TTCAL week of 12/02/18

lin0442

@eleven_ Are you a lab tech? I recently moved into LIS support, but I miss the lab sometimes. I feel you and @offtoneverland with putting off school because of trying to have a family. It’s frustrating and I feel like I’m ‘wasting’ time. DH is like ‘just go, we’ll deal with it’, but honestly I’m terrified of dealing with a pregnancy or MC in school. Also yeah the new Thor was great!

@galactickates Ugh, some people should share their luck. I have some trouble with the dailies on this board sometimes- ‘I’ve been trying for half a month this is soooooo haaaaaard and it’s taking foreverrrr’. I have to keep in mind that it’s a journey for everyone

@ChloandCoco Altered Carbon is a lot of fun- I was surprised how violent it was, though. Like sci-fi Game of Thrones levels lol. 

jrm_14

::butting in:: 
@eleven_ You are enough. Your losses matter. Don’t ever let a physician with a poor bedside manner think anything else. 

galactickates

@eleven_ I'm absolutely horrified at how you were treated. I seriously don't even have words. I am so sorry you were spoken to that way.  Maybe bring that up to your RE when you see them.  That you're not being taken seriously. I'm just so sorry you treated that way.  

eleven_

@jrm_14 @galactickates I'm sitting here outside the OB office just sobbing in my car. Thank you 

lin0442

@eleven_ What the heck? That is totally abnormal for a doctor to treat you that way. Your losses absolutely count, even if they happen during the window where it happens most often. 

galactickates

jrm_14 said:

::butting in:: 
@eleven_ You are enough. Your losses matter. Don’t ever let a physician with a poor bedside manner think anything else. 

^^^@jrm_14 I wish I could love this 100 times.  
@eleven_ I'm still just stunned by your OBs behavior.  

ChloandCoco

@eleven_ I can't even imagine what you are feeling and that OB would treat you that way. I would switch to a different OB immediately!

zamoraspin

@eleven_ I'm so sorry you were treated that way. That was totally inappropriate and wrong of the OB. 

offtoneverland

Oh man, you guys, I just love you all so much. Reading your words of support for @eleven_ have me tearing up. You all are amazing. 

@eleven_ I agree with everyone else. My hcg labs were all really low too (and the first CP I never had documentation for because I didn't go to the doctor) and my RE believed every single one of them. She didn't say anything about them not being true pregnancies or losses. I'm so so sorry your OB was so insensitive. I think you should find a new OB ASAP! 
@ChloandCoco I want fondue now! That recipe sounds delicious.
@zamora_spin I'm kind of starting to think that you and @ChloandCoco are the same person. The similarities are uncanny! 

coco2787

WTAF @eleven_ that makes me so mad and sad for you.  With my CP my first beta was only 10 and my OB wrote in my chart that the number was "consistent with early pregnancy", so 12 should be in that range too.  Also, how could 12 be leftover from your first loss if your beta had been at 5??  I hope it's feasible to switch to a new OB, I couldn't go back after being treated like that.  

dragonette505

CraftyG dining in sounds perfect... we definitely will tomorrow too... sorry youve been feeling down

dpjennifer i think we all need cheat days here and there! Sorry you had a rough week

ChloandCoco I feel you.... a friend who used to work here with me dropped in today to reveal her bump..... some days you just cant win

coco2787 One cycle i just didnt tell my Dh when the FW was and just seduced him... he figured it out but he had fun and went along with it. Maybe something like that could be deployed?

bakerstreetboys ugh... the wait is sucky..... i def have had a 5 week "cycle" after D&C.

eleven_ so glad you are going to the re..... hopefully you get answers. Maybe with some testing you'll have some idea of what your chances are

lokibear89 I think we dont often talk enough about how stressful it is for our guys too. Glad you guys could hug it out!

holly321 yay! then how long till you can try again after stopping??


offtoneverland So glad you are on board with your doc and on the same page... yeah, afc and amh together is a bigger picture. Trying on your own while getting those supplements on board is  great. hopefully if nothing happens by then they can bring out the big guns for you

zamora_spin the movie decision thing is a constant annoyance for us, lol. He says: whatever you want. I suggest. Hes all, hmmm anything else. I say: you pick it then. Him... nooooo you pick. And round and round we go!

galactickates  I feel you. it doesnt make sense how the fates are balanced... (tw) when i was in a bmb (briefly) last year, girls were on there arguing about whether its cool to have a baby shower for your second or if its greedy. I had to literally bite my fingers to keep from ALL CAPS telling them how shallow that concern was when some of us have no baby let alone no shower or sprinkle or anything. I didnt, and of course mc'ed shortly after



Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 4 losses

Status: TTA/ Benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Just got released from my surgeon so next i'll have to schedule with my RE to get back in the game

Any testing coming up/any recent results? all looked good from my surgery they "normalized" the uterine wall

GTKY: Valentines days coming up, what are your plans? dinner out on the weekend and hopefully my DH has good candy and gifts for me

lokibear89

@eleven_ that doctor is an arse. Not sure how you magically doubled hcg from a non-existent loss.

galactickates

@dragonette - I'm glad everything is looking good.  I've been thinking of you.  Did they even hint at how long you'd be benched for or is that not discussed at all until your next RE appointment?

holly321

@eleven_, that is awful. Even if she doesn't support that you had losses, she should at best be concerned then about having repeat elevated HCG.  I hope everything goes well at your appointment with the RE.

@dragonette505, that's great all went well with the surgeon.  How soon do you think you can start trying with the RE?  And I am cleared to try again in April.

@offtoneverland, I am sorry for the bad blood results.  But it sounds like you have a good plan in place, FX all the changes make a difference!

AFM, thanks for the support with SIL.  I am genuinely excited, but so upset at the same time, so that makes me feel like a terrible person, so thanks for being so understanding.  Last night was hard, but I am much better today. Today is officially a year since we started TTC.  I am allowing myself a "glass" of wine and we will go from there.

ChloandCoco

@holly321 That's really good that you are feeling better today. I hope you enjoy your glass of wine!

eleven_

Thank you all so much for your support. I can't even express how much it means to me.  I honestly don't know what I do without all of you 

I just finished my appointment with the RE. The moment I walked in his office, I was so relieved because the first thing I noticed was an award for 'most compassionate doctor'. He didn't make me feel like I had to prove my losses were real. He seemed concerned about my shortened cycle and said it was really good I came in. I am so relieved that I didn't end up cancelling the appointment. Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to go. 

offtoneverland

@holly321 Does a "glass" of wine mean a really really big glass?  You are definitely not a terrible person. It shows how incredibly caring and thoughtful you are that you're so upset about your sad feelings right now. 
@dragonette505 Yay for getting back in the game soon! Hope you don't have to wait too long.
@zamora_spin I remember lurking this thread several months ago and there was just a small handful of people here. I can't believe how much this thread has blown up. It's so disappointing, but at the same time it really helps me understand that I'm not alone in this journey. That's crazy about that Beat Infertility story! I listened to one of their podcasts about DOR a few days ago, so I'll look for that one too. 
@dpjennifer Sounds like a delicious cheat meal!
@bakerstreetboys @zamora_spin My RE gave me samples of Theralogix NeoQ10 as well. I was surprised to see that it was Ubiquinone as I had heard that Ubiquinol was better absorbed. That's a good tip that Theralogix is better absorbed somehow. To make things even more confusing, the CoQ10 that I bought a while ago says Ubidecarenone on the label. Google says it's the same thing as Ubiquinone. How weird! She also gave me a sample for the Thearlogix prenatal, OvaVite, which includes 250mg of CoQ10. 
@eleven_ That would be awesome to become a PA! It's hard to put plans on hold while waiting to see if a baby happens. For book club we're reading Lilac Girls. I don't think I'm going to be able to finish it by Saturday, but I'm going to try!

eleven_

@zamora_spin I think it was you who suggested the prenatal I started taking. The RE wanted to see the ingredients listed and he was super impressed. Thank you 

galactickates

@eleven_ I'm so happy to get this update from you.  It seems like night and day from the earlier today.  Did you guys come up with a game plan? 

eleven_

@galactickates Yes. I have about 20 tests to complete on specific cycle days in the next month, plus another ultrasound. 

coco2787

@eleven_ I’m so glad your RE appointment went well  Now I’m curious, which prenatal is it that you’re taking?  

eleven_

@coco2787

offtoneverland

@eleven_ Yesssss! I'm so so happy to get this update from you! That is fantastic news that he was so compassionate and concerned about your losses, as well as your shortened cycle. Let's get this show on the road! Good luck with all the testing. I take the Zahler prenatals too. I really like them! Honestly, I think I just really like the cute packaging...but they also make me feel confident that I'm making a healthy choice. 

holly321

@offtoneverland, it may have been a very large glass, but not quite the bottle, lol.  There may be more in my future.
@eleven_, I am happy to hear the appointment went so well!  I hope all your testing goes well and you cone up with a good plan 

dragonette505

Just hopping on here quick to say @eleven_ who is that person who saIf that bullish!t? How can your second pregnancy be leftover from the first that she said wasn’t a pregnancy?!?
also how could your numbers be higher the second time? 
Cancel that b!atch. New doctor! 
I need to go cool down and come back and catch up... my brain is on fire!!!
(sorry about my language!!)
ETA 
Whew!! So glad the re wasn’t a maniac like that other!! My blood pressure is now stabilizing!

offtoneverland

I just logged into my health insurance account and I officially owe $0 for my karyotyping! Heck yes! I'm so relieved.
Also, this is totally how I'm picturing @dragonette505 right now:

bakerstreetboys

@eleven_ I just logged on for the first time in a few hours and I was shocked to read about how your OB treated you!  Buh bye Felicia.  Time for a new doctor!  I'm sorry you went through that, but was super happy to see that your RE is a much better doctor AND person.  What an emotional day for you.  I'm glad that it ended better than it started.

galactickates

@offtoneverland hell ya!!!! What a great surprise! What a relief! 

dragonette505

@offtoneverland yay for free karyotyping!
and I was more like:

dpjennifer

eleven_  Sorry your OB is being a dick. Basically, my 3rd MC I found out on Friday morning with a faint line. I started bleeding/spotting on Saturday evening. And by Monday afternoon when I could get into my OBs office, I couldn’t turn a test. So, they won’t even ‘count’ that one. OBs can be douchebags. Also, 5 and below for hcg is considered ‘normal’ and not PG usually. But, RE’s are definitely less obnoxious about accepting low results like that. Honestly, I feel as though MANY OBs don’t even know how PG actually works. They have absolutely no idea about cycle irregularities, what causes them, how HCG even works, infertility or PG issues. At. All. For what it’s worth, of my 4 MCs, the first was a suspected molar found at 8ish weeks that only grew to 5+ weeks, the third as seen above was discounted by my OB, and the rest I’ve never seen an HCG in the triple digits. The RE’s I’ve seen (despite having their own bad bedside manner issues), have never doubted my PGs. I’m glad your RE appointment went better!!!

offtoneverland YAY for $0 for karyotyping!!!!!!!!

eleven_

@lin0442 Yes, I’m a lab tech. I have a weird thing going right now where I’m mostly doing admin stuff, but I still pop in the lab to help with validations pretty frequently. What are you wanting to back to school for?
@dragonette505 Thanks for being angry on my behalf I plan to find a new OB ASAP. So happy that everything has normalized after your surgery. Are you feeling 100% yet?
@dpjennifer I just don’t understand how you are supposed to get help from your OB if they don’t believe you about your losses? Like why the hell would I lie about this? Do you think I’m trying to get high on fertility medicine? I’m sorry your OB didn’t count one of your losses. I feel so bad for women that are treated so dismissively by their OB and don’t know they can go to an RE or don’t have insurance that will cover it.
@offtoneverland My RE was telling us just how expensive karyotyping can be depending on your insurance. I’m so incredibly happy for you that you didn’t have to pay for it!!!

dpjennifer

eleven_ Yeah, it's super frustrating. OBs don't seem to know much, they dismiss early pregnancies. RE's that I've been to have no bedside manner. Insurance refuses to pay for a lot of things. No one tends to pay for IVF, if you end up needing that. I for one, feel completely abandoned by the medical field. And to make it all worse, every day I'm seeing some sort of baby born to an 'unworthy' and wonder 'why not me?'

eleven_

@dpjennifer YGPM.

coco2787

Anyone have any advice on finding a good therapist?  I really hate talking about myself and my coping mechanism has always been to not think about things, but I know that’s not the answer.  

galactickates

@coco2787 I've been thinking about you friend. I know there are some ladies that have better advice then I. But do you know anyone IRL that sees anyone that you could get a recommendation from?  Looking back that's what I should have done.  The girl I originally saw gave me information for a group of therapists that deal specifically with fertility. I haven't reached out to them yet but it was a good jumping off point.  Maybe your Dr office can suggest someone? I'm not the best person to get advice from.  I tried to bury it and just had a crying breakdown Sunday when I drank to much.... oops. 

dpjennifer

coco2787 The first therapist I went to was recommended by my OB. Ugh. It was a nightmare. It was basically in this run-down office where I swear EVERYONE who goes there is there because of court-mandated therapy for drugs, etc. In the 'getting to know you' part of the first session he asked what I did for a living... then said "So, you're like really smart, huh?" And I'm like "uh... I guess." So awkward! And then he tried to focus on how everything happens for a reason and God... and I'm like... worst therapist ever. 
So, I looked online for a therapist. I think I used like "Find a therapist .com" or something like that. I looked for what their 'specialities' were. I looked for someone who dealt specifically with grief, depression, PTSD, and PG/IF/MC related issues. My current therapist HAD a MC and had IF struggles and ended up with 1 natural child and 1 adopted child. She is AMAZING and can relate and totally understands. 
Best advice is... the first appointment is definitely a 'getting to know you' session. If you DO NOT feel comfortable and DO NOT like what you're feeling at that appointment, then bail. Find someone else to talk to! You're not locked in to the first person you meet! (understanding that it will probably be an awkward first convo depending on how comfortable you are spilling your guts to a stranger)

Spylon

So I just caught up on this whole thread after being MIA for quite some time.. 
@eleven_ I am so sorry you were treated that way during your appointment. Unbelievable and unacceptable. I'm so glad your RE appointment was better! 
@coco2787 I'm a counsellor and most of my referrals come from family doctors. Of course, we're a tiny town with not that many mental health resources, but your doctor might be a good place to start. I'd also like to echo what @dpjennifer said; you'll usually know after the first session if it clicks or not. You have to be comfortable and like the person you're spilling your stuff to, otherwise you'll hold back, and then there's no point. Any good counsellor/therapist will understand that and not be offended if you switch. 

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 early loss just a couple of weeks ago

Status: benched for one cycle

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Things are getting better. I had a rough moment when I realized my husband hadn't thrown out the congratulations on the new baby card his aunt had mailed us, but overall I'm getting better. 

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I still have blood work and an ultrasound on Friday to make sure my body is back to "normal". I can't wait to be done with this. I don't need the reminders. 

GTKY: Valentines days coming up, what are your plans? Valentines day was yesterday.. we don't usually celebrate it, but DH got me a card and a McCain chocolate cake. Made my day. 

coco2787

At the OB for my RPL appointment.  So many triggers.  

eleven_

Oh no @coco2787. Stay strong Let us know how it goes.

ChloandCoco

@coco2787 Sending you all the creepy internet hugs. Triggers are horrible, but your appointment will be over soon.