@bjkay22, I've stayed home the whole time, the twins are over 2 now. DH come home at 5 and he takes "on point" and does almost everything with the kids while I do other things. He puts them down at 730 and has mainly been the one to get up with them at night since I got pregnant. On the weekends, he changes most of the diapers and we share the rest of responsibilities depending on our schedule. Some days one of them favors me, other days they favor me, but most days they're pretty even with us both. I credit dh for how much he really does with and for them when he does see them.
@suchaglencoco that eases some of my worry too because I know my H will want to be as hands on as possible when he’s home. He’s been researching sleep/feed schedules and I haven’t even looked yet haha
@bjkay22, a lot of it is just how each child is with their personality as well. So even if a partner tries to do everything they can, the baby can still gravitate towards the other.
I think we had it "easier" because even when I'm alone, I cannot give 1 twin my full attention at all times. We also were very "hand off" friendly when we were with family or friends. If someone else wanted to hold, feed, or change them we were all about it. I think that may have also helped them not be so dependent on us at family gatherings and such.
@bjkay22 I can't speak to the stay-at-home aspect, but even though DH and I are both extremely 50/50, both boys went through definite phases of only MOM. It was hard on DH sometimes because one of the boys would be screaming and would ONLY want me. I tried hard to give them Dad time- literally leaving the house to go grocery shopping or wander around Target, so that I wasn't even an option. And now that they're older, they are alllll about DH- they love to jump on him and roughhouse.
@bjkay22 everyone else has given great advice. I will be honest and say my H is very hands on too, and he steps up in ways I am fucking lucky for lol. I am dependent on sleep to not be an anxious mess and it's one of my triggers for panic attacks. Outside of newborn BF wake ups, he has consistently gotten up with the toddler MOTN because he's an awesome human being. It got to the point where if I went in at night it wouldn't help until H came in (around 1.5 yo). Can't say that hurt me too much lol. Also, during BF, H would burp and swaddle back to sleep. He understood I didn't have a choice and needed to feed the baby and took on a role to help me during those MOTN wake ups. Those are great ways to involve your H.
@cups4 your H sounds wonderful! I’m sure my H will want to do that stuff. He’s taking 3 weeks off when she’s born so we will at least have 3 weeks where we are both in the same boat and hopefully by the time he goes back we will have some kind of routine.
@bjkay22 *****somewhat controversial advice ahead***** I work part time, but I’m home all day, so I consider myself a SAHM. DH watches the kiddos in the evening and on the weekends. I strongly suggest you pump and introduce a bottle immediately. Everyone will freak out and scream “nipple confusion no!!!!!” But, in my experience, if you don’t give them a bottle right away, they may never get used to it, and you won’t be able to leave them for longer than 2 hours. Also, make sure you let your DH figure out his own way of caring for the baby. He will do things differently than you and that’s ok.
I SAH and neither of my kids ever really took a bottle (not for want of trying). We made sure to have special "dad" things for him to do when he was home. Baths are all him, and bedtime stories, etc.
@glidah I plan on doing that. If nipple confusion becomes an issue, I’ll cross that bridge when/if I get to it. I think you made a comment on a previous post about letting H’s figure stuff out and not trying to like mother hen them and tell them how to do it (something like that) and I’m bad about that just because I’m a dominant person in general. I’ve been talking about that a lot with DH because I thought that was great advice. So much bonding happens when parents and babies figure each other out and I don’t want to take that away from him if I can try to avoid it. My plan is once we get in some kind of pumping rhythm (assuming that happens) is to leave 1-2 nights a week and do something for me (for my own sanity) and let DH handle her so that I’m not hovering haha. Thank you for the tips!
@tincupchalice yeah I’m sure every kid is different. My niece had bottles with pumped milk for about half her meals and straight boob for the rest. For her the only issue was that she wouldn’t take a bottle from mom. Someone else had to do it or she would want boob, but she was happy to take bottles from everyone else!
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure how much I can depend on DH getting up during the night on week days. He’s a PA and obviously can’t do his job well without much sleep and patients depend on him to make accurate diagnoses. However, I already feel like it’s going to be crazy and I won’t know how much I can handle until the situation arises.
I guess I’m looking for some advice. Would it make sense to have a schedule? Have me get up with the baby during a certain stretch of the night and then have DH take over (or vice versa)? Obviously it complicates things since I plan to breast feed.
Me: 31 DH: 32 Dating since: 11/17/2001 Married: 9/26/2009 TTC: June 2016
@BertieMeetsGertie in my personal situation it was all me when DS got up in the motn. It's just what worked for us, am I jealous of all the other momma's with husband's that help out more, of course! But you'll figure out what works best for you, I'd say if he is willing to help then trying to set up a schedule or having him handle certain tasks would be a good way to start.
@bwow615 thanks! I figure it will mostly be me getting up motn, but I also don’t want to go insane either! I’m sure we will get it figured out.
The la Leche league leaders in my local group strongly advise against trying to set a breastfeeding schedule. gildah said:
@bjkay22 *****somewhat controversial advice ahead***** I work part time, but I’m home all day, so I consider myself a SAHM. DH watches the kiddos in the evening and on the weekends. I strongly suggest you pump and introduce a bottle immediately. Everyone will freak out and scream “nipple confusion no!!!!!” But, in my experience, if you don’t give them a bottle right away, they may never get used to it, and you won’t be able to leave them for longer than 2 hours. Also, make sure you let your DH figure out his own way of caring for the baby. He will do things differently than you and that’s ok.
I actually agree with this. If you’re planning to introduce a bottle, do it early. For us that will look like breastfeed, then follow up with a bottle of pumped milk to get rid of jaundice since I’m 90% sure this one will have it as well. Also since I’ll be going back to work one night a week I need to establish a pumping supply, and get this one used to a bottle from jump street.
We had to introduce a bottle from the get go with NICU issues and he didn't have nipple confusion FWIW once we got home and established BF. It was nice to not struggle with a bottle and get out of the house once in a while. I know we all have different expectations, but if pumping also doesn't work out well or you don't have a stash built up but want H to help more, I had a friend drop a feed at night for herself and her H would feed formula for that one time a day. It helped everyone
We didn't introduce a bottle right away but nipple confusion wasn't an issue for us. I BF for 2 years. One thing that was an issue was that DS wouldn't take a bottle from me. If DH was feeding him, I had to be out of the room. Research bottles too. We used Nuk and loved them!
@bwow615 thanks! I figure it will mostly be me getting up motn, but I also don’t want to go insane either! I’m sure we will get it figured out.
I got up in the middle of the night like 99% of the time since I was bfing. I pumped a bottle for my husband to give before bed, but it was just easier for me to feed in the moth and not have to pump or wake up engorged. That being said, my husband would get up at like 5 am and sit with my lo for like an hour or so (when he was awake but didn’t need to be fed) so that I could sleep a little more
I agree with introducing a bottle early. If you read recent scientific research, it strongly leans toward “nipple confusion” not being a real thing. My lactation consultant was very science based and introduced me to research on this with DD.
I agree with introducing a bottle early. If you read recent scientific research, it strongly leans toward “nipple confusion” not being a real thing. My lactation consultant was very science based and introduced me to research on this with DD.
I agree with this, based on my personal experience with my son. We gave him a bottle when he was two weeks old and he took it without a second thought (it made me a little sad, but ultimately was a lifesaver). My pediatrician said at the one week appointment that it was fine to introduce a bottle early
Since we’re on the topic of breastfeeding, can anyone recommend good books or resources to start with? I formula fed DD1 and I’m still struggling with the guilt. I thought I knew what I was doing but looking back, I had bad information and a lack of support system. I was told I had a supply problem at like 4 days PP. I pumped for a while but I was living with my mom and doing all this work for her to ignore me and give her formula anyways.
Princess @Poppy0419 I’ve heard good things about The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, but I haven’t personally read anything about the subject... I had my mom (breastfed 4/6 kids) and LLL.
Since we’re on the topic of breastfeeding, can anyone recommend good books or resources to start with? I formula fed DD1 and I’m still struggling with the guilt. I thought I knew what I was doing but looking back, I had bad information and a lack of support system. I was told I had a supply problem at like 4 days PP. I pumped for a while but I was living with my mom and doing all this work for her to ignore me and give her formula anyways.
There was a comment or two about this in the book thread I believe. One book that I can remember getting recommened (here or from friends) was Ina May's Guide to Breastfeeding. Another option could be to hire a doula or breastfeeding coach? But I'm a FTM so I'll leave it to the experts to chime in
@Poppy0419 I'm hoping to be more successful than last time, too. We BF during my maternity leave and then the night before I went back to work he refused to latch and I had so much anxiety over BF anyway I had to stop for my own mental health. I did pump and do formula for 2 months after that, but I want to do it longer this time. I found the best thing for me was actually my bmb who were going through similar things and we did a BF thread that was amazing. I also was able to call and make appointments with the hospital's LC we delivered at even after delivery and they always called back that day. I was so grateful for them. There was also a breastfeeding guru on here before the exodus (she moved too when we went to TCF) but I wonder if the BF board here would be helpful too.
@Poppy0419 I usually struggle a lot to breastfeed at the beginning. What helps me is to have a lactation consultant on call. Can you ask around in your area and see if there are any great ones who make house calls? I’ve found that fenugreek supplements are amazing for increasing supply. I also highly recommend get a prescription for Newman’s Nipple Ointment. It’s not organic or natural, but it’s amazing for nipple pain (it’s also great for burns FYI). The website kellymom helped me so much too. But yeah, lactation consultants are great. Also, don’t feel guilty for giving your DD formula. You did what was best for your baby at the time, and from the look of that little cutie, it didn’t do no harm.
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure how much I can depend on DH getting up during the night on week days. He’s a PA and obviously can’t do his job well without much sleep and patients depend on him to make accurate diagnoses. However, I already feel like it’s going to be crazy and I won’t know how much I can handle until the situation arises.
I guess I’m looking for some advice. Would it make sense to have a schedule? Have me get up with the baby during a certain stretch of the night and then have DH take over (or vice versa)? Obviously it complicates things since I plan to breast feed.
I BF my first for a year, so anyone looking for advice, here is my two cents - if there are resources at your hospital for bfing, take advantage of all of them. Mine had a class every morning (which was really helpful for me to figure out how the baby should latch), and a lactation consultant (who came at a time when the baby was sleeping, but I should have pushed to have her come back). - bfing was eventually a piece of cake for me (and my ds), but the beginning is HARD. You are exhausted after giving birth, trying to figure out what you are doing, dealing with milk coming in, oh and did I mention you are exhausted! Find out in advance what resources are available in your area/ and what is covered by your insurance (lactation consultants, etc). Have those phone numbers on hand so it doesn’t seem overwhelming to try and find help. Talk to other moms who have done it (this group will help a ton because we will be going through it at the same time). I had some other moms reach out to me and share their bfing struggles and tips, and it was really helpful to know that it wasn’t something that was just seamless, natural and easy for everyone right from the start
Thank everyone!! I know we have LC at the hospital i’m delivering at and will be taking full advantage. I know I’ll have a million questions before and during. I’ll definitely read all the books too. I just want to be informed so I can make the right decisions. I feel like if it doesn’t work this time, I’ll have less guilt by making an educated and actual effort.
Also, just because you formula feed, doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty. My guilt is less that she got formula and more that I didn’t put a real effort in. She’s perfect and brilliant (I’m biased) and currently singing her ABCs. Don’t think I did too much damage.
This ended up longer than I intended, so here's my TL;DR version. Research, do what's best for your baby, kellymom is a great resource, and find a pediatrician you trust.
@Poppy0419, I used kellymom a ton! There are so many articles about pretty much everything! DS has been on the low end of the growth charts since birth (holding steady at 15th % currently). Now we realize he's just a little guy but I had quite a few pediatricians tell me to supplement just based on his weight. He was wetting and having regular dirty diapers based on every recommendation. He was gaining weight at every check (bottom of their scales, but gaining). LC did before and after feeding weight measurements to check that I was producing enough milk (I was). He was hitting milestones at or before he was supposed to. Again, he's just not a big kid. Just like there are 90th % babies, there has to be 15th % ones, and my son is one of them.
BFing isn't for everyone, but I recommend surrounding yourself with people who are knowledgeable on how it works. Kellymom has growth charts for BF babies and tips. Interview pediatricians to find one who looks at the whole child and not one piece of the puzzle (not just with BFing, but in general). I went to BF classes before DS was born to learn about different holds and about correct latch. In the end, I would have been fine to supplement if we needed to. It may not seem like it( ) but I would have. I just wanted to make sure I was making the most educated decision for my baby.
Please note... I'm definitely not judging anyone who FF their baby! A fed baby is most important! I never know how things come across online so please know I mean no offense to anyone! Everyone has a different baby and what works for them. This is purely my experience. Supply, tongue/lip tie, etc are all factors that make BF quite a challenge and not healthy for the baby. Do what is best for mommy and baby!
@tincupchalice I wondered if that was the case! Sorry if I sounded accusatory - that wasn’t my intention. I was just thinking in my head, “but, but I contribute here - I’m not a drive by, I swear!”
Me: 31 DH: 32 Dating since: 11/17/2001 Married: 9/26/2009 TTC: June 2016
@justsuziehttps://www.peekaboopatternshop.com/romperalls/ This one is nice because it's free if you join their facebook group. It's designed for knits though. I've made it with wovens before (editing the pattern to accomodate) and I definitely prefer it with knits.
Is anyone still taking progesterone or took it in early pregnancy? I saw my OB yesterday and she wants me to take it from 20w-32w. There is a study that shows it can help women who have previously gone into preterm labor. I've never taken it before, just wondering about side effects etc.
@doraleigh35 I’ve been taking it since 16 weeks for that reason, and will continue until 36. If they want you to do the shots it’s called 17P or Makena and is different than what people take in early pregnancy (different chemical makeup and lasts a week vs being taken 3 times per day). The only side effects I’ve had so far, 7 doses in, have been minor and at the injection site, like stinging and itchiness, and sometimes a small lump that goes away if I apply a hot compress. It might make me a little sleepy the first day or two each week, but it’s hard to tell if that’s the shot or pregnancy. I have the nurse give it to me at the office because it’s a pretty thick and long injection that has to go in the right spot (in the butt!). They can also teach you to do it at home though.
Summary: It’s not so bad and so far it’s working for me
Re: Weekly Questions 12/18
thank you both so much! I’m so excited to stay home but I’m trying to be realistic about what it will mean and how it will look. Thank you!
On the weekends, he changes most of the diapers and we share the rest of responsibilities depending on our schedule.
Some days one of them favors me, other days they favor me, but most days they're pretty even with us both.
I credit dh for how much he really does with and for them when he does see them.
I think we had it "easier" because even when I'm alone, I cannot give 1 twin my full attention at all times.
We also were very "hand off" friendly when we were with family or friends. If someone else wanted to hold, feed, or change them we were all about it. I think that may have also helped them not be so dependent on us at family gatherings and such.
I work part time, but I’m home all day, so I consider myself a SAHM. DH watches the kiddos in the evening and on the weekends. I strongly suggest you pump and introduce a bottle immediately. Everyone will freak out and scream “nipple confusion no!!!!!” But, in my experience, if you don’t give them a bottle right away, they may never get used to it, and you won’t be able to leave them for longer than 2 hours. Also, make sure you let your DH figure out his own way of caring for the baby. He will do things differently than you and that’s ok.
@tincupchalice yeah I’m sure every kid is different. My niece had bottles with pumped milk for about half her meals and straight boob for the rest. For her the only issue was that she wouldn’t take a bottle from mom. Someone else had to do it or she would want boob, but she was happy to take bottles from everyone else!
I guess I’m looking for some advice. Would it make sense to have a schedule? Have me get up with the baby during a certain stretch of the night and then have DH take over (or vice versa)? Obviously it complicates things since I plan to breast feed.
Dating since: 11/17/2001
Married: 9/26/2009
TTC: June 2016
EDD: 5/14/2018
Dating since: 11/17/2001
Married: 9/26/2009
TTC: June 2016
EDD: 5/14/2018
Another option could be to hire a doula or breastfeeding coach? But I'm a FTM so I'll leave it to the experts to chime in
- if there are resources at your hospital for bfing, take advantage of all of them. Mine had a class every morning (which was really helpful for me to figure out how the baby should latch), and a lactation consultant (who came at a time when the baby was sleeping, but I should have pushed to have her come back).
- bfing was eventually a piece of cake for me (and my ds), but the beginning is HARD. You are exhausted after giving birth, trying to figure out what you are doing, dealing with milk coming in, oh and did I mention you are exhausted! Find out in advance what resources are available in your area/ and what is covered by your insurance (lactation consultants, etc). Have those phone numbers on hand so it doesn’t seem overwhelming to try and find help.
Talk to other moms who have done it (this group will help a ton because we will be going through it at the same time). I had some other moms reach out to me and share their bfing struggles and tips, and it was really helpful to know that it wasn’t something that was just seamless, natural and easy for everyone right from the start
Dating since: 11/17/2001
Married: 9/26/2009
TTC: June 2016
EDD: 5/14/2018
Also, just because you formula feed, doesn’t mean you need to feel guilty. My guilt is less that she got formula and more that I didn’t put a real effort in. She’s perfect and brilliant (I’m biased) and currently singing her ABCs. Don’t think I did too much damage.
@Poppy0419, I used kellymom a ton! There are so many articles about pretty much everything! DS has been on the low end of the growth charts since birth (holding steady at 15th % currently). Now we realize he's just a little guy but I had quite a few pediatricians tell me to supplement just based on his weight. He was wetting and having regular dirty diapers based on every recommendation. He was gaining weight at every check (bottom of their scales, but gaining). LC did before and after feeding weight measurements to check that I was producing enough milk (I was). He was hitting milestones at or before he was supposed to. Again, he's just not a big kid. Just like there are 90th % babies, there has to be 15th % ones, and my son is one of them.
BFing isn't for everyone, but I recommend surrounding yourself with people who are knowledgeable on how it works. Kellymom has growth charts for BF babies and tips. Interview pediatricians to find one who looks at the whole child and not one piece of the puzzle (not just with BFing, but in general). I went to BF classes before DS was born to learn about different holds and about correct latch. In the end, I would have been fine to supplement if we needed to. It may not seem like it(
Please note... I'm definitely not judging anyone who FF their baby! A fed baby is most important! I never know how things come across online so please know I mean no offense to anyone! Everyone has a different baby and what works for them. This is purely my experience. Supply, tongue/lip tie, etc are all factors that make BF quite a challenge and not healthy for the baby. Do what is best for mommy and baby!
Dating since: 11/17/2001
Married: 9/26/2009
TTC: June 2016
EDD: 5/14/2018
https://maxandmeena.com/products/bitty-bubble-romper-and-bubble-bottoms-sewing-pdf-pattern This one isn't free but it can be done with wovens and has lots of options included.
Summary: It’s not so bad and so far it’s working for me