@TheQuietThings I can't remember if you have said this so with every pregnancy you have gone til the anatomy scan without an ultrasound? I honestly only know about the NT scan because I asked about what I could do to see the baby before that and have insurance cover.
@SmashJam for 1&3, yes,,waited until anatomy scan. 2&4 we did an early ultrasound. I didn't for 3 because it wasn't covered (or with 2). It wasn't covered this time but I elected to do it because I knew i would early, wanted the peace of mind before telling the kiddos.
With 1, he had a nuchal knot, so we had another ultrasound 4 weeks after anatomy scan to follow that.
With three we had a growth scan at 32 weeks because while I didn't have GD, my blood sugar wasn't very regulated and had to follow a GD diet. #3 was quite large, compared to my other two, and being 10 days early. She is still built incredibly .... Stout.
@sm05-2 it’s ridiculously expensive. I made the mistake of calculating what we’ll be spending per year on daycare for both. I literally got sick to my stomach.
@tarheelgirl8 Yes it would be. Soooo much so. @sm05-2 Seriously, though. MA is ridiculous, When I was trying to find daycare in Woburn where I used to work, they were all significantly more than my income (and I had a $16/hr, 40 hr/ week job). That was before an hour commute to and from the area. It would have been way more damaging to us for me to keep working than it was to stay home... hence why I nanny, now. No public preschools or proper co-ops, either, so DS realistically won't start anything until kindergarten. Massachusetts needs to get its act together.
I have to go foe my 1st tri blood work and do a 1 hr glucose test because of previous GD this morning and am so not looking forward to it. I just ate a bunch of scrambled eggs with cheese and a dmall amount of ketchup so hopefully it wont mess with my numbers too much. Praying I pass!!
Married since 5/23/09
Stepdaughter-2/17/02
DS #1 born 1/25/10
DS #2 born 4/25/12 BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks Trying for #4 since 11/2015
@tarheelgirl8 Daycare for DD was ridiculous. Adding a second means I would be losing money if I worked. So I quit my job. I miss it but I also love that I get to spend so much time with DD (and the new one once they arrive). The struggle is real though. It's crazy that it costs so freaking much! I probably won't be able to return to work until at least 1 is in school.
Has anyone had any luck negotiating more maternity leave? Specifically more pay? My company offers STD (6 weeks at 60%) then I’d be taking the other 6 unpaid under FMLA.
I want to try and negotiate 12 weeks full pay (ha, never going to happen.) But I’d love to hear advice from anyone who’s done it!
Has anyone had any luck negotiating more maternity leave? Specifically more pay? My company offers STD (6 weeks at 60%) then I’d be taking the other 6 unpaid under FMLA.
I want to try and negotiate 12 weeks full pay (ha, never going to happen.) But I’d love to hear advice from anyone who’s done it!
I havent but my opinion is the worst they could say is no and youd be stuck with what you have anyways. Maybe think of a few different offers to come back with if they day no to the first? My work offers 12 weeks through fmla but you have to have the time saved up otherwise it is unpaid. I know i wont have the time so im using STD through my union insurance that pays 26 weeks of 66.67% of my pay per week. It will at least give us something while i am off and will cover the entire time i need.
Married since 5/23/09
Stepdaughter-2/17/02
DS #1 born 1/25/10
DS #2 born 4/25/12 BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks Trying for #4 since 11/2015
My inlaws are in town and they are making me stabby. First MIL keeps dressing my daughter in this ugly cream cardigan when she has drawers and closets full of adorable clothes that do not make her look like a grandmother. or a mismatched hodge podge. Of course my daughter is like I like the sweater nana has me wear. Good for you kid, mommy is hiding it as soon as nana leaves for the airport. Never to be seen again or going in the donation or to be sold pile.
Now they are making tuna because you know no one in this house is pregnant and cannot stand the smell. They leave monday and have already been told to get a hotel when the baby comes.I am not a big drinker but I could really use a drink.
@TalesOfASocialIntrovert This is why I quit my job with my first... between student loans and the cost of daycare, and literally being gone all day so I would only see my baby on weekends, I gave it up.
I am currently working part time from home though, so that helps some!
@gspmom21 that’s funny you say that. My OB used to send me to a specialist for the NT scan US and blood work. She did with baby #2 in 2010 and #3 in 2013. So when I asked her if I needed to schedule that appt this time she said no, we’ve done away with that practice. We now do all your blood work here in office and we don’t do the NT scan. I never asked her why but I’m curious.
My Husband is the best you guys. (Let the eye rolls commence haha). Seriously, I just don’t know what I’d do without him. We certainly wouldn’t have four kids that’s for sure! He just helps me so much. I see so many dead beat dads and it just makes me appreciate him so very much. He spends so much time with his boys and gives me so much “me” time. He’s the one who’s got me through this pregnancy so far. I was of course freaking out when we got surprise pregnant and he’s been so calm and joyful about it. Today he let me sleep in and when I woke up he said nope, you’re not doing anything today. Don’t even think about it! The boys and I are going to do the yard and laundry and you just get some rest or go do you. (It’s been a rough week with he kiddos, I think he sensed it). I’m rambling now. The gist of it... I love him and am so thankful for him. And I think I’m going to go get a pedicure and some maternity pants. The end
I went to the lab at a local hospital to have my tests done and they said they couldnt do the glucose test because they werent sure they could draw at exactly 1 hr. I had called for lab times earlier to make sure it was ok and it said they were open until 230. So i left without any tests done and now have to wait another week to go on next saturday because i cant get there in enough time after work. Fml......
Married since 5/23/09
Stepdaughter-2/17/02
DS #1 born 1/25/10
DS #2 born 4/25/12 BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks Trying for #4 since 11/2015
I’m stabby over maternity leave. I get 12 weeks off unpaid. Sure I have short term disability but the first 30 days isn’t covered and then I get 2 weeks paid at 50%. So taking 8 weeks off I need to save 7 weeks of PTO/sick time which I don’t have.
@4deep Your post made me smile. I’m so happy for you that your spouse is so supportive and truly a partner. With 3 (soon to be 4!) kids - that must make such a difference! My H is also amazing (and super calm!)... and I’m similarly grateful. Especially the calm part!
Has anyone had any luck negotiating more maternity leave? Specifically more pay? My company offers STD (6 weeks at 60%) then I’d be taking the other 6 unpaid under FMLA.
I want to try and negotiate 12 weeks full pay (ha, never going to happen.) But I’d love to hear advice from anyone who’s done it!
I’m negotiating with DH more or less. I would qualify for 6 wks partial pay through my company’s STD. My company offers 10 wks full pay leave and i have unlimited PTO. DH also gets his own 10 wks by working in the same company. If i do take STD we will need to save at least 2 months worth of mortgage. I want to be able to take at least the 16 wks PP and maybe a week before planned c section. So we’ll see how it goes.
Ugh I'm so depressed thinking about maternity leave. I'll have 8 weeks partially paid by the state (less than 50% of my wages), and I'll be extremely lucky if my boss lets me stay out anymore after that. Last time she made me come back 6 weeks postpartum, this time I'm protected by a new state law for 8 weeks. I will try to negotiate for at least adding 2 weeks vacation onto the end of my 8 weeks, and if she says no, I'm planning on looking for a new job during leave and not coming back.
Nothing makes me angrier than the state of maternity leave in this country.
@zande2016 I planned on not coming back from my maternity leave last time if things had gone as planned, my job was that bad. Your sanity is not worth a work environment that won't let you take the time off you actually have to be with your new baby (assuming not having a job wouldn't be MORE stressful, lol). I hope you get the leave you want!
@SmashJam thanks, I've been saying to myself this job isn't worth my sanity for 2 years now, yet here I still am lol. I've always resented my boss for making me come back at 6 weeks last time, and I know the resentment will only grow this time, so I am hoping to find something new and just praying the timing all works out right. I have to give 4 weeks notice in order to get paid for unused vacation time (my company's rule), so my tentative plan is to give notice 4 weeks postpartum that I'm not coming back after my leave, use my remaining 4 weeks, get paid my 2 weeks unused vacation, and hopefully have a new job secured by 12 weeks postpartum.
Writing all that out makes it seem really impossible haha.
It probably depends on the type of company you work for...but definitely raise concerns about a poor mat leave with HR etc. Eventually with enough squeaky wheels companies will be driven to change policies. My company had a pretty bad policy up until about a year and a half ago and one of the women’s affinity groups kept pushing for better leave (ok- and a really scathing NYT article was written about company culture) and now the policy gives 20 weeks fully paid, options to give some of your time to your spouse (paid 2x salary) if his company doesn’t give paternity leave, and an 8 wk ramp back program at 50-75% time. Make a stink! Seriously.
It probably depends on the type of company you work for...but definitely raise concerns about a poor mat leave with HR etc. Eventually with enough squeaky wheels companies will be driven to change policies. My company had a pretty bad policy up until about a year and a half ago and one of the women’s affinity groups kept pushing for better leave (ok- and a really scathing NYT article was written about company culture) and now the policy gives 20 weeks fully paid, options to give some of your time to your spouse (paid 2x salary) if his company doesn’t give paternity leave, and an 8 wk ramp back program at 50-75% time. Make a stink! Seriously.
That's awesome! I can totally see that working in a big company. In one of 8-10 employees, not so much. A lot of the big companies are doing the right thing and giving decent paid leave, and a lot of that is to stay competitive. Unfortunately for people like me, in a small company not even protected by FMLA, there is no bargaining power or incentive for the employer to do the right thing, and zero legal protection if your employer chooses to fire you for not returning 6 weeks after giving birth (unless your state is one of the few to offer additional protections aside from FMLA).
ETA that's not to say you shouldn't try to negotiate, you totally should and have nothing to lose.
It probably depends on the type of company you work for...but definitely raise concerns about a poor mat leave with HR etc. Eventually with enough squeaky wheels companies will be driven to change policies. My company had a pretty bad policy up until about a year and a half ago and one of the women’s affinity groups kept pushing for better leave (ok- and a really scathing NYT article was written about company culture) and now the policy gives 20 weeks fully paid, options to give some of your time to your spouse (paid 2x salary) if his company doesn’t give paternity leave, and an 8 wk ramp back program at 50-75% time. Make a stink! Seriously.
Very true! My company started off with 10 days full pay AND you had to share with your spouse if they worked with the same company. Eventually it changed to 10 wks but still shared between parents. Then it went to 10 wks (mom) 4 wks (dad). This years it changed to 10 each! Super blessed with the improvements but i think it also took our CEO having her first child a few years ago. They are trying to make it a female friendly company which is awesome!
My company (very large, over 100k global employees) just redid their leave policy this year too. Apparently it was not great before but now you get 15 weeks for natural birth or 17 weeks for C section fully paid, plus you can add your vacation to the end for a max of 20 weeks. Also have the option to come back part time (I probably won’t because of career trajectory implications but it’s nice that it’s an option if I was so inclined) and they provide free child care at the day care on site for the first 5 weeks back from maternity leave (and 30 free days of back up care per year on site). I literally had to ask HR twice to explain it to me because I couldn’t believe how generous it sounded (for the US). I feel so fortunate that my first year working here coincided with some of these changes-my last firm provided 3 months paid with ability to ramp back up part time but was a much more demanding job
@sm05-2 I love nannying! I'm used to working with kids, and love doing it, so it's a great fit. I tend to do part time nanny (so technically I guess "babysitting," but I hate using that term since the approach is so different than babysitting, you know?), but usually am nannying multiple kids, just different days. Always along with my little guy. So far it's just been single child families, but there have definitely been days where they were in a pinch and I'd have two toddlers plus my son. Honestly, it's more fun that way. Kids can sometimes be more manageable in small groups. Besides, I have the car space, the extra car seats, and have taught classes with a 17-1 ratio many a time, so it works. I wouldn't change it for anything, and am hoping to still be able to do it once this second one is born.
Gets me riled up each time my company says something. "When you take maternity leave..." "Actually, I'll be on FMLA leave because our company doesn't have a designated parental leave policy or program."
@lindsayleigh1989@nimmle I don't mind saying it...f*** anti-vaxxers. If my baby gets measles because some f***ing moron doesn't understand research science, I will personally go punch Jenny McCarthy in the vagina.
ETA: And yeah I'm having a really grouchy day today and feel like anti-vaxxers are an acceptable target for venting some of my temper.
On a lighter note, does anyone else find that their pants fit fine when standing up, but when sitting down, they suddenly DO NOT fit and need to be unbuttoned/unzipped?
I’m 11 weeks tomorrow and I’m full on in maternity pants all the time. It’s crazy how quickly it happened this time around. I’m going to be huge, I know it. I’m sure the double cheeseburger and loaded fries tonight didn’t help though.
@TheQuietThings the best is when you have no FMLA protection/leave/whatever you wanna call it AND no maternity leave policy. Ugh it's gross what women in this country have to put up with.
My dog is in diapers for the first time today. She's cute with them on. I enjoyed listening to her diapered butt walking into our room for bedtime... Just like a baby! My DD thought it was great too. Dog developed a UTI this afternoon... After her vet closed for the day so the diapers saved her from going outside more than she could handle in the frigid temps. My husband said she seems to enjoy them... Instead of going outside to pee tonight before bed she squatted in the diaper! Haha smart dog was like "I don't have to stand in the snow and wind to pee?? This is perfect!"
I wonder what the vet will say on Monday? She was just there on Wednesday and her urine showed no infections so we put her on meds for incontinence. DH thinks it could have contributed to get UTI if she wasn't able to void completely but we don't know for sure since she's prone to get them already. Hopefully the vet knows.
@zande2016 I was in the same situation last pregnancy and I ended up quitting before maternity leave (on good terms). It was super depressing though looking at 6 weeks with no pay, then having to come right back, especially since I had a csection.
I understand it's hard for small companies when one worker is out so long and hard sometimes to afford to pay said worker. Just a lose/lose situation working for a small company (in most cases) when it comes to maternity and paternity.
I had a hair appointment yesterday, the first one in over a year. I have long hair, and prefer it that way. The stylist who did awesome last time didnt work there anymore, so they gave me some other lady. I told her long layers, cut the dead ends and keep the length. Showed her an old photo of the cut from last year, specified i wanted the short layer to start at my chest.... so she starts at my damn CHIN. Now i have shoulder length hair. I am so depressed right now. I rarely treat myself to anything, and when I do, someone F's it up.
Ugh I'm sorry @crystal321 I hate when stylists don't listen. It's one thing when you show them a photo of a celebrity, but if you showed her a photo of your exact cut from last year that's extra frustrating.
Re: Maternity leave, the state of CA has a STD and family bonding policy (which is supported by OUR insanely high taxes of course) so I will get 14 weeks with a c section or 12 weeks without. It's at 55% pay but it's not taxed, so it comes out to be higher than that when compared to my normal take home pay. I plan on supplementing those checks with some of my PTO time. I'm grateful to have something, I realize a lot of women don't.
We ended up in urgent care yesterday with DS for a busted up lip. He was running, tripped, and bit it. Not a through and through wound luckily so no stitches, but it's swollen today and looks nasty and he's in some pain. We basically bathed in purrel yesterday so I'm hoping we didn't pick up any nastiness from urgent care. There is some awful stuff going around.
Trying to figure out where to put a twin and crib. It was both littles' nursery (so their initials) and now will be #3s. But, let's be honest. #4 will be in our room for at 6 months.
@Crystal321 that sucks! I’m so sorry. I’m exactly the same with long hair and it’s a struggle to find someone good.
so my FIL just posted how he’s so blessed about his sons and grandsons with another on the way... uh ok we just got outed without even announcing anything! Plus my SIL goes in to clarify it’s not her who’s pregnant. He only has two sons so that’s hinting to me. So i guess I’ll be announcing today!
Re: Weekend Randoms 1/5-1/7
Son-10.5
Son-4
Daughter-2
#4- EDD July 14
With 1, he had a nuchal knot, so we had another ultrasound 4 weeks after anatomy scan to follow that.
With three we had a growth scan at 32 weeks because while I didn't have GD, my blood sugar wasn't very regulated and had to follow a GD diet. #3 was quite large, compared to my other two, and being 10 days early. She is still built incredibly .... Stout.
Son-10.5
Son-4
Daughter-2
#4- EDD July 14
Public daycare would be awesome!
BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks
Trying for #4 since 11/2015
I want to try and negotiate 12 weeks full pay (ha, never going to happen.) But I’d love to hear advice from anyone who’s done it!
BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks
Trying for #4 since 11/2015
Now they are making tuna because you know no one in this house is pregnant and cannot stand the smell. They leave monday and have already been told to get a hotel when the baby comes.I am not a big drinker but I could really use a drink.
I am currently working part time from home though, so that helps some!
My Husband is the best you guys. (Let the eye rolls commence haha). Seriously, I just don’t know what I’d do without him. We certainly wouldn’t have four kids that’s for sure! He just helps me so much. I see so many dead beat dads and it just makes me appreciate him so very much. He spends so much time with his boys and gives me so much “me” time. He’s the one who’s got me through this pregnancy so far. I was of course freaking out when we got surprise pregnant and he’s been so calm and joyful about it. Today he let me sleep in and when I woke up he said nope, you’re not doing anything today. Don’t even think about it! The boys and I are going to do the yard and laundry and you just get some rest or go do you. (It’s been a rough week with he kiddos, I think he sensed it). I’m rambling now. The gist of it... I love him and am so thankful for him. And I think I’m going to go get a pedicure and some maternity pants. The end
BFP 2/2016 M/C 3/2016 @ 5 weeks
Trying for #4 since 11/2015
My H is also amazing (and super calm!)... and I’m similarly grateful. Especially the calm part!
Enjoy ‘your’ afternoon!
Nothing makes me angrier than the state of maternity leave in this country.
Writing all that out makes it seem really impossible haha.
ETA that's not to say you shouldn't try to negotiate, you totally should and have nothing to lose.
It is a gross misunderstanding in America.
Let me say it again FMLA IS NOT MATERNITY LEAVE.
Son-10.5
Son-4
Daughter-2
#4- EDD July 14
"Actually, I'll be on FMLA leave because our company doesn't have a designated parental leave policy or program."
Son-10.5
Son-4
Daughter-2
#4- EDD July 14
I wonder what the vet will say on Monday? She was just there on Wednesday and her urine showed no infections so we put her on meds for incontinence. DH thinks it could have contributed to get UTI if she wasn't able to void completely but we don't know for sure since she's prone to get them already. Hopefully the vet knows.
I understand it's hard for small companies when one worker is out so long and hard sometimes to afford to pay said worker. Just a lose/lose situation working for a small company (in most cases) when it comes to maternity and paternity.
Re: Maternity leave, the state of CA has a STD and family bonding policy (which is supported by OUR insanely high taxes of course) so I will get 14 weeks with a c section or 12 weeks without. It's at 55% pay but it's not taxed, so it comes out to be higher than that when compared to my normal take home pay. I plan on supplementing those checks with some of my PTO time. I'm grateful to have something, I realize a lot of women don't.
We ended up in urgent care yesterday with DS for a busted up lip. He was running, tripped, and bit it. Not a through and through wound luckily so no stitches, but it's swollen today and looks nasty and he's in some pain. We basically bathed in purrel yesterday so I'm hoping we didn't pick up any nastiness from urgent care. There is some awful stuff going around.
Son-10.5
Son-4
Daughter-2
#4- EDD July 14
so my FIL just posted how he’s so blessed about his sons and grandsons with another on the way... uh ok we just got outed without even announcing anything! Plus my SIL goes in to clarify it’s not her who’s pregnant. He only has two sons so that’s hinting to me. So i guess I’ll be announcing today!