People commenting on your uterus — The Bump
October 2018 Moms

People commenting on your uterus

I know this topic has been beat to death, but I am so so so sick of other people asking us when/telling us to have kids. My birthday was Saturday, and one of my aunts commented on a picture I posted on Facebook saying it's time to make my parents grandparents and our family isn't quite big enough yet, "surely I want to be the one who pushes them over the 50 member mark" and I got ENRAGED. I'm blaming hormones, but I literally had to slide my phone across the table to DH so I didn't go on a rant on Facebook. Sure, I'm approximately 5 weeks along with a pregnancy right now, but she doesn't know that because we haven't told anyone, and that's SO rude and none of her business! I know these people mean well, but I get so pissed about this. What if I, like so many others in this world, struggle with infertility? What if I lose this baby I'm carrying right now? What if I don't want kids because I'd be a horrible parent? 

I really wish I could have thought of something eloquent to tell her so she'd shut her mouth, but I decided to not respond at all. Gah why can't people just think?!

Re: People commenting on your uterus

  • I am so sorry you had to deal with that, @lynzev! That’s the worst. I feel like social media has only further exacerbated people’s inability to mind their own business and to realize that not every thought should be shared.
    Good for you for not responding. Maybe there is a time further down the road when you can softly help her see those other considerations that she failed to contemplate.
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  • kiwi2628 said:
    Yea, I used to shut that stuff down real quick. I would pull a Chrissy Teigan and let them know that actually I am infertile and they probably should stop saying that stuff/asking that stuff to women because while I can handle my shit, one day they may ask someone that when they just had another failed cycle and it will kill them just a little more. It usually put people in their place very fast, and my hope is that as more people become open about infertility, people will stop saying such things.
    This is exactly what I wanted to do, but stopped only because I didn't want to blast more of my personal business than she already had on social media. 
  • I know it’s of little consolation, but it does seem to be the older generation that seems to constantly push the baby-making agenda.  Hopefully that kind of rudeness dies off with them.  It’s easier said than done, but try not to let it bother you.  It’s tacky and rude, and you have every right to give a snarky comeback and move on.
    pebbledamashin121klpv415
  • @lynzev - I'm angry for you. My MIL has asked us so many times if we are going to have kids or not and we've been trying for the past year. One day, she asked on the wrong day after we found out that a friend of ours *TW just lost their surrogate and baby in a terrible car accident when she was about 7 months along end TW*. MH told her that she was being terribly insensitive and not everyone can have children and it's none of her business regardless. She's only asked one more time since then. So, I guess no matter what, it still might not fully sink in that it's not ok to ask if/when you're going to have babies.  :s
    Me: 29 | DH: 29
    Married 12/2016
    DSS born 01/2016
    TTC since 01/2017
    Letrozole + TI = BFP 01/30/2018 | EDD 10/11/2018
    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
    cirrra
  • bethica83bethica83 member
    edited February 2018
    Ugh I once told my mom she should just expect that I will not be having kids. This was years ago. Before I met my husband.

    She still dropped lots of hints for us. So did his dad.

    I seriously just stopped responding to their comments but they lit me up every time.

    Honestly the one person I am SUPER excited to tell is his mom. She has never said a peep about it and I know it kills her that her relationship with my one SIL who has a 1 year old son is not great and my SIL also lives a few states away so she hasn't even really seen him. I know we can't take that pain away from her but I hope she enjoys having a sorta nearby grandchild with a son who pursues a relationship with her (complicated family drama).
    pebbledam
  • Unfortunately, it doesn’t get better after you have one (at least for me). Then it’s, “when are you going to have another” or”don’t wait too long because blah blah blah”. Never mind the fact that your just trying to hold your PPA/PPD self above water and taking meds that aren’t pregnancy safe. 
    ashin121shortstack930
  • I remember about ten years ago, while I was still married, my Mom and I went to visit my great-aunt.  We’d been there about 45 minutes when she asked when I was planning to have kids, and my Mom had us hustled out in 2 minutes flat.

    I am still so grateful to my parents that they let me and my ex make our own decisions about parenthood.  In retrospect, having children with him would have been a disaster. 
  • My husband’s grandma used to say to me (every single time we saw her!) “You know, Jen, I'd really like to be a great-grandmother before I die”...
    I hated her.
    We went through 6 years of fertility treatments before having our first. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • The second I got married every one and their mother began asking and I always respond with not any time soon! Hoping they'd lay off but no...
  • krzyriverkrzyriver member
    edited February 2018
    I had so many, very public losses and people still asked when the next was coming within hours of DS being born. And they’re already like “One more if it’s another boy!” since I announced this pregnancy. I’m downright nasty in my response because I’ve never hidden any of my losses or my devastation.

    E will be 18 on July 24th
    Z was born October 16, 2016
    #3 Due October 9, 2018

    MC - November 29, 2012
    CP - November 15, 2014
    D&C for MMC - October 13, 2015




    princessandthegatorpebbledamDunkinDecaf
  • It's so crazy that people think they should have a say in when/if someone else has children. My MIL is constantly trying to bully my SIL into having kids and I feel so bad for her. If she wants to have kids in her late 30's then that's her business. If her and her husband decides not to have kids at all then that's their business. Every time someone asks when we are having more kids I tell them I don't know. Even now I would probably say the same thing. I don't usually lie, but the people I'm close to already know so anyone who is asking is just trying to be nosy.
  • @mrsmartinez16 Makes sense. I would keep it quiet if I could but I’m huge. Also, another loss means I’m done so honestly I was like “If something happens, EVERYONE will know.” Negative, but that’s kind of how I am with pregnancy. I don’t even show sonogram pictures anymore. “What do you think it is?!” It’s a baby and it’s healthy and that’s all I care about, go away. Lol

    E will be 18 on July 24th
    Z was born October 16, 2016
    #3 Due October 9, 2018

    MC - November 29, 2012
    CP - November 15, 2014
    D&C for MMC - October 13, 2015




    princessandthegatorsammierose464
  • THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORST! I would cry in my room after people who be like “oh come on Erin, you’ve been married a while now — get to it!” While I was secretly sticking myself with fertility meds and being monitoring every other day. :( 

    It def DOES NOT get better after you have one baby. In fact I found people got more aggressive. “You know you really want them to be close together.” “Your daughter deserves a sibling!!” I WANTED TO EXPLODE! 
    SawyerRichardsonpebbledamsammierose464
  • @mrsmartinez16 I'm not even planning to tell people beyond family members this time. I have maybe 5 friends who already know, but everyone else can figure it out when I'm showing a bump or when they hear it from someone else. Eventually it will probably be on social media, but not anytime soon. 
    princessandthegatorSawyerRichardsoncdepperschmidt
  • @acciocoffee That's exactly how I did it as well. People I cared about I told IRL and didn't post anything on social media until after she was born. I'll probably do it that way again this time.

    @estellegetty I agree that it gets way worse after your first one. 
  • Oh man. People constantly asked me when I was going to have my first and after my first, they asked when I was going to have my second. I just told them honestly that I just had a miscarriage or three in a row and that usually shuts them up. 
  • This is one of the reasons why we waited to get married for 6 years! We knew we wanted to travel and wait to have kids so by delaying getting married it helped some of the annoying questions! Luckily my MIL has always been great at not asking, she has only ever made one comment and it was jokingly after being together for 7 years saying " as long as I'm not in the home before you have kids!" She is 77 so she did have a point, but I'm glad she never pressured us. 
    Me 33 DH 41
    TTC since 2016
    Due: October 12, 2018
    Location: Ontario, Canada

    pebbledamnorahkate
  •  When I told my MIL I was pregnant this weekend, within 5 minutes she had asked when my brother and his wife were going to have babies  :| She doesn't even know her! So, not a comment about me, but it really annoyed me on her behalf. 
  • drurose said:
     When I told my MIL I was pregnant this weekend, within 5 minutes she had asked when my brother and his wife were going to have babies  :| She doesn't even know her! So, not a comment about me, but it really annoyed me on her behalf. 
    This happened to me in reverse. At Christmas, DH's cousin announced they were expecting. The whole family went from super excited for them to telling me and DH we need to hurry up. I had MC 2 weeks before that. Talk about sucky timing. 
  • My husband had a vasectomy with his ex-wife. Shortly after his divorce, his dad goes "You know you can get that shit reversed, right?". Yeah, for $5k... We ended up deciding too, but it was a very personal decision we went back and forth on for a while. Thankfully, when they found out we were doing it, they were really supportive and let us borrow money to pay for it since insurance doesn't cover it. 

    I can't even imagine what some of you ladies have been through. With my PCOS and my husband's reversal, I knew our chances were skewed. However, it was fairly easy. My heart goes out to those of you who have had to fight tooth and nail for your little ones.  <3
    SawyerRichardsonnorahkateashin121estellegetty
  • I think our friends have been worse than my mother or MIL. They all have kids and we are the last ones to start our family. I resorted to asking them if they were pregnant every time they asked me if I was...no matter if they were male or female! They very quickly learned to leave me alone!
    pebbledammeggymeashin121halfanewt
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