Royal crest delivered milk and eggs (my usual) when i specifically order only sour cream. Now i have to make an early call because i don’t want to have to pay for this! I have over 24 eggs now!
I'm 22 weeks pregnant as of this Tuesday and I work part time at a grocery store while I build up my private practice. Anyways I have two coworkers at the grocery store that at pregnant. one is 10 weeks farther than I am and the other one is about 4-5 weeks behind me. I am so fed up with the one due the month behind me. She constantly makes excuses to not do her work or to get to leave early, or just misses shifts. I work my butt off every shift while she sits and complains and slacks off. Ugh! I shouldn't have to do the work of 3 people to make up for her just so I can go home on time. today she had the nerve to try and ask me for my prescription migraine meds... thankfully they weren't on me but no way am I giving someone who I have zero idea of their medical history who is pregnant prescription meds!
@lindsayleigh1989 i can see how that’s frustrating! I have a few male coworkers who come up with the craziest excuses to work from home, miss work, or come in late. The whole time I’m thinking to myself what such slackers they are while I’m over here pregnant, with a toddler, and with more adult things to do than them. But then we also have to think that we don’t entirely know what they are dealing with behind closed doors. Just let them be. It’s their own job they are putting at risk and is not gonna help them when they have a baby to look after and they can’t time manage. You can at least feel good that your doing all you can for yourself. But yeah that prescription thing is a big no no! Hang in there, your doing a great job!! edited because i can’t spell as usual
@lindsayleigh1989 that is really frustrating. And crazy that she would ask you for your meds. Yikes! You definitely did the right thing by not giving her any. @wildtot brings up a good point though, and it's how I always try to approach situations like this. Just assume they dealing with a lot more than you know about. And, my mom always used to tell me, the only thing you can control about other people is the way you respond to them. I still have to repeat that to my self (along with "what the **&#") about 50 times a day. ha ha
Meagan Married 6.12.10 DS 11.8.12 Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
My bitch fest is that my bump app hasn’t been working for a week and a half and this is the first day I can actually get on and see the boards etc. Stupid technology. I’ve been trying to follow along!
@lindsayleigh1989 I can see why that’s frustrating. I have a few coworkers who are the same but not pregnant. It’s frustrating because there’s some things I legitimately cannot do as it’s harmful to baby (I work in a vet clinic) and they’ll still be lazy enough to have the nerve to ask me to do it anyways. It has me wanting to go off work early for the sake of not getting so stressed out. Why should we be stressed at or everyday job. Not cool.
@lindsayleigh1989@wildtot agreed it is so annoying when you are trucking along pregnant and coworkers are slacking off....I can think of two examples in my tiny office of 10 people. Our administrative assistant, a perfectly healthy 25 year old, called out today because she has a cold. I feel bad because I'm sure it's the same cold I've had for a week now, so I probably gave it to her, but now the phones are ringing off the hook and I have to deal with it since no one else is here yet, and meanwhile I didn't miss a single day of work while dealing with the same cold, while pregnant, with a toddler at home and long commute. In fact I never call out for just a cold. It's just annoying, I want to tell her to suck it up and come to work but of course I won't. I try to think she could have other circumstances I'm not aware of. The other example is my male coworker who refused to go on this work trip next week because he felt the flight was too long and it was too much of a hassle, so he got out of it. Meanwhile here I am about to fly across country 22 weeks pregnant, leaving my toddler behind for 4 days which I've never done before, and trying to manage GD to boot. I was considering not going on the trip but as soon as I heard he had backed out, I immediately felt like I had to go because my office needs representation there. Just seems incredibly unfair to me. I am friends with him too, but still I feel he is being a baby. But, he has very very mild cerebral palsy so I am tryinggggg to be understanding that that can be tough on him with traveling (though he just went snowboarding last week, and lives in NYC where he has to walk everywhere so there's a limit on my understanding).
@zande2016 this may be an UO, and no hate intended! But personally if someone is sick with a cold or flu like symptoms, I would much rather them stay home instead of getting me sick. Before I quit my job prior to having my first, I was the work horse that picked up the slack from others too (and I was the only salary employee and not eligible for OT... go figure), so I feel your pain on that!
I hear ya @cseley321, but colds can linger for weeks during the winter...and we are a very small office so when one person is out, we all feel it. We also only get 5 sick days per year.
Yeah that's how our office was too. Small businesses are great, right? We had an open office with no real separation from each other. I would just cringe when someone came in sniffling and hacking
The system where I pull up call logs to monitor them weekly is just giving me a blank screen. Annoying! Guess I'll try again this afternoon.
My major bitch today is that DH asked me not to share our gender reveal video with anyone yet. He had no reason other than "I would prefer to wait until Monday", but I secretly think it's because he's mad that I didn't take all of his advice for the project. I did take some of it, but he was being such a pill and purposefully not helping that I don't even think he noticed. We also got into a huge fight in the middle of it when DD got paint in her eye. I was over it, but just thinking about it all gets my BP up all over again!!!
yeah I am less annoyed with her and more annoyed that my supervisors expect me to keep picking up the slack. I also just wish if she is unwell to try and cover her shift ahead of time instead of leaving us short staffed
Had a rough saturday night with double whammy of nasty call from my mother just as we were getting to birthday dinner for MIL where I got sat next to the well-meaning-but-puts-her-nose-in-everything-rudely "aunt" who grilled me for 2+ hours with DH 5 seats away and out of line of conversation.
So I need to just vent - which is why i'm putting this in spoiler form - sorry for the book even though I've edited down 4 times. So my family isn't close, long stories lots of baggage. So mom calls, drunk per usual as we get to the parking lot for MIL birthday dinner and tells me she just got a guilt trip about neither of us calling enough from my uncle and is passing along the guilt trip to me and sort of adding her own that I should talk to her more too. I'm barely surviving just going to work in the morning, getting through my 10 hour day of meetings and getting yelled at by clients, then playing clown slave to a toddler until she goes to bed, and then I basically pass out too if I don't stay up for an hour or so to actually see my husband at all. I can't call my grandmother before 1 pm or I'm told it's too early, if I call when I get off work on my way to getting DD I'm told they're just about to have dinner. If I call my parents' house on my way home they're already drunk and don't remember the conversation or she won't get off the couch to come to the phone. I get it, I SHOULD find a way to talk to my grandmother more, absolutely, but i'm killing myself doing the best I can for my family and the whole way the call went just really upset me.
Then we get inside the restaurant to dinner. Before I even get my coat off DH's "aunt" is asking me 1000 questions about my recent cardio issues - which neither DH or I told her about. This isn't just a caring/concerned "how are you feeling" - this is a Spanish Inquisition, ignoring multiple polite attempts to dismiss/downplay the issues and change the subject. The next big hot button issue was asking if I could go part time or quit my job when this baby came. Again, not a single indelicate question, it was asking/pushing the subject multiple times for over 20 min. Well can you afford to quit. Can't you just go part time. Well what if you downsize your house. Finally I just said sure we could do that - if we moved back to FL - did she want us to do that - well no of course not because she would never see the kids. All because she feels I should stay home to "raise" my children. Not once did she ever ask me if I WANTED to stay home. I've busted my butt getting a master's degree, certifications, and working my way up to management before I was 30, and i'm damn good at my job - pointing this out also didn't stop the line of questioning. Sure, there are days I would love to stay home with my kids and also take care of the things constantly falling through the cracks because DH and I both work too much - that kitchen would sure as hell be done by now. My mother was a SAHM, I have so much respect for SAHM, but I'm honest enough with myself that right now DD is getting way more out of daycare and interacting with other children and educational programs than she would home with just me and sibling. If we were in a position where daycare x2 was close to what I make, I'd stay home in a heartbeat, but I can better support my family by working. There were a bunch of other not as hot topics on everything from taxes to how we should have 4 more children (despite this being a frequent "discussion"). I was raised by a throwback 50's housewife- I try to be extremely polite and respectful but I was loosing it by the end of the dinner and my responses were getting more clipped and blunt. Where I was sat, I had no other conversation partners due to the shape of the table and placement (DD wasn't even nearby to concentrate on) so this was literally the entire dinner for me.
Me being me, I continued to internalize my call from my mother about being a crappy daughter/granddaughter and "aunt"'s opinions on how I could be a better wife and mother and ended up silently crying the whole hour drive home. DH and I talked about it the day after, apparently he couldn't hear any of what she was saying besides a few words here or there and had no idea how bad it had gotten. We agreed for the foreseeable future I am not to sit next to this aunt again and he needs to buffer. I know, I know, none of this was malicious and I should just be happy she seems to care about our family. Perfect storm of mom already taking a layer or two off my skin, 1-2 punch before I'd even sat down knocking me off balance, it all was more than I could handle for that one night.
Also - I need to find time between meetings to yell at Sears Outlet - bought a new fridge last Monday to replace the broken one, still waiting for my "next business day" call to confirm delivery!
@gingerbride26 sorry you had a bad night. I just wanted to say it is hard to be a working mom with a toddler. I too, chose to work because I enjoy my career. I also feel that daycare is a great place for children to learn and interact. Some of the older generation still place a stigma on daycare and think that you are dumping your child off at a cold and uncaring place. Trust me, I have received the same line of questioning when it came to child care and why I am not quitting my job. People should be at least meeting you half way if not working around your schedule to have a call. I know gparents won’t be around forever but you really are limited on the times you can call. Glad your DH will make sure you are not stuck with your aunt again. Next time I think you should mess with her. DH’s grandfather was the one that pushed the issue about quitting and I made random comments like, “why didn’t you quit your job when you had kids” to make him come to his own conclusion that it is not just the woman’s job to do child care. Or I would ask him how much he was going to pay me to stay at home to make him feel a little uncomfortable and to stop explaining myself.
whew, that was a lobg reply but I just wanted to say I have experianced some of what you are going through.
I have been going back and forth with my auto loan’s bank for the past 3 weeks. My insurance company sent out a check to pay off my total loan on feb 2nd and it’s STILL not closed. And every time I call them they’re all “just so you’re aware your account is 11 days past due.” IM AWARE, YOU HAVE A CHECK FOR WELL MORE THAN MY PAYMENT WAITING FOR YOU IF YOUD GET OFF YOUR ASS AND CLEAR IT. I swear if I have to make a payment so they don’t ding my credit I’m going to loooooose it.
I think I over did it yesterday and now my back and hips hurt so bad I can barely stand. It would be fine except DH is an asshole about it and says it’s because I’m out of shape (partially true) but completely ignores the fact that I’m pregnant and already have herniated discs in my back from a previous injury. I tell him my back hurts and he asks why.
We had our gender reveal party this weekend. I thought it was so perfect and I bawled my eyes out when finding out it was a girl because I was so happy. We had our family and close friends there and it was great and I thought things went very smoothly. Until after the party, DH told me that his dad and brother "joked" with him that he wasn't man enough to produce a son. The running thing is that there hasn't been a girl on their side of the family for many generations and everyone was convinced we'd be having a boy as well. DH told me their comments really affected him and kind of ruined the party/evening for him. He was telling me how happy he was that we are having a girl but he feels like his excitement is dampened because of what they said and how he thinks they're upset that it's not a boy. His dad/brother can be such dicks and it pisses me off that they'd say something to him like that. He's a sensitive guy and can't brush things off easily, and I hate this that is getting to him so much.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@rachelsogo What a bummer! And how extremely rude of them! I saw a shirt not too long ago though, that you should definitely get for him! It says “real men make girls”, or something along those lines. It hurts my heart for you guys, reading this, but it’s not 1850 anymore. Girls are just as valued as boys! if you two are happy, don’t let stupid comments dull that! And you can tell your husband that I’m jealous you guys are having a girl! I want one so bad, but this is boy #2 for us and likely our last baby.
@rachelsogo, I can't believe your DH's dad and brother made those inappropriate "jokes." It's too bad they ruined what should have been a completely happy occasion. I hope that in time he can be completely happy again about the little girl coming into your lives. And congratulations!
As for me, I'm at work, it's lunchtime, and I'm already so fatigued. Day after day this happens to me, so I just try to get as much done before lunch as I can and then switch to somewhat easier tasks. I'm 21 weeks + 1...where is the energy of the second trimester that I was promised?
@rachelsogo that's crazy they would say that! Not an excuse, but maybe men don't understand how those words can hurt other men if they haven't been in the situation. It's just a rude thing to say! I'm sorry that they ruined such a special occasion for your DH.
My BF...We went to the bounce house/open gym today at a local rec center. This happens often and I don't know why, but maybe some other moms who do this can give me some insight- DS is 2.5, so not a sharer. He's also home all day with me and while we go to events with other kids this is one where its a free for all and the toys are just out so he has to share objects and take turns. He will literally go up and take things from other kids and if I don't stop it (which I try and keep my distance at these events, but will intervene if something bad is happening) or get there in time, and the other parent almost always gives DS the toy he wants, sometimes out of her kids hands, and then takes the kid away. Sometimes the kids are the same age, sometimes they are younger. If our kids are the same age, I think this is teaching my kid that he will get what he wants if he just takes it, and teaches their kid that its ok for bigger kids to take things from them. Am I reading too much into this at this age? Am I wrong to expect the parents to tell my son to wait his turn if I don't make it their in time? It happens all the time!
@rachelsogo that’s ridiculous that they would say that to him considering that’s his father and brother and they should know something like that is going to affect him. I’m sorry the party was kinda ruined for him. I would just remind him how happy he was to find out it was a girl and get him to focus on that. The other BS doesn’t matter.
I'm gonna be quick and respond to y'all later because we're out and about but I want to add my very ridiculous bitchfest which is that I really want to get tickets for Hamilton since it's before baby and right around my birthday. even though I woke up at 7am CST which was barely when the website virtual line opened, I'm probably not going to get tickets because I still have 10k people in front of me! I just really really hate these systems that are basically geared towards scalpers and people who don't have a job or a life! Here's to hopefully snatch a couple of tickets...sorry for my unimportant bitching while y'all have real reasons to complain but I really despise it when things aren't made accessible and fair to everybody!
@paytonpedro Thanks for the shirt suggestion! I just ordered one
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@kissableviv I hear ya on the ticketing systems! I have been trying to get tickets to HP and the Cursed Child and have applied for an access code twice, gone to a virtual waiting room and...still don't have effing tickets. So guess I'm waiting on that, lol.
thanks @chaser61. I know it's a constant struggle for moms everywhere - we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. We work we're horrible moms for "abandoning" our kids, we take off work for dr visits or school functions we're on the "mommy track" and our careers suffer, we quit completely and somebody says we're doing the "easy" thing and wasting our potential/education/brains. I may get to the mess with her point - it's not really in my nature but a different approach is needed. I try to have patience because she is one generation older where women still greatly just stayed home, she works a completely different type of job that is easily adjustable by hours, and that whole family is just in each other's business so deep they have no shame/privacy/filter. DH will never fully "get it" because he's a man, so no one judges him or questions him (and let's be honest - his life practically hasn't changed since having kids) - hell he's considered a saint by many for changing diapers or working from home once in a while when DD is sick instead of me. I knew you ladies would "get it".
@SmashJam sharing is a tricky subject. My son is not a good sharer either (he’ll be 6 on Wednesday lol) when he was a little guy I would often give other kids toys because it teaches my kid that he should share. We had some toys that were “special” and I wouldn’t have ever made him share those, but if he’s ambivalent about it any other time/day and only wants it because someone else wants it then we need to hand it over for a minute.
@rachelsogo congrats girl! I’m so sorry that such a special moment was ruined for your H. I’m glad he is happy. I feel like the opposite is true for me. Everyone around me is having girls and always says how awesome girls are and I’m worried that if I have a boy that they won’t care about him because he’s a boy. I would be happy with either, but part of me wants to feel important too. If they’re being dicks, take a step back. No sense in having people around yourhat make you feel like junk. Easier said than done with family.
so got distracted while working and the other BF's didn't show until after i pushed post >_< lindsayleigh1989 - thanks - it's only because I have no balls and am a doormat ;-) i shot it right back at my mother, but with DH's family i have a lot of problems speaking up paytonpedro - I feel for you - I too have back problems before pregnancy and pregnancy doesn't help it. DH is also oblivious/stupid about it - it's like when you have chronic pain DH gets de-sensitized to it. Bringing him to the dr appointment where they said I needed to super cut back on activity seemed to help if you get to that point! @rachelsogo - that is horrible, i'm so sorry. Family can be so horrible and people can't seem to just be happy for others, they need to bring their own drama. Plus is this freaking 16th century? It's a literal flip of a coin/timing thing people. @kissableviv - fingers crossed.
@gingerbride26 I hear ya. My husband would recommend against explaining my choices if it appeared people were giving unsolicited advice rather than really wanting to have a discussion. When I made the comment to his grandfather, it actually opened up a conversation about how things are just different, which is not necessarily a bad thing. His grandmother chimed in and said she enjoyed working when the kids were older and wished there were more childcare options. It is possible that your DH’s aunt actually want a career. Sometimes I feel like when people push issues, there is something else going on. But who knows.
@rachelsogo how insulting. I am livid and I'm not even involved. I remember on my first baby my husband went into the ultrasoind place with me for finding out the gender and he was soooo wanting a boy. He kept referring to it as he, him, etc. When we found out it was a girl, I saw the look on his face and he was devastated. The first thing he talked about when we left the ultrasound place was maybe doing PGS next time with IVF so we can choose the gender.... but then he met his daughter. They love each other so much, she has always been a "daddy's girl" and he just eats it up. When I was doing treatments this time, all he could go on aboit was hoping for another little girl. He was thrilled this time when I told him the NIPT results was a girl.
With all of this being said, I think there is something special between the father daughter bond. Your husband is rightfully excited and I hope those negative vibes from his family wear off soon.
I try not to meddle, but it would have been really hard for me not to come unglued on his father and brother foe those comments. You are definately stronger willed than I am
My BF is that one of my co-workers came into work sick this morning. Not just a basic sniffle type cold; the coughing uncontrollably, sniffling, can't really talk, looks like crap type sick. We work in a small space close to eachother. I already have bad allergies going. I do not need to get sick again. Thankfully, the VP came up and told him to put a mask on if he is going to be here. I understand we are all different and have other things going on, however, if you are this sick, please stay home. You are doing not only yourself a disservice, you are doing those around you a disservice.
Sending everyone hugs who have had a rough weekend.
@cseley321 If I had heard the comments firsthand I would've definitely said something back to them. DH did want a boy first, but seems very excited now that he knows it's a girl and has been reading things on the joys of raising a daughter and such. He knows he will absolutely love his little girl. I think he's just scared since he didn't have a sister or any girl cousins and has no clue about anything girl. He's also looking up ways to increase a chance on having a boy and says 'for the next one'.
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@rachelsogo I can completely commiserate with you. Most of my family was hoping for a boy because we already have all girls in this generation. I knew everyone would be disappointed and make comments behind our back but whatever. This weekend DH confessed that when he told his grandfather, his response was “you’ll just have to keep trying until you get it right” and then later “can you just turn it back in?” WTF?!?
Anyways, I have no advice.... people just suck sometimes.
@rachelsogo Wow. I would've been livid if someone did that to MH. How dare they ruin that moment for him! And ummm "man enough to produce a son?" I'm sorry but what year is it? The sex of the children a man fathers has no bearing on whether he's a "real man." And let's all remember that Henry VIII went through 6 wives because of trying to have a son (and then trying to have another son), and guess which of his kids turned out to be a total genius/badass? His daughter Elizabeth. Just sayin'. Next time your hubby gets heckled about having a girl, he should "joke" back that it's too bad they weren't "man enough" to produce badass daughters.
@paytonpedro feel better! I’m already noticing I’m getting sore and tired quickly.. Itll be a fun 18+ more weeks.
@SmashJam DS is a horrible sharer too, and he’s about the same age. I go to a play group with him once a week and spend about half of free time trying to get him to share, or at least not be so grabby and possessive. Still a work in progress, I’m hoping a sibling will help him lol.
@rachelsogo how rude! I’m sorry they said that. With DS everyone was rooting for a girl for us (mostly boy family) and when they heard I was having a boy I got more than one “there’s always next time!” Well meaning (I think?) but makes you wonder if they even think before talking.
@sm05-2 I’ve acrually had less energy since I hit 20 weeks, what kind of sick joke is this?!
@SmashJam - if I had to guess I would say the reason is two fold. First, the parent is taking the opportunity to show their kid how to share. Mostly though, I think it's more likely that they most people don't feel comfortable "disciplining" someone else's child. If I know the child, I will absolutely tell him/her that my DD is playing with that right now and they can wait a minute. But most of the time if I don't know the child I'll just ask DD to share and/or redirect her. If DD is doing the taking, I usually make her give the toy back and wait her turn (unless it's something like a slide and she's already headed down before I can intervene, then we talk about it for next time).
@cseley321 - check out the Shettles book "How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby". I was using it this time (although not to the letter) to try for a boy and that's what we got. Could be a coincidence!
@wildtot - you don't get the results live? omg I would be jumping out of my skin. @MichelleAG05 - my mother swears its all about timing before or after ovulation and speed of different gendered sperm and she chose to have a girl. Well I did all the things suggested for a boy when we were trying last time and have a beautiful daughter lol. This time we just pulled the goalie and let it go.
@gingerbride26 i did but it wasn’t for my own doctor. Something was seen in the heart and i want to follow up and ask my doctor what’s next. It’s a bit stressful not knowing and DH asking if baby will be ok.
Re: Monday B!tchfest 2/26
I'm 22 weeks pregnant as of this Tuesday and I work part time at a grocery store while I build up my private practice. Anyways I have two coworkers at the grocery store that at pregnant. one is 10 weeks farther than I am and the other one is about 4-5 weeks behind me. I am so fed up with the one due the month behind me. She constantly makes excuses to not do her work or to get to leave early, or just misses shifts. I work my butt off every shift while she sits and complains and slacks off. Ugh! I shouldn't have to do the work of 3 people to make up for her just so I can go home on time. today she had the nerve to try and ask me for my prescription migraine meds... thankfully they weren't on me but no way am I giving someone who I have zero idea of their medical history who is pregnant prescription meds!
edited because i can’t spell as usual
DS 11.8.12
Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
@lindsayleigh1989 I can see why that’s frustrating. I have a few coworkers who are the same but not pregnant. It’s frustrating because there’s some things I legitimately cannot do as it’s harmful to baby (I work in a vet clinic) and they’ll still be lazy enough to have the nerve to ask me to do it anyways. It has me wanting to go off work early for the sake of not getting so stressed out. Why should we be stressed at or everyday job. Not cool.
My major bitch today is that DH asked me not to share our gender reveal video with anyone yet. He had no reason other than "I would prefer to wait until Monday", but I secretly think it's because he's mad that I didn't take all of his advice for the project. I did take some of it, but he was being such a pill and purposefully not helping that I don't even think he noticed. We also got into a huge fight in the middle of it when DD got paint in her eye. I was over it, but just thinking about it all gets my BP up all over again!!!
Then we get inside the restaurant to dinner. Before I even get my coat off DH's "aunt" is asking me 1000 questions about my recent cardio issues - which neither DH or I told her about. This isn't just a caring/concerned "how are you feeling" - this is a Spanish Inquisition, ignoring multiple polite attempts to dismiss/downplay the issues and change the subject. The next big hot button issue was asking if I could go part time or quit my job when this baby came. Again, not a single indelicate question, it was asking/pushing the subject multiple times for over 20 min. Well can you afford to quit. Can't you just go part time. Well what if you downsize your house. Finally I just said sure we could do that - if we moved back to FL - did she want us to do that - well no of course not because she would never see the kids. All because she feels I should stay home to "raise" my children. Not once did she ever ask me if I WANTED to stay home. I've busted my butt getting a master's degree, certifications, and working my way up to management before I was 30, and i'm damn good at my job - pointing this out also didn't stop the line of questioning. Sure, there are days I would love to stay home with my kids and also take care of the things constantly falling through the cracks because DH and I both work too much - that kitchen would sure as hell be done by now. My mother was a SAHM, I have so much respect for SAHM, but I'm honest enough with myself that right now DD is getting way more out of daycare and interacting with other children and educational programs than she would home with just me and sibling. If we were in a position where daycare x2 was close to what I make, I'd stay home in a heartbeat, but I can better support my family by working. There were a bunch of other not as hot topics on everything from taxes to how we should have 4 more children (despite this being a frequent "discussion"). I was raised by a throwback 50's housewife- I try to be extremely polite and respectful but I was loosing it by the end of the dinner and my responses were getting more clipped and blunt. Where I was sat, I had no other conversation partners due to the shape of the table and placement (DD wasn't even nearby to concentrate on) so this was literally the entire dinner for me.
Me being me, I continued to internalize my call from my mother about being a crappy daughter/granddaughter and "aunt"'s opinions on how I could be a better wife and mother and ended up silently crying the whole hour drive home. DH and I talked about it the day after, apparently he couldn't hear any of what she was saying besides a few words here or there and had no idea how bad it had gotten. We agreed for the foreseeable future I am not to sit next to this aunt again and he needs to buffer. I know, I know, none of this was malicious and I should just be happy she seems to care about our family. Perfect storm of mom already taking a layer or two off my skin, 1-2 punch before I'd even sat down knocking me off balance, it all was more than I could handle for that one night.
Also - I need to find time between meetings to yell at Sears Outlet - bought a new fridge last Monday to replace the broken one, still waiting for my "next business day" call to confirm delivery!
whew, that was a lobg reply but I just wanted to say I have experianced some of what you are going through.
I swear if I have to make a payment so they don’t ding my credit I’m going to loooooose it.
Until after the party, DH told me that his dad and brother "joked" with him that he wasn't man enough to produce a son. The running thing is that there hasn't been a girl on their side of the family for many generations and everyone was convinced we'd be having a boy as well. DH told me their comments really affected him and kind of ruined the party/evening for him. He was telling me how happy he was that we are having a girl but he feels like his excitement is dampened because of what they said and how he thinks they're upset that it's not a boy.
His dad/brother can be such dicks and it pisses me off that they'd say something to him like that. He's a sensitive guy and can't brush things off easily, and I hate this that is getting to him so much.
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
As for me, I'm at work, it's lunchtime, and I'm already so fatigued. Day after day this happens to me, so I just try to get as much done before lunch as I can and then switch to somewhat easier tasks. I'm 21 weeks + 1...where is the energy of the second trimester that I was promised?
My BF...We went to the bounce house/open gym today at a local rec center. This happens often and I don't know why, but maybe some other moms who do this can give me some insight- DS is 2.5, so not a sharer. He's also home all day with me and while we go to events with other kids this is one where its a free for all and the toys are just out so he has to share objects and take turns. He will literally go up and take things from other kids and if I don't stop it (which I try and keep my distance at these events, but will intervene if something bad is happening) or get there in time, and the other parent almost always gives DS the toy he wants, sometimes out of her kids hands, and then takes the kid away. Sometimes the kids are the same age, sometimes they are younger. If our kids are the same age, I think this is teaching my kid that he will get what he wants if he just takes it, and teaches their kid that its ok for bigger kids to take things from them. Am I reading too much into this at this age? Am I wrong to expect the parents to tell my son to wait his turn if I don't make it their in time? It happens all the time!
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
DH will never fully "get it" because he's a man, so no one judges him or questions him (and let's be honest - his life practically hasn't changed since having kids) - hell he's considered a saint by many for changing diapers or working from home once in a while when DD is sick instead of me. I knew you ladies would "get it".
@rachelsogo congrats girl! I’m so sorry that such a special moment was ruined for your H. I’m glad he is happy. I feel like the opposite is true for me. Everyone around me is having girls and always says how awesome girls are and I’m worried that if I have a boy that they won’t care about him because he’s a boy. I would be happy with either, but part of me wants to feel important too. If they’re being dicks, take a step back. No sense in having people around yourhat make you feel like junk. Easier said than done with family.
@acunamatada hope it gets resolved quickly!
@gingerbride26 I’m so sorry! Malicious or not it’s hard to feel attacked. I’m glad your H is supportive and understands how hurt you were.
lindsayleigh1989 - thanks - it's only because I have no balls and am a doormat ;-) i shot it right back at my mother, but with DH's family i have a lot of problems speaking up
paytonpedro - I feel for you - I too have back problems before pregnancy and pregnancy doesn't help it. DH is also oblivious/stupid about it - it's like when you have chronic pain DH gets de-sensitized to it. Bringing him to the dr appointment where they said I needed to super cut back on activity seemed to help if you get to that point!
@rachelsogo - that is horrible, i'm so sorry. Family can be so horrible and people can't seem to just be happy for others, they need to bring their own drama. Plus is this freaking 16th century? It's a literal flip of a coin/timing thing people.
@kissableviv - fingers crossed.
With all of this being said, I think there is something special between the father daughter bond. Your husband is rightfully excited and I hope those negative vibes from his family wear off soon.
I try not to meddle, but it would have been really hard for me not to come unglued on his father and brother foe those comments. You are definately stronger willed than I am
Sending everyone hugs who have had a rough weekend.
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Anyways, I have no advice.... people just suck sometimes.
@SmashJam DS is a horrible sharer too, and he’s about the same age. I go to a play group with him once a week and spend about half of free time trying to get him to share, or at least not be so grabby and possessive. Still a work in progress, I’m hoping a sibling will help him lol.
@rachelsogo how rude! I’m sorry they said that. With DS everyone was rooting for a girl for us (mostly boy family) and when they heard I was having a boy I got more than one “there’s always next time!” Well meaning (I think?) but makes you wonder if they even think before talking.
@sm05-2 I’ve acrually had less energy since I hit 20 weeks, what kind of sick joke is this?!
@cseley321 - check out the Shettles book "How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby". I was using it this time (although not to the letter) to try for a boy and that's what we got. Could be a coincidence!
@MichelleAG05 - my mother swears its all about timing before or after ovulation and speed of different gendered sperm and she chose to have a girl. Well I did all the things suggested for a boy when we were trying last time and have a beautiful daughter lol. This time we just pulled the goalie and let it go.