Benched/TTA Week of 1/8

catlady2015

*please notice*

This thread is for those who have started TTC but are now TTA or Benched. (There is also a TTCAL "sister" thread.)

***General TW that this thread can and will mention MC and loss.***

This is a place for those of us who have already started TTC, but have hit a roadblock and are delaying for whatever reason. You can express your thoughts, feelings, and frustrations on not TTC and connect with others who are in the same boat. TTC can be a long journey, and having to wait makes it feel even longer -- even if it is for a good reason. I invite you to resurrect this thread at any point in the week if you have something to say. Treat this like an ongoing conversation.

Benched = involuntarily not NTNP/TTC and "out of the game," usually due to medical reasons

TTA = avoiding pregnancy by using protection or FAM, usually for non-health-related reasons __________________________________________________________________

Are you benched or TTA? 

What brings you here? 

How long do you think you'll be here? 

How have things been going?

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

GTKY: What's your favorite season? 

holly321

Are you benched or TTA?  Benched

What brings you here?  Malignant molar pregnancy

How long do you think you'll be here?  Maybe 3 months?  At one point I was told after my second Depo shot wears off, which I get in 2 weeks.

How have things been going?  I feel impatient and frustrated.  

Any R/R/CS/Q? None

GTKY: What's your favorite season?  Fall is my favorite, then winter, but winter gets old quickly.

dragonette505

@holly321 being benched is the worst. 

Are you benched or TTA? Both

What brings you here? Waiting for surgery on a uterine septum

How long do you think you'll be here? 2 1/2 or 3 months... 

How have things been going? Meh.... I have to be on hormones to keep my line by thin till surgery and it sux... makes me testy and nauseous. It’s bad enough to have to have surgery but then to be miserable the whole month before is insult to injury... lol

Any R/R/CS/Q? Nope

GTKY: What's your favorite season? Autumn!!!!

ndz2018

Benched

@dragonette505 I am waiting for my surgery too to remove my uterine septum. Just did my ER on 12/29/17 had 29 eggs retrieved, 25 mature, 21 fertilized and 12 made it to day 5. Now I’m waiting in the PGS test results. When is your surgery?? 

Probably be here for another 2 months.. HOPING for a March FET.  My surgery is scheduled for Jan 22nd.

well they started me on BCP on Monday, so there that. I’m a super impatient person so all this waiting is making my anxiety go through the roof! 

Favorite season:  Definitely Autumn!! 

@dragonette505 When is your surgery scheduled for? 

ndz2018

@holly321 Do you have to go back to the Dr before you start TTC to get the go ahead? 

coco2787

@suzycupcake here's the benched thread

Alyeena

Are you benched or TTA? Waiting for our next FET, sometime in April maybe May? I wanted to call to make an appointment in the new year but so many things have been happening that I think we will wait a tiny bit longer.

What brings you here? Infertility. We had to do IVF and we have a few more frozen embryos. We can't conceive on our own.

How long do you think you'll be here? Maybe a few more months.

How have things been going? Good, a little sad, I really want another little one but I don't want to rush into this either so it is good we are waiting another month or two. Gives me a little more time to get to in better shape. I lost 8 pounds so I am pretty happy!!

Any R/R/CS/Q? 

GTKY: What's your favorite season? Autumn I think because of all the colors in the trees and the cozy weather, the pies and the tea! I also love Halloween!
Then again Christmas is the best holiday and I love the snow so much and all the lights! So I guess my favorite season is September to end of December lol.

Alyeena

@Holly321 I'm so sorry, I would feel impatient and frustrated in your situation too. It's difficult when we are not in control of these things. I hope time goes by quickly!

@dragonette505 I'm sorry you're feeling miserable, it does not sound like fun at all. When is your surgery?

@ndz2018 Congrats on many embryos!! That's amazing! I agree with you on the waiting, it was always the worst for me too because it adds up to a lot of time in the end. 

holly321

@ndZ2018, I spoke to my OBgyn's nurse yesterday.  He would not commit, but said I could probably try again in April.  I have to have monthly HCG checks, and I assume if my with April one is still negative, I can try again.  I am due soon I think for my yearly, (I am calling again today with more questions) but I assume I have to see him for pap and internal before hand to verify I have no cancerous lesions,  and I am hoping to immediately go back on clomid, not sure if he will make me wait and see if I ovulate naturally.  

@dragonette505 Do you know when your surgery is?  I think I asked before, but how long after surgery until you can try again?

@ndz2018,, sorry for the double tag, but mobile and I originally tagged the wrong person. I am starting new BCP today.  I hate the waiting and it just annoys me to be on bcp. I am aware I am not allowed to get pregnant, but it is frustrating.

@Alyeena, I was so excited yesterday when my bench time got shortened, but then realized I wasn't in shape and losing all the weight I wanted too.  I don't have a ton to lose, but I am not in good physical shape from the chemo and all , so now it is crunch time!

meatballs37

Are you benched or TTA? Benched 

What brings you here? Loss of twins at 22 weeks and 29 weeks. My one boy fought for 24 days in the NICU and passed 11/26/17. 

How long do you think you'll be here? I was told 6 months minimum before we could start trying again. So maybe 3.5 more months. 

How have things been going? Realistically I may be benched for longer. I think I need more time to grieve. But a part of me is anxious to get to that 6 month milestone and just know that if we wanted to try, the opportunity was open again. 

Any R/R/CS/Q? My period is still not here...I am 10 weeks PP. I think I need to call my OB, but I have been putting it off because I am scared of what they will say. 

GTKY: What's your favorite season? Summer nights. When the sun is going down, there is a breeze, and the sidewalk is still warm on my bare feet as I go to retrieve the mail. 

holly321

@meatballs, if I am remembering correctly, you were pumping right?  How long ago did you stop?  Also, stress can play a major factor in not getting your period.  When we started TTC in February, and realized I wasn't getting my periods anymore, it was the first thing my doctor suspected to be the issue , and my stress was really high at that time.

suzycupcake

Are you benched or TTA? Benched 

What brings you here? Couple of IUI cycles with bad side effects. Currently looking for new RE and new fertility clinic. I don’t wanna waste Clomid and $ on a RE who hasn’t even done a 21 day progesterone test. She just keeps doing the same thing. 

Also my Daddy just passed from cancer on 12/6 so I was out of town a lot over the last 8 months. 

How long do you think you'll be here? I have no idea. Hopefully not past two more cycles. 

How have things been going? Who knows. I had the flu and a double ear infection while I was away and now I have a cold. Idc about grammar either.  DH has a cold now too. Everyone is sick. I can’t wait for this nastiness to be over with. 2017 just couldn’t leave me alone. 

Any R/R/CS/Q? No I’m a whiny b#!?h right now. Ain’t nobody got time for that. 

GTKY: What's your favorite season? Spring because my garden blooms and it is truly amazing. 

suzycupcake

Also thanks to @catlady2015 for starting the benched thread back up again. I was dying without it. 

offtoneverland

@suzycupcake I'm so deeply sorry about your dad. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. 
I'm also very sorry that you don't feel supported by your RE right now. I hope you're able to find a better doctor soon to give you the help and support you need. 
On another note, if you're ever looking for the benched thread and can't find it, feel free to make the thread and get it started. It's not one of the most popular threads so sometimes people forget to start it.
I'll be thinking of you and hope you and YH feel better soon. 

meatballs37

@holly321 I’m sure stress has a lot to do with it. I am about 5 weeks out from pumping was done. 

meatballs37

@ndz2018 and @dragonette505 praying your surgeries go well! I’m so glad you guys have them scheduled so you can move on to the next step! 

holly321

@suzycupcake, I am sorry for your lost, and dealing with illness on top of it.  I hope you are feeling better.  I hope you have good luck finding a new doctor.

suzycupcake

@offtoneverland

dragonette505

Sorry I'm just getting back, guys! (I'm generally much more devoted than this!) But the holiday's plus vaca, plus this being my first week back at work after vaca was a lot!

ndz2018 OMG our surgeries are so close! I'm after you on Jan 29th... so not looking forward to it! I didn't want BCP's so they put me on norethinedrone...ugh BCP's always made me feel like crap, but I guess this is a bit better. Makes me so sleepy :P We may try naturally for a cycle before starting FET's.
Alyeena Sounds like you will be around for a bit too! If you don't mind my asking, what made you go with IVF (I'm an IVF girl too, but due to age. Still its good because I would never have known I needed to get my septum resected). 
holly321 Ugh... having the HCG checks after MC is brutal, but I know its especially important after a molar. Hope it all leaves your system fast (but ive found that it gets low fast then seems to take forever for the last little bit to get to negative). My surgery is on the 29th
meatballs37  You should def reach out to your docs, but I agree with @holly321 that this may not be anything more that your body needing more time to return to normal.... you went through a lot!
suzycupcake aww man. That's heartbreaking. SO sorry for your loss. Take the time you need! I don't blame you for looking for another doc... Isnt the definition of insanity doing the same thing and expecting different results? I have had 3 docs, so I'm all about making moves!

holly321

@dragonette505 , good luck with your surgery.  Fortunately, my HCG has been normal since November, but since my molar was cancerous, I have to have monthly draws for 6 months.

dragonette505

holly321 said:

@dragonette505 , good luck with your surgery.  Fortunately, my HCG has been normal since November, but since my molar was cancerous, I have to have monthly draws for 6 months.

That's good at least its normal! Now if it just stays that way so they know theres no continuation! Do they start counting your 6 month wait from November? April sounds far, but hopefully it comes fast. That's about the time I can try again as well since I'm out this month and next month as well and then I have to wait to have a normal cycle which hopefully happens March.

Alyeena

@meatballs37 I am so very sorry for your loss. 

@suzycupcake I am really sorry about your dad. And it sucks that you didn't have a good RE, it's so important to  have someone who knows what they are doing, hopefully you can find a good one soon!

@dragonette505 I have PCOS and my husband has low sperm count and motility, we were given a 1% chance to conceive naturally so that's why we decided on IVF (we could of tried a few IUI cycles first "just in case we get lucky" but we had been waiting so long at that point we didn't want to wait longer or waste money). We did respond well so that's a good thing! We still have five embryos : ) Good luck for your surgery!

ndz2018

@dragonette505 I’m glad to have a surgery buddy!! Though it sucks, it’s nice to have someone who is going through it with me! I just Had my ER and finally got the results we have 5 PGS normal embryos waiting for us as soon as we get the go ahead after surgery. We also have 3 mosaic embryos that they are keeping frozen as well I did My research and it seems it’s not a GOOD thing or a BAD thing just undetermined. Do you have any idea how long after the surgery they will allow a FET? I’m hoping for March but we’ll see. 

@suzycupcake I lost my father 19 years ago to lung cancer so I know what you’re going through. I’m so sorry it really really sucks!! 

@meatballs37 My heart aches for you and your family. The fact that you’re on here and being open and talking about it is a huge step through the greiving process and though I have never lost a child( i had a Mc when I was 19 but I almost feel like it was the universe telling me I wasn’t ready) I have Lost many people In my life including my sister who was 11 months older than me almost 20 years ago. Watching my mother go through it is something you would never wish on hour worst enemy. Sending nothing but love and light to you doll!!

@holly321 April will be here before you know it! I’m the most impatient person on the planet and all this waiting after IVF drives me nuts but then I have to take a step back and realize the wait is probably for the best and everything happens when it’s supposed to... so for the time being we are here to bitch to, so feel free to complain away  I know I’ll be bitching for the next few months too 

dragonette505

Alyeena said:

@meatballs37 I am so very sorry for your loss. 

@suzycupcake I am really sorry about your dad. And it sucks that you didn't have a good RE, it's so important to  have someone who knows what they are doing, hopefully you can find a good one soon!

@dragonette505 I have PCOS and my husband has low sperm count and motility, we were given a 1% chance to conceive naturally so that's why we decided on IVF (we could of tried a few IUI cycles first "just in case we get lucky" but we had been waiting so long at that point we didn't want to wait longer or waste money). We did respond well so that's a good thing! We still have five embryos : ) Good luck for your surgery!

Ok.... makes sense! Great you have so many embies!!

dragonette505

@ndz2018 I saw your pgs results somewhere on here! That’s amazing. Don’t be bummed about your mosaics.... there are more and more studies showing that mosaic embies ought to be transferred. 1. Mosaicism may be more present than we know. When they biopsy an embryo they remove a few cells. In an abnormal, all biopsies cells are abnormal, in a normal, all biopsies cells normal, in mosaic you have both. It’s not known if somewhere on a normal embie is one abnormal cell that simply wasn’t selected for biopsy. 2. There are several current studies on both mosaic and abnormal embies that have shown “self correcting “. In several documented cases, clinics have transferred mosaic and ABNORMAL embies that resulted in a NORMAL healthy take home baby. This is possibly because they are only biopsying the trophectoderm or the cells that will become the placenta and there’s some thought that the baby pushes any abnormal cells out of the inner cell mass and into the placenta where it’s not likely to impact development. 
Anyway! I know that’s a lot, and you have several outright normies so I think you are in a good place. I’d have no fear of transferring a mosaic.
As for when we can fet.... I’ve got 8 (untested....) embies on ice. My surgeon said I could have a natural or fet cycle essentially in March. January prep for surgery and surgery. February recovery month and then I should be fine. After my surgery I’ll contact my ivf clinic and get on the schedule for an April FET. 

ndz2018

@dragonette505 THANK YOU! It is a lot of information and let’s hope we don’t have to go through 5 to get even question the mosaic embryos but wow makes total sense now that you’ve explained. This is my first round of IVF also it’s all pretty new to me! I have my pre op on the 17th i guess I’ll find out when I can def set up my FET!

dragonette505

ndz2018 said:

@dragonette505 THANK YOU! It is a lot of information and let’s hope we don’t have to go through 5 to get even question the mosaic embryos but wow makes total sense now that you’ve explained. This is my first round of IVF also it’s all pretty new to me! I have my pre op on the 17th i guess I’ll find out when I can def set up my FET!

I did some research and most places say one recovery cycle from surgery is usually fine (unless the surgery was more extreme). My doc is pretty conservative and she told me the same! Hopefully you will be transferring March!

ndz2018

@dragonette505 YES! March is what we’re hoping for but if there’s anything I’ve learned from this process is not to count on things happening when you expect them too!

holly321

@ndz2018, I am trying to keep it in perspective how close April is.  It is hitting me harder than I expected. I think it is kind of like how ending chemo, which should have been exciting made me bawl.  Just a new stage.  At least my time keeps getting shortened.  If my math is correct, I am only being benched 5 months from negative.  It is hard to keep up with.  With the initial molar diagnosis, it was 1 month after negative.  Then when I was referred to the oncologist, we were hoping 3-4 months after negative.  It feels like forever, we started trying a year ago,which I know is not nearly as long as others, I miscarried in August, so it has already been 5 months on the bench.  I know I can do 3 more.  
Is probably so frustrating, because I am healthy, feel great, and feel like I am doing nothing and wasting time, the difference in reoccurrence at 3 months negative and 6 months is do minute.

dragonette505

ndz2018 said:

@dragonette505 YES! March is what we’re hoping for but if there’s anything I’ve learned from this process is not to count on things happening when you expect them too!

So true! I’m just focusing on getting through surgery at this point. I hear the recovery can be uncomfortable because they fill you with gas and afterwards it’s pretty painful. I’m prepping with my activated charcoal and etc. also I was surprised to hear id need a full week off to recover. After my fibroid surgeries I was back to work the next day

dragonette505

@holly321 I think these next few months will go fast (I hope). I also feel like times a wastin... especially because I’m old and my ttc days are numbered.

ndz2018

@dragonette505 DAYUM!! Really?!? I heard Like a few days! I have my pre op tomorrow ill
 find out more 

dragonette505

ndz2018 said:

@dragonette505 DAYUM!! Really?!? I heard Like a few days! I have my pre op tomorrow ill
 find out more 

I know!!! I was like huh?!? But that’s what they said. Basically my doc is super old fashioned and conservative when it comes to this. She doesn’t want me moving around and possibly starting scar tissue or something. It actually makes some sense considering I live in nyc and it’s like an obstacle course just getting to work