So i had my appointments all planned for Friday and too the day off. My OB and Anatomy scan were super early in the AM with enough time to take DS to his first dentist appointment that afternoon. Well my anatomy scan had to be moved to the afternoon now and now i have to figure out this dentist thing again. Not to mention my ob and anatomy scan are in the same building so now i have to drive there twice! I had rearranging appointments!
My step mom was very adamant on throwing me a baby shower - which is fine. However, she wanted to start planning in January.. 6 months out! My MIL believes the moms shouldn't throw the shower so they can sit back and enjoy it with their daughter - that's also fine. So, step mom finally got around to texting my MIL to ask if she wanted to be involved. MIL responded by saying "my family is going to throw her a shower. You can let us know everyone you want to invite and they will take care of it, moms aren't supposed to worry about those kinds of things" So, she was probably coming from a good place, but all my 'parents' are children! Step mom is now like oh "MY FAMILY". If they want to throw one then they can and we'll throw you a small one. Ugh. Can we be adults for a moment, please? Now I'm playing phone tag with all of them to try and figure out what the heck is going on. Sorry for the long post.
@wildtot that’s so frustrating! I’m sure it will take a while to reschedule the dentist- but call anyway because you never know! Sorry you have to go there twice that is super frustrating!
@gspmom21 That’s crazy! Your poor step mom just want to be involved- she is probably very excited- it’s nice that your MIL feels that way- but maybe your step mom has another opinion. Showers are such a touchy subject! But I’m sure we will all be having drama about our showers lol.
My sister in law wants to plan mine today(meaning like have it all planned already) - but my sister is super bossy and won’t do anything until she is ready- so my sister gets annoyed that my SIL texts her constantly about it, and my SIL gets annoyed that my sister “never feels like talking about it” and I’m over here like- how can I help push and not push. Is that my job? I don’t know lol. Then my mom calls me asking what the shower theme is- I’m like I don’t know- we haven’t even doing out what we are having yet? How can I possibly come up with a theme? I didn’t even know that was allowed. This is my first shower lol, I have only planned one- the theme was pretty easy to pick and we knew the mom would love it, her input was in the games, because she didn’t want any- and who was invited lol. So I’m stuck wondering do I need to do more than that? Do I back off?
Wow- I didn’t have a WTF but after reading yours I guess I got a little hormonal lmao!
WTF... closet. Getting dressed is a complete sh**show these days.
Me at home: ughhhh I need more maternity clothes, this is a disaster, it takes 30 minutes to get dressed because everything is either too small or too big... blahhhhhhh Me at work: ughhhh maternity clothes are so expensive, I'll just make do with the 3 dresses I already have at home
@gspmom21 reason was that they had some procedure to do that morning (not an OB office so not sure what procedure). At least i was the first to be rescheduled. Dentist was scheduled but I was try to do the same day because i had already asked for it off. But them as DH saw my frustration calling around and he finally stepped up saying he can schedule it for a day in March he has off. So it’s moved down two weeks now. But sucks i have an early am appointment and then like 5 hours later another at the same building.
@catftm2018 So, my first shower too and I've only been to 3... so I don't know how they're suppose to go either. I would assume we come up with theme. People will buy stuff that you could use to decorate the nursery and maybe clothes and other things would fit your style and the direction of how you want DD or DS to look like.
I was having the same situation too! It's aggravating for people who stress they want to be involved but then are lazy about it. Granted, I know it's early, but if other people are trying to get the ball rolling to ease the process you (being the people wanting to help) have to help them! Since its your sister you might be able to talk to her and not be too afraid to hurt her feelings.
Of course my step mom was like oh it's going to be a 'her family' 'my family' thing and I don't need all that drama! They've never had issues in the past, so we don't need to start now. I'm waiting for a call back from MIL. I'm going to ask what she has planned, if anything and let her know while it's not 'standard' my step mom wants to be involved so she's going to do that to help out. Blah.
WTF... closet. Getting dressed is a complete sh**show these days.
Me at home: ughhhh I need more maternity clothes, this is a disaster, it takes 30 minutes to get dressed because everything is either too small or too big... blahhhhhhh Me at work: ughhhh maternity clothes are so expensive, I'll just make do with the 3 dresses I already have at home
WTF... closet. Getting dressed is a complete sh**show these days.
Me at home: ughhhh I need more maternity clothes, this is a disaster, it takes 30 minutes to get dressed because everything is either too small or too big... blahhhhhhh Me at work: ughhhh maternity clothes are so expensive, I'll just make do with the 3 dresses I already have at home
REPEAT CYCLE EVERY DAY
This is so me. Baby #3 and for sure our last. All my maternity clothes has been through 2 pregnancies and has been lent to friends so it's super run down but I can't justify getting new stuff that I'll only wear this one time...
@lelo2006 same issue! I went and spend $150 on two pairs of work pants, one pair of blue jeans and a shirt. What the heck! Why does it have to be so expensive. I'd rather just repeat clothes then pay all that money.
I don't know what she's doing! I'm waiting to talk to her on the phone to see where she's coming from with all this.
WTF... closet. Getting dressed is a complete sh**show these days.
Me at home: ughhhh I need more maternity clothes, this is a disaster, it takes 30 minutes to get dressed because everything is either too small or too big... blahhhhhhh Me at work: ughhhh maternity clothes are so expensive, I'll just make do with the 3 dresses I already have at home
REPEAT CYCLE EVERY DAY
Spot on! Also me: buys a dress on pinkblush after vowing to make due with what's in the closet already...
@wildtot that's aggravating for them since you've had this planned and it's an exciting appointment! I'm glad that DH volunteered to bring DS so you wont have to take off again, and he won't have to wait long before seeing the dentist. Hopefully you find some way to waste time in between your appointments today... you can always go to Target, who doesn't love Target! (that would be a huge UO)
This is why I don't fully understand showers. They always cause some kind of drama! My issue is that my BFF is in FL and she was dead set on planning it but it looks like the dates DH and I have picked don't align with when she was going to travel here. I'm really sad but I totally understand, I just hope she won't be too bummed out. She said she thought I was having it in April but DH has a conference, and we have classes on 2 weekends so we opted for May. I want ZERO games at the shower so I know that's definitely not happening, haha
kissableviv I also broke down and bought 2 wrap dresses from Ingrid and Isabel today. They were only $50 each which isn't that bad, IMO. I MIGHT be able to wear them postpartum, too. What did you buy???
Part of my issue is I need to put away all the clothing I am not going to wear for the next 9 months (including maternity leave) because it just distracts me. Maybe a project for the weekend
@gspmom21 Ugh that's so annoying. I put the kabosh on what could have lead to drama, and probably still will. My mom wants to throw the shower, and I'm OK with that. Then my step-mom asked if she could throw a shower as well for all her friends, (she tried doing the same for my bridal shower). I said "nope! let's just do one big one. My mom's house is big enough for everyone to fit. We'll make sure all your friends will be invited and you can help my mom if needed." They try to make the showers about themselves and I feel like you just need to be up front with everyone and tell them what you want.
@Lelo2006 SAME! I think I'm going to spend some money on a nice pair of jeans and bra, and then go to the discount stores like Ross, TJ Maxx and such to find other clothes. It's just too expensive!
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@Lelo2006 Putting away the things I won't wear for a while has been on my list too. I was supposed to do it Monday because our office was closed, but somehow I did something else all day and now all these things that don't fit are staring at me. Also, I really cannot account for my day on Monday, so I'm not sure why I didn't just get it done. lol.
@Lelo2006@noideawhatshesdoing do it! I even out away all the bras even though who knows if I'll ever wear them again lol. It's life changing. It was taking me forever to get dressed, and since I still teach classes at the gym I also had to go through all the workout clothes.
I definitely bought a couple of large size regular clothing at Ross and the likes, the majority of my tops still fit, it's the pants, skirts and dresses that are mostly small now.
I feel like I don’t have enough things to complain about lately... So unlike me lol. I made these reeeeeally good chocolate banana peanut butter protein pancakes this morning but now it’s all I can smell and it’s overwhelmingly chocolatey. I’ve cleaned the kitchen and I’m in the living room but I still smell them?! I’m either going crazy or DS hid one somewhere- but I don’t see how the dog wouldn’t have found it.
WTF... closet. Getting dressed is a complete sh**show these days.
Me at home: ughhhh I need more maternity clothes, this is a disaster, it takes 30 minutes to get dressed because everything is either too small or too big... blahhhhhhh Me at work: ughhhh maternity clothes are so expensive, I'll just make do with the 3 dresses I already have at home
REPEAT CYCLE EVERY DAY
Saaaaame. Luckily I’m a SAHM so most of my days are spent in PJs and leggings. If I had to regularly wear real clothes I’d lose my mind. I can’t justify buying winter mat clothes when I’ll be huge in summer and already have maxi dresses from my last July baby. I just popped so much sooner this time!
My WTF is that I was supposed to have an OB appointment, but the clinic closed early yesterday and opened late today because of weather, so now my appointment is rescheduled until next Tuesday. Boo! I so hate this weather!
At the same time the weather meant DH is working from home and he totally just saved me from accidentally finding out if we're having a boy or girl. The report from our anatomy scan popped up in my chart today, so at lunch we decided to look at it. Didn't even think about the gender being on the report! DH saw that before I could and stopped me. Funny how hard it is to not find out what you're having when you don't want to know! He's known since before Christmas and has been amazing at not spoiling the surprise.
@lelo2006 same issue! I went and spend $150 on two pairs of work pants, one pair of blue jeans and a shirt. What the heck! Why does it have to be so expensive. I'd rather just repeat clothes then pay all that money.
This is totally me. Last Friday as I was getting dressed I wondered to myself if anyone would notice if I wore the EXACT same outfit to work as I did on Monday. It had been washed, so it’s not that bad right? It’s just that my winter options are so limited, and I can’t bring myself to buy any when it will be warm in just another couple weeks or so.
We currently live with my mom, step dad, sister, and 8 y/o niece...when my mom wants to go out to dinner she never invites me or dh. However she is always inviting my sister and niece. So tonight I'm upstairs in my room and get a call from sister. She asked me if i want the chicken wings that still need to be cooked. I said no why. She proceeds to tell me that my parents are going out to dinner. Okay, whatever. So I ask sister what she is going to do for dinner since they are going out. She says oh, we're going with them. You can come too. I told her, no thanks. Mom didn't invite me. As she hung up, she says to my mom, "she's butt hurt you didn't invite her". WTF sister!?!!? Seriously, I feel like I'm a teenager again. It's a constant 2nd hand invite. Never from my mom. Then when I texted my sister to call her out, she goes: well you are butt hurt. You could have come. So I tell her that, yeah it hurts because it's always a 2nd hand invite however she wouldn't understand because our mom always takes her and niece everywhere.
Sorry, this sounds like a bratty rant. However, what the actual fuck!?!? Ugh...Im not able to express this to my mom because she just pulls the, "I'm sorry you feel that way".
@zombiehoohaa ugh that sucks I’m sorry for that drama. I had similar issues with some of my cousins but done with that after moving. My sister and parents still deals with it and it’s been causing drama during the holidays recently. But let me ask, could it be that your mom thinks you want to be left alone or don’t have the time? Not making excuses for her because it’s still terrible, but sometimes people don’t invite because of some unverified impression they have. Regardless your sister wasn’t much help with the situation, not her business.
@catftm2018 So, my first shower too and I've only been to 3... so I don't know how they're suppose to go either. I would assume we come up with theme. People will buy stuff that you could use to decorate the nursery and maybe clothes and other things would fit your style and the direction of how you want DD or DS to look like.
I hate to sound like a negative nancy - but I kind of feel like Kristoff in Frozen and need to warn Olaf about summer.... You are correct this is what showers SHOULD be like - but like others have said, often other women in our lives make these moments about THEM and not YOU, and from my experience at showers (mine, others, and my last BMB) - the decoration stuff, yes, that will probably be the things you register for and fit with the theme of your nursery, BUT you are more likely to get a LOT of clothes that fit the giver's style and have nothing to do with yours. You are also likely to get a bunch of items from well-meaning older family members who think they know better what you need and don't count on the "big ticket items" getting purchased off the registry. I can't tell you how many blankets are still unopened/unused in nursery closets upstairs because all the family matrons insisted you cannot have enough blankets. Baby showers are rough - at least at bridal showers you can smile and nod through the drama champagne.
Really sorry about all the drama you're going through - I totally get it, my shower was a complete cluster - my MIL made it about her and made me feel like crap and no one from my family came. I'm still hoping for rainbows and sunshine for all you ladies, I just don't want any FTM's getting completely shattered or screwed when they didn't budget for the necessities because they assumed they'd get it at a shower or family really gets them down. (sorry for the book)
I just don't want any FTM's getting completely shattered or screwed when they didn't budget for the necessities because they assumed they'd get it at a shower or family
This situation always confuses me, women pissed off or in tears because people didn't buy them the big ticket items from their registry. It seriously blows my mind, are we not the ones responsible for furnishing out kids' rooms and getting the baby stuff we need/want? Maybe I'm crazy but I always considered it mine and my husband's responsibility to provide for our family.
My mom is hosting my shower, no way to stop her so I didn't fight it. But my BFF is co-hosting/planning it with her. It's been interesting because BFF and I are on a break and I haven't spoken to her in a week or so. Don't want a shower anyway, but it's unavoidable. We've already purchased the big ticket items ourselves because we're very particular in design and didn't want to count on anyone else for it or burden anyone that might feel an obligation. I'm prepared to receive things that will be useless to our home, like 16 million blankets.
@runsomewhere - oh no, I completely agree - and for the record DH and I both had planned to buy everything ourselves with our first (and mostly did) and honestly if I could have skipped the whole shower thing I would have. Sorry if I was unclear - DD was up screaming all night again and I'm a fuzzy zombie today not thinking straight.. And I didn't take @gspmom21 or @catftm2018 to be thinking that way at all! So I hope neither of you think I did. I've just, as you also said, seen it over and over in past BMB and wanted to say it upfront. But I was more trying to come from the side that, yes it should be about the mom-to-be, but often it is about everyone else and a marathon to get through. I do think it's normal/acceptable though to be disapointed if you get a thousand onsies you secretly think are fugly and feel your friends/family don't know you at all - let's be honest about that. You can be grateful for a gesture without loving the item - we are human. I also don't understand people who give gifts and then are really up in arms if they don't see their outfit/blanket/whatever in use on facebook - but that's not just about babies, weddings/birthdays/housewarmings all have it to.
@wildtot My mom actually came into my room when they got back from dinner and asked why I didn't go. I explained to her why (started crying because...hormones). She told me that if I were in the room when she said it, I would have known it was an open invitation. She then tells me that she has a lot of on her mind with my step-dad having dementia and blah blah blah. Dealing with my step-dad is a job in itself, I understand that. However, she couldn't validate where I was coming from and how my sister made it worse. My mom also went into how she was raised and her biological mom telling her how if she wants to eat, then show up, if you don't want to eat, then don't show up. It's a pretty careless comment.
@gingerbride26 No, I didn't think you were saying that at all! Sorry if I made it sound like that was directed at you. I quoted your post because it sparked the idea/conversation.
@zombiehoohaa glad you at least got to share your feelings despite the lack of appropriate response. I agree her comment makes no sense and sad she’s not willing to change how she acts with her own daughter despite how she grew up. I’m sorry, it’s such a poopy situation.
Re: WTF Wednesday
So i had my appointments all planned for Friday and too the day off. My OB and Anatomy scan were super early in the AM with enough time to take DS to his first dentist appointment that afternoon. Well my anatomy scan had to be moved to the afternoon now and now i have to figure out this dentist thing again. Not to mention my ob and anatomy scan are in the same building so now i have to drive there twice! I had rearranging appointments!
My step mom was very adamant on throwing me a baby shower - which is fine. However, she wanted to start planning in January.. 6 months out! My MIL believes the moms shouldn't throw the shower so they can sit back and enjoy it with their daughter - that's also fine. So, step mom finally got around to texting my MIL to ask if she wanted to be involved. MIL responded by saying "my family is going to throw her a shower. You can let us know everyone you want to invite and they will take care of it, moms aren't supposed to worry about those kinds of things" So, she was probably coming from a good place, but all my 'parents' are children! Step mom is now like oh "MY FAMILY". If they want to throw one then they can and we'll throw you a small one. Ugh. Can we be adults for a moment, please? Now I'm playing phone tag with all of them to try and figure out what the heck is going on.
Sorry for the long post.
@gspmom21 That’s crazy! Your poor step mom just want to be involved- she is probably very excited- it’s nice that your MIL feels that way- but maybe your step mom has another opinion. Showers are such a touchy subject!
But I’m sure we will all be having drama about our showers lol.
My sister in law wants to plan mine today(meaning like have it all planned already) - but my sister is super bossy and won’t do anything until she is ready- so my sister gets annoyed that my SIL texts her constantly about it, and my SIL gets annoyed that my sister “never feels like talking about it” and I’m over here like- how can I help push and not push. Is that my job? I don’t know lol. Then my mom calls me asking what the shower theme is- I’m like I don’t know- we haven’t even doing out what we are having yet? How can I possibly come up with a theme? I didn’t even know that was allowed. This is my first shower lol, I have only planned one- the theme was pretty easy to pick and we knew the mom would love it, her input was in the games, because she didn’t want any- and who was invited lol. So I’m stuck wondering do I need to do more than that? Do I back off?
Wow- I didn’t have a WTF but after reading yours I guess I got a little hormonal lmao!
Me at home: ughhhh I need more maternity clothes, this is a disaster, it takes 30 minutes to get dressed because everything is either too small or too big... blahhhhhhh
Me at work: ughhhh maternity clothes are so expensive, I'll just make do with the 3 dresses I already have at home
REPEAT CYCLE EVERY DAY
@catftm2018 So, my first shower too and I've only been to 3... so I don't know how they're suppose to go either. I would assume we come up with theme. People will buy stuff that you could use to decorate the nursery and maybe clothes and other things would fit your style and the direction of how you want DD or DS to look like.
I was having the same situation too! It's aggravating for people who stress they want to be involved but then are lazy about it. Granted, I know it's early, but if other people are trying to get the ball rolling to ease the process you (being the people wanting to help) have to help them! Since its your sister you might be able to talk to her and not be too afraid to hurt her feelings.
Of course my step mom was like oh it's going to be a 'her family' 'my family' thing and I don't need all that drama! They've never had issues in the past, so we don't need to start now. I'm waiting for a call back from MIL. I'm going to ask what she has planned, if anything and let her know while it's not 'standard' my step mom wants to be involved so she's going to do that to help out. Blah.
@lelo2006 same issue! I went and spend $150 on two pairs of work pants, one pair of blue jeans and a shirt. What the heck! Why does it have to be so expensive. I'd rather just repeat clothes then pay all that money.
I don't know what she's doing! I'm waiting to talk to her on the phone to see where she's coming from with all this.
Part of my issue is I need to put away all the clothing I am not going to wear for the next 9 months (including maternity leave) because it just distracts me. Maybe a project for the weekend
@Lelo2006 SAME! I think I'm going to spend some money on a nice pair of jeans and bra, and then go to the discount stores like Ross, TJ Maxx and such to find other clothes. It's just too expensive!
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
I definitely bought a couple of large size regular clothing at Ross and the likes, the majority of my tops still fit, it's the pants, skirts and dresses that are mostly small now.
I made these reeeeeally good chocolate banana peanut butter protein pancakes this morning but now it’s all I can smell and it’s overwhelmingly chocolatey. I’ve cleaned the kitchen and I’m in the living room but I still smell them?! I’m either going crazy or DS hid one somewhere- but I don’t see how the dog wouldn’t have found it.
Saaaaame. Luckily I’m a SAHM so most of my days are spent in PJs and leggings. If I had to regularly wear real clothes I’d lose my mind. I can’t justify buying winter mat clothes when I’ll be huge in summer and already have maxi dresses from my last July baby. I just popped so much sooner this time!
At the same time the weather meant DH is working from home and he totally just saved me from accidentally finding out if we're having a boy or girl. The report from our anatomy scan popped up in my chart today, so at lunch we decided to look at it. Didn't even think about the gender being on the report! DH saw that before I could and stopped me. Funny how hard it is to not find out what you're having when you don't want to know! He's known since before Christmas and has been amazing at not spoiling the surprise.
Sorry, this sounds like a bratty rant. However, what the actual fuck!?!? Ugh...Im not able to express this to my mom because she just pulls the, "I'm sorry you feel that way".
Really sorry about all the drama you're going through - I totally get it, my shower was a complete cluster - my MIL made it about her and made me feel like crap and no one from my family came. I'm still hoping for rainbows and sunshine for all you ladies, I just don't want any FTM's getting completely shattered or screwed when they didn't budget for the necessities because they assumed they'd get it at a shower or family really gets them down. (sorry for the book)
I've just, as you also said, seen it over and over in past BMB and wanted to say it upfront. But I was more trying to come from the side that, yes it should be about the mom-to-be, but often it is about everyone else and a marathon to get through. I do think it's normal/acceptable though to be disapointed if you get a thousand onsies you secretly think are fugly and feel your friends/family don't know you at all - let's be honest about that. You can be grateful for a gesture without loving the item - we are human. I also don't understand people who give gifts and then are really up in arms if they don't see their outfit/blanket/whatever in use on facebook - but that's not just about babies, weddings/birthdays/housewarmings all have it to.
@wildtot My mom actually came into my room when they got back from dinner and asked why I didn't go. I explained to her why (started crying because...hormones). She told me that if I were in the room when she said it, I would have known it was an open invitation. She then tells me that she has a lot of on her mind with my step-dad having dementia and blah blah blah. Dealing with my step-dad is a job in itself, I understand that. However, she couldn't validate where I was coming from and how my sister made it worse. My mom also went into how she was raised and her biological mom telling her how if she wants to eat, then show up, if you don't want to eat, then don't show up. It's a pretty careless comment.