Weekly Questions ((Week of 4 December))

mdfarmchick

barrelocarol

To anyone who had a home birth: What did you do to prep the house? Food? Our house is a constant disaster between dishes and toys. How did you handle this?

I think I just have a thousand non-medical-but-logistical questions. 

Maybe the answer is: None of this is important.

Edited: TB's auto incorrect is the most annoying part of this app. 

stlbuckeye132

Question for any STM+ who has used FMLA before... how long were you given off? I was under the impression I would be able to take up to 12 weeks off. We don't have a separate maternity policy, so this is strictly under FMLA. I was planning to take all 12 weeks.

Last week, I heard from another co-worker that you're required to provide a doctor's note, and you only get 6 weeks for a vaginal delivery and 8 weeks for c-section. Is that true?! Trying not to freak out over here... I did some frantic googling and found what's in the spoiler on the Department of Labor's website (dol.gov so seems like a legit source) under the Employer's Guide to FMLA.

From how I understand that, I do not need to provide a doctor's note and I can take up to the full 12 weeks off. Does that seem right to anyone who's done this before? I want to be able to sound as competent as I can before I talk to HR more about this.

babydale2018

@stlbuckeye132, another FTM mom here, but I talked to my companies HR rep and at least with my work we receive the 12 weeks as FMLA states but we would not be paid the whole 12 weeks. We get paid 6 weeks for a vaginal birth and 8 weeks for a c-section. The rest I can take but it will be unpaid. I hope this somewhat helps. 

ashleyf911

@stlbuckeye132 From what I understand last time I took FMLA, they don't require a doctors note to start your leave but they can/do require a doctors note authorizing you to return to work.  My note said I was fit for duty after 8 weeks, which means I couldn't come back until 8 weeks, and I was still allowed the full 12 weeks under FMLA. 

bettyvonsomethingstein

@stlbuckeye132, here is my best understanding of how things worked for me anyway.  All FMLA does is allow you to have 12 weeks off in a one-year period. It does not guarantee you get paid for any of that time. It just guarantees that you be allowed to take that time without fear of losing your job.  That section you quoted is just saying you do not need a certificate in order to take 12 weeks for bonding time.  

The certificates and the six weeks vs eight weeks can come into play with the way your paid leave time is strictures.  Many employers will allow you to use sick leave ONLY  for recovery from
childbirth, which is generally six weeks for a vaginal delivery and eight weeks for c-section.  Both can be extended of there are complications.  All require a doctor's note.

The additional six weeks or four weeks or whatever after medical recovery time is called bonding time.  Many employers won't allow you to use sick time for this and make you use vacation time/annual leave time.

My employer is very strict on how leave time was structured.  I could only use sick time until my recovery time was up.  Then I had to use vacation time for the remaining six weeks in order to take a full 12-week maternity leave.

stlbuckeye132

@babydale2018 @ashleyf911 thanks for your input! Your answers make me feel better about the situation! I was about to go into full panic mode. I'm definitely going to fight them if they try telling me I can't take the full 12 weeks off.

PS @babydale2018 that's nice your company gives you pay for some of it--mine is all unpaid!

@bettyvonsomethingstein thank you! Yes, my employer is requiring me to use up all my vacation time too, which is also BS but whatever. I just wanted to be sure that I am entitled to the full 12 weeks. I need that bonding time! (Also we have no childcare until June, so there's that too.)

ETA additional response

day38

@stlbuckeye132 STM, but with my 1st my former company had a very generous maternity leave policy so I didn't have any paid/non-paid issues (it was all paid and longer than 12 weeks). I just had to provide information regarding the birth date for timing (ie when did my leave officially start) and insurance purposes. When I called with the birth date, it wasn't even to my company's HR but a different phone number for the insurance carrier that did disability payments.

My leave this time will be under FMLA and the only thing I can think of why you'd need to provide documentation regarding the type of birth is for short term disability leave. Having a baby qualifies you for short term disability, usually 6 weeks for vaginal and 8 weeks for C-section. It pretty much always runs concurrently with FMLA. My current company's policy is the disability portion is paid leave (at a % of my salary) and the rest of the time off isn't. Not sure about the doctor's note specifically, but your coworker probably had to provide something to the insurance company since they're in charge of paying for that portion of the leave, and when she said you only get 6 or 8 weeks she probably meant pay. You do need some sort of medical sign off to get placed on disability and then return to work.

Hopefully that was helpful and not too confusing!

kalawa

So, I need opinions on something. I went for my US last week with the MFM and he said my cervix is short (2.5cm). He said he wasn't extremely concerned as there was no funneling. He wants me monitored this week with US and go from there. My MW finally called with my US date and seems VERY concerned at the length. So now I went from not beong stressed, to incredibly stressed. Which opinion would you weigh more heavily in this case?

ShawnnaO

@kalawa ahhhhh that’s tough. In my last pregnancy, my A/S showed that my daughter was so far down that I would most likely need a c-section, and the us tech made a big deal out it and called my midwife me later to tell me to schedule a second us. After that one, at my next OB apt, my midwife looked at both the us images and said “you were fine to begin with I don’t know why they made such a big deal out of this.” So in that case, my midwife’s opinion meant more to me because she ended up being right. 

however, until your next US checkup it’s hard to tell. Sometimes that initial US tech is just measuring things wrong, or maybe your midwife is like my initial us tech where she just overreacts when there might not be an issue to begin with. I think, for your peace of mind, you go with the doctor who seems less concerned until you have more information. 

notthefather

I’m so sorry @kalawa
It’s hard to say without know each provider’s personality. I think it just depends on whose judgement you feel you can trust more. Either way, I’m glad they are both on top of it and monitoring you this week. Praying all is well 

stlbuckeye132

@day38 thanks for the info! My time off is 100% unpaid and they don't offer short-term disability so I have no idea what this whole doctor's note thing is about.

I'm going to talk to my HR person (again) about this but just wanted some feedback before doing so. I looked over our employee manual and there's a ton of conflicting information from what she told me when I told her I was pregnant. Basically, this is all just a hot mess and our HR lady is incompetent, so I would really just like in writing that I am able to take 12 weeks off haha

@kalawa I don't have any words of advice, but I'll be thinking of you! I hope everything works out for the best and you can get some peace of mind asap.

barrelocarol

Great responses from everyone on FMLA. I used to work in HR, but didn’t actually administer FMLA. 

FMLA is only related to job protection and doesn’t govern pay. Typically, companies have the employee use their paid time off at 100% pay then short term disability at 66% or some similar rate, per the disability policy, for the duration of the 12 weeks. 

So, FMLA language is specific in that you would be entitled to come back to a similar  position, not your exact position.  Shift workers have a tough go with this bc the position may be the same but their original (maybe coveted shift) will be changed. Others companies might give you the same shift but slight shift reporting structures and such and this would still be fully within the law. 

Just check on where you’ll land when you’re back. Some positions may be held open as is. Some positions may be temporarily filled. Some positions may be shifted slightly to still fall within the law. 

Your company may not know exactly where you’ll land when you get back but it’s worth looking into. 

DDRRT1982

@kalawa maybe your midwife was just stressing the urgency of being monitored closely.  The good news is there is no funneling and all you are looking at now is monitoring.  Hopefully, your next scan will not show any shortening.  You know a little about normal values now, have you asked them about their plan if it does continue to shorten? 

kalawa

Thanks for the advice, and words ladies! 
@DDRRT1982 My US is tomorrow, so I'm hoping for more answers. The MW said she will be consulting and OBGYN with the results to figure out a plan depending on length. She just seemed so flustered. It may be because the MFM forgot to send her my US report as well...

barrelocarol

How are you ladies handling this? I don’t have a UTI but I need to pee excessively often and I can’t fully empty. 

Midwife gave me suggestions on positioning and it helps, but not enough. 

runsoncoffee

@stlbuckeye132 do you have short term disability? Just curious because maybe that is where your coworker is getting the 6-8 weeks. That is what happened with me but then I chose to take the additional 4-6 weeks FMLA. And yes, I believe most companies require that you deplete your vacation/sick time before using unpaid FMLA. If you do have short term disability, make sure you understand how it  works in detail. There were some misleading parts of it that I wouldn't have known if I didn't have another coworker who recently went through it.

justkeeptrying

@barrelocarol, the struggle is real. I often feel like my bladder is going to explode and then when I go to the bathroom a tiny dribble comes out. I try to shift around a ton to get baby to move out of the way and empty my bladder again. But frequently I'm just going to the bathroom again 5 minutes later. It's annoying but I don't know what else to do?

gh515

@barrelocarol @justkeeptrying I have the same thing- constantly feel like I have to pee, but barely a thing when I do go, and the have-to-go feeling persists. Of all the pleasant pregnancy symptoms, this one isn't the worst by far, but it certainly is annoying. It's my top question at my checkup on Thursday; will let you know if I get any hints or tips. 

ksmwalters

@barrelocarol The best thing I’ve found for this is to a) not go constantly despite the feeling that I probably *could* unless I’m headed out or know I’m not going to be able to go for a bit. I’ve found the sensation is less intense after a few weeks of this. And b) leaning as far forward as possible once you’ve appeared to have emptied your bladder. I almost always am able to go a bit more after I reposition. 

(I should note that I’m pretty obsessed with Kegels/pelvic floor work and was prior to pregnancy, so I’m not concerned about leakage like others might be w/r/t option A. Totally understand not wanting to delay if you’re worried about sneezing and peeing your pants.)

ShawnnaO

I agree with @ksmwalters ! This is how I manage to get through the night without getting up to pee 53 times. Sometimes you just gotta tough it out for a little bit and train your bladder to hold it in. Also, (I know we’re mainly talking daytime, but this helps me) at night, I find that sleeping with a pillow between my legs helps ALOT. 

stlbuckeye132

@scoogy19 no, we don't get short term disability. My time off is all unpaid and just through FMLA. Basically I've gotten conflicting information between my HR lady, her boss, and what our employee handbook says. I'm just trying to get to the bottom of what I actually am entitled, but at this point I don't know who to believe. I'll get to the bottom of it soon!

ETA @barrelocarol @justkeeptrying @gh515 I'm glad I'm not the only one with the feeling of needing to pee so urgently and then just a tiny dribble comes out. So annoying!

bettyvonsomethingstein

@barrelocarol, I had a friend have issues emptying her bladder while pregnant, and I seem to remember that when things got particularly bad, she would lay flat in the bathtub and pee there.  Ya gotta do what ya gotta do.  I'll have to ask her how it ultimatley resolved, whether it went away on its own or not.

kalawa

@barrelocarol I learned from a PT who specializes in pelcic floor muscles, etc. that if you are peeing for shorter than 12-15 seconds per pee, you are peeing too soon. It is more likely that your bladder needs to train itself to become less sensitive. I don't know how true this is, since I didn't research further.

barrelocarol

On mobile and can’t tag everyone but THANK YOU for these responses! Every one of them perfectly described whatever this symptom is. 

I am going to do everything you all suggested!

PS Laying flat in the bathtub to pee imagery made me scream laugh!! 

bb3vj3n

@kalawa there is no freaking way my bladder could hold 12-15 seconds worth of Urine stream right now.  lol

I also find that when I do go - its very like at a time.  

kalawa

@bb3vj3n Whoops. This advice was from a stand point of when not pregnant. No way I could hold that right now. I also don't hold urine because I am prone to bladder infections. So screw that shit haha. 

fatstagnation

I have also been having this! It started before last OB appt, and I don't have UTI. It's also come and go. Some days it's like I pee, walk out of the bathroom, and think, "hmm, did I not pee enough?" and go back in! wtf? I think little one has found a pillow s/he likes! Other days are relatively normal. Sorry you all are experiencing this but I'm glad I'm not the only one.

ashtuesday

Is anyone else particularly experiencing these bladder issues shortly after waking up?  I just posted in the symptoms thread that I'm experiencing this, but ONLY in the morning when I'm walking to the train.  It is so odd!

Gingermom15

fatstagnation said:

I have also been having this! It started before last OB appt, and I don't have UTI. It's also come and go. Some days it's like I pee, walk out of the bathroom, and think, "hmm, did I not pee enough?" and go back in! wtf? I think little one has found a pillow s/he likes! Other days are relatively normal. Sorry you all are experiencing this but I'm glad I'm not the only one.

This was so bad with my first. I found that if I peed, stood up for a minute and sat back down that I peed quite a bit more the second time. 

bb3vj3n

has anybody gone through phases of movement changes? little girl is still moving and I can feel her - but I've gone from strong kicks multiple times throughout the day and a very energetic baby with a bit of a schedule - to much weaker movement and not during her regularly active times.

Spoke with a friend who told me this was very common at 26wks as baby is still small enough to find a good hiding place or can move facing inward which will make her kicking harder to feel.... had anyone heard this?

I have an OB appointment Monday and an US Thursday so I dont want to jump the gun and panic if i don't need to.  Especially because i AM still feeling movement ....

ShawnnaO

@bb3vj3n that’s very common!!! Over Thanksgiving weekend a noticed a few days of decreased movement, and now we’re back to pretty much normal! Try not to worry too much, and definitely bring it up to your OB so you can get some peace of mind. 

fatstagnation

ashtuesday said:

Is anyone else particularly experiencing these bladder issues shortly after waking up?  I just posted in the symptoms thread that I'm experiencing this, but ONLY in the morning when I'm walking to the train.  It is so odd!

Yes and I blame it on caffeine. I drink water as soon as I wake up cause I'm thirsty and then have a cup of tea (or two). So mornings are the worst. Not sure if that's why, but that's my guess. 

@Gingermom15 that happens sometimes but not all the time. but no uti at last check up so I guess it's as normal as pg can be.  

gh515

@bb3vj3n When I mentioned to my doctor that the baby was moving constantly, she specifically said it could slow in coming weeks as he gets bigger, but as long as I felt any movement in at three different times of day, all was well. And that 10 movements over a 2 hour period is enough. Mine seems to kick somewhat constantly, so I'm sure I too will worry if/when he slows.

fatstagnation

So, I just rescheduled my glucose challenge test. (the one hour one.) This time I was told "nothing in your mouth after drinking the glucose drink. Don't even swish it out." I was not told that during the initial scheduling.

What does rinsing my mouth out have to do with the way my body metabolizes glucose? I looked on line and saw nothing about this. Is that what you guys have done? 

kalawa

@bb3vj3n It is very common to have movement changes, as long as there is consistent movement. 
TW in spoiler

TW 
That being said, my sister was feeling, what she thought was regular movement at 39w. She figured baby was big, so movement was slower and different. What she was actually feeling was baby in distress. 

bb3vj3n

@kalawa... that's what is making me nervous.. is she slowing down for as reason? I've had 2 periods today where i felt her moving a lot - but it still no really strong kicks - which is what I've become accustomed to. 

I also have a hard time getting her to respond to my belly pokes or even cold water... but I've never had a ton of success with those anyways. 

kalawa

@bb3vj3n Go with your gut. You won't be bothering any medical professional by checking up on baby. Don't feel like your panicking by wanting to reassure yourself. 

mdfarmchick

@bb3vj3n what @kalawa said. I went in for possible amniotic fluid leaking two weeks ago and several people from the ultrasound tech to the nurses at L&D said you are not bothering anyone. If there’s any question in your mind, go in and get monitored. 

npkat

Alright... do you guys consider 3rd trimester 27 or 28 weeks?

heatherdubrow

@npkat my ovia app says 28 weeks