My confession is that I’m so tempted to call into work today. Evidently I’m starting second trimester morning sickness after only throwing up once in the first tri I’ve thrown up about 25 times in the last week. Well works policy is you’re supposed to stay home 24 hours after any episode of vomiting or diarrhea. if my only coworker today wasn’t brand new (just started three weeks ago) or if any of the others were in instead of her today I totally would call my boss and say “man I must be coming down with something “. Also super annoyed that our boss has essentially abandoned our department to focus on her “pet” department. We will likely be losing another clinician in December and that position won’t get filled until June. (We we’re down a clinician from May through November) but I don’t plan on telling my supervisor that I’m pregnant until after Jan 1, even though we will likely be down 2 clinicians from April to June.
@riversdoctor throwing up 25 times in the past week sounds absolutely awful. I hope whatever caused it to start so suddenly resolves quickly!
Mine: I still feel completely inadequate socially when I'm with my mom. So my mom is not only a magician with people, she is also truly the kindest and most genuine person I have ever met. She is literally impossible not to like. I am a solid introvert like my Dad. I am terrible at small talk with new people and particularly around a bunch of people I don't know well, I feel like a bumbling incompetent socially.
In high school, I felt like there was something wrong with me and actually tried to be more extroverted and immediately likable like my mom is. I don't feel that way anymore - I know who I am and I like that person. But yesterday, my mom came with me to my 3 year old's Thanksgiving party at preschool (which, by the way, was wonderful because my 18 mo DS was there too and I needed help). Many of the preschool moms that I struggle to chat with three times a week at pickup? Charmed instantly by my mother, while I just kind of stood there smiling awkwardly. (I love my mom and have an excellent relationship with her as an adult, and I don't resent her one bit for being who she is. At times I just think how much easier life would be for me if I were more like her!)
Anyway, funny how being around your parents can sometimes take you back instantly to the person you were so many years ago.
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@lindsye sounds like we were the same person in high school. I tortured myself trying to be more extroverted - and I'm so glad that now, like you, I don't feel like that anymore. But yeah, I can understand how being in that situation with your mom would give you flash backs of your past. Just remember that everyone has their issues and challenges. The charming extroverts aren't perfect people just because they're good at making everyone think they are!
@stassischroeder totally agree. We're in the suburbs right now and I swear, a good 90% of the women I meet every day are the uber-smiley extroverted type. I just look at them and think, do you have any internal dialogue whatsoever? Because you haven't stopped talking in the last five minutes, so I feel like I've gotten real time updates on what's going on in your brain. And it ain't interesting. (Definitely not saying that's true of all extroverts! Just the mom ones that I seem to be meeting lately, unfortunately.)
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@stassischroeder totally agree. We're in the suburbs right now and I swear, a good 90% of the women I meet every day are the uber-smiley extroverted type. I just look at them and think, do you have any internal dialogue whatsoever? Because you haven't stopped talking in the last five minutes, so I feel like I've gotten real time updates on what's going on in your brain. And it ain't interesting. (Definitely not saying that's true of all extroverts! Just the mom ones that I seem to be meeting lately, unfortunately.)
I am very extroverted and trust me, I have an inner dialogue. And it’s probably snarky. Luckily have a good filter!
I crack my husband up on the The daily with the little barbs I come up with. He’s always telling me “quit being funny!!!” Because I usually whisper to him when it’s inappropriate to say out loud
@stassischroeder totally agree. We're in the suburbs right now and I swear, a good 90% of the women I meet every day are the uber-smiley extroverted type. I just look at them and think, do you have any internal dialogue whatsoever? Because you haven't stopped talking in the last five minutes, so I feel like I've gotten real time updates on what's going on in your brain. And it ain't interesting. (Definitely not saying that's true of all extroverts! Just the mom ones that I seem to be meeting lately, unfortunately.)
I love my best friend. I truly do. She is the one who picks my older kids up from school and watches them until I get home from work. She is wonderful and amazing.
But oh my gosh, it’s exhausting how much she wants to talk. I am a very social person, but I don’t feel the need to talk to people three times per day (at 30-60 mins each time).
I’m not a huge fan of talking on the phone anyway, so sometimes when we have been texting for a while, and she will call me out of nowhere, and we’ve already talked that night for about 45 minutes, I screen her calls. Because I don’t need another 45 minute conversation at 10:30 at night.
If you write "Please advise." at the end of an email to me, I'm going to put your request at the bottom of the list. That phrase is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Asking me a question in and of itself is enough, adding that is redundant and seems passive aggressive.
@riversdoctor That sucks you can't really call out, even when you don't feel good. I've been having (much more mild compared to yours) 2nd trimester morning sickness too and it bites.
Count me in on the introvert group. I have never ever been able to figure out how people work, and to me, conversations are like Russian Roulette. Even if you pick the most innocuous polite thing to ask/say, people are ticking time bombs of crazy. I might just have bad luck, but I have asked people I barely know how their day is, and ended up dealing with a near-stranger crying about intensely personal issues. Soooooooo awkward.
@lindsye I have the exact same type of mom. She charms literally everyone, people straight up beg her to adopt them... when I say people, I mean, 35 year old adults. I'm in awe of her honestly, and we have a super close relationship. I think what people pick up on is her unbridled optimism. Despite a tough marriage and losing a child, she just assumes the world is a fantastic place.
I'm extroverted, but way less sunshiney. I try to cultivate her optimism, but I inherited plenty of my dad's anxiety. I'm really comfortable with men but I struggle making friends with women. I am really anxious about making mommy friends. It's part of the reason I want to leave Los Angeles, just overhearing mommy conversations at whole foods, I literally have no idea how to relate to some of these women.
@stalkinghorse I feel like mommy convos held at Whole Foods would be scary for any sane person. All I can think of is two chicks discussing colon cleansing programs for their 5 yr olds.
@stalkinghorse yes! My friends growing up actually called my mom "little merry sunshine." She's as bright and optimistic as they come.
In terms of making mom (or in general, women) friends, I found it much easier when we were in the city than in the suburbs - default conversation starter out here is "so, what church do you go to?" But we moved out to the suburbs to be close to my parents (my mom sees the kids literally every day) so it is worth it. I know LA is truly a different animal, though.
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@ngolimento EXACTLY!!!!!!! @lindsye that's interesting about the city vs. suburbs. In my dream scenario, we move somewhere just straight up rural so my kids can grow up with lots of dirt and animals. But I think just leaving LA would be an improvement.
One more thing! Is it bad that I fantasize about cutting my husband out of ALL the nursery planning? I found these cool, design-ey playmats for the nursery and sent them for his approval. He likes them but what he really wants is a dumb morrocan rug he saw in Archictural Digest... first picture here.
guys! I know it's awesome my husband is knowledgeable about design and that we have a beautiful home as a result. I get that this is his creative outlet since he stopped being an artist. I get that he does this professionally. But he is literally clueless about kids and makes suggestions that are wildly inappropriate. I've tried not to come down from on high and lecture him about the importance of washable, hygienic, non-suffocating but I keep getting these dumb Morrocan rug suggestions that look "cozy" to him. I just want him to exit stage left so I can plan something practical.
@stalkinghorse that is so sweet. My husband doesn't giving a flying you know what about the baby stuff I select so I am on the other end of the spectrum. I bet reality will become apparent to your DH soon enough after baby arrives, though - washable is definitely key!
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@stalkinghorse that rug screams "you definitely shouldn't drop poo on me...but you will" haha. I'm with @lindsye my DH is all about "do what you want" but what I want is a little input!
My FFFC is that I'm out of town for the weekend and I'm already SO over it! I can't wait to just get back home!
In terms of making mom (or in general, women) friends, I found it much easier when we were in the city than in the suburbs - default conversation starter out here is "so, what church do you go to?" But we moved out to the suburbs to be close to my parents (my mom sees the kids literally every day) so it is worth it. I know LA is truly a different animal, though.
Omg.. I'm totally dreading this. I am not religious so my H and I do not go to church. I know it's only a matter of time before I have to answer this question and I'm scared we are going to be labeled the Anti-Christ family that no kids are aloud to hang out with. My H and I actually toured one daycare already and I liked it in general but the curriculum includes Bible. It isn't even a religious based daycare?! #texasproblems
@JJMNO1616 so I was raised by open minded parents who are also Christian, so I went to lots of church but was encouraged to think independently by my parents. I ended up being not religious, but because of my experience I'm also not averse to my kids being exposed to it. They go to a preschool at a church and we just have lots of conversations about what they're learning at home - the most important thing to me is that they learn how to think critically about whatever they're told by others.
But anyway, yes it does make it a bit awkward when I'm talking to the other moms who are regular church-goers. My default line has been to tell them that we're Catholics who aren't the best about attending mass (my husband was raised catholic so more or less the truth). It's enough to shut them up and avoid the whole "I'm not into organized religion" conversation.
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lindsye@JJMNO1616 OMG YAS to the religious assumptions. Around here everyone is Lutheran or Catholic and even the restaurants cater to it by serving fish on Fridays during Lent, etc. DH and I aren't at all religious and I'm certain that we're judged for it.
@lindsye if/when anyone asks me which church I go to I'm always tempted to say something like "the church of sleeping in and wearing pajamas at home all day". I can't imagine losing my Sundays to church every week *shudders*
@JJMNO1616 so I was raised by open minded parents who are also Christian, so I went to lots of church but was encouraged to think independently by my parents. I ended up being not religious, but because of my experience I'm also not averse to my kids being exposed to it. They go to a preschool at a church and we just have lots of conversations about what they're learning at home - the most important thing to me is that they learn how to think critically about whatever they're told by others.
But anyway, yes it does make it a bit awkward when I'm talking to the other moms who are regular church-goers. My default line has been to tell them that we're Catholics who aren't the best about attending mass (my husband was raised catholic so more or less the truth). It's enough to shut them up and avoid the whole "I'm not into organized religion" conversation.
YES this is exactly what I hope to do with my children. I don't plan to put them into a church based preschool or daycare but I have come to the conclusion that if religion ends up being part of their learning experience then I am completely ok with that. I actually think in general learning about different types of religions would be beneficial for them because it will enhance their ability to be open minded and more culturally sensitive. Especially with everything going on in our world today... religion has such an impact on all our our daily lives regardless of what you believe in. My husband and I will just have to make sure we have a lot of conversations about what they are learning.
DH is really into doing a gender reveal so we worked out a plan for telling my family at Thanksgiving next week. I promised I wouldn't spill the beans before then...and five minutes later I called my mom to tell her it's a girl. I was excited, I had to tell someone!
Back story: my cousin and his gf just announced they’re getting married in two weeks (wedding due to pregnancy — no judgement there). After initially deciding we wouldn’t go because getting a family of 4 on a plane to Florida with basically zero notice is next to impossible, I scoured the internetz and found flights for me that don’t require my husband to take off any work to be with the kids over that weekend (he’s in the midst of a crazy huge project and can’t miss anything).
FFFC: although I’ve been continually saying how sad I am that I’ll have to travel alone and that I feel guilty for leaving him by himself with the kids for a weekend, I DON’T FEEL THAT WAY AT ALL. 40 hours in the sun in South Florida and two plane rides all by myself? Fuck yes. The only thing that would make this better is if I could drink at the wedding. Not feeling guilty in the least
lindsye@JJMNO1616 OMG YAS to the religious assumptions. Around here everyone is Lutheran or Catholic and even the restaurants cater to it by serving fish on Fridays during Lent, etc. DH and I aren't at all religious and I'm certain that we're judged for it.
I live in the land of Friday Night Fish Fry -year round! Growing up I never realized it was even a religion thing. It’s just what you ate every Friday! I’m finding a few like minded friends though! Hard to do in an incredibly red county!
Im pretty evasive when people ask. Because dh works retail that’s usually a suffficient excuse.
Ok, my FFFC is related to meeting other mothers and religion:
My area is pretty saturated with Mormons, and although I respect everyone's religious practices, I got VERY tired of everyone asking me probing conversion questions. So.... knowing how much Mormons generally respect the Jewish faith, I spread it around that I am Jewish. Our house hasn't been visited once in over 10 years, and we live within walking distance of a Mormon church.
Yes, I am horrible, and no, I'm not really at all sorry.
@ngolimento I'm sorry, but that is THE BEST FFFC I've heard yet. It's ingenuous, reveals something about humanity, it's a tiny bit naughty, but no one gets hurt.... you win the internet for me today!
@ngolimento Where do you live again? I live in Utah and am SURROUNDED by Mormons! I live near Salt Lake, and there are less Mormons here than in the suburbs. When meeting other moms, I always have my guard up until I know whether or not they're Mormon. Utah Mormons don't drink coffee or alcohol, so you can learn pretty quickly if someone is Mormon. Also, Mormons here tend to have lots of kids, and while I have met many nice Mormons, I don't think I can really relate to people who parent without coffee or alcohol. I guess that's my FFFC.
@stalkinghorse I'm not sure where in LA you are but my sister-in-law runs the baby boot camp in Beverly Hills, she met one of her closest mom friends there and 9 years later they still talk. I know there are several in the LA area, just an idea for you! I understand the LA struggle, we lived there for several years.
I'll join in the introvert side. I don't know how to make friends. DS has 2 best friends at school, and they are both only children, but neither of the moms have tried to get together (after sayig we need to)...we've just gone to each other's birthday parties so far. It's so hard for me to make conversation and I just feel like nobody else is like me or likes the same things, etc. I pretty much have to have alcohol to be social. It's like magic...I suddenly have things to talk about and am not shy lol.
@riversdoctor - stinks when you want to call in but sense of duty prevents it. Been there, done that.
@lindsye - definitely hard to have weird feelings about personality differences with someone you love. My dad is just an idiot (I have put up with it at times), and when I told him we were pg, he said he already knew, and when I asked how, he said his brain is always working and just knows stuff. Saw him once since then and he tried to have normal conversation. He hasn’t once congratulated us. So, I’m on a break.
@kmalls - I love it! Enjoy the mini break! Drink mocktails and pretend they’re real deal.
For all who are in areas where religion is the icebreaker, I’m sorry. That’s an acceptable convo between friends, but really intrusive with a stranger.
AFM, I was super annoyed with the randos on HDBD. Total AWs. Normally, I don’t give a shit, but this time it was like, go hide again. You didn’t even ‘love’ prior posts, WTF.
@sarahkate2233 OMG you just named my #1 email pet peeve. One of my employees CONSTANTLY uses “please be advised” and omg omg I hate it. I even passive aggressively edited it out of one of her products she gave me to review and told her it was because that phrase is nails on a chalkboard to me. Meanwhile she continues to use it in emails on a regular basis. It makes me ragey.
@tooraloorah - I’m not great about bump pix either lol. You post and support others, which is what we’re here for (I am anyway). It just got under my skin that we’ve never seen some people until bump pix, and that they didn’t give love to anyone else.
I really appreciate the dialogue we have and feeling support from other preggos Happy Saturday ladies!
@tooraloorah you're not a rando, I know I've seen posts from you before, but there we're like three people I've never seen stuff from! Plus on our ticker change this week, TWO people who have NEVER posted in there (or anywhere else I've seen) before cropped up, weird!
riversdoctor
member
Re: FFFC
Mine: I still feel completely inadequate socially when I'm with my mom. So my mom is not only a magician with people, she is also truly the kindest and most genuine person I have ever met. She is literally impossible not to like. I am a solid introvert like my Dad. I am terrible at small talk with new people and particularly around a bunch of people I don't know well, I feel like a bumbling incompetent socially.
In high school, I felt like there was something wrong with me and actually tried to be more extroverted and immediately likable like my mom is. I don't feel that way anymore - I know who I am and I like that person. But yesterday, my mom came with me to my 3 year old's Thanksgiving party at preschool (which, by the way, was wonderful because my 18 mo DS was there too and I needed help). Many of the preschool moms that I struggle to chat with three times a week at pickup? Charmed instantly by my mother, while I just kind of stood there smiling awkwardly. (I love my mom and have an excellent relationship with her as an adult, and I don't resent her one bit for being who she is. At times I just think how much easier life would be for me if I were more like her!)
Anyway, funny how being around your parents can sometimes take you back instantly to the person you were so many years ago.
*Formerly LuND*
Me: 35 | DH: 37
TTC: 7/2016
Low AMH, mild MFI
BFP 7/29/17
EDD: 4/5/18
BFP #2 7/2/19
EDD 3/13/20
I crack my husband up on the The daily with the little barbs I come up with. He’s always telling me “quit being funny!!!” Because I usually whisper to him when it’s inappropriate to say out loud
*Formerly LuND*
Me: 35 | DH: 37
TTC: 7/2016
Low AMH, mild MFI
BFP 7/29/17
EDD: 4/5/18
BFP #2 7/2/19
EDD 3/13/20
But oh my gosh, it’s exhausting how much she wants to talk. I am a very social person, but I don’t feel the need to talk to people three times per day (at 30-60 mins each time).
I’m not a huge fan of talking on the phone anyway, so sometimes when we have been texting for a while, and she will call me out of nowhere, and we’ve already talked that night for about 45 minutes, I screen her calls. Because I don’t need another 45 minute conversation at 10:30 at night.
@riversdoctor That sucks you can't really call out, even when you don't feel good. I've been having (much more mild compared to yours) 2nd trimester morning sickness too and it bites.
I'm extroverted, but way less sunshiney. I try to cultivate her optimism, but I inherited plenty of my dad's anxiety. I'm really comfortable with men but I struggle making friends with women. I am really anxious about making mommy friends. It's part of the reason I want to leave Los Angeles, just overhearing mommy conversations at whole foods, I literally have no idea how to relate to some of these women.
In terms of making mom (or in general, women) friends, I found it much easier when we were in the city than in the suburbs - default conversation starter out here is "so, what church do you go to?" But we moved out to the suburbs to be close to my parents (my mom sees the kids literally every day) so it is worth it. I know LA is truly a different animal, though.
@lindsye that's interesting about the city vs. suburbs. In my dream scenario, we move somewhere just straight up rural so my kids can grow up with lots of dirt and animals. But I think just leaving LA would be an improvement.
One more thing! Is it bad that I fantasize about cutting my husband out of ALL the nursery planning? I found these cool, design-ey playmats for the nursery and sent them for his approval. He likes them but what he really wants is a dumb morrocan rug he saw in Archictural Digest... first picture here.
https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/the-new-york-city-townhouse-julianne-moore-calls-home
guys! I know it's awesome my husband is knowledgeable about design and that we have a beautiful home as a result. I get that this is his creative outlet since he stopped being an artist. I get that he does this professionally. But he is literally clueless about kids and makes suggestions that are wildly inappropriate. I've tried not to come down from on high and lecture him about the importance of washable, hygienic, non-suffocating but I keep getting these dumb Morrocan rug suggestions that look "cozy" to him. I just want him to exit stage left so I can plan something practical.
My FFFC is that I'm out of town for the weekend and I'm already SO over it! I can't wait to just get back home!
But anyway, yes it does make it a bit awkward when I'm talking to the other moms who are regular church-goers. My default line has been to tell them that we're Catholics who aren't the best about attending mass (my husband was raised catholic so more or less the truth). It's enough to shut them up and avoid the whole "I'm not into organized religion" conversation.
@lindsye if/when anyone asks me which church I go to I'm always tempted to say something like "the church of sleeping in and wearing pajamas at home all day". I can't imagine losing my Sundays to church every week *shudders*
*Formerly LuND*
Me: 35 | DH: 37
TTC: 7/2016
Low AMH, mild MFI
BFP 7/29/17
EDD: 4/5/18
BFP #2 7/2/19
EDD 3/13/20
FFFC: although I’ve been continually saying how sad I am that I’ll have to travel alone and that I feel guilty for leaving him by himself with the kids for a weekend, I DON’T FEEL THAT WAY AT ALL. 40 hours in the sun in South Florida and two plane rides all by myself? Fuck yes. The only thing that would make this better is if I could drink at the wedding. Not feeling guilty in the least
Im pretty evasive when people ask. Because dh works retail that’s usually a suffficient excuse.
My area is pretty saturated with Mormons, and although I respect everyone's religious practices, I got VERY tired of everyone asking me probing conversion questions. So.... knowing how much Mormons generally respect the Jewish faith, I spread it around that I am Jewish. Our house hasn't been visited once in over 10 years, and we live within walking distance of a Mormon church.
Yes, I am horrible, and no, I'm not really at all sorry.
@lindsye - definitely hard to have weird feelings about personality differences with someone you love. My dad is just an idiot (I have put up with it at times), and when I told him we were pg, he said he already knew, and when I asked how, he said his brain is always working and just knows stuff. Saw him once since then and he tried to have normal conversation. He hasn’t once congratulated us. So, I’m on a break.
@kmalls - I love it! Enjoy the mini break! Drink mocktails and pretend they’re real deal.
@ngolimento - ingenious!
For all who are in areas where religion is the icebreaker, I’m sorry. That’s an acceptable convo between friends, but really intrusive with a stranger.
AFM, I was super annoyed with the randos on HDBD. Total AWs. Normally, I don’t give a shit, but this time it was like, go hide again. You didn’t even ‘love’ prior posts, WTF.
Also, I’m always shocked to see how many introverts we have here. I’m totally an extrovert but probably am more introverted and reserved online.
I really appreciate the dialogue we have and feeling support from other preggos