Two week countdown until Christmas and three week countdown until 2018?! How did this happen so fast?
Ok, here’s my question: DS daycare follows our public school calendar and will therefore be closed for two weeks starting next Monday. We are going to take advantage of the time off by potty training! Any advice from other toddler moms on the big PT?
@shireeallason best advice with potty training. Try to do what's best for you and your toddler. I have read so many different takes on how to potty training and not everything worked with my DD, she is a little stubborn. Some things you could try are taking them out of their diaper and make them go sit on the potty every half hour and up the time you take them as they get better. Give a reward like a piece of candy or a toy every time they go. Well really helped my DD is daycare she was around kids who were fully potty trained, she did ok at home but wasn't great. Finally back in October it really clicked for her and she has done great, she just had trouble with the pooping. Then a few weeks ago my mom suggested going to the dollar store and buy a bunch of small toys and wrap them up and when she went poop she could pick a present out. So far we have gone 2 weeks without any accidents. So fingers crossed that we don't take any steps back with this. So there are tons of methods out there you just have to do what works for your child.
I am also on the potty training train. So is it best to just do it over a few days like the others talked about? I am kind of just letting her do it as she wants, like yesterday she said she had to poop so I took her to the potty and she did. They always put her on the potty at daycare at every diaper change and she has only gone pee twice, I never set her on at home unless she initiates it...So, is a push for a couple days of sitting every hour or so better?
@itsrandiyo I agree with some of the remarks above. I don't have DD full time so I didn't have weeks to try and make something work, I had a long weekend. I used the three day method because I only had a few days to make it work (we hadn't tried anything before this and she didn't show interest/or lack of either...25 months) and pooping took a little longer but we avoided pull ups all together and her accidents have been rare since we trained. I'll note that she had been waking up in the mornings dry prior to potty training, so i'm sure this aided in the overnight piece of it.
Thanks for the advice @Dumbgurl04 I will totally go to the dollar store this week! My DS will do anything for stickers!
@itsrandiyo we have been doing the same thing for a few months. The potty is out, when he asks we let him go. It’s been successful, but not consistent. His daycare is the one that suggested the several day method.
I will need to try that then! I feel like she will never be potty trained, so maybe it'll kick it in gear!
@itsrandiyo girl I’m with ya. My son will be 3 in February and has shown ZERO interest in potty training. My mom keeps saying not to worry, “he won’t go to kindergarten in diapers!”
@itsrandiyo The 3 day method did not work for us that well my child is very stubborn at times. Even when I tried to change a few things to work for us still didn't help that much. I hope the 3 day method will work with this LO but I'm just going to play it by ear cause who knows if he will be stubborn as well. Another thing someone suggested to me, which it somewhat worked but not really. Let your child pick out the underwear at the store and "throw it out" if they potty in it, granted not every pair needed to be thrown out but DD did not like it when I threw out her Troll Underwear.
Question for STM+: at what age did your older kids start dropping the afternoon nap? DS has been torturing us with sleep (or lackthereof) lately, and I’m trying to figure out if it’s a regression or if it’s The End of Naps.
Backstory: out of the blue a few weeks ago he started freaking out when we leave him in his room. He needs one of us to stay until he falls asleep (shoot me). He does this with napping as well as bed time. He clearly NEEDS a nap as he’s an absolute beast without one. But if he takes one, he’s easily up until 9:30 or 10pm and it makes me cry. This happened last night, and then he was up at 5:30 this morning. Whyyyy. (To be clear, we always put him down at 7:30pm regardless, it’s not like he’s up and having fun. He’s in his bed, lying down).
WWYD? Have him skip naps and deal with beast mode all afternoon, or keep the naps and hope he works through the sleep issues? He’s not quite 3 yet so I feel like this is a gray area, nap-wise.
DD has been a napper since I can remember, she at 4.5 naps at school probably 75% of the time during their quiet time (she has a quiet box she can play with if she chooses) That being said nap or no nap we have a 830 bed time and she falls asleep either way. We had the beast hours for a few months and eventually she started handling no nap better. (if we're in the car around a time she'd be sleeping at school she'll likely fall asleep these days)
That being said she couldn't really function well in the evening without one at your sons age. I'd probably go a week or so with no nap and grin and bear it and see if it helps. If its causing more pain all around i'd go back to naps and maybe limit the amount of time he sleeps (i.e wake him up after 45 min or whatever time works for you) We also for a while did the whole "you don't have to nap but you have to have quiet alone time in your room for atleast 30 min". I'd usually find her asleep at the end of the 30 min.
@kmalls DD still has nap time at school, although I don't think she always naps. When she is at home she usually doesnt nap. (She just turned 3 at the end of October). I think it was maybe around 2.5 that we stopped enforcing naps at home. There are times she will just fall asleep on her own like in the car or just will sit on the couch watching her kindle and she will fall asleep. The biggest problem we have had at night recently is she wants to read another book, a drink of water, or even to go "potty" anything to stay up later.
As far as potty training, my advice is to make sure it remains a positive experience. Kiddos can be really sensitive about the bathroom, and getting upset or frustrated will make it a negative experience they further want to avoid. DS loved reading and looking at potty books when he trained.
My three year old doesn’t nap at all. We stopped napping around 2 at home, and daycare has finally stopped making him nap at our request. Unfortunately, he takes forever to fall asleep if he naps during the day.
@kmalls it totally depends on your kids, i’ve found. My oldest daughter is 5 and is still happy to take a nap when she can (and is cranky when she gets home from school without one). My 3 year old DD still NEEDS a nap and I go to lengths to make sure she gets one; we skipped her nap time for an afternoon birthday party recently and she came home and passed out cold on the couch (even with full activity around her). Then again, I know tons of kids who are all done with naps by three, so it sure could be.
My money would be on a psychological phenomenon and not a physical one (because you say he is cranky without one); if you wanted to test it and see if the night time troubles are truly caused by too much sleep or something different, you could try waking him up after a 30 or so minute nap and see if that makes any difference (I would say try cutting his nap altogether for 2 weeks and see how that goes, but if your kid is like my kids, he would fight it even more if you tried to go back to it later).
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I feel all of you on potty training. My girl is going to be 3 in 3 months, and she is torturing us about it. We have tried rewards, the three day thing, billions of potty books, sticker charts, etc and all we have accomplished is making her think that occasionally people just need a half-naked social hour whilst sitting on a special chair.
She willingly sits, but just thinks it is reading and chatting time, and almost never actually uses the potty. Doing the 3 day lockdown just set her back for months, and freak out about not having a diaper on. We just got her comfy with sitting a lot during the day again. Woman is killing us since the daycare charges a higher rate for kids who move to the big kid house not potty trained.
question from a ftm has anyone used a doula pros and cons? I am trying to figure this out, my initial idea was no but know I am starting to second guess myself. I see the positives but there is not a ton of option in my area and I met with two different ones and our personalities were totally different and I didn't feel comfortable at all.
We did the three day potty training boot camp. We let him pick out the underwear and training seat however he preferred his little potty. We also had treats and toy cars to bribe him. He only wore underwear the first day and we kept him in the house. After the 5th accident he started figuring it out and started using the little potty. The next day got a little easier but there were still accidents. We put him in diapers at nap time and night. By the third day, he was holding it in during naps and would wake up dry. He had a few accidents but he would shout “pee” and a little would come out but he would stop it and run to the potty. He went back to daycare in pull ups and he tried a few times but then it started to peter out. He now only goes at home at night and in the morning. Our doctor said that’s fine for now and to just keep encouraging him which is what we plan to do. He’ll get there when he’s ready. He gets the concept which was honestly half the battle. i say give it a shot and be patient!
@kmalls at 2.5 it DS was refusing naps for us. He would nap at daycare without issue though! Drove us crazy. We still followed his routine and put him down for a nap. If he stayed up during that time we didn’t force it. Eventually though he would fall asleep but we would wake him up at normal time. He was beastly but it helped him fall asleep at night. As for nighttime he went though a spurt where he wanted us to lay down with him. We eventually put a stop to it and let him cry it out. By day 2-3 he didn’t fight us anymore and now he goes down with a kiss and a hug. I think he’ll work through it. Just hang in there!!
Re: potty training - my DD is only 20 months but her school is getting her started on it. I personally think it's way too early. My friend told me a theory about potty training that makes a lot of sense to me -- which is that there is a developmental point, which is different for every kid, where they will just "get" it and it will click. It's like a wall. If you try to force potty training before that point it can be like smashing into the wall for months and getting nowhere. Once you hit that point, it's really easy and kid will pretty much do it on their own. I don't know if there is any scientific basis for this theory, but it makes a lot of sense based on what I've seen and heard. So I'm not stressing too much to force her to sit on the potty outside school at this point - I'd love to get her trained before the baby comes, but it's going to be on her time. If she were closer to 3 or even 2 1/2 maybe I'd be testing the waters more.
@sunshine27shy I thought a lot about getting a doula, and decided against it due to cost and the fact that I felt my DH and mom could provide adequate support. I made my DH take a prenatal couples yoga workshop with me where we learned and practiced a lot of doula-esque techniques for pain management, like rebozo sifting and a way for him to press your hips together to relieve pressure, etc. It gave us both some peace of mind that we could do our best to try for an unmedicated birth because we had some tools at our disposal.
Long story short, none of the techniques I thought I'd want to use (movement, massage, yoga ball, rebozo) were appealing to me at all when I was in labor. I just wanted to lie on my side and go deep inside my own head during each contraction. My mom and DH touching me and offering me water got really annoying, hah. So I was really glad I didn't have another person there to get in the way! But everyone is SO different and I've heard moms say they never could have done with without their doula. It's so person and hard to know what you'll want in the moment. But one thing you can think about is how you deal with pain / stress normally - do you seek help from others or do you want to be left the F alone? I should have known I'd want to retreat into my own head space, hah.
@sunshine27shy We had a doula for our first delivery and will have a doula again for this delivery. It was a great experience.
We initially hired the doula because we felt we were in over our heads regarding the labor process and there was no way I wanted either of our moms in the room. She turned out to be soooo much more than just a coach. I had a really long labor (30hours) and the doula allowed my DH to take some breaks and go eat. She was also extremely supportive when things went south and didn't judge regarding the epidural or the c-section. My biggest fear was that I would feel like I let them down if I didn't go the all natural route, which was so far from the truth. We have started having our monthly meetings with our doula this go around. Next week she is teaching my husband some new prenatal massage techniques
I would say, it is important to find someone that you click with. GL!
@shireeallason I tried the 3-day method with DS and honestly all that came from it was way, way too many pee clean-ups for the long weekend. I waited a few months until he seemed more ready and then did it gradually with marshmallows as rewards--first he would get one for trying and two for succeeding, and eventually just one for succeeding. That finally worked. When we were out of the house I would put him in underwear with a pull-up over them so that he could feel when he was wet but also I wouldn't have to mop up his pee from public floors (yes this definitely happened before I started adding pull-ups).
For overnights he was in pull-ups longer because I really don't think they can help it if they just don't wake up to pee. DS is a very heavy sleeper and until he could hold it all night there was no way he could potty train for it.
@kmalls DS stopped napping when he was three. Mostly for selfish reasons, I never cut him off from naps even if it made bedtime later/more difficult (I needed the break!). But at 3 he just stopped sleeping at naptime both at daycare and at home and I didn't see the point in forcing him to stay in there when he wasn't tired at all.
Douglas are a really personal decision, and you have to be very frank and honest with yourself before committing to one. I interviewed several of them, and didn't feel comfortable with any of them. Then I had a sudden self-realization moment: people annoy the shit out of me when I am in pain. I want to be left alone, and especially don't want people to "nurture" me (for some reason it comes across as condescending and interfering).
So yeah, a doula would be an amazing source of support if during pain and stress you tend to look for external comfort. If, instead, you just want to smack whoever touches you when you are hurting, and be left alone, it's probably not for you .
We will try potty training after the holidays. My 19 month old is showing signs he's ready. We will see how it goes. We plan on trying a few days to see if he's in to it. If not we will try again in a month. My oldest was mostly trained by 18 months for all poop. Took until almost 2 to consistently get peeing down. He had some sensory issues and hated being wet or messy which I think really helped with training him.
Thanks all for the napping advice. I really truly don’t believe he’s ready to stop napping all together, so I’m trying out the “go play quietly in your room tactic” today — but only after me sitting in his room for 30 minutes resulted in watching him play with dinosaurs the whole time. Now he’s been standing at the gate in his doorway, screaming and crying, for 20 minutes. I’m at my wits end, I seriously feel like I’m losing it. The noise he’s making is keeping DD awake down the hallway, who is a champion sleeper.
I really freaking can’t stand toddlerhood, sometimes.
@shireeallason I tried the 3-day method with DS and honestly all that came from it was way, way too many pee clean-ups for the long weekend. I waited a few months until he seemed more ready and then did it gradually with marshmallows as rewards--first he would get one for trying and two for succeeding, and eventually just one for succeeding. That finally worked. When we were out of the house I would put him in underwear with a pull-up over them so that he could feel when he was wet but also I wouldn't have to mop up his pee from public floors (yes this definitely happened before I started adding pull-ups).
For overnights he was in pull-ups longer because I really don't think they can help it if they just don't wake up to pee. DS is a very heavy sleeper and until he could hold it all night there was no way he could potty train for it.
I’m finding this is very kid-dependent. Dd is just a heavy sleeper. She can’t hold it and wakes up wet. She’s still in a pull up at 6. Ds we learned just used the pull up as an excuse to pee (almost immediately after we put the pull up on) so he has been going to bed in underwear since he was 2.5! Only rare accidents even after 13+ hours.
Ugh @kmalls does he respond well to rewards? (ok lets just call it what it is, bribery) I'd maybe set a timer in his room and say he has to have quiet time for that amount, if he can do it without coming out or crying etc, then you'd get X reward...maybe a toy he loves, a special snack, or a sticker chart that builds up to a toy reward/ice cream date etc. I'd be losing it too.
random but my fav potty training story. My dad was watching DD for a weekend (she was maybe 4 months into being potty trained). I told him he could give her an m&m if she asked for it after using the bathroom but I didn't rely on them at that point. She woke up the second morning with him: DD "Grandpa you forgot to give me an M&M for going potty" My dad "you haven't gone potty today!" DD "No last night. I went pee in the tub!!"
Ugh @kmalls does he respond well to rewards? (ok lets just call it what it is, bribery) I'd maybe set a timer in his room and say he has to have quiet time for that amount, if he can do it without coming out or crying etc, then you'd get X reward...maybe a toy he loves, a special snack, or a sticker chart that builds up to a toy reward/ice cream date etc. I'd be losing it too.
@ekendall09 it’s probably worth a shot, though bribery in general isn’t a big thing for him. He’s not a big eater, but we’ll tell him he can have a cookie if he takes x more bites of food. Kid will just throw his food on the floor and ask for the cookie anyway
Regarding Potty Training: We followed the Oh Crap! Potty Training Book, it's similar to (if not the same) the '3-day' method. It took DS more like a week but it worked for us! FWIW, DS was not asking to be changed, nor waking up dry, nor having any other indicators that he was 'ready' other than following me into the bathroom. He still had accidents for a while but had the major concepts down in the first week. For us the key was consistency. Once we committed to potty training we ditched diapers for good and completely skipped over pull-ups. We did a lot of laundry for a while and carried around extra clothing but it was worth it.
@kmalls regarding nap time: NOOOOOoooooo!!! I don't want to think about naps dropping! DS will be three next week and he's going to nap forever and ever and ever......... /sigh. I hope. I've always heard "sleep begets sleep" so I'd be hesitant to pull the nap... but who the hell knows. Sleep is such a crap shoot. Maybe he's just going through a phase in the evening? Have you tried skipping the nap? Does he just pass out at night from exhaustion? DS is like yours without a nap... a holy terror so it would be a last ditch effort for us to skip it.
@sunshine27shy, on the topic of doulas, I echo what everyone else has said about making sure you click. I think Doulas are an amazing resource and if I weren't so lazy and it were easier to hire one I would totally do it. I see the benefit of a doula more as the person to interface with your medical team on your behalf, the person who will tell them no and argue with them when you're too tired to do so, or convince them yes when they won't listen etc. I see doulas equally as your advocate during labor as one of your labor coaches. Because it's such an intimate 'job' I really think you want to make sure you feel 10000% comfortable with them and trust them.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
@kmalls ugh, solidarity. Screaming at nap/bed time makes me feel like I’m losing it too. So it sounds like he just doesn’t want to be left alone in his room to sleep - and like duh, lots and lots of adults don’t like that either. But unless you plan on room-sharing sometime soon, it’s also kind of a tough cookies situation.
Like @ekendall09 said, you could try bribery - I at one point had a reward chart where DD2 could put a sticker on it every time she went to bed without screaming and got a pre-selected prize after a certain number of stickers. If feasible, you could also box up the toys in his room (or just his favorite toys) and make the deal with him that it’s his choice: no screaming and they stay in his room for him to play with, but if he screams you take them out.
I think you also have to recognize that he is smart enough to realize that he gets a ton of power from this behavior; he probably knows it drives you crazy and keeps his sister from sleeping, which is a whole lot of power for an almost 3 year old. (Not saying he’s bad or manipulative- really can’t be at that age - he’s just smart and wants what he wants). So even though he’s obviously upset or unhappy, I wouldn’t assume that he’s actually in distress, particularly if he does it every single time he’s expected to go to sleep, night or day. Good luck, mama, and hang in there. This will stop one day.
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Question for STMs+ I'm on the fence about the Fire 7 Kids Tablet. Anyone have one? Does anyone use Amazon FreeTime? Do you know if it includes access to video content on Nick Jr. and Disney Jr.? The tablet comes with one year free of FreeTime and it's worth it to me to pay for FreeTime if it means we have access to Nick Jr. And Disney Jr. content without a cable subscription.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
@kmalls I don't have specific advice on naps, but my heart goes out to you. Toddlers can be so exasperating. My DH got mad at me last weekend for saying my daughter was annoying. I clarified that I don't think SHE's annoying, but her behavior was annoying the crap out of me that day. He's Mr. patient, never loses his cool, and thinks I am "mean" when I snap at her now and then. But I am the one she goes to with all of her whiny / fussy crap and I deal with her more than him, so I'm not going to apologize that sometimes it drives me crazy!
@kaymaroo your instincts about overnight training are spot on. It is 100% outside of conscious control. There is actually a chemical your brain produces to wake you up, and your genes determine when that chemical starts being produced. Some people don't have the physical capability of waking to pee until much later than others.
@kaymaroo Great advice. Just like @ladythrice we have read the Oh Crap! Potty Training Book. We really want to take advantage of this time at home with DS. In the book it says anywhere between 3-10 days is normal to get the hang of things. We have cleared the calendar and are ready for some yule logs around the house
@mountainsmama@shireeallason@ngolimento and @ladythrice thank you for your thoughts. it definately is going to help everyone I had talked to up to this point has told me to go with one. But I wasn't clicking and I hate to be coddled when i am stressed or hurt and I hadn't really even thought about that. so thanks
Anyone here have an anterior placenta in a previous pregnancy? I just found out at my a/s that I do this time (though I already had suspected it). I’m majorly bummed because feeling baby move is my favorite part of pregnancy, and from what I’ve read and been experiencing so far, it will be limited. If you’ve had one before, was there a point in your pregnancy when you started getting bigger, more consistent movement, or was it always small and limited?
Mama to Rowan Sebastian and baby boy coming in April!
@kmalls we are starting to experience no-naps. We tell both DD#2 (almost 4) and my 6 year old to rest for a bit or look at a book. DD#2 is starting to have "relax" time on the weekends for thirty minutes. Sometimes she sleeps and then we let her sleep till done, but most days she just lays in her room with books.
Potty training - the reward chart worked great. Both of my daughters seemed to strain when they pooped. This caused them to not want to potty on the toilet, I think standing helped get things loose better. We introduced Miralax to their routine and after that we didn't have issues. Now I know there was a report this year about the dangers of Miralax, so I suggest consulting your pediatrician.
Thanks again for all the support on nap time, ladies. @lindsye you’re absolutely right in that he’s not in distress, it’s more like he’s testing boundaries. For that reason I’m perfectly fine with letting him cry it out, to a point. I ended up leaving him in his room for about 45 minutes today (he screamed the entire time) and then put him in our bed. He fell asleep for about an hour, which he badly needed, but it was way later in the day than I would have liked. It is what it is, though.
We decided to try a new approach to bed time tonight. We put DD to bed at 7:30, then let DS stay up until 8:30 as long as he was sitting with us on the couch, watching a movie. We figure it’s stupid to force an earlier bedtime than he wants right now — clearly it just makes all of us frustrated. DH is upstairs with him now, and we’re hoping he falls asleep quickly. Fingers crossed it’s easier for everyone!
@kmalls We were having major bedtime/wake up 4 times per night/ nap time issues with our 2.5 yr old DS until we got the OK to Wake clock at Target. It’s a lifesaver! He started staying in his room until his clock turned green within 2 days of us getting it! We have had no more issues!
Mama to Rowan Sebastian and baby boy coming in April!
Re: Questions week 12/10
Ok, here’s my question:
DS daycare follows our public school calendar and will therefore be closed for two weeks starting next Monday. We are going to take advantage of the time off by potty training! Any advice from other toddler moms on the big PT?
I am also on the potty training train. So is it best to just do it over a few days like the others talked about? I am kind of just letting her do it as she wants, like yesterday she said she had to poop so I took her to the potty and she did. They always put her on the potty at daycare at every diaper change and she has only gone pee twice, I never set her on at home unless she initiates it...So, is a push for a couple days of sitting every hour or so better?
Thanks for the advice @Dumbgurl04 I will totally go to the dollar store this week! My DS will do anything for stickers!
@itsrandiyo we have been doing the same thing for a few months. The potty is out, when he asks we let him go. It’s been successful, but not consistent. His daycare is the one that suggested the several day method.
...but at this point I’m not so sure
Backstory: out of the blue a few weeks ago he started freaking out when we leave him in his room. He needs one of us to stay until he falls asleep (shoot me). He does this with napping as well as bed time. He clearly NEEDS a nap as he’s an absolute beast without one. But if he takes one, he’s easily up until 9:30 or 10pm and it makes me cry. This happened last night, and then he was up at 5:30 this morning. Whyyyy. (To be clear, we always put him down at 7:30pm regardless, it’s not like he’s up and having fun. He’s in his bed, lying down).
WWYD? Have him skip naps and deal with beast mode all afternoon, or keep the naps and hope he works through the sleep issues? He’s not quite 3 yet so I feel like this is a gray area, nap-wise.
DD has been a napper since I can remember, she at 4.5 naps at school probably 75% of the time during their quiet time (she has a quiet box she can play with if she chooses) That being said nap or no nap we have a 830 bed time and she falls asleep either way. We had the beast hours for a few months and eventually she started handling no nap better. (if we're in the car around a time she'd be sleeping at school she'll likely fall asleep these days)
That being said she couldn't really function well in the evening without one at your sons age. I'd probably go a week or so with no nap and grin and bear it and see if it helps. If its causing more pain all around i'd go back to naps and maybe limit the amount of time he sleeps (i.e wake him up after 45 min or whatever time works for you) We also for a while did the whole "you don't have to nap but you have to have quiet alone time in your room for atleast 30 min". I'd usually find her asleep at the end of the 30 min.
My three year old doesn’t nap at all. We stopped napping around 2 at home, and daycare has finally stopped making him nap at our request. Unfortunately, he takes forever to fall asleep if he naps during the day.
My money would be on a psychological phenomenon and not a physical one (because you say he is cranky without one); if you wanted to test it and see if the night time troubles are truly caused by too much sleep or something different, you could try waking him up after a 30 or so minute nap and see if that makes any difference (I would say try cutting his nap altogether for 2 weeks and see how that goes, but if your kid is like my kids, he would fight it even more if you tried to go back to it later).
She willingly sits, but just thinks it is reading and chatting time, and almost never actually uses the potty. Doing the 3 day lockdown just set her back for months, and freak out about not having a diaper on. We just got her comfy with sitting a lot during the day again. Woman is killing us since the daycare charges a higher rate for kids who move to the big kid house not potty trained.
@kmalls at 2.5 it DS was refusing naps for us. He would nap at daycare without issue though! Drove us crazy. We still followed his routine and put him down for a nap. If he stayed up during that time we didn’t force it. Eventually though he would fall asleep but we would wake him up at normal time. He was beastly but it helped him fall asleep at night. As for nighttime he went though a spurt where he wanted us to lay down with him. We eventually put a stop to it and let him cry it out. By day 2-3 he didn’t fight us anymore and now he goes down with a kiss and a hug. I think he’ll work through it. Just hang in there!!
@sunshine27shy I thought a lot about getting a doula, and decided against it due to cost and the fact that I felt my DH and mom could provide adequate support. I made my DH take a prenatal couples yoga workshop with me where we learned and practiced a lot of doula-esque techniques for pain management, like rebozo sifting and a way for him to press your hips together to relieve pressure, etc. It gave us both some peace of mind that we could do our best to try for an unmedicated birth because we had some tools at our disposal.
Long story short, none of the techniques I thought I'd want to use (movement, massage, yoga ball, rebozo) were appealing to me at all when I was in labor. I just wanted to lie on my side and go deep inside my own head during each contraction. My mom and DH touching me and offering me water got really annoying, hah. So I was really glad I didn't have another person there to get in the way! But everyone is SO different and I've heard moms say they never could have done with without their doula. It's so person and hard to know what you'll want in the moment. But one thing you can think about is how you deal with pain / stress normally - do you seek help from others or do you want to be left the F alone? I should have known I'd want to retreat into my own head space, hah.
We initially hired the doula because we felt we were in over our heads regarding the labor process and there was no way I wanted either of our moms in the room. She turned out to be soooo much more than just a coach. I had a really long labor (30hours) and the doula allowed my DH to take some breaks and go eat. She was also extremely supportive when things went south and didn't judge regarding the epidural or the c-section. My biggest fear was that I would feel like I let them down if I didn't go the all natural route, which was so far from the truth. We have started having our monthly meetings with our doula this go around. Next week she is teaching my husband some new prenatal massage techniques
I would say, it is important to find someone that you click with. GL!
For overnights he was in pull-ups longer because I really don't think they can help it if they just don't wake up to pee. DS is a very heavy sleeper and until he could hold it all night there was no way he could potty train for it.
So yeah, a doula would be an amazing source of support if during pain and stress you tend to look for external comfort. If, instead, you just want to smack whoever touches you when you are hurting, and be left alone, it's probably not for you
I really freaking can’t stand toddlerhood, sometimes.
@kmalls regarding nap time: NOOOOOoooooo!!! I don't want to think about naps dropping! DS will be three next week and he's going to nap forever and ever and ever......... /sigh. I hope. I've always heard "sleep begets sleep" so I'd be hesitant to pull the nap... but who the hell knows. Sleep is such a crap shoot. Maybe he's just going through a phase in the evening? Have you tried skipping the nap? Does he just pass out at night from exhaustion? DS is like yours without a nap... a holy terror so it would be a last ditch effort for us to skip it.
@sunshine27shy, on the topic of doulas, I echo what everyone else has said about making sure you click. I think Doulas are an amazing resource and if I weren't so lazy and it were easier to hire one I would totally do it. I see the benefit of a doula more as the person to interface with your medical team on your behalf, the person who will tell them no and argue with them when you're too tired to do so, or convince them yes when they won't listen etc. I see doulas equally as your advocate during labor as one of your labor coaches. Because it's such an intimate 'job' I really think you want to make sure you feel 10000% comfortable with them and trust them.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
Like @ekendall09 said, you could try bribery - I at one point had a reward chart where DD2 could put a sticker on it every time she went to bed without screaming and got a pre-selected prize after a certain number of stickers. If feasible, you could also box up the toys in his room (or just his favorite toys) and make the deal with him that it’s his choice: no screaming and they stay in his room for him to play with, but if he screams you take them out.
I think you also have to recognize that he is smart enough to realize that he gets a ton of power from this behavior; he probably knows it drives you crazy and keeps his sister from sleeping, which is a whole lot of power for an almost 3 year old. (Not saying he’s bad or manipulative- really can’t be at that age - he’s just smart and wants what he wants). So even though he’s obviously upset or unhappy, I wouldn’t assume that he’s actually in distress, particularly if he does it every single time he’s expected to go to sleep, night or day. Good luck, mama, and hang in there. This will stop one day.
Question for STMs+ I'm on the fence about the Fire 7 Kids Tablet. Anyone have one? Does anyone use Amazon FreeTime? Do you know if it includes access to video content on Nick Jr. and Disney Jr.? The tablet comes with one year free of FreeTime and it's worth it to me to pay for FreeTime if it means we have access to Nick Jr. And Disney Jr. content without a cable subscription.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
Mama to Rowan Sebastian and baby boy coming in April!
Potty training - the reward chart worked great. Both of my daughters seemed to strain when they pooped. This caused them to not want to potty on the toilet, I think standing helped get things loose better. We introduced Miralax to their routine and after that we didn't have issues. Now I know there was a report this year about the dangers of Miralax, so I suggest consulting your pediatrician.
We decided to try a new approach to bed time tonight. We put DD to bed at 7:30, then let DS stay up until 8:30 as long as he was sitting with us on the couch, watching a movie. We figure it’s stupid to force an earlier bedtime than he wants right now — clearly it just makes all of us frustrated. DH is upstairs with him now, and we’re hoping he falls asleep quickly. Fingers crossed it’s easier for everyone!
Mama to Rowan Sebastian and baby boy coming in April!