I love 90% of the gifs and comments aimed at the drive-bys and usually they make me laugh, but sometimes I feel like we are too mean and cringe just a little internally. I am fairly sure this a total UO in Aug18. *Also to clarify I am not trying to change how anyone else responds to drive-bys, I am fine to just keep scrolling by some comments and laughing at the clever gifs.
@alinafed I'l agree thats that is an unpopular one. I think that if the worst we do to people who can't be bothered to read anything or even google their own question first, is to lightly flame them, we aren't too bad.
My UO is that once a student has been kicked out of a school, the district shouldn't have to find another 'similar level, in-district school' for them to go to.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@alinafed Sorry, I'm probably an offender. But I totally find picking on these extremely self centered people to be a good chuckle. And the memes are entertaining.
@alinafed I agree sometimes. It totally depends on what they post though. I saw a drive by post about a woman dealing with severe anxiety the other day and felt like people were more gentle and did actually try to help her. When its just "look at me!" Sort of posts, I feel less bad.
My UO... I am really trying to stick to the expected weight gain for pregnancy. I know there have been a lot of discussions on this and people have been saying not to stress about it, but I still thinking "trying" is important! Also, FTM so obviously my opinion on this means very little to how others should live their lives.
@doctormom33 I don't think that's a UO. I think we ALL would rather gain the lesser of evils, LOL! I know with my first, I gained 60. It took me a couple of YEARS to get back in shape and I was in the best shape of my life when I got pregnant this time. I have always struggled with my weight, due to genetics I suppose, and lost 100 pounds (kept it off, too) before I met my husband. At the same time, I know all women carry pregnancies differently and some, no matter what they do, pack on weight regardless. There are others who struggle to gain enough weight in pregnancy.
I'm still trying to think of a UO. I'm having an emotional morning and crying at really random shit so I'm not in the right headspace right now, haha.
Pregnancy is stressful enough and sometimes weight gain makes no sense. I remember at the end of my last pregnancy I was eating less food than before I got pregnant and still gaining weight.
@alinafed So, being one of the people who posted a gif on the most recent drive-by, I want to respond. I think if anyone spends longer hanging around the board than it takes to post a one-off AW drive-by, they'd see how kind and supportive the general population here is. I also think that if you're going to be offended by an eye-rolling gif or a "who are you" gif then you probably shouldn't be on the internet - ( I don't mean you here, I mean the people that they are aimed at). And by its definition, a drive-by is just that. The OP probably won't even come back and see the responses so, I guess I'll keep gifing *steps off soapbox*
@princesslockness I'll confess I didn't even know that was a thing!!
@doctormom33 Is your UO that you think people should try to stick the recommended weight gain or that people shouldn't say "don't stress about" the weight gain? Because I don't think the former is an UO at all and I don't think very many people go into pregnancy with the mindset that they're going to purposely gain a ton of weight. There are many factors at play for many people who do gain more than the recommended amount, it's not always for the lack of trying.
I love 90% of the gifs and comments aimed at the drive-bys and usually they make me laugh, but sometimes I feel like we are too mean and cringe just a little internally. I am fairly sure this a total UO in Aug18. *Also to clarify I am not trying to change how anyone else responds to drive-bys, I am fine to just keep scrolling by some comments and laughing at the clever gifs.
I get it. I feel annoyed the same way everyone does by these people, but I just ignore it instead of responding. I feel like if we don't respond, those people would get the hint that their post was off base (maybe LOL). The GIF's are hilarious though!
@doctormom33 do you think anyone really tries to gain excess weight? I tried to limit my weight gain with my first and I still gained 50 lbs. So yeah, I’d like to not do that again, but as much nausea as I’m having, eating is one of the few things that gives me some relief. I’m way less concerned this time. I wish I hadn’t been so worried about it before. I lost it once, I can do it again. Because in the end, you are pretty much guaranteed to gain some weight, and you would be surprised how little control you have over a good portion of it.
@ecwk Your gif was a winner too! I laughed loudly at that one.
Honestly, if this small amount of snark and confrontation bothers you, it's going to be a rough road for you in the BMB. I mean this with all sincerity . Women here will learn to care passionately about this group. In the days after when we are all up at all hours of the day and night with these littles, we will talk to eachother 10x more than we will probably talk to our SOs. We will also be very tired and mentally exhausted. Debates will happen. The group will split maybe once, maybe twice. Drive bys will be an old funny joke compared to the real confrontation that will happen.
But you know what.....it will be worth it. Cause the friendships that will form are irreplaceable.
@ecwk It might just be an Idaho thing. We have a student who is in our boundaries, but has been nothing but trouble. Its finally bad enough we are not letting her come back after this trimester. Now we have to find an 'alternate' school for her to go to as it isn't bad enough to expel her. I just don't get how we can kick her out, but not really kick her out.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
My UO. I almost posted in Randoms, but decided it fit better here.
Sometimes I feel like a weirdo when these gender/sex disappointment discussions come up. I have zero thoughts of picking out a wedding dress with my daughter. What if I had a daughter and she didn’t even get married? I couldn’t care less. I don’t care if my son gets married. I don’t care if I don’t have grandchildren. I only hope my kids will enjoy theme parks and watch Star Wars with me. I keep my expectations pretty low. You can’t control much, anyway, and I have zero gender expectations. Maybe it’s the fact that I never conformed to many gender norms and neither did my husband. My brother and I enjoyed a lot of the same things despite having different genitals. It’s not that I’m judging anyone for gender preference or disappointment, I just cannot relate at all. I’m excited to find out who my kids are and what they enjoy, because my influence only goes so far. And I’m getting tired of people asking if I want a boy or a girl. I really don’t care, and I feel like no one believes me! Why is our culture so obsessed with gender?
That’s something worth considering. How much of this is really your feelings, and how much of it is society’s influence on you and what gender or sex even means?
@doctormom33 lol this makes me laugh....cause yah...I definitely didn’t set out to gain 60lbs with both my previous babies. It’s just what my body does. I tried as hard as I could with my second to not gain that weight and it didn’t matter. Still gained the 60lbs. Sometimes we don’t have the option. Just like women who would do anything to but on weight in fear they will have a preterm baby.
@lalala2004 I know, I read a post earlier about being sad if someone doesn't have a girl because of the whole "getting nails done, wedding dress shopping, prom dress shopping, etc." and I kind of stopped for a second and thought about it because...I honestly have never once thought about that kind of stuff. Everyone around me is hoping this baby is a girl and I couldn't care less either way. I didn't really do much of that stuff with my mom so I guess maybe my thoughts about having a girl are just not the same, not sure. I wasn't very girly. My mom has never expressed disappointment. Shrug.
ETA: I can definitely sympathize and understand gender disappointment, but in my case, I don't think it's something I personally will experience. Hope that makes sense.
@lalala2004 I could lovetit that 100 times. I feel the same way.
@princesslockness I'm sure any other school will be thrilled to have her! :end sarcasm: I don't think we have that here but tbh I could be completely wrong. I'm actually interested to find out...
@ecwk It might also be because our district has 2 regular public middle schools, and an alternative middle school. So we should be able to find a 'better fit' for those students. IDK it just ticks me off. We tried everything we could to adjust ourselves and the student, it didn't work for whatever reason. How is the other regular school supposed to handle it better, or how is the alternative school supposed to help with discipline? It just doesn't compute in my brain.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@lalala2004 I don't think it is based on society, at least for me. My brother and I generally enjoyed the same activities too (we both swam competitively after hating gymnastics and soccer, we played video games together, we played together with neighborhood kids, we were both really proficient in math and science) but I have always had a very close Gilmore Girls-esque bond with my mom that is very different from what she and my brother have ever had, and I feel like that is more common in mother/daughter bonds, at least in my experience, so it makes me happy to be having a girl in the hopes that we will have that same bond.
Obviously I have no idea what my daughter will actually be like or if we will be that close, but I don't see anything wrong with having those hopes/dreams (and don't see how you even avoid having hopes/dreams for your future kids?) and if my kid ends up identifying as a male or majorly rebels or doesn't want to be close to me like that, I will adjust accordingly.
But I also think even with society's increased acceptance of gender fluidity and the gender spectrum, there will always be gender stereotypes, and that's in part because those stereotypes will continue to be accurate for a large number of people. And I don't really see anything wrong with painting a room pink and slapping bows all over a baby girl or dreaming of ballet classes and wedding dress shopping as long as you are open to her hating all that stuff once she is old enough to make her own style decisions.
*TTC History*
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
@lalala2004 and @Firemanswife11 I’m so glad y’all said this. I really thought I’d be disappointed if this was a boy. I was almost gearing up for it. My mom and I were best friends and before having DS I thought I wanted 2 little girls. I was nothing but excited when I found out I was having another boy. I can’t wait to get to know him. Then I’ve been wondering if something is wrong with me that I’m not upset about never having a girl because I’m pretty sure this will be our last. I guess it’s just good to know that it’s actually okay that I’m pumped, which I know sounds crazy.
I don't mind the GIFs and memes for the drive-bys. I do like it when the first person to respond usually tells the OP to read the Board Organization thread and intro. If the OP gets snippy after that, it's totally fair game
About the weight gain... I'm so glad that we can talk openly and honestly about it. Last pregnancy I made a rule for myself, I left the weigh-ins to the doctors and let bring it up if they felt they needed to. They never did. I did my best to make healthy choices and all that but the number on the scale means so so little with regards to a healthy pregnancy.
Also on team couldn't care less about if this one is a boy or a girl. This is a super hot-button issue between me and DH. He's very much hoping this is a girl and tells everyone we meet exactly that. We've got two boys at home, my step-son and our son. I consider myself so incredibly blessed to have these two amazing kids in my life that the idea of adding another baby - boy or girl - to the mix is so exciting. Now, here's the thing, this doesn't mean that I won't offer support if you're feeling disappointed that you won't get to experience having a son or a daughter. I understand that you need to mourn the loss of a future that you might *think you won't get to experience. (I say *think because there are a gazillion things that could change, your kid might not identify later as the sex he/she was born, you might change your mind and have additional kids later, etc...) Anyway, I think our community is pretty amazing to be able to support people who need it, regardless of whether or not you agree with the reason.
Yeah, +1 for having zero expectations about my kids' personality and preferences. On my last BMB, during 3rd tri, there was this weird thread that everyone got really into about predicting what your kid will look/be like, what sports/activities they'll be interested in, etc.. it was super cringey to me. Like, I hope my kids aren't assholes, and I'd like them to be productive members of society, but I think it's super unhealthy for you and for them to have all these specific goals and dreams for them. ETA @lalala2004 I especially love your comment about wedding dress shopping. I love that many people are breaking free from the 'expectation' to get married.
Me: 28, DH: 40 Married 9/28/13 DS born 11/12/15 EDD 8/13/18
^ Yes! I meant to add in my post before that I fully support you guys that are having rough time! In no way did I mean me not feeling that way mean that any of you were wrong to feel that way.
I also know that no matter what anyone feels now, when they put that baby in your arms, you’ll never have imagined wanting him/her to be any different. ETA: well that’s a lie, if this baby sleeps like DS, I’m going to wish he slept
@ecwk Your gif was a winner too! I laughed loudly at that one.
Honestly, if this small amount of snark and confrontation bothers you, it's going to be a rough road for you in the BMB. I mean this with all sincerity . Women here will learn to care passionately about this group. In the days after when we are all up at all hours of the day and night with these littles, we will talk to eachother 10x more than we will probably talk to our SOs. We will also be very tired and mentally exhausted. Debates will happen. The group will split maybe once, maybe twice. Drive bys will be an old funny joke compared to the real confrontation that will happen.
But you know what.....it will be worth it. Cause the friendships that will form are irreplaceable.
Yeah, +1 for having zero expectations about my kids' personality and preferences. On my last BMB, during 3rd tri, there was this weird thread that everyone got really into about predicting what your kid will look/be like, what sports/activities they'll be interested in, etc.. it was super cringey to me. Like, I hope my kids aren't assholes, and I'd like them to be productive members of society, but I think it's super unhealthy for you and for them to have all these specific goals and dreams for them. ETA @lalala2004 I especially love your comment about wedding dress shopping. I love that many people are breaking free from the 'expectation' to get married.
On the 'sex/gender disappointment' topic, I understand the need to adjust to different thinking. Having had 3 sisters growing up, I prayed for all boys. I just wanted that different hormone to run my house. And I didn't want to have to own playtex/tampax stock. Then we found out we were having E. Love that precocious, curly-haired princess to bits, but it took some serious re-aligning in my mind.
I think the main issue I have with the disappointment is when you let it run your life. You are depressed, saddened, can't find the will to care about baby . . . type of thing. We had several on my first BMB who seriously could not get past the sex.
I think you should take a ~week or so to adjust, then move on. Don't dwell or let it knock you around. Its nothing you could have done, and all on the luck of the race/ DHs swimmers.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Work got busy and this blew up. Wasn't very clear in my UO. I'm definitely not saying that people who gain more weight aren't trying or that people set out to gain weight. All I was saying is that might UO was that I find "don't worry about it" advice to be unhelpful. Sure, I'm not going to obsess over it or let it cause me undue stress. However, when talks go to weight on here, I see a lot more "don't worry about it" than any actual tips or advice or things other people are trying to do. So basically just saying that my UO is that I do plan on "worrying about it" but I don't think that has to be portrayed as an unhealthy or obsessive thing.
I also haven't been active on the "fit mom" board so that may be where I am missing this sort of discussion on here. Have always been more of a diet control person than an exercise person mostly due to time restriction and lack of motivation.
TLDR: Did not mean to insinuate that people who gained more were not trying and would never say that. Just not a fan of "don't worry about it" as the answer to how to manage pregnancy weight gain.
@doctormom33 do you think anyone really tries to gain excess weight? I tried to limit my weight gain with my first and I still gained 50 lbs. So yeah, I’d like to not do that again, but as much nausea as I’m having, eating is one of the few things that gives me some relief. I’m way less concerned this time. I wish I hadn’t been so worried about it before. I lost it once, I can do it again. Because in the end, you are pretty much guaranteed to gain some weight, and you would be surprised how little control you have over a good portion of it.
This. WSS. 100%!! Nobody wants to gain that weight. I want to be like Kate Middleton. The perfect cute pregnancy EVERY STINKING TIME. It’s kind of annoying. lol.
@doctormom33 but the thing is, a lot of us did try and worried about it very hard and still gained a lot of weight! So a lot of us don’t have advice to give, because we were unsuccessful. Gee, it kind of makes you wonder if the weight “expectations” given by doctors aren’t accurate or realistic? Hmm. And that is the point people are trying to make. Yes, eat healthy. But the pounds will come, and it may be more than you wanted or expected to gain. It’s temporary.
@legallykate I don’t have specific hopes and expectations for my child, especially not based on their sex. I want to teach them to be a decent person and support them in their own goals. I’ll give them my advice or opinion, but I’m not going to tell them what to aspire to.
I’ve actually heard my MIL tell my SIL “I was excited to have a girl to cook and sew with, but then I got you.” She was joking, but WTF? My SIL heard “jokes” like that all her life, and their relationship is garbage. I’m not saying anyone would say something like that to their kid, but even so, kids are receptive and pick up on people’s expectations of them. I want to raise a child that isn’t afraid to be who they are. It’s extremely important to me. Fuck gender norms.
@doctormom33 I'm guilty of the "don't worry about it" advice, but truly coming from a place of sincerity. I worried about it a lot last time, and still gained 50 pounds. Honestly, I think that for some of us, no matter what you eat or your level of activity, the pounds are going to come on. So, "don't worry about it" is the only advice to give. Going crazy trying to work out when you are exhausted and eating salads when you really want a pizza is not going to matter in the long run.
My UO is name related. I do not like more than one middle name. I don't understand why it's ever necessary. I feel like using more than one middle name just shows that the parents were really indecisive and now the kid is saddled with a complicated name forever.
I think the main issue I have with the disappointment is when you let it run your life. You are depressed, saddened, can't find the will to care about baby . . . type of thing. We had several on my first BMB who seriously could not get past the sex.
This was the problem in my previous BMB too. I completely understand grieving the relationship you thought you'd have with one sex or the other if you never have that one. But actually being anxious and depressed and angry about something you have zero control over is unacceptable. I mean there were women saying stuff on my last BMB that was completely offensive, and this is a public Internet site. How would the kids feel if they read what those women were saying? It was terrible.
There were also several women who were like "the only reason I had another kid is because I want a girl/boy" and I would absolutely snark those women, because seriously? Not a great reason, your chances are 50/50, and it hasn't worked for you before, so what are you doing.
@lalala2004 one last thought and then I will crawl back into my introvert hole for a while. All you ladies saying that you worried and worked at it last time and gained 50 lbs... Like you said, maybe that's really an okay weight gain and if I don't try to do the same things you did, maybe it would be 100lbs. That's all im asking for. Maybe 35lbs is unrealistic, but when talking about weight gain, I take "don't worry about it" and "go nuts" to be often taken the same way. Or maybe I'm the only one who takes those statements the same way.
Might take a step back for a while guys. Really didn't mean to offend anyone and feeling kind of gross about it all.
@doctormom33 Don't feel like you need to step back. Talking about things is the point of this community. Nobody did anything "wrong" here, just people voicing their opinions/feelings.
As for the gender mourning, I get it, to a degree. I think I'd like a boy because I think I'd have more in common with one, and the whole girly thing kinda freaks me out a bit because that was never me nor any of my friends. But if it's a girl, that's cool too. I only care that it's healthy. heh
But on the receiving end, please don't let it affect your relationship with your kiddos regardless of what you "wanted". I don't think many of you will, but you never know.
I was not the daughter my mom wanted, not by a long shot...and I heard about it a lot growing up. I was continually made to feel like a disappointment...just for being me. I was an only child living in the country without neighbors, so I had to entertain myself for hours while my parents worked. I wasn't interested in dresses or dolls or painted nails or pretty hair. I'd rather wear overalls and play with toy dump trucks in the dirt pile outside. I'd rather spend hours exploring and fishing in the creek around our property and playing in the woods, than play house or have tea parties.
And even to this day I'm resentful of my mother for how unwanted she made me feel growing up. So you know what? I took my best friend wedding dress shopping with me instead. :P
@doctormom33 I gained 50 lbs with DS and my doctor never said anything. And I was all belly. That being said, you have a valid point, and I am trying to worry about it more this time. I ate scones like 4 times a week with DS. Like giant scones from Whole Foods. So, I worried about it, but didn’t eat as healthy as I could have. And I want to do better this time. I also definitely eat less healthy when I pregnant because I don’t want the foods (salads) I normally do. If I’m keeping it real, I could eat like I normally do, adding in an extra avacado and making it bigger for my extra calorie needs, and I’d probably gain less. Those aren’t the choices I make though, and I own that.
Dont hang back. You’re totally allowed your opinion and shouldn’t feel like you need to apologize for it.
I don't mind the gifs and snark on the drive-bys. I agree with @mrsbubbles-2 the first responses is usually telling them to read the rules and introduce themselves. If OP gets smart then gif the crap out of them. I also think if someone came on and said something along the lines of "I am not sure where to post this. Can anyone help?" then the group would be more accommodating. But, if they come on full force AW then yeah flame away.
I honestly at this point don't even care what I am having. I having this feeling it is a boy but what do I know. No matter what I really don't have any preconceived notions of what my kid will be like. Maybe I am still in total shock that this is actually happening.
I had an UO this morning but now I can't remember it.
@doctormom33 I'm guilty of the "don't worry about it" advice, but truly coming from a place of sincerity. I worried about it a lot last time, and still gained 50 pounds. Honestly, I think that for some of us, no matter what you eat or your level of activity, the pounds are going to come on. So, "don't worry about it" is the only advice to give. Going crazy trying to work out when you are exhausted and eating salads when you really want a pizza is not going to matter in the long run.
My UO is name related. I do not like more than one middle name. I don't understand why it's ever necessary. I feel like using more than one middle name just shows that the parents were really indecisive and now the kid is saddled with a complicated name forever.
I'm on of those people! I gave my daughter two middle names, Ada and Mae each for her grand grandmothers she won't have a chance to meet. It sounds like one name when you say her full name so I don't think it's too much but I hear what you're saying! It does scream indecisive and I totally am anyways
My unpopular opinion is I hate when people change the vowels in their children's name for no reason. Madisyn, Jordyn, etc. Someone may have already brought that up and if so, sorry for repeating!
@lalala2004 one last thought and then I will crawl back into my introvert hole for a while. All you ladies saying that you worried and worked at it last time and gained 50 lbs... Like you said, maybe that's really an okay weight gain and if I don't try to do the same things you did, maybe it would be 100lbs. That's all im asking for. Maybe 35lbs is unrealistic, but when talking about weight gain, I take "don't worry about it" and "go nuts" to be often taken the same way. Or maybe I'm the only one who takes those statements the same way.
Might take a step back for a while guys. Really didn't mean to offend anyone and feeling kind of gross about it all.
But what kind of advice do you need? Eat enough protein and count calories. If you don’t exceed your daily caloric burn intake plus a few hundred for the baby, you won’t gain 100lb. Being active is good, too. There isn’t a secret formula. The reason it’s not the same as regular weight gain and loss is that at least 15-20 lbs of it is amniotic fluid, placenta, extra blood, baby, milk, etc. You don’t know what that exact number is you can’t control.
I don’t want to kick you when you’re down, but let’s be real, here. This is an UO thread and you made a post about weight gain. How did you really think it was going to be received?
@lalala2004 right. Next time I will remember that it is actually a popular opinions thread and must fit with what others expect. And that FTMs are the minority here and are going to get raked over the coals for asking for help in areas other people might think are common knowledge or stupid. And I didn't specifically ask for anyone to be my diet manager, just said the discussions that have happened here about weight or when others have asked have been unhelpful. I realize that was an unpopular opinion and must have misinterpreted what this thread was for.
Having a seriously bad day at work and am emotional. For the last time, I'm sorry and I would be very happy if this topic was dropped for good.
Re: UO Thursday 2/8
*Also to clarify I am not trying to change how anyone else responds to drive-bys, I am fine to just keep scrolling by some comments and laughing at the clever gifs.
My UO is that once a student has been kicked out of a school, the district shouldn't have to find another 'similar level, in-district school' for them to go to.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
My UO... I am really trying to stick to the expected weight gain for pregnancy. I know there have been a lot of discussions on this and people have been saying not to stress about it, but I still thinking "trying" is important! Also, FTM so obviously my opinion on this means very little to how others should live their lives.
I'm still trying to think of a UO. I'm having an emotional morning and crying at really random shit so I'm not in the right headspace right now, haha.
Pregnancy is stressful enough and sometimes weight gain makes no sense. I remember at the end of my last pregnancy I was eating less food than before I got pregnant and still gaining weight.
So, being one of the people who posted a gif on the most recent drive-by, I want to respond. I think if anyone spends longer hanging around the board than it takes to post a one-off AW drive-by, they'd see how kind and supportive the general population here is. I also think that if you're going to be offended by an eye-rolling gif or a "who are you" gif then you probably shouldn't be on the internet - ( I don't mean you here, I mean the people that they are aimed at). And by its definition, a drive-by is just that. The OP probably won't even come back and see the responses so, I guess I'll keep gifing
@princesslockness
I'll confess I didn't even know that was a thing!!
@doctormom33
Is your UO that you think people should try to stick the recommended weight gain or that people shouldn't say "don't stress about" the weight gain? Because I don't think the former is an UO at all and I don't think very many people go into pregnancy with the mindset that they're going to purposely gain a ton of weight. There are many factors at play for many people who do gain more than the recommended amount, it's not always for the lack of trying.
Honestly, if this small amount of snark and confrontation bothers you, it's going to be a rough road for you in the BMB. I mean this with all sincerity . Women here will learn to care passionately about this group. In the days after when we are all up at all hours of the day and night with these littles, we will talk to eachother 10x more than we will probably talk to our SOs. We will also be very tired and mentally exhausted. Debates will happen. The group will split maybe once, maybe twice. Drive bys will be an old funny joke compared to the real confrontation that will happen.
But you know what.....it will be worth it. Cause the friendships that will form are irreplaceable.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Sometimes I feel like a weirdo when these gender/sex disappointment discussions come up. I have zero thoughts of picking out a wedding dress with my daughter. What if I had a daughter and she didn’t even
get married? I couldn’t care less. I don’t care if my son gets married. I don’t care if I don’t have grandchildren. I only hope my kids will enjoy theme parks and watch Star Wars with me. I keep my expectations pretty low. You can’t control much, anyway, and I have zero gender expectations. Maybe it’s the fact that I never conformed to many gender norms and neither did my husband. My brother and I enjoyed a lot of the same things despite having different genitals. It’s not that I’m judging anyone for gender preference or disappointment, I just cannot relate at all. I’m excited to find out who my kids are and what they enjoy, because my influence only goes so far. And I’m getting tired of people asking if I want a boy or a girl. I really don’t care, and I feel like no one believes me! Why is our culture so obsessed with gender?
That’s something worth considering. How much of this is really your feelings, and how much of it is society’s influence on you and what gender or sex even means?
ETA: I can definitely sympathize and understand gender disappointment, but in my case, I don't think it's something I personally will experience. Hope that makes sense.
@princesslockness I'm sure any other school will be thrilled to have her! :end sarcasm:
I don't think we have that here but tbh I could be completely wrong. I'm actually interested to find out...
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Obviously I have no idea what my daughter will actually be like or if we will be that close, but I don't see anything wrong with having those hopes/dreams (and don't see how you even avoid having hopes/dreams for your future kids?) and if my kid ends up identifying as a male or majorly rebels or doesn't want to be close to me like that, I will adjust accordingly.
But I also think even with society's increased acceptance of gender fluidity and the gender spectrum, there will always be gender stereotypes, and that's in part because those stereotypes will continue to be accurate for a large number of people. And I don't really see anything wrong with painting a room pink and slapping bows all over a baby girl or dreaming of ballet classes and wedding dress shopping as long as you are open to her hating all that stuff once she is old enough to make her own style decisions.
Me: 37, MH: 38; Married August 2017
TTC #1 October 2017: BFP on 12/1/2017, DD born 7/24/2018 @ 37+1 after induction due to preeclampsia
TTC #2 January 2020: AMA, dx with DOR in May 2020
IVF July 2020: 16 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 12 fertilized, 3 blasts, 2 PGT-A normal
FET 10/7/20: BFP on 10/12/20!!! (EDD 6/25/21); First beta 10/16/20 (9dpt): 148; Second beta 10/19/20 (12dpt): 621; Third beta 10/26/20 (19dpt): 4732; Fourth (and final!) beta 11/2/20 (26 dpt): 22,000+
About the weight gain... I'm so glad that we can talk openly and honestly about it. Last pregnancy I made a rule for myself, I left the weigh-ins to the doctors and let bring it up if they felt they needed to. They never did. I did my best to make healthy choices and all that but the number on the scale means so so little with regards to a healthy pregnancy.
Also on team couldn't care less about if this one is a boy or a girl. This is a super hot-button issue between me and DH. He's very much hoping this is a girl and tells everyone we meet exactly that. We've got two boys at home, my step-son and our son. I consider myself so incredibly blessed to have these two amazing kids in my life that the idea of adding another baby - boy or girl - to the mix is so exciting. Now, here's the thing, this doesn't mean that I won't offer support if you're feeling disappointed that you won't get to experience having a son or a daughter. I understand that you need to mourn the loss of a future that you might *think you won't get to experience. (I say *think because there are a gazillion things that could change, your kid might not identify later as the sex he/she was born, you might change your mind and have additional kids later, etc...) Anyway, I think our community is pretty amazing to be able to support people who need it, regardless of whether or not you agree with the reason.
I've been trying to think of an UO all morning...
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
ETA @lalala2004 I especially love your comment about wedding dress shopping. I love that many people are breaking free from the 'expectation' to get married.
Married 9/28/13
DS born 11/12/15
EDD 8/13/18
I also know that no matter what anyone feels now, when they put that baby in your arms, you’ll never have imagined wanting him/her to be any different.
ETA: well that’s a lie, if this baby sleeps like DS, I’m going to wish he slept
Me: 37 Him: 38
Married 11.07.2015
I think the main issue I have with the disappointment is when you let it run your life. You are depressed, saddened, can't find the will to care about baby . . . type of thing. We had several on my first BMB who seriously could not get past the sex.
I think you should take a ~week or so to adjust, then move on. Don't dwell or let it knock you around. Its nothing you could have done, and all on the luck of the race/ DHs swimmers.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
I also haven't been active on the "fit mom" board so that may be where I am missing this sort of discussion on here. Have always been more of a diet control person than an exercise person mostly due to time restriction and lack of motivation.
TLDR: Did not mean to insinuate that people who gained more were not trying and would never say that. Just not a fan of "don't worry about it" as the answer to how to manage pregnancy weight gain.
Married: 6/2016
TTC #1: 12/2016
Benched due to deployment- Off the bench 8/8/17!
@legallykate I don’t have specific hopes and expectations for my child, especially not based on their sex. I want to teach them to be a decent person and support them in their own goals. I’ll give them my advice or opinion, but I’m not going to tell them what to aspire to.
I’ve actually heard my MIL tell my SIL “I was excited to have a girl to cook and sew with, but then I got you.” She was joking, but WTF? My SIL heard “jokes” like that all her life, and their relationship is garbage. I’m not saying anyone would say something like that to their kid, but even so, kids are receptive and pick up on people’s expectations of them. I want to raise a child that isn’t afraid to be who they are. It’s extremely important to me. Fuck gender norms.
My UO is name related. I do not like more than one middle name. I don't understand why it's ever necessary. I feel like using more than one middle name just shows that the parents were really indecisive and now the kid is saddled with a complicated name forever.
There were also several women who were like "the only reason I had another kid is because I want a girl/boy" and I would absolutely snark those women, because seriously? Not a great reason, your chances are 50/50, and it hasn't worked for you before, so what are you doing.
Might take a step back for a while guys. Really didn't mean to offend anyone and feeling kind of gross about it all.
But on the receiving end, please don't let it affect your relationship with your kiddos regardless of what you "wanted". I don't think many of you will, but you never know.
I was not the daughter my mom wanted, not by a long shot...and I heard about it a lot growing up. I was continually made to feel like a disappointment...just for being me. I was an only child living in the country without neighbors, so I had to entertain myself for hours while my parents worked. I wasn't interested in dresses or dolls or painted nails or pretty hair. I'd rather wear overalls and play with toy dump trucks in the dirt pile outside. I'd rather spend hours exploring and fishing in the creek around our property and playing in the woods, than play house or have tea parties.
And even to this day I'm resentful of my mother for how unwanted she made me feel growing up. So you know what? I took my best friend wedding dress shopping with me instead. :P
Dont hang back. You’re totally allowed your opinion and shouldn’t feel like you need to apologize for it.
I honestly at this point don't even care what I am having. I having this feeling it is a boy but what do I know. No matter what I really don't have any preconceived notions of what my kid will be like. Maybe I am still in total shock that this is actually happening.
I had an UO this morning but now I can't remember it.
My unpopular opinion is I hate when people change the vowels in their children's name for no reason. Madisyn, Jordyn, etc. Someone may have already brought that up and if so, sorry for repeating!
Hello from Detroit!
I don’t want to kick you when you’re down, but let’s be real, here. This is an UO thread and you made a post about weight gain. How did you really think it was going to be received?
@lalala2004 right. Next time I will remember that it is actually a popular opinions thread and must fit with what others expect. And that FTMs are the minority here and are going to get raked over the coals for asking for help in areas other people might think are common knowledge or stupid. And I didn't specifically ask for anyone to be my diet manager, just said the discussions that have happened here about weight or when others have asked have been unhelpful. I realize that was an unpopular opinion and must have misinterpreted what this thread was for.
Having a seriously bad day at work and am emotional. For the last time, I'm sorry and I would be very happy if this topic was dropped for good.