I have a situation which seems somewhat unique, and I can't find any forum posts that are specific to this. If anyone has had a similar story, please please provide us some input. Please bear with me, as this post is extremely TMI.
First some background: I'm 41, my husband 38. We had 3 successful pregnancies earlier in our lives, but we lost our 5 year old last December. It's been a hard journey since then, but we felt like our family was incomplete, so we did a tubal reversal. To be clear: I've felt like our family was incomplete even before that, but my husband was all onboard after our daughter's accident. Anyway, after a few months of trying after the reversal, we became anxious at our (esp mine) increasing age, so we decided to try IVF.
After 15 eggs retrieved, and genetic testing (I'm sorry I don't know all the acronyms yet), we ended up with one viable frozen embryo. Because we only have one, the doctor wants to have an absolutely perfect scenario before proceeding.
The first cycle, we tried Estrace, but they found fluid in my lining so we cancelled.
The second cycle, we tried low dose Gonal-F, but I continued to have brown spotting/brown mucus up until I was about to ovulate, so we canceled again.
This time, I started on Letrozole on CD4, by which time AF had stopped. Here's the timeline since then:
CD 10 - I started having brown spotting/brown CM, which is absolutely normal for me. I don't know why, but I almost always start either brown or red spotting 3-4 days after my initial wave of AF stops. Ultrasound and bloodwork is on track, but they are concerned about the "stability" of my lining, due to the spotting.
CD 12 - Ultrasound and bloodwork. Lining looks good, 3 lines right away. Spotting seemed to have stop, so they told me to trigger that night and to tell them if I have any spotting. Transfer is scheduled for CD 18
CD 13 - There were two specks of brown on my lining. My CM is going strong, which, again, is very normal for me around ovulation. I decided it was too minor to call in.
CD 14 - (here's the TMI), I have one of those great bowel movements (I'll tell you why this is important later), courtesy of PNV, and although the wipe is clean, when I check my lining later, there is a thick blob of CM, which is brown. It's not large, so I wait, and for the rest of the day, liner is clean.
CD 15 - No bowel movement. Clean liner.
CD 16 (today) - Huge bowel movement.. which produces globs and globs on CM upon wiping... which is brown
OK, here's the thing: globs and globs of CM, especially after a BM, has been normal for me since after my first pregnancy. I remember being concerned about it, but my OBG said it was totally normal. Was it brown? Yes, sometimes. Was it brown on CD16? I have no freaking idea because prior to this year, I've never charted or kept track of things like that. However during the period after my tubal reversal, when DH and were trying to go at it naturally, we would of course time it around the time of my ovulation around CD14, and there were times when he was like "oh, there's brown crust on me." So I think it is normal for me. Also, my BMs have been extra... you know... solid... due to the PNV... so I am bearing down harder, which seems to really push other stuff out.
The transfer is still scheduled for Tuesday. I'm going in for a final ultrasound tomorrow (Monday) with the doctor, not with the ultrasound tech, so I'll get a chance to really sit down and talk to him, which has been difficult before, and most communications are through his nurses and/or the patient portal. I don't want to appear as if I'm emotionally pleading with him to proceed, because I do want him to take this evidence and come up with a logical plan, based on his decades of experience. But, if globs of CM around ovulation is normal for me (and I think it's quite normal for everyone??) and it's always going to produce some residual brown stuff.... will we ever get to a point where we can do the transfer? And I'm just getting older and older...
Does anyone have a similar story to share? I hate to push for this out of a sense of frustration/impatience and regret it. But, will I regret this 5-6 months later, and we are still waiting for a more perfect scenario? I have been stressed about this so much, and I'm trying to not be stressed, on top of the stress of the pain from the progesterone shots. And.... I honestly don't know how I can face December. Having this would make facing it a little more bearable.
Please give me some advice. Thank you so much.