my dr’s appointment did not go well. The methotrexate did not work and the embryo was still developing. I went in for emergency surgery this afternoon and the tube had ruptured so they had to remove it. The surgery went well and I’m at home recovering. I’m still trying to process everything and how this will affect our TTC journey. I don’t want to make any decisions right now but this seriously has been so traumatic I’m not sure what I want to do. Thank you again for all your support. I have no idea what I would do without this place. 

galactickates

@nmbrcrnchr1 ygpm but I'm just so glad you advocated for yourself.  I don't even want to think about how differently this could have gone.  I'm just so sorry you had to go through this. I've been thinking of you and thank you for the update.  I wish I could give you a hug and do so much more.  

coco2787

oh no @nmbrcrnchr1 I'm so sorry to see this update   Sending you hugs.  Remember it's okay to not be okay.  

coco2787

@ChloandCoco I understand wanting to take break.  It's such a roller coaster.

@galactickates I'm so sorry the birthday party was hard.  I had a birthday party this weekend with someone due in May.  It just sucks.

I'm glad the end is in sight for you @holly321!

@kindbytealikat I hope everything with your blood test results turns out okay.

@lnwint01 I'm sorry, that photoshoot sounds really difficult to be a part of.  I hope the bleeding stops for you soon.

@Spylon seeing pregnancy announcements is the worst.  I always hide people after I see them but that doesn't help the initial sting.

@dpjennifer I'm glad you were able to work from home and get an emotional break.  

@lin0442 sorry you've had to be around a lot of pregnant women too.  It seems like they're everywhere

@dragonette505 yay for being done with Provera!  Your FET day will be here before you know it

@maureenmce I'm sorry you're feeling alone.  Getting to my due date without being pregnant is one of my biggest fears too.  

@clbness I hope everything looks good at your follow up appointment.

eleven_

@nmbrcrnchr1 I'm so deeply sorry. You have had such a traumatic week and it just breaks my heart for you. ((Big hugs))

Spylon

@nmbrcrnchr1 I am so sorry for the rough road you've been on. I hope your recovery goes smoothly. *hugs*

clbness

@nmbrcrnchr1 I’m so sorry to see this update. Sending you so many creepy internet hugs. ❤️

ChloandCoco

@nmbrcrnchr1 This just breaks my heart. What a horrible and traumatic week. I'm sending you all the creepy internet hugs. 

kindbytealikat

@nmbrcrnchr1 I'm so very sorry. Hugs!!!
@maureenmce I'm so sorry you are joining me over here. My heart sunk when I saw your name. 

maureenmce

@nmbrcrnchr1 Oh my gosh, how scary and traumatic. I am SO, so sorry.
@ChloandCoco Yes, it's just something difficult to talk about with when someone hasn't experienced it. So grateful this community exists.
@holly321 Yes, there really are a lot of us from A18! I really hope luck turns around for all of us very soon. It's so tough.
@clbness Ha, yes I think we did talk about NKOTB, how funny! Good memory! Nice to "see" you again, but sorry to see you here.
@coco2787 Yeah, due dates are just so hard. Maybe I'll plan something special for myself and my husband that day, just to distract myself and help get rid of the idea that I *must* be pregnant by then. Maybe you could plan something nice/distracting for your due date too?
@kindbytealikat Hey there, I hated to see your name here too. But I'm hoping with all my might that our stays here will be short.

dpjennifer

lin0442 Working from Home is absolutely a blessing! My office is very against it for not very valid reasons, but I was able to go around it and get a plan worked out thankfully! It’s a lifesaver while I go through this RPL drama. And it has been a hard few days.

dragonette505 Yeah, I usually O around CD 20 or so. Some EWCM lately so I think we’re good to go. Getting sick as of yesterday so glad we DTD a few days ago! Hoping temp spikes soon. Also, sounds like your DH is like mine! I can’t imagine how put together and supportive he is, while there are days I am like “I put on pants and fed myself today” while crying my head off.

maureenmce Sorry for your losses, but welcome to our group.

nmbrcrnchr1 Oh no! I’m so sorry things went to shyte and you had to lose your tube. What a crappy sucker punch on top of a crap situation. Take some time for you and to recover before working on a TTCAL plan for the future.

kindbytealikat

Just need a vent space....
Loss sucks, what's worse for me though is not having any answers. Although unlikely I was hopefully that something would come up in the clotting disorders that we could fix. Given my sister has a clotting issue and my mother has an issue with her blood as well that keeps her from donating, I was so very hopeful for a fix. ON one hand I am so happy that I do not have a health issues, but it really sucks not knowing the cause of losses and having something to make me more hopeful for the future. We are doing two more clotting test now, the Factor 5 and a gene mutation one, but I'm not hopeful they will show anything anymore. Either way we are increasing my folic acid to 5mg's a day and fish oil to 4G's a day while TTC and I'll be doing Aspirin and progesterone when I get pregnant. There really is no point to this post I'm just having a pity party today and everything feels hopeless. It doesn't help I'm a month away from my first lost due date. 

ChloandCoco

@kindbytealikat I'm in the same boat, there's no reason for all my losses. It's human nature to want a solution to a problem, and when there is none, it's just really hard to grasp. People keep reminding me that it's a good thing the doctor didn't find anything, but in reality, it's not. I wish there was something else I could say to make you feel better, but it's really just a sh*tty situation.

AFM, my dinner with a friend did not go as planned... **TW pregnancy annoucement in spoiler**

Well, I had a really bad night yesterday. I met up with a really good friend last night and was hoping to vent to her about the last couple of months (and also about getting a BFN this cycle), so after I order a mojito, she ordered a ginger ale. I knew instantly that she wasn't drinking because she was pregnant. We then proceeded to talk about her pregnancy for the rest of the dinner. I ended up mentioning near the end that I was unsuccessful this cycle and she replied, "you should get those ovulation tests and just have lots of sex!". She knows about all my losses, so that was a real slap in the face.