APRIL FET

alcnyc

@dragonette505 love and basketball!! fantastic throwback haha. they haven't told me a date for FET, so going to ask my doctor for her thoughts on Wednesday because the uncertainty is killing me.

J1006

@mcgeeva. What gauge needle did they give you?  I did my own over the weekend and I sat down and turned to do it. My nurse drew two circles on me for the target areas. I can see enough behind me to get in the circle.  I didn’t dart. Just put it in at a relatively quick speed but I wouldn’t say super fast. 

alcnyc

Wow she is a total bad ass. I gave myself lovenox for three years and she is insanely better at giving injections. Those vids were really helpful, thanks for sharing @dragonette505

sjtsm1919

@kristimh80 sending hugs!

 

@funkykey I agree with you 100%.  I kind of force myself to feel excited but I can’t help it.  After so many disappointments its so hard and I am the kind of person that tries to see the bright side to everything and I really believe that positive thinking brings positive results.  I have been meditating and found in youtube a few Positive Thinking guided meditation…most of the time I fell asleep in the first 3 minutes but I think it has to do something.

 

Congrats to the nice BETA owners! And good luck with this week’s appointments to all.

 

AFM, Last week I started increasing the patches and all the side effects are kicking in big time!! I feel sooooo bloated!! like AF day 1 feeling…headaches every single day (manageable with tylenol though) and 2 perfectly rounded red huge pimples, one in my nose and one in my neck.  This morning at the acupuncture appointment she said that is too much estrogen and no progesterone, so a few more days and hopefully all goes well on my Friday monitoring and I can’t believe I am saying this, but looking at PIO shots to balance everything.

mcgeeva

J1006 said:

@mcgeeva. What gauge needle did they give you?  I did my own over the weekend and I sat down and turned to do it. My nurse drew two circles on me for the target areas. I can see enough behind me to get in the circle.  I didn’t dart. Just put it in at a relatively quick speed but I wouldn’t say super fast. 

dragonette505 said:

mcgeeva  lol... I know! I also think my hand may not be as steady as that girl... the way she darted that in! lol

dragonette505 said:

mcgeeva  lol... I know! I also think my hand may not be as steady as that girl... the way she darted that in! lol

They gave me a 22G but since I had all my needles together from other shots I assumed I could use the little one. Nope!

dragonette505

alcnyc  Yeah... I like to watch all the feel good stuff on transfer day... nothing stressful or sad! Fingers crossed they can give you a day soon... I hope I will have to give myself one of these PIO shots and so watching these vids gives me some inspiration!
mama2b1974 yeah, the phase of doing the estrogen can feel really long. I agree... I'm just glad to be using the progesterone so I can move this thing along!
mcgeeva  after your experience I definitely checked my needle size like 3 times! BTW how are you feeling? Last year with my FET I had also triggered, so when I started the progesterone I totally felt PG (even before transfer). This time, no HCG so I don't really feel much different.

mcgeeva

@dragonette505 I am so flipping grumpy and emotional. My boobs don't hurt or anything yet. No trigger here but I think it's more the emotional roller coaster. I have a work event next weekend I need to prep for that I'm hosting and a shower coming up two sundays from now that is making me more heated. That 70 person shower - well the SIL backed out. So now stuck doing more and the mother of the mom to be is annoying as F. Saying we need to do gift baskets with gift cards etc for the winner of the diaper raffle. And guess who's paying for it?!! These people have no concept of other people's money. So need to keep calm but finding it hard. When I want to go off. Like please tell me what i need to do so I can move on. I also think I wont feel a bit relaxed till I know what's going on with my fluid issue tomorrow. How are you holding up?

dragonette505

mcgeeva  I cant believe you are dealing with all of that right now... I have cancelled all my social obligations until after the TWW (except one work event this Wednesday, but we are shutting down the office early and it starts at 4:30). I don't think I could emotionally manage dealing with a  baby shower right now! I'm doing ok... feeling better now that I'm done with the Lupron. I guess I expected more fireworks once I started the PIO... I'm def hungry and feeling a bit emotionally fragile, but I feel fragile anyway just dealing with this FET.
PS... I would be asking the family to put together a kitty to buy shower favors. I generally think its unfair for one person to shoulder the entire burden.

tosh24

@laurengon82 How are you holding up in the TWW? When is beta?

@mcgeeva Hold up, the SIL backed out????? Why? I can't believe you stuck with it after all the drama a while ago wrt shower size/cost. You are a way nicer person than I, my dear. Hell, I'm not even nice enough to go to a baby shower right now, let alone throw one and be subjected to a momzilla LOL!

mcgeeva

Girl I want to. I thought this would be easy but stupid bossy ass SIL drops out last minute after she barks all these orders. I just told the mother and best friend tell me exactly what I need to do bc I won't be responsive after tomorrow with getting ready for my FET, husband being out of town and getting ready for my work event this weekend. Don't need the stupid stress. I can't trying to keep it together. I bust out in tears at the shower two weeks ago bc my grandmother passed while I was there. So I left. Just curious..why did they have you on lupron? All these different protocols amaze me. Oh sadly there is so much shit for this shower what Im doing is nothing. And the mother just asked...we need to finalize food and sitting here praying she doesn't ask me for money for food since it was their rude ass idea to have 70 people.

dragonette505

mcgeeva  that shower makes me want to cry and I'm not even attending! My doc had me on lupron to suppress my ovaries. She likes to fully control the transfer cycle so no letting my ovaries develop any follies. It kinda sucked (even though it was microdose, Lupron can give you the experience of menopause, which thank goodness I didn't fully get).

mcgeeva

@dragonette505 that's so interesting! Yeah I can't imagine lupron sucks. My friend who had breast cancer is on that monthly for the rest of her life until she decides to have a hysterectomy. I can't imagine being on it all the time .

dragonette505

mcgeeva  yeah, shes probably on Lupron depot... ive seen people talk about that on youtube and it looks rough. The way I was taking it this time is different than the way they use it in an IVF cycle... during an ivf cycle you use it along with follistim or some other gonadotropin (which is causing follies to produce estrogen). This time, I did two weeks with just microdose Lupron until I started estrogen.

kristimh80

@mcgeeva Omg I totally forgot you had all these diva baby showers to do!! Maybe it's time for you to "quit" and be done. Give everything you have to the mother of your friend and just explain you have family and medical stuff going on and it's way to much to handle. If they get pissed, so be it. They seem like rude assholes, pardon my french. They cannot expect you to pay or solely plan for their extravagant lifestyle. They aren't the freaking Kardashians that need to have a wedding for a baby shower. Sorry, I'm so irritated on your behalf! 

alcnyc

@mcgeeva you're right, that isn't fair. too much on both your mind and your wallet. I would just straight up email them telling them the total of the $ breakdown, worded with the assumption they are helping. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that.

mcgeeva

yeah we shall see.... And with all that shit going on my psycho aunts are still starting shit about their will money...what these dumb asses don't get is my GRANDFATHER IS STILL ALIVE. Seriously where is Karma???

alcnyc

With all these negatives, I almost think your FET is guaranteed to go well. Right? These past few weeks must be to prepare you for that awesomeness.

mcgeeva

@alcnyc i hate to say it but if it doesn't I am going to need counseling. It was a such a bad past year between miscarriages, loss of family etc I am going to have a hard time seeing positive. I know people have had it rougher than me by far I just never learned I swear to cope with stress and im OLD!! I should have learned by now

madasm0530

@kristimh80 I started a blog because it was "therapeutic" but also to keep our family and friends updated. we're pretty open with everything and instead of a text from my mother in law everyday, i'd rather put it all out there! I highly recommend it as even a place to get your emotions out!

laurengon82

@tosh24 I’m hanging in there.  The tww is the worst!  I’m not feeling at all positive either.  My beta is Friday.  Trying to feel optimistic, but having a hard time.  I don’t think I’ll be taking any hpt’s just because I’m nervous for the outcome.  Your transfer is soon. Are you excited?

ndz2018

@mcgeeva You are a better person than me!! I can’t believe the audacity of that family on top of the fact you’re prepping for a FET! How can her SIL just drop out? sorry not for nothing but I think her family should be handling all this BS. There are maybe 2 friends i would do this for and even then their family would do most of the heavy lifting, I’d hope lol. Girl you can complain to us as much as you want! This is just nuts! Please put yourself and your priorities first! Try not to let this stress you out. Hoping your PIO goes smoothly when you H is away. Please take care of yourself you have been though a lot these last few weeks 

@dragonette505 T minus 3 days AHHH thank goodness the numbing thing worked! I got A box of lidocaine patches from my GP a few weeks ago in preparation!

@shae44 I’m on PIO and suppositories so I’ll feel your pain in a few weeks.

dragonette505

laurengon82  Friday is a lucky day, so don't you worry! I feel like the first half of the TWW youre riding high from the transfer and just feeling hopeful. But the moment you get around 5 or 6 dp5dt it all goes downhill and all you see are signs that you ARENT ktfu. 
ndz2018  YAY! And YES that numbing cream worked like a charm! I was so nervous and tense and I swore the cream didn't do anything. I felt the slightest poke and then nothing. I couldn't tell if he was still injecting me or if he was done! We used a heating pad to warm the syringe for a minute before and then used that heating pad on my injection site for about 10 minutes then massaged the area for a bit. SO far so good!

mcgeeva

@ndz2018 so long story short the SIL literally lost her damn mind. My friend did IUI after a year of trying. Her husband doesn't have enough sperm so unless it was done with IUI it would never happen. She got pregnant with twins and the SIL is better as F. Short story - the SIL tried and couldn't have kids. I can ONLY IMAGINE the pain wiht that. IT will never go away. But her best friend carried her eggs/husband's sperm for free and they had a baby girl. Now the best friend is doing it again for them. The SIL is a spoiled brat. Her parents pay for her house, the best friend watches the baby for free..totally not the norm yet she is pissy with my friend how dare her post she is pregnant as if it's natural. Then she didn't sign the kids bday card right. It's anything possible she could think of. So she backed out. @asshole if you ask me. Then she tells my friend that we aren't on the same page bc I've done different fertility treatments then my friend. Again all psycho. End of day..a good friend knows I cried when they told me they were pregnant bc I just had my second miscarriage and no never got pregnant for free or naturally but she gets that. I don't have to do the same to be compassionate. And I have gone above and beyond even for my shit friends (I may be changing this way of thinking ASAP) So clearly the SIL will always have issues with her having twins. 

Ew those suppositories...they still gross me out. Did those with my boys. The white crap that lasted forever ick. Forget not wearing a pad for a few months.  

ndz2018

@mcgeeva Girl that’s way too much drama! Try not to stress out over it, if it doesn’t fall into place it’s her family’s fault.. it sounds like you are going above and beyond to me.. please put yourself first! Id hate to see you stressed out over this going into your FET. 

@dragonette505 Ok,
heating pad CHECK,
lidocaine patches CHECK,
tennis ball to massage the area CHECK  

anything else I need to prep for my PIOs ladies ?

dragonette505

ndz2018  are you doing it yourself or your DH? 
AFM: UPDATE I've def started to feel the impact of the progesterone... so weird... I'd have thought I would feel it right away, but throughout the day ive started feeling its impact

artemis618

Oh my goodness, you ladies have been so busy!

@dragonette505 Good plan to get your Netflix list in order.  DH and I had a mild post-transfer disagreement regarding what to watch after this last one.  After November’s transfer, I made him sit down and watch the “feature” (the 20-min deal) of our wedding video (he’d only seen the highlights one before) before we tried to find funny stuff to watch.  Actually, in our ceremony there was a funny moment I hadn’t noticed before because our officiant snuck a well-timed non-verbal reference in (she went to law school where DH went to undergrad - we are a house divided).  Does “feeling” progesterone mean sleepy to you?  I barely made it through a compliance training session this afternoon (awake)....zzz...

@mcgeeva I have no words.  But I’m thinking of you. Deep breaths and prioritize your needs at this time!

I’m so annoyed I missed the call because I was away from my desk washing my dishes from lunch.  But my second beta came back at 231 (from Saturday’s 67, for reference).  So next appointment’s next Tuesday to check out her location!

alfieb-2

@mcgeeva You definitely have gone above and beyond. Please do put yourself first and do not stress going into your FET. Make yourself and your embaby your number one priority. 

@dragonette505 Yay for the progesterone working. That’s the silver lining. But I know its side effects can be bad. 

@artemis618 So happy for you!!! 

ndz2018

@dragonette505 My H will be doing them, unless he is away for work(as of now He should be around) then I’ll have to muster up the guts to do them myself. 

@artemis618 YAY!!!

tosh24

@mcgeeva You are a great friend and have gone above and beyond for sure. It is OK to be selfish right now and prioritize yourself going into your FET and in your TWW.

@artemis618 YEEEESSSSSS!!!! Such great news!!!! Do you have a 3rd beta or is it u/s next?

artemis618

Thanks so much @alfieb-2 @ndz2018 @tosh24!

I especially appreciate this because DH’s birthday/*TW* the anniversary of our first little girl’s due date is tomorrow.

I don’t get a third beta, @tosh24.  U/S is the next thing for me - hopefully we’ll see the sac and yolk sac in the right place!

funkykey

@artemis618 - awesome news!!

@kristimh80 - I don't blog about this, but I read other blogs sometimes, and some of them are so good and have been so helpful to me at my darkest moments. But they're super personal.

@dragonette505 - I love You've Got Mail.

@mcgeeva - ugh, I can't handle any of that kind of petty BS. Good luck, but at this point, if you lose it, it will be well justified.

AFM: I am feeling really down about this transfer, like just dreading it. I cannot even imagine getting a positive. I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do - PIOs and suppositories and taking the pills. I have all the side-effects. But I keep thinking that maybe my lining isn't fluffy enough, and being paranoid that maybe the pills aren't working because this time I have a follicle. I dunno.

Keeping FX for us all.

ETA: here's the link to the sheet again: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1LCDQmtyJl-uQuRvjmxEsla2oSB1SmntL3JIFK4o0_3w/edit#gid=0

dragonette505

@artemis618 YAAAAAAY! Such a great second beta!! Definitely sleepy, but also hungry and a bit of boob sensitivity . Can’t wait to hear about your US! 
@alfieb-2 yeah... it’s all for a good cause
@ndz2018 yeah, I hope to need to learn to do these shots, but for now it’s all my hubs!

tosh24

@funkykey I know exactly how you're feeling. My mind wants to daydream about bouncing a little baby around, but at this point, I feel like everything points to it not happening and I can't even visualize a BFP, or myself big and pregnant, or actually caring for a baby. It's like those visions are gone. I felt so positive early on and those positive thoughts got me through because there were always more treatments that could be done, but now? WTH is left? We won't be going the surrogate route (unless we win the lottery) or the donor route, so if this doesn't work, that's it. I don't know if it's truly a gut feeling or if it's my subconscious just protecting me so I don't fall so hard if it fails. Ugh....I wish neither of us were in this position. Sometimes, just going through the motions is enough. I don't know that I have it in me to be overly positive, but I'm trying not to be negative. Just neutral, I guess. I was listening to CBC radio last year and they had a segment on miscarriage and an essay was read by someone whose baby had a "not compatible with life" diagnosis in utero. She said something that really resonated with me and I searched the web frantically when I got home to find a text version of the essay. Although she is speaking about her loss, she does mention IVF and I think she is spot on:

**TW** loss

"It's hard to be called fatalistic by someone who's never had something die inside of them. But it made me realize that getting pregnant, or even trying to get pregnant, after pregnancy loss - after miscarriage or genetically anomaly or stillbirth - or a failed round of IVF is probably the most optimistic act there is. I see women and their partners do it and I marvel at their strength. At the knowledge, deep seated, that the desire to create life and nurture it is worth the fear, worth the pain, worth the stress and terror of wondering whether all of this will happen again".

The fact that you are still pushing forward regardless of the fear and pain, is an optimistic act. I have to remind myself that the mere act of cycling again is hope enough sometimes. It really, really is. Try not to beat yourself up for dreading transfer. You've been through a lot of heartbreak. We all have. I love this group because sometimes when you just can't muster up enough hope and positivity, there are ladies here who have it for you and carry you through

mayflower513

Omg yay @artemis!! Can’t wait til your us!!

I’m sorry for all the negative things in your life @mcgeeva and to everyone struggling to stay positive.  I hope things turn around!

laurengon82

@dragonette505 that is exactly how I feel.  Praying your right and Friday is lucky for both of us!

@artemis618 congrats on your great beta!

@mcgeeva sorry to hear you are so stressed out.  You have had so much going on lately.  

@kristimh80 I think starting a blog would be a great idea.  I do watch a bunch of video blogs on YouTube.

@ndz2018 how are you doing?  What meds are you on now?

AFM, I am soo tired all the time!  I can’t figure out if it’s the progesterone or estrogen.  Ugh!  Just so sleepy.  

dragonette505

@funkykey @tosh24 I can relate to all of this. I’m trying to remember that protecting myself won’t make it hurt less. I want so much to transfer these embies into an optimistic lady, so that’s gotta be me. At the same time, having doubts WILL NOT impact the success of the transfer. I say do whatever you have to to get through each day.
i went to a meditation class today and the first thing the teacher said struck me the most: everything that’s going to happen in the future will happen. Right now at this very moment you’re not responsible for that. All you have to do is get through today. It was so nice for 30 minutes to not be obsessing over this transfer.
@funkykey my lining always sucks, but it is what it is. I’m doing this. So are you. Your lining will be good enough. You can do this!
@tosh24 hell yeah! What a great quote. So true! 
Girls... we will hold each other together... 

dragonette505

@laurengon82 I’m guessing progesterone (and hoping it’s that embie!) lol

laurengon82

@tosh24 that quote is so spot on to everything I’m feeling.  It is such a beautiful quote.  I definitely feel with this cycle I’m just going through the motions like a couple of you ladies have mentioned.  I am grateful for the encouragement from all you ladies throughout this process.

kristimh80

@funkykey @tosh24 Sending creepy internet hugs to you both!! I totally understand this feeling! Even going into treatments, I always try to be hopefully and excited but there's always that nagging voice in the back of my head. But DH is also so positive and pissy at me for not being more excited. After you've been told no so long...it's like we become robots and start going thru the motions of it all. Try not to over-think it all and just be in the moment for now. I'll be here being the supportive annoying friend having hope for you ladies!! Like @dragonette505 said...no matter how we feel, etc will not affect anything that is going to happen. Some times I feel like its not a bad idea to live in your own little bubble and daydream of what could be

 @artemis618 I think I've told you already. But I'm super excited for you!! When is your ultrasound day?

ndz2018

@funkykey I’m sorry you’re dreading this transfer. I’m sure you’re super jaded after what you’ve been through, sigh I’m so sorry. I wish there was something we could do. Sending lots of love and light doll.

@tosh24 WOW! That quote is intense .. thanks for sharing! 

@laurengon82 Just taking 2mg Estradriol twice a day . Back in on 4/19. How are you holding up? Have you POAS yet? Your beta is Thur or fri?