Honestly before I was pregnant I was like ‘im gonna be careful and not gain too much’ but then I had my first and gained 60. The control many (not all!!!) women have is less than it would seem. Not just the water weight which can be significant, but the hormones that impact what you want how you feel etc etc.
i was very very fit with my 3rd, ran till 35w, still gained 40. This time... im not worrying. Thanks to life I started heavier than I’ve ever been and I’ve felt like shit so far. It’s my last baby and I’m just not worrying about weight. I’ve lost baby weight before and I’ll do it again.
As for the gender stuff... I’ve been open here that I was hoping for a girl. Even after losses, though that made it a little less. My husband wanted to be done after our 3rd so when he was born (team green) I felt a little sadness for the daughter I’d hoped for. For me, it’s yes, putting a baby girl in pink - before she grows an opinion. Braiding hair. Handing down my saved American girl dolls (none of my boys are remotely interested in dolls - they call the baby dolls they own, en mass, ‘baby smash’ like hulk smash). I’m very close with my mom and sisters, and I know few to zero men irl who have that sort of relationship with their mom. I fully plan to raise my boys differently than the men I know were, so I certainly hope they stay close with me and I of course know my daughter might hate dolls and not want to be close with me... but the heart wants wHat it wants. I’ve always imagined myself a mom to girls though I have found myself well suited as a boy mom.
I read somewhere that in the us it’s more common to feel gd as a parent to boys. Not everyone cares - until I found out this baby IS a girl I really really wished I didn’t care. If I could have controlled that I would have. It’s a crappy feeling, most moms aren’t proud of it, but it is pretty common.
And bc while I wanted a 4th either way, dh kinda said ‘if we could guarantee a girl I’d be ok with it but we can’t...’ he finally agreed anyhow, but if #3 was a girl, we would have been done. And either way we’d be done this time lol.
@lalala2004 right. Next time I will remember that it is actually a popular opinions thread and must fit with what others expect. And that FTMs are the minority here and are going to get raked over the coals for asking for help in areas other people might think are common knowledge or stupid. And I didn't specifically ask for anyone to be my diet manager, just said the discussions that have happened here about weight or when others have asked have been unhelpful. I realize that was an unpopular opinion and must have misinterpreted what this thread was for.
Having a seriously bad day at work and am emotional. For the last time, I'm sorry and I would be very happy if this topic was dropped for good.
Stuck in the box but just wanted to say I am eye to eye with you here. I enjoy having fun and goofing around and GIFing and the like, but I definitely feel like there can be a weird and offputting "we've done this before so we are in the cool group" junior high/hazing sensation at times. And I am frankly sick of hearing "if you can't handle the snark, maybe this isn't the place for you." I can handle it, I am sure we all can, but I also question WHY there is a seemingly mandatory level of snark from a group of 20-30 something women who are already moms or about to be moms. I hope that we all do get to be close and we can chat and count on each other when our LOs arrive, but exactly why do we need to be bitchy to "outsiders" on our way there?
Anyway, Doctormom, please don't leave, and I think I will go ahead and start back up the FTM weekly chat so please join in there as well!
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
@rocknrrollmom also agree about the vowel thing. That gets major side eye from me.
@doctormom33 just want to say that while I provided you unhelpful advice in the past, I'm in NO WAY offended by your UO here. I actually really like and appreciate when people post what they are really thinking, especially when it sparks good discussion. I'm sorry that people are making you feel like you are being raked over the coals.
I track what I eat on MFP. I don't have nausea issues or anything like that and it helps me keep to a calorie goal and make good eating choices. I do it while I am not pregnant, also, and it's really the only way I can lose weight and/or maintain. Once I stop tracking my food, the weight just slowly creeps up. (I've adjusted my calories to account for being pregnant, also.)So I understand how "not thinking about it" can actually not work (for me, in my case.) But, again, I don't have nausea and I know a lot of people really need to eat to keep the nausea at bay which sounds seriously hard. (My issue is headaches, btw. They are the worst!!)
I also wanted to comment on the gender/sex thing. I think there are a lot of reasons one might be sad at receiving initial news one way or the other. I just thought I'd share my story:
I admitted on another thread that I was a bit disappointed at finding out I wasn't having a girl. I didn't want a girl because I identify with gender normative behavior and aesthetics. I bend gender norms all the time and have since about the 8th grade when I was 6 feet tall (girls are supposed to be petite and tiny, right?!?!) I study feminist theory and teach about gender discourses for my job. I married a man who once told me that the sexiest thing I could wear was hiking boots; he also hates high heels and thinks they are forms of torture, lol. Just a couple examples of how we 'buck the mold.' Anyway, I guess I just wanted that shared sense of identity with a daughter. (While fully acknowledging that having similar chromosomal makeup by no means leads to automatic shared sense of identity.) I will of course love my second son as much as anything in the world. There is something about gender, though, that fuels a shared sense of belonging. And I do use the word "gender" here, intentionally. I have never felt really comfortable around really hyperfeminine women. I never feel like I "do" femininity well enough to fit in. But I do also really value same-sex relationships with women who do gender in ways similar to me because, let's face, it, living this world as individuals who identify as women is a unique experience and there is value in seeking out a shared sense of belonging around that, no?
So, I wanted to make sure I was clear on my post regarding me having a boy. I had no expectations regarding the sex of my baby as I stated in that post. Having a boy actually puts me on the side of what society would suggest because I already have a girl. That being said, it doesn’t negate the fact that I have the desire to be the best mom to this little boy like I am to my daughter. I have a fear that I may slack on this because being a girls mom came very natural to me. Pretty and girly stuff are my thing and I think it is because I had very little of that growing up. I need to adjust to the needs of a boy which are completely different than the needs of a girl. If my daughter ask me about having a period, I know exactly what to say. If my son ask me about having a wet dream, I am lost for words. My doctor spoke to us about circumscision, this too is foreign to me. Having the ability to be be the best support to my son is my fear. Thankfully, my husband will be there in those situations when he will need a male figure, but this doesn’t decrease my desire or fear to be the best mom/support to my son. I think fear is a normal emotion and there is nothing wrong with expressing that. This is just my two cents.
***On a side note, I bought him a cute little Onsie from target the other day.
@doctormom33 I don't want you to feel as though you need to take a step back here. I understand your logic though, that saying don't worry about the weight gain isn't productive nor is it reassuring to you. But what I would like to add to this is that there are probably moms out there that feel the same way you do and maybe we could all benefit from a conversation about what would be helpful to hear, you know?
I can't stress it enough. Weight gain during pregnancy can be a touchy subject to many and it is so helpful to have a supportive community to discuss these things with. These women are going through the same thing and many are probably stressing that they're gaining too much or too little. Let's talk it out. And bitch about it. And high-five and hug when these little babies continue to grow and develop no matter what the scale says.
Again, please don't step back. I don't want to get any more sappy (I'm having the feels today) but I will leave you with this...
@doctormom33 I'm guilty of the "don't worry about it" advice, but truly coming from a place of sincerity. I worried about it a lot last time, and still gained 50 pounds. Honestly, I think that for some of us, no matter what you eat or your level of activity, the pounds are going to come on. So, "don't worry about it" is the only advice to give. Going crazy trying to work out when you are exhausted and eating salads when you really want a pizza is not going to matter in the long run.
My UO is name related. I do not like more than one middle name. I don't understand why it's ever necessary. I feel like using more than one middle name just shows that the parents were really indecisive and now the kid is saddled with a complicated name forever.
I have two middle names and personally, I don't feel like I am saddled with an extra complicated name. Honestly, I have the british spelling of a common first name which contains an extra vowel and that's more annoying than having two middle names. I just usually fill out forms with my first middle name LOL
I agree with @mrsbubbles-2, @doctormom33 you shouldn't feel like you need to pull back because of this. I think a lot of FTMs worry about weight gain. I worried about it the first time around. I worked out twice a day (same routine as pre-pregnancy) until about 36 weeks. I tried to mostly eat the same as normal. But the weight fell off afterwards, by my 6 week PP appointment I had only 5lbs left to lose, and they cleared me to work out again so it came off quickly.
But then I went back to work and suddenly I had no time for my normal workouts. Between work and pumping and dealing with the baby, I just gave up on it. I kept the weight off until I started pump weaning but it came back on. Once I finished pumping I went back to the gym and lost it again, fairly easily, but then I got pregnant with number 2 and just was too tired to continue, so I figured "who cares, the weight comes right off, I'll deal with it later." So I didn't care about what I gained, though I continued to make healthy food choices as much as I could. I gained a little more, but it didn't come off as easily. When I got pregnant with number 3, unplanned, I hadn't gotten back to the gym yet and still had 7lbs to lose from pre-pregnancy. So I've basically just given up until I'm done pumping for this baby, at which point I'll pull myself back together again. I'll work out some while I'm on leave, but I know how hard it will be to keep that up once I'm back to work again, and I'm at peace with it.
At any rate...you're allowed to be worried about the weight gain, and I understand that people telling you not to worry about it isn't helpful. Hopefully this can be a place of support rather than one where people are telling you that your concerns are not valid because they have it worse than you do. But weight is a touchy subject on these boards, so we just all need to be respectful of each other and know that at least part of the weight you gain you have literally 0% control over, your body will just gain it no matter what you do. You do have some control over staying active and making healthy food choices and hoping the damage either isn't too bad or is easily reversed. And you're allowed to feel however you feel about it.
@doctormom33 I get you. An unpopular opinion can be tough when it's not shared by a lot of other people. And I especially understand where you're coming from regarding your feelings about being a FTM here. I think it's great that so many women here are STM+ and can offer a lot of advice, but I also find it's hard to connect because there's a sense of not already being in the club. Please don't feel like you need to step back because there are others out there who feel the same as you. And I'm totally interested in a FTM thread @legallykate.
@doctormom33 i think all @lalala2004 is saying is that you can’t bring up a topic like weight gain and insinuate (however unintentionally) that excess weight gain in pregnancy is due to not “trying” to do anything about it. I know you clarified this, I just think that you can’t turn around and be surprised that people are going to chime in with their 2c. And I’m sorry you felt raked through the coals, I reread the thread and didn’t see that at all but again, was not my intention if I made you feel that way I do apologise.
@legallykate your post confused me because I’m not sure if you are saying you think the S+TMs are hazing the FTMs or hazing the “outsiders” by posting gifs. Can you clarify?
@doctormom33 when I was pregnant the first time, I basically followed the weight watchers plan, eating pretty healthy and exercising and I didn’t gain much until third trimester, maybe 20 lbs total. Then immediately lost 10-12lbs just from giving birth. It was postpartum that hit me hard and I gained a lot of weight because I found it really hard adjusting to having a new baby. I have no idea if my experience helps but I thought I’d share. I hope you stick around and your day gets better.
To the FTMs, those are some of the reasons I didn’t participate in a BMB while pregnant the first time. I just got so overwhelmed with all the info and BTDT that it was better for me to not be here. I think one of the frustrating things about this is all the unknown: no one can tell you exactly what your child will be like, how your pregnancy/birth will go, if your kid will be a good eater/sleeper, etc. and the what-ifs will drive you nuts if you let it. All this to say is I remember the feeling of being a first timer. It’s hard. I don’t even know why I shared all that, lol. It’s probably not that helpful
Thanks everyone. @legallykate I do feel that I'm looked down n as the one without experience sometimes. I know I have no experience, which is why I am here. However, even if someone has multiple children, my experience may be different from hers. And that doesn't make either of our experiences wrong.
And @ecwk my only response would be that people's 2c was more of a "how dare you" than simple disagreement. I clarified and hope that that came across to those that were offended. However, some decided to continue to pursue it after clarification and apology. That is where I was feeling attacked.
I think there are some very strong personalities here and as long as we can agree that there aren't right and wrong opinions about every topic and that everyone's experience is going to be different, we are all going to get along fine.
@legallykate your post confused me because I’m not sure if you are saying you think the S+TMs are hazing the FTMs or hazing the “outsiders” by posting gifs. Can you clarify?
I mean obviously the latter is somewhat standard practice, and depending on how obnoxious versus sincere the drive-bys are I don't take as much of an issue with that, but I also get a vibe that there is a hierarchy among the regulars as well and some "less popular" posters get shit on sometimes. Not all the time, but at times it can seem cliquey and Mean Girls-y, and it does often seem to target the FTMs.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
I can't really remember who is a FTM vs STM unless it's relevant to the subject we're talking about. So I for one apologize if anyone has ever felt that way from me. I may have had a kid already, but if anything that process taught me just exactly how little I know. Still learning something new every day over here.
Let’s just be clear how UO works. If you’re going to post an unpopular opinion that a lot of people genuinely disagree with, it’s going to create a discussion. There is no reason to take anything personally unless insults are thrown. I haven’t seen any here.
I have some UOs that I won’t share in this thread because I don't want to spend the energy defending them or they are just personal, so I would rather not. Especially if it’s a hot topic; If you’re not up for a debate, just don’t do that to yourself. Those tend to include, but are not limited to: weight, vaccines, circumcision, mental health, abortion, and politics.
I can't really remember who is a FTM vs STM unless it's relevant to the subject we're talking about. So I for one apologize if anyone has ever felt that way from me. I may have had a kid already, but if anything that process taught me just exactly how little I know. Still learning something new every day over here.
^WSS. I often can't remember who has kids already, unless I'm literally in the STM check in or your post literally says something about DS or DD. There's too many people here to keep all the details straight! That said, hope I've never made a FTM feel unwelcome or stupid. I love y'all.
^WSS. I often can't remember who has kids already, unless I'm literally in the STM check in or your post literally says something about DS or DD. There's too many people here to keep all the details straight! That said, hope I've never made a FTM feel unwelcome or stupid. I love y'all.
I also can’t remember who has kids already for the most part. It’s hard to even respond and @ people names cause I can’t keep them straight.
I think as a first time mom you might be feeling attacked and get the “well you don’t know yet” feelings from people beyond this board. I remember when I wasn’t yet a mom, but still pregnant, I had a few friends, who aren’t my friends anymore (thankgod) shame me a lot in some values I had in regards to just being a person. And I’d get “well you’ll understand when you’re a mom.” If you’re getting that in real life, you might need to check your surroundings and tell those people to F off. Cause they suck!
I remember one thing was these friends were and hour to a hour and a half late to my house. Neither informed me they were going to be so late till I asked what was going on. That’s just rude! But being late is not a thing I put up with so when I told them it was disrespectful they just said “well when you’re a mom you’ll get it.” That was the last time I hung out with those bishes. And I have never ever made a friend wait that long for a meet up. Long tangent hahaha sorry!
My UO. I think it’s dumb we are “supposed” to say why we edited a post when we do...if I don’t it’s because there was a spelling or grammar error...sometimes I don’t fix them cause I don’t have the patience to deal with the stupid auto correct.
@doctormom33 I'm guilty of the "don't worry about it" advice, but truly coming from a place of sincerity. I worried about it a lot last time, and still gained 50 pounds. Honestly, I think that for some of us, no matter what you eat or your level of activity, the pounds are going to come on. So, "don't worry about it" is the only advice to give. Going crazy trying to work out when you are exhausted and eating salads when you really want a pizza is not going to matter in the long run.
My UO is name related. I do not like more than one middle name. I don't understand why it's ever necessary. I feel like using more than one middle name just shows that the parents were really indecisive and now the kid is saddled with a complicated name forever.
I'm on of those people! I gave my daughter two middle names, Ada and Mae each for her grand grandmothers she won't have a chance to meet. It sounds like one name when you say her full name so I don't think it's too much but I hear what you're saying! It does scream indecisive and I totally am anyways
My unpopular opinion is I hate when people change the vowels in their children's name for no reason. Madisyn, Jordyn, etc. Someone may have already brought that up and if so, sorry for repeating!
YES. Dear god. If anyone here decides to name their kid with unnecessary letters added/changed to their name, prepare to be flamed. A girl I know from high school named her daughter Lexxi because she thought it was cute. Nope, she just has a name that looks like a porn star now.
April Siggy Challenge: April Showers
About me:
29 y/o Married 6.26.11 BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14 BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now! BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17 BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
I think I mentioned the other day that on the September BMB, someone got upset and said so much for a flame free confession. It was really funny because nothing is ever “flame-free”, so maybe the title is putting people off. Who knows. But, people are going to disagree and people are going to get upset. And we will see our fair share of GBCB’s. It happens. It might be me. Because HORMONES. Amirite. We all have those days. Lol. You say something that folks disagree with, folks are going to say so. The white knight comes to the rescue. Battle ensues. Casualties take place. Popcorn is consumed. Usually by Michael Jackson. GBCB. Followed by Felicia gifs.
Best at advice Is to avoid everything @lalala2004 mentioned above. Hot button topics are going to get things going.
But that’s why the drive bys are nice. Everyone can be a little snarky. No casualties. Win. Win.
@legallykate your post confused me because I’m not sure if you are saying you think the S+TMs are hazing the FTMs or hazing the “outsiders” by posting gifs. Can you clarify?
I mean obviously the latter is somewhat standard practice, and depending on how obnoxious versus sincere the drive-bys are I don't take as much of an issue with that, but I also get a vibe that there is a hierarchy among the regulars as well and some "less popular" posters get shit on sometimes. Not all the time, but at times it can seem cliquey and Mean Girls-y, and it does often seem to target the FTMs.
Honestly I don’t know whether most women here are FTMs or not. I can see how there could be an element of clique amongst regular S+TMs since we have a lot in common but I don’t recall any Mean Girl behaviour targeting FTMs but maybe I didn’t read those threads.
@neeraja_k I could have written your post word-for-word.
I was not the prissy princess child my mother hoped for. Instead of shopping with her I went fishing with my dad. Instead of talking with girlfriends about hair and makeup, I rode ATV’s and played in the dirt with my guy friends. Every time my mother ever took me shopping, it was a fight between the cutesy clothing she thought I should wear and the blue jeans and t-shirts I lived in. When we went wedding dress shopping it was a fight between her huge, fancy gown picks and the simpler styles I preferred. I knew I was disappointing her throughout my entire childhood, but I just wanted her to accept that I was my own person and not her clone. Now that I have DS, she basically ignores me and tries to be this fun, wonderful grandma with a model grandson. But he calls her on her BS already, at 7yo.
I don’t have a preference when it comes to my kids. I have almost zero expectations. I want them to be successful and happy in life, but I’m ok with whatever they consider that to be. If I could pick a boy or girl, I’d pick boy because the idea of having a stereotypical girly girl scares me. I don’t want a daughter to hate me when I can’t teach her how to braid her hair or do her makeup. And I have this gut feeling that my mother would try to turn my daughter against me to have another chance at the perfect little girl.
@legallykate your post confused me because I’m not sure if you are saying you think the S+TMs are hazing the FTMs or hazing the “outsiders” by posting gifs. Can you clarify?
I mean obviously the latter is somewhat standard practice, and depending on how obnoxious versus sincere the drive-bys are I don't take as much of an issue with that, but I also get a vibe that there is a hierarchy among the regulars as well and some "less popular" posters get shit on sometimes. Not all the time, but at times it can seem cliquey and Mean Girls-y, and it does often seem to target the FTMs.
Honestly I don’t know whether most women here are FTMs or not. I can see how there could be an element of clique amongst regular S+TMs since we have a lot in common but I don’t recall any Mean Girl behaviour targeting FTMs but maybe I didn’t read those threads.
Yeah I'm confused on this too. I don't really know that we've been here long enough to have a clique formed? But @legallykate if there's an "us" of like the regular posters, I would have thought you were sitting at that lunch table? I certainly consider you part of the regular group.
UO: I don't like the term FTM, because I'm not sure that I really am one. This is my first pregnancy, so everything that pertains to FTMs on this thread certainly applies to me, but the fact it I have two older step kids that I have raised since they were 5 and 7. They are now 17 and 20, and every time I identify as a FTM I feel like I am denying that they "count" since I didn't birth them. I love my step kids, and my empty nest syndrome is a major contributor to my current pregnancy. I'm sure my relationship with the new baby will be different from the one I have with the older kids because I will have been there from the beginning, but that doesn't negate the fact that I have been a mom for the past 13 years.
ETA: Also, curling is a shockingly interesting and engaging sport. I've been on the edge of my seat watching the US compete in mixed doubles all night!
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
@legallykate your post confused me because I’m not sure if you are saying you think the S+TMs are hazing the FTMs or hazing the “outsiders” by posting gifs. Can you clarify?
I mean obviously the latter is somewhat standard practice, and depending on how obnoxious versus sincere the drive-bys are I don't take as much of an issue with that, but I also get a vibe that there is a hierarchy among the regulars as well and some "less popular" posters get shit on sometimes. Not all the time, but at times it can seem cliquey and Mean Girls-y, and it does often seem to target the FTMs.
Honestly I don’t know whether most women here are FTMs or not. I can see how there could be an element of clique amongst regular S+TMs since we have a lot in common but I don’t recall any Mean Girl behaviour targeting FTMs but maybe I didn’t read those threads.
Yeah I'm confused on this too. I don't really know that we've been here long enough to have a clique formed? But @legallykate if there's an "us" of like the regular posters, I would have thought you were sitting at that lunch table? I certainly consider you part of the regular group.
To clarify, I don't feel like I have any personal issues with anyone and haven't felt personally attacked, I guess it just rubs me the wrong way when I see things like this thread where someone expresses an UO and gets seemingly ganged up on and then feels unwelcome. Wait, am I white knighting? That wasn't my intention, I swear. I guess maybe I just don't totally understand UOs/FFFCs, and maybe my sense of there being a S+TM/FTM divide is that I get the sense that as FTMs we are kind of stepping into a new social landscape with rules we don't really understand, not so much because we haven't been pregnant before but because we haven't been in BMBs before.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
UO: Winter Olympics... dull. Okay there’s like three cool things. Lindsey Vaughn. Oh and the long track ice speed skater chick who made the Olympic s after only training for three months. Whoa. And I like ice skating. Sometimes. Especially couples. So pretty. But really. I could do without.
And its sad Russia got booted cuz Winter is their thing.
But I just hate all things Winter now. Over it. Bring on the rain. Of spring.
@dirtanddiamonds The long track speed skater is a derby friend of mine! Her name is Erin Jackson, and she is amazing. I've skated with and against her, and she is FAST! She's not the only awesome thing about the Winter Olympics, though
Almost everything about the Winter Olympics is amazing! The two Koreas walking under one flag for the opening ceremony, Russia actually experiencing some consequences for their systemic corruption, while still allowing clean athletes to compete, and the pinnacle of achievement in sport for these athletes who have dedicated their lives to the pursuit of excellence... I LOVE EVERYTHING!
(Except the crazy fuckery that is involved with the bidding process, the IOC sucks in some major ways.)
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
Let’s see - I agree with everything @dirtanddiamonds said above. There’s going to be disagreements, hot topics and opinions you may not understand, but being a part of a group like this is amazing. My last BMB switched to another forum because TB was going a little cray crazy then, here were GBCB and a lot of GB on the other forum. then we went to FB and there have been a few that have left there, too, and some split into another group. It happens, but you’ll never be sorry for the relationships you form here. DS is almost 3 and our FB group is still active daily and those girls are amazing.
I played sports and collected baseball cards when I was younger and I don’t know how to braid hair.... I’m not worried if this is a girl though, because hey, I can learn to braid! Or maybe she will want short hair and hate braids?! Either way, I don’t think I can be disappointed when we find out the sex of this LO. I know DS will be a great big brother to anyone.
I don’t mind the memes and gifs, but it is good to be up front on the ‘hey did you read the posts first’? But then I laugh and every now and then chime in!
Im so tired today and still have to pAck for my trip, so my UO is lighthearted....
I dislike Girl Scout cookies. Thin mints are the worst of them all IMO. I sold the crap out of them when I was younger, but even then wasn’t a huge fan. I think it’s partly I just don’t have a sweet tooth. I’d rather eat chips and salsa over a cookie any day.
@legallykate that makes sense. UO is usually full of debate, but when you haven’t been on a BMB before you may not know what topics are particularly hot. And TB does attract a certain subset of a people, so you are going to have some opinions that are more unpopular than others.
I agree that we don't really need more Spice Girls, but if they're able to sell out a tour, I guess that says it all. 1991, though? Spice Girls were definitely 1996/97.
Me:32 DH:45 DSD: 20 DSS: 18 Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
Totally watching ice skating right now on the Olympics. I may have to let DS watch some because he’s been obsessed with ice skating lately. No idea why.
A probably not UO: I’m so glad we don’t have to listen to Matt Lauer’s smarmy voice commentating this year.
TL:DR I’m nervous to have a daughter and am hoping for another boy.
I’ve been mulling over the sex disappointment thing all afternoon so I feel late to the discussion. I totally get it, though. I always thought I wanted only daughters but when I was pregnant before I knew it was a boy before we officially found out. Never entertained the thought of a girl and I love being a boy mom. To the point that I am kind of hoping for another boy, but I’ve now had two dreams it’s a girl and DH is having that feeling, too. And I’m a little disappointed (which is dumb because I don’t know for sure either way). My mom and I have a rocky relationship, she never taught me about my period, sex, makeup, styling hair, never got our nails done together, etc. I’m in therapy working on convincing myself that “I matter” because my feelings were always glossed over and I have a deep emotional wound that I don’t actually matter. So, raising a strong, confident daughter would be extremely hard for me and I think I would second guess myself more than I do with ds, for some reason.
So this is unrelated to the ftm/stm thing (I also have no idea who has kids on this board or not until reminded—sorry!) but my BIL texted DH last night to congratulate him on our pregnancy and said “Now you’ll know what it’s like to be parents.” Like...we have an 18 month old already. But he thinks because they have 3 kids (twins) that they’re experts or “more” parents than we are. I was/am pissed. Partially because he’s a jerk anyway and sucks big time.
Also I’m kind of excited to watch curling! We did a team building exercise at work where we went a few weeks ago and learned all the rules/techniques and got to play part of a game. It was surprisingly fun and really difficult!
@lolog531 What BMB were you in with DS? I wonder if I know you lol. I was in April 15 and around for alllll of that craziness, and our fbook group is still very active.
April Siggy Challenge: April Showers
About me:
29 y/o Married 6.26.11 BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14 BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now! BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17 BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
@lolog531 What BMB were you in with DS? I wonder if I know you lol. I was in April 15 and around for alllll of that craziness, and our fbook group is still very active.
I was June 15! I also was in TTGP from June-Oct ‘14 and posted in grad threads pretty regularly. We went over to Then Comes Family forum and created FB group at the same time. My name was Laurenlou32 then, I changed it when I resigned up this time around.
Re: UO Thursday 2/8
gonna be careful and not gain too much’ but then I had my first and gained 60. The control many (not all!!!) women have is less than it would seem. Not just the water weight which can be significant, but the hormones that impact what you want how you feel etc etc.
i was very very fit with my 3rd, ran till 35w, still gained 40. This time... im
not worrying. Thanks to life I started heavier than I’ve ever been and I’ve felt like shit so far. It’s my last baby and I’m just not worrying about weight. I’ve lost baby weight before and I’ll do it again.
As for the gender stuff... I’ve been open here that I was hoping for a girl. Even after losses, though that made it a little less. My husband wanted to be done after our 3rd so when he was born (team green) I felt a little sadness for the daughter I’d hoped for. For me, it’s yes, putting a baby girl in pink - before she grows an opinion. Braiding hair. Handing down my saved American girl dolls (none of my boys are remotely interested in dolls - they call the baby dolls they own, en mass, ‘baby smash’ like hulk smash). I’m very close with my mom and sisters, and I know few to zero men irl who have that sort of relationship with their mom. I fully plan to raise my boys differently than the men I know were, so I certainly hope they stay close with me and I of course know my daughter might hate dolls and not want to be close with me... but the heart wants wHat it wants. I’ve always imagined myself a mom to girls though I have found myself well suited as a boy mom.
I read somewhere that in the us it’s more common to feel gd as a parent to boys. Not everyone cares - until I found out this baby IS a girl I really really wished I didn’t care. If I could have controlled that I would have. It’s a crappy feeling, most moms aren’t proud of it, but it is pretty common.
And bc while I wanted a 4th either way, dh kinda said ‘if we could guarantee a girl I’d be ok with it but we can’t...’ he finally agreed anyhow, but if #3 was a girl, we would have been done. And either way we’d be done this time lol.
11/18/16 missed m/c 9w1
08/03/17 no hb 8w
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
@doctormom33 just want to say that while I provided you unhelpful advice in the past, I'm in NO WAY offended by your UO here. I actually really like and appreciate when people post what they are really thinking, especially when it sparks good discussion. I'm sorry that people are making you feel like you are being raked over the coals.
DS: Born 5-17-16
***On a side note, I bought him a cute little Onsie from target the other day.
I can't stress it enough. Weight gain during pregnancy can be a touchy subject to many and it is so helpful to have a supportive community to discuss these things with. These women are going through the same thing and many are probably stressing that they're gaining too much or too little. Let's talk it out. And bitch about it. And high-five and hug when these little babies continue to grow and develop no matter what the scale says.
Again, please don't step back. I don't want to get any more sappy (I'm having the feels today) but I will leave you with this...
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
But then I went back to work and suddenly I had no time for my normal workouts. Between work and pumping and dealing with the baby, I just gave up on it. I kept the weight off until I started pump weaning but it came back on. Once I finished pumping I went back to the gym and lost it again, fairly easily, but then I got pregnant with number 2 and just was too tired to continue, so I figured "who cares, the weight comes right off, I'll deal with it later." So I didn't care about what I gained, though I continued to make healthy food choices as much as I could. I gained a little more, but it didn't come off as easily. When I got pregnant with number 3, unplanned, I hadn't gotten back to the gym yet and still had 7lbs to lose from pre-pregnancy. So I've basically just given up until I'm done pumping for this baby, at which point I'll pull myself back together again. I'll work out some while I'm on leave, but I know how hard it will be to keep that up once I'm back to work again, and I'm at peace with it.
At any rate...you're allowed to be worried about the weight gain, and I understand that people telling you not to worry about it isn't helpful. Hopefully this can be a place of support rather than one where people are telling you that your concerns are not valid because they have it worse than you do. But weight is a touchy subject on these boards, so we just all need to be respectful of each other and know that at least part of the weight you gain you have literally 0% control over, your body will just gain it no matter what you do. You do have some control over staying active and making healthy food choices and hoping the damage either isn't too bad or is easily reversed. And you're allowed to feel however you feel about it.
@legallykate your post confused me because I’m not sure if you are saying you think the S+TMs are hazing the FTMs or hazing the “outsiders” by posting gifs. Can you clarify?
To the FTMs, those are some of the reasons I didn’t participate in a BMB while pregnant the first time. I just got so overwhelmed with all the info and BTDT that it was better for me to not be here. I think one of the frustrating things about this is all the unknown: no one can tell you exactly what your child will be like, how your pregnancy/birth will go, if your kid will be a good eater/sleeper, etc. and the what-ifs will drive you nuts if you let it. All this to say is I remember the feeling of being a first timer. It’s hard. I don’t even know why I shared all that, lol. It’s probably not that helpful
And @ecwk my only response would be that people's 2c was more of a "how dare you" than simple disagreement. I clarified and hope that that came across to those that were offended. However, some decided to continue to pursue it after clarification and apology. That is where I was feeling attacked.
I think there are some very strong personalities here and as long as we can agree that there aren't right and wrong opinions about every topic and that everyone's experience is going to be different, we are all going to get along fine.
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
I have some UOs that I won’t share in this thread because I don't want to spend the energy defending them or they are just personal, so I would rather not. Especially if it’s a hot topic; If you’re not up for a debate, just don’t do that to yourself. Those tend to include, but are not limited to: weight, vaccines, circumcision, mental health, abortion, and politics.
I think as a first time mom you might be feeling attacked and get the “well you don’t know yet” feelings from people beyond this board. I remember when I wasn’t yet a mom, but still pregnant, I had a few friends, who aren’t my friends anymore (thankgod) shame me a lot in some values I had in regards to just being a person. And I’d get “well you’ll understand when you’re a mom.” If you’re getting that in real life, you might need to check your surroundings and tell those people to F off. Cause they suck!
I remember one thing was these friends were and hour to a hour and a half late to my house. Neither informed me they were going to be so late till I asked what was going on. That’s just rude! But being late is not a thing I put up with so when I told them it was disrespectful they just said “well when you’re a mom you’ll get it.” That was the last time I hung out with those bishes. And I have never ever made a friend wait that long for a meet up. Long tangent hahaha sorry!
About me:
Married 6.26.11
BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14
BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now!
BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17
BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
Best at advice Is to avoid everything @lalala2004 mentioned above. Hot button topics are going to get things going.
But that’s why the drive bys are nice. Everyone can be a little snarky. No casualties. Win. Win.
I was not the prissy princess child my mother hoped for. Instead of shopping with her I went fishing with my dad. Instead of talking with girlfriends about hair and makeup, I rode ATV’s and played in the dirt with my guy friends. Every time my mother ever took me shopping, it was a fight between the cutesy clothing she thought I should wear and the blue jeans and t-shirts I lived in. When we went wedding dress shopping it was a fight between her huge, fancy gown picks and the simpler styles I preferred. I knew I was disappointing her throughout my entire childhood, but I just wanted her to accept that I was my own person and not her clone. Now that I have DS, she basically ignores me and tries to be this fun, wonderful grandma with a model grandson. But he calls her on her BS already, at 7yo.
I don’t have a preference when it comes to my kids. I have almost zero expectations. I want them to be successful and happy in life, but I’m ok with whatever they consider that to be. If I could pick a boy or girl, I’d pick boy because the idea of having a stereotypical girly girl scares me. I don’t want a daughter to hate me when I can’t teach her how to braid her hair or do her makeup. And I have this gut feeling that my mother would try to turn my daughter against me to have another chance at the perfect little girl.
ETA: Also, curling is a shockingly interesting and engaging sport. I've been on the edge of my seat watching the US compete in mixed doubles all night!
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
And its sad Russia got booted cuz Winter is their thing.
But I just hate all things Winter now. Over it. Bring on the rain. Of spring.
The long track speed skater is a derby friend of mine! Her name is Erin Jackson, and she is amazing. I've skated with and against her, and she is FAST! She's not the only awesome thing about the Winter Olympics, though
Almost everything about the Winter Olympics is amazing! The two Koreas walking under one flag for the opening ceremony, Russia actually experiencing some consequences for their systemic corruption, while still allowing clean athletes to compete, and the pinnacle of achievement in sport for these athletes who have dedicated their lives to the pursuit of excellence... I LOVE EVERYTHING!
(Except the crazy fuckery that is involved with the bidding process, the IOC sucks in some major ways.)
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
Let’s see - I agree with everything @dirtanddiamonds said above. There’s going to be disagreements, hot topics and opinions you may not understand, but being a part of a group like this is amazing. My last BMB switched to another forum because TB was going a little cray crazy then, here were GBCB and a lot of GB on the other forum. then we went to FB and there have been a few that have left there, too, and some split into another group. It happens, but you’ll never be sorry for the relationships you form here. DS is almost 3 and our FB group is still active daily and those girls are amazing.
I played sports and collected baseball cards when I was younger and I don’t know how to braid hair.... I’m not worried if this is a girl though, because hey, I can learn to braid! Or maybe she will want short hair and hate braids?! Either way, I don’t think I can be disappointed when we find out the sex of this LO. I know DS will be a great big brother to anyone.
I don’t mind the memes and gifs, but it is good to be up front on the ‘hey did you read the posts first’? But then I laugh and every now and then chime in!
Im so tired today and still have to pAck for my trip, so my UO is lighthearted....
I dislike Girl Scout cookies. Thin mints are the worst of them all IMO. I sold the crap out of them when I was younger, but even then wasn’t a huge fan. I think it’s partly I just don’t have a sweet tooth. I’d rather eat chips and salsa over a cookie any day.
Edited because I cant type.
DS: 5.28.15
DS#2: EDD 8.31.18
DH:45
DSD: 20
DSS: 18
Team green baby due: Aug 6th, 2018
I also heard of an NSYNC reunion - but I'm pretty lukewarm about that one.
ETA: Words.
A probably not UO: I’m so glad we don’t have to listen to Matt Lauer’s smarmy voice commentating this year.
TL:DR I’m nervous to have a daughter and am hoping for another boy.
I’ve been mulling over the sex disappointment thing all afternoon so I feel late to the discussion. I totally get it, though. I always thought I wanted only daughters but when I was pregnant before I knew it was a boy before we officially found out. Never entertained the thought of a girl and I love being a boy mom. To the point that I am kind of hoping for another boy, but I’ve now had two dreams it’s a girl and DH is having that feeling, too. And I’m a little disappointed (which is dumb because I don’t know for sure either way). My mom and I have a rocky relationship, she never taught me about my period, sex, makeup, styling hair, never got our nails done together, etc. I’m in therapy working on convincing myself that “I matter” because my feelings were always glossed over and I have a deep emotional wound that I don’t actually matter. So, raising a strong, confident daughter would be extremely hard for me and I think I would second guess myself more than I do with ds, for some reason.
Also I’m kind of excited to watch curling! We did a team building exercise at work where we went a few weeks ago and learned all the rules/techniques and got to play part of a game. It was surprisingly fun and really difficult!
About me:
Married 6.26.11
BFP 12.23.13, EDD 9.2.14 - baby girl, born too soon at 22w6d due to a placental abruption on 5.5.14
BFP 8.4.14, EDD 4.15.15 - rainbow son, born at 30w4d due to a placental abruption on 2.8.15, healthy 3 y/o now!
BFP 2.28.17, EDD 11.8.17 - baby girl, miscarried at 11 weeks on 4.21.17
BFP 11.28.17, EDD 8.8.18, delivering in July - another rainbow baby boy!
DS: 5.28.15
DS#2: EDD 8.31.18