@Amphibious22 Thanks for the tips! Definitely should probably look away, too. I totally started retching even when I was holding my breath and picking up his poop. Changing diapers is going to be awesome!
I realise it's still a lot of work, but I think I did see an episode where Jackson Galaxy used an air spray deterrent (motion-activated sensor that sprays your cat with a hissing gust of air) right outside the bedroom door. This is likely to keep them out if that is your end goal. Here is an example.
Thankfully my boys seem to time their zoomies as we get into bed and they only last for 10 minutes or so, so they don't wake us up despite getting wild. They both have their own cat beds in our room and will retire to them after a brief cuddle session. Don't know if this helps, but I feed them earlier at 4.00pm and then they get Greenies around 7.30pm/8.00pm.
@lisa2589 Awesome, I think I'll try it! I kind of considered it but then I was like, "WTF if it opens up my airways making it EASIER to smell?" I did have a moment where I was like I need to find out what they use in post mortems, like that scene in Silence of the Lambs!
@silvergreen we usually put a dab inside a disposable face mask... which I will also admit I brought a handful home to use when I empty the diaper genie (thanks pregnancy super nose) and I’m pretty sure you can buy those at Walmart or places like that!
@silvergreen that is really helpful! Not exactly what I want to hear because we're basically doing everything wrong but hopefully it we can make the change and in a week or two we'll be back in business.
re: the aerosol air spray cans...they're crap. We bought one and the sensor was ish. It wouldn't catch the cat going right in front of it but it would get the dog from like 3 ft away and it scared the crap out of her. She already has anxiety that leads her to eat things and that really impacted her.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@krashke Oh no! Sorry to hear about the dog. I can't personally vouch for the sprays as I haven't used them myself, but good to note for others who are thinking about it!
I have 2 of these Contigo water bottles that are similar to Camelbak’s for DD and that’s what I use them for is water, never milk or juice because then she just sips on it all day. DH has started putting freaking orange juice in them for DD when he gets up with her in the morning. Like I shouldn’t complain because he gets up with her a lot in the morning when he’s not busy so I can sleep like another 45 minutes or whatever, but put the orange juice in a regular dang cup!
@kmurdock925 yes, my relationship with my three dogs has changed a lot, unfortunately. Before they were like my children and I catered to all needs real or imaginary. Now? They are more of a hazard because they don't like the toddler at all. My little one has bitten him and another one has snapped at him and therefore they're not really allowed around him at all right now. I keep them in the kitchen or the backyard when he's downstairs and they stay in the living room if we're in the kitchen. DS isn't big enough yet that I can talk to him about being gentle or leaving them alone and he doesn't know that it hurts when he grabs fistfuls of their skin and fur. It's sad. We've even talked about rehoming them, but they're also our babies and selfishly we don't want to have to do that.
My feelings with them have changed too, which makes me sad. I think it's that you are putting so much into family life that there's just not a lot that is left over. I had no idea it would be this way and if you'd told me before DS that it would happen, I would have argued vehemently.
But for my fellow feline owners, my relationship with the cats have not changed at all. If anything I've come to love and appreciate them more. Cats aren't needy or high maintenance like dogs are and they stay out of the boy's way, which prevents me from worrying how they're going to interact.
Austenista - isn't it crazy how that happens?? I will say, now that DD1 goes down easily at night evenings have been a time for me to spend more time with the dogs and cuddle them but I still know that they would love to have their "social life" back- and the exercise and mental stimulation was great for them too. We were so close to having our major titles but I just don't feel like it is in our cards now as I fear they'll be too old when I have the time back and don't want to put that pressure on their joints. We were going to go to Nationals before I was preg with my 1st.
I figure with DD1 (and 2 for that matter) is old enough she can learn how to train/run agility with our next pup and it will be a fun activity for us to do and since it will be together I won't have the mom guilt of leaving at night to go do stuff with the dogs, lol
RE: animals and kids, my perspective not as a mom but as a child (lol) whose parents had a ton of animals is................................. let the animals eff the kid up. Maybe that's an UO, but we had three cats and two big dogs when I was born, and admittedly my parents were lucky that the dogs/cats were all really calm as a baseline, but my parents showed me at a really young age how to interact with the cats/dogs, and if I didn't listen, I got scratched. I think I got scratched maybe once or twice before I was like oh, we don't eff with the cats' tails anymore. Obviously if the issue had been the big dogs biting me or something it would have been a much bigger deal, but I personally don't really think a swipe from a cat is a big deal in the scheme of things, and it didn't traumatize me or anything - I still love animals (though in full transparency I am a dog person and think many cats are assholes so there is that) .
@doxiemoxie212 fair. But it's difficult to gauge a dog, especially if they've been corrected for growling. Then you've removed the warning. My concern is that if I were to have to take him to the emergency room because my dog attacked him whether it was his fault or theirs, they might seize the dog and force me to put her down. The time she bit him she was SO close to his eye. A lot of people have judged me hard for not getting rid of her, but she's still here, in the kitchen, getting what attention she can when baby is sleeping.
@Austenista yeah, biting is definitely a bigger situation than scratching because scratching is rarely an extended attack, but it can be scary that a dog might just decide I MUST END YOU or something with biting even though that's super rare. And I 100% understand the worry and stress of it. I think my only additional point would be (again, I am a FTM, and I am an only child, so grains of salt abound) DH has 3 younger brothers, and he never had any pets at all, and he has scars all over from his brothers attacking him with forks and knives and their fists and anything they could get their hands on. Like he has this giant scar on his hand below his thumb from one of his brothers attacking him. So I don't feel like you should feel guilty about trying to make it work with your pets - it's not like you'd rehome a kid if they kept trying hit their sibling in the face over and over, or feel guilty about keeping the kid, etc. (though... uh... hopefully your kids are better behaved than DH and his brothers were.... I hope everyone who is reading this has better behaved kids than DH and his brothers...)
@doxiemoxie212 thanks for not judging. I've done everything I could to keep them. We paid $$ to have our backyard fenced in for them to play in, they have huge, glorious beds in the kitchen to lay on. They're two shih-tzu's and a maltese so fortunately not high energy dogs. They sleep all day err day no matter where they are. Ultimately, we just decided that until further notice we'd keep them apart for his safety and theirs.
@Austenista Reading your post is slightly breaking my heart DH and I adooooore our dog (I mean I know everyone loves their dogs but seriously, she is our non human child). She's a major lap dog/cuddler so I know she's going to be jealous about getting less snuggle time but I hope I never have to feel that she is a nuisance. It'll be in all of our bests interests if I work on better training with her when it comes to stay etc. - but man dachshunds are stubborn when it comes to listening.
My dog didn't like dd for a long time. He still prefers our company to hers but he will play with her now and comes to her for food and treats. I never, ever left him alone with her when she was a baby and he's rarely alone with her now.
He doesn't get as much attention and spoiling (though he is still spoiled) as he used to. We felt bad that we both work all day and then had dd and he got less attention. So, he goes to doggy daycare once a week. It's not super expensive one day a week and he gets to socialize and exercise and he LOVES it! He legitimately knows when it's daycare day and gets so excited!
We didn't have our cats when dd was born so I will be interested to see what that dynamic is like with this baby. Our cats are all annoying jerks at bedtime so they get to be shut downstairs at night.
He met his now-wife at West Point, which he was kicked out of, but she stayed, and ended up getting a full ride from the army to a very prestigious masters program. She still works for the army (and has some very lucrative exit options once she's fulfilled her contract), but she has the opportunity now to go back to West Point to teach and get her PhD somewhat nearby. They currently live in the south, so this would require them to move, obviously. BIL doesn't want her to do it because it might hinder his chances to move up at his job -- he is a corrections officer at one of those terrible, terrible, terrible prisons. He brags about violating inmates' rights. Like, are you kidding me that you don't want your extraordinarily smart, accomplished wife to continue building her career (that has a much more likely possibility of providing for your family) so that you can continue to be excited by the idea you get to carry a gun and might get to shoot an inmate one day? At this point, DH doesn't ever want to see BIL again. DH has two other younger brothers, and they both agree. It sucks though because BIL's wife is great, and their kid (14 mo) is cute AF. Like, wtf.
We got our pup in October of 2014, and then found out we were expecting in Nov 2014. Honestly, we probably wouldn't of gotten her if it was the other way around. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE her, and she is AMAZING with DD, but I feel bad that we don't spend that much time with her. She is definitely a dog that needs walked, and attention. It is easier in the summer when DH and I are off, and in the Fall our cousin walks her twice a week since I coach. We're currently having a big barking/growling issue, with anyone and anything that walks by our house, that we're working on and it just drains you. Esp when you get to the end of the day, and all you want is for the dog to stop! Lots of hugs to all the fur baby mamas that feel guilty
Me: 28 | Husband: 39 Married March 2016 DD: born 7.22.16 DS EDD: 6.23.18
@kmurdock925 question of the century. The entire family is confused by it. They were really young when they met (19) and got engaged like, 6 months later? And never spent more than a few hours/week together until they got married a few years later, but even then it wasn't much because he joined the army and was deployed for a while (and then got medically discharged because he got.... IDK what they call it, something-induced asthma from all the sand in the mideast? He was miserable about it because he couldn't shoot people anymore... sigh). So it's really only been the last year that they've actually lived together and spent time together. I think they're 27 now? IDK. It's so effed up. I've already said for the past year that I would never let our kids go over to their house because BIL keeps a bunch of guns everywhere, not even locked up. UGH it makes me so angry when I think about it too much.
@doxiemoxie212 - that sounds like an absolute trainwreck. DH complains about guys like that that he is in the guard with. They're in the guard so they don't have to have as much as a commitment but want to brag about guns and shooting and what not...but the ironic part is they're in the FD so they don't even shoot other than training and such. They're not even issued weapons while deployed... How long was he deployed to get sand related asthma!??! SOO many guys deploy and I've never heard of such a thing. Seems like something to get disability payments...that sounds jaded but people have had crazier...
ps...guns sitting around are no joke...so not cool
@kmurdock925 Less than a year. I don't think he got anything from the army, actually. He wanted to stay, and they wouldn't let him. It was really weird. Especially since he also got kicked out of West Point...? Like, we all know he lies a lot, but it makes me wonder exactly what the truth is.
Maybe this is my UO but I don't think guns need to locked up. I wouldn't leave a loaded gun unlocked and I don't like hand guns in general (I don't think they are necessary) but MH's hunting rifle isn't locked up. There are still some safety precautions like not leaving the bullets anywhere near the gun or moreover just lock up the bullets. But growing up my dads gun was just in the closet and we learned about it so it wasn't this exciting thing. It was just there. We didn't show our friends we didn't think we had found some forbidden fruit.
Kind of how I feel about drinking. The kids that were forbidden from any type of alcohol consumption at home are the ones that end up drinking irresponsibly when they get to college.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@krashke I think if you've got a good gun education, then your stance makes sense. That's how we grew up. We knew my dad's guns were in the closet and we knew they were not for us. We weren't even allowed in my dad's closet. From a young age we were taught never to point toy guns/weapons at people. Then when we were old enough to handle/shoot guns, we were taught to treat every gun we held as if it were loaded.
All that being said, I don't think this level of education and respect is the norm in many households (<----Gross generalization, I know). That being the case, I would advocate that guns SHOULD be locked up.
Edited because too many "that being saids" and it was irritating.
@krashke yeah, honestly I'm pretty anti-gun across the board (I grew up in an area where no one had guns, so they seem very weird/foreign to me, and obv the whole vegetarian thing means I don't love the idea of hunting lol ), but with BIL he literally has a bunch of loaded hand guns around. He brought one with us to Whole Foods without telling any of us. When DH and I stayed with them a year ago, we locked our bedroom door at night because we both thought it was plausible that BIL might think it's funny to wake DH up with a gun in his face, sooooo pretty sure I'm never staying there ever again ever.
But I hear what you're saying -- if you live in an area where guns are around, then kids should be exposed to them, understand how they work, etc., just like alcohol, and I do think there is a big difference between hand guns, hunting rifles and semi-automatic weaponry, and discussions around guns should include those discrepancies.
@LaceyBee522 definitely on treating every gun as if it is loaded! That's what we were always taught. I never actually shot a gun until I was engaged to MH because after learning about it and my dad showing me his, I had no interest in them. When I was like 24 I wanted to try it so my FIL and MH took me clay pigeon shooting. I still don't think I could ever actually shoot an animal or anything animate.
@doxiemoxie212 when I was a vegetarian the only meat or fish I would actually consider eating what something that was hunted. I am way more against factory farming and commercially produced meat products than I am hunted game. My family only hunts for food not for sport. They don't have hunting trophies or anything like that. My dad hasn't actually gotten anything in probably 15 years because he really just goes to sit in a tree in the woods alone with peace and quiet.
*TW LC*
Me & MH: 32 DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU) TTC #2: 12/2019 Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
@krashke I totally understand that perspective, and I agree that factory farming is so so so much worse than virtually any alternative. I meant more that as a vegetarian, I personally don't have any interest in hunting lol. I've thought about it a lot, and I really think I would die if there were an apocalypse, and I was by myself, and I had to kill an animal to survive. Maybe instinct would kick in or something, but I think I would just waste away and die (which I'm not necessarily saying is a great trait of mine lol).
When DD was born, we had a pit/mastiff mix. We were a little worried but he did great. He loved her and let her do all sorts of things he wouldn't let us do- like putting necklaces on him. We were very careful anytime the kids were near him, but we never had an issue. We ended up rehoming him later on, but not anything to do with the kids.
Re: Guns There's going to be a large portion of the time that you're in the presence of someone who is carrying concealed and you wouldn't know it unless they needed to use it or they took it off in front of you once they got home (which they really shouldn't...). H and I both have our carry conceal permits. I have one pistol, he has two. We also have a handful of rifles/shotguns because we both go hunting. We teach SS gun safety, and feel comfortable with him grabbing our pistols and handling them if he ever needed to (by handling, I don't mean shooting; he hasn't gotten to that point). He knows what not to ever touch, knows how to take the magazine out of a pistol and make sure there's no round in the barrel, and has been shown multiple times where the safeties are on our shotguns/rifles and what way they should be when handled. He also knows that safeties aren't 100%, and even if a safety is on, it should still be handled like it's not. He also knows not to point any weapon at any other person, or any thing you would never intend to actually shoot. He makes sure not to point his Nerf guns at us when we go in his room, unless we're having a Nerf war. We also have a full-size safe that we keep our rifles/shotguns in, H's second handgun, and all of our ammo. My brothers' kids love to pretend to shoot people, so if they ever come over to our house, we make sure our handguns are locked up. Most of my brothers would never have a weapon in the house while their children are young (which is fine! their choice!), and as a result, they just haven't taught their kids safety about weapons. I wouldn't even come close to trusting them with a weapon, loaded or unloaded, so I wouldn't take that chance.
Re: Animals This is long winded and detailed, but long story short: if a dog is attacking a child, as much as I love animals and couldn't imagine re-homing my own dogs, they need to be retrained or rehomed.
If a dog is flat out attacking a child, then the dog needs to be rehomed, retrained, or needs to be put down. Whether that was provoked or unprovoked. I'm sorry, but a dog is not more important than a child. I have two, and they're like my kids; I can't imagine having to ever rehome them, but if at any point in time they flat out attacked my child, I wouldn't ignore it and just keep them separated but in the same house. I would try to retrain them, and if there were still issues, try to find a child-free home for them.
My SS's biological mother had a GSD-mix that didn't get along with SS at all. The dog hated him. SS was only there on weekends, and the dog viewed him as an intruder every time he was there. The dog started by just nipping his fingers and toes when he was over there, and eventually escalated to attacking him outright when he was left alone with SS. It wasn't a severe attack, but it was an attack none-the-less. The dog had went for his abdomen. We told his bio-mum that we weren't allowing him back in her home as long as she had the dog. Her solution was to have a friend write a note saying they were taking ownership of the dog, lie that the dog was rehomed, and really just had this friend watch the dog on weekends when SS was there. (We learned this later on.) And then one weekend SS was there, and her friend didn't want to watch the dog, and the dog went for SS's neck. He ended up in the ER, and SS's bio-mum told the hospital and the animal control officer that she would be putting the dog down. We called the dog control officer ourselves to make sure that she knew the dog had attacked SS, and she hadn't received confirmation that the dog was put down (this was the response we got from her 3-4 days after the incident). The next day, she went to SS's bio-mother's house herself, left a warning on their door that the dog was to be put down, and when it was still ignored for a few days, she had to wait for them to get home, explain that no they couldn't just rehome the dog (because that was her plan, after lying about rehoming the dog before - I'm sorry but we weren't taking that chance and neither was the DCO), and took the dog herself to make sure he was put down.
Is it sad that the dog had to be put down? Yes. But that dog was not more important than my SS's safety. His bio-mother was given the opportunity to rehome the dog to a child-free home, so that her own child was kept safe, and she refused. And as a result, SS was bitten less than an inch from his carotid. Any harder of a bite, any closer to his carotid, or any delay in getting that dog off of him, and there's a really large chance he would have died.
@izza2 I’m with you regarding the dogs. My mom is an OR surgery nurse at a children’s hospital. They have a lot of cases when a family pet has attacked a child and they need their whole face sewn back together. It’s truely alarming how often she tells me stories of this happening. We have a small dog who tolerates our kids but if she were to attack them, she’d be gone.
@izza2 Yes and yes. DH has a permit and I feel infinitely safer knowing that he not only knows about firearms and firearm safety, but that he can use that knowledge to protect our family, and potentially someone else's family. It's not the people with CCW permits that I worry about; it's those who open carry. I also worry about people who own firearms but have no concern for safety or don't have any desire to learn about them. Knowledge is power. As for your stance on animals, I completely agree. One thing that has always bothered me is when people shrug off blatantly aggressive behavior, or don't even realize that it's aggressive ("Oh, Spot's like that with everybody. He's never bitten anyone; he's harmless.") I cannot stand to see pictures of babies/kids "playing" with dogs that are giving off all kinds of warning signs, like in the pic below .
We got lucky; our dogs and kids are crazy about each other. Even so, stuff happens, and if one of my dogs intentionally harmed a kid, I would not hesitate to have that dog put down.
I was going to put this in the UO thread, since the topic came up there, but I think this is really a rant. Sorry it’s so long!
I recently wrote a post on FB about my 1-year-old starting physical/occupational therapy, mostly because I wanted to sing the praises of Early Intervention and how amazing our experience has been, but also because I don’t hear a lot of moms talking about this kind of thing, and I thought someone might benefit from hearing about the process and our feelings about it. I got a bunch of wonderful comments/messages from friends/family/acquaintances who went through similar things, and I ended up being so glad I wrote the post.
A couple days ago, I got a message from an old high school friend who I know has a daughter in therapy for a variety of challenges. It started off with “I keep thinking about your really honest post about your son...” So I start reading it, and I am feeling really touched. But then, in the second paragraph, I realize this is all a segue into her trying to recruit me to her stupid Juice Plus team!!!! Mothereffing MLMs!!! I have seriously been raging that she used this honest, vulnerable moment with my son to try and suck me into a ridiculous snake-oil scheme. I have just ignored the message so far, but I feel so tempted to tell her what an unbelievably distasteful and offensive move this was. And this women used to be an RN! And now she’s selling magic vitamins and apparently has not an ounce of shame.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
@kfren - OMG, those videos on FB with the dogs trying to attack their owner, clearly terrified out of their mind, and the owner just laughing and everything thinking it's hysterical... I can't watch those or look at comments because it pisses me off so much! No, it's not funny that your dog is growling at you, or trying to bite you when you kiss your s/o. Our dogs get super excited and will lick our hands if we hold hands in front of them, and try to get our attention and get their own love when we're hugging - that's funny. But if they were to growl, bare their teeth, or try to attack one of us? Heck no. That's not funny at all!
Ugh. Peoples' ignorance with animals gets me riled up.
Re: firearm safety -- *TW: death, suicide* We've recently had a string of unintentional shootings and deaths resulting from unsafe firearm handling in our area (~30 miles away, but still consider that our are). It's been teens who live in households with firearms, who weren't properly taught how to handle a firearm, and that it's not a toy to show off to your friends while you're drinking and having a fun time. One kid ended up shooting his friend on accident, and while their friends were calling 911 and trying to take care of the shot friend... the one who accidentally shot him went outside and committed suicide because he couldn't deal with the fact he had just shot his friend. I mean, it doesn't seem like a huge deal to some people to make sure their kids are actually thoroughly taught about firearm safety, and some seem to think that as long as they tell their kids not to touch the gun, they'll be okay. But it's not the reality of the situation, and then things like that happen as a result. Tragic.
@izza2 Yeah, animal aggression is nowhere near funny. I'm sorry to hear about what's going on near you. That's awful. Anyone who has ever been a teenager knows that they don't always make great decisions, as their brains are still developing in that arena. I think some people just assume their kids will always make good decisions.
This is just my opinion, but I think our general attitude as a nation is that if we address certain things, they will just pique kids' interest even further (sex, drugs, guns - I could go on all day) so it's best to either ignore the problem or just berate them for even being remotely curious and tell them to stay away, that's bad. It also doesn't help that we are obsessed with social media and that kids in general seem to not only lack empathy, but lack some social skills that cannot be taught by interacting with a screen.
I wasn't going to join in on the animal/pet discussion but I feel like I have to. @izza2 so much yes to what you said, but especially emphasis on retraining. I used to work as an animal behaviorist specifically for aggressive or extremely fearful dogs. A lot of the dogs I worked with were court ordered to be there. It's crazy how in most cases, the dogs needed very little training, but the owner needed a lot. I love the picture you posted @kfren and had a similar one posted in the training room. When people would come in and say their dog is the sweetest dog and has never shown any signs of aggression, but randomly and out of nowhere attacked/bit someone, it would be really hard for me to not roll my eyes. That situation has never and will never happen. Dogs ALWAYS give some sort or warning sign that they are annoyed or upset with a situation. If you want kids and dogs to live harmoniously, then it is your responsibility as the dog owner to recognize those signs and redirect dog or kid when you see them. A dog that is quick to bite is generally a dog whose warning signs have been ignored day in and day out and they have lost their patience. I am a firm believer in trying the retraining method first since 9 times out of 10 it can pretty much solve whatever problems you were having. I've only had one dog that ended up being put down and that was because the owner refused the believe in the positive reinforcement only method and the dog had become aggressive about having to wear his prong collar. Their son tried to put on the collar to walk him, he resisted, the kid insisted, and the dog bit.
Sorry for the long rant.. just something I'm kinda passionate about. TL;DR learn about dog language and train your dog!
Me 30 Him 30 Married August 2015 DS born 5/23/2018 TTC #2 July 2020
@MoonOverGoldsboro yes, the brainwashing with MLM sales techniques seems to be rulllll thorough. They just tell you over and over and over, "This is how you make a sale; you exploit vulnerability, you exploit people's desire to avoid being socially awkward to a friend." And I find that so effed up.
Re: The Rant Thread • w/o 1/29
I realise it's still a lot of work, but I think I did see an episode where Jackson Galaxy used an air spray deterrent (motion-activated sensor that sprays your cat with a hissing gust of air) right outside the bedroom door. This is likely to keep them out if that is your end goal. Here is an example.
Thankfully my boys seem to time their zoomies as we get into bed and they only last for 10 minutes or so, so they don't wake us up despite getting wild. They both have their own cat beds in our room and will retire to them after a brief cuddle session. Don't know if this helps, but I feed them earlier at 4.00pm and then they get Greenies around 7.30pm/8.00pm.
re: the aerosol air spray cans...they're crap. We bought one and the sensor was ish. It wouldn't catch the cat going right in front of it but it would get the dog from like 3 ft away and it scared the crap out of her. She already has anxiety that leads her to eat things and that really impacted her.
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
My feelings with them have changed too, which makes me sad. I think it's that you are putting so much into family life that there's just not a lot that is left over. I had no idea it would be this way and if you'd told me before DS that it would happen, I would have argued vehemently.
But for my fellow feline owners, my relationship with the cats have not changed at all. If anything I've come to love and appreciate them more. Cats aren't needy or high maintenance like dogs are and they stay out of the boy's way, which prevents me from worrying how they're going to interact.
Austenista - isn't it crazy how that happens?? I will say, now that DD1 goes down easily at night evenings have been a time for me to spend more time with the dogs and cuddle them but I still know that they would love to have their "social life" back- and the exercise and mental stimulation was great for them too. We were so close to having our major titles but I just don't feel like it is in our cards now as I fear they'll be too old when I have the time back and don't want to put that pressure on their joints. We were going to go to Nationals before I was preg with my 1st.
I figure with DD1 (and 2 for that matter) is old enough she can learn how to train/run agility with our next pup and it will be a fun activity for us to do and since it will be together I won't have the mom guilt of leaving at night to go do stuff with the dogs, lol
My dog didn't like dd for a long time. He still prefers our company to hers but he will play with her now and comes to her for food and treats. I never, ever left him alone with her when she was a baby and he's rarely alone with her now.
He doesn't get as much attention and spoiling (though he is still spoiled) as he used to. We felt bad that we both work all day and then had dd and he got less attention. So, he goes to doggy daycare once a week. It's not super expensive one day a week and he gets to socialize and exercise and he LOVES it! He legitimately knows when it's daycare day and gets so excited!
We didn't have our cats when dd was born so I will be interested to see what that dynamic is like with this baby. Our cats are all annoying jerks at bedtime so they get to be shut downstairs at night.
He met his now-wife at West Point, which he was kicked out of, but she stayed, and ended up getting a full ride from the army to a very prestigious masters program. She still works for the army (and has some very lucrative exit options once she's fulfilled her contract), but she has the opportunity now to go back to West Point to teach and get her PhD somewhat nearby. They currently live in the south, so this would require them to move, obviously. BIL doesn't want her to do it because it might hinder his chances to move up at his job -- he is a corrections officer at one of those terrible, terrible, terrible prisons. He brags about violating inmates' rights. Like, are you kidding me that you don't want your extraordinarily smart, accomplished wife to continue building her career (that has a much more likely possibility of providing for your family) so that you can continue to be excited by the idea you get to carry a gun and might get to shoot an inmate one day? At this point, DH doesn't ever want to see BIL again. DH has two other younger brothers, and they both agree. It sucks though because BIL's wife is great, and their kid (14 mo) is cute AF. Like, wtf.
We got our pup in October of 2014, and then found out we were expecting in Nov 2014. Honestly, we probably wouldn't of gotten her if it was the other way around. Don't get me wrong, we LOVE her, and she is AMAZING with DD, but I feel bad that we don't spend that much time with her. She is definitely a dog that needs walked, and attention. It is easier in the summer when DH and I are off, and in the Fall our cousin walks her twice a week since I coach. We're currently having a big barking/growling issue, with anyone and anything that walks by our house, that we're working on and it just drains you. Esp when you get to the end of the day, and all you want is for the dog to stop! Lots of hugs to all the fur baby mamas that feel guilty
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
@doxiemoxie212 - that sounds like an absolute trainwreck. DH complains about guys like that that he is in the guard with. They're in the guard so they don't have to have as much as a commitment but want to brag about guns and shooting and what not...but the ironic part is they're in the FD so they don't even shoot other than training and such. They're not even issued weapons while deployed... How long was he deployed to get sand related asthma!??! SOO many guys deploy and I've never heard of such a thing. Seems like something to get disability payments...that sounds jaded but people have had crazier...
ps...guns sitting around are no joke...so not cool
Kind of how I feel about drinking. The kids that were forbidden from any type of alcohol consumption at home are the ones that end up drinking irresponsibly when they get to college.
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
All that being said, I don't think this level of education and respect is the norm in many households (<----Gross generalization, I know). That being the case, I would advocate that guns SHOULD be locked up.
Edited because too many "that being saids" and it was irritating.
But I hear what you're saying -- if you live in an area where guns are around, then kids should be exposed to them, understand how they work, etc., just like alcohol, and I do think there is a big difference between hand guns, hunting rifles and semi-automatic weaponry, and discussions around guns should include those discrepancies.
@doxiemoxie212 when I was a vegetarian the only meat or fish I would actually consider eating what something that was hunted. I am way more against factory farming and commercially produced meat products than I am hunted game. My family only hunts for food not for sport. They don't have hunting trophies or anything like that. My dad hasn't actually gotten anything in probably 15 years because he really just goes to sit in a tree in the woods alone with peace and quiet.
DS: 6/1/18 (Pre-E; IUGR; seizures; NICU)
TTC #2: 12/2019
Sept 2020: HSG possible blocked right tube
Nov 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFN
Dec 2020: Letrozole + TI - BFP!!! EDD 9/18
There's going to be a large portion of the time that you're in the presence of someone who is carrying concealed and you wouldn't know it unless they needed to use it or they took it off in front of you once they got home (which they really shouldn't...). H and I both have our carry conceal permits. I have one pistol, he has two. We also have a handful of rifles/shotguns because we both go hunting.
We teach SS gun safety, and feel comfortable with him grabbing our pistols and handling them if he ever needed to (by handling, I don't mean shooting; he hasn't gotten to that point). He knows what not to ever touch, knows how to take the magazine out of a pistol and make sure there's no round in the barrel, and has been shown multiple times where the safeties are on our shotguns/rifles and what way they should be when handled. He also knows that safeties aren't 100%, and even if a safety is on, it should still be handled like it's not. He also knows not to point any weapon at any other person, or any thing you would never intend to actually shoot. He makes sure not to point his Nerf guns at us when we go in his room, unless we're having a Nerf war.
We also have a full-size safe that we keep our rifles/shotguns in, H's second handgun, and all of our ammo. My brothers' kids love to pretend to shoot people, so if they ever come over to our house, we make sure our handguns are locked up. Most of my brothers would never have a weapon in the house while their children are young (which is fine! their choice!), and as a result, they just haven't taught their kids safety about weapons. I wouldn't even come close to trusting them with a weapon, loaded or unloaded, so I wouldn't take that chance.
Re: Animals
This is long winded and detailed, but long story short: if a dog is attacking a child, as much as I love animals and couldn't imagine re-homing my own dogs, they need to be retrained or rehomed.
If a dog is flat out attacking a child, then the dog needs to be rehomed, retrained, or needs to be put down. Whether that was provoked or unprovoked. I'm sorry, but a dog is not more important than a child. I have two, and they're like my kids; I can't imagine having to ever rehome them, but if at any point in time they flat out attacked my child, I wouldn't ignore it and just keep them separated but in the same house. I would try to retrain them, and if there were still issues, try to find a child-free home for them.
My SS's biological mother had a GSD-mix that didn't get along with SS at all. The dog hated him. SS was only there on weekends, and the dog viewed him as an intruder every time he was there. The dog started by just nipping his fingers and toes when he was over there, and eventually escalated to attacking him outright when he was left alone with SS. It wasn't a severe attack, but it was an attack none-the-less. The dog had went for his abdomen.
We told his bio-mum that we weren't allowing him back in her home as long as she had the dog. Her solution was to have a friend write a note saying they were taking ownership of the dog, lie that the dog was rehomed, and really just had this friend watch the dog on weekends when SS was there. (We learned this later on.)
And then one weekend SS was there, and her friend didn't want to watch the dog, and the dog went for SS's neck. He ended up in the ER, and SS's bio-mum told the hospital and the animal control officer that she would be putting the dog down. We called the dog control officer ourselves to make sure that she knew the dog had attacked SS, and she hadn't received confirmation that the dog was put down (this was the response we got from her 3-4 days after the incident).
The next day, she went to SS's bio-mother's house herself, left a warning on their door that the dog was to be put down, and when it was still ignored for a few days, she had to wait for them to get home, explain that no they couldn't just rehome the dog (because that was her plan, after lying about rehoming the dog before - I'm sorry but we weren't taking that chance and neither was the DCO), and took the dog herself to make sure he was put down.
Is it sad that the dog had to be put down? Yes.
But that dog was not more important than my SS's safety. His bio-mother was given the opportunity to rehome the dog to a child-free home, so that her own child was kept safe, and she refused. And as a result, SS was bitten less than an inch from his carotid. Any harder of a bite, any closer to his carotid, or any delay in getting that dog off of him, and there's a really large chance he would have died.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
As for your stance on animals, I completely agree. One thing that has always bothered me is when people shrug off blatantly aggressive behavior, or don't even realize that it's aggressive ("Oh, Spot's like that with everybody. He's never bitten anyone; he's harmless.") I cannot stand to see pictures of babies/kids "playing" with dogs that are giving off all kinds of warning signs, like in the pic below .
We got lucky; our dogs and kids are crazy about each other. Even so, stuff happens, and if one of my dogs intentionally harmed a kid, I would not hesitate to have that dog put down.
I recently wrote a post on FB about my 1-year-old starting physical/occupational therapy, mostly because I wanted to sing the praises of Early Intervention and how amazing our experience has been, but also because I don’t hear a lot of moms talking about this kind of thing, and I thought someone might benefit from hearing about the process and our feelings about it. I got a bunch of wonderful comments/messages from friends/family/acquaintances who went through similar things, and I ended up being so glad I wrote the post.
A couple days ago, I got a message from an old high school friend who I know has a daughter in therapy for a variety of challenges. It started off with “I keep thinking about your really honest post about your son...” So I start reading it, and I am feeling really touched. But then, in the second paragraph, I realize this is all a segue into her trying to recruit me to her stupid Juice Plus team!!!! Mothereffing MLMs!!! I have seriously been raging that she used this honest, vulnerable moment with my son to try and suck me into a ridiculous snake-oil scheme. I have just ignored the message so far, but I feel so tempted to tell her what an unbelievably distasteful and offensive move this was. And this women used to be an RN! And now she’s selling magic vitamins and apparently has not an ounce of shame.
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
No, it's not funny that your dog is growling at you, or trying to bite you when you kiss your s/o.
Our dogs get super excited and will lick our hands if we hold hands in front of them, and try to get our attention and get their own love when we're hugging - that's funny. But if they were to growl, bare their teeth, or try to attack one of us? Heck no. That's not funny at all!
Ugh. Peoples' ignorance with animals gets me riled up.
Re: firearm safety -- *TW: death, suicide*
We've recently had a string of unintentional shootings and deaths resulting from unsafe firearm handling in our area (~30 miles away, but still consider that our are). It's been teens who live in households with firearms, who weren't properly taught how to handle a firearm, and that it's not a toy to show off to your friends while you're drinking and having a fun time. One kid ended up shooting his friend on accident, and while their friends were calling 911 and trying to take care of the shot friend... the one who accidentally shot him went outside and committed suicide because he couldn't deal with the fact he had just shot his friend.
I mean, it doesn't seem like a huge deal to some people to make sure their kids are actually thoroughly taught about firearm safety, and some seem to think that as long as they tell their kids not to touch the gun, they'll be okay. But it's not the reality of the situation, and then things like that happen as a result. Tragic.
Me: 30 | DH: 34 | DSS: 14 | DS: 4
PG #2, EDD 10/12/2023
I'm sorry to hear about what's going on near you. That's awful. Anyone who has ever been a teenager knows that they don't always make great decisions, as their brains are still developing in that arena. I think some people just assume their kids will always make good decisions.
This is just my opinion, but I think our general attitude as a nation is that if we address certain things, they will just pique kids' interest even further (sex, drugs, guns - I could go on all day) so it's best to either ignore the problem or just berate them for even being remotely curious and tell them to stay away, that's bad. It also doesn't help that we are obsessed with social media and that kids in general seem to not only lack empathy, but lack some social skills that cannot be taught by interacting with a screen.
Sorry for the long rant.. just something I'm kinda passionate about. TL;DR learn about dog language and train your dog!
Married August 2015
DS born 5/23/2018
TTC #2 July 2020