I feel like I need a note pad to be able to read the long threads. I hate them personally. I feel like there is no way to actually form any relationships. The smaller ones are easier to respond to and have conversations. Plus all the rules are a huge turn off for me. In my previous bmb we didn't have all these rules but still had weekly gtky post and such. I still talk to many of those ladies 6 years later.
I thought my March 2014 board was super rule-y and organized but I have to say it pales in comparison to this bmb. Not saying it’s good or bad, but I think people in m14 felt comfortable posting new threads. And I think it really did help us all get to know each other. Now granted it wasn’t rehashing of “I’m puking today” or “my boobs hurt”, but maybe we were lucky that most people had common sense and knew to search before posting. Me, I prefer separate convos bc there isn’t soooooo much to catch up on and I can just scroll past threads I’m not interested in.
also ive found great community here so far so no it is not impossible and a lot of time its taking the time to jump in i dont think it is necessary to read every single post in the randoms i dont. but i skim and when I see something I want to comment on I go ahead snd comment and then keep skimming
honestly if people hate rules and they are a turn off than why not look for a community less structured?
1) Is this directed at me? 2) who made these rules? Are they part of the bump terms of service? Was this part of the bump drama that went down after our bomb from m14 migrated to Facebook? 3) I don’t think someone should be forced to abdicate membership to a board because they don’t like the rules with origins unknown. I think it’s healthy for a board to discuss rules and determine what kind of board they want, as a group...which I’m guessing is the reason for the poll.
honestly if people hate rules and they are a turn off than why not look for a community less structured?
1) Is this directed at me? 2) who made these rules? Are they part of the bump terms of service? Was this part of the bump drama that went down after our bomb from m14 migrated to Facebook? 3) I don’t think someone should be forced to abdicate membership to a board because they don’t like the rules with origins unknown. I think it’s healthy for a board to discuss rules and determine what kind of board they want, as a group...which I’m guessing is the reason for the poll.
spare me this isnt about your last bmb or you its about the fact that nothing ridiculous is being asked of people and no structure isnt rules and yer people continue to complain there are oh so many rules.
I'm also finding the rules a turn-off. I voted for less structure. Posts that get ignored drop off to the bottom as more active threads are updated. The huge threads now could be broken up. I mean, it's kind of telling that women who have been on other TB boards (and it's spin-offs) are like this is a bit much.
For example, someone wanted to start a thread about outfits, which I feel is a pretty general post and she was told to keep it in randoms, where there are a ton of different conversations going. Then someone else posted a thread about small business shopping which I could have argued it could fit in randoms. The rules for what goes where feel arbitrary.
So yes, maybe us ladies who want more freedom to enjoy this board should just go somewhere else but whats the point of that? What kind of community does this become?
But do whatever you want. This board is now owned by those who choose to spend the time to play board police.
honestly if people hate rules and they are a turn off than why not look for a community less structured?
1) Is this directed at me? 2) who made these rules? Are they part of the bump terms of service? Was this part of the bump drama that went down after our bomb from m14 migrated to Facebook? 3) I don’t think someone should be forced to abdicate membership to a board because they don’t like the rules with origins unknown. I think it’s healthy for a board to discuss rules and determine what kind of board they want, as a group...which I’m guessing is the reason for the poll.
spare me this isnt about your last bmb or you its about the fact that nothing ridiculous is being asked of people and no structure isnt rules and yer people continue to complain there are oh so many rules.
I’m not sure why you are so bent out of shape over this @lindsayleigh1989 ...the original board organization post says, verbatim:
“I've copy/pasted this from previous boards, and it seems to be the way that they are all organized, but of course we should feel free to tweak for our needs!”
and I agree that we as a board should feel free to discuss and tweak as the majority feels is sufficient.
@flockofmoosen3 that's cute name calling is very mature. also if you ever read those thread we also answered the question too for the person and never gave them snark or anything. but what do I know im only the board police. Apparently you missed all the support we lend people as well but that's okay you go ahead and pick and choose what you want to observe
My two cents: I really think everyone needs to chill the F out for a couple weeks before this gets personal. Let's agree to shut down drive by Google requests and one off AW threads (omg I am sooo tired give me hair pats) for now. If you are someone who contributes to the community and want to start a thread, do it. If people don't feel the thread is beneficial to the community culture, we can discuss it then. After a few more weeks it will become clear what works and what doesn't work for our group.
Unless they are planning on creating a 2nd July bmb, this is the board we have. It is not "The bump" making these rules. The member are and as the members we have a right to say what we like and don't. Many of us prefer not to have a Type A board, and prefer a more free flow board. It is my opinion and experience from other boards, that having such strict rules and structure will only cause more problem than organization. I plan to comment on threads I'm interested in and create new ones when I please. If you don't like it, don't read them and stick to your regularly scheduled programming.
because a lot of good progress was made today about opening more threads and having more frequent randoms and such and yet people still are complaining. that is why im frustrated people were compromising and yet we are told its still a turn off and not enough. so yeah thats frustrating
Shall we bring it back to the poll.. In which the majority voted to keep a more structured system... We were making compromises and positive changes. Bottom line is you can't please everyone, but we don't have to resort to acting like this.
Unless they are planning on creating a 2nd July bmb, this is the board we have. It is not "The bump" making these rules. The member are and as the members we have a right to say what we like and don't. Many of us prefer not to have a Type A board, and prefer a more free flow board. It is my opinion and experience from other boards, that having such strict rules and structure will only cause more problem than organization. I plan to comment on threads I'm interested in and create new ones when I please. If you don't like it, don't read them and stick to your regularly scheduled programming.
I'm also finding the rules a turn-off. I voted for less structure. Posts that get ignored drop off to the bottom as more active threads are updated. The huge threads now could be broken up. I mean, it's kind of telling that women who have been on other TB boards (and it's spin-offs) are like this is a bit much.
For example, someone wanted to start a thread about outfits, which I feel is a pretty general post and she was told to keep it in randoms, where there are a ton of different conversations going. Then someone else posted a thread about small business shopping which I could have argued it could fit in randoms. The rules for what goes where feel arbitrary.
So yes, maybe us ladies who want more freedom to enjoy this board should just go somewhere else but whats the point of that? What kind of community does this become?
But do whatever you want. This board is now owned by those who choose to spend the time to play board police.
Unless they are planning on creating a 2nd July bmb, this is the board we have. It is not "The bump" making these rules. The member are and as the members we have a right to say what we like and don't. Many of us prefer not to have a Type A board, and prefer a more free flow board. It is my opinion and experience from other boards, that having such strict rules and structure will only cause more problem than organization. I plan to comment on threads I'm interested in and create new ones when I please. If you don't like it, don't read them and stick to your regularly scheduled programming.
qfp
Lol. Let the pettiness begin. I don't miss this about these boards.
Holy toledo, batman! Let's step back, count to 10, take some MAJOR deep breaths, remember that we are a COMMUNITY of pregnant women who are all here to support eachother through this journey called being knocked the f up. Our hormones are already haywire, let's try not to cause even more chaos. @lindsayleigh1989 I know you're heart and mind are in the right place. I see it throughout this board. However, I sincerely believe others are just wanting to voice their opinions, not make you out to be a villain. Should this board be organized, absolutely! Should there be compromise, yes indeedy! I voted for option #1, however I, too, am having a harder time with the large 200+ threads. Someone else had a good idea of maybe breaking those types of threads into 2 times a week. There are a lot of GREAT information in those threads, however, they do look a little chaotic. How can we find a middle ground in this, so everyone feels like winners (because, let's be honest, everyone wants to win). I'm here for the support, laughs, and (fingers crossed) friendships in the making.
I think, particularly in the beginning when some people are trepadacious about posting, when/how/if to comment, etc... the organization is great. We will get to know each other, know who posts more and responds more about what, etc... I mean, I thought I made a mistake posting a Monday check in last night, apologized and owned it (although it turned out fine) and then today @acunamatada and I both posted twatwaffle and that worked out, too. It'll work out better, IMO and as a vet around here (8+ years on and off) the board will be better off in the end. Just my .02
there has never ever been an issue when a known and active participant has started a thread. when people who don't off support, havent even participated in the community or post ss posts (self serving ) they have been answered polity and redirected to a different spot. no one has ever had an issue with GTKY or fun threads either so people acting as if there are crazh rules are being ridiculous. plenty of compromises hve been made but to have people spit in the face of the majority decision is giving the board a big middle finger and yes I have issue with that
lindsayleigh1989 Good question...I can only speak for myself. People are going to stir the pot no matter what, whether intentional or not. I didn't call you out to make you feel shitty or bad.
lindsayleigh1989 Good question...I can only speak for myself. People are going to stir the pot no matter what, whether intentional or not. I didn't call you out to make you feel shitty or bad.
Ok, reading through the thread so far I feel like we have two main questions we're trying to answer: How many threads do we want going on at once/how freely do we want people to post (only approved threads vs. free for all vs. something in between), and what do we do about long threads? I'm going to try and break down what I've seen so far.
Regarding number of threads and freedom to post:
To the people feeling like they're offering opposition to Team Organized by saying they don't like one-off threads but want to post general interest threads, I'm pretty sure that's what we're all talking about as this thread has evolved. We're not saying, at least in my understanding, that EVERYTHING in the world has to fall under Randoms or Questions threads. @bdesterhouse is a great example; she's posted a lot of threads that are general interest and fostered great discussion. I think we're all leaning towards that kind of thing being okay, but as someone else pointed out, imagine every question in the questions thread having its own post. That would be crazy. So maybe we make the questions thread less general, something like "Pregnancy Questions" or "Ask a BTDT Mom" or even a combo questions/symptoms thread for this trimester. We can post questions like "Is this happening to anyone else?" in there, but questions like "what car seat do you love?" get their own thread. I feel like I'm watching two sides thinking they're fighting against each other when we're actually all talking about the same thing.
Regarding long threads:
It's already been suggested that we try daily threads for the topics that tend to get long, such as Randoms. I suggest we do that and see how it goes. We can always reassess if it's not working. And please keep in mind that for every person who finds community in short threads, there is someone who finds community in keeping up with long, rambling posts. For example, I'm the opposite of @brittany121087. I come on a handful of times a day and personally gravitate towards catching up on long posts and ignore the single topics if I only have time for one or the other, because in long threads I find people tend to share more of themselves, their day, and in general be more real. That's where I build community. But others are different. And that's ok, that's why we're trying to figure this out. Let's keep in mind that different people are fed different ways, and that's not wrong, it's just different. So let's try and refrain from posting in a way that makes it seem like our way is the right way and everyone else is stupid and/or wrong, and remember this is all preferences expressed by a highly varied group of women who are fed and form community in different ways. Sub communities will form organically within our group to meet those different needs. I think keeping randoms daily is a good thing to try, but would also guess that for most of us in the PGAL group, having one long thread that's updated infrequently with additional check-ins is working for us. It's like our bat-signal. We can change where we need, and keep what works, but let's all try to be kind and find the place that works for us.
In general:
As @amylu914 said, none of this should be personal, and that goes for both sides.
There's nothing helpful about calling out members who are trying to keep order and making it personal, when a) there's a great number of them at this point, and b) most of them are among the most active members of the group, who saw a need in our board and are trying to fill it. Any time someone sticks their neck out, there are going to be lots of people who want to take a swing, but few people who have better ideas or are willing to take the time to do what they're doing in a better way. @flockofmoosen3 said, "This board is now owned by those who choose to spend the time to play board police." I don't personally think that's true right now, because I don't feel like anyone OWNS this board, but can see how it may feel that way to some because it is a rule of the internet that people who are most active on a chat board set the tone, and the people who are pushing for order are among the most frequent commentors on the board. So they bring up what they see as a problem, and invite others into the decision, and get ridiculed and seen as controlling as a result. That's really not fair. If you don't like it (not you, personally,@flockofmoosen3, general you. Yours was just a good comment to reference for this point) then participate as much as you can and be a leader who helps set the tone and offers solutions. I've been on the side of some structure but some freedom from the beginning, and don't feel like those who want more order are being dictatorial or running roughshod over me. But I'm making my case and holding my ground, not bearing a grudge against those who want more order than I.
On the other side, there's no use in getting offended and taking things personally if you've been one to stick your neck out. In general people have been talking about the board, not you (with the exception of a few pointed comments which I hope will stop in favor of more helpful discourse from now on regarding this topic), and you've gotta know that if you're one of the champions for order, you're going to experience some push back. Either this topic is worth some back and forth for, or it isn't. Hurt feelings and taking things personally takes us farther away from a solution rather than closer. And I think we all want to move closer.
Ok. Now. I've been working on this post for about an hour in between making lunch and getting my kiddo down for a nap and fielding phone calls, so we're probably way beyond this now and I can't even see it, so sorry if my post is no longer timely. The last thing I see is Lindsay's comment at 1:28 so feel free to ignore me if we're way off somewhere else by the time I hit send.
ETF punctuation and grammar, because I can't help myself.
Wow. O to 60 pretty fast and this early. Will definitely be an interesting 9 months.
I agree @sopranoali - M14 was a good flow conversation wise. I don’t remember there being rules per say. There were the weekly threads and occasionally we would get a SS but they were few.
Not it sure what is going to happen with this board. We will probably find a “groove” after another couple of weeks.
Re: Board Organization Poll
2) who made these rules? Are they part of the bump terms of service? Was this part of the bump drama that went down after our bomb from m14 migrated to Facebook?
3) I don’t think someone should be forced to abdicate membership to a board because they don’t like the rules with origins unknown. I think it’s healthy for a board to discuss rules and determine what kind of board they want, as a group...which I’m guessing is the reason for the poll.
For example, someone wanted to start a thread about outfits, which I feel is a pretty general post and she was told to keep it in randoms, where there are a ton of different conversations going. Then someone else posted a thread about small business shopping which I could have argued it could fit in randoms. The rules for what goes where feel arbitrary.
So yes, maybe us ladies who want more freedom to enjoy this board should just go somewhere else but whats the point of that? What kind of community does this become?
But do whatever you want. This board is now owned by those who choose to spend the time to play board police.
Flame away! Just my 0.02 cents since you asked!
“I've copy/pasted this from previous boards, and it seems to be the way that they are all organized, but of course we should feel free to tweak for our needs!”
and I agree that we as a board should feel free to discuss and tweak as the majority feels is sufficient.
frequent randoms and such and yet people still are complaining. that is why im frustrated people were compromising and yet we are told its still a turn off and not enough. so yeah thats frustrating
We were making compromises and positive changes.
Bottom line is you can't please everyone, but we don't have to resort to acting like this.
qfp
I know you're heart and mind are in the right place. I see it throughout this board. However, I sincerely believe others are just wanting to voice their opinions, not make you out to be a villain. Should this board be organized, absolutely! Should there be compromise, yes indeedy! I voted for option #1, however I, too, am having a harder time with the large 200+ threads. Someone else had a good idea of maybe breaking those types of threads into 2 times a week. There are a lot of GREAT information in those threads, however, they do look a little chaotic. How can we find a middle ground in this, so everyone feels like winners (because, let's be honest, everyone wants to win). I'm here for the support, laughs, and (fingers crossed) friendships in the making.
Married: 6/27/2008
DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
M/C 6/2012
DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE!
M/C 12/12/2016
BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
EDD: 7/2/2018
finger and yes I have issue with that
Regarding number of threads and freedom to post:
To the people feeling like they're offering opposition to Team Organized by saying they don't like one-off threads but want to post general interest threads, I'm pretty sure that's what we're all talking about as this thread has evolved. We're not saying, at least in my understanding, that EVERYTHING in the world has to fall under Randoms or Questions threads. @bdesterhouse is a great example; she's posted a lot of threads that are general interest and fostered great discussion. I think we're all leaning towards that kind of thing being okay, but as someone else pointed out, imagine every question in the questions thread having its own post. That would be crazy. So maybe we make the questions thread less general, something like "Pregnancy Questions" or "Ask a BTDT Mom" or even a combo questions/symptoms thread for this trimester. We can post questions like "Is this happening to anyone else?" in there, but questions like "what car seat do you love?" get their own thread. I feel like I'm watching two sides thinking they're fighting against each other when we're actually all talking about the same thing.
Regarding long threads:
It's already been suggested that we try daily threads for the topics that tend to get long, such as Randoms. I suggest we do that and see how it goes. We can always reassess if it's not working. And please keep in mind that for every person who finds community in short threads, there is someone who finds community in keeping up with long, rambling posts. For example, I'm the opposite of @brittany121087. I come on a handful of times a day and personally gravitate towards catching up on long posts and ignore the single topics if I only have time for one or the other, because in long threads I find people tend to share more of themselves, their day, and in general be more real. That's where I build community. But others are different. And that's ok, that's why we're trying to figure this out.
Let's keep in mind that different people are fed different ways, and that's not wrong, it's just different. So let's try and refrain from posting in a way that makes it seem like our way is the right way and everyone else is stupid and/or wrong, and remember this is all preferences expressed by a highly varied group of women who are fed and form community in different ways. Sub communities will form organically within our group to meet those different needs. I think keeping randoms daily is a good thing to try, but would also guess that for most of us in the PGAL group, having one long thread that's updated infrequently with additional check-ins is working for us. It's like our bat-signal. We can change where we need, and keep what works, but let's all try to be kind and find the place that works for us.
In general:
As @amylu914 said, none of this should be personal, and that goes for both sides.
There's nothing helpful about calling out members who are trying to keep order and making it personal, when a) there's a great number of them at this point, and b) most of them are among the most active members of the group, who saw a need in our board and are trying to fill it. Any time someone sticks their neck out, there are going to be lots of people who want to take a swing, but few people who have better ideas or are willing to take the time to do what they're doing in a better way. @flockofmoosen3 said, "This board is now owned by those who choose to spend the time to play board police." I don't personally think that's true right now, because I don't feel like anyone OWNS this board, but can see how it may feel that way to some because it is a rule of the internet that people who are most active on a chat board set the tone, and the people who are pushing for order are among the most frequent commentors on the board. So they bring up what they see as a problem, and invite others into the decision, and get ridiculed and seen as controlling as a result. That's really not fair. If you don't like it (not you, personally,@flockofmoosen3, general you. Yours was just a good comment to reference for this point) then participate as much as you can and be a leader who helps set the tone and offers solutions. I've been on the side of some structure but some freedom from the beginning, and don't feel like those who want more order are being dictatorial or running roughshod over me. But I'm making my case and holding my ground, not bearing a grudge against those who want more order than I.
On the other side, there's no use in getting offended and taking things personally if you've been one to stick your neck out. In general people have been talking about the board, not you (with the exception of a few pointed comments which I hope will stop in favor of more helpful discourse from now on regarding this topic), and you've gotta know that if you're one of the champions for order, you're going to experience some push back. Either this topic is worth some back and forth for, or it isn't. Hurt feelings and taking things personally takes us farther away from a solution rather than closer. And I think we all want to move closer.
Ok. Now. I've been working on this post for about an hour in between making lunch and getting my kiddo down for a nap and fielding phone calls, so we're probably way beyond this now and I can't even see it, so sorry if my post is no longer timely. The last thing I see is Lindsay's comment at 1:28 so feel free to ignore me if we're way off somewhere else by the time I hit send.
ETF punctuation and grammar, because I can't help myself.
I agree @sopranoali - M14 was a good flow conversation wise. I don’t remember there being rules per say. There were the weekly threads and occasionally we would get a SS but they were few.
Not it sure what is going to happen with this board. We will probably find a “groove” after another couple of weeks.