Advice for First-Time Moms

northbeach3

Hi Experienced mamas, please share your words of wisdom with us first-time moms.
First-time moms, don't be shy... throw out your pressing concerns, no matter how weird or silly!

here are some of mine:

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill?
• what did you do/take for nausea?
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking?
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now?
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go?

Lisa3379

1. Regarding yourself, or the baby? Call a doctor when you have a feeling that something may be wrong. I'll tell you, when I was pregnant with DS, being a part of my December 2016 community was SO valuable in alleviating concerns as the pregnancy went along, and for that matter, up until now! It was comforting knowing that other people were going through the same things, and honestly, probably saved me a bunch of calls to the doctor. We still talk every day about our toddlers and what's going on with them. But yeah, if you feel in your gut that something might be wrong, err on the side of caution. 

2. I had evening nausea last pregnancy, and I didn't take anything, I just dealt with it. It wasn't that bad, though. I'd wake up in the morning totally fine, so knock on wood that the same thing happens again. 

3. No one ever really prodded me as to why I wasn't drinking! And I always have a drink when we go out. Maybe people guessed what was going on but didn't say anything? You could always carry around something else that looks like an alcoholic drink. 

4. As DS went from being a baby to now a 14-month-old, I felt sad that I let minor things stress me out when he was first born. I felt lame that all I did was lay on the couch with him and nurse him. I felt jealous when other people got to leave the house to run errands and I was stuck inside. I freaked out when DS took a long time (or what I thought was a long time) to stop crying. Oh man. Those days were easy compared to having a toddler! So I guess I'd say that I wish I had forced myself to relax and soak up the newborn stage, no matter how sleep-deprived it was. 

Another thing: if you have even the slightest inkling that nursing isn't working well (supply issues, pain, etc) see a lactation consultant right away. I put it off, mostly because of pride I think, until DS's 2-week appointment, when we found out that yeah, I was having supply issues because he'd nurse for 45 minutes many times a day, and he still hadn't reached his birth weight yet. I felt like a total jerk that I didn't do anything sooner. We had to supplement with formula, which was fine, but I blamed myself that he started off so little. 

5 We kinda had 2 babymoons! We went to Europe for a couple of weeks right around 21-22 weeks, which was great. If you're going to travel, do it during 2nd trimester when you're less likely to feel sick and still able to reasonably move around without feeling like a total whale. Then around 30 weeks, we went to Hawaii for a few days for a friend's wedding. That was perfect - while Europe was go go go, Hawaii was so relaxing, which was needed while being that pregnant. 

pebbledam

My question: How do you sleep? This insomnia is kicking my ass! I'm taking melatonin and benedryl and I have lavender oil in my diffuser. Any other suggestions?

sammierose464

You read my mind!! I was just thinking about posting this exact question since it looks like we have a good mix. Thanks experienced Mama's, because this brand new momma needs advice! 

I was an older teen when my youngest siblings were born, so I'm no stranger to babies. My step son was 3 when I came into his life. I'm more nervous about the next 9 - 12 months!

keiragann

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? Early in the pregnancy I would call for spotting or bleeding, or excessive vomiting. 
• what did you do/take for nausea? Vitamin B6 and 1/2 a unisom tablet. The prescription version of this is called Dicleges ( or something similar) also water with lemon helped a ton 
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? I don’t drink very much so I don’t know. I might just get a drink that looks like an alcoholic one. 
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now? I didn’t need half the things I bought, make a plan but be ready to throw it out the window, babies don’t sleep 
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go? Nope I hated being pregnant so I didn’t go very many places. 

twinpeaksmama

1. During the early part of your pregnancy call your doctor for vomiting or bleeding that doesn't stop, headache that's not resolved with Tylenol, chest pain, sudden weight gain, or blurred vision. Once you start counting kicks later in the pregnancy please call your doctor if you suddenly notice a decrease in movement. Honestly, I called my OB a few times with concerns during my first pregnancy and they were always very kind. Don't ever feel like you're bothering them by calling, that's what they're there for.

2. For nausea, lemon water was a lifesaver. I also kept saltines by my bedside and I would eat a few before I got out of bed in the morning, which also seemed to help. 

3. I don't really drink so no one ever questioned me.

4. Things I know now, that I wish I knew then:
- It's ok to have a birth plan, but be mentally prepared should things go awry. I wasn't planning on a c-section, but in the end it was totally fine. I'm having a repeat c-section with this baby and I have no regrets..

- Most baby gadgets are a waste of money 

- Don't buy a ton of newborn clothing, they will wear it for a day if you're lucky. 

-No matter how cute that baby comforter set is, you will most likely only use the fitted sheet. 

- Sleep sacks are the best!

5. We went to the beach when I was 8 months pregnant...it was awful.

Lisa3379

Regarding newborn clothing: it kinda depends. DS was in newborn clothing for awhile because he was a little guy. I had a ton of 0-3 month stuff, but very newborn things until a friend came through and gave us some. I'll say this: he basically lived in pajamas for at least a month, so newborn onesies and pants sets were useless for us. 

Another thing: velcro swaddles saved my ass, because I am the worst swaddler ever. 

And ditto to the fitted sheet thing. DS is 14 months and we still just use a sheet with him wearing a sleep sack. 

cdepperschmidt

@twinpeaksmama yeah, beach super pregnant sucked! I was like 7 months. DH wanted to go to the bar and I was like ugh. At least this time we’ll have DS too.

My advice to all FTMs is to take care of yourself! Now, when you’re super pregnant and after the birth! It’s not worth it to burn out! 

keiragann

My DS was 8 pounds 4oz he wore newborn clothes for a week  

Gizmo1231

I'm stuck in the box! 

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? I am always team call the doctor. If you are anxious or stressed about it why not? 
• what did you do/take for nausea? I'm a lucky one who hasn't gotten sick with my pregnancy before. 
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? I'm pregnant. Ha!
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now? That everyone will have advice to give you- and the best advice will be to do things and make decisions that will be good for YOU and your family
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go? Nope, but we go to FL every year for vacation 

olivemomma

A few useful tips on the not drinking out in public...
1. Actually order a drink - then excuse yourself to go to the restroom and track down your server and have them actually make it virgin without the rest of your party knowing
2. If you are with your partner (or a trusted friend who knows early on) order the same thing as them and have them drink both (you just have to look like you take a sip occasionally). This fooled me several times when my friends were pregnant!
3. Tell your friends you are giving up drinking for a month or for some weird diet of which I know a ton don’t allow alcohol 

Also what I wish I knew then that I know now: I wish I would have enjoyed actually being pregnant more and savored my last few months of just being me without a constant sidekick around. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids - but I think so many women get pregnant and are so focused on having the baby that it’s easy to forget these are really your last months for a long time when you can focus on yourself, pee in privacy, get in and out of the car without the hassle of a car seat and stroller, etc. 

krzyriver

1. When should you legit call the doctor?
I don’t see anything wrong with calling if you’re back feeling unsure. They honestly don’t care. It’s better than using Dr. Google who will scare you every time. 

2. What do you do for morning sickness?
Earth Mama Angel Baby Morning Wellness Tea and Preggie Pops

3. What do I wish I’d known?
Plan all you want the next 9 months, but some things will not go as planned and that’s ok. You will know what’s right for you and your baby when the time comes. Changing your plan/doing things differently/not being successful at things you looked forward to does not mean you failed at anything. 

northbeach3

thanks ladies, great suggestions... keep them coming.  i did LOL at the women who said the beach was an awful experience at 7-8 months... i was trying to plan a cruise in july (wk26-28) when my DH will be able to take time off and then i realized that the cruise lines restrict boarding to women less than 24 weeks preggo.  boo.

sammierose464

We go on a camping trip every year that first week of July. I'll be 6 months exactly. Hoping I'll be feeling well enough to enjoy it!

nasalot188

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? If you are concerned and it's keeping you up at night or causing you stress/anxiety you should call. Also, depend on this group. I was a FTM in May16 and everyone was so helpful with anyone's concerns.
• what did you do/take for nausea? Saltine crackers work amazing. Keep them on your nightstand for quick access.
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? I would empty a can of beer and fill it with water ha!
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now? Women are often terrified of a long painful Labour, however a short Labour is just as terrifying. I had a precipitous Labour with my first and it was a whirlwind experience. Have a plan but also be prepared to throw it out the window. This includes an epidural!
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go? We did a small Babymoon to Florida. It was nice to enjoy that time just the 2 of us.

mwmiller4

I will second the Velcro swaddles being a lifesaver!! Our DD was a swaddle junkie and they were the only thing to contain the chaos. 

I swear that working out 20-30 minutes 5 days a week made my pregnancy and labor so much easier. It’s the #1 thing I tell people (especially after the first trimester when they’re feeling better). It also helped my anxiety which was (and still is) pretty intense.

One of my favorite memories from my miscarriage pregnancy was going to my husband’s Christmas party and having a deal with the bartender where he’d make me soda waters with lime in an old fashioned glass so it looked like I was drinking gin and tonics. He was so genuinely excited to be “in” on it—it was so sweet. I found all waiters/bartenders to be similarly kind. 

12chachacha

1. If there’s something worrying you, just call. Even just for peace of mind.
2. I didn’t get it too badly but I did switch to taking my prenatal at night and that seemed to help.
3. Nothing, and no one asked! 
4. Looking back I stressed so much over things like getting on a routine, getting her to sleep on her own, trying to “play” with her when she was awake (brain development!). This time around I’m going to try and let those things go.
Also, and this is a big one: I really struggled with breastfeeding. Several Lactation consultants and none could get her to latch. I ended up EPing and supplementing with formula. I was obsessed with trying to make enough to get her off formula. I felt so much guilt and shame. I was convinced my child would lose out by not being exclusively bf. I was exhausted and cried a lot. I had a nurse tell me that while breastfeeding was good, a happy and healthy mom was more important for my daughter. I wish I had listened to her. This time around I know it will be impossible for me to EP again (not fair to my daughter) so I hope I’m in a place where I can confidently choose formula if breastfeeding doesn’t work out. So my advice to you is, Fed is best.
5. We had a weekend away for our honeymoon which was nice. Wish we’d had a longer trip.

KFrob

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? I'm with everyone else and you should trust your gut.  There is no harm in calling the doctor's office and speaking with a nurse.  They will either tell you to come in (or bring baby in) or calm you down. 
• what did you do/take for nausea? I'm with @nasalot188  crackers on the nightstand was key!!  Lemonade!  I used to keep a package of peanut butter crackers with me at all times too.
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking?  I was terrible and my friends were on to me immediately, I have no advice... 
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now?  See the lactation consultant even if you feel comfortable with breastfeeding.  We were doing great in the hospital and then 5 days later I was crying at every feed with bleeding nipples and ended up EPing.  I agree with @mwmiller4 I also feel like my pregnancy and labor were much easier since I kept up with exercise.  Make sure to take time to yourself after baby is born for self care.  It's going to be harder than you think especially if like me you're a self sacrificer, but mom needs to be happy!  
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go?  We went on a babymoon/honeymoon to Paris and Prague when I was 7 months.  Pay extra for the leg room!!  

Edit bc I stink at tagging...

jengibre_zorro

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? It's always worth calling.  Most docs have a nurses line, and even a 24-hour one.  It's their job, so call with reckless abandon
• what did you do/take for nausea? I just stuck it out and ate rice for 6 weeks
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? a. order a club soda with lime in a rocks glass (make sure to specify the glass). b. i have a late night conference call with China.  c. I'm meeting with a personal trainer in the morning.  d.  some kind of medical test in the morning i need to fast for.  e. I'm doing whole 30!
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now?  There's very little you have control over, so try not to stress.  No matter how much you went through to get this baby, some days will suck, and that's fine.  Also, see as many movies in the theater as you can.  it's gonna be a LONG time before you go back.  Also, hire a doula if you have the financial means.
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go?  We went to Austin around 20 weeks, and it was a blast!  I also ended up going to Vegas for work at 33 weeks, and had a surprisingly good time, all things considered.  Also, always check with your doc first!

jengibre_zorro

So many people are mentioning nursing problems as well (i had a terrible time too).  I would ask to see the lactation consultant while you're in labor at the hospital.  The sooner they can visit you, the better.  I was in the hospital 2 days and had 7 LC visits, plus 4 additional visits in the following two weeks.  Yaaaassss to lactation consultants, they are a special kind of angel.  

olivemomma

Yes ditto on breastfeeding hardships! For something that they tell you should come naturally it was a PITA! My DD had a horrible latch and refused a bottle and I suffered through the pain for her but it was aweful. When I noticed a similar thing with my DS I talked to the lactation consultant my last day in the hospital and it all resolved almost immediately and we had a much better breastfeeding relationship. Take their advice and don’t be stubborn like I was!

lest12

pebbledam said:

My question: How do you sleep? This insomnia is kicking my ass! I'm taking melatonin and benedryl and I have lavender oil in my diffuser. Any other suggestions?

@pebbledam - I had really good luck last pregnancy with a cup of chamomile tea before bed.  It was the only thing that worked.  Worth a shot!

lest12

when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? I always called.  That's what they were there for.  what did you do/take for nausea? Ugh, I just try to keep some relatively healthy snacks on hand, munching seems to be the thing that helps me most.what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? Last night (superbowl party) I said I had an early morning at work... other times, I said I was the DD and let DH have a few... And then at home I would make myself a 'mocktail' and just pretend.what do you wish you knew then that you know now? 2 things.  1, as hard as it can be, try not to stress out so much.  If something is going to happen, it happens whether we use our energy worrying or not.  So try to enjoy everything.  And 2... that time in the hospital, right after you have the baby.  It goes so fast and is completely irreplaceable so cherish it as much you can.did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go? With DS, no, we didn't want to spend the $, but with DD we did a few nights away in the mountains, at a spa, which was very nice!

estellegetty

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? This time I called as soon as I got a positive test. Last time we got pregnant through an IVF cycle so the doctor was very involved. 
• 
  
• what did you do/take for nausea? I was really lucky last time and didn't need to take anything. 
• 
  
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? I got really lucky last time bc we found out in January so I just told everyone I was doing dry January. This time I will tell my friends I am doing a workout challenge (I've done them before) and so I'm not drinking for a few weeks! 
• 
  
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now? How fast time goes! Babies are only babies for a short little time then they become these little people with their own opinions and thoughts on the world. Enjoy things as they come! 
• 
  
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go? We did. We went to Miami and it was amazing! I don't know what we will do this time since we would have to find someone to watch DD or bring her? 

sammierose464

The alcohol part has been the easiest so far. 3 weeks ago I started a new workout program that is no drinking for the 3 months of the program. People were already used to me doing that, and no one questions it when I use it now. 

acciocoffee

• when should you legit call the doctor vs. take a chill pill? It's better to call the doctor than to Google anything. My sister had her first baby 6 months before I had DD so I actually called her whenever I was worried. This time I have a friend who is almost 2 months ahead of me, so I've been texting her for the last 24 hours since I told her I was pregnant. Some doctors also have patient portals where you can send a message to either a nurse or directly to your OB. I used that a lot in my first pregnancy. 
• what did you do/take for nausea? First time, saltines and ginger ale. I also have those Sea Bands which work for the mild nausea, but I am eager for all the nausea this time, so I probably won't use them for a while. 
• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? I usually just say I have a sore throat or that I haven't had any waterthat day so I need to drink a couple glasses first or I'll get a headache. 
• what do you wish you knew then that you know now? I wish I would have enjoyed my first pregnancy more. I was so afraid of something going wrong that I really couldn't enjoy it all. 
• did you take a babymoon? where/when did you go? No. But we have a CO trip planned for July so I guess we are kind of getting one with this baby. I know a girl who did a cruise at 30+ weeks and she hated it. 

northbeach3

@acciocoffee thanks for the anecdote about the friend and the cruise... i was bummed, but then I had to remind myself that i already get terrible motion sickness and am already feeling nauseous daily at 5w... so you're right, it's a terrible idea!!  my latest vacation fantasies have been a house on a lake.

northbeach3

ooh, one more question... what time do you stop drinking liquids before bed?  i've been getting terrible sleep and part of is that i don't fall back asleep easily after getting up to pee (anxiety/racing thoughts)... i figure, if I can drink less before bed... maybe i won't need to get up to pee.

cdepperschmidt

@northbeach3 I wouldn’t focus on that. It’s just going to be your reality. Otherwise you’ll get dehydrated and that will make your nausea worse.

I also what to put my two sense in on nursing. I was lucky enough that DS never struggled too much. I did get mastitis twice and he never wanted to wean (he still asks). But I put so much pressure on myself to EBF and pump at work. It’s NOT worth it. Formula is okay. For this baby I’m not giving up my lunch and planning time to pump everyday. I’m going to be okay with formula at daycare. 

estellegetty

@sammierose464 Were you doing 80 day obsession? I was so my friends all know I wasn’t drinking anyway...

sammierose464

@estellegetty I was! I'm so sad to stop, but I know it's the best for me. I was loving (most) of the program. I haven't done anything since last Monday, the day before we found out.

kimberbeep

When would someone normally go for their first dr. visit? I was surprised that the office I called said not until the 2nd week in March...

Lisa3379

@kimberbeep my first ultrasound isn't happening until March 27 (I'm 4 weeks today). That's about 2 months after conception for me, which is what happened last time, too. I think the typical time frame for that appointment can be anywhere from 6-11 weeks, depending on your doctor. 

kimberbeep

@lisa3379 - Thanks! Should I attempt to schedule so my husband can come too? 

KFrob

@kimberbeep I'd check to see how your doctor's office handles it.  Mine usually does a pregnancy confirmation appointment around 6 weeks.  Basically all they do is have you test to confirm you're pregnant and go over the dos and don'ts.  Then around 8 weeks they do the actual u/s and exam.  Some offices skip the confirmation and do the u/s as the first appointment.  My DH skipped the first one and went to the second since that was when all the action was happening.  

kimberbeep

Thanks @KFrob! Going to a new dr and it seems the office I found does the first appointment at 8-11 weeks. I'll confirm with them what they do at the appointment to see if my husband should come with, though it sounds like he'll probably want to. I'm having a hard time finding somewhere that has Saturday appointments though, so we'll both have to take off work. 

twinpeaksmama

With my first pregnancy my husband only came to the 20 week anatomy scan and honestly he didn't miss much at my other appts. He probably would have attended more of them, but he works about 45 minutes away and I didn't feel that it was necessary for him to miss work. We will probably do the same for this pregnancy as well.

mytrueloves

In general, an OB won't see you before 8 weeks, but there are always special circumstances. For instance, my first pregnancy I was on birth control when I conceived and I was seen right away in order to confirm if I was pregnant or not so I could continue my birth control if I wasn't. Some women with history of loss or history of infertility will be seen earlier. It just depends on your specific history. 

Lisa3379

@kimberbeep I think the first ultrasound appointment is a great one for DH to come to. Mine seemed happy he went. He also went to the anatomy scan, and that was it. All the other appointments were fairly uneventful. 

sunnyknightsarah

• what excuses did you use to say why you weren't drinking? Before my miscarriages, while I was pregnant I would arrive early to happy hours and let the bartender know I was pregnant and they were always excited to help me pretend I was drinking. I’d order a “vodka cranberry” and they’d give me regular cranberry juice with lime . Also, when we hosted thanksgiving, I had my husband drink a beer and then I washed it out and filled it with water. I drank the water and no one was the wiser  

This time around I had started working out hardcore Jan 1 and my friends already knew my resolution was giving up alcohol until I lost 15 pounds so now that I’m pregnant, I don’t really have to change anything. 

taylorleigh012

This is really awesome ! I'm new the group and a first time mommy-to-be ! Its really great reading all of the advice from moms out there as this is such an unknown adventure .